The Mindy Project (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 7 - Revenge of the Nurse - full transcript
Mindy is afraid that she and Ben don't have similar desires for their futures; a former fling of Mindy's returns with an interesting new job.
- I don't know how I did it,
but I'm actually dating a real,
honest-to-goodness normo.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm dreaming...
because most of the guys
have been awful.
- Okay.
You're real.
- What about the guy
that hated your son?
Ooh, one-night stand
that cleaned out
your medicine cabinet.
- Ah, ah.
We only talk about
the good ones.
- Those were the good ones.
- Look, the point is,
I'm with Ben now,
so I don't have to think about
these weirdos and losers
ever again.
- That's true.
- "Weirdos and losers"?
Which one am I?
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
- Hi, Jamie.
- Hi.
- You know, I never thought
you were a weirdo, so you
must be one of the losers.
- No.
- Welcome to the club,
my brothah.
- Yes...
- No, you're not a loser.
Hey, you don't have to hug him,
it's okay.
Hey, stop!
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, my God, Jamie, Jamie.
- Help.
♪♪
- It's just been
such a long time.
Isn't it weird
that I still look the same?
- I'm great, thanks for asking.
I actually stopped
teaching Latin
so I can focus on
writing novels full-time.
- That is very cool.
- Wow.
- My debut mystery thriller,
"The Cicero Paradox,"
has now spent ten weeks
on "The New York Times"
Bestsellers list.
It's about an ex-Latin professor
named James Trowell
who travels the world solving
religious mysteries,
puzzles, and ciphers,
but no codes.
- I'll check that out the minute
I finish this tweet I'm reading.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
God, I'm so embarrassed.
- What, you fart?
You can do it on the subway.
It's allowed.
- No, that.
Didn't know
that was gonna be there.
- Oh, my God!
You looking good.
- Thank you.
- Dude, your eyes
are hella blue.
Did they make them
more blue in post?
- No, I don't understand,
but that was actually
a black-and-white photograph
and my eyes were so blue
that it just came out that way.
- So how are things with Lucy?
- Not great.
We broke up.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
She was nice,
and she had a great rack.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
I think about her a lot.
- So anyway, in the ensuing
depression, I went to Rome.
Was gonna blow my brains out
in the middle of the Coliseum.
At the very last second,
I had an epiphany,
decided to write this book and,
as they say in Latin,
ad astra per aspera.
"A rough road
leads to the stars."
- That is beautiful.
- I don't understand.
- What about you?
Are you seeing anyone?
- I am, actually.
His name is Ben
and he works as a...
We work at the hospital
together.
- Yeah, and, also,
he's a friggin' hottie.
I'm talking ssssss!
- Well, he sounds great.
I'm really happy for you.
- Thank you.
- You know what?
My editor's throwing
a book party tonight.
Why don't you and Ben
and everyone come by,
if you're free.
- I'm sorry, am I "everyone"?
- Yeah.
It's a pretty good guest list.
Salman Rushdie just RSVP'd.
- Whoa.
Salman Rushdie.
Isn't there a financial reward
for whoever turns him...
You know what?
Never mind.
Sounds great.
- Great.
- We're there.
- Thanks, great to see you.
- See you later, bye... Oh.
We hugged.
- We already hugged.
Yeah, I got it.
- Hey, Morgan,
get me the information
for the Ayatollah.
- Okay.
Oh, my God!
- I can't... It's so exciting!
It's really exciting.
- Pfffft!
- Everyone!
Everyone, gather around...
We have huge news.
- Oh, did the earring
you swallowed come out?
Got invited to a book party!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- My ex Jamie wrote
a hella fancy book.
It's called
"The Sicily Parachute."
- Whoa! You mean
"The Cicero Paradox."
"Time Out London" called it
"a spine-tingling journey
through the language
of our past."
- Ugh, that book
sounds hella white.
And I read all of Updike.
More like,
"Rabbit Run" out of ideas.
- I'm gonna come dressed
as Signore Sinistro,
the evil cardinal
with a milky right eye.
Yeah, I've already
got the red cape.
- Oh, Anna, do you want to come?
You can.
- Oh, I'm actually
already going.
I'm friends with Janet Maslin.
Book critic
for "The New York Times."
It's hard to name drop
around here.
- Anyway, I think Ben
is gonna have a great time.
He loves reading.
Nerd.
- Dr. L, you can't
take your new boyfriend
to your old boyfriend's party.
- What, why?
- Because Jamie's being feted
by the publishing elite,
and basic-ass Ben
is gonna be uncomfortable.
It'll be like when I took
Ray Ron to my ex's inauguration.
It wasn't cute.
- Ben isn't the kind of guy
who's threatened by
that kind of stuff.
Also, he does not care
what people think.
He wears a free T-shirt
from the bank.
Buona notte.
Has anyone seen
my poison candelabra?
- Whoa!
Hey!
Dude, come on!
- Dude, come on!
- Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
- Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
Could you please
clean it up, Morgan?
- You should do that.
- Of course I'm going to.
It was re-he-torical.
- The ancient riddle itself
had befuddled Classics
scholars for centuries,
and now James had to solve it
while being chased by a gang
of Albanian mercenaries.
"A cat and a comb," he pondered,
his brow furrowed intelligently.
"A cat and a comb,
a cat and a comb.
It doesn't make any sense."
- You can do it, James!
- "To the catacombs."
- End... of... chapter.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- This is a bestseller?
- Hey, what did you
think of the book?
- It's not bad.
Probably could use
some fact-checking, though.
I'm pretty sure you
can't have a canal chase
from Venice to Rome.
- Oh, no, there's
canals all over Spain.
Okay, I'm just gonna
tousle your hair
so I can introduce you to Jamie.
- Okay.
- 'Kay, there.
- Good?
- You look good, yeah, let's go.
- All right.
- Wow. Gillian Flynn.
I am such a fan.
You should read
my fan fiction for "Gone Girl."
In my version,
Amy fakes her own kidnapping
to frame Nick.
- That is exactly
what happens in my book.
- You know, I think I kind of
captured the characters a little
bit better than you did.
You gotta read it.
I'll send it to you.
Just give me your email.
Wait, wait,
what's Ben Affleck like?
My husband tells me
I should make small talk
with work colleagues.
