The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 8 - An Affair to Dismember - full transcript

Hmm, every day,
she stands on that doorstep

and just waits for her husband
to come home.

Meanwhile, she could close
that robe a little,

her whole business
is hanging out.

I can't believe
you would stand here

and invade
the intimacy of two lovers

when the view from
my room is spectacular.

( Mouthing )

( sighs )
Meanwhile,

would you look at
what my day consists of?

"Buy Brighton socks,
take Grace to therapy,



pick up Mr. Sheffield's
prescription."

Please, my heart bleeds for you.

There are two words on my list:
"don't jump."

- Oh, bye sweetie, I love you.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye, darling.

Oh, Niles, when did I become
such a hausfrau, me?

I mean, where's the excitement?
Where's the passion?

All I got is the drudgery.

What,
no chopped egg with the caviar?

The other hausfrau didn't
feel like chopping.

Well,
it's like me and Mr. Sheffield

have been married for 20 years
and all the thrill is gone.

Only, we skipped the thrill
part altogether.

You know, if I wanted to be



in a sick and
twisted relationship,

I could be living at home
with my parents.

Oh, my God, Fran,
you will never believe

what happened to me
at school today!

What? What?

- I'm walking down the hall
after third period -Yeah.

And Sean comes up
to me and he pulls me

into the stairwell and he starts
making out with me.

Oh, honey!

Fran, it was so intense.

I couldn't breathe.

Oh, his chest was pressed
up against mine.

Oh, his mouth was so hot!

And then he whispered,
"I love you."

Say it again,

only lower and try
an English accent.

Hmm.

Isn't it bittersweet to look
on passionate youth

and know for you it's
gone forever?

And on that note, we move
into the second level.

Niles, look at this.
It's half empty.

You think you're the only
one whose life sucks?

Oh, dear Niles,
what is it this time?

Hmm? Your job?

Your weight? No future?

Actually, I was just wondering
why I don't have a social life,

but you cleared that right
up for me. Thank you, sir.

There you go.

All right, C.C., come on,
let's get started.

Oh, Niles, we'll take our
supper in the office tonight.

Wait a minute.
You're working tonight?

You're supposed to be taking
me and Gracie to the movies.

Nanny Fine, isn't that your job?

Maxwell will go insane

if he has to see
"The Hunchback" one more time.

Then why don't you quit?

Oh, Niles,

dear sweet,

overcompensating for
his little spatula, Niles.

You know, Mr. Sheffield,
I know that you're very busy

with your show and everything,

but I really don't
think that that's an excuse

for you to neglect
your children.

How exactly
am I neglecting them?

Well, they sit
around here all day

waiting for you to come home

and then you never once say,
"Let's go out for drinks,

let's go dancing,
you look sexy in that outfit."

( doorbell rings )

I'll get it, I'll get it.

Oh, I guess it's
just not meant to be.

I wasn't put here to have a
handsome British millionaire

sweep me off my feet.

( In British accent )
Hello, Love.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had
flair, she was there ♪

♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪

♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now the father finds
her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are
actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She is the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪

Maxwell's baby brother!

I can't believe it's you!

God! Look who's here!
Let me get you a drink.

Who is she?

It's Miss Fine's mother.

No!

You look incredible.

It's... it's a work of art!

( Giggling )
Oh, Nigel!

Stop it.

Nigel, I do wish you'd let
me know you were coming.

I'm just swamped with
work at the moment,

but, uh,
Miss Fine offered to be your

Welcome to New York ambassador.

Wow!

Mayor Giuliani has made some
great changes to your fair city.

Welcome to New York.

What's that, love?

You're not the same girl
I met in Paris.

I can see it in your eyes.

What?

A need, a yearning,

a desire that is yet
to be fulfilled.

Oh, I bet you say that
to all the girls.

And if you don't,
you should try it.

Well, get ready to feel
much better, love.

You're mine now.

You're pretty cocky for a tall,
charming, rich, gorgeous guy.

Not to mention one
hell of a dancer.

I'm sorry, Nigel,

I'm just not gonna be
the life of the party tonight.

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Boogie oogie oogie ♪

Oh, this place is just fabulous!

I'll tell you,
I love going to clubs.

I'm heavily into noshing.

You mean moshing, don't you?

No.

So, do you... you
really like this place?

Oh, well, I'll tell you.

It's got one major thing
already going for it.

I'm not outside on line, hugging
Val to try and keep warm.

Although, that did get
us into another club.

And I'll tell ya,

that Candace Gingrich was
such a sport with the drinks.

