The Mysteries of Laura (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 15 - The Mystery of the Alluring Au Pair - full transcript
A beautiful au pair's untimely death puts Laura and the team on the hunt for a murderer and into the middle of a female escort ring. Meanwhile, the precinct spirals into a frenzy when a new detective named Frankie Pulaski (new series regular MEG STEEDLE - Boardwalk Empire) is sent from headquarters to investigate alleged indiscretions between Jake and Laura.
Whoo!
Whoa.
Oh, man.
Whoo!
Wasn't much of a chase,
the guy's wearing clown shoes.
Hal, take this bozo to holding.
Guess who's paying a little
visit to the 2nd precinct today.
Is his last name Hemsworth?
No.
I'm not interested.
Huh, you should be.
The CDIU is sending someone to
do an internal investigation.
Apparently, somebody complained
about an inappropriate relationship
in our squad.
What? You mean us?
The almost... Which didn't!
Oh!
Nothing happened.
Nothingish.
At any rate, how did the
Chief of Detectives find out?
No idea, but I do have my suspicions.
- 'Morning.
- Okay.
He'd never...
She might.
Listen up everyone.
A Frank Pulaski of the Chief of
Detective's unit will be stopping by.
Apparently, somebody is under the mistaken
impression that something happened
between two people of differing ranks.
Which it didn't. Nothing happened.
Now, we don't know the specifics...
Because there are none. Nothing happened.
So, just give them the facts.
And when Detective Pulaski arrives,
he will be interviewing
each and every one of you.
Uh, he's here.
Except he is a she.
Hi, I'm Detective Pulaski.
You're Frank Pulaski?
It's Francesca but
everyone calls me Frankie.
No matter how many times I ask them not to.
People...
Wassup, 2nd precinct?
Okay, nice to meet you.
Would you like to get comfortable?
Get a coffee or anything?
Oh, that is so sweet,
but I probably should just jump
right into my investigation.
I love the focus, but, FYI,
there's nothing to investigate.
Detective Diamond, I presume?
You know, you would be the best person
for me to just kick off my interviews with.
Sure, ready?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Nothing happened.
Actually, something did happen.
No, it didn't.
Oh, not that thing that didn't happen.
I was referring to the dead body
that they found in Central Park.
- I'll do it!
- Aren't you and Billy
finishing up the bodega heist?
Laura, go.
She gets a clown and a murder?
Feels like my birthday.
So we'll just jump in later then.
Much later.
Sounds good.
All right...
Reynaldo, are you wearing a tuxedo?
Don't have time to change
before my Arthur Murray class.
You're taking a dance class?
I am teaching one.
Of course you are.
Care to introduce us?
Young woman, early twenties. Single bullet
to the head. Shot at a downward angle.
No drugs, no alcohol detected.
But she's got this bite
mark near her left clavicle.
Couple of weeks old.
- Good eye, Diamond.
- Time of death?
Body was found at 10:00, still warm.
I'd put your TOD between 9:00, 9:30.
- Anything else?
- I got you
one
muddy purse.
Why does this bag look familiar?
Keys.
Brush.
Lip gloss.
No phone, ID, or credit card.
- Robbery.
- I don't think so.
Robbers usually don't kill
someone execution style.
I remember!
This is the best bag!
Agreed. It's roomy.
No, no, no, no, I saw it on an infomercial
the night I got my Egg Genie.
And it's got a secret compartment
to hide your valuables.
Oh...
Hello, Viviana Costa.
Here on a work visa.
I'm off to Brazil.
This is not what I was thinking
when you said we were going to Brazil.
Land inside a consulate
is legally foreign territory.
Doesn't matter what time your flight leaves,
you must fill out the correct form,
your visa will be processed in...
Authentic South American bureaucratic hell.
This guy's going to be super helpful.
NYPD.
A Brazilian national was shot
to death in Central Park.
We need anything you might have on her.
Local law enforcement requests must
be submitted through higher channels.
I can't promise you we're gonna...
Has anyone ever told you that you
look just like David Hasselhoff?
I know it sounds crazy,
but there was this TV show
on here when I was a kid,
called Knight Rider.
Of course, we had it in Brazil.
In fact, I have a model of the Kitt car.
Would you look at that? Oh, my gosh.
Oh, I was obsessed.
I had no idea that Knight Rider
was so popular in Brazil.
The first thing I did
when I arrived in the US
was to save up enough money to
buy a Trans Am just like it.
The car is most awesome.
No doubt.
So, you have the correct forms
and you can start filling them out.
Or you could just push print
on your little computer.
All we need is a local address.
Or since you have a talking
car, I could just ask Kitt.
You're going to get me into trouble, but...
Okay.
Cap'o, wanted to see me?
- Come on in.
- Yup.
What's up?
I was just wondering if you had any
perceptions about Laura and me
that you would like to discuss
before you talk to the CDIU.
I have plenty of perceptions,
but none that I'd discuss with CDIU.
Good!
Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting.
No, not at all.
Detective Soto and I were just discussing a
police matter.
That's all we do here is work, work, work.
Work, work, work.
So, getting started?
Just need your John Hancock right here.
Here.
And initials here.
Which gives me permission to discuss
interpersonal matters with all staff
under your supervision.
So any necessary personnel changes would
be submitted before the end of the week.
Personnel changes?
If a certain level of
impropriety exists here,
NYPD protocol mandates that we transfer
one or more of the offending parties
to another precinct.
Transfer, that's a little extreme, isn't it?
Yeah, the downtown brass
are serious sticklers.
When I moved into my cubicle, I brought
in the cutest puppy dog trash can.
You click the remote, little
guy opens his mouth,
just toss the trash right in there,
it'd let out the sweetest little woof.
Woof! Just like that.
Turns out, not a regulation
trash receptacle.
Okay.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry.
There will only be a transfer
if I find anything improper.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Yeah, me too.
Let me know if you need any help from me.
A 20-year-old with a work visa lives in
the penthouse of this apartment building?
I smell trust fund.
Go ahead, take it, there's no one home.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, I'm just calling to let your
mouth know I made a creme brulee.
That's exciting.
But unfortunately my mouth and
I have to work late tonight.
Ooh!
That sounded dirtier than I intended.
Yes, it did. Well, I could be
persuaded to drop by the precinct.
Make a special delivery.
Oh, you're sweet.
I think I'd rather just
keep us a bit on the DL.
Is that completely rude?
No, we're good.
- Rain check?
- Check.
- Excuse me.
- Gotta go.
Excuse me.
Uh, NYPD.
We're looking for someone
who lives in this apartment.
I live here, can I help you?
Do you know this woman?
Yes, that's, uh, Viviana.
What is this about?
She was found dead this morning.
She's my nanny.
Where is my son?
It has to be my ex-husband, I'm telling you.
When was the last time you saw him?
When I kicked him out of
the house six months ago.
I caught my son, Tucker,
tying a jump rope around his arm.
Trying to be like daddy.
Your ex is a heroin addict?
Forgive me.
You just don't seem like...
Like a woman who'd marry a junkie?
Agreed.
In college, Roger was charismatic,
he was the life of the party, he just
never grew up.
Before the divorce, I would never have even
considered him capable of murder, but...
He hates me so much.
Tucker's autistic.
He's utterly vulnerable,
you have got to find him.
We checked the address that you had for
Roger, he hasn't been there in weeks.
- Oh, my God.
- Is there somewhere else he'd go?
A friend, a co-worker?
Yes, uh...
Beno, total loser.
He has a photography studio.
Sometimes Roger crashes there.
So when Captain Broderick
came to the 2nd precinct...
Did I already say nothing happened?
I just want to make sure
you have that written down.
