The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 3, Episode 24 - The Cantor Show - full transcript
Fran suggests that her cantor boyfriend should audition for Maxwell's next show.
Oh, Niles.
Hmm?
(EXCLAIMING) Friday night,
dressed to kill.
Going to temple
to pray for a date?
Ma said
they've got a new cantor,
and he's single and gorgeous.
I'm hoping
for a religious experience.
Does anyone in your faith
ever take a vow of celibacy?
Just me.
But I decided that I'm taking
Maggie and Gracie with me.
I think that
it's important
that they learn
how people of
other religions
pick up men.
Oh, by the way,
the airline called.
I'm afraid they can't
locate your suitcase.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
That's why you never
put anything important
in the baggage that you check.
Well, it's automatically
insured for $500.
But stupid me had to put
that $500 watch in there.
When did you get a $500 watch?
Tomorrow.
Well, sorry, I can't
join you and the girls
on your pilgrimage
to find single
spiritual leaders,
but Dad and I
are gonna go see
the Padres play the Mets.
All right. See you guys.
All right.
Well, Brighton and I
are off to see
Pagliacci at the Met.
Oh, isn't it funny
how people just hear
what they want to hear?
Yes. One of the pitfalls
of a big house.
What did Brad Pitt
call the house?
Okay, Fran,
I'm ready for temple.
Honey, it's only
Friday night services.
We're not fleeing Anatevka.
♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out
♪ in one of those
crushing scenes
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?
♪ She was out on her fanny
♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door
♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more
♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!
♪ That's how
she became the nanny!
♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling
♪ Watch out, C.C.!
♪ And the kids
are actually smiling
♪ Such joie de vivre!
♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan
♪ The flashy girl from Flushing
♪ The nanny named Fran!
(GARY SINGING IN HEBREW)
Oh, Ma,
is he hot stuff or what?
Look at this.
My M&M's melted in my hand.
(SHUSHING)
Calm down.
It's in Hebrew.
What, are you afraid
you'll miss something?
Bravo! Bravo!
All right, it's over.
May the games begin.
Okay, now, honey, remember,
when you see me
talking to the cantor,
what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna rush over and say,
"Excuse me, miss,
are you Julia Roberts?"
Remember, project.
Fran, I'm starving.
I thought you said
it was a Jewish tradition
to have Chinese food at temple.
After temple, honey,
after temple.
Here's a ham sandwich.
Don't eat it till
you get to the parking lot.
And if anybody asks,
it's smoked turkey.
Gary, gorgeous service.
Sylvia, it's always a joy
to sing the wonders
of God's universe.
Yeah, yeah. I want you
to meet my daughter.
Ma, don't be so pushy.
Hi, I'm Fran.
I'm Gary, and I don't think
I've seen you here before
because I would
have remembered.
Well, I've been
temple shopping, you know.
Nothing's really popped,
but I haven't been here
since I was a kid
in Sunday school.
When was that, Ma?
10 years ago?
Please, 10 years ago,
she was baby-sitting
my Rachel.
You're lucky that
we're in temple, Sara.
So, Cantor, Gary,
I work for Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer.
If ever you or your wife
want to get theater tickets...
Oh, I'm not married.
No!
No!
But I love the theater,
so if you'd like
to come with me
sometime...
Yes!
Yes!
Excuse me, miss.
Yes, little girl?
Are you Julia Child?
BACHARACH: ♪ 'Cause I'm always
gonna be there
♪ I'm always gonna be there
♪ For you, girl
Oh, bravo!
Oh, bravo!
Bravo!
Oh, what a finale, huh?
Now, that's,
that is why you
get Burt Bacharach.
Oh! And imagine how
it'll sound when we get
someone who can sing...
like you. Boy, you're good!
I hope you know
the way to San Jose.
Oh, Burt, this is so exciting.
You know, the last person
to play that piano
was Marvin Hamlisch.
You're gonna do a show
with Marvin Hamlisch?
No, no, no, no, no.
It was a--a social thing.
Yeah.
You had a party for Marvin?
No, no, no.
It wasn't a party.
It was, uh, an awards thing.
Yeah.
Marvin got another award?
Oh, Miss Fine!
Uh, please, come and, uh,
come and meet Burt Bacharach.