I hope you don't mind me
telling you one more time

just how... how sexy you are.

Nope, still digging it.

( Slow dancing music playing )

Come on. Let's dance.

- Oh, okay.
- I love to watch you move.

Ohh.

Nigel, I...

find it so hard to believe
that you two are brothers.

You are nothing
like Mr. Sheffield.

Darling, I am Mr. Sheffield.

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Boogie oogie oogie ♪

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Boogie oogie ♪

Thanks, Fran.

She acts so weird
when she's happy.

( Mouthing, singing )

Don't complain,
it's been four years

since I've been able to get my
hands on a Haagen-Dazs bar.

( Knocking on the door )
I'll get it. I'll get it.

Oh, Nigel!

Hello, darling.

Flowers.

Would you rather have candy,
clothes, diamonds?

Oh, stop it. Diamonds?

Well, I happen to have
one right here.

Oh, my God!

Nigel! It's gorgeous!

Oh, I don't know
anything about diamonds.

Oh, pure white one, 1.76 carats.

No occlusions.

It's beautiful.

And so are you.
How's that fantastic body?

Still a regular boogie
wonderland?

♪ Oh, you don't know
the half of that ♪

What, are you caught
in a butler trap?

Gnaw your foot
off and get moving.

Miss me?

Hmm-mm.

Yeah, yeah.

God, I missed you.

Niles, did you send
that bottle of champagne

to Glenn Close, yet?

Um, uh, hey, Mr. Sheffield,

you've met your brother, Nigel.

Yes, Nigel,
listen, I'm awfully sorry

I haven't spent
more time with you,

but, uh, I'm sure Miss Fine's
been entertaining you.

Oh, yeah, she's been incredible.

( Giggles )
In a Martha Stewart kind of way.

Well, it's about bloody time.

I asked for this bottle
hours ago.

Well, good things come
to those who wait.

- Umm.
- Unless they wait too long,

and then they slip through
their namby-pamby fingers.

You know, Fran, I could've
sworn when Max just walked in,

you acted as if you
were cheating on him.

What? No.

Just because I pushed
you off of me

and started to act defensive.

Nah, you probably never
had your parents catch you

playing Spin the Bottle
with your first cousin.

So that's all right to say
"I think I found my other half",

and to give you this
ticket for the QE2.

( Gasps )
Oh, Nigel,

so many presents.

And it's not even Hanukkah.

Fran, I'm leaving tonight,

and I want you to come with me.

Oh, Nigel,
I'm not that kind of girl.

I'm asking you to be my wife.

I'm that kind of girl.

Are you proposing?

I-I know, Max has always accused
me of being impulsive but...

I've fallen in love with you,

and I'm not letting
you get away.

Oh, my God,

you two are like day and night,

Cain and Abel,

Tommy and Dicky Smothers.

The ship sails at midnight.

Start packing.

Oh, Nigel,
this is a huge decision.

I mean, what about the kids?

I-I can't just abandon them.

Although this would
make me their aunt now.

I'll wait for you on the pier.

If you don't come.

I know the answer is no.

No, don't. It's... It's too fast.
I can't. I'm sorry.

You said midnight, right?

Fran, what happened?

You sounded hysterical
on the phone!

Oh, Val,

you know how I've always wanted
to be a part of this family,

and not just the Nanny,

but, you know, a real part?

Like if God forbid
something happened,

there were problems or strife,

I could... get the house.

( Gasps )

Oh, my God,
he asked you to marry him?

He wants to elope.

I have to be on his
ship by midnight.

I'm telling you this is crazy.

I don't know what I'm doing.

It's winter,
I don't need cotton pants.

Oh, Fran, in my heart,
I know that there is no one

more perfect for you
than Maxwell Sheffield.

Not him, the brother.

Better.
Younger, no kids.

Oh, what am I even considering?
It's nuts.

The guy knows me two seconds

and he already wants
to run away with me?

It's weird.
It's freaky. It's icky!

I think it's romantic.

Isn't it? Could you drop dead?

Come on, let me see the ring.

Oh, it's not a ring.

He gave me a diamond
solitaire necklace.

It goes against tradition,
but that's part of his allure.

Oh, it's gorgeous!

Isn't it perfect?

I'm just gonna
turn it into a ring,

add baguettes
and a platinum setting.

Oh, uh-huh. yeah.

Oh, Fran,
I will never forget tonight.

You didn't!

Didn't what?

Oh.

What the heck could
be so memorable?

Sean is just so romantic
and passionate about things.

