The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 1, Episode 7 - Imaginary Friend - full transcript

Now, everyone,
Mr. Fuzzy would like to share.

Oh, I just love
playing with
dolls.

We aren't playing.
Oh?

We're in group therapy.

Oh.

Thank God, because, you know,

I heard Ken and Barbie
are on the skids.

Really?

I heard it directly
from Chatty Cathy.

It seems Ken found out

that Barbie had a fling
with G.I. Joe



right before Desert Storm.

Poor Ken.

Poor Barbie.

One little indiscretion
in 30 years

and it cost her the Dream House.

Barbie never said a word.

She must be in denial.

Sure.
Look at her
feet.

That's all from frustration.

Never trust a woman

who can't wear flats.

♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪

♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪



♪♪ In one Of those
Crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell
makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style, she had
flair
She was there ♪♪

♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪♪♪

All right, all right, I confess.

Just make her stop
playing.
It's torture.

You don't know what torture is.

My sister played the zither.

Once, my ears actually bled.

My teacher says
I have nimble fingers.

You know, sign language
is an excellent hobby.

Come on, Imogene, king me.

Who's she talking to?
No one.

Okay, I'll do it myself.

Submitted for your approval,

a girl who has a friend
who isn't there,

an imaginary friend,

here inThe Gracie Zone.

Give her a break.
She's only 6.

When she invites
an imaginary guy

to the prom,
we'll start worrying.

I win.

You want to play
hide-and-go-seek?

Okay, you hide.

Where'd she go?

Sheis

Gracie. Whoo-hoo.
Honey.

Maybe we should all
play a game together now.

You know, like Go Fish,
or my favorite, Old Maid.

Yes, exactly.
Shut up, Brighton.

Oops! Bit too much polish.

Excuse me.
Is this Dr. Bort's office?

Oh, yeah. Of course.

I'm sorry.
I'm just a little
new
at this whole...

therapy thing.

May I help you?

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm okay, you're okay.

Are they okay?

You must be a new patient.

Me, a patient?

What are you, nuts?

Not that there's
anything wrong with
it.

I'm just here to
pick up Grace
Sheffield.

You must be the new nanny.

Yes. Fran Fine.

I'm sort of a
role model for her.

I'm sure she's mentioned me.

Anything Grace may have
said about you

is strictly confidential.

Well, what do you mean?

Oh, if she blabbed about

that little Chutes and
Ladders incident,

I did not cheat.

She just can't count.

Please sit down.
You're disturbing
the other patients.

Like they're not
disturbed
already.

Alligator handbag,
2,000 bucks. Ha!

We should all have her problems.

Hiya, Gracie.
How was your session?

It was great.
I'm starting to
make real progress.

Good for you.
Come on, Imogene. Lunch time.

Stage Deli?
I was gonna say the same thing.

That's after a $150 session.

Well, what can one say
about these costumes?

They're, uh...
They're awfully well-drawn.

You stayed almost completely
inside the lines.

They're
grotesque.
You couldn't
design a dickey,

you talentless hack.

He hung up on me.

You catch a lot
more
flies with honey

than you do with vinegar...

although what anybody would want

with a whole bunch of flies...

Unless, of course,

you had a lizard to feed

or a salamander or something.

Miss Fine,

may I ask
why you're in my office

babbling about reptiles?

Well, actually, I
wanted to talk to
you

about one of the kids.

Oh, if this is
about canceling Maggie's
piano lessons...

God, yes.

So she's not Liberace.
Is that such a crime?

Yes. In some countries,
they'd cut off her hands.

What?

Question...
when they shot Bambi's
mother,

did you find that
a sad moment...

At all?

I'm sure she's mounted
on a nice wall

in a fine home somewhere.

Uh-huh, well...

Now I'll talk to you.

Yeah. Um...

I took Gracie out to lunch,

and that figment
of her
imagination

tagged along.
Ah, Imogene.