Oh, Mr. Bacharach, hi!
I have all of your albums.
Oh, my father was always
so jealous of you.
He wanted to be a songwriter?
No. He wanted
to marry Angie Dickenson.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Everybody, I want
you to meet Gary Isaac.
This is the new
cantor at my temple.
Mr. Bacharach,
I'm a big fan of yours.
You know,
sometimes at temple
when things get too solemn,
I do one of your numbers.
♪ I say a little prayer for you
♪ Forever, forever,
you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
♪ Forever, forever,
we never will part
Oh, how I love you
♪ Together, together,
that's how it must be
♪ To live without you
♪ Would only mean
heartbreak for me ♪
One more time.
Yes.
Well, that was very nice.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Lovely.
Now, run along, Nanny Fine.
Wait a minute.
I want him in the show.
Run back. Run back.
Run back.
Uh, you're hired.
Congratulations.
You're in a Broadway show.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
I never thought
anything like this
would happen to me.
I--I-- I'm just
a cantor. Here.
You have an agent
at William Morris?
I did his son's bar mitzvah.
And I've got to tell you,
I was smoking!
Oh, Gary,
I'm so excited for you.
You know, you are going
to sell out every night.
The women are going
to love him.
They're gonna line up
outside the stage door
just to slip you their numbers.
You know, we don't even know
if the man can dance, really.
Niles, looky here,
a $500 check
just fell out of
the friendly skies.
Miss Fine,
have you ever thought
that taking this check
might be construed as fraud?
Well, I don't know,
Mr. Fourteen Dependents.
And it's not easy
for me to support them
considering I'm a student.
Now, would you get
out of my home office?
I'm going.
Ma invited me and Gary
to dinner tonight.
She's even taking
the plastic covers
off of the couch.
The last time that happened,
we found her macramé
string bikini.
Your mother used
to wear a string bikini?
She still does.
You just can't
see it anymore.
I'm so sorry, Sylvia.
You think it will stain?
What, Rabbi, red wine?
Please, it's a blessing.
And the chewing gum
that you tracked in
on the carpet will come out
with the peanut butter
that you got on the chair.
Rabbi, you got to
try this blueberry pie.
No!
No!
This is what
your mother calls
an intimate gathering?
Well, you know,
ever since you and I
have been going out,
Ma's kind of become
the Candy Spelling
of Temple Beth Shalom.
I haven't seen your father.
Where is he?
Oh, he's right over there.
Whoops, he just dropped
a fork.
Hi, Daddy.
You know, Gary,
once you become
a big Broadway star,
it'll be parties
like this every night.
But you better
drink some coffee
because this crowd could
go till 8:00 maybe 9:00.
Franny, you are so adorable.
Have I thanked you
for everything
you've done for me?
Honey, wait until
I've done everything.
Then you'll really
have something
to be thankful for.
I can't believe
all the celebrities
that are here.
These two, their cousins
own Wilson's House of Suede.
Don't gawk.
They like to be treated
like normal people.
Why don't you sing
something for us?
Well, I'd love to, Sylvia,
but, first,
I have an announcement to make.
Oh, Gary!
Oh, my God!
Everybody, quiet, quiet.
My daughter's boyfriend,
the cantor,
is gonna make an announcement.
Morty,
take the gravy boat
away from the rabbi!
My friends,
I truly believe
that being a cantor
was the most
rewarding thing in my life.
And then I met Fran.
(EXCLAIMS)
Fran, I--I want to
tell you something
and I hope that you can accept
(EXCLAIMS)
my deepest thanks for
making my dreams come true.
And?
And?
And I want you to be
the first to know
that I'm leaving
the temple to pursue
a career on Broadway.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
He's leaving the temple?
WOMAN: It's all
Sylvia's fault!
GARY:
♪ Baby, I still love you
♪ I'm just giving up to
♪ Change my mind
♪ Maybe you could
change my mind
♪ If you want to stop me
♪ It's decision time
Oh, Gary, you're fabulous.
I just wish I could
offer you a larger part.
But, you know,
you're still gonna stop
the show in the second act.
Do I get my own dressing room?
Oh, good.
You do comedy, too.
Oh, Maxwell,
it's your worst nightmare!
Oh, will you stop
announcing yourself?