Would you like to
join me in that?
- Um, okay.
Sure.
- Must be nice dating a nurse.
My husband never
has time to go to parties.
He's so busy running his hedge
fund that when he comes home
all we have time to do
is have passionate sex.
Then he goes to bed
and I weigh my food
for the next day.
- Ben sure does
have a lot of free time.
- What's important
is that you're fine
with who Ben is.
Okay.
That feels sufficient.
I'm going to go
talk to Graydon Carter.
Editor of "Vanity Fair."
Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry,
I ju... Okay.
Jamie, I'm such a big fan.
- Oh, thank you.
- Uh, you probably know me
on the message boards
as "TrowellSlut."
I came up with the theory
that you based
your main character on yourself.
- You know, a lot
of people think that,
but we're actually
quite different.
For example,
James is right-handed,
whereas I am ambidextrous.
- Well, that really
resonates with me,
because I am neither-handed.
And it was very difficult
growing up.
- And look at you now.
Carpe that diem.
Morg... don't.
You don't want to do that, dude.
It's okay.
- Nice to talk to you.
- He's a big fan.
- So, Ben, Mindy tells me
that you are a doctor.
I think that's really admirable.
- Uh, no, actually I'm a nurse.
- Oh, I...
I'm so sorry, she said
you worked together
at the hospital
and I just... made that leap.
Nurse is a great profession
as well.
- Yeah.
- In fact,
I'm actually having
my main character
sleep with a nurse
in my follow-up novel,
"The Cato Codex."
Where in a hospital
would be a good place
for that to happen?
- A room where no one else is?
- "A room
where no one else is."
I like that.
I like that specificity.
- Happy to help.
- Wait, so you're both nurses?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, that's my day job.
I also have
a sketch show on IFC.
- Oh.
- I can't believe
I am meeting Cameron Winters
from "The Today Show."
- Oh, my God,
you're the guy Carson Daly
and Willie Geist hate
because you're so good looking.
- Well, thank you,
but that's not true.
They hate me
because I come from money.
Me too!
High five!
- Yeah.
Hey, you know,
we're looking for
a nurse for our show.
We are doing
a flu season segment,
but we had to fire
our regular on-air nurse.
She crossed a line with Hoda.
- Oh.
Yo, listen, Cameron,
I could totally be your nurse.
I already have TV experience.
- Oh.
- I was featured
on "Sports Center"
when I fell of the second deck
at a Braves' game.
- She fell right on
top of Hank Aaron.
Pfft!
- What about you?
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Hell no.
I don't want my first Emmy
to be a daytime one.
- Ha.
- Eew!
- Who wants that?
♪♪
- Hey, guys.
Wasn't that party so much fun?
It made me
almost want to read a book.
- I'm kind of regretting
that I went to that party,
'cause now Cameron Winters
won't stop texting me
to be on "The Today Show."
And I would,
but I don't respond to thirst.
- Is it to model
fall fashions for every shape?
Why didn't he ask me?
I'm every shape.
- No-no-no-no-no-no-no.
They need a new on-air nurse.
- Oh, my God.
You know who should do it?
Ben.
He oozes charisma.
And he performs
very well on camera.
- Ooh.
- Hidden camera.
Thank you, Tamra.
- This is Cameron,
reporting from New York.
- Oh, my God, is this
the Cameron Winters?
I didn't know
I'd get you directly.
- Very funny, Savannah.
Stop bullying me, okay?
I'm documenting all of this.
- Oh... this isn't
Savannah Guthrie.
This is Dr. Mindy Lahiri.
I met you at the book party
last night.
- Oh, right, yeah,
you were the one
who was in the bathroom
for an hour.
- Uh, the reason I'm calling
is because
I heard you need
a new on-air nurse.
I have the perfect guy.
His name is Ben.
Women want to sleep with him;
men want to be him;
and men want to sleep with
his hot girlfriend.
- Well, I do need
someone right away.
Text me a photo of him.
- Okay, um...
There.
- Okay, now send me
one of his face.
- Oh.
Well, I don't know
if I have one.
Two weeks ago.
Month ago.
Oh.
There.
He's perfect.
Largely because
I have no other options.
We'll shoot at St. Brendan's.
He needs to be there
by 4:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
Cameron, this is so exciting.
You will not regret this.
Okay, great.
- Bye.
See you tomorrow.
He's really in a jam.
He seems like
the coolest person.
- I don't know,
what do you think?
- I don't know, Mindy.
I don't really want to be on TV.
Sorry, I thought you just said
you didn't want to be on TV.
- That's exactly what I said.
- What's the matter with you?
Are you out of
your goddamn mind?
- What's the matter with you?
- This is the opportunity
of a lifetime.
I am so sorry,
I shouldn't have hit you,
but you shouldn't
say hurtful things.
Wait.
Is there a warrant
out for your arrest?
No one will notice.
All white guys look the same.
- Look, I love that
you did this for me,
I do, but it's not my thing.
I'm not flashy.
My only suit is from Costco.
- It's just...
You're such a good nurse
and you're so good with
your patients, I...
I want other people to see that.
- You really want me to do this?
Okay, fine, I'll do it for you.
But you have to
do something for me.
- Bring another woman
into our bedroom?
Sure.
- I was actually just gonna ask
if you'd come with me tomorrow.
But we can explore your thing.
- So, Cameron, these are
really the three items that
you need to keep in your house
to stay healthy this winter.
- That's great, Nurse Ben.
And what about for the kids?
Do you have a fun rhyme
to help them stay flu-free?
- A rhyme?
Nope, just wash your hands
and don't cough on people,
dum-dums.
- Ha.
Hard to get simpler than that.
Now back to the studio
where Savannah's
gonna give us the lowdown
on winter's hottest cold soups.
- And we're clear.
- Nice job.
You're a natural.
- I appreciate it.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- You were amazing!
- Yeah?
- I cough on people all the
time; now I'll never do it.
- This was pretty fun.
- You know what?
We should celebrate.
Let's go to the Guggenheim.
Let's get some champagne.
Let's have sex in the bathroom.
- Baby, it's 7:15
in the morning.
I have to do my real job now.
- Oh.
That's right.
Forget it, plus,
the Guggenheim bathrooms
aren't even open till 10:00.
I don't know why I know that.
I'm not gonna ask.
