The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 1, Episode 5 - Here Comes the Brood - full transcript
C.C.'s attempts to get closer to Maxwell's children results in Gracie running away.
Voilà.
Hurry up, kids,
the limo's waiting!
I love saying that.
And I love hearing it.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Oh.
Oh, I'll get it.
You finish.
I have finished.
Mmm... Look again.
Good morning, Miss Babcock.
Come in.
Make yourself comfortable.
I see you have.
You don't know.
Between the boss and the kids,
who's got time to dress?
Mr. Sheffield,
Miss Babcock's
here!
Miss Fine, please.
They've already freed Willy.
Oh, don't you
girls
look gorgeous.
We wear these same uniforms
every day.
Trust me. Men dream
about these outfits.
Come on, Brighton.
You're gonna miss the
limo.
Is it the stretch
or the town car?
Oh, what do you
care?
Just be grateful.
Your father had to walk
10 miles in the snow
to get to his limo.
Good morning, everyone.
Oh, boy,
don't you look handsome.
Well, thank you.
Oh, wait a minute. You got
a littleschmutz.
Did she just spit on that tissue
and rub it on his face?
I brushed.
Okay, off you go.
Good luck on your math test.
What's 6 times 12?
72.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Does my hair look okay?
You're beautiful,
but let's save this
for when you need a facelift.
There...
that's much softer.
Very pretty.
Oh, and my headache's gone.
And you have fun in school
today, Gracie.
How can I when the polar ice
caps are melting?
Oh, don't worry about it.
I put a snorkel
in your lunch box.
Now, everyone say
goodbye to Daddy.
Goodbye.
Daddy?
Did I miss the wedding?
That twitch becomes
you.
Is it new?
Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Let me fix your tie.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What, no good?
I was trying a Double Windsor.
Churchill wore one, you know.
Hmm, he must have been
hiding a goiter.
Does Donna Reed
ever give it a rest?
Excuse me.
I have some pies I need to cool
on the windowsill.
[HUMMING THEME FROM
THE DONNA REED SHOW]
Well, Nanny Fine has
certainly made herself at home.
Yes, yes. She's proving to
be an absolute treasure.
How lucky for us all
that you dug her up.
I just hope the children
aren't getting too attached.
She is the nanny,
C.C.
That's kind of the
point.
Yes, but lately I feel
like I haven't spent any time
with you and the children.
C.C., you've never spent any
time with me and the children.
Why dwell in the past?
Well, tomorrow
is Miss Fine's day off.
We could go to the zoo.
[SCOFFS]
The zoo?
How marvelous!
We'll be like one big,
happy family, you and me.
And the children.
Oh, of course.
That goes without saying.
C.C., this is a side of
you
that's rather
unexpected.
Maxwell, I adore children.
It's a natural thing,
a female thing.
I hear some females
eat their young.
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup ♪♪
♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪♪
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ When everybody else
IS wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
I don't want to go to the zoo.
I had nightmares about fangs
and claws and snarling.
Gracie, they keep
the animals in cages.
She's talking about C.C.
Oh, come on.
Stop being such a big, fat baby.
You got a toothache.
You go to a dentist.
I don't have a toothache,
just slept on it wrong.
Who sleeps on a tooth?
Unless you're waiting
for a fairy.
Now, open up.
Let me take a look.
Miss Fine, it's my mouth,
and I reserve the
right
to keep it shut...
an option you
might consider
from time to
time.
All right,
but what are you gonna do
when all your teeth fall out?
I assume I'll be
masticating for him.
I hope you get
time and a half
for that one.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Mm! Why is this water
so blasted cold?
It's the polar ice caps!
[SCREAMS]
Now you see what happens
when you neglect dental hygiene?
Miss Fine, isn't this
your day off?
Do you have to go?
Well, I'd much rather be
with you, angel,
but I gotta be bridesmaid
to my second
cousin,
once removed.
And believe me, she was
removed for a reason.
Miss Babcock, I presume.
Good morning, children.
Good morning, Maxwell.
C.C., don't you
look smashing.