I'll be out of a job.
The lead in our show
got hit by a bus!
C.C., you can't be serious!
Oh, my God, this is a disaster!
We're just gonna
have to put on
the understudy.
Maxwell,
aren't you going
to ask how he is?
Oh, yes, of course.
You're right. How is he?
The understudy stinks!
♪ ...I walk away
♪ Or we save
this love tonight ♪
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
That a man just died.
Life is short
and we should go
upstairs and just...
Hire Gary.
Hire Gary?
Kinky.
Oh. You mean for the show.
Okay, Ma,
you could take off
the sunglasses.
I need somebody
to recognize me
from the temple
so they can give me
the evil eye?
Ma, you can't
wear a disguise.
You're not like me.
You have a very
distinctive voice.
I'll keep them on.
Thank you. I can see.
Go play with your brother
and the little one.
That haircut is awful on her.
Ma, look, I cannot tell
Mr. Sheffield to fire Gary.
I don't make his decisions,
tell him what do, run his life.
We're not married.
Without Gary,
the temple is going under.
Blockbuster Video
already is measuring
the parking lot.
Fran, you are looking
at the star of the new
Burt Bacharach musical.
Oh, honey, that is so...
Oh...
Chick-a-pee, chick-a-pee.
I'm sorry.
I rented Nell yesterday.
Listen, Gary, why don't
you go get measured
for your costume?
Well, now that I'm playing
the lead,
I guess my salary
shoots up, too.
Oh, there's that
comic timing again.
Uh, Mr. Sheffield, you know,
I think that you're taking
a big chance with Gary.
I mean, we don't even know him,
and the show is like your baby.
I mean,
would you trust your kids
to the first stranger
that walked off
the street again?
Miss Fine, the man
is a tremendous talent.
He's gonna be
the biggest star
on Broadway.
He'll be rich and famous.
You know, Ma, temples we got.
But a Blockbuster
in the neighborhood
could be a blessing.
Listen, you two,
I want my cantor back.
My friends have disowned me.
My life is over.
I want to die!
Does this have almond extract?
Well, I'm sorry, Sylvia,
but he's my star,
and I want him in my show.
I have a contract.
Ma, you're just gonna
have to accept this
like a grownup.
Besides, it's two against one.
It's not two against one.
I have a higher power
on my side.
You'll see.
Ours is not a merciful God.
Oh, don't listen to her.
Oh, what the hell
is a locust doing in here?
Boy, it's been raining
for seven days
and seven nights.
You don't think
your mother was right?
Shut up, Val.
God is forgiving, Miss Fine.
When I was a boy,
I once took five shillings
out of the collection plate
at church for toffee.
And nothing happened
to you, right?
That's right,
absolutely nothing.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go wash
other peoples' underwear.
Oh, Miss Fine,
just listen to
the advance publicity
I'm getting for my show.
"Maxwell Sheffield
has struck gold
in newcomer Gary Isaac."
Then it goes on
about Burt Bacharach
blah, blah, blah.
Who cares?
Who cares? Who cares?
And here at the end,
"Maxwell Sheffield
has assured himself
"the big new hit
of the season!"
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, so much for your mother
putting a whammy on us, eh?
On the contrary,
it seems God has sent us
both a nice Jewish boy.
Oh, you know,
I was never worried.
I mean,
if God listened
to a word Ma said,
I'd be living in a mansion
with a handsome millionaire
and gorgeous kids...
She forgot to say married?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Hey, Franny.
Gary!
Mr. Sheffield was just
reading me the article.
No. It's already in the paper
that I'm flying off to do
a movie?
(THUNDER RUMBLING) What movie?
I'm doing a part in Evita
for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh, no.
I--I knew it. I knew it!
Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.
Gary, you can't just
walk out on Mr. Sheffield
without giving him
at least two weeks' notice
and an engagement ring.
Now, wait a minute, Miss Fine.
You know, we're-- we're
behaving dreadfully.
I mean,
this is the opportunity
of a lifetime for Gary
and--and we should
wish him well.
Maxwell, thank you.
Thank you.
You know,
Fran, my whole life,
all I ever thought about
was settling down
and getting married.
And then I met you,
and you changed all that.
How ironic.
Well, have a safe flight.