- See you, babe.
- Bye. You were great.
- Thank you.
- You were great!
Hey, everyone,
stop everything you're doing.
You have to see this.
- Ooh.
- It is pretty cool.
Oh, my God.
- Hey.
- It's your dream.
You're dating a meme.
- Yeah!
And after you got so close
with "Damn, Daniel."
- I know.
I'm just so proud of Ben.
It's like I'm a stage mom,
but I can sex with the kid.
- Ben's segment was okay,
but who gets on TV
and misses a chance like that
to yell "Bababooie!"
- That would be epic!
- Was it someone's birthday?
My husband tells me
at office gatherings I should
accept a slice of cake as
though I were going to eat it.
- Well,
speaking of significant others,
my boyfriend is America's
newest, hottest TV star.
- Ooh!
Everyone's really impressed.
What do you think, Anna?
- Tim and I own
a five-story townhouse
in Notting Hill that sits empty.
- Well, since we're
dishing about men we love,
Jamie and I
are officially best friends.
Do you guys know Jamie?
- Of course, he's the author
that invited us
to the book launch.
- Anyways, we went for coffee,
which turned into
a full-on chill sesh,
which turned into a full-on
bitch sesh,
which turned into
a full-on pitch sesh.
Went to the batting cages... Ah!
Long story short, he is basing
a sign-language monkey
on me in his next book.
I get killed by a dart
in page one.
Oh.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It's from Jamie.
"Morgan,
you're out of the book."
- Hey...
- It's quite a journey.
- Oh, my God.
I am still buzzing.
Everybody at work
cannot stop talking
about how great you were.
Tamra said that she would
consider sleeping with you.
Do you realize how huge that is?
Ben?
- Hm?
- Ben!
- Mm.
- Hey, man, you got to wake up.
The only reason I got
a reservation to this place
is because I said
I was with a celebrity.
- Sorry.
- You know what? In fact,
take a picture of me
so I can post it.
Get my Coke in the shot.
- Right.
- Just my shirt.
- Gorgeous.
- Thank you.
Eat your heart out,
Selena Gomez.
Sorry.
I'm exhausted.
I've been up since 3:00 a.m.
Pediatrics was crazy today.
Apparently,
the raw bar at Spence
wasn't properly refrigerated.
- Well, I have some news
that's gonna cheer you up.
Cameron called.
He wants you to come back
on "The Today Show" tomorrow
to do, I think,
a segment on moisturizing.
- Babe, I...
I don't think
I want to do another segment.
I mean, part of me thinks
if you're getting
your medical information
from a television show,
you deserve to die.
- No, no, I already told
him that you would do it,
and I cannot be blackballed
from another morning show.
I burped so much
in the audience of "Dr. Oz",
they had to throw
the episode out.
- Well, Lindsay and her friends
did think it was pretty cool
that I was on TV.
All right, I guess I can
do one more episode.
- I'm so happy!
You are so cool.
It's making me look cooler.
- Mindy?
Hey.
What's up?
- Casey.
Hi.
What a nice surprise.
Casey, this is Ben.
Ben, this is Casey.
Casey and I were engaged,
and we used to
live together in Haiti.
- Huh.
- Yes, yes to all that.
And then we got back together
and then she left me
for my best friend,
and I still haven't gotten
the apology for that, babe.
- Casey actually
runs the shoe company
that makes those sneakers
that I gave you.
- Oh.
Right.
Yeah, I can't wear them
to work because
there's a naked lady on them,
but they're super comfortable.
- Yeah, that's tight.
Where do you work, man?
- I'm a...
- He's a television personality.
- Oh.
- He gives life-saving tips
over America's breakfast table.
- That's tight, man,
I'm gonna have to check that out
over my morning acai bowl.
- Ooh.
- What?
- I got a health guru.
Got me on the superfood tip,
so feel real healthy.
I'ma get back to my table.
- Okay.
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
- Later, buddy.
- Wasn't he interesting?
He was so impressed.
And Casey is a huge
mover and shaker.
- Super.
- He knows Kanye West.
So... that's awesome.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
How is this my fault?
I'll ask her again, fine.
Hi.
Uh, where's Ben?
We're live in ten minutes.
If I mess up another segment,
I'll get fired.
I dropped a pumpkin pie
on Al Roker.
- Okay, listen,
Cameron, do not worry.
I'm gonna get him.
- Yeah?
- You have to chill.
- I'm chill.
- I'm gonna call him right now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Don't worry.
Ben, it's Mindy.
Where are you?
This is the seventh message
that I have left you.
You better have died.
- Hey.
What's up with the news crew?
Did you mix up two babies again?
- No, wait,
what are you doing here?
- I wasn't sleeping here.
All right, fine, I slept here.
Colette brought a girl home,
and she put a shin guard
on the doorknob.
What... what's going on?
What's wrong?
- What's wrong is that
we are going
freakin' live
on "The Today Show",
and I can't find Ben.
- Oh, you can't do the segment?
- No, I need a nurse.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Morgan, let's get you
into hair and makeup.
- So, Nurse Morgan,
can you tell us the best way
to stay moisturized
these cold winter months?
Nurse Morgan?
Nurse Morgan?
- What?
- Yeah.
- What'd you say?
- Mm... I...
Can you tell us the best way
to stay moisturized
these cold winter months?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All you do,
you grab your lotion.
- Okay.
- Hopefully one that's
got some advanced therapy in it.
And you just want to
kind of just
load it on right there.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
Really slather because...
- Is that a little too much?
- No, there's no such thing.
- Okay.
- Your skin is your most
important part of your body.
Also, your big...
- Oh!
Jesus!
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
- I got... no, no, no,
keep rolling.
Keep rolling.
Oh...
- Hey, man,
this is really uncool.
You better call me back.
You ditched this morning.
Morgan broke an $8,000 camera,
and I've been banned
from "The Today Show,"
just after they lifted
the last ban.
Call me back.
- He goes down so hard.
- Oh.
- Yo, Morgan, you're trending
more than Ben, man.
Everyone's calling you
Nurse Moron.
- Yeah, I know, 'cause they want
me to be "more on" the show.
- No.
- Look at...
- Good on you, Morgan,
for contributing to
the rapid descent
of straight, white men
in our society.
- That's right, it's our turn.