Banana Republic?
Abercrombie & Fitch, dear.
All right, so you paid double.
Well, then,
we're off to the zoo.
One second, Maxwell.
You have some crumbs.
Ow!
What? I did it
just like she
did.
That's it.
No zoo for you.
You're going to see a dentist.
Oh, I remember a customer
in the bridal shop.
She had a toothache,
turned into an abscess,
the infection got
into the bloodstream,
by the end of the honeymoon,
they buried her.
Who's got the butter?
I'm fine!
Besides, dentists
don't
work on Saturdays.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I got an Uncle Myron.
How did I know?
Don't laugh. He's built
an entire practice on
availability alone.
Miss Fine, the children were
counting on going to the zoo.
Well, Miss Babcock
can still take them.
This is just how
my nightmare started.
[DOOR OPENS]
BRIGHTON: Oh, yeah.
Remind me to do
that anytime soon.
Just shut up, Brighton!
There, you're
home.
Are you happy?
Niles, get me
anything,
and make it a double.
Well, look who's out of Africa.
I take it the
natives
were restless.
Oh, no.
We had a marvelous time.
I think the highlight
was when Brighton
threw up in my helmet.
Oh, and it's so tricky
getting vomit out of
pith.
Try baking soda.
Fran told you
not to let me have junk food.
You insisted!
Who listens to a 10-year-old?
We didn't even
go
to the petting
zoo.
Is it my fault
your sister had to
stop
at every bathroom?
She must have a bladder
the size of a walnut.
Fran says it's not small!
It's just tilted.
I don't care if it's mounted
on a gyroscope.
All day long,
it's, "Fran, Fran, Fran."
If I hear the F-word
one more time...
Fran enjoys
spending time with us.
[MOCKING]
"Fran enjoys spending..."
Let me tell you something
about your beloved nanny.
She gets paid to spend time
with you.
I did it for nothing.
That's not
true.
Fran loves us.
Gracie!
By the way, I also threw up
in your purse.
So next week, Chuck E. Cheese?
Look at me, Ma.
I look like
Pat Boone's
mistress.
God forbid you should
outshine the bride.
Really, is it my fault
she's a size 18?
Did I shove the doughnuts
in her mouth?
No. She was always jealous
of you.
[LAUGHS AND SMOOCHES]
[SMOOCHES BACK]
What are you doing?
Putting polish on my run.
Ma, you're supposed
to use clear.
That looks like somebody
bit you.
I should be so lucky.
Zip me up.
[INHALES]
Ooh, too tight?
[GRUNTS]
Oh, I don't know
about these straps,
Ma.
You look like a ham.
The salesgirl said
I look like a dream.
Maybe Oscar Mayer's.
She should choke
on her commission.
Oh! It's 6:00.
Comb your father's hair.
Morty!
We're leaving without you!
Part it on the right.
It stays better in the wind.
On the left is
better.
One eye is
smaller.
Be a doll. Get my shoes.
Okay.
For crying out loud...
You know, Ma...
If you wore leather,
your feet wouldn't sweat.
I should pay top dollar
for shoes
I'm only gonna wear once?
19.95.
Oh, they're perfect.
Ow. They're like rocks.
Take the hair in to your
father
before the glue dries.
Oy, too late!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Who's that?
Oh, it's Gracie.
Ma, it's Gracie.
Honey, what are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood.
Isn't she adorable!
You want a scooter pie?
That's your first question?
How did you get
here?
What's the matter?
I missed you.
Aw, well, I missed you too,
honey,
but you're supposed to be
at the zoo with C.C.
Maybe she's allergic, you know.
Your Uncle Marvin was allergic
to peacocks.
There are no shots for that.
Ma, I see your lips moving,
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Where's your father?
How did you get here?
I ran away.
I took a
limo.
[GASPS]
I ran away, I took a banana.
Are you mad at me?
No, angel, but who
runs from Park Avenue
to Flushing?
Honey, you're running
in the wrong direction.
She's running to you.
Oh, I think that's
the sweetest thing I ever
heard.