Yeah, totally, a couple of times.
So, now we can just chat about other stuff.
Uh, I'm curious what it's like
working with Captain Broderick.
Oh, it's super-supes.
When he took over, it
felt like a family here.
But not like with a mom and dad
who sleep in the same house.
More like a family with a boss
and a bunch of co-workers.
You know, it's funny, it says here...
You only started working six weeks ago?
Uh, the captain's been
here almost six months.
That is funny, may I see?
Oh, okay, carry the three,
divided by seven...
Yes, that is correct.
I began being employed by the City
of New York nigh on six weeks ago.
So, how did you know things changed
when Captain Broderick arrived?
'Cause I had been... I already...
'Cause when I was walking over here,
I was in the zeitgeist, like,
the unofficial mascot.
But without the costume and
accompanying low self-esteem.
But then the captain bought
me and made me official.
I'm sorry, he bought you?
No, "bought" sounds weird.
Actually, he traded me for
a fancy espresso machine.
So now we just have a
regular old coffee pot.
Can I go get you a cup?
Cup of Joe for the lady?
No thanks, I don't drink coffee.
And how is the captain's
conduct around his ex-wife?
And who's that?
He was married to Detective Diamond,
as you mentioned at the
beginning of this interview?
Did I... them?
It was you.
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Hello, officers.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
We're looking for Roger Wexler, is he here?
He is not. I believe he's residing
at a rehab facility in New Jersey.
Who else is here?
It's just me.
Stay right there.
Watch it, Billy.
Oh...
What the hell are you doing with
a goat in the middle of Manhattan?
I photograph him.
Used to make calendars, but now
Shackleton is starting a blog.
Shackleton is the goat?
Does this belong to Shackleton?
'Cause it says Tucker. Where's Roger?
I have no idea.
Think harder.
Or we're charging you with
accessory after the fact.
After what fact? What did Roger do?
We need to speak to him in connection
to a homicide investigation.
His son's nanny was found dead this morning.
And the boy is missing, too.
You mean her?
This is Roger's stuff, he printed
out those pics the other day.
What's this?
No idea.
He was looking up something
on his phone before he left.
Does 117 mean anything to you?
That better not be a flight number.
We've already put tracers at all the
airports, rail roads, port authority...
I love the transpo theme.
Aw.
My boys were obsessed with the train,
we used to ride the subways in circles.
Oh, Tucker's the same way.
Oh, he loves buses, taxis, cars...
He just sits there and watches them pass by.
Doesn't the M117 stop
right outside Beno's place?
Make a scene and I'll cuff
you in front of your kid.
Come on.
Losing custody of Tucker must
have been horrible for you.
It's the worst thing that's
ever happened to me.
You'd do anything to get
him back, wouldn't you?
Maybe even killing Viviana?
What? Of course not.
You've been planning so carefully.
Stalking...
I wasn't stalking! Those are the
only photos I have of my son.
I don't have visitation rights.
The only time I get to see Tucker is
when his nanny picks him up at school.
I watch him from across the street.
Must've made you crazy.
That she gets to spend time
with your son and you didn't.
So, you snapped.
You shot Viviana, you kidnapped your kid...
Look.
I saw Tucker just standing there.
Nobody came for him.
What was I supposed to do?
I picked my kid up from school,
but I swear I didn't kill Viviana.
Roger's alibi checked out.
This wasn't about custody.
Any thoughts?
No idea.
We didn't know much about her personal life.
Who's this?
Boyfriend, maybe?
It's her younger brother.
He's autistic.
That can't be a coincidence.
Not at all.
Every autistic kid is
different, obviously, but
growing up around it just
gave Viviana special insight.
Hiring Viv was the best
thing I ever did for him.
- See Viv, see Viv!
- Shh...
What about hobbies?
Any place she'd like to go?
Well, Tucker wouldn't know about that.
It's hard to know what he's thinking.
See Viv? Viv, Jim, go, Jim.
Who's Jim, Tucker?
Is he Viv's friend?
Could he mean "gym," as in the health club?
The gym was right.
New York Fitness.
Broadway and 10th, to be exact.
Viviana's locker had all of this.
Viviana, what were you up to?
Detective Soto, please, sit.
And I hope this can be real quick.
How can I help?
Do you feel you can be completely honest
when discussing Detective Diamond's
relationship with Captain Broderick?
Yes, I do.
Okay, great. That's all I needed.
Thank you so much.
But I haven't given you any information.
Look, everyone says
you're a great detective.
I can't outsmart you, so
I'm not even going to try.
What are you talking about?
Well, Glennyn Ruckards told me you
strum your fingers on the desk
when you try to sweet-talk her.
So I ask myself, why would you want
to sweet talk me when I ask if you can
answer honestly and we both
know there is only one reason.
I'm not going to put you in
the uncomfortable position
of revealing whatever it is you're hiding,
but the fact that you're hiding something
is itself the subject of this interview.
Thank you.
Oh, did you have anything
you'd like to add, or...
Nothing happened!
What else was in the gym bag?
A second phone,
with a very full calendar.
JF at the Waldorf Astoria, AP at
the Ritz, about three dates a week.
Pretty popular with the guys, huh?
At least one girl, Viviana
constantly texted a Sofie,
including this morning.
"Meet me in the park at 9:30 at sculpture
thingy. Have something to show you."
Viviana was killed around 9:30
in close proximity to at least
a dozen sculptures, and/or "thingies."
Only one app on the phone, a game,
Sugar Slice which even our
resident gamer can't make sense of.
Worst game ever.
Keeps crashing on the first level.
Super buggy.
So Viviana had something
she wanted to show Sofie.
Maybe that something got her killed.
This is a bad time for me, my
boss will be home any minute.
Listen, Sofie.
Worse time for Viviana.
She was killed this morning.
Oh, my God.
May I... may I help?
That'll buy us 40 seconds. Go.
All right, Viviana texted you this morning.
She wanted you to meet her at the park?
Yes, I took the kids and waited
for an hour, but she never showed.
How did you meet Viviana?
Through the agency.
The au pair agency or the escort agency?
I don't understand.
You know who would understand?
Immigration.
A prostitution charge voids your visa
and sends you right back to Belarus.
We're not prostitutes.
We get paid for going on dates but what
we do on those dates is for us to decide.
I'm guessing you usually have sex?
Do you not date?
A guy takes you for dinner,
and you have a nice time.
At end of night, sometimes you have sex, no?
- Not yet.
- It's the same thing.
There's nothing shameful,
what we do empowers women.
News flash!
It's still illegal.
So why don't you give us something useful?
How does this au pair/escort agency work?
I'll show you.
Sugar Slice is a fake game.
Enter the right code and voila.
A shopping list of hookers comes up.
The whole agency's run through an app.
That's kind of genius.
Brainchild of Charlotte Bernice,
London School of Economics.
Two years of management consulting
and now the owner of a very
successful au pair agency.
Which doubles as a very
successful prostitution ring.
Bingo!
The men pay 15,000 bucks for every 10 dates.
It gives a new meaning to buying in bulk.
Oh, but wait.
There's more.
At the end of every month, the
app provides an address to a party
and a code to get in. The Johns
come and check out the inventory.
And how does she pay the women?
Charlotte deposits $1,000 into
their account for every date.
So it's like the Uber of sex.
Why would Charlotte want to
knock off one of her employees?
Sofie said that Viviana and Charlotte
were fighting at the last mixer.
Great, let's pick up Charlotte.
She's smart. If we want anything to stick,
we have to catch her red-handed.
Do you have a plan?
It'll be fish in a barrel.
Two to three dozen beautiful women roaming
the room waiting to be asked on a date.