Now, not that I
mind
eating two BLTs,

but she stuck me for the check.

Yes, she has been cropping up
quite a bit lately.

Oh, you should have seen
poor Gracie in the park,

sitting on the teeter-totter

with her little
tush
in the dirt,

not budging an inch,

just waiting and waiting.

I'll tell you,
it broke my
heart.

Well, perhaps we should
increase her therapy.

Well, I was thinking

of doing just the opposite.

I mean, she's 6 years old.

Does she really have to
lie on some couch

getting her head shrunk
twice a week?

Miss Fine,

they don't actually
shrink the child's
head.

What am I, an ignoramus?

Who recommended
this quack, anyway?

She happens to be
one of the finest
therapists in New
York.

You can't even get in to see her

unless one of her
patients commits
suicide.

That's just like my
pedicurist, Selma.

Boy, that woman knows
her way around a hammertoe

like nobody's business.

Miss Fine, while I appreciate
your concern,

Grace is a very complex child,

and therapy is an
important outlet for her.

Well look, if she needs an
outlet, I'll take her to
Jersey.

They got a Ralph Lauren
outlet,
Donna Karan outlet...

I'm not saying the kid's
got to go cold turkey.

I'm just saying I think
she needs a little less Freud

and a little more fun.

Therapy happens to be
very beneficial.

I've been going for 20 years.

Nah. It's too easy.

How come they call them
Tollhouse cookies?

Because you eat now,
and you pay later.

Don't eat raw dough.
It'll make you sick.

Oh, that's not true.
Grownups just say
that.

Why?
More dough for them.

Grownups lie sometimes.

You know, you don't really
have to wait an hour

before you go into the pool.

Oh, unless you've
eaten
my mother's cooking.

Then you got to wait a week.

Don't.
Imogene's sitting there.

Oh. Whoops.
I'm sorry.

I'll sit here.

No! Now she's
sitting there.

Oh, she's a zippy
little thing, isn't she?

Excuse me?

Oh, sure.
What?

She wants to sit on the counter.

What are you doing?
She's only this big.

She's only this big,

and she's causing me
this much trouble?

Here.
Get in the
teacup.

She's bored.

She's bored? Oh, here.

She just went to Disneyland.

Hi, Daddy.
Hello, sweetheart.

Don't eat raw dough.
It'll make you sick.

Yeah, right.

The eggs are pasteurized.

Here. Live it up.
Take a fingerful.

Mm. Very tasty.

You know it.

So, what did you
ladies do today?

We shopped till we dropped.

She tried on every pair of
shoes
and didn't buy a thing.

I made a salesman cry.

I'll tell you,
she's got a real gift.

I have to say, Miss Fine,
cutting down on her therapy

seems to have done some good.

Well, you know what they say...

who needs Freud
when you've got Ferragamo?

Maybe I should
put out a shingle.

Stop!
What is it?

What's the matter?

You killed Imogene!

How? What'd I do?

You ate her.

You ate her?

I did not eat her.

She was sitting on that
cookie,
and you ate her!

Oh, God. Ptooey! Ptooey!

Grace, look, she spat her out.

There she is.
Imogene's
fine.

Yeah, she's not dead.
She's just a little
stunned.

You okay, honey?

Help her!

Do something.

Well, what should I do, CPR?

CPR? CPR!
Right!

Over here!

Well, I've only done
it on a dummy.

I hope I know...
What am I saying?

Save her!
She's turning
blue!

All right, all right.
The first thing we have to do
is clear the air passageway.

There. Her throat's clear.

That wasn't
her throat!
Ew!

All right, you'll wash
your hands later.

Keep going!

Now I have to breathe
in her mouth.

This is her mouth?

I'll pump her little heart.

Don't break...
Don't break her ribs!

She stopped breathing!

Oy. Okay.

Clear!

Boom!

Take her pulse.

Oh. Oh, yes. Right.

Um, I'm getting a pulse.

