The Muppet Show (1976–1981): Season 2, Episode 14 - Elton John - full transcript
Elton John performs four of his biggest hit songs of the '70's like, "Crocodile Rock", "Bennie and the Jets", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", and, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart", with Miss Piggy filling in for Kiki Dee.
Elton John, Elton John,
1 5 seconds to curtain, Mr John,
It's great to be here,
Even my lunch likes me,
It's The Muppet Show with our
speciaI guest star, Mr Elton John!
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the light
It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational,
inspirational
Celebrational, Muppetational
This is what we
call The Muppet Show!
Thank you, thank you and
welcome to The Muppet Show.
We're going to have a
wonderfuI show for you,
We're very excited
because our guest star
is one of the world's
greatest recording stars,
Here he is now, Ladies and
gentlemen, Mr Elton John!
See you later, alligator,
OK, listen guys, how many
times have I told you?
Never eat the guest stars
at the beginning of the show,
Oh, Miss Piggy, is Elton John OK?
OK? He's fantastic!
Terrific, Scooter! Scooter!
Chef, you're on next,
I know,
I know,
I know!
I don't know,
Scooter! Scooter!
Yes, chief?
- What are you doing with this piano?
I found this song for Elton
John, He's just gotta hear it,
He don't gotta hear it,
Gee, my uncle who owns this
theatre wanted him to hear it,
Where do you want the piano?
- Upstairs in Elton's dressing room,
You got it,
Let's sneak out and have a pizza,
Kermit, I know you like to
make your guests feeI at home,
but you think a piano in the
dressing room is overdoing it?
I've been meaning to talk
to you about this piano,
See, we've got a gofer
around here and...
We've had frogs,
chickens and now a gopher?
Yeah, that's an old theatricaI term,
A gofer is somebody you have around to
go for coffee, Isn't that interesting?
No,
You see, this gofer of
ours has found a song
he wants you to do on the show,
Kermit, I thought you were
more professionaI than that,
I'm sorry, Elton,
but the kid has taste,
He's got talent and his uncle
owns the theatre, Please, please!
OK, OK, let's hear it,
OK, Scooter, come on
in! Get it over with,
OK, chief, Elton, sit down,
Make yourself comfortable,
You'll love it! Ready?
1, 2, 3, 4,
Hold it! Stop! Hold it!
Scooter, I told you Elton
wouldn't like that song,
That song is tasteless,
That song has no melody,
Isn't that the worst
song you've ever heard?
Well, I didn't think
so when I wrote it,
You wrote that song?
- Yep,
It's a rather interesting song,
It's got a nice little melody,
You really hated it?
- Well... yeah,
It can sound different,
- It can?
Yeah, let me show you,
- Let's hear it,
Time once again for
Veterinarian's Hospital.
The continuing story
of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Here's the next patient, Dr Bob,
It's a dog! I hope
he doesn't have fleas,
Why not?
- I hate to start from scratch,
What kind of dog is he, Dr Bob?
Ask him what time it is,
- Why?
He might be a watch dog,
Of course, he could be a guard dog,
You know, I know a woman who was
once attacked by her own guard dog,
Doberman pinscher?
- No, Doberman bit her!
Where did you find him?
At the lost and hound department,
I wish he was a dachshund,
- Why?
I'd like to get a long little doggy,
And so once again, Dr Bob has
taken the bulldog by the horns.
Tune in next week when
you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...
Dr Bob, I think the
patient is running a fever,
Go get some mustard,
- Mustard?
That's what you always
put on a hot dog,
Hey, I didn't know you
could play the piano,
I didn't know it either,
- Join in,
Very good, Here I go,
Oh, he's good,
Yeah,
This is my part, Take it,
Very good,
- Thank you,
Yeah, Together!
OK,
You take it now, OK? Ready, go!
Come on in!
This is fun!
Ready?
- What?
Fodulate,
- What's that?
You did it!
- Thank you! Whatever,
Oh, my hat!
- Hey!
What do I do?
Can you play hatless?
- What?
Can you play hatless?
- I don't know, Who wrote it?
Keep playing!
- Yes, sir,
Oh, that's how it works?
Just play!
- Yes, sir!
Big finish!
Watch out!
Ladies and gentlemen...
Kermit's allowed me to do an
introduction to our guest star,
I promised not to get carried
away, so I'll be very understated,
Here he is, the greatest talent
in the history of the universe,
Elton John!
And now, Pigs in Space!
Starring the intangible
Link Hogthrob.
The redoubtable Miss Piggy.
And the sanctimonious
Dr Strangepork.
As we left the Swinetrek last time,
the crew had just been overcome
with a fearful attack of boredom.
Oh, the endless sameness
of eternaI space,
A pig could go mad,
We only blasted off 20 minutes ago,
That long? At least we
could have brought a TV set,
I'm missing all my
favourite bowling shows,
You and your bowling shows,
He cries at the sad parts,
Doctor, What does
that red light mean?
The red light means stop,
The green light means go,
No, no, no, no, Not
traffic lights, you twit!
That light on the console,
Oh, that light,
That means we've been
invaded by alien beings,
What?
Yes, even now hideous creatures
of some sort are roaming the ship!
Help! Do something, Miss Piggy!
If they're like snakes I'll scream!
You're the captain, fatso!
According to the sensors,
there are two creatures,
Two? Two snakes?
I'll just die!
Will you please?
Yes, here's the read-out,
One is very frightened
and has feathers,
The other speaks some sort of
strange Scandinavian tongue,
Aliens! Alien beings
in the controI room!
Alien beings in the controI room!
Help! Oh, they're hideous creatures
loose in the controI room!
Well, they're gone,
Somehow, I miss them,
Oh, the endless sameness
of eternaI space,
Tune in next week
and be bored again by
Pigs in Space!
Kermit, About this Elton John,
- Yeah?
I have seen some pretty
weird guests on this show,
but this Elton John borders
on the revolutionary,
Well, Sam, Elton John is
a very important musician,
Then why does he dress
like a stolen car?
Sam, musicians have
always been fancy dressers,
Mozart wasn't,
Mozart wore high heels and
wigs and silk stockings,
Hold your little green tongue!
It's true, Sam,
If Mozart wore high heels, wigs
and stockings, I'll eat my hat,
And give Elton John
a big introduction?
That, too,
Look at this great picture
of Mozart Elton John gave me!
Love those high heels
and silk stockings,
What?
Sam, you know you'd look
great in a powdered wig,
Good grief! I've been hornswaggled,
OK guys, come on in!
Do I have to do this?
Yes, you do, Sam, A bet is a bet,
All right, Let's see,
I am proud to introduce one of
the great names in popular music,
One of my all time
favourites, Elton John,
And?
All right,
All right!
There's a wonderfuI lady that I have
always wanted to work and sing with,
So will you please
give a great reception
to the fantastic Miss Piggy!
Oh, thank you! Kissy,
kissy! Kisses to you all!
Oh, Elton, have you been
waiting long, poopsie?
It seems like an eternity,
- Of course it does, Ready!
Eat your heart out, Kiki!
Hey, we look like
members of the rock age,
No, we look more like
members of the Stone Age,
Well, that's about
all the time we have,
Boy, are we gonna have
some wardrobe bill,
But we're gonna save
on the light bill,
That's true, Once again, let's
bring out our speciaI guest star
and the man who caused
all this, Mr Elton John!
Boy, Elton, you look weird!
Well, you guys are all
dressed like stolen cars,
Hey, we'll see you next
time on The Muppet Show!
1 5 seconds to curtain, Mr John,
It's great to be here,
Even my lunch likes me,
It's The Muppet Show with our
speciaI guest star, Mr Elton John!
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the light
It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational,
inspirational
Celebrational, Muppetational
This is what we
call The Muppet Show!
Thank you, thank you and
welcome to The Muppet Show.
We're going to have a
wonderfuI show for you,
We're very excited
because our guest star
is one of the world's
greatest recording stars,
Here he is now, Ladies and
gentlemen, Mr Elton John!
See you later, alligator,
OK, listen guys, how many
times have I told you?
Never eat the guest stars
at the beginning of the show,
Oh, Miss Piggy, is Elton John OK?
OK? He's fantastic!
Terrific, Scooter! Scooter!
Chef, you're on next,
I know,
I know,
I know!
I don't know,
Scooter! Scooter!
Yes, chief?
- What are you doing with this piano?
I found this song for Elton
John, He's just gotta hear it,
He don't gotta hear it,
Gee, my uncle who owns this
theatre wanted him to hear it,
Where do you want the piano?
- Upstairs in Elton's dressing room,
You got it,
Let's sneak out and have a pizza,
Kermit, I know you like to
make your guests feeI at home,
but you think a piano in the
dressing room is overdoing it?
I've been meaning to talk
to you about this piano,
See, we've got a gofer
around here and...
We've had frogs,
chickens and now a gopher?
Yeah, that's an old theatricaI term,
A gofer is somebody you have around to
go for coffee, Isn't that interesting?
No,
You see, this gofer of
ours has found a song
he wants you to do on the show,
Kermit, I thought you were
more professionaI than that,
I'm sorry, Elton,
but the kid has taste,
He's got talent and his uncle
owns the theatre, Please, please!
OK, OK, let's hear it,
OK, Scooter, come on
in! Get it over with,
OK, chief, Elton, sit down,
Make yourself comfortable,
You'll love it! Ready?
1, 2, 3, 4,
Hold it! Stop! Hold it!
Scooter, I told you Elton
wouldn't like that song,
That song is tasteless,
That song has no melody,
Isn't that the worst
song you've ever heard?
Well, I didn't think
so when I wrote it,
You wrote that song?
- Yep,
It's a rather interesting song,
It's got a nice little melody,
You really hated it?
- Well... yeah,
It can sound different,
- It can?
Yeah, let me show you,
- Let's hear it,
Time once again for
Veterinarian's Hospital.
The continuing story
of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Here's the next patient, Dr Bob,
It's a dog! I hope
he doesn't have fleas,
Why not?
- I hate to start from scratch,
What kind of dog is he, Dr Bob?
Ask him what time it is,
- Why?
He might be a watch dog,
Of course, he could be a guard dog,
You know, I know a woman who was
once attacked by her own guard dog,
Doberman pinscher?
- No, Doberman bit her!
Where did you find him?
At the lost and hound department,
I wish he was a dachshund,
- Why?
I'd like to get a long little doggy,
And so once again, Dr Bob has
taken the bulldog by the horns.
Tune in next week when
you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...
Dr Bob, I think the
patient is running a fever,
Go get some mustard,
- Mustard?
That's what you always
put on a hot dog,
Hey, I didn't know you
could play the piano,
I didn't know it either,
- Join in,
Very good, Here I go,
Oh, he's good,
Yeah,
This is my part, Take it,
Very good,
- Thank you,
Yeah, Together!
OK,
You take it now, OK? Ready, go!
Come on in!
This is fun!
Ready?
- What?
Fodulate,
- What's that?
You did it!
- Thank you! Whatever,
Oh, my hat!
- Hey!
What do I do?
Can you play hatless?
- What?
Can you play hatless?
- I don't know, Who wrote it?
Keep playing!
- Yes, sir,
Oh, that's how it works?
Just play!
- Yes, sir!
Big finish!
Watch out!
Ladies and gentlemen...
Kermit's allowed me to do an
introduction to our guest star,
I promised not to get carried
away, so I'll be very understated,
Here he is, the greatest talent
in the history of the universe,
Elton John!
And now, Pigs in Space!
Starring the intangible
Link Hogthrob.
The redoubtable Miss Piggy.
And the sanctimonious
Dr Strangepork.
As we left the Swinetrek last time,
the crew had just been overcome
with a fearful attack of boredom.
Oh, the endless sameness
of eternaI space,
A pig could go mad,
We only blasted off 20 minutes ago,
That long? At least we
could have brought a TV set,
I'm missing all my
favourite bowling shows,
You and your bowling shows,
He cries at the sad parts,
Doctor, What does
that red light mean?
The red light means stop,
The green light means go,
No, no, no, no, Not
traffic lights, you twit!
That light on the console,
Oh, that light,
That means we've been
invaded by alien beings,
What?
Yes, even now hideous creatures
of some sort are roaming the ship!
Help! Do something, Miss Piggy!
If they're like snakes I'll scream!
You're the captain, fatso!
According to the sensors,
there are two creatures,
Two? Two snakes?
I'll just die!
Will you please?
Yes, here's the read-out,
One is very frightened
and has feathers,
The other speaks some sort of
strange Scandinavian tongue,
Aliens! Alien beings
in the controI room!
Alien beings in the controI room!
Help! Oh, they're hideous creatures
loose in the controI room!
Well, they're gone,
Somehow, I miss them,
Oh, the endless sameness
of eternaI space,
Tune in next week
and be bored again by
Pigs in Space!
Kermit, About this Elton John,
- Yeah?
I have seen some pretty
weird guests on this show,
but this Elton John borders
on the revolutionary,
Well, Sam, Elton John is
a very important musician,
Then why does he dress
like a stolen car?
Sam, musicians have
always been fancy dressers,
Mozart wasn't,
Mozart wore high heels and
wigs and silk stockings,
Hold your little green tongue!
It's true, Sam,
If Mozart wore high heels, wigs
and stockings, I'll eat my hat,
And give Elton John
a big introduction?
That, too,
Look at this great picture
of Mozart Elton John gave me!
Love those high heels
and silk stockings,
What?
Sam, you know you'd look
great in a powdered wig,
Good grief! I've been hornswaggled,
OK guys, come on in!
Do I have to do this?
Yes, you do, Sam, A bet is a bet,
All right, Let's see,
I am proud to introduce one of
the great names in popular music,
One of my all time
favourites, Elton John,
And?
All right,
All right!
There's a wonderfuI lady that I have
always wanted to work and sing with,
So will you please
give a great reception
to the fantastic Miss Piggy!
Oh, thank you! Kissy,
kissy! Kisses to you all!
Oh, Elton, have you been
waiting long, poopsie?
It seems like an eternity,
- Of course it does, Ready!
Eat your heart out, Kiki!
Hey, we look like
members of the rock age,
No, we look more like
members of the Stone Age,
Well, that's about
all the time we have,
Boy, are we gonna have
some wardrobe bill,
But we're gonna save
on the light bill,
That's true, Once again, let's
bring out our speciaI guest star
and the man who caused
all this, Mr Elton John!
Boy, Elton, you look weird!
Well, you guys are all
dressed like stolen cars,
Hey, we'll see you next
time on The Muppet Show!