The Mysteries of Laura (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Mystery of the Exsanguinated Ex - full transcript

Detectives, meet Emma Baker, 37, deceased.

Let me guess. Cause of death,
stab wound to the throat.

Exsanguination, to be precise.

Victim bled out after the carotid
artery was severed cleanly.

Lividity and rigor puts the time of
death between midnight and 2:00 a.m.

Arterial spray.

Victim was standing about here?

Yeah, and your attacker, right here.

Based on the angle of that wound,

I'd say you're looking for
a perp who's at least 5'10".

And wearing the victim's DNA.



Yeah, it's not washing out of that
couture Carine Gilson negligee.

Chantilly lace. It cost over 5k.

Why do you know that? I take that back.

I don't wanna know, please.

Patrol get anything on the canvass?

No. Neighbors are out of town,
and no security cameras.

- So nada.
- Fingerprints?

- Place was wiped clean.
- No forced entry.

So the killer probably knew her.

Who found the body?

- Ex-husband.
- Bingo!

He's a doctor,

but he didn't check for a pulse or
call 911 when he found the body.

- So who did he call?
- Coroner's office.



Someone's anxious to have
our victim pronounced dead.

Sorry, sir, but you have to stay.

I found her, Officer
Genius. I didn't kill her.

So use your big boy words
and tell me why I can't leave.

If you'd step off that train
of condescension I'll explain.

Detective Laura Diamond, 2nd Precinct.

Detective, huh?

Pretty girl makes good.

Do you know this jackass?

I almost married this jackass.

So, Laura and that guy. Really?

Yup. Andrew Devlin, MD.

Fancy. Did she say anything else?

Nothing. Whole way back, total silence.

First time that's ever happened.

Hey, coffee run.

Tea for me, actually, but
no one says "tea run."

Who needs a cup?

Good with the cup in my hand, thanks.

Roger that.

And the precinct sunshine quotient
just entered the realm of unbearable.

Miss you already, Bose.

You do?

Well, yeah. I mean, I figure

we're not gonna get teamed up as much

now that we got the Wisconsin import.

Mmm.

Too bad. We're good together.

We are.

And I'll miss you, too.

I mean, working together. I will.

- So, Laura's ex...
- Go figure.

- Does the captain know?
- Know what?

Nothing.

I always knew we'd cross
paths again someday.

Maybe not like this, but...

Tell me about your
relationship with your ex-wife.

God, you look good.

- Answer the question.
- Now you tell me I look good.

I see the ego's still intact.

When did you first meet the victim?

Ten years ago.

I'd just won the Cuttriss Award for
excellence in cardiothoracic surgery.

Emma had just won Miss Nevada.
Seemed like a match.

The money hers or yours?

Please. I invented a self-eluting stent

that's the gold standard in
complex coronary procedures.

Kinda made me rich.

Remember how we used to
eat rice and beans all week

just to afford Sunday brunch?

In that apartment? Oh, God.

Hard to believe we lived
together in that shoebox.

Hard to believe we lived together period.

- Have I really changed that much?
- Apparently.

You were always handsome,
charming, confident,

but the man I knew

wouldn't flirt with me
over his dead wife's body.

Ex-wife. But you're right, Detective.

I am flirting with you.

And I'm interrogating you.

Come on, Laura.

Are you telling me you're
not the least bit curious

about where I've been the last 15 years?

More curious about the last 15 hours.

Where were you between
midnight and 2:00 a.m.?

At my office, working late.

- Sleeping on the couch.
- Anyone see you?

- Maybe the cleaning lady.
- Where's your practice?

My office is in Battery Park,

but I just run the company now.

How noble.

Why waste my time and my talent

on chain-smoking, overeating slobs

whose hearts are ticking time bombs?

Are you sure you don't
want a lawyer in here?

They could reduce the obnoxious
things coming out of your mouth.

I've got nothing to hide.

Then tell me about your divorce.

Emma took me to the cleaners, as they say,

left me with a hefty alimony payment.

- Why were you at her house?
- She called.

Asked me to come over. I don't know why.

When she didn't answer, I let myself in.

Ex-husbands really need to learn to
give back their keys when they leave.

Why, did your ex-husband keep his?

Who told you about my divorce?

You did. Just now.

I married another cop.

- Kids?
- Twin boys.

Got to admit, I'm a little jealous.

Who's Emma's next of kin?

Her sister Connie, who lives in Vegas.

I called her already. She'll
be on the next flight out.

Can you think of anyone who
might want to hurt Emma?