Oh, look.
She's coming around.

Well, she's a bit
disheveled,
but she's a plucky one.

She pulled through!

We've done it!
Yay!

It's too late. She's gone.

This is terrible.

I'll say.
My malpractice insurance
is gonna skyrocket.

I don't believe this.

Well, it was an accident.

I'm telling you,
I didn't eat
anyone.

Oh... a hair.

If I told her once,

I told her a thousand times...

Don't sit on food.

Oh, angel, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to eat her.

The house is so empty
without her.

What am I going to do
with all of her stuff?

Maybe we could call
the Salvation Army.

Well, I'm sure
they'll have room in the
truck.

I keep expecting her
to walk through that door.

Well, you know, sweetheart,

since she was
an imaginary
friend,

couldn't you just
imagine
she was alive again?

If only it were that simple.

Well, she's not God, you know.

If you don't mind,
I'd like to be alone.

Of course, angel.

Well, we understand.

You just call us
if you need anything, okay?

Oy.

Do we have our
hands full,
mister?

I just don't know
what to do for her.

This whole imaginary
friend thing's

gotten completely out of hand.

Well, you called the
shrink.
What did she say?

No, I couldn't reach her.
She was seeing her therapist.

The therapist is in therapy?

No comment.

Poor little Gracie.
She's taking this all so hard.

God, there must be something
we could do.

I remember when Goldie died...

may she rest in peace.

Your grandmother?

No, my goldfish.

Goldie the goldfish.
Clever.

You should write.

I loved her so,

and then there she was one day,

belly up in her bowl,

her little body
just covered with
ick.

We gave her a 21-flush salute.

What a lovely tribute.

No. She just
wouldn't go
down.

Miss Fine, I understand
you were fond of your fish,

but are we floating
anywhere near a point here?

The point is, and by the way,

thank you so much
for your
sympathy...

is that when death

comes tapping at your tank,

you need to have
some kind of closure...

Like a funeral.

So let me get this straight.

We're going to have
a mock funeral

for an imaginary friend.

Yeah.
And Grace is the one in therapy?

Now, when you give the eulogy,

make sure you mention

how much Imogene
loved peanut butter.

Why do I have
to do the eulogy?
Why not you?

Well, wouldn't that
be in poor taste?

I ate her.

Good point, Nanny Lecter.

Hey, behave,

or I'll take a bite out of you.

Grace, dear.
How are you holding up?

It's still a shock.

I always thought I'd go first.

Oh, I see you went
with the open casket,

but wouldn't Imogene
rest more comfortably

without my expensive
new boots in there?

No. She always wanted
to be buried with her boots on.

But they're my boots.

Lord and Taylor giveth,

and Lord and Taylor taketh away.

She couldn't have
gone
with a nice casket
from Kinney's?

Grace, I know you miss Imogene,

but remember, part of her
will always be with you.

And the rest of her's
in Fran's stomach.

Unless she's already
been... passed on.

Okay, your father
has
a few words to say

about the dearly departed.

Um, oh, yes.

Well, what can one
say
about Imogene?

Um, faithful friend,
constant companion,

peanut butter lover.

Um, Niles?

Oh, I'm too overcome, sir.

I have a few words prepared.

No.
No.
No.

Well, perhaps we can
take some solace

from the immortal words,

"therefore, ask not
for whom the bell tolls..."

Thank God it tolls for me.

That's Dr. Bort.
I'll take it in the
office.

Maggie, play something.

Really? Any requests?

Gee, how about "Heart and Soul"?

Okay.

As if there isn't enough
pain
in this house.

Ah, yes, doctor.
It's Grace.

No, well, she's okay,

but I'm afraid Imogene
has been better.

She's dead.

Eaten, actually...

By the nanny.

I spit her out.
She died on the
table.

All right. All right.
Thank you, Dr. Bort.

She wants to see us immediately.

Us? Oy. Shrinks.

They always blame
it
on the nanny.