You're going
in this weather, I hope.
Oh, can you believe this guy?
Doesn't he know how much money
has already been
invested in him?
I mean,
musicians have been hired.
Rehearsals have been scheduled.
People have been
working around the clock.
And that's just for my wedding.
What about your show?
Oh, don't worry, Miss Fine.
Gary isn't going anywhere.
He has an ironclad contract.
Was that Gary I saw
getting into a limo?
Oh, well, I'll have him
sign his contract
at the theater
tomorrow morning.
No rush.
Well, it seems
it's happened again,
hasn't it?
You see, I--I let you
get involved in my life.
A-At the time it seemed
like a good idea,
as it always does,
but then it isn't!
I haven't finished
with you yet.
But first, I have to go
bludgeon C.C. with a Tony!
(EXCLAIMING)
Fran, maybe God
is getting even with you
for taking the cantor
away from the temple.
You mean because
Mr. Sheffield wants
to kill me
and now I have no boyfriend?
Nah, there's nothing
out of the ordinary
about that.
Oh, my God, look!
I missed the Loehmann's
year-end clearance sale.
Why are you doing this to me?
We've been exiled to Siberia.
Look at them staring at us.
I used to sit up there
with those vicious
backstabbers.
We had a ball.
FRAN: Oh, my God!
Debbie Berkowitz got engaged?
Who am I? Job?
Ma, a BLT?
Nobody can see us back here.
I could throw a luau.
Anyway,
you got a little
mayo on your mouth.
Darling, I can't
wipe my face with a...
$500 check?
Oh, give me that.
This is the money that I got
when I scammed the airlines.
Why is God punishing me?
What was my crime?
(GASPS) Hello.
Oh, no.
It's ridiculous.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Donation to the temple!
Donation to the temple!
Here, Rabbi, take it.
Find yourself a new cantor.
God bless you, Franny.
Don't tell me. Tell him!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Mrs. Newman just told me
she's moving to Boca.
We're first on the list
for front-row seats
for the high holy days.
Fine.
The engagement is off!
Boy, he not only works
in mysterious ways,
he works like that.
Darling, I'm so glad
that we're back on
his good side.
So am I, Ma.
Let's pray.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Hmm?
(EXCLAIMING) Friday night,
dressed to kill.
Going to temple
to pray for a date?
Ma said
they've got a new cantor,
and he's single and gorgeous.
I'm hoping
for a religious experience.
Does anyone in your faith
ever take a vow of celibacy?
Just me.
But I decided that I'm taking
Maggie and Gracie with me.
I think that
it's important
that they learn
how people of
other religions
pick up men.
Oh, by the way,
the airline called.
I'm afraid they can't
locate your suitcase.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
That's why you never
put anything important
in the baggage that you check.
Well, it's automatically
insured for $500.
But stupid me had to put
that $500 watch in there.
When did you get a $500 watch?
Tomorrow.
Well, sorry, I can't
join you and the girls
on your pilgrimage
to find single
spiritual leaders,
but Dad and I
are gonna go see
the Padres play the Mets.
All right. See you guys.
All right.
Well, Brighton and I
are off to see
Pagliacci at the Met.
Oh, isn't it funny
how people just hear
what they want to hear?
Yes. One of the pitfalls
of a big house.
What did Brad Pitt
call the house?
Okay, Fran,
I'm ready for temple.
Honey, it's only
Friday night services.
We're not fleeing Anatevka.
♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out
♪ in one of those
crushing scenes
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?
♪ She was out on her fanny
♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door
♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more
♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!
♪ That's how
she became the nanny!
♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling
♪ Watch out, C.C.!
♪ And the kids
are actually smiling
♪ Such joie de vivre!
♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan
♪ The flashy girl from Flushing
♪ The nanny named Fran!
(GARY SINGING IN HEBREW)
Oh, Ma,
is he hot stuff or what?
Look at this.
My M&M's melted in my hand.
(SHUSHING)
Calm down.
It's in Hebrew.
What, are you afraid
you'll miss something?
Bravo! Bravo!
All right, it's over.
May the games begin.
Okay, now, honey, remember,
when you see me
talking to the cantor,
what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna rush over and say,
"Excuse me, miss,
are you Julia Roberts?"
Remember, project.