Emma was involved with this ex-con
rehab charity, Heart of the Hood.

Spent a lot of time and money
on those thugs. I'd start there.

Oh, thanks for the advice.

How's it going in here?

Uh, do you mind, Jake?

Dr. Andrew Devlin, Laura's
suspect. And ex-fiance.

Captain Jake Broderick,
Laura's boss and ex-husband.

I'm glad we got that straightened out.

Don't leave town.

Oh, my goodness. When? Oh!

Oh, Mother, I should go.

Of course, yes. Okay, yes. Uh-huh.

Smooch.

Hey, is everything okay?

Hardly. My great-aunt
Mamie just dropped dead.

Oh, God. Max, I am so sorry.

Don't be. The woman was pure evil.
Even in death she's ruining my life.

- How so?
- Okay, so my family is super traditional.

We're supposed to get married, pop
out kids, carry on the Carnegie name.

Flash forward to me, the
only one who's still single.

Even my fat cousin Esme found someone.

You must be under so much pressure.

Which is why over the holidays

it's possible that after nine spiked eggnogs

I accidentally told everyone I'm engaged.

- Uh-oh.
- To say the least.

The funeral's Friday, I can't show up alone.

Then don't.

Uh, take me. I'll be
your fiance for the day.

You do know I'm gay, right?

I mean, you never said, but the
sweater vest and the bedazzling thing...

Not to stereotype, but... Duh.

So why would you think you
would pass as my fiance?

I just thought that if your
family's super traditional,

they don't know you're gay.

Please, that closet door blew wide open

back when I demanded to be Mariah
for Halloween three years running.

No, no, no. My mom's dying to
throw me a big fat gay wedding.

That's so sweet. I love weddings.

You know, a fake fiance isn't
the worst idea in the world.

So, that's the guy from the photo
albums you used to hide in the closet?

I was hiding the bad '90s
wardrobe, not the relationship.

That was five years before we met.

You knew that I was engaged to Andrew.

- Why?
- What do you mean, why?

Obviously he's a pretentious ass,

not to mention a murder suspect.

Well, he's not acting like one.

A suspect, that is.

He signed a consent for us to
search his home and his office.

Even gave his keys.

So knock yourself out. Go search.

We will. It just means that he
knows we won't find anything.

- He's tall enough. He's a surgeon...

So he's skilled with a
knife. He's got motive.

And he's got an alibi.

Billy just interviewed a
cleaning woman at Devlin's office

who saw him last night, asleep on the couch.

So now I will check on some real suspects.

No, you're too close to this.

You used to sleep with the victim's ex.

I used to sleep with a
blankie named Lala. So what?

So, I will have Meredith
and Frankie follow-up.

I'll also have them check on Emma's
ex-con charity, Heart of the Hood.

Typical! Round up the usual
suspects, and then rail road them.

Father, we don't want to rail
road anyone, just to talk.

Truly, as the Lord above is our witness.

You wanna talk? Come back with a warrant.

I'm really excited to be working with you.

I think we're gonna make a great team.

- Dial it down, Pulaski.
- Okay.

Yo, you remember me?

Big Nasty.

I put you away for manslaughter.

Oh!

Call me Big Happy now.

I was on a bad path before I went to prison.
But now things are going really well.

I kinda have you to thank for it.

That is so sweet.

Um, Mr. Happy, you know,
you could repay the favor

by telling us anything
you know about Emma Baker.

Nice lady.

Did anyone around here feel differently?

Last week I heard Tank threatening her.

What did he say exactly?

"Give me the money or you'll be sorry."

Can you tell us where we might
be able to find this Tank?

- Pastry shop.
- Thanks.

Okay. Reynaldo said we're looking
for a perp 5'10" or taller.

Looks like Tank here qualifies.

May I?

Go crazy.

NYPD. We'd like to just ask
you a few questions if we may.

Hey!

Stop!

- You okay?
- Couldn't be better.

You're under arrest on suspicion of murder.

I didn't do anything.

Then why'd you run, Tank?

Habit, I guess.

A witness heard you threaten Emma.

"Give me the money, or you'll be sorry."

I didn't mean it. I was just
pissed 'cause she broke a promise.

That's always disappointing.

What exactly did Emma promise?

To pay for new ovens.

Then all of a sudden she says she's broke.

Or she was just sick and tired of
wasting her money on no-hopers like you.

That's what I thought.

But she said someone messed with her money.

Did she say who?

I said if she told me who was
harassing her, I'd kill them.