- Hoo-ah... yes.
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah... oh!
God, no matter how many times
I watch it,
I still can't remember
it happening.
So good.
So good.
- Oh, yeah!
The man of the hour!
Thank you for not
showing up this morning,
because I don't know
if you heard,
but I am America's
hot new thing.
Move over, computers.
- Right?
- To celebrate, we're gonna have
a real Hollywood party
at our place.
- Glitz and glamour.
Yeah... hey-oh.
- I'm gonna mix
wine and ginger ale
to make champagne.
- Ooh.
- What?
- That sounds... great.
Hey, have you guys seen Mindy?
I really need to talk to her.
- She went to
go buy a new dress because
she says everything she owns
is too nice for our apartment.
- So she's going to the party?
- Yeah, she didn't
tell you about it?
- She did.
Of course, she did.
- You're gonna go?
- Yeah. Wouldn't miss it.
- Can you please bring napkins?
And...
I don't know,
like 9 pounds of shrimp?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, please bring shrimp?
Please?
Please, please, please?
- Please bring shrimp.
- Please, please, please.
Please, please, please, please?
- I'm gonna bring the napkins.
- Okay.
- I'll see you there though.
- See you, buddy.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I can't.
- Come on, Morgan.
I believe in you.
- I... let me see...
It's kind of like a...
It's one of these.
- You got it.
- You know what it is?
I had more lotion on
the other day.
This one, I think we're ready.
- Come on, Morgan!
We want to see you
be Nurse Moron like on TV.
- I'm trying, okay?
I'm not like a trained monkey
that can just do stuff...
Forget it, I'm out of here.
Oh!
- Jesus!
- Oh! My salsa!
I cut off my fingertip
chopping the cilantro.
All: Oh.
- Hey, don't look at me
like that, Charlemagne.
The drinks
at this party are small.
You have to have a lot of them.
Leave me alone.
- There's nothing sadder than
a beautiful girl
who can't find glassware.
- Oh.
Hey.
Can I ask a question?
23 capfuls
is like how many drinks?
- Um, I don't know, let me
try to catch up.
What should we drink to?
- I don't know, man.
Boyfriends who ghost on you.
Break-ups that you don't
even understand.
Spilling on the ground.
How about to chance encounters
on the subway, with old friends?
- Whoa.
What happened?
Oh, us.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Cheers.
- I bet you like,
like kids are gonna start
kind of doing the... you know,
do the Morgan.
Do the Morgan.
Oh, my God, what if Weird Al
does a song parody?
Oh... sorry.
Yeah!
What's up, man?
- How are ya?
- Oh, yeah.
Come on in.
Let's see what
you're working with.
Come on, do a little spin.
- Oh, this old thing?
- Little more.
Jesus, you got a great body.
- Uh, don't say that.
- You wear clothes good.
- Hey.
Got you napkins.
- Oh.
- No one brought shrimp.
- Sorry about that.
- Wish you could eat napkins.
But you can't!
Come on, meet some peeps.
- Oh, okay.
- How'd you come up with
the Sistine Chapel?
- It's actually
based on a real place.
- Hey, will you say
something to me in Latin?
- Yeah, um...
Pedicabo ego vos in nocte.
- Wow.
That was cool.
That sounded like
a Harry Potter spell.
What does it mean?
- It means you
have the most beautiful eyes
I have ever seen.
- And he told me to shut up...
- Mm, mm.
- 'Cause I was talking so loud,
he's like, "Shut up!" you know.
And this is his girlfriend.
And, uh, you know,
I remembered I got his number
because we kind of
got into it a little bit.
Pamela?
I don't know.
But, uh, she's pretty cool.
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Ben?
Ben, just wait, wait.
- Hey!
Who let this guy in here?
Come on, man, where you been,
best friend?
Ahh.
- Hey.
- I got news for you, brother.
This party sucks.
Let's get out of here.
- Ben.
Ben!
Stop!
Stop. I didn't mean
to do that, okay?
I was just really drunk.
- Oh, you were drunk?
That makes it okay then.
I guess I'll just go
pound some beers
and bang some random skank
in a bathroom stall.
- Okay, this
escalated very quickly.
- Yeah, it escalated.
We have one small fight
and... and I find you
kissing some crappy
mystery writer.
- First of all,
he writes historo-thrillers.
- They suck.
- Second of all,
it wasn't a little fight.
I haven't heard
from you in two days.
- How many times
did I have to tell you?
I didn't want to do
that stupid show.
And how come every time
you introduce me to people
you never tell them
that I'm a nurse?
- That's not true.
I tell people all the time.
- No, you don't.
- Well, I don't want to sit here
and argue with you about that.
- Mindy?
- Oh, damn it.
- How you doing?
- Not great, Josh.
I'm having a huge fight
with my boyfriend.
- Hi, I'm Josh.
Mindy and I used to date.
But I don't remember most of it.
I was super high the whole time.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Josh, this is Ben.
Ben, this is Josh.
Ben is a nurse,
which, apparently,
is as important
as being the President.
- Wait a minute.
Did we just see you
on "The Today Show"?
- Yeah, wash your hands and...
both: "Don't cough on people,
dum-dums."
- Yeah, we love that.
- Yeah, that's me.
- See?
They loved it.
- I don't care!
- Well.
Cool, seems like
I've walked into
the middle of something here,
and me and Brianna
just had our own fight
about fidelity issues,
so we're gonna head out.
Nice to meet you, Nurse Ben.
Uh, Mindy, as always, it was
awkward and confusing
to see you.
So, okay.
Bye.
- Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
- Bye.
- Oh, my God, how many
men in this city have you dated?
- Kind of a lot, I guess.
And I guess it depends on
your definition of dating
and men.
Look, I am sorry
that I pushed that show on you.
I was just trying to do
something nice for you, okay?
I was trying to help you.
- I don't need your help.
I'm perfectly fine
with who I am,
but you keep trying
to make me into something
that you think
your boyfriend needs to be.
Something I'm not.
- But you could be!
- All this time
you've been wondering
if I'm good enough for you, huh?
But you know what, Mindy?
I don't think
you're good enough for me.