Hi, Gracie.

Dr. Bort
is waiting for you.

We're late. Can't you
ever
be on time for anything?

You think this look
happens by accident?

You think these clothes
just fall on me?

The only shoes
that work with this outfit

are six feet under.

Hi.

That's how we used to talk
to each other.

Remember, sweetheart?

Yes, dear.

But then Dr. Bort
gave us the tools

to rebuild our marriage.

And now it's perfect.

We're not married.

Get out now!

You know what
the doctor's gonna do,

don't you?

She's gonna try and pin
this whole thing on me.

And she'd be wrong exactly how?

Well, I'm not the one

that cut back
on Gracie's therapy.

You're the one who suggested it.

Since when do you listen to me?

Oh, he walked
right into that
one.

Besides, I never would
have suggested it

if I knew then what I know now.

What do you know?
Oh, you know.

Niles told me
all about your family tree.

It's just crawling
withmeshugenahs.

Translation?

Nuts, kooks, wackos.

My family's dementia
is a vicious rumor.

Mm-hmm.
Just because my
great-aunt Hermione

lived in the gazebo
with a giant hoot
owl.

There's the queen of normal.

Not to mention your Uncle Duncan

with the magic kilt.

Itwas

Gracie, darling,

how are you feeling?

I'm drained.

I don't bounce back
like I used to.

Have a seat, Gracie.

Hello,
Mr. Sheffield,

and you must be the nanny.

Is that what she told you?

You are the nanny.

Oh, right.

Get out?

Is that what you want, out?

Yes, I want out.

Forget it.
You're in... forever.

Okay.

I'm sure it's
been
a difficult
time

for everyone.

Would you like a cookie?

I think not.

Look, before you start
blaming me for
everything,

I just want you to
know
that I've always

had Gracie's best
interest
at heart,

and I think I've done
a pretty good job with
her

except for this one measly

little dead friend thing.

You know what I think?

That's it?

Two seconds of conversation,

and you're ready
to pass judgment?

I think you've done a good
job
with Grace.

Oh, she is very insightful.

She's really starting
to open up,

not to mention
a marked improvement
in her wardrobe.

Oh, thank you.

We'll talk.

Maxine, would you please
send Grace in?

You know, Grace
first started seeing me

after her mother died.

Which is about the
time Imogene first appeared.

Helped fill the void
in Grace's life.

I think I see what
you're getting at, doctor.

Well, will
somebody
buy me a vowel?

Hello, sweetheart.

Hi, angel.
Come sit between
us.

You know, Grace,

Fran's feeling really bad
about what happened to Imogene.

Well, sure. She killed her.

Well, she didn't really
kill her, did she?

Yeah. I was there.
She ate her.

I tried to save her.

Now, Grace, I want you to think.

Was it really Fran's fault?

You mean because Imogene
was just my pretend friend?

That's right.

Maybe you just didn't want
to play with her anymore.

Yeah, she was kind of
getting on my nerves.

But what's the real reason
you don't need Imogene anymore?

Because now I have Fran.

Oh...
I'm
speechless.

This is a miracle.

No. It's really a common
psychological occurrence.

No. The miracle
is her being speechless.

I feel much better now.

Me too.

Maybe this whole
therapy thing
isn't such a
crock.

Well, thank you, Miss Fine.

Here, Fran, you want a cookie?

Oh, I don't think so.

It's all right, Fran.

Go ahead.

Oh, you sure you don't see
anybody sitting on this?

No... Do you?

Oof.

Miss Fine, it's
3:00
in the morning.

Thank you, Big Ben.

Lose something?

No. I've always wanted
to visit China.

Give it up, Miss Fine.

You'd be singing
a different tune

if your wingtips
were pushing up daisies.

Let the poor
soles
rest in peace.

I can't.

I'm still making
payments on them.

Oh, here.

Oh, Niles.
You doll, you.

I just figured if we dig
a deep enough hole,

we can bury the piano.