Fran, I'm starving.
I thought you said
it was a Jewish tradition
to have Chinese food at temple.
After temple, honey,
after temple.
Here's a ham sandwich.
Don't eat it till
you get to the parking lot.
And if anybody asks,
it's smoked turkey.
Gary, gorgeous service.
Sylvia, it's always a joy
to sing the wonders
of God's universe.
Yeah, yeah. I want you
to meet my daughter.
Ma, don't be so pushy.
Hi, I'm Fran.
I'm Gary, and I don't think
I've seen you here before
because I would
have remembered.
Well, I've been
temple shopping, you know.
Nothing's really popped,
but I haven't been here
since I was a kid
in Sunday school.
When was that, Ma?
10 years ago?
Please, 10 years ago,
she was baby-sitting
my Rachel.
You're lucky that
we're in temple, Sara.
So, Cantor, Gary,
I work for Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer.
If ever you or your wife
want to get theater tickets...
Oh, I'm not married.
No!
No!
But I love the theater,
so if you'd like
to come with me
sometime...
Yes!
Yes!
Excuse me, miss.
Yes, little girl?
Are you Julia Child?
BACHARACH: ♪ 'Cause I'm always
gonna be there
♪ I'm always gonna be there
♪ For you, girl
Oh, bravo!
Oh, bravo!
Bravo!
Oh, what a finale, huh?
Now, that's,
that is why you
get Burt Bacharach.
Oh! And imagine how
it'll sound when we get
someone who can sing...
like you. Boy, you're good!
I hope you know
the way to San Jose.
Oh, Burt, this is so exciting.
You know, the last person
to play that piano
was Marvin Hamlisch.
You're gonna do a show
with Marvin Hamlisch?
No, no, no, no, no.
It was a--a social thing.
Yeah.
You had a party for Marvin?
No, no, no.
It wasn't a party.
It was, uh, an awards thing.
Yeah.
Marvin got another award?
Oh, Miss Fine!
Uh, please, come and, uh,
come and meet Burt Bacharach.
Oh, Mr. Bacharach, hi!
I have all of your albums.
Oh, my father was always
so jealous of you.
He wanted to be a songwriter?
No. He wanted
to marry Angie Dickenson.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Everybody, I want
you to meet Gary Isaac.
This is the new
cantor at my temple.
Mr. Bacharach,
I'm a big fan of yours.
You know,
sometimes at temple
when things get too solemn,
I do one of your numbers.
♪ I say a little prayer for you
♪ Forever, forever,
you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
♪ Forever, forever,
we never will part
Oh, how I love you
♪ Together, together,
that's how it must be
♪ To live without you
♪ Would only mean
heartbreak for me ♪
One more time.
Yes.
Well, that was very nice.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Lovely.
Now, run along, Nanny Fine.
Wait a minute.
I want him in the show.
Run back. Run back.
Run back.
Uh, you're hired.
Congratulations.
You're in a Broadway show.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
I never thought
anything like this
would happen to me.
I--I-- I'm just
a cantor. Here.
You have an agent
at William Morris?
I did his son's bar mitzvah.
And I've got to tell you,
I was smoking!
Oh, Gary,
I'm so excited for you.
You know, you are going
to sell out every night.
The women are going
to love him.
They're gonna line up
outside the stage door
just to slip you their numbers.
You know, we don't even know
if the man can dance, really.
Niles, looky here,
a $500 check
just fell out of
the friendly skies.
Miss Fine,
have you ever thought
that taking this check
might be construed as fraud?
Well, I don't know,
Mr. Fourteen Dependents.
And it's not easy
for me to support them
considering I'm a student.
Now, would you get
out of my home office?
I'm going.
Ma invited me and Gary
to dinner tonight.
She's even taking
the plastic covers
off of the couch.
The last time that happened,
we found her macramé
string bikini.
Your mother used
to wear a string bikini?
She still does.
You just can't
see it anymore.
I'm so sorry, Sylvia.
You think it will stain?
What, Rabbi, red wine?
Please, it's a blessing.
And the chewing gum
that you tracked in
on the carpet will come out
with the peanut butter
that you got on the chair.
Rabbi, you got to
try this blueberry pie.
No!
No!
This is what
your mother calls
an intimate gathering?