♪ I'ma be your love
when the fire burn ♪
♪ When the blessed turn
I'ma be your love ♪
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
♪ Oh, I'ma be your love ♪
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
♪ Love, love ♪
♪ Love,
love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ Love, love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
but I'm actually dating a real,
honest-to-goodness normo.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm dreaming...
because most of the guys
have been awful.
- Okay.
You're real.
- What about the guy
that hated your son?
Ooh, one-night stand
that cleaned out
your medicine cabinet.
- Ah, ah.
We only talk about
the good ones.
- Those were the good ones.
- Look, the point is,
I'm with Ben now,
so I don't have to think about
these weirdos and losers
ever again.
- That's true.
- "Weirdos and losers"?
Which one am I?
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
- Hi, Jamie.
- Hi.
- You know, I never thought
you were a weirdo, so you
must be one of the losers.
- No.
- Welcome to the club,
my brothah.
- Yes...
- No, you're not a loser.
Hey, you don't have to hug him,
it's okay.
Hey, stop!
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, my God, Jamie, Jamie.
- Help.
♪♪
- It's just been
such a long time.
Isn't it weird
that I still look the same?
- I'm great, thanks for asking.
I actually stopped
teaching Latin
so I can focus on
writing novels full-time.
- That is very cool.
- Wow.
- My debut mystery thriller,
"The Cicero Paradox,"
has now spent ten weeks
on "The New York Times"
Bestsellers list.
It's about an ex-Latin professor
named James Trowell
who travels the world solving
religious mysteries,
puzzles, and ciphers,
but no codes.
- I'll check that out the minute
I finish this tweet I'm reading.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
God, I'm so embarrassed.
- What, you fart?
You can do it on the subway.
It's allowed.
- No, that.
Didn't know
that was gonna be there.
- Oh, my God!
You looking good.
- Thank you.
- Dude, your eyes
are hella blue.
Did they make them
more blue in post?
- No, I don't understand,
but that was actually
a black-and-white photograph
and my eyes were so blue
that it just came out that way.
- So how are things with Lucy?
- Not great.
We broke up.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
She was nice,
and she had a great rack.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
I think about her a lot.
- So anyway, in the ensuing
depression, I went to Rome.
Was gonna blow my brains out
in the middle of the Coliseum.
At the very last second,
I had an epiphany,
decided to write this book and,
as they say in Latin,
ad astra per aspera.
"A rough road
leads to the stars."
- That is beautiful.
- I don't understand.
- What about you?
Are you seeing anyone?
- I am, actually.
His name is Ben
and he works as a...
We work at the hospital
together.
- Yeah, and, also,
he's a friggin' hottie.
I'm talking ssssss!
- Well, he sounds great.
I'm really happy for you.
- Thank you.
- You know what?
My editor's throwing
a book party tonight.
Why don't you and Ben
and everyone come by,
if you're free.
- I'm sorry, am I "everyone"?
- Yeah.
It's a pretty good guest list.
Salman Rushdie just RSVP'd.
- Whoa.
Salman Rushdie.
Isn't there a financial reward
for whoever turns him...
You know what?
Never mind.
Sounds great.
- Great.
- We're there.
- Thanks, great to see you.
- See you later, bye... Oh.
We hugged.
- We already hugged.
Yeah, I got it.
- Hey, Morgan,
get me the information
for the Ayatollah.
- Okay.
Oh, my God!
- I can't... It's so exciting!
It's really exciting.
- Pfffft!
- Everyone!
Everyone, gather around...
We have huge news.
- Oh, did the earring
you swallowed come out?
Got invited to a book party!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- My ex Jamie wrote
a hella fancy book.
It's called
"The Sicily Parachute."
- Whoa! You mean
"The Cicero Paradox."
"Time Out London" called it
"a spine-tingling journey
through the language
of our past."
- Ugh, that book
sounds hella white.
And I read all of Updike.
More like,
"Rabbit Run" out of ideas.
- I'm gonna come dressed
as Signore Sinistro,
the evil cardinal
with a milky right eye.
Yeah, I've already
got the red cape.
- Oh, Anna, do you want to come?
You can.
- Oh, I'm actually
already going.
I'm friends with Janet Maslin.
Book critic
for "The New York Times."
It's hard to name drop
around here.
- Anyway, I think Ben
is gonna have a great time.
He loves reading.
Nerd.
- Dr. L, you can't
take your new boyfriend
to your old boyfriend's party.
- What, why?
- Because Jamie's being feted
by the publishing elite,
and basic-ass Ben
is gonna be uncomfortable.
It'll be like when I took
Ray Ron to my ex's inauguration.
It wasn't cute.
- Ben isn't the kind of guy
who's threatened by
that kind of stuff.
Also, he does not care
what people think.
He wears a free T-shirt
from the bank.
Buona notte.
Has anyone seen
my poison candelabra?
- Whoa!
Hey!
Dude, come on!
- Dude, come on!
- Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
- Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
Could you please
clean it up, Morgan?
- You should do that.
- Of course I'm going to.
It was re-he-torical.
- The ancient riddle itself
had befuddled Classics
scholars for centuries,
and now James had to solve it
while being chased by a gang
of Albanian mercenaries.
"A cat and a comb," he pondered,
his brow furrowed intelligently.
"A cat and a comb,
a cat and a comb.
It doesn't make any sense."
- You can do it, James!
- "To the catacombs."
- End... of... chapter.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- This is a bestseller?
- Hey, what did you
think of the book?
- It's not bad.
Probably could use
some fact-checking, though.
I'm pretty sure you
can't have a canal chase
from Venice to Rome.
- Oh, no, there's
canals all over Spain.
Okay, I'm just gonna
tousle your hair
so I can introduce you to Jamie.
- Okay.
- 'Kay, there.
- Good?
- You look good, yeah, let's go.
- All right.
- Wow. Gillian Flynn.
I am such a fan.
You should read
my fan fiction for "Gone Girl."
In my version,
Amy fakes her own kidnapping
to frame Nick.
- That is exactly
what happens in my book.
- You know, I think I kind of
captured the characters a little
bit better than you did.
You gotta read it.
I'll send it to you.
Just give me your email.
Wait, wait,
what's Ben Affleck like?
My husband tells me
I should make small talk
with work colleagues.
Would you like to
join me in that?
- Um, okay.
Sure.
- Must be nice dating a nurse.
My husband never
has time to go to parties.