Now I know the love of a child.
You could get fired
from all this love.
Why? What did I do?
She's too emotionally attached
to you.
No, she's not.
I'm her nanny.
Meanwhile, I have a girl
who comes twice a week to clean.
If she left me tomorrow,
would I take a limo to Haiti?
I'm telling you,
it's not normal.
Shh! Keep it up, Ma.
The kid's dolls are in therapy.
Darling, you're home.
How was the dentist?
[MUFFLED] Horrible.
The man is completely insane!
You sound like you have
a mouth full of cotton.
[MUFFLED]
Oh, right.
Oh...
I had to take this
out
when I got home.
Uh... Niles.
Oh, goody. Five more of these,
and I'll have a sweater.
How's the pain, Maxwell?
Uncle Myron filled me
with so much Novocain,
it could bring down an elephant,
then went on
about his grandson Robbie,
the tap-dancing genius.
I kept begging for the gas.
How was your day?
It has to have been
better than mine.
Oh, the children and I
had a marvelous time.
We're much closer now.
Yes. She really got Brighton
to spill his guts.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Here, darling,
have another cookie.
Ma, enough.
She's gonna pop.
Oh, let me spoil her.
At the rate you're going,
this could be
my only grandchild.
NILES:Sheffield residence.
Hiya, Niles.
Hello, Miss Fine.
How'd you know it was me?
Just a shot in the dark.
Do me a favor. Put the boss on.
Niles didn't say boo.
They have no idea she's missing.
Here, try the Entenmann's.
Stop forcing food
down her throat.
She's not a goose.
We're not making
pâté.
MAXWELL:
Hello, Miss Fine.
Oh, how are you, Mr. Sheffield?
Is everything okay?
Oh, everything's splendid.
C.C. and the children
had a marvelous time.
Uh-huh.
Well, let me talk to Gracie.
You want to speak to Gracie?
I'll fetch her.
I'll go.
C.C.'s going upstairs
to look for you right
now.
Well, she won't find me!
That's right.
Frankly, I had my doubts
about C.C.,
but it seems
she's full of surprises.
Uh-huh, wait. She's a regular
box of Cracker Jack.
You know, in a way,
she's a good influence
on the children.
Well, they can
be wild sometimes,
and she's so poised
and collected.
She's gone!
What?
She's gone!
What do you mean,
she's gone?
Where the devil is she?
I'm not sure. I'm almost
positive she came home with us.
But don't you know?
C.C., she was in your care!
Well, she could have sneaked
out
without my seeing her.
She is very small.
I have to call the police!
Hi, Daddy.
Grace, get off the phone!
I have to call...
Gracie, you're there?
I'll be right there.
I'm leaving now.
No, so are we.
You'll have to meet us
at the wedding.
Go to Leonard's
on Astoria
Boulevard.
Park in the car wash,
ask for the
Mishkin affair.
Bye.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
L'chayim!
Oh, look.
Gracie, Jeffrey Mishkin's
giving you the eye.
Why don't you go
have fun, angel.
And don't mention
global warming.
[SIGHS]
Chicken! For this,
I gave a $50 check.
You should have given them
a bond, made them wait.
Oh! Mr. Sheffield,
over here!
Who's the park ranger?
That's his business associate.
Uh-huh.
She wishes.
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, hi.
You remember my mother.
Mrs. Fine, charmed.
That makes two of us.
I'd like you to meet my husband.
Morty!
Oh, God.
It's hereditary.
That's nothing.
On my father's side,
they all have webbed
toes,
but excellent swimmers.
Sylvia Fine.
C.C. Babcock.
How do you do?
Like a fish.
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
I have to bring Morty a plate.
No skin, no butter, no sauce.
Ma, Gandhi ate better than that.
Better he should
drop dead on me?
Like I'd notice.
Hi, Daddy.
Sweetheart!
Oh, you scared me half to death.
We were worried sick.
You didn't even know
she was missing.
Well, I would have been
worried sick had I known.
Honey, what happened?
Why did you run away?