Well, you know,
ever since you and I
have been going out,
Ma's kind of become
the Candy Spelling
of Temple Beth Shalom.
I haven't seen your father.
Where is he?
Oh, he's right over there.
Whoops, he just dropped
a fork.
Hi, Daddy.
You know, Gary,
once you become
a big Broadway star,
it'll be parties
like this every night.
But you better
drink some coffee
because this crowd could
go till 8:00 maybe 9:00.
Franny, you are so adorable.
Have I thanked you
for everything
you've done for me?
Honey, wait until
I've done everything.
Then you'll really
have something
to be thankful for.
I can't believe
all the celebrities
that are here.
These two, their cousins
own Wilson's House of Suede.
Don't gawk.
They like to be treated
like normal people.
Why don't you sing
something for us?
Well, I'd love to, Sylvia,
but, first,
I have an announcement to make.
Oh, Gary!
Oh, my God!
Everybody, quiet, quiet.
My daughter's boyfriend,
the cantor,
is gonna make an announcement.
Morty,
take the gravy boat
away from the rabbi!
My friends,
I truly believe
that being a cantor
was the most
rewarding thing in my life.
And then I met Fran.
(EXCLAIMS)
Fran, I--I want to
tell you something
and I hope that you can accept
(EXCLAIMS)
my deepest thanks for
making my dreams come true.
And?
And?
And I want you to be
the first to know
that I'm leaving
the temple to pursue
a career on Broadway.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
He's leaving the temple?
WOMAN: It's all
Sylvia's fault!
GARY:
♪ Baby, I still love you
♪ I'm just giving up to
♪ Change my mind
♪ Maybe you could
change my mind
♪ If you want to stop me
♪ It's decision time
Oh, Gary, you're fabulous.
I just wish I could
offer you a larger part.
But, you know,
you're still gonna stop
the show in the second act.
Do I get my own dressing room?
Oh, good.
You do comedy, too.
Oh, Maxwell,
it's your worst nightmare!
Oh, will you stop
announcing yourself?
I'll be out of a job.
The lead in our show
got hit by a bus!
C.C., you can't be serious!
Oh, my God, this is a disaster!
We're just gonna
have to put on
the understudy.
Maxwell,
aren't you going
to ask how he is?
Oh, yes, of course.
You're right. How is he?
The understudy stinks!
♪ ...I walk away
♪ Or we save
this love tonight ♪
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
That a man just died.
Life is short
and we should go
upstairs and just...
Hire Gary.
Hire Gary?
Kinky.
Oh. You mean for the show.
Okay, Ma,
you could take off
the sunglasses.
I need somebody
to recognize me
from the temple
so they can give me
the evil eye?
Ma, you can't
wear a disguise.
You're not like me.
You have a very
distinctive voice.
I'll keep them on.
Thank you. I can see.
Go play with your brother
and the little one.
That haircut is awful on her.
Ma, look, I cannot tell
Mr. Sheffield to fire Gary.
I don't make his decisions,
tell him what do, run his life.
We're not married.
Without Gary,
the temple is going under.
Blockbuster Video
already is measuring
the parking lot.
Fran, you are looking
at the star of the new
Burt Bacharach musical.
Oh, honey, that is so...
Oh...
Chick-a-pee, chick-a-pee.
I'm sorry.
I rented Nell yesterday.
Listen, Gary, why don't
you go get measured
for your costume?
Well, now that I'm playing
the lead,
I guess my salary
shoots up, too.
Oh, there's that
comic timing again.
Uh, Mr. Sheffield, you know,
I think that you're taking
a big chance with Gary.
I mean, we don't even know him,
and the show is like your baby.
I mean,
would you trust your kids
to the first stranger
that walked off
the street again?
Miss Fine, the man
is a tremendous talent.
He's gonna be
the biggest star
on Broadway.
He'll be rich and famous.
You know, Ma, temples we got.
But a Blockbuster
in the neighborhood
could be a blessing.
Listen, you two,
I want my cantor back.
My friends have disowned me.
My life is over.
I want to die!
Does this have almond extract?
Well, I'm sorry, Sylvia,
but he's my star,
and I want him in my show.
I have a contract.
Ma, you're just gonna
have to accept this
like a grownup.