You will slip in.
Peruse the inventory, make your pick.
As soon as Charlotte
swoops in to seal the deal,
we swoop in.
Billy Soto looking fly.
Shame you don't get to see me
in action working my magic.
Oh, but we will. Watching through your eyes.
So, keep that magic focused on the case.
Okay, one print out of every
au pair on the sexy time app.
Great, they're all going
to be at the party tonight,
and any one of them could
give us a motive on Charlotte.
That's why we really need someone
in there getting close to the women
while Billy deals with Charlotte.
But it's not going to be easy.
These girls are from 12 different countries.
It's like model UN, except with real models.
Too bad we don't have a translator.
Bonjour. Guten tag.
How many languages do you speak?
Six, still a little rusty on my
mandarin, but I could get by.
Saddle up.
Wow. The investigative assistant
gets an assignment in the field?
- Score.
- The investigative assistant requests
that you don't speak about him
as if he's not in the room.
Oh, of course. Tell him I'm sorry.
It's just that I've never seen an investigative
assistant assigned actual fieldwork.
Uniformed officers will be standing by
just in case anything gets interesting.
Forstas.
"Understood." I'm Swedish on my dad's side.
Maybe I should tag along to work the ladies.
Um, Detective Diamond, I would
still love to get a moment with you.
For sure, be there in a jiffy.
A long jiffy.
This might not be saying much,
but she's smarter than she looks.
Be careful with that one.
don't worry about me, got it covered.
Okay, team.
Ready to take down the newest version
of the world's oldest profession?
The things I do for my job.
Isn't this just the best?
Maybe we should have a
secret handshake, you know?
Or like, a whistle, like brrrrrr.
Oh, my God, I love fieldwork.
I just keep pinching myself.
Billy.
Whoa, okay.
Pretty sure we've established that
neither of those two women is Charlotte,
so let's move along.
Sure, sure.
- Switching to Max.
- What a great place!
Max, are you okay?
__
_
__
- Nope. Ow.
- Billy, get over there,
and pull that fraeulein off Max.
Hey, hey, get up.
Any info on Charlotte?
Not yet, these women aren't
talky, they're handsy.
Knock, knock.
So, hope I'm not interrupting.
Nope, nothing's happening.
So, it's, uh, been an hour. You free?
There's more where that came from.
Any minute now.
Uh, what's he doing?
Infiltrating.
Okay.
Well, shall we?
Oh, wow!
Excuse me.
Hi!
Hi! I got your message, but I thought
you didn't want me to stop by...
Why wouldn't I want
my boyfriend to stop by?
Boyfriend?
I like the sound of that...
Yes, yes, this is Tony.
- My man. Mmm.
- I'm your man?
Nice to meet you.
Detective Pulaski is here to see
if anything is going on between me and Jake,
Captain Broderick, which
of course is ridiculous
because I mean, look at us.
Look at us.
Hey, guys.
- Tony.
- Jake.
I was just explaining to Detective Pulaski
that my boyfriend likes
to stop by the workplace.
And we're all cool with it.
Aren't we?
Totally cool
with this guy and my ex-wife.
Okay, well, I don't want
to interrupt anything.
So, we'll chat tomorrow.
- Good night.
- Night.
Nice to meet you.
Good night.
Thank you.
You just totally used me.
Yes, I kinda did, yes.
For the record, I liked it.
You just called me your boyfriend, does
that mean I get to call you my girlfriend?
I'd like that.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, we've got Charlotte.
See you later, girlfriend.
She's heading to Billy.
You're a new face.
I am Charlotte, your host.
Are we having fun?
Yes, we are.
I, uh...
I like the options.
Well, yes, I'm very
choosy about who I employ.
Now, how does this all work exactly?
Fifteen grand a month for the year,
and in return you get the
complete girlfriend experience.
Ten dates a month with
a gorgeous young woman.
And no relationship demands, no drama.
I wanna make sure I get what I pay for.
All these women, they're down to...
You pick the girl, she will take care of
you, and I will take care of the payment.
Well, I did hear about this one girl.
- Okay.
- Viviana?
Mmm, she didn't come in tonight.
You wanna see something?
Take a look at this.
Viviana didn't come in tonight
because she was murdered.
And seeing as how you just
committed ten acts of pandering,
I suggest you start talking.
Uh, I had no idea.
Really?
Because from what I've heard, you and
Viviana got into it really bad a few weeks ago.
Only because she had a,
a bandage on her chest and she
wouldn't tell me what happened to her.
And I got mad because
she wouldn't let me help.
One of her dates was getting rough?
I'm not sure, but yeah, I think so.
All right, I'm going to need
a list of all of her clients.
I don't have the names,
but they're all in this room.
Listen up, no one goes in or out.
We may have trapped our killer.
So, based on our intel, the guy
we're looking for likes it rough.
Oh, well, I can totally
help because my new BFFs
gave me intel on almost every Tom,
Dick, and Harry John in this place.
Okay, so big brawny guy right there
is completely harmless, he's a crier.
Freakazoid next to him likes to
have his girls covered in food.
Then we have Sir Scarf right here...
Well, Reiko, what did you say about him?
Right, he's a biter.
And then man-bun just has a
lot of mommy issues, so...
Billy, Viviana had a bite mark.
That's our guy.
Okay, on it.
Scarf.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Hey!
Put her down, let her go.
Let her go.
Looks like you bit off
more than you could chew.
Good job.
Look.
We met through the link, but...
I really fell for Viviana.
I gave her my grandma's ring.
I wanted to marry her until I
found out what she really was.
So you didn't know that
she was on the clock.
Of course I knew she was a pro,
I just didn't know she was a skank.
And there's a difference?
Come on, Doug.
Huge. Check out the Erotic Hubdown.
It's a website where people
post reviews about sex workers.
So it's Yelp for hookers.
Basically. I found out about the
bad reviews a few nights ago and
I was skeeved out.
I met her for coffee yesterday
and took my grandma's ring back.
That's the last time I saw her.
What time?
8:30 A.M.?
Soon as I left, I went straight to
my doctor to get tested for STDs.
You can check with his office.
I'm going to need those records.
In the meantime, I'm willing to tread
your client directly to a holding cell.
The Erotic Hubdown.
Three Vivians, but only one
Viviana in New York, okay.
Twenty-three reviews.
Wait, Charlotte said Viviana
only had a few clients
so there's no way she'd
have 23 different reviews.
Wow, and they're all bad.
"I hired her and she overcharged me."
Then someone else says, "I hired
her and she stole my wallet."
Wait, and look at this one. "I
hired her and she gave me crabs."
Isn't it weird they all start the
exact same way, "I hired her..."
Uh... scoot.
Let's see if you can pull any
metadata on these reviews.
Should be able to see some IP addresses...
They're all the same.
- Crystal Cox.
- Crystal Cox.
She did not put a lot of
effort into her porn name.
Mine's "Frisky Longwood."
Just text me the address.
Okay.
Crap, I gotta do my interview with CDIU.
Watch yourself, rumor has it she's
looking to transfer someone out.
During a hiring freeze?
We're understaffed as it is.
Ask Laura and Billy to bring in Crystal Cox.
So, with respect to Detective Diamond.
For example, you feel that, as
two women of the same rank,
you get equivalent assignments?
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, okay, great, uh.
Detective Diamond thought the captain
might be giving you better cases.
What? She's the one that
gets the best cases.
I can't believe she said that.
Okay, I should tell you
I just lied about that.
Not that I'm a liar, just...
I sensed you were holding back so I
used the standard false evidence ploy,
sure you're aware.
Huh, well...
So, you were saying Detective
Diamond gets the best cases?