Oh.

I mean, I guess I kinda always
saw myself

with someone more like daddy.

Yeah, well every girl feels
that way about your father.

I mean their father.

Oh, it's just so
great to be in love.

Oh, I know sweetie.

It's the most wonderful feeling
in the world.

Hold on to it as long
as you possibly can.

And remember,
always follow your heart.

Well, my heart says I should
go back over to Sean's.

That's not your heart talking.

Oh, Ma, I'm so confused.

How long am I supposed to
wait around for Mr. Sheffield?

What made daddy finally
commit to you?

Sweetheart,
you can't compare relationships.

Well, tell me I wanna know.

It's not important.

Come on,
what made him finally marry you?

Your sister, all right?

You know, I always wondered

how she could be
a 13-pound preemie.

Darling, I know you're farmisht,

but don't rush into anything
until you're sure.

How did my life get
so complicated?

I always thought that I was
gonna end up with Mr. Sheffield

but I'm wasting my youth here.

I mean, I'm a vital,
passionate woman

and Nigel brings that out in me.

Darling, hold that thought.
I took a diuretic.

Oh, Miss Fine, uh,

were you planning
on seeing Nigel tonight?

Well,
I-I was thinking about it but

if you don't want me to,

if you think my place is to
be here with you and the kids

just... say the word.

Oh, by all means, go.

You two will have
a wonderful time together.

Yeah, I-I, who knows when
I'll finish up in the office.

Please don't sit
around waiting for me.

All right.

Well,

I know what I gotta do now.

( Dialing tone )

Yeah, Pizza Hut.

♪ Maybe I don't wanna
know the reason why ♪

♪ But lately
you don't talk to me ♪

♪ And darling,
I can't see me in your eyes ♪

♪ I hold you near ♪

♪ But you're so far away ♪

♪ And it's losing you
I can't believe ♪

♪ To watch you leave
and let this feeling die ♪

♪ You alone are
the living thing ♪

♪ That keeps me alive ♪

♪ And tomorrow ♪

♪ If I'm here without
your love ♪

♪ You know I can't survive ♪

♪ Only my love ♪

♪ Only my love can raise
you high above it all ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love, our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love, our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love, our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love, our love ♪

♪ Don't throw it all away,
our love ♪

Taxi!

♪ Don't tell me not to fly,
I've simply got to ♪

♪ If someone takes
a spill it's me and not you ♪

♪ Don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade ♪

♪ I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once ♪

♪ Only can die once,
right, sir? ♪

♪ Ohh, love is juicy,
juicy and you see ♪

♪ I've got to have
my bite, sir ♪

♪ Get ready for me,
love, 'cause I'm a comer ♪

♪ I've simply gotta march,
my heart's a drummer ♪

♪ Don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade ♪

♪ Nobody, no, nobody ♪

♪ Is gonna rain
on my parade ♪

Oh! Oh! Ow!

Fran: Oh! Oh, wait!

Lady, you meant
to be on that ship?

Oh, I... I guess not.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

I thought you went
to bed hours ago.

No, no, no, no, I've been
out since late this afternoon.

So, you haven't been
in your office?

Um, no, why?

Uh... ma is in there.
Watching TV.

She had a fight with daddy.

Well, I'm very glad
you're still up.

You know, I've missed you.

Oh, the show is
coming along superbly.

Very soon it'll
be opening night.

You'll be there wearing
something smashing.

I'll stick a couple of Tums
in your cummerbund

so when you get nervous...

Miss Fine, are you...
you all right?

Have you been crying?

I, um.

I-I went clubbing with
Val and I hurt my ankle.

Oh, dear,
let's... let's have a look.

Oop, gen... gently.

Ow, ow.

Oh, yes, well, uh,

you should get some ice on that.

Do you, uh,
do you think you can walk?

No.

You sit right there,
I'll get it.

It's always been a marvel to me

how you manage to totter around
the house in those high heels.

- Huh.
- Here you go.

Why... why are you breathing
so heavily?

Eh, Lamaze.

Ma enrolled me.

Wishful thinking.

Right.

Well, anyway, uh,
you sleep with that on tonight

and I'll fetch a
doctor in the morning.

Thanks.

Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.

We can't have any of that,
can we?

Here, put your arms
around my shoulder.

There we go.
There we are.

Don't you worry,
Miss Fine, I've got you.

Boy, do you ever.

Miss Fine, we're all just
sitting down to dinner.

All right.

You do realize it was your
other ankle you injured?

( Jazz music playing )