I mean, not kill-kill. A figure of speech.

Where were you last night?

- Bakin'.
- A figure of speech again?

No, baking for real.

This crazy Bridezilla made
us put an all-nighter.

Remake her lemon parfait wedding cake.

Call her if you want.

I couldn't agree more.

Vanilla custard would have been a travesty.

Thank you so much for coming down.

Bridezilla's an understatement.
But Tank's story checked out.

What about his other story?

Emma stiffing them on the donation?

Rich people change pet charities
like my kids change underwear.

Not exactly every day, but pretty close.

Speaking of pet charities, last
canceled checks from Emma's account.

Three in a row made out
to cash at $10,000 apiece,

but then one for $250,000 made
out to Aura Therapy Institute.

Aura therapy?

I'm not fluent in New Age-speak, but

I think that translates to total crock.

This boho girl I'm dating
won't get down with me

whenever Mercury's in retrograde.

I used to tell Jake that my nose was
stuffed when I wasn't in the mood.

- And Andrew.
- Mmm.

Can't see you ever getting in
the mood with a guy like Andrew.

Back then he was different.

How'd you two meet, anyway?

I fractured my ankle playing beer dodgeball,

and stumbled into the ER,
and the on-call resident...

So funny, irresistible smile, set
my cast and asked me on a date.

Completely wrong for each other.

The way Devlin was clocking
you, he doesn't think so.

Please tell me you're
not a little bit curious.

Nope. Now if you will excuse me,
I need to continue interviewing him.

Uh, Cap told you he wanted
Meredith and Frankie to handle it.

They can look into the Aura Therapy
lead, but this is still my case.

I gotta find out where the rest
of Emma's money was going.

Okay, fine, listen. I'll be your date.

That's very kind, but excellent
gaydar runs in my family.

They'd sniff you out the second
you lumbered into the room.

Why is this so hard? I thought
there'd be plenty of gay dudes online.

There's nothing but gay dudes online.

But this is my fake fiance
we're talking about.

I can't lower my standards.

- Damn this marriage equality.
- All right, relax.

I got a crazy idea.

What if you go to the funeral alone

and admit to your family that this
whole fiance thing was just one big lie?

Oh, that's cute, real cute.

Cut to my snarky Aunt Ellen,

smiling at me from across the coffin

with that horse face.

Then stop being so picky.

All right? Look, boom, boom, boom.

One of those guys is
Prince Charming. Choose.

It's like Bollywood threw
up on the Armani store.

Oh, we had a gong just like this back at
the Bombay Palace buffet back in Eau Clair.

- And I always wanted to just...
- Whoa...

Namaste.

And a good namaste to you too.

Swami Sanjay at your service, ladies.

We're here about Emma Baker.

Love Emma. Dear client and friend.

- Oh, dear.
- What?

Your aura's critically low.

Oh. Well, is that bad?
'Cause that sounds bad.

- Hold this.
- Okay.

Exactly as I thought. Streaks of
orange invading the yellow, very bad.

- Oh.
- You need an immediate aura massage.

- Okay.
- Oh, you know what?

I have never had one before.

- Will it hurt?
- No, you won't feel a thing.

There's a reason for that.

Yeah, wow. No, I feel it working.

Um, did you do this a lot for Emma?

I cannot discuss her treatment,

but I can tell you that
I am at her service 24/7,

which I can provide to you for
a very reasonable monthly fee.

Did you make a
lot of house calls to her?

Oh, yes. I even had my own key.

I'm quite the worthwhile investment.

I studied with a very wise
yogi in Uttar Pradesh.

Hmm. Well, as my grandmother used to say...

So true. Grandmother must
have been a very wise woman.

So sorry, don't know Hindi.

Oh, he doesn't either.
I just called him a liar,

which he is, and a fraud,
ditto. And a possible killer.

You're under arrest, Swami.

Mr. Devlin will be right with you.
He's just finishing his workout.

Thank you.

Ugh.

Paco Rabanne, still.

Not the reaction I used to get.

Sorry, I was just looking for the closet...

I mean, the, um, trash can.

Behind the desk, where trash cans are kept.

Put some clothes on.

Nothing you haven't seen before.

Hey, I'm glad you came by.

I just have a few questions
about Emma's financials.

Well, that's easy. I was paying her
100 grand a month till she remarried,

which she wouldn't, not when she was
making seven figures a year to stay single.

So who gets the rest of her estate?

It all goes to charity.