And you know what else?
Everything she asks for gets approved.
She just has to cite her gut instinct.
Yeah, check her paperwork
under the question,
"why is this resource required?"
She writes the word "gut" or she
just draws a huge smiley face.
No one else could get away with that.
Anything else?
Yeah, she almost always gets
paired with Billy in the field.
Why is that? Shouldn't we
like rotate or something?
And do you have any idea why Captain
Broderick seems to favor Detective Diamond?
Can this stay between you and me?
- Okay.
- Promise?
Swear.
Laura Diamond is by
far the best detective here.
I'm sorry, can you just say that...
Laura Diamond is by far
the best detective here.
But if you repeat a word of that
to anyone, I will hunt you down.
Clear?
I've been a detective a long
time, I'm pretty good at it.
You really expect me to believe that
you're real name is Crystal Cox?
My bad.
So you're not a prostitute?
I'm a podiatrist.
Can I go now?
Uh, not yet.
Viviana Costa, apparently you know her.
Now she actually is a prostitute.
And not a very good one according to
your reviews on the Erotic Hubdown site.
Viviana stole my fiance.
Who is Doug Lowe.
Yeah, it was.
Until he left me for
some 20-year-old hooker.
Uh, it sounds like he thought
of her as more of a girlfriend.
He is paying her to be with him.
Well, he was.
We discovered her body yesterday.
Yesterday?
I saw her yesterday.
Where?
I've been following Doug.
Yesterday morning, he
had coffee with her and
I filmed them so I could show
him that she didn't love him.
He was just another John.
Look, as soon as Doug's out of sight, she
hops into a car with some other customer.
This was taken right before she was shot.
It doesn't show the license plate.
Whoever's driving is probably our killer.
I think you're right.
It's too bad we can't see who it is.
We don't need to.
I know exactly who's behind the wheel.
And how exactly do you regard
Captain Broderick in the workplace?
Oh, with utmost respect.
Utmost respect.
Ooh, you certainly are a creative driver.
Surprisingly hard to take notes...
Well, I could always drop you off.
No way, this is my first actual field
assignment in New York, I'm good.
You're a full-blown CDIU detective
and you've never been in the field?
Oh, no, I have, just not a New York field.
In Wisconsin, I was in
robbery, homicide forever.
Uh...
Enough about me, you and the captain
were working at different precincts
when you got divorced?
When I filed, yeah.
So you got divorced after you filed
at some point, is that a long time?
Or, how does that work?
He took forever to sign the papers,
I took forever to send them in.
Normal dysfunctional stuff.
- Phew...
- You suck.
Normal dysfunctional stuff.
You're married, yeah?
Not anymore.
Why did you think I was married?
You said you were Swedish
on your father's side,
"Pulaski" sounds Polish, so I
figured it was your married name.
Smart.
Wait, I thought we were
going in to get the bad guy?
Nope, bad guy's coming to us.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Inside the consulate
you're on Brazilian soil.
Out here, we can legally
arrest you for murder.
You crazy...
Don't even think about it.
Come on, let's go.
Not bad for your first New York field trip.
Do it.
I have a feeling it'll be good for you.
Ballistics matched your gun to the
gun used to kill Viviana Costa.
You don't understand.
What, you picked her up after a
coffee date, took her into the woods,
shot her and you weren't even late for work.
What more should I understand?
She was bribing me, okay?
When I processed her work
visa a few months ago,
she offered me 20 grand to
falsify a permanent visa.
But not for herself.
- For her brother.
- Yeah, she thought he'd be better off in the US.
- So what, she didn't pay up?
- She did.
It was so easy for her to
get this money, so I figured,
why not up the price to 50 grand?
And she freaked out.
She said she was going to turn me in
for accepting bribes.
That would have been a
10-year sentence in Brazil!
Well, now you don't have
to worry about that.
Because you're going to be
locked up right here in the US
for the rest of your life.
And by the way,
you look nothing like David Hasselhoff.
Now give it up, y'all, come on!
- Seriously?
- Okay.
Demolishing a Trans Am, was that necessary?
Oh, um, yeah.
Thanks to the boys' baseball
bat, a killer's behind bars,
and we didn't have to involved
the State Department.
So, I've finished my report.
Captain, may I speak with you please?
With all due respect, sir,
I have found several acts of impropriety
that absolutely mandate a personnel change.
What impropriety?
Just in my executive summary here...
"The captain's relationship with
Detective Diamond is far from resolved,
"and inserts itself into the
workplace on a daily basis.
"As does the flirtation between
Detectives Soto and Bose."
Oh, but don't say anything to them
because they're not aware of it yet.
How do you know about that?
Please, do I look like I was born yesterday?
Sort of.
You also have the administrative
assistant working in the field.
The same one who worked here
for months off the books.
All in, this precinct violates pretty
much every personnel code in the book.
Unfortunately, the form I'm required to
fill out doesn't allow for me to indicate
some of the other things I have witnessed.
- I get it, detective.
- Unparalleled teamwork.
Whip-smart sleuthing, and a
record number of closed cases.
Sir.
The past few days have been a revelation.
You all have managed to excel
even when wildly understaffed.
But the rules are the rules, so...
Please excuse my hesitation...
Oh, and my tendency to twist
my fingers when I'm nervous.
While I tell you my
proposed personnel change.
Detective Pulaski, let me stop you there.
If anyone is going to be transferred,
- it's me.
- Sir.
That's not exactly what I had in mind.
L-bizzle.
Anyone know why Jake sent up the bat signal?
We assume it's about
who's getting transferred.
Can we please not use the "T" word?
I usually listen to Jake
better after a few drinks.
Bar keep, beer with a beer chaser please.
Shh...
Well, thank you all for joining me.
It seemed like we needed a drink
after the stress of the past few days.
But the CDIU's investigation has ended.
And it has revealed what
we all knew to be true,
that things could not
continue as they had been.
Because we have been
understaffed for far too long.
And due to a hiring freeze,
we couldn't bring anyone in,
unless, that is, the CDIU suggested
that we transfer in someone, so...
Ladies and gentleman.
And Hal.
I'd like to introduce you to the
newest member of the 2nd precinct,
Detective Frankie Pulaski.
Hey...
Thanks, guys.
Whoo!
- Congrats.
- Thanks, thanks...
Welcome aboard, detective.
Thank you, detective.
So you turned in your report?
Basically wrote itself, once I realized
who the anonymous complaint was from.
You know who it was?
Went back and did a little digging.
We've been seriously backlogged in CDIU,
so once I realized the complaint
was submitted only two days
after Captain Broderick was
transferred to the 2nd precinct...
Me?
Mmm...
Oh, my God.
This was a five-month-old complaint?
Sent in by someone who referred
to your ex as "Captain Man-child."
Don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me.
And your secret is safe with me.
I'm not sure what you're referring to.
Your husband.
I'm so sorry.
Um...
Wow, how did you know?
Well, you obviously don't know
Jack about how divorce works.
So I did a little digging myself...
Is that why you moved to New York?
I'm, uh, guessing you can relate.
Being a cop who was married to a cop...
After it happened,
I became
that woman whose husband died on the job.
I miss him every day.
But...
I am really ready to start over.
Well, welcome to the
2nd precinct, Wisconsin.
Starting over is our specialty.
- Oh, hey!
- Oh, hey!
- Whoo.
- Whoo!
- So fun!
- Yeah.
Detective Pulaski, somebody
over there wants to say hi.
Oh!
Fantastic, yeah.
And then there was one person
in the precinct too many.
Am I right, or am I right?
So, it looks like we are safe.
Till the next time nothing happens.
There will be no next time nothing happens.