He's so busy running his hedge
fund that when he comes home
all we have time to do
is have passionate sex.
Then he goes to bed
and I weigh my food
for the next day.
- Ben sure does
have a lot of free time.
- What's important
is that you're fine
with who Ben is.
Okay.
That feels sufficient.
I'm going to go
talk to Graydon Carter.
Editor of "Vanity Fair."
Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry,
I ju... Okay.
Jamie, I'm such a big fan.
- Oh, thank you.
- Uh, you probably know me
on the message boards
as "TrowellSlut."
I came up with the theory
that you based
your main character on yourself.
- You know, a lot
of people think that,
but we're actually
quite different.
For example,
James is right-handed,
whereas I am ambidextrous.
- Well, that really
resonates with me,
because I am neither-handed.
And it was very difficult
growing up.
- And look at you now.
Carpe that diem.
Morg... don't.
You don't want to do that, dude.
It's okay.
- Nice to talk to you.
- He's a big fan.
- So, Ben, Mindy tells me
that you are a doctor.
I think that's really admirable.
- Uh, no, actually I'm a nurse.
- Oh, I...
I'm so sorry, she said
you worked together
at the hospital
and I just... made that leap.
Nurse is a great profession
as well.
- Yeah.
- In fact,
I'm actually having
my main character
sleep with a nurse
in my follow-up novel,
"The Cato Codex."
Where in a hospital
would be a good place
for that to happen?
- A room where no one else is?
- "A room
where no one else is."
I like that.
I like that specificity.
- Happy to help.
- Wait, so you're both nurses?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, that's my day job.
I also have
a sketch show on IFC.
- Oh.
- I can't believe
I am meeting Cameron Winters
from "The Today Show."
- Oh, my God,
you're the guy Carson Daly
and Willie Geist hate
because you're so good looking.
- Well, thank you,
but that's not true.
They hate me
because I come from money.
Me too!
High five!
- Yeah.
Hey, you know,
we're looking for
a nurse for our show.
We are doing
a flu season segment,
but we had to fire
our regular on-air nurse.
She crossed a line with Hoda.
- Oh.
Yo, listen, Cameron,
I could totally be your nurse.
I already have TV experience.
- Oh.
- I was featured
on "Sports Center"
when I fell of the second deck
at a Braves' game.
- She fell right on
top of Hank Aaron.
Pfft!
- What about you?
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Hell no.
I don't want my first Emmy
to be a daytime one.
- Ha.
- Eew!
- Who wants that?
♪♪
- Hey, guys.
Wasn't that party so much fun?
It made me
almost want to read a book.
- I'm kind of regretting
that I went to that party,
'cause now Cameron Winters
won't stop texting me
to be on "The Today Show."
And I would,
but I don't respond to thirst.
- Is it to model
fall fashions for every shape?
Why didn't he ask me?
I'm every shape.
- No-no-no-no-no-no-no.
They need a new on-air nurse.
- Oh, my God.
You know who should do it?
Ben.
He oozes charisma.
And he performs
very well on camera.
- Ooh.
- Hidden camera.
Thank you, Tamra.
- This is Cameron,
reporting from New York.
- Oh, my God, is this
the Cameron Winters?
I didn't know
I'd get you directly.
- Very funny, Savannah.
Stop bullying me, okay?
I'm documenting all of this.
- Oh... this isn't
Savannah Guthrie.
This is Dr. Mindy Lahiri.
I met you at the book party
last night.
- Oh, right, yeah,
you were the one
who was in the bathroom
for an hour.
- Uh, the reason I'm calling
is because
I heard you need
a new on-air nurse.
I have the perfect guy.
His name is Ben.
Women want to sleep with him;
men want to be him;
and men want to sleep with
his hot girlfriend.
- Well, I do need
someone right away.
Text me a photo of him.
- Okay, um...
There.
- Okay, now send me
one of his face.
- Oh.
Well, I don't know
if I have one.
Two weeks ago.
Month ago.
Oh.
There.
He's perfect.
Largely because
I have no other options.
We'll shoot at St. Brendan's.
He needs to be there
by 4:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
Cameron, this is so exciting.
You will not regret this.
Okay, great.
- Bye.
See you tomorrow.
He's really in a jam.
He seems like
the coolest person.
- I don't know,
what do you think?
- I don't know, Mindy.
I don't really want to be on TV.
Sorry, I thought you just said
you didn't want to be on TV.
- That's exactly what I said.
- What's the matter with you?
Are you out of
your goddamn mind?
- What's the matter with you?
- This is the opportunity
of a lifetime.
I am so sorry,
I shouldn't have hit you,
but you shouldn't
say hurtful things.
Wait.
Is there a warrant
out for your arrest?
No one will notice.
All white guys look the same.
- Look, I love that
you did this for me,
I do, but it's not my thing.
I'm not flashy.
My only suit is from Costco.
- It's just...
You're such a good nurse
and you're so good with
your patients, I...
I want other people to see that.
- You really want me to do this?
Okay, fine, I'll do it for you.
But you have to
do something for me.
- Bring another woman
into our bedroom?
Sure.
- I was actually just gonna ask
if you'd come with me tomorrow.
But we can explore your thing.
- So, Cameron, these are
really the three items that
you need to keep in your house
to stay healthy this winter.
- That's great, Nurse Ben.
And what about for the kids?
Do you have a fun rhyme
to help them stay flu-free?
- A rhyme?
Nope, just wash your hands
and don't cough on people,
dum-dums.
- Ha.
Hard to get simpler than that.
Now back to the studio
where Savannah's
gonna give us the lowdown
on winter's hottest cold soups.
- And we're clear.
- Nice job.
You're a natural.
- I appreciate it.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- You were amazing!
- Yeah?
- I cough on people all the
time; now I'll never do it.
- This was pretty fun.
- You know what?
We should celebrate.
Let's go to the Guggenheim.
Let's get some champagne.
Let's have sex in the bathroom.
- Baby, it's 7:15
in the morning.
I have to do my real job now.
- Oh.
That's right.
Forget it, plus,
the Guggenheim bathrooms
aren't even open till 10:00.
I don't know why I know that.
I'm not gonna ask.
- See you, babe.
- Bye. You were great.
- Thank you.
- You were great!
Hey, everyone,
stop everything you're doing.