Not just the ex-con one, either,
I mean a bunch of them,

whatever was flavor of the week.

Any idea why Emma would have a hard
time coming up with money for donations,

or what she was doing with her regular
cash withdrawals of 10 grand a pop?

No clue.

We were divorced, remember?

If Jake went on a spending spree,
I know exactly what he would buy.

Not all marriages are alike. Emma
and I never really connected.

Oh, please, you proposed to her.

I proposed to you.

Brooklyn Bridge, bended knee,
moonlight, ring a bell?

Yeah, I remember. Storybook.

Till you dropped the
ring on the taxi roadway.

I never even gave Emma a ring.

I just bought her this
tacky necklace she wanted.

She thought it meant more, told
everybody we were engaged,

and before I knew it, we were.

You fell into marriage by accident?

The Andrew Devlin I knew
was always decisive.

You want decisive? Fine.

You and me, dinner tonight.
You will have the rib eye.

No.

I'm in the middle of this case.

Or are you just afraid that
you're gonna enjoy yourself?

I'm not afraid of anything.

Just not interested.

Quite the sheet you've got, Sanjay.
Or should I call you Brian?

Your fingerprints gave you up.

Brian Gill of the yoga capital
of the world, the Bronx.

Open warrant for stealing the
identity of a Bangladeshi cab driver.

Not cool, Brian.

You know, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I mean, not that your heritage
is anything to be ashamed of.

Look, I may not be from Pradesh,
but, my expertise is legit.

I know my chakras.

But nobody wants their aura
read by Brian from the Bronx.

I wonder why.

Hey, I provide a real service.

Don't you feel better?

No, I mean, now that you mention it, I kind
of, like... I had this headache, earlier.

You know who doesn't feel better?

Dead Emma Baker.

Did you kill her?

That's crazy. I would never hurt
Emma. She was super generous.

And she'd be super pissed if,
after giving you a huge donation,

she found out that you were full of it.

Yeah, maybe you killed her to
keep your cover from being blown.

- I didn't.
- Where were you between midnight and 2:00 a.m.?

On a different astral plane.

- For real, I was meditating.
- Ooh.

- Can anyone vouch for that?
- Yeah, my spirit animal.

No alibi, and lots of checks paid to you.

Okay, yeah, I took a lot of
money from Emma, but I earned it.

Took me weeks to cleanse her aura.

It was toxic from all her fear.

- What was she afraid of?
- Someone was threatening her.

- She say who?
- I figured her ex.

Emma kept saying that getting
married during a thunderstorm

was an omen she would live to regret.

Show the swami to a cell, please.

Yes, ma'am.

So you think he did it?

He had a key, no alibi,
and he's tall enough.

Yeah, but Emma was making him rich.

Well, he's got open warrants, so he's in
the pokey until we find a better suspect.

Oh, ouch, little man.

Purple estheric templates
crowding your celestial body.

Great fifth chakra is
gonna offer you relief.

Fantastic. Love the mumbo jumbo.

I ran your rap sheet, Brian.
Methinks you're full of it.

Hey bro, auras don't lie.

You just remember. Purple and green.

Looks like a handsome stranger
is gonna solve your problems.

- Um, handsome stranger?
- Excuse me.

I'm looking for Laura Diamond.

For a moment I thought bizarre swami
premonitions really do come true.

- Straight?
- Yeah, I am.

Straight ahead.

Right. Thanks.

Hey, pretty.

You just can't get enough of me.

I wanted to apologize for
being such a jerk earlier.

You can make it up to me. Over dinner.

Great.

Let me get my coat.

Doctor.

- Back for more questioning?
- No, strictly social.

Looks like I'm taking our
girl out for a nibble.

Speaking of foreplay, one ex to another,

does stroking the back of her
neck still make her crazy?

You know, you are everything
that she said you were.

What the hell is going on?

Just grabbing dinner with an old friend.

Yeah? Well, that old friend
happens to be a material witness

in a murder investigation.

Exactly. We're at a dead
end. We need a new lead.

- No, absolutely not.
- Why?

- What, are you jealous?
- No, I'm protecting you.

Like I would any of my detectives.

Well, good thing I'm off the clock
and it isn't any of your business.

It is if you let your
emotions cloud your judgment.

The only thing clouding
my judgment is hunger.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Ready.

Okay, where are we going? Jean-Georges,
Per Se, Gramercy Tavern?

Actually, there's a great little
place just right around the corner.

Great. I'll have my
assistant make reservations.

You know what? I think we're okay.