Well...
Oh, it doesn't matter why.
All that matters is she's okay.
C.C.! You're
smothering the
child!
She won't be happy
till she's finished her off.
Gracie, dear, go
and get your
coat,
and we'll discuss this at home.
But I don't want to go home.
After they cut the cake,
we're having schnapps.
That sounds delightful!
But you see, today
is Miss Fine's day
off,
and, well, we
wouldn't
want to intrude.
[GUESTS CLAPPING]
So, then, it's true.
What's true, angel?
That you only spend time with me
because Daddy pays you to.
[GASPS]
What kind of a vicious,
cold-hearted imbecile
would say something like that?
Well...I meant it
in the nicest possible way.
C.C.!
Uh, Sheffield!
Oh, God! Uncle Myron.
The nightmare
continues.
I want you to meet
my grandson Robbie.
Myron, not now.
Hit it!
♪♪ Gray skies
Are gonna clear up ♪♪
♪♪ Put on a happy face ♪♪
[CONTINUES TO SING]
C.C., what on
earth
possessed you?
Well, they were all
ganging up on me.
So you take it out
on a 6-year-old.
She started it!
Oh, that's very mature.
Well, that's the pot
calling the kettle black.
Now, come on, the two of you.
Now, the important
thing is... Will
you...?
ALL: Shut up!
That was only
slightly more
painful
than the toothache.
Meanwhile, what about
poor little...
Where's Grace?
She was right here.
See? And you both
jumped down my throat.
Grace?
Gracie!
Looking for something?
Yeah.
If she's 3'2"
and not a Jew...
she's in the powder room
crying her little eyes out.
Oh, I better go talk to her.
No, Miss Fine,
she's my daughter.
I'll talk to her.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
Maybe you better talk to her.
Creep!
Gracie?
[TEARFULLY]
I'm never coming
out.
Oh, honey...
Aren't you getting
a little claustrophobic
in that teeny-weeny stall?
Come here, baby.
Oy!
One day with my mother,
and you're ready
for Jenny Craig.
Honey, I want you to listen
to me very carefully, okay?
Okay.
All right. It's true.
I do get paid
to take care of
you,
but I don't get paid
extra
for loving you,
and I do!
I love you too.
Ah, let's face it,
Grace.
I'm no Ivana Trump.
Of course,
neither
is she, anymore.
I got one lousy
Christmas Club account
with maybe 49 cents in it,
so I gotta work for a living.
Lucky for me, I got the best job
in the whole wide world.
I love you.
So you don't just do it
for the money?
Believe me, by the
time
they take out State
and Federal and FICA,
it's a labor of love.
Let's see.
What do we look like here?
Oh! Uck! I'm a mess!
What's Jeffrey Mishkin
gonna think? I'm all puffy!
Honey, he's gonna
think
you're gorgeous.
Now you first
look
like his mother.
Oh, Grace!
Are you all right?
Through pain comes growth.
What?
She's fine.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
Go. Dance
with your
daughter.
All I wanted to do
was have the children
like me.
I try so hard to be loving
and sensitive and fun.
I can also juggle!
Beat it, you untalented
little troll!
You are a
regular
Mr. Rogers.
Look...
I can understand
that you're incredibly
threatened by me.
Yes, even in this dress.
However, it doesn't mean
that we can't all
live under one roof.
Oh, that's right,
you don't live with us.
Your point?
Look, you're a lovely woman,
and I wish you well,
but if you ever hurt
one of my kids again,
they'll be wiping your blue
blood off the walls...
and I mean that
in the nicest possible way.
Pardon me.
Ma...what are you doing?
Why shouldn't I have
a little centerpiece?
But they haven't even
cut the cake yet.
You're already taking
the flowers?
Well, for my $50,
I should get
something.
Look, Ma, she's standing
on his shoes.
Is that the cutest thing
you ever saw?
Adorable.
Go cut in.
[♪♪♪♪]
♪♪ Wipe off the gloomy mask
of tragedy ♪♪
♪♪ It's not your style ♪♪
♪♪ So put on a happy face ♪♪
One more time.