Understood?
Understood, detective?
- Oh!
- Sorry.
Oh!
You think there's any chance she wizzled her
way in here so she can keep an eye on us?
Nah.
Kinda like her.
And I have nothing to hide.
Me neither.
Whoa.
Oh, man.
Whoo!
Wasn't much of a chase,
the guy's wearing clown shoes.
Hal, take this bozo to holding.
Guess who's paying a little
visit to the 2nd precinct today.
Is his last name Hemsworth?
No.
I'm not interested.
Huh, you should be.
The CDIU is sending someone to
do an internal investigation.
Apparently, somebody complained
about an inappropriate relationship
in our squad.
What? You mean us?
The almost... Which didn't!
Oh!
Nothing happened.
Nothingish.
At any rate, how did the
Chief of Detectives find out?
No idea, but I do have my suspicions.
- 'Morning.
- Okay.
He'd never...
She might.
Listen up everyone.
A Frank Pulaski of the Chief of
Detective's unit will be stopping by.
Apparently, somebody is under the mistaken
impression that something happened
between two people of differing ranks.
Which it didn't. Nothing happened.
Now, we don't know the specifics...
Because there are none. Nothing happened.
So, just give them the facts.
And when Detective Pulaski arrives,
he will be interviewing
each and every one of you.
Uh, he's here.
Except he is a she.
Hi, I'm Detective Pulaski.
You're Frank Pulaski?
It's Francesca but
everyone calls me Frankie.
No matter how many times I ask them not to.
People...
Wassup, 2nd precinct?
Okay, nice to meet you.
Would you like to get comfortable?
Get a coffee or anything?
Oh, that is so sweet,
but I probably should just jump
right into my investigation.
I love the focus, but, FYI,
there's nothing to investigate.
Detective Diamond, I presume?
You know, you would be the best person
for me to just kick off my interviews with.
Sure, ready?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Nothing happened.
Actually, something did happen.
No, it didn't.
Oh, not that thing that didn't happen.
I was referring to the dead body
that they found in Central Park.
- I'll do it!
- Aren't you and Billy
finishing up the bodega heist?
Laura, go.
She gets a clown and a murder?
Feels like my birthday.
So we'll just jump in later then.
Much later.
Sounds good.
All right...
Reynaldo, are you wearing a tuxedo?
Don't have time to change
before my Arthur Murray class.
You're taking a dance class?
I am teaching one.
Of course you are.
Care to introduce us?
Young woman, early twenties. Single bullet
to the head. Shot at a downward angle.
No drugs, no alcohol detected.
But she's got this bite
mark near her left clavicle.
Couple of weeks old.
- Good eye, Diamond.
- Time of death?
Body was found at 10:00, still warm.
I'd put your TOD between 9:00, 9:30.
- Anything else?
- I got you
one
muddy purse.
Why does this bag look familiar?
Keys.
Brush.
Lip gloss.
No phone, ID, or credit card.
- Robbery.
- I don't think so.
Robbers usually don't kill
someone execution style.
I remember!
This is the best bag!
Agreed. It's roomy.
No, no, no, no, I saw it on an infomercial
the night I got my Egg Genie.
And it's got a secret compartment
to hide your valuables.
Oh...
Hello, Viviana Costa.
Here on a work visa.
I'm off to Brazil.
This is not what I was thinking
when you said we were going to Brazil.
Land inside a consulate
is legally foreign territory.
Doesn't matter what time your flight leaves,
you must fill out the correct form,
your visa will be processed in...
Authentic South American bureaucratic hell.
This guy's going to be super helpful.
NYPD.
A Brazilian national was shot
to death in Central Park.
We need anything you might have on her.
Local law enforcement requests must
be submitted through higher channels.
I can't promise you we're gonna...
Has anyone ever told you that you
look just like David Hasselhoff?
I know it sounds crazy,
but there was this TV show
on here when I was a kid,
called Knight Rider.
Of course, we had it in Brazil.
In fact, I have a model of the Kitt car.
Would you look at that? Oh, my gosh.
Oh, I was obsessed.
I had no idea that Knight Rider
was so popular in Brazil.
The first thing I did
when I arrived in the US
was to save up enough money to
buy a Trans Am just like it.
The car is most awesome.
No doubt.
So, you have the correct forms
and you can start filling them out.
Or you could just push print
on your little computer.
All we need is a local address.
Or since you have a talking
car, I could just ask Kitt.
You're going to get me into trouble, but...
Okay.
Cap'o, wanted to see me?
- Come on in.
- Yup.
What's up?
I was just wondering if you had any
perceptions about Laura and me
that you would like to discuss
before you talk to the CDIU.
I have plenty of perceptions,
but none that I'd discuss with CDIU.
Good!
Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting.
No, not at all.
Detective Soto and I were just discussing a
police matter.
That's all we do here is work, work, work.
Work, work, work.
So, getting started?
Just need your John Hancock right here.
Here.
And initials here.
Which gives me permission to discuss
interpersonal matters with all staff
under your supervision.
So any necessary personnel changes would
be submitted before the end of the week.
Personnel changes?
If a certain level of
impropriety exists here,
NYPD protocol mandates that we transfer
one or more of the offending parties
to another precinct.
Transfer, that's a little extreme, isn't it?
Yeah, the downtown brass
are serious sticklers.
When I moved into my cubicle, I brought
in the cutest puppy dog trash can.
You click the remote, little
guy opens his mouth,
just toss the trash right in there,
it'd let out the sweetest little woof.
Woof! Just like that.
Turns out, not a regulation
trash receptacle.
Okay.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry.
There will only be a transfer
if I find anything improper.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Yeah, me too.
Let me know if you need any help from me.
A 20-year-old with a work visa lives in
the penthouse of this apartment building?
I smell trust fund.
Go ahead, take it, there's no one home.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, I'm just calling to let your
mouth know I made a creme brulee.
That's exciting.
But unfortunately my mouth and
I have to work late tonight.
Ooh!
That sounded dirtier than I intended.
Yes, it did. Well, I could be
persuaded to drop by the precinct.
Make a special delivery.
Oh, you're sweet.
I think I'd rather just
keep us a bit on the DL.
Is that completely rude?
No, we're good.
- Rain check?
- Check.
- Excuse me.
- Gotta go.
Excuse me.
Uh, NYPD.
We're looking for someone
who lives in this apartment.
I live here, can I help you?
Do you know this woman?
Yes, that's, uh, Viviana.
What is this about?
She was found dead this morning.
She's my nanny.
Where is my son?
It has to be my ex-husband, I'm telling you.
When was the last time you saw him?
When I kicked him out of
the house six months ago.
I caught my son, Tucker,
tying a jump rope around his arm.
Trying to be like daddy.
Your ex is a heroin addict?
Forgive me.
You just don't seem like...
Like a woman who'd marry a junkie?
Agreed.
In college, Roger was charismatic,
he was the life of the party, he just
never grew up.
Before the divorce, I would never have even
considered him capable of murder, but...
He hates me so much.
Tucker's autistic.
He's utterly vulnerable,
you have got to find him.
We checked the address that you had for
Roger, he hasn't been there in weeks.
- Oh, my God.
- Is there somewhere else he'd go?
A friend, a co-worker?
Yes, uh...
Beno, total loser.
He has a photography studio.
Sometimes Roger crashes there.
So when Captain Broderick
came to the 2nd precinct...
Did I already say nothing happened?
I just want to make sure
you have that written down.
Yeah, totally, a couple of times.
So, now we can just chat about other stuff.
Uh, I'm curious what it's like
working with Captain Broderick.
Oh, it's super-supes.
When he took over, it
felt like a family here.
But not like with a mom and dad
who sleep in the same house.
More like a family with a boss
and a bunch of co-workers.
You know, it's funny, it says here...
You only started working six weeks ago?
Uh, the captain's been
here almost six months.
That is funny, may I see?
Oh, okay, carry the three,
divided by seven...
Yes, that is correct.
I began being employed by the City
of New York nigh on six weeks ago.
So, how did you know things changed
when Captain Broderick arrived?
'Cause I had been... I already...
'Cause when I was walking over here,
I was in the zeitgeist, like,
the unofficial mascot.
But without the costume and
accompanying low self-esteem.
But then the captain bought
me and made me official.
I'm sorry, he bought you?
No, "bought" sounds weird.
Actually, he traded me for
a fancy espresso machine.
So now we just have a
regular old coffee pot.
Can I go get you a cup?
Cup of Joe for the lady?
No thanks, I don't drink coffee.
And how is the captain's
conduct around his ex-wife?
And who's that?
He was married to Detective Diamond,
as you mentioned at the
beginning of this interview?
Did I... them?
It was you.
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Hello, officers.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
We're looking for Roger Wexler, is he here?
He is not. I believe he's residing
at a rehab facility in New Jersey.
Who else is here?
It's just me.
Stay right there.
Watch it, Billy.
Oh...
What the hell are you doing with
a goat in the middle of Manhattan?
I photograph him.
Used to make calendars, but now
Shackleton is starting a blog.
Shackleton is the goat?
Does this belong to Shackleton?
'Cause it says Tucker. Where's Roger?
I have no idea.
Think harder.
Or we're charging you with
accessory after the fact.
After what fact? What did Roger do?
We need to speak to him in connection
to a homicide investigation.
His son's nanny was found dead this morning.
And the boy is missing, too.
You mean her?
This is Roger's stuff, he printed
out those pics the other day.
What's this?
No idea.
He was looking up something
on his phone before he left.
Does 117 mean anything to you?
That better not be a flight number.
We've already put tracers at all the
airports, rail roads, port authority...
I love the transpo theme.
Aw.
My boys were obsessed with the train,
we used to ride the subways in circles.
Oh, Tucker's the same way.
Oh, he loves buses, taxis, cars...
He just sits there and watches them pass by.
Doesn't the M117 stop
right outside Beno's place?
Make a scene and I'll cuff
you in front of your kid.
Come on.
Losing custody of Tucker must
have been horrible for you.
It's the worst thing that's
ever happened to me.
You'd do anything to get
him back, wouldn't you?
Maybe even killing Viviana?
What? Of course not.
You've been planning so carefully.
Stalking...
I wasn't stalking! Those are the
only photos I have of my son.
I don't have visitation rights.
The only time I get to see Tucker is
when his nanny picks him up at school.
I watch him from across the street.
Must've made you crazy.
That she gets to spend time
with your son and you didn't.
So, you snapped.
You shot Viviana, you kidnapped your kid...
Look.
I saw Tucker just standing there.
Nobody came for him.
What was I supposed to do?
I picked my kid up from school,
but I swear I didn't kill Viviana.
Roger's alibi checked out.
This wasn't about custody.
Any thoughts?
No idea.
We didn't know much about her personal life.
Who's this?
Boyfriend, maybe?
It's her younger brother.
He's autistic.
That can't be a coincidence.
Not at all.
Every autistic kid is
different, obviously, but
growing up around it just
gave Viviana special insight.
Hiring Viv was the best
thing I ever did for him.
- See Viv, see Viv!
- Shh...
What about hobbies?
Any place she'd like to go?
Well, Tucker wouldn't know about that.
It's hard to know what he's thinking.
See Viv? Viv, Jim, go, Jim.
Who's Jim, Tucker?
Is he Viv's friend?
Could he mean "gym," as in the health club?
The gym was right.
New York Fitness.
Broadway and 10th, to be exact.
Viviana's locker had all of this.
Viviana, what were you up to?
Detective Soto, please, sit.
And I hope this can be real quick.
How can I help?
Do you feel you can be completely honest
when discussing Detective Diamond's
relationship with Captain Broderick?
Yes, I do.
Okay, great. That's all I needed.
Thank you so much.
But I haven't given you any information.
Look, everyone says
you're a great detective.
I can't outsmart you, so
I'm not even going to try.
What are you talking about?
Well, Glennyn Ruckards told me you
strum your fingers on the desk
when you try to sweet-talk her.
So I ask myself, why would you want
to sweet talk me when I ask if you can
answer honestly and we both
know there is only one reason.
I'm not going to put you in
the uncomfortable position
of revealing whatever it is you're hiding,
but the fact that you're hiding something
is itself the subject of this interview.
Thank you.
Oh, did you have anything
you'd like to add, or...
Nothing happened!
What else was in the gym bag?
A second phone,
with a very full calendar.
JF at the Waldorf Astoria, AP at
the Ritz, about three dates a week.
Pretty popular with the guys, huh?
At least one girl, Viviana
constantly texted a Sofie,
including this morning.
"Meet me in the park at 9:30 at sculpture
thingy. Have something to show you."
Viviana was killed around 9:30
in close proximity to at least
a dozen sculptures, and/or "thingies."
Only one app on the phone, a game,
Sugar Slice which even our
resident gamer can't make sense of.
Worst game ever.
Keeps crashing on the first level.
Super buggy.
So Viviana had something
she wanted to show Sofie.
Maybe that something got her killed.
This is a bad time for me, my
boss will be home any minute.
Listen, Sofie.
Worse time for Viviana.
She was killed this morning.
Oh, my God.
May I... may I help?
That'll buy us 40 seconds. Go.
All right, Viviana texted you this morning.
She wanted you to meet her at the park?
Yes, I took the kids and waited
for an hour, but she never showed.
How did you meet Viviana?
Through the agency.
The au pair agency or the escort agency?
I don't understand.
You know who would understand?
Immigration.
A prostitution charge voids your visa
and sends you right back to Belarus.
We're not prostitutes.
We get paid for going on dates but what
we do on those dates is for us to decide.
I'm guessing you usually have sex?
Do you not date?
A guy takes you for dinner,
and you have a nice time.
At end of night, sometimes you have sex, no?
- Not yet.
- It's the same thing.
There's nothing shameful,
what we do empowers women.
News flash!
It's still illegal.
So why don't you give us something useful?
How does this au pair/escort agency work?
I'll show you.
Sugar Slice is a fake game.
Enter the right code and voila.
A shopping list of hookers comes up.
The whole agency's run through an app.
That's kind of genius.
Brainchild of Charlotte Bernice,
London School of Economics.
Two years of management consulting
and now the owner of a very
successful au pair agency.
Which doubles as a very
successful prostitution ring.
Bingo!
The men pay 15,000 bucks for every 10 dates.
It gives a new meaning to buying in bulk.
Oh, but wait.
There's more.
At the end of every month, the
app provides an address to a party
and a code to get in. The Johns
come and check out the inventory.
And how does she pay the women?
Charlotte deposits $1,000 into
their account for every date.
So it's like the Uber of sex.
Why would Charlotte want to
knock off one of her employees?
Sofie said that Viviana and Charlotte
were fighting at the last mixer.
Great, let's pick up Charlotte.
She's smart. If we want anything to stick,
we have to catch her red-handed.
Do you have a plan?
It'll be fish in a barrel.
Two to three dozen beautiful women roaming
the room waiting to be asked on a date.
You will slip in.
Peruse the inventory, make your pick.
As soon as Charlotte
swoops in to seal the deal,
we swoop in.
Billy Soto looking fly.
Shame you don't get to see me
in action working my magic.
Oh, but we will. Watching through your eyes.
So, keep that magic focused on the case.
Okay, one print out of every
au pair on the sexy time app.
Great, they're all going
to be at the party tonight,
and any one of them could
give us a motive on Charlotte.
That's why we really need someone
in there getting close to the women
while Billy deals with Charlotte.
But it's not going to be easy.
These girls are from 12 different countries.
It's like model UN, except with real models.
Too bad we don't have a translator.
Bonjour. Guten tag.
How many languages do you speak?
Six, still a little rusty on my
mandarin, but I could get by.
Saddle up.
Wow. The investigative assistant
gets an assignment in the field?
- Score.
- The investigative assistant requests
that you don't speak about him
as if he's not in the room.
Oh, of course. Tell him I'm sorry.
It's just that I've never seen an investigative
assistant assigned actual fieldwork.
Uniformed officers will be standing by
just in case anything gets interesting.
Forstas.
"Understood." I'm Swedish on my dad's side.
Maybe I should tag along to work the ladies.
Um, Detective Diamond, I would
still love to get a moment with you.
For sure, be there in a jiffy.
A long jiffy.
This might not be saying much,
but she's smarter than she looks.
Be careful with that one.
don't worry about me, got it covered.
Okay, team.
Ready to take down the newest version
of the world's oldest profession?
The things I do for my job.
Isn't this just the best?
Maybe we should have a
secret handshake, you know?
Or like, a whistle, like brrrrrr.
Oh, my God, I love fieldwork.
I just keep pinching myself.
Billy.
Whoa, okay.
Pretty sure we've established that
neither of those two women is Charlotte,
so let's move along.
Sure, sure.
- Switching to Max.
- What a great place!
Max, are you okay?
__
_
__
- Nope. Ow.
- Billy, get over there,
and pull that fraeulein off Max.
Hey, hey, get up.
Any info on Charlotte?
Not yet, these women aren't
talky, they're handsy.
Knock, knock.
So, hope I'm not interrupting.
Nope, nothing's happening.
So, it's, uh, been an hour. You free?
There's more where that came from.
Any minute now.
Uh, what's he doing?
Infiltrating.
Okay.
Well, shall we?
Oh, wow!
Excuse me.
Hi!
Hi! I got your message, but I thought
you didn't want me to stop by...
Why wouldn't I want
my boyfriend to stop by?
Boyfriend?
I like the sound of that...
Yes, yes, this is Tony.
- My man. Mmm.
- I'm your man?
Nice to meet you.
Detective Pulaski is here to see
if anything is going on between me and Jake,
Captain Broderick, which
of course is ridiculous
because I mean, look at us.
Look at us.
Hey, guys.
- Tony.
- Jake.
I was just explaining to Detective Pulaski
that my boyfriend likes
to stop by the workplace.
And we're all cool with it.
Aren't we?
Totally cool
with this guy and my ex-wife.
Okay, well, I don't want
to interrupt anything.
So, we'll chat tomorrow.
- Good night.
- Night.
Nice to meet you.
Good night.
Thank you.
You just totally used me.
Yes, I kinda did, yes.
For the record, I liked it.
You just called me your boyfriend, does
that mean I get to call you my girlfriend?
I'd like that.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, we've got Charlotte.
See you later, girlfriend.
She's heading to Billy.
You're a new face.
I am Charlotte, your host.
Are we having fun?
Yes, we are.
I, uh...
I like the options.
Well, yes, I'm very
choosy about who I employ.
Now, how does this all work exactly?
Fifteen grand a month for the year,
and in return you get the
complete girlfriend experience.
Ten dates a month with
a gorgeous young woman.
And no relationship demands, no drama.
I wanna make sure I get what I pay for.
All these women, they're down to...
You pick the girl, she will take care of
you, and I will take care of the payment.
Well, I did hear about this one girl.
- Okay.
- Viviana?
Mmm, she didn't come in tonight.
You wanna see something?
Take a look at this.
Viviana didn't come in tonight
because she was murdered.
And seeing as how you just
committed ten acts of pandering,
I suggest you start talking.
Uh, I had no idea.
Really?
Because from what I've heard, you and
Viviana got into it really bad a few weeks ago.
Only because she had a,
a bandage on her chest and she
wouldn't tell me what happened to her.
And I got mad because
she wouldn't let me help.
One of her dates was getting rough?
I'm not sure, but yeah, I think so.
All right, I'm going to need
a list of all of her clients.
I don't have the names,
but they're all in this room.
Listen up, no one goes in or out.
We may have trapped our killer.
So, based on our intel, the guy
we're looking for likes it rough.
Oh, well, I can totally
help because my new BFFs
gave me intel on almost every Tom,
Dick, and Harry John in this place.
Okay, so big brawny guy right there
is completely harmless, he's a crier.
Freakazoid next to him likes to
have his girls covered in food.
Then we have Sir Scarf right here...
Well, Reiko, what did you say about him?
Right, he's a biter.
And then man-bun just has a
lot of mommy issues, so...
Billy, Viviana had a bite mark.
That's our guy.
Okay, on it.
Scarf.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Hey!
Put her down, let her go.
Let her go.
Looks like you bit off
more than you could chew.
Good job.
Look.
We met through the link, but...
I really fell for Viviana.
I gave her my grandma's ring.
I wanted to marry her until I
found out what she really was.
So you didn't know that
she was on the clock.
Of course I knew she was a pro,
I just didn't know she was a skank.
And there's a difference?
Come on, Doug.
Huge. Check out the Erotic Hubdown.
It's a website where people
post reviews about sex workers.
So it's Yelp for hookers.
Basically. I found out about the
bad reviews a few nights ago and
I was skeeved out.
I met her for coffee yesterday
and took my grandma's ring back.
That's the last time I saw her.
What time?
8:30 A.M.?
Soon as I left, I went straight to
my doctor to get tested for STDs.
You can check with his office.
I'm going to need those records.
In the meantime, I'm willing to tread
your client directly to a holding cell.
The Erotic Hubdown.
Three Vivians, but only one
Viviana in New York, okay.
Twenty-three reviews.
Wait, Charlotte said Viviana
only had a few clients
so there's no way she'd
have 23 different reviews.
Wow, and they're all bad.
"I hired her and she overcharged me."
Then someone else says, "I hired
her and she stole my wallet."
Wait, and look at this one. "I
hired her and she gave me crabs."
Isn't it weird they all start the
exact same way, "I hired her..."
Uh... scoot.
Let's see if you can pull any
metadata on these reviews.
Should be able to see some IP addresses...
They're all the same.
- Crystal Cox.
- Crystal Cox.
She did not put a lot of
effort into her porn name.
Mine's "Frisky Longwood."
Just text me the address.
Okay.
Crap, I gotta do my interview with CDIU.
Watch yourself, rumor has it she's
looking to transfer someone out.
During a hiring freeze?
We're understaffed as it is.
Ask Laura and Billy to bring in Crystal Cox.
So, with respect to Detective Diamond.
For example, you feel that, as
two women of the same rank,
you get equivalent assignments?
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, okay, great, uh.
Detective Diamond thought the captain
might be giving you better cases.
What? She's the one that
gets the best cases.
I can't believe she said that.
Okay, I should tell you
I just lied about that.
Not that I'm a liar, just...
I sensed you were holding back so I
used the standard false evidence ploy,
sure you're aware.
Huh, well...
So, you were saying Detective
Diamond gets the best cases?
And you know what else?
Everything she asks for gets approved.
She just has to cite her gut instinct.
Yeah, check her paperwork
under the question,
"why is this resource required?"
She writes the word "gut" or she
just draws a huge smiley face.
No one else could get away with that.
Anything else?
Yeah, she almost always gets
paired with Billy in the field.
Why is that? Shouldn't we
like rotate or something?
And do you have any idea why Captain
Broderick seems to favor Detective Diamond?
Can this stay between you and me?
- Okay.
- Promise?
Swear.
Laura Diamond is by
far the best detective here.
I'm sorry, can you just say that...
Laura Diamond is by far
the best detective here.
But if you repeat a word of that
to anyone, I will hunt you down.
Clear?
I've been a detective a long
time, I'm pretty good at it.
You really expect me to believe that
you're real name is Crystal Cox?
My bad.
So you're not a prostitute?
I'm a podiatrist.
Can I go now?
Uh, not yet.
Viviana Costa, apparently you know her.
Now she actually is a prostitute.
And not a very good one according to
your reviews on the Erotic Hubdown site.
Viviana stole my fiance.
Who is Doug Lowe.
Yeah, it was.
Until he left me for
some 20-year-old hooker.
Uh, it sounds like he thought
of her as more of a girlfriend.
He is paying her to be with him.
Well, he was.
We discovered her body yesterday.
Yesterday?
I saw her yesterday.
Where?
I've been following Doug.
Yesterday morning, he
had coffee with her and
I filmed them so I could show
him that she didn't love him.
He was just another John.
Look, as soon as Doug's out of sight, she
hops into a car with some other customer.
This was taken right before she was shot.
It doesn't show the license plate.
Whoever's driving is probably our killer.
I think you're right.
It's too bad we can't see who it is.
We don't need to.
I know exactly who's behind the wheel.
And how exactly do you regard
Captain Broderick in the workplace?
Oh, with utmost respect.
Utmost respect.
Ooh, you certainly are a creative driver.
Surprisingly hard to take notes...
Well, I could always drop you off.
No way, this is my first actual field
assignment in New York, I'm good.
You're a full-blown CDIU detective
and you've never been in the field?
Oh, no, I have, just not a New York field.
In Wisconsin, I was in
robbery, homicide forever.
Uh...
Enough about me, you and the captain
were working at different precincts
when you got divorced?
When I filed, yeah.
So you got divorced after you filed
at some point, is that a long time?
Or, how does that work?
He took forever to sign the papers,
I took forever to send them in.
Normal dysfunctional stuff.
- Phew...
- You suck.
Normal dysfunctional stuff.
You're married, yeah?
Not anymore.
Why did you think I was married?
You said you were Swedish
on your father's side,
"Pulaski" sounds Polish, so I
figured it was your married name.
Smart.
Wait, I thought we were
going in to get the bad guy?
Nope, bad guy's coming to us.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Inside the consulate
you're on Brazilian soil.
Out here, we can legally
arrest you for murder.
You crazy...
Don't even think about it.
Come on, let's go.
Not bad for your first New York field trip.
Do it.
I have a feeling it'll be good for you.
Ballistics matched your gun to the
gun used to kill Viviana Costa.
You don't understand.
What, you picked her up after a
coffee date, took her into the woods,
shot her and you weren't even late for work.
What more should I understand?
She was bribing me, okay?
When I processed her work
visa a few months ago,
she offered me 20 grand to
falsify a permanent visa.
But not for herself.
- For her brother.
- Yeah, she thought he'd be better off in the US.
- So what, she didn't pay up?
- She did.
It was so easy for her to
get this money, so I figured,
why not up the price to 50 grand?
And she freaked out.
She said she was going to turn me in
for accepting bribes.
That would have been a
10-year sentence in Brazil!
Well, now you don't have
to worry about that.
Because you're going to be
locked up right here in the US
for the rest of your life.
And by the way,
you look nothing like David Hasselhoff.
Now give it up, y'all, come on!
- Seriously?
- Okay.
Demolishing a Trans Am, was that necessary?
Oh, um, yeah.
Thanks to the boys' baseball
bat, a killer's behind bars,
and we didn't have to involved
the State Department.
So, I've finished my report.
Captain, may I speak with you please?
With all due respect, sir,
I have found several acts of impropriety
that absolutely mandate a personnel change.
What impropriety?
Just in my executive summary here...
"The captain's relationship with
Detective Diamond is far from resolved,
"and inserts itself into the
workplace on a daily basis.
"As does the flirtation between
Detectives Soto and Bose."
Oh, but don't say anything to them
because they're not aware of it yet.
How do you know about that?
Please, do I look like I was born yesterday?
Sort of.
You also have the administrative
assistant working in the field.
The same one who worked here
for months off the books.
All in, this precinct violates pretty
much every personnel code in the book.
Unfortunately, the form I'm required to
fill out doesn't allow for me to indicate
some of the other things I have witnessed.
- I get it, detective.
- Unparalleled teamwork.
Whip-smart sleuthing, and a
record number of closed cases.
Sir.
The past few days have been a revelation.
You all have managed to excel
even when wildly understaffed.
But the rules are the rules, so...
Please excuse my hesitation...
Oh, and my tendency to twist
my fingers when I'm nervous.
While I tell you my
proposed personnel change.
Detective Pulaski, let me stop you there.
If anyone is going to be transferred,
- it's me.
- Sir.
That's not exactly what I had in mind.
L-bizzle.
Anyone know why Jake sent up the bat signal?
We assume it's about
who's getting transferred.
Can we please not use the "T" word?
I usually listen to Jake
better after a few drinks.
Bar keep, beer with a beer chaser please.
Shh...
Well, thank you all for joining me.
It seemed like we needed a drink
after the stress of the past few days.
But the CDIU's investigation has ended.
And it has revealed what
we all knew to be true,
that things could not
continue as they had been.
Because we have been
understaffed for far too long.
And due to a hiring freeze,
we couldn't bring anyone in,
unless, that is, the CDIU suggested
that we transfer in someone, so...
Ladies and gentleman.
And Hal.
I'd like to introduce you to the
newest member of the 2nd precinct,
Detective Frankie Pulaski.
Hey...
Thanks, guys.
Whoo!
- Congrats.
- Thanks, thanks...
Welcome aboard, detective.
Thank you, detective.
So you turned in your report?
Basically wrote itself, once I realized
who the anonymous complaint was from.
You know who it was?
Went back and did a little digging.
We've been seriously backlogged in CDIU,
so once I realized the complaint
was submitted only two days
after Captain Broderick was
transferred to the 2nd precinct...
Me?
Mmm...
Oh, my God.
This was a five-month-old complaint?
Sent in by someone who referred
to your ex as "Captain Man-child."
Don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me.
And your secret is safe with me.
I'm not sure what you're referring to.
Your husband.
I'm so sorry.
Um...
Wow, how did you know?
Well, you obviously don't know
Jack about how divorce works.
So I did a little digging myself...
Is that why you moved to New York?
I'm, uh, guessing you can relate.
Being a cop who was married to a cop...
After it happened,
I became
that woman whose husband died on the job.
I miss him every day.
But...
I am really ready to start over.
Well, welcome to the
2nd precinct, Wisconsin.
Starting over is our specialty.
- Oh, hey!
- Oh, hey!
- Whoo.
- Whoo!
- So fun!
- Yeah.
Detective Pulaski, somebody
over there wants to say hi.
Oh!
Fantastic, yeah.
And then there was one person
in the precinct too many.
Am I right, or am I right?
So, it looks like we are safe.
Till the next time nothing happens.
There will be no next time nothing happens.
Understood?
Understood, detective?
- Oh!
- Sorry.
Oh!
You think there's any chance she wizzled her
way in here so she can keep an eye on us?
Nah.
Kinda like her.
And I have nothing to hide.
Me neither.