The Mindy Project (2012–2017): Season 4, Episode 23 - Episode #4.23 - full transcript
Morning, everybody!
Oh, a muffin, cool.
Coffee? Classic Tamra.
Hey.
Someone's in a very good
mood for a Monday morning.
What happened this weekend?
Did one of your college friends
get a divorce or something?
Well, not too much, guys. I did
that Japanese decluttering thing,
where you hold something and if it
doesn't bring you joy, you throw it out.
I got rid of all my
vegetables and an electric bill.
I thought you must be busy,
you weren't returning my texts.
A man my age can't go to
an animated movie alone.
Guys, nothing happened.
I was just having a nice,
low-key weekend to myself.
It began with making some soup.
You know I had my
eye on this soup recipe...
Except it wasn't low-key,
unless you're talking about
Loki, the sexy god of mischief.
And it definitely
wasn't by myself.
I was shacked up at
Princeton with my man!
You know, pretty
simple. Not too...
Okay... Hello.
Ah, good times.
Oh, yes.
Okay, all right. I'm in. I'm in.
It was just a boring weekend.
Me, by myself, alone.
Hey, where'd everyone go?
Everybody left because
your story was bad.
I know you always tell me to
shut up and mind my own business,
but why are you keeping this
relationship with Drew so secret?
I don't get it.
I don't know, I just decided that
I didn't want to tell anyone yet.
Oh, oh. Like in case
it falls apart, right?
I get it. Because of
Dr. C and Joe and Bryant?
And the Indian guy?
Neil, was his name?
Oh, the bartender.
Yikes, that blew up.
God, Morgan, you're making
me sound like such a slut!
Which I appreciate,
but I don't know,
I kind of want to keep Drew a
secret until I know it's really real.
I don't want to get embarrassed
in front of my coworkers again.
Hey, Dr. L,
there's a guy out here
who needs you to sign
for your weight-loss
suppositories.
Tamra, just say that I have
a package. What the hell?
Good morning, everybody.
Can any of you tell
me what this means?
15% of us are going to hell?
Seems low!
Right, the answer is our
patients are down 15%.
Well, it's apparent
what's happening here.
We've lost all of
Danny's patients since
the troubles.
Okay, can we not refer to
my breakup as "the troubles"?
It's already what I
call my period. Ugh.
I don't know, did Danny leaving
really have this
much of an effect?
Well, Danny was our
most senior doctor.
You and Jody are focused
on your fertility clinic.
It's possible the patients
are noticing a lack of stability.
Boy, I sure have!
What a mess!
Well, if we all stick together,
and we all have
each other's backs...
Our next slide will
explain it for me.
Ah! That's not
a strategy really.
Hey. Okay, blah, blah, blah.
We're gonna die on the
street one day, doesn't matter.
How about some fun news? Yeah.
That's right!
Softball!
Saturday is the St. Brendan's
inter-departmental
softball tournament!
You're all in. No excuses.
So everyone who's not playing
needs to support the
OB/GYN Babymakers!
Hey!
I'll... I'll be there!
No, I never miss one
of Colette's sport games.
And Courtney's very
excited to come, too.
Oh, great Courtney's coming?
Great, Courtney.
All I care about is that
you're there, little lady.
Okay, because you
always would show up
when Dr. C would play.
You are a streaker. I
need you to take 'em out!
Take 'em out!
Yeah! Take 'em out!
Ugh, I wish I could.
You know I love streaking,
but I'm a single mom now
and I have the hardest job,
which is caring for
my little MVP, Leo.
Okay, I'm going to put
you on the spot right now.
What is more important to you,
this tournament that
happens once a year
with a bunch of
doctors you don't know,
or your son?
Anyway, Danny has
Leo this weekend,
so stock up on your Gatorade
and earplugs for my snoring,
I am coming to Princeton!
Yeah, but you know
what I was thinking?
You're always
coming here to visit.
And I haven't even fixed
my bed since the last time.
Why don't I come
and see you in the city?
Oh, no, there's nothing
really much to do here.
I mean, I guess there's
a couple museum.
I guess we could like, touch
the wieners on the statues?
Well, keep brainstorming.