This is not okay. It's not even edible.

And the cholesterol. My God,
it's like suicide on a plate.

You used to love bar food.

Yeah, that's before my palate
and my arteries knew better.

How did we wind up here?

It's around the corner from the precinct.

I mean here.

You and me, total strangers.

It's not how I thought it would be for us.

Well, you dumped me.

Wait, what? You dumped me.

Liar!

You would say that. You never trusted me.

Remember what you said the very
first time I told you I loved you?

- That you were full of crap.
- Mmm-hmm.

I had to convince you.

Grabbed you, kissed you,
and then you said...

That maybe you weren't full of crap.

That was a hell of a kiss.

Would have been a hell of a life,

if you hadn't walked out on our engagement.

My father was indicted for embezzlement.

He was disbarred. My whole
foundation just fell apart.

We could have gotten through that together.
But no, you had to run off to California.

I needed air.

- For six months?
- I needed time.

I needed my fiance.

No, you needed a warm body,
like that aerobic instructor.

She was a flight attendant

who taught aerobics on the side.

We were young and stupid.

Hey, hey, I found this. Let me show you.

Oh. Oh, wow.

Burn it.

Am I making you nervous?

- In your dreams.
- Slow down. Slow down.

Here, let me show you. Just...

You need a longer, smoother stroke.

God, I've missed this.

Nobody ever knew me like you did.

I have a boyfriend. His
name is Tony. He's amazing.

He's more than amazing.

And yet you're here with me.

That's odd.

Yes!

Time to pay up.

Okay.

Emma had money problems and
someone was threatening her.

You wanna talk about the case?

Could someone have been blackmailing Emma?

Blackmailing? The woman was a saint.

I mean her worst vice was...

- Pilates.
- What? What is it?

Emma's Pilates instructor
trained her at the house.

He had a key.

You had a key, the swami
had a key, now this guy?

Why even have a lock?

Richard Preston, Emma's Pilates teacher.

DMV says he's 6' tall.

Credit report shows three bankruptcies.

And much like half of the Upper East Side,

he had a key to her house.

Richard? Please, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Laura, this is Connie Baker, Emma's
sister. She just flew in from Las Vegas.

How do you know that Richard wasn't
involved in your sister's murder?

Because he's our cousin.

I mean, total loser, terrible
Pilates instructor, but super sweet.

Emma was just helping him out.

Looking into him is a waste of time.

That's for us to decide.

Is there anyone you think
we should be looking into?

Yeah, Andrew Devlin.

Emma told me that if anything
ever happened to her,

I needed to tell the
police that he killed her.

I never liked Andrew Devlin,
and the feeling was mutual.

Arrogant bastard thought I was
just another Las Vegas loser.

He was married to your sister.

That had to make Thanksgiving
dinner kind of awkward.

And then some.

So I kept my mouth shut until my sister
got the dollar signs out of her eyes

and realized what an ass he was.

Can't say I disagree.

What gave her the wakeup call?

He always had a temper, but on a leash.

Then he started losing it.

One time he smashed a wine bottle

because Emma served a chardonnay
instead of a sauvignon blanc.

That's when she filed for divorce.

I'm guessing Andrew took that hard.

Major understatement.

He went berserk.

Emma was terrified.

When was the last time you saw her?

New Year's.

Yeah, she flew out to Vegas...

She couldn't relax.

She thought Devlin was spying on her.

I called her paranoid.

It's okay, Connie. Take your time.

Emma told me she wasn't nuts.

Andrew was furious that he had
to pay Emma 25% of his earnings

for the rest of her life.

- But if she died...
- Bye-bye alimony.

That's why she made me promise to tell
the cops if anything ever happened to her.

The problem is, apparently
Dr. Devlin has an alibi.

I bet someone's covering for him.

Devlin's a manipulative control freak.

I was watching Iron Man 3 on
the flight today, and it hit me.

Andrew's like Tony Stark's evil twin.

All that money and power,

and he uses it to crush people.

I guess Devlin's not Mr. Nice Guy.

Jake, the violent, abusive control freak

that Connie described to
you is not the man I know.

He's arrogant, yes. But a
murderer? I don't buy it.

He's probably a sociopath.

He's messing with your
emotions to get what he wants.

Well, maybe to get into my pants,
but not to get away with murder.

I'm not happy about that, either.

I want you off this case.

This is just eating you up.

Do not turn this around on me.

You are so threatened by
my ex from 15 years ago

that you are accusing him of murder.

Because he did it.