You have to see this.
- Ooh.
- It is pretty cool.
Oh, my God.
- Hey.
- It's your dream.
You're dating a meme.
- Yeah!
And after you got so close
with "Damn, Daniel."
- I know.
I'm just so proud of Ben.
It's like I'm a stage mom,
but I can sex with the kid.
- Ben's segment was okay,
but who gets on TV
and misses a chance like that
to yell "Bababooie!"
- That would be epic!
- Was it someone's birthday?
My husband tells me
at office gatherings I should
accept a slice of cake as
though I were going to eat it.
- Well,
speaking of significant others,
my boyfriend is America's
newest, hottest TV star.
- Ooh!
Everyone's really impressed.
What do you think, Anna?
- Tim and I own
a five-story townhouse
in Notting Hill that sits empty.
- Well, since we're
dishing about men we love,
Jamie and I
are officially best friends.
Do you guys know Jamie?
- Of course, he's the author
that invited us
to the book launch.
- Anyways, we went for coffee,
which turned into
a full-on chill sesh,
which turned into a full-on
bitch sesh,
which turned into
a full-on pitch sesh.
Went to the batting cages... Ah!
Long story short, he is basing
a sign-language monkey
on me in his next book.
I get killed by a dart
in page one.
Oh.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It's from Jamie.
"Morgan,
you're out of the book."
- Hey...
- It's quite a journey.
- Oh, my God.
I am still buzzing.
Everybody at work
cannot stop talking
about how great you were.
Tamra said that she would
consider sleeping with you.
Do you realize how huge that is?
Ben?
- Hm?
- Ben!
- Mm.
- Hey, man, you got to wake up.
The only reason I got
a reservation to this place
is because I said
I was with a celebrity.
- Sorry.
- You know what? In fact,
take a picture of me
so I can post it.
Get my Coke in the shot.
- Right.
- Just my shirt.
- Gorgeous.
- Thank you.
Eat your heart out,
Selena Gomez.
Sorry.
I'm exhausted.
I've been up since 3:00 a.m.
Pediatrics was crazy today.
Apparently,
the raw bar at Spence
wasn't properly refrigerated.
- Well, I have some news
that's gonna cheer you up.
Cameron called.
He wants you to come back
on "The Today Show" tomorrow
to do, I think,
a segment on moisturizing.
- Babe, I...
I don't think
I want to do another segment.
I mean, part of me thinks
if you're getting
your medical information
from a television show,
you deserve to die.
- No, no, I already told
him that you would do it,
and I cannot be blackballed
from another morning show.
I burped so much
in the audience of "Dr. Oz",
they had to throw
the episode out.
- Well, Lindsay and her friends
did think it was pretty cool
that I was on TV.
All right, I guess I can
do one more episode.
- I'm so happy!
You are so cool.
It's making me look cooler.
- Mindy?
Hey.
What's up?
- Casey.
Hi.
What a nice surprise.
Casey, this is Ben.
Ben, this is Casey.
Casey and I were engaged,
and we used to
live together in Haiti.
- Huh.
- Yes, yes to all that.
And then we got back together
and then she left me
for my best friend,
and I still haven't gotten
the apology for that, babe.
- Casey actually
runs the shoe company
that makes those sneakers
that I gave you.
- Oh.
Right.
Yeah, I can't wear them
to work because
there's a naked lady on them,
but they're super comfortable.
- Yeah, that's tight.
Where do you work, man?
- I'm a...
- He's a television personality.
- Oh.
- He gives life-saving tips
over America's breakfast table.
- That's tight, man,
I'm gonna have to check that out
over my morning acai bowl.
- Ooh.
- What?
- I got a health guru.
Got me on the superfood tip,
so feel real healthy.
I'ma get back to my table.
- Okay.
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
- Later, buddy.
- Wasn't he interesting?
He was so impressed.
And Casey is a huge
mover and shaker.
- Super.
- He knows Kanye West.
So... that's awesome.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
How is this my fault?
I'll ask her again, fine.
Hi.
Uh, where's Ben?
We're live in ten minutes.
If I mess up another segment,
I'll get fired.
I dropped a pumpkin pie
on Al Roker.
- Okay, listen,
Cameron, do not worry.
I'm gonna get him.
- Yeah?
- You have to chill.
- I'm chill.
- I'm gonna call him right now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Don't worry.
Ben, it's Mindy.
Where are you?
This is the seventh message
that I have left you.
You better have died.
- Hey.
What's up with the news crew?
Did you mix up two babies again?
- No, wait,
what are you doing here?
- I wasn't sleeping here.
All right, fine, I slept here.
Colette brought a girl home,
and she put a shin guard
on the doorknob.
What... what's going on?
What's wrong?
- What's wrong is that
we are going
freakin' live
on "The Today Show",
and I can't find Ben.
- Oh, you can't do the segment?
- No, I need a nurse.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Morgan, let's get you
into hair and makeup.
- So, Nurse Morgan,
can you tell us the best way
to stay moisturized
these cold winter months?
Nurse Morgan?
Nurse Morgan?
- What?
- Yeah.
- What'd you say?
- Mm... I...
Can you tell us the best way
to stay moisturized
these cold winter months?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All you do,
you grab your lotion.
- Okay.
- Hopefully one that's
got some advanced therapy in it.
And you just want to
kind of just
load it on right there.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
Really slather because...
- Is that a little too much?
- No, there's no such thing.
- Okay.
- Your skin is your most
important part of your body.
Also, your big...
- Oh!
Jesus!
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
- I got... no, no, no,
keep rolling.
Keep rolling.
Oh...
- Hey, man,
this is really uncool.
You better call me back.
You ditched this morning.
Morgan broke an $8,000 camera,
and I've been banned
from "The Today Show,"
just after they lifted
the last ban.
Call me back.
- He goes down so hard.
- Oh.
- Yo, Morgan, you're trending
more than Ben, man.
Everyone's calling you
Nurse Moron.
- Yeah, I know, 'cause they want
me to be "more on" the show.
- No.
- Look at...
- Good on you, Morgan,
for contributing to
the rapid descent
of straight, white men
in our society.
- That's right, it's our turn.
- Hoo-ah... yes.
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah... oh!
God, no matter how many times
I watch it,
I still can't remember
it happening.