[CONTINUES TO SING]
Hurry up, kids,
the limo's waiting!
I love saying that.
And I love hearing it.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Oh.
Oh, I'll get it.
You finish.
I have finished.
Mmm... Look again.
Good morning, Miss Babcock.
Come in.
Make yourself comfortable.
I see you have.
You don't know.
Between the boss and the kids,
who's got time to dress?
Mr. Sheffield,
Miss Babcock's
here!
Miss Fine, please.
They've already freed Willy.
Oh, don't you
girls
look gorgeous.
We wear these same uniforms
every day.
Trust me. Men dream
about these outfits.
Come on, Brighton.
You're gonna miss the
limo.
Is it the stretch
or the town car?
Oh, what do you
care?
Just be grateful.
Your father had to walk
10 miles in the snow
to get to his limo.
Good morning, everyone.
Oh, boy,
don't you look handsome.
Well, thank you.
Oh, wait a minute. You got
a littleschmutz.
Did she just spit on that tissue
and rub it on his face?
I brushed.
Okay, off you go.
Good luck on your math test.
What's 6 times 12?
72.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Does my hair look okay?
You're beautiful,
but let's save this
for when you need a facelift.
There...
that's much softer.
Very pretty.
Oh, and my headache's gone.
And you have fun in school
today, Gracie.
How can I when the polar ice
caps are melting?
Oh, don't worry about it.
I put a snorkel
in your lunch box.
Now, everyone say
goodbye to Daddy.
Goodbye.
Daddy?
Did I miss the wedding?
That twitch becomes
you.
Is it new?
Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Let me fix your tie.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What, no good?
I was trying a Double Windsor.
Churchill wore one, you know.
Hmm, he must have been
hiding a goiter.
Does Donna Reed
ever give it a rest?
Excuse me.
I have some pies I need to cool
on the windowsill.
[HUMMING THEME FROM
THE DONNA REED SHOW]
Well, Nanny Fine has
certainly made herself at home.
Yes, yes. She's proving to
be an absolute treasure.
How lucky for us all
that you dug her up.
I just hope the children
aren't getting too attached.
She is the nanny,
C.C.
That's kind of the
point.
Yes, but lately I feel
like I haven't spent any time
with you and the children.
C.C., you've never spent any
time with me and the children.
Why dwell in the past?
Well, tomorrow
is Miss Fine's day off.
We could go to the zoo.
[SCOFFS]
The zoo?
How marvelous!
We'll be like one big,
happy family, you and me.
And the children.
Oh, of course.
That goes without saying.
C.C., this is a side of
you
that's rather
unexpected.
Maxwell, I adore children.
It's a natural thing,
a female thing.
I hear some females
eat their young.
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup ♪♪
♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪♪
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ When everybody else
IS wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
I don't want to go to the zoo.
I had nightmares about fangs
and claws and snarling.
Gracie, they keep
the animals in cages.
She's talking about C.C.
Oh, come on.
Stop being such a big, fat baby.
You got a toothache.
You go to a dentist.
I don't have a toothache,
just slept on it wrong.
Who sleeps on a tooth?
Unless you're waiting
for a fairy.
Now, open up.
Let me take a look.
Miss Fine, it's my mouth,
and I reserve the
right
to keep it shut...
an option you
might consider
from time to
time.
All right,
but what are you gonna do
when all your teeth fall out?
I assume I'll be
masticating for him.
I hope you get
time and a half
for that one.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Mm! Why is this water
so blasted cold?
It's the polar ice caps!
[SCREAMS]
Now you see what happens
when you neglect dental hygiene?
Miss Fine, isn't this
your day off?
Do you have to go?
Well, I'd much rather be
with you, angel,
but I gotta be bridesmaid
to my second
cousin,
once removed.
And believe me, she was
removed for a reason.
Miss Babcock, I presume.
Good morning, children.
Good morning, Maxwell.
C.C., don't you
look smashing.
Banana Republic?
Abercrombie & Fitch, dear.