Emma Baker just called him
out from beyond the grave.

Ghosts can't testify in court.

Alibi witnesses can.

The cleaning lady could be lying.

That I can find out.

No, we got this.

- Go home.
- I'm on my way.

Where else would I go?

I already spoke to Detective Soto,

and my employers would not like
the police being in their home.

I just need to verify that
Dr. Devlin was in his office

at the time of the murder,
and I'll be out of here.

I arrived at 11:00, he
was asleep on the couch.

I cleaned outside, came
back at 1:00, still snoring.

- Take that, Jake.
- Jake?

Oh, um, my ex, my boss.

Just a guy who thinks that
Dr. Devlin is full of it.

Please, he's the kindest man I know.

That might be pushing it.

He's even going to do my father's
coronary bypass for free.

He's a good man, Detective.

Thank you, Olga. That's, um...

That's refreshing to hear.

Your father's in great hands.

- My father, he is so scared.
- Oh.

I promised him my special
chocolate fudge when he recovers.

He has a sweet tooth, so it calms him down.

Olga, do you have a picture of your dad?

Of course.

That's my papa.

- Can't be that bad.
- Worse than bad.

The new definition of abysmal.

Did I just see you blow
through three speed dates?

Not a single passable boyfriend among them.

I'm gonna die alone.

Spare me the self-pity party.

I see you in here all the time.
You're funny, you're cute.

You just gotta find the right guy.

Well, how motivational poster-ey of you.

You know, I don't need advice
from the hetero peanut gallery.

All right? Just another appletini
in which to drown my sorrows.

Grammatically correct in the
depths of despair, I'm impressed.

Even though you have me all wrong.

But I have excellent gaydar.

Your gaydar's on the fritz, pal.

You just remember. Purple and green.

Looks like a handsome stranger
is gonna solve your problems.

Hey pretty, glad you called.

I haven't stopped thinking
about you since dinner.

Of course, I haven't
digested it yet, either.

- Not here. Come with me.
- Okay.

I like where this is heading.

Or maybe not.

I'll be honest. Leaves a little
something to be desired.

I'm confused. I thought
you wanted to see me.

Your alibi witness is lying.

So you need to tell me right
now. Did you kill your ex-wife?

This is insane. I didn't kill Emma, and
there's nothing wrong with my alibi.

Oh, right, Olga the cleaning lady,

who oh, so conveniently saw
you sleeping on the office sofa.

It's not convenient, it's true.

I believed you, until I met Olga.

Boy, she loves you,

since you offered to perform
surgery on her father for free.

Which surprised the hell out of me,
considering you don't waste your talent

on chain-smoking, overeating slobs
whose hearts are ticking time bombs.

- I can explain.
- I'm all ears.

The moment I found Emma's body,
I knew I was gonna be a suspect.

Ex-husband, bitter divorce, financial
motive, yadda, yadda, yadda...

So I told Olga that I'd do her dad's surgery

if she said she saw me in the office.

- You bribed her to lie.
- She lied. I didn't.

I was in the office and I wasn't alone.

Okay, wait. You have an alibi witness and
you bribed someone else to lie for you?

That doesn't make any sense.

I was getting a massage

that ended happily.

Oh!

A rub and tug. Classy.

Please don't make me feel
worse than I already do.

But you see why I had to lie. I
couldn't face telling you the truth.

Oh, so now we're blaming me?

Put yourself in my shoes. I finally
see you again after all these years,

and I have to admit that I paid for company?

It's embarrassing.

I can think of better words than that.

Exploitative, gross, illegal...

Yes, yes and yes. I never
should have done it.

But since the divorce I just haven't
met anyone that interested me.

And then this guy in my squash
club, he gives me a number,

swears it's exactly what I need.

How many times did you need it?

Twice, but the second
time I couldn't even...

Look, I told you, my marriage
was dead for a long time.

And the truth was it never
was any good with Emma.

Not like it was with you.

I'll need that number.

What do you think you're doing?

Uh, checking out Devlin's real alibi.

How many times have I told you?
Leave this case alone. You wanna...

Reminisce with an old
flame, I can't stop you.

But leave the field work to the rest of us.

You're simply incapable of separating
being my ex from being my boss.

This is me being your boss.

Meredith and Frankie
can handle it. Back off.

Sorry, but I don't do women, or couples.

Oh, no, we're not together.

I mean, obviously we're together,
standing here, the two of us...

Like, together, but we're not here...

What she means is, we're cops.

Don't freak, we just need some information.