Besides, it's two against one.
It's not two against one.
I have a higher power
on my side.
You'll see.
Ours is not a merciful God.
Oh, don't listen to her.
Oh, what the hell
is a locust doing in here?
Boy, it's been raining
for seven days
and seven nights.
You don't think
your mother was right?
Shut up, Val.
God is forgiving, Miss Fine.
When I was a boy,
I once took five shillings
out of the collection plate
at church for toffee.
And nothing happened
to you, right?
That's right,
absolutely nothing.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go wash
other peoples' underwear.
Oh, Miss Fine,
just listen to
the advance publicity
I'm getting for my show.
"Maxwell Sheffield
has struck gold
in newcomer Gary Isaac."
Then it goes on
about Burt Bacharach
blah, blah, blah.
Who cares?
Who cares? Who cares?
And here at the end,
"Maxwell Sheffield
has assured himself
"the big new hit
of the season!"
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, so much for your mother
putting a whammy on us, eh?
On the contrary,
it seems God has sent us
both a nice Jewish boy.
Oh, you know,
I was never worried.
I mean,
if God listened
to a word Ma said,
I'd be living in a mansion
with a handsome millionaire
and gorgeous kids...
She forgot to say married?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Hey, Franny.
Gary!
Mr. Sheffield was just
reading me the article.
No. It's already in the paper
that I'm flying off to do
a movie?
(THUNDER RUMBLING) What movie?
I'm doing a part in Evita
for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh, no.
I--I knew it. I knew it!
Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.
Gary, you can't just
walk out on Mr. Sheffield
without giving him
at least two weeks' notice
and an engagement ring.
Now, wait a minute, Miss Fine.
You know, we're-- we're
behaving dreadfully.
I mean,
this is the opportunity
of a lifetime for Gary
and--and we should
wish him well.
Maxwell, thank you.
Thank you.
You know,
Fran, my whole life,
all I ever thought about
was settling down
and getting married.
And then I met you,
and you changed all that.
How ironic.
Well, have a safe flight.
You're going
in this weather, I hope.
Oh, can you believe this guy?
Doesn't he know how much money
has already been
invested in him?
I mean,
musicians have been hired.
Rehearsals have been scheduled.
People have been
working around the clock.
And that's just for my wedding.
What about your show?
Oh, don't worry, Miss Fine.
Gary isn't going anywhere.
He has an ironclad contract.
Was that Gary I saw
getting into a limo?
Oh, well, I'll have him
sign his contract
at the theater
tomorrow morning.
No rush.
Well, it seems
it's happened again,
hasn't it?
You see, I--I let you
get involved in my life.
A-At the time it seemed
like a good idea,
as it always does,
but then it isn't!
I haven't finished
with you yet.
But first, I have to go
bludgeon C.C. with a Tony!
(EXCLAIMING)
Fran, maybe God
is getting even with you
for taking the cantor
away from the temple.
You mean because
Mr. Sheffield wants
to kill me
and now I have no boyfriend?
Nah, there's nothing
out of the ordinary
about that.
Oh, my God, look!
I missed the Loehmann's
year-end clearance sale.
Why are you doing this to me?
We've been exiled to Siberia.
Look at them staring at us.
I used to sit up there
with those vicious
backstabbers.
We had a ball.
FRAN: Oh, my God!
Debbie Berkowitz got engaged?
Who am I? Job?
Ma, a BLT?
Nobody can see us back here.
I could throw a luau.
Anyway,
you got a little
mayo on your mouth.
Darling, I can't
wipe my face with a...
$500 check?
Oh, give me that.
This is the money that I got
when I scammed the airlines.
Why is God punishing me?
What was my crime?
(GASPS) Hello.
Oh, no.
It's ridiculous.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Donation to the temple!
Donation to the temple!
Here, Rabbi, take it.
Find yourself a new cantor.
God bless you, Franny.
Don't tell me. Tell him!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Mrs. Newman just told me
she's moving to Boca.
We're first on the list
for front-row seats
for the high holy days.
Fine.
The engagement is off!
Boy, he not only works
in mysterious ways,
he works like that.
Darling, I'm so glad
that we're back on
his good side.
So am I, Ma.
Let's pray.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.
Find her a doctor.
Find me a doctor.