All right, so you paid double.
Well, then,
we're off to the zoo.
One second, Maxwell.
You have some crumbs.
Ow!
What? I did it
just like she
did.
That's it.
No zoo for you.
You're going to see a dentist.
Oh, I remember a customer
in the bridal shop.
She had a toothache,
turned into an abscess,
the infection got
into the bloodstream,
by the end of the honeymoon,
they buried her.
Who's got the butter?
I'm fine!
Besides, dentists
don't
work on Saturdays.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I got an Uncle Myron.
How did I know?
Don't laugh. He's built
an entire practice on
availability alone.
Miss Fine, the children were
counting on going to the zoo.
Well, Miss Babcock
can still take them.
This is just how
my nightmare started.
[DOOR OPENS]
BRIGHTON: Oh, yeah.
Remind me to do
that anytime soon.
Just shut up, Brighton!
There, you're
home.
Are you happy?
Niles, get me
anything,
and make it a double.
Well, look who's out of Africa.
I take it the
natives
were restless.
Oh, no.
We had a marvelous time.
I think the highlight
was when Brighton
threw up in my helmet.
Oh, and it's so tricky
getting vomit out of
pith.
Try baking soda.
Fran told you
not to let me have junk food.
You insisted!
Who listens to a 10-year-old?
We didn't even
go
to the petting
zoo.
Is it my fault
your sister had to
stop
at every bathroom?
She must have a bladder
the size of a walnut.
Fran says it's not small!
It's just tilted.
I don't care if it's mounted
on a gyroscope.
All day long,
it's, "Fran, Fran, Fran."
If I hear the F-word
one more time...
Fran enjoys
spending time with us.
[MOCKING]
"Fran enjoys spending..."
Let me tell you something
about your beloved nanny.
She gets paid to spend time
with you.
I did it for nothing.
That's not
true.
Fran loves us.
Gracie!
By the way, I also threw up
in your purse.
So next week, Chuck E. Cheese?
Look at me, Ma.
I look like
Pat Boone's
mistress.
God forbid you should
outshine the bride.
Really, is it my fault
she's a size 18?
Did I shove the doughnuts
in her mouth?
No. She was always jealous
of you.
[LAUGHS AND SMOOCHES]
[SMOOCHES BACK]
What are you doing?
Putting polish on my run.
Ma, you're supposed
to use clear.
That looks like somebody
bit you.
I should be so lucky.
Zip me up.
[INHALES]
Ooh, too tight?
[GRUNTS]
Oh, I don't know
about these straps,
Ma.
You look like a ham.
The salesgirl said
I look like a dream.
Maybe Oscar Mayer's.
She should choke
on her commission.
Oh! It's 6:00.
Comb your father's hair.
Morty!
We're leaving without you!
Part it on the right.
It stays better in the wind.
On the left is
better.
One eye is
smaller.
Be a doll. Get my shoes.
Okay.
For crying out loud...
You know, Ma...
If you wore leather,
your feet wouldn't sweat.
I should pay top dollar
for shoes
I'm only gonna wear once?
19.95.
Oh, they're perfect.
Ow. They're like rocks.
Take the hair in to your
father
before the glue dries.
Oy, too late!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Who's that?
Oh, it's Gracie.
Ma, it's Gracie.
Honey, what are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood.
Isn't she adorable!
You want a scooter pie?
That's your first question?
How did you get
here?
What's the matter?
I missed you.
Aw, well, I missed you too,
honey,
but you're supposed to be
at the zoo with C.C.
Maybe she's allergic, you know.
Your Uncle Marvin was allergic
to peacocks.
There are no shots for that.
Ma, I see your lips moving,
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Where's your father?
How did you get here?
I ran away.
I took a
limo.
[GASPS]
I ran away, I took a banana.
Are you mad at me?
No, angel, but who
runs from Park Avenue
to Flushing?
Honey, you're running
in the wrong direction.
She's running to you.
Oh, I think that's
the sweetest thing I ever
heard.
Now I know the love of a child.
You could get fired
from all this love.