Look, I got a client coming in.

Great. Answer our questions and I won't
have Vice shutter you before he gets here.

Tell us about this guy.

Dr. D. Good tipper.

When did you last see him?

Out call, his office, midnight.

I was there a couple of hours. Tried
my best, but his heart wasn't in it.

Sounds like it wasn't his heart.

Do you have a receipt for
your session with the doc?

He paid cash. A grand a pop.

A thousand bucks for your hand?

The dragon hand.

Not gonna go there.

So, just making sure we have this right.

It was midnight when you
got to Dr. Devlin's house?

Office. Never been to his house.

First time I went to his boat.

Hmm.

Thank you, Kelly. You and your
hand have been very helpful.

- Reynaldo?
- Sciatica.

I'm here for my usual.

- How big?
-97-foot. It's a Santa Margarita.

What? You know I've always loved sailing.

- Why didn't you mention it?
- I didn't think it was relevant.

Oh, come on. You gave consent for us
to search your house, your office.

Is there a reason you
didn't mention your yacht?

Like maybe there's evidence on
there you don't want us to find?

Don't be ridiculous. If I killed Emma,

I wouldn't leave evidence lying
around anywhere, including my boat.

Is this what being a cop has done to
you? Made you suspicious of everyone?

No, just people who lie to me.

For the last time, Laura,

I wasn't lying, I was
just reluctant to discuss

the intimate details of my...

- Hooker habit?
- Dammit, Laura!

You know I didn't do this.

- I don't.
- But you know me.

- Fifteen years ago. People change.
- No, no, no.

People get rich, they get
married, they get divorced,

but who they are doesn't change.

You are still the same woman
that I fell in love with.

And I'm still arrogant and condescending,
judgmental, but I'm not violent.

And I'm certainly not a murderer.

This guy's messing with her
head. I'm pulling her out.

Don't. Devlin's gonna lawyer up

as soon as he can get his
iPhone out of his Prada pants.

The only reason the guy's still talking
is because he wants to be with her.

Just trust Laura.

If anyone can break Devlin, she can.

We just need to give her some ammunition.

I don't believe for a second this
guy forgot to mention he had a boat.

Get Meredith and Frankie over
there and search every inch.

Copy that.

You ain't the first ladies to pay a call.

There's girls coming to
see the doc all the time.

- Like this one?
- Yup. Not my type.

But the other night, there was
this tall, blond drink of water.

She had a serious pair of U-boats
in harbor, if you catch my drift.

Thank you.

Whoa! Vodka, champagne,

gourmet canned goods up the wazoo.

Either Dr. D is a doomsday prepper,

or he's ready for more
than a three hour tour.

The course is set for Cuba, which,
last I checked, is still non-extradition.

Devlin's looking more guilty by the minute.

I feel so bad for Laura.

True that. It's a real head-wrecker,
running into your ex

and seeing that he's still hot,
filthy rich, and a murder suspect.

If Devlin's the killer, Laura's
involvement could be a problem at trial.

Laura's a pro. She locked up her old
captain without a second thought.

She'll collar Devlin if it comes to that.

Looks like it just did.

Your knife is a match for the murder weapon.

Emma Baker's blood and DNA.
No fingerprints, though.

Makes sense. The doctor had
easy access to latex gloves.

It means motive and opportunity.

We got him. It's time to arrest Devlin.

- I can't believe it.
- Don't blame yourself.

He played you, Laura. He's a bad guy.

Emma told Swami Sanjay getting married
in a thunderstorm was a bad omen.

Guess she was right.

What? What's wrong?

The DNA on the knife is Emma's.

Somebody's framing me.

I don't know. I don't know. One of
the ex-cons, or the Pilates guy.

What about the phony swami?

You sure did point out a lot
of suspects to distract me.

From the real killer.

You.

- My God, you really think I did it?
- Yup.

Laura...

Listen to me. I was a lousy
husband, and it was an ugly divorce,

but there's no reason
for me to have hurt Emma.

Except a lifetime of alimony.

You wanted off the financial hamster wheel.

There is no one else, Andrew.

There has to be, because I didn't
do this! I didn't kill Emma!

What... I can't... What do I
have to do to convince you?

No! You can't convince me.

- This isn't about me.
- Yes, it is.

I wouldn't be in this mess if I
had married the right woman.

That's not my problem.

The thunderstorm on your wedding
day should have tipped you off.

What are you talking about?
I got married in South Beach.

It was 80 degrees and sunny.

What?