But I can't wait to see you.
Okay, bye.
Colette, are you free for
dinner tomorrow night?
Uh, sure, Jody.
What bib should I
bring? Lobster? Ribs?
Neither. Courtney's
reserved a table for three
at Momofuku's new
hamburger concept.
Personally, I think
hamburger is concept enough.
Beef on a roll?
Oh... You know what?
Tomorrow Morgan
and I have dinner plans.
No, we don't. I never
plan on having dinner.
That way I'm not
disappointed when I don't get it.
Colette, you're going to turn down
an invitation at Momofuku Hambagu?
That place is bomb! Even Paul
McCartney had a burger there.
He said he wants to eat
there eight days a week!
I'm really looking
forward to it.
Courtney has really opened my
eyes to what New York has to offer.
What do you say, Colette?
Fine. But I'm coming
straight from kickboxing,
and I am not changing.
Wonderful.
It'll be a great chance
for you and Courtney
to get to know each other
better. She's gonna change.
You're gonna change.
Dinner with Courtney,
barf me to death.
Colette, what's so
bad about this girl?
What, is she a gold-digger?
Heartless? Black skinhead?
Which Kanye song
best describes her?
I just hate how
she's changed him.
I saw him the other day trying
to meditate and it freaked me out.
He should be drinking!
You should be happy that your
brother's finally dating a normal woman.
The least you can do
is go eat a $16 burger
and try to have a
good attitude about it.
I'm sorry, I thought you
said it's a $16 burger?
Yeah. That's bomb.
You're gonna turn
down a $16 hamburger?
These nuts, this is
my food for the month.
Want to suck?
There's still some
flavor on the bones.
Is it chicken?
It's in the chicken family.
Yeah, I want it.
I totally get it.
I'll come get Leo.
Okay. Bye.
Hey!
Hi! Hello.
How are you? Great to see you.
You, too. Hey, I
have some bad news.
My ex had an emergency,
so I actually have
to take Leo tonight.
Oh, of course, are you
kidding me? I love kids.
They don't ask questions when
I exaggerate my football career.
That's very sweet.
But I thought that it was a little
early to introduce Leo to you.
I'm so sorry. No. Oh, are
you kidding me? No, I get it.
You do? Absolutely.
I will stay at a hotel and we
can just hang out tomorrow.
You sure you don't mind?
No, no, not at all.
You know, you go,
you do your PG night,
and then, uh, tomorrow,
we'll go hard R.
Ooh. Delicioso. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
This burger is weird.
I hope that waiter comes
back with my ketchup.
Actually, Colette, that wasn't
a waiter, that was the chef.
He's very famous.
What's he famous for,
getting ketchup real slow?
At Least this
beer's pretty good.
Colette, that's a
bottle of soy sauce.
Yeah, and it's good!
So, uh, Jody says
that you and Morgan have
a game night at your place.
I would love to
come by sometime.
Oh, sorry, it's just
medical professionals.
We mostly play Operation.
It gets real technical.
Oh, Colette, we have
some exciting news.
Every year, on
the Fourth of July,
Courtney and her
family take a cruise.
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Yes, and this year,
we thought that maybe
you and your family
would like to come with us.
On the Fourth of July?
Well, yes, this year, they're
going to the Galapagos Islands,
where Charles Darwin
indulged his fanciful notions.
Jody, what about our family's
Fourth of July traditions?
Okay, okay. Well, we don't
have to decide right now.
Looks like we got the
fireworks a little early.
Yo, Chef! How we
coming on that ketchup?
I just want you guys to know that
after years of being blackballed by Dr. C,
I am so honored to be a part of this
team and I'm not going to let you down.
I am certain you will.
I might.
All right, remember everybody,
by dedicating our
lives to women's health,
we're already
champions off the field.
But now we're on the field
and the only thing
that matters is winning.
So let's win!
Hey, sleepyhead,
time to wake up.
Oh, I've been up for hours.
Almost done with my workout.
Me, too. So sweaty. So listen,
I'm going to show you
the best day of your life.
Whipped out my old
New York City travel guide.
First, we're going to kick it off
with a trip to Shea Stadium...
Okay