Why? What did I do?
She's too emotionally attached
to you.
No, she's not.
I'm her nanny.
Meanwhile, I have a girl
who comes twice a week to clean.
If she left me tomorrow,
would I take a limo to Haiti?
I'm telling you,
it's not normal.
Shh! Keep it up, Ma.
The kid's dolls are in therapy.
Darling, you're home.
How was the dentist?
[MUFFLED] Horrible.
The man is completely insane!
You sound like you have
a mouth full of cotton.
[MUFFLED]
Oh, right.
Oh...
I had to take this
out
when I got home.
Uh... Niles.
Oh, goody. Five more of these,
and I'll have a sweater.
How's the pain, Maxwell?
Uncle Myron filled me
with so much Novocain,
it could bring down an elephant,
then went on
about his grandson Robbie,
the tap-dancing genius.
I kept begging for the gas.
How was your day?
It has to have been
better than mine.
Oh, the children and I
had a marvelous time.
We're much closer now.
Yes. She really got Brighton
to spill his guts.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Here, darling,
have another cookie.
Ma, enough.
She's gonna pop.
Oh, let me spoil her.
At the rate you're going,
this could be
my only grandchild.
NILES:Sheffield residence.
Hiya, Niles.
Hello, Miss Fine.
How'd you know it was me?
Just a shot in the dark.
Do me a favor. Put the boss on.
Niles didn't say boo.
They have no idea she's missing.
Here, try the Entenmann's.
Stop forcing food
down her throat.
She's not a goose.
We're not making
pâté.
MAXWELL:
Hello, Miss Fine.
Oh, how are you, Mr. Sheffield?
Is everything okay?
Oh, everything's splendid.
C.C. and the children
had a marvelous time.
Uh-huh.
Well, let me talk to Gracie.
You want to speak to Gracie?
I'll fetch her.
I'll go.
C.C.'s going upstairs
to look for you right
now.
Well, she won't find me!
That's right.
Frankly, I had my doubts
about C.C.,
but it seems
she's full of surprises.
Uh-huh, wait. She's a regular
box of Cracker Jack.
You know, in a way,
she's a good influence
on the children.
Well, they can
be wild sometimes,
and she's so poised
and collected.
She's gone!
What?
She's gone!
What do you mean,
she's gone?
Where the devil is she?
I'm not sure. I'm almost
positive she came home with us.
But don't you know?
C.C., she was in your care!
Well, she could have sneaked
out
without my seeing her.
She is very small.
I have to call the police!
Hi, Daddy.
Grace, get off the phone!
I have to call...
Gracie, you're there?
I'll be right there.
I'm leaving now.
No, so are we.
You'll have to meet us
at the wedding.
Go to Leonard's
on Astoria
Boulevard.
Park in the car wash,
ask for the
Mishkin affair.
Bye.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
L'chayim!
Oh, look.
Gracie, Jeffrey Mishkin's
giving you the eye.
Why don't you go
have fun, angel.
And don't mention
global warming.
[SIGHS]
Chicken! For this,
I gave a $50 check.
You should have given them
a bond, made them wait.
Oh! Mr. Sheffield,
over here!
Who's the park ranger?
That's his business associate.
Uh-huh.
She wishes.
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, hi.
You remember my mother.
Mrs. Fine, charmed.
That makes two of us.
I'd like you to meet my husband.
Morty!
Oh, God.
It's hereditary.
That's nothing.
On my father's side,
they all have webbed
toes,
but excellent swimmers.
Sylvia Fine.
C.C. Babcock.
How do you do?
Like a fish.
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
I have to bring Morty a plate.
No skin, no butter, no sauce.
Ma, Gandhi ate better than that.
Better he should
drop dead on me?
Like I'd notice.
Hi, Daddy.
Sweetheart!
Oh, you scared me half to death.
We were worried sick.
You didn't even know
she was missing.
Well, I would have been
worried sick had I known.
Honey, what happened?
Why did you run away?
Well...
Oh, it doesn't matter why.
All that matters is she's okay.
C.C.! You're
smothering the
child!
She won't be happy
till she's finished her off.
Gracie, dear, go
and get your
coat,
and we'll discuss this at home.
But I don't want to go home.
After they cut the cake,
we're having schnapps.
That sounds delightful!
But you see, today
is Miss Fine's day
off,
and, well, we
wouldn't
want to intrude.
[GUESTS CLAPPING]
So, then, it's true.
What's true, angel?
That you only spend time with me
because Daddy pays you to.
[GASPS]
What kind of a vicious,
cold-hearted imbecile
would say something like that?
Well...I meant it
in the nicest possible way.
C.C.!
Uh, Sheffield!
Oh, God! Uncle Myron.
The nightmare
continues.
I want you to meet
my grandson Robbie.
Myron, not now.
Hit it!
♪♪ Gray skies
Are gonna clear up ♪♪
♪♪ Put on a happy face ♪♪
[CONTINUES TO SING]
C.C., what on
earth
possessed you?
Well, they were all
ganging up on me.
So you take it out
on a 6-year-old.
She started it!
Oh, that's very mature.
Well, that's the pot
calling the kettle black.
Now, come on, the two of you.
Now, the important
thing is... Will
you...?
ALL: Shut up!
That was only
slightly more
painful
than the toothache.
Meanwhile, what about
poor little...
Where's Grace?
She was right here.
See? And you both
jumped down my throat.
Grace?
Gracie!
Looking for something?
Yeah.
If she's 3'2"
and not a Jew...
she's in the powder room
crying her little eyes out.
Oh, I better go talk to her.
No, Miss Fine,
she's my daughter.
I'll talk to her.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
Maybe you better talk to her.
Creep!
Gracie?
[TEARFULLY]
I'm never coming
out.
Oh, honey...
Aren't you getting
a little claustrophobic
in that teeny-weeny stall?
Come here, baby.
Oy!
One day with my mother,
and you're ready
for Jenny Craig.
Honey, I want you to listen
to me very carefully, okay?
Okay.
All right. It's true.
I do get paid
to take care of
you,
but I don't get paid
extra
for loving you,
and I do!
I love you too.
Ah, let's face it,
Grace.
I'm no Ivana Trump.
Of course,
neither
is she, anymore.
I got one lousy
Christmas Club account
with maybe 49 cents in it,
so I gotta work for a living.
Lucky for me, I got the best job
in the whole wide world.
I love you.
So you don't just do it
for the money?
Believe me, by the
time
they take out State
and Federal and FICA,
it's a labor of love.
Let's see.
What do we look like here?
Oh! Uck! I'm a mess!
What's Jeffrey Mishkin
gonna think? I'm all puffy!
Honey, he's gonna
think
you're gorgeous.
Now you first
look
like his mother.
Oh, Grace!
Are you all right?
Through pain comes growth.
What?
She's fine.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
Go. Dance
with your
daughter.
All I wanted to do
was have the children
like me.
I try so hard to be loving
and sensitive and fun.
I can also juggle!
Beat it, you untalented
little troll!
You are a
regular
Mr. Rogers.
Look...
I can understand
that you're incredibly
threatened by me.
Yes, even in this dress.
However, it doesn't mean
that we can't all
live under one roof.
Oh, that's right,
you don't live with us.
Your point?
Look, you're a lovely woman,
and I wish you well,
but if you ever hurt
one of my kids again,
they'll be wiping your blue
blood off the walls...
and I mean that
in the nicest possible way.
Pardon me.
Ma...what are you doing?
Why shouldn't I have
a little centerpiece?
But they haven't even
cut the cake yet.
You're already taking
the flowers?
Well, for my $50,
I should get
something.
Look, Ma, she's standing
on his shoes.
Is that the cutest thing
you ever saw?
Adorable.
Go cut in.
[♪♪♪♪]
♪♪ Wipe off the gloomy mask
of tragedy ♪♪
♪♪ It's not your style ♪♪
♪♪ So put on a happy face ♪♪
One more time.
[CONTINUES TO SING]