- Emma got married again.
- No.

If she had, I'd have stopped
paying alimony right away.

Which is why she kept it secret from you.

But someone knew.

Her killer.

This is incredible. We'll be able
to buy those new ovens after all.

Just what Emma would have wanted.

What the hell is going on here?

Hey, it's Emma's sister Connie!

Tax sale, for charity. Oh,
that's a really special one.

Um, $20.

That is a signed Warhol silkscreen.

Okay, $40.

Uh, Big Happy, can you help
her carry that out, please?

Thank you.

You can't do this.

I'm her sister. Everything here is mine.

Actually, Emma's will left
everything to Heart of the Hood.

No, everything is supposed to go to me.

Um... Excuse me, everyone. We need some
more room to bring in new inventory.

So, if you would just give us a few minutes,

we'll have more bargains for everyone.

I am so sorry you're upset,

but at least you have your
memories of Emma to comfort you.

Like that weekend that you
spent together over New Year's.

- Did you do anything special?
- Nothing comes to mind.

Really?

Because on New Year's Eve,
Emma married Clay Carruthers,

a hotel bartender that
she had met that night.

And you were the witness.

You signed the marriage certificate.

There was a rare thunderstorm in Vegas
that very same night. Ring a bell?

That was just a drunken mistake.

She had it annulled the next day.

I'm aware.

But it still would have voided her divorce
settlement if Devlin had found out.

So you blackmailed her. She gave you 10
grand a week, until she ran out of money.

And then your ride on the
gravy train came to an end.

So you killed her, thinking that
you would inherit her estate.

I was in Vegas when her body was found.

But not the night before.

You mentioned your taste
in movies to my colleagues.

I was watching Iron Man 3 on the flight...

The airline said that Iron Man 3
only plays on westbound flights.

JFK to Vegas. So you
saw it on your way home,

after the murder.

We have you on video from
the airport security cameras.

Oh, and we also have a witness
who saw you enter the yacht

to plant the murder weapon.

The other night, there was this
tall, blond drink of water.

She had a serious pair of U-boats in harbor.

Gosh, it was a pretty good plan.

Fly back to Vegas before
the body is discovered.

Devlin calls. Boom! Instant alibi.

Then you come back and you tell
us about Devlin, the violent ex.

Oh, great shoes, by the way.

What do they make you, 5'11"?

Killer heels.

Literally.

Well, Cap...

So, you gonna apologize to Laura?

For what?

Devlin was our best suspect.

Laura didn't think so, but you weren't
trying to hear it from the jump.

Question is, why?

Okay. So maybe I wanted
the guy to be guilty.

I can't believe that she
almost married that jerk.

I guess bad boys are her kryptonite.

Yeah, so maybe I should stop
being such a Mr. Nice Guy.

Thanks for the advice, buddy.

That wasn't advice.

Cue the angel choir.

- I found a date.
- You mean a fake date?

Not so fake. Neither is Swami Sanjay.

He predicted I'd find the perfect man.

Oh, I know it's going to end in a horrible
heart-crushing scene, a la Miss Saigon,

but I'm taking a chance.

At least until Aunt Mamie's in the ground,

and fat Esme's back in Connecticut.

I'm happy for you.

Speaking of perfect man,
how is Laura's dreamy ex?

Please, tell me they're back together.

Hope you don't mind the house call.

No, not at all. Come in.

Nice place.

I got you off the hook for murder. The
least you could do is lose the sarcasm.

No, I mean it. Your home is full of life.

Kind of like the one I
thought we'd have together.

Me too.

Boys! Boys, no!

No, get upstairs right, right now.

Oh, my gosh. Sorry.

Here, let me get Kleenex. Sit
down. Put your head down back.

I know, I'm a doctor.

Things are not usually
this insane around here.

Who am I kidding? It's always this insane.

Insanity suits you, 'cause
you've never looked better.

Andrew, you're off the hook. You
don't need to smooth talk me anymore.

I'm not.

The last few days made me realize
what a mess I've made of my life.

I need to make some changes.

Like what?

Getting back to being a
doctor, for one thing.

Treating people that need my help.

Being accused of a crime you didn't
commit is a pretty good wake up call.

Seeing you again made me
remember the man I used to be,

before I became...

A complete jackass?

Sorry, I don't mean that.

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

That's why I love you, Laura.

You always knew how to
hit me where it counts.

Apparently my twins have
inherited that super power.

Yeah. They're good.
They're adorable.

So, what now?

Now you actually let me kiss you.