So good.
So good.
- Oh, yeah!
The man of the hour!
Thank you for not
showing up this morning,
because I don't know
if you heard,
but I am America's
hot new thing.
Move over, computers.
- Right?
- To celebrate, we're gonna have
a real Hollywood party
at our place.
- Glitz and glamour.
Yeah... hey-oh.
- I'm gonna mix
wine and ginger ale
to make champagne.
- Ooh.
- What?
- That sounds... great.
Hey, have you guys seen Mindy?
I really need to talk to her.
- She went to
go buy a new dress because
she says everything she owns
is too nice for our apartment.
- So she's going to the party?
- Yeah, she didn't
tell you about it?
- She did.
Of course, she did.
- You're gonna go?
- Yeah. Wouldn't miss it.
- Can you please bring napkins?
And...
I don't know,
like 9 pounds of shrimp?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, please bring shrimp?
Please?
Please, please, please?
- Please bring shrimp.
- Please, please, please.
Please, please, please, please?
- I'm gonna bring the napkins.
- Okay.
- I'll see you there though.
- See you, buddy.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I can't.
- Come on, Morgan.
I believe in you.
- I... let me see...
It's kind of like a...
It's one of these.
- You got it.
- You know what it is?
I had more lotion on
the other day.
This one, I think we're ready.
- Come on, Morgan!
We want to see you
be Nurse Moron like on TV.
- I'm trying, okay?
I'm not like a trained monkey
that can just do stuff...
Forget it, I'm out of here.
Oh!
- Jesus!
- Oh! My salsa!
I cut off my fingertip
chopping the cilantro.
All: Oh.
- Hey, don't look at me
like that, Charlemagne.
The drinks
at this party are small.
You have to have a lot of them.
Leave me alone.
- There's nothing sadder than
a beautiful girl
who can't find glassware.
- Oh.
Hey.
Can I ask a question?
23 capfuls
is like how many drinks?
- Um, I don't know, let me
try to catch up.
What should we drink to?
- I don't know, man.
Boyfriends who ghost on you.
Break-ups that you don't
even understand.
Spilling on the ground.
How about to chance encounters
on the subway, with old friends?
- Whoa.
What happened?
Oh, us.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Cheers.
- I bet you like,
like kids are gonna start
kind of doing the... you know,
do the Morgan.
Do the Morgan.
Oh, my God, what if Weird Al
does a song parody?
Oh... sorry.
Yeah!
What's up, man?
- How are ya?
- Oh, yeah.
Come on in.
Let's see what
you're working with.
Come on, do a little spin.
- Oh, this old thing?
- Little more.
Jesus, you got a great body.
- Uh, don't say that.
- You wear clothes good.
- Hey.
Got you napkins.
- Oh.
- No one brought shrimp.
- Sorry about that.
- Wish you could eat napkins.
But you can't!
Come on, meet some peeps.
- Oh, okay.
- How'd you come up with
the Sistine Chapel?
- It's actually
based on a real place.
- Hey, will you say
something to me in Latin?
- Yeah, um...
Pedicabo ego vos in nocte.
- Wow.
That was cool.
That sounded like
a Harry Potter spell.
What does it mean?
- It means you
have the most beautiful eyes
I have ever seen.
- And he told me to shut up...
- Mm, mm.
- 'Cause I was talking so loud,
he's like, "Shut up!" you know.
And this is his girlfriend.
And, uh, you know,
I remembered I got his number
because we kind of
got into it a little bit.
Pamela?
I don't know.
But, uh, she's pretty cool.
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Ben?
Ben, just wait, wait.
- Hey!
Who let this guy in here?
Come on, man, where you been,
best friend?
Ahh.
- Hey.
- I got news for you, brother.
This party sucks.
Let's get out of here.
- Ben.
Ben!
Stop!
Stop. I didn't mean
to do that, okay?
I was just really drunk.
- Oh, you were drunk?
That makes it okay then.
I guess I'll just go
pound some beers
and bang some random skank
in a bathroom stall.
- Okay, this
escalated very quickly.
- Yeah, it escalated.
We have one small fight
and... and I find you
kissing some crappy
mystery writer.
- First of all,
he writes historo-thrillers.
- They suck.
- Second of all,
it wasn't a little fight.
I haven't heard
from you in two days.
- How many times
did I have to tell you?
I didn't want to do
that stupid show.
And how come every time
you introduce me to people
you never tell them
that I'm a nurse?
- That's not true.
I tell people all the time.
- No, you don't.
- Well, I don't want to sit here
and argue with you about that.
- Mindy?
- Oh, damn it.
- How you doing?
- Not great, Josh.
I'm having a huge fight
with my boyfriend.
- Hi, I'm Josh.
Mindy and I used to date.
But I don't remember most of it.
I was super high the whole time.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Josh, this is Ben.
Ben, this is Josh.
Ben is a nurse,
which, apparently,
is as important
as being the President.
- Wait a minute.
Did we just see you
on "The Today Show"?
- Yeah, wash your hands and...
both: "Don't cough on people,
dum-dums."
- Yeah, we love that.
- Yeah, that's me.
- See?
They loved it.
- I don't care!
- Well.
Cool, seems like
I've walked into
the middle of something here,
and me and Brianna
just had our own fight
about fidelity issues,
so we're gonna head out.
Nice to meet you, Nurse Ben.
Uh, Mindy, as always, it was
awkward and confusing
to see you.
So, okay.
Bye.
- Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
- Bye.
- Oh, my God, how many
men in this city have you dated?
- Kind of a lot, I guess.
And I guess it depends on
your definition of dating
and men.
Look, I am sorry
that I pushed that show on you.
I was just trying to do
something nice for you, okay?
I was trying to help you.
- I don't need your help.
I'm perfectly fine
with who I am,
but you keep trying
to make me into something
that you think
your boyfriend needs to be.
Something I'm not.
- But you could be!
- All this time
you've been wondering
if I'm good enough for you, huh?
But you know what, Mindy?
I don't think
you're good enough for me.
♪ I'ma be your love
when the fire burn ♪
♪ When the blessed turn
I'ma be your love ♪
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
♪ Oh, I'ma be your love ♪
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
♪ Love, love ♪
♪ Love,
love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ Love, love ♪
♪ I'ma be your love ♪