The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 3, Episode 15 - Fashion Show - full transcript

Miss Fine, come on!

We're gonna miss the premiere.

What can she be doing up there?

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

Blow-drying, sir.

Niles,
why does it take
women an hour to do

what a man can do
in five seconds?

Speak for yourself, sir.

Okay, I'm ready.
How do I look?

Fine. Now, let's go.

Fine? I need gorgeous.
I'm changing.



No. I-I-I meant gorgeous.

Oh, why didn't I say gorgeous?
Why? Why? Why?

Dad, she's been working here
for three years.

When are you gonna learn?

Okay. "Does this make me
look fat?" No.

"Do you like my hair
this way?" Yes.

"Is my tush
wider than usual?"

There is no answer to that one.

Sir, you've got to know
how to speak to a woman.

Miss Fine,
you'll miss the buffet.

Ready. How do I look?

ALL: Gorgeous.

But do you think
the dress makes me look...

ALL: No.



Do you like
what I did with my...

ALL: Yes.

Great. I just gotta
change my purse.
No, no, no, Miss Fine.

No one's gonna see
the bloody purse.
We'll be late.

Oh, will you calm down?

I know that
you always lie to me

and tell me things
start earlier than they do.

Yeah, well,
stupidly, this time
I told you the truth.

Well, why did you do that?

I depend on that extra
half hour that's not real.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Oh, children, wait in the car,
will you?

Tell you what, Miss Fine,
I'll send the limo back
for you.

Thank you.

Don't want to keep
Alec and Kim waiting.

Baldwin and Basinger?

That's right.

They're waiting in the limo.

I don't believe you.

Wanna risk it?

I can't see her.

Oh, yeah, that's her
with the blond hair.

That's Maggie.

Is it?

Oh, you just think
you're so smart,
don't you?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Are we taking Gracie with us?

She's waiting in the limo.

Is she?

Excuse me.

Do you think
I'm gonna fall
for the same trick?

Daddy?

♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens

♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out

♪ in one of those
crushing scenes

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?

♪ She was out on her fanny

♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door

♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more

♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!

♪ That's how
she became the nanny!

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described

♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?

♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling

♪ Watch out, C.C.!

♪ And the kids
are actually smiling

♪ Such joie de vivre!

♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing

♪ The nanny named Fran!

Oh, I can't believe
how many famous people
are here tonight.

(GASPING)
Oh, my God,
there's the paparazzi

that got hit by Sean Penn.

Oh, look, there's the one
that got hit by Mickey Rourke.

Oh, my God,
there's the one
that parachuted

into Liz's wedding.

Oh, is this
a star-studded
event or what?

Fran,
Antonio Banderas sighting.

I saw Melanie Griffith.
And Tom Hanks.

Oh, my God.
And I only have
one picture left.

Grace, pretend to pass out.

When everybody
gathers around to help,

take a group shot.

You see, Miss Fine,
if I hadn't dragged
you out of the house,

you'd have missed all this.

You'd still be upstairs
looking for another purse.

Okay. I admit it.

It sure is thrilling being
on this side of the ropes.

Usually,
I'm the schnook
on the other side

jumping up and down
like an idiot.

Oh, my God, Patrick Swayze.

Patrick Swayze, over here.

Mr. Sheffield, could we
get a picture of you
and your date?

Oh, you brought a date?

Oh! Oh, wait, one minute,
honey. Okay.

Hey, it's that
Italian supermodel.
What's your name again?

Mondula.
MAN: Mondula.

Mondula.
Mondula, Gloss magazine.

Who designed the gown?

A new Italian designer, Ragu.

Maxwell, I'm thrilled
we're participating
in this charity benefit.

It's for a very needy cause.

Yeah. Who's it for again?

Oh, I don't know.

Some disease.

Very trendy.
Valerie Bertinelli
did the movie of the week.

I didn't see it, though.
I had a date.

Oh, then it was a big night
for charity all around.

Dad, um, if you knew
Fran would kill you

for something that you did

that turned out
really bad for her,

would you tell her,
or would you try to
keep it from her?

Oh, now, Margaret,
haven't I taught you
to confront your problems?

Now, what could you possibly
have done to Miss Fine
that was so horrible?

Not me. You.

Niles, the limo.
I'm going to the club.

See if you can solve this
with money.

Dad, Dad,
Fran's picture's
in Gloss magazine.

Well, what's so
bad about that?
She'll be thrilled.

What, eyes closed?
Bad angle?

She's a fashion "Don't".

What's that to do with me?

Read the caption.

"Who let her
out of the house
with that purse?"

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, I just remembered
the charity.

Asthma.

Niles, get this piece
of trash out of here.

You heard the man, move it.

Knock-knock.
Has anyone seen
my new Gloss magazine?

Oh, no.
Oh, no. I've been working.

Seen?
No, Fran, I'm sorry.

Is this it?

Is there a picture of me in it?

Oh, I don't know.

Page 63, right after
the chick in the Hanes ad.

What's the matter?
Why don't you want me
to see it?

I don't care if it's blurry.
That knocks 10 years off.

No. You can't have it.

You think that's gonna stop me?

Oh, I look fabulous.
Look, they gave me
half a page.

Oh, I gotta go call Val.

Everybody out!

Not you!

(STAMMERING)
Oh, Miss Fine, let's
not be hasty about this.

Don't you worry.

It's gonna be slow and painful.

Hi, Ma.

Yeah. Mr. Sheffield here
wants to hear all about

your hysterectomy.

(WHIMPERING)

All right, Miss Fine.
I know how to make you
feel better.

I'm ready.

Come on.

Let's do it.

Now? Oh, no.
I'm not in the mood.

Oh, you want to.
I know you do.

Every time you look at me,
you've got one thing
on your mind.

I don't want you
to do it out of pity.

Come on upstairs.
You know you'll enjoy it.

No. I'm not prepared.

I'd have to go
to the drug store.

Oh, no, forget it.

I'm not dying
your gray streak today.

(GROANING)

Poor Miss Fine.

Maybe I ought to
buy her a little something.

Oh, Maxwell, will you
get over your nanny?

The benefit is Saturday night.

You know,
she has her eye on that
sonic nail drying system.

Maxwell, focus.
We need a director.
We need a set designer.

We need someone to do costumes.

(GASPING) That's it.
C.C., you are a genius.

We need ushers!
We need someone
to sell candy.

We need a fire marshal.

Oh, just look
at these editors
of Gloss magazine.

They don't know
squat about fashion.

A bunch of pretentious,
know-it-all wannabes.

Why don't they like me?

Fran, forget about it.

Look at you.
You're a beautiful woman.

Do you think
my friends are coming
over here to see me?

Take it from a guy.
No one in their right mind
was looking at your purse.

What'd your father
give you to say this?

A boom box.

Meanwhile, your sister
got new skis.

Who's depressed now?

Miss Fine,
every producer on Broadway

is preparing a scene
for a benefit next week.

I'm doing Our Town.

And I need a supervisor
for the costumes.

Ma-- Maxwell,
what are you saying?

I'm saying I want
to hire Miss Fine.

Regardless of what
that magazine says,

I happen to know
you have a keen sense
of style, Miss Fine.

So, will you take the job?

Are you kidding?

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

I can't believe
you trust me like that.

Maxwell, Nanny Fine
does not want you

to hire her out of guilt.

Guilt has been
very good to my people.

Oh, I gotta call Ma.

Look at her.
She's radiant.

And I think she'll do
a wonderful job.

Maxwell, I think
you're thinking

with your little producer.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, you're attracted
to this woman

for God knows what reason,

and it's clouding
your professional judgment.

Oh, C.C.,
that's ridiculous.

Besides, it's just
one scene in a benefit.

Maxwell, the entire
Broadway community
will be there,

and we'll have costumes
by Oscar de la Yenta.

If you insist on doing this,

then you'll do
the benefit alone,
because I'm out of here.

Hasta la vista, baby.

C.C. C.C.,
you're overreacting.
You'll-- You'll see.

Miss Fine
will do a splendid job.

Oh, Our Town.
This is going to be fabulous.

I'm gonna do
a whole Four Tops,
Temptations thing,

you know,
with backup singers
and sparkly gowns.

Oh, wait a minute.
That's Motown.

Don't worry.
I'll get it. I'll get it.

Can you believe the publicity
this benefit is getting?
Hmm.

It's for charity, you know.
Mmm-hmm.

What people won't do
to get their name
in the paper.

(CHUCKLING)

Page 64, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Honestly, the nerve
of C.C. to suggest

that I hired Miss Fine
for less than
honorable reasons.

Have you seen the costumes?

I don't need to see
the costumes, Niles.

I hired the right person
for the job.

What do you think
a producer does?

Prays that his trusty butler
has Polaroids of the costumes.

Oh, thank God.
Let me see them.

Plaid, plaid, gingham,
white, plain, fabulous.

I love you, Niles.

Well, I can't retire
on love, sir.

Knock-knock.
Mr. Sheffield,

are you ready for our meeting?

Oh, I am so excited.

You know, I have always dreamed

of the two of us
working together.

Well, Miss Fine,
you've been working
here for three years.

Oh, yeah, but now
I'm actually doing stuff.

I mean, without the kids.

Uh, Mr. Sheffield,
are you aware

that in this Our Town

all the characters are dead

and living in a cemetery?

Yes, of course I am.

Well, wouldn't you rather do
something like Dreamgirls?

No.

Okay. All right.

You're the big producer man.

Oh, this desk is so nice
and roomy under here.

Oh, what's that?
(LAUGHING)
That's my foot.

Oh, you kick your shoes off
when you work, too?

Yeah. Well, st-- stop it.
How would you like it
if I did it to you, eh?

(SQUEALING)

That tickles.

Don't. Stop.

Don't. Stop.

Don't stop.

No, no, no. Come on.

Seriously, we've got to make
some serious decisions here.

Oh, all right. Okay.

What do you think of this?

Oh, it's lovely.
But this is a benefit.

So perhaps you should
go with something
a little more sedate.

Why don't you wear
your black dress?

Oh, no.
This isn't for me.

This is for
your dead ingenue, Emily.

You know, she is
on stage every minute.
So she's really gotta pop.

And like my Cousin Toddy says,

if you gotta be dead,
be drop-dead.

Who...
Who's your Cousin Toddy?

Oh, I hired him to
help me with the costumes.

He's in the schmata business.

(STUTTERING)
Miss Fine, what happened

to a little plaid,
a little white...

They're sitting
on your bed upstairs?

You mean
Maggie's dry cleaning?
Oh, dear.

Oh, that was Margaret's
dry cleaning.

Mr. Sheffield,
why are your toes
all curling up?

You getting a foot cramp?

Well, Miss Fine,
I am in considerable pain.

Oh, well,
let me rub it for you.

Oh, no.
Miss Fine. Miss Fine.
It's all right, Miss Fine.

Where's Miss Fine?

FRAN: How does that feel,
Mr. Sheffield?

FRAN: Want me to rub
some lotion on it?

Should I leave?

No.

Thank you, Miss Fine.
That will be all.

You know, I have
a butler's benefit
coming up, and

we need some uniforms.

Niles.

I'm gonna go around
and get a basin

and fill it with some water
and some Epsom salts

so I can soak that.

She was massaging my foot.

Mmm.

Oh, Niles, what am I gonna do?

These costumes
are gonna be ghastly.

Was C.C. right?
Have I let my judgment

be impaired
by my feelings
for Miss Fine?

What feelings are those, sir?

Well, you know.
No, I don't, sir.

Oh, come on, Niles.

Oh, but you'd feel
so much better
if you just said it.

Oh, perhaps you're right.

Maybe I should
just admit that I...

Knock-knock.

Oh, wait!

MAN: There will be
a 10-minute intermission.

I'll have five Cokes,
three bottled waters,

and a Charleston Chew, please.

That'll be $125.

Or did you want large Cokes?

No.

Oh, Miss Fine, do you
want something to drink?

Oh, don't even mention
the word drink.

Did you see the line
for the ladies room?

I could hardly sit through
that scene of The Wiz.

Oh, man,
did you see that one
Andrew Lloyd Webber set,

how the entire mansion
just came down
from the ceiling?

(EXCLAIMING) Yeah.

Hey, Dad, what's your set like?

Brighton, a flashy set
just hides a flawed show.

Is his the one
with the bare stage
and the two ladders?

Yeah.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
don't worry about it.

This is a benefit.
People are just here
to find a cure

for their tax problems.

Oh, I know that
you're worried
about the costumes.

You do?
Of course.

That actress
who's supposed to be
playing 15-year-old Emily,

she's got a neck
like a Shar-Pei.

Don't you worry.

I had Cousin Toddy
stick her in a gold
lame dickey.

Ah, dickey.

Much better.

Jack Daniels, please.

You know, Mr. Sheffield,

I really haven't thanked you

for giving me this opportunity.

You don't know
what it means to me

to have somebody like you
put so much faith in me.

What's that for?

For luck, Miss Fine.

Oh, well, beats break a leg.

Oh, it's starting.
Oh, there we go.
Better get in there.

Come on, kids.
I don't want you
to miss your big moment.

No.
I'll be right there.

Oh, okay.
I can't wait to see it.

It'll be great.
It'll be swell.

Everything's coming up roses.

So, this bartending job,
does it pay well?

Because I'd still like
to work in the theater.

Oh, Maxwell, I'm so sorry.

This might be a bad time
to ask you this,

what with your career
in the toilet and all.

But now are you ready to admit

that it wasn't your brain
that hired Nanny Fine?

Look, I'll admit
it was a mistake
hiring her,

but I won't question
my motivation.

History is full
of relationships
between men and women

that have nothing to do
with sexual attraction,
like, um...

Mmm-hmm?

Uh...
Mmm-hmm.

Uh...
Mmm-hmm.

Us.
Mmm.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
it was fabulous.

The clothes were a knockout.

The only complaint
was the hair was too big,

but don't worry,

that was just from a woman
that was sitting behind me.

You should hear
what the man behind me said.

Are you Dolph Lundgren?

Look who's here.
It's Todd Oldham.

Oh, I just love his designs.

We sat together
at the Women's Wear Daily
luncheon.

Oh.

Oh, oh, he's coming over
to say hello.

Todd.

Franny.

Oh, Cousin Toddy.

You mean Todd Oldham
is your Cousin Toddy?

Yeah.
Well, of course.

How do you think a nanny
could afford to dress
the way I do?

So, who wore this before me?

Was it Cindy Crawford?
Heather Locklear?

Well, actually,
it was Wesley Snipes.

Wesley... Huh?

Todd, I'd like you to meet
my boss, Maxwell Sheffield.

Hi, it's a pleasure.
How do you do?

And his partner,
C.C. Babcock.
Remember me?

No.

Mr. Sheffield, according
to Andrew Lloyd Webber,

your scene stole the show.

Really?
Webber knows my name?

I mean, Webber knows
my name is synonymous
with avant-garde.

Did he say that guy
or did he specifically
call me Maxwell Sheffield?

Uh, Todd,
in the cemetery,
everything was blue.

So evocative, so poignant.
Why blue?

Well, I like blue.

You like blue?

(CHATTERING)

And, Mr.--Mr. Sheffield,
how does it feel to
reinvent a classic?

Well, actually,
a great deal of the credit
goes to a very special woman

I work with.

Just a moment.

Thank you, Maxwell.
"C" period,
"C" period Babcock.

C.C.

Well, anyway,
you did a wonderful job.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I've got style,
I've got flair.

That's how I became the nanny.

Oh, there's the photographer
from Gloss magazine.

He's gonna take
a picture of her.

Excuse me. Miss Babcock.

MAN: Right here.

(CAMERA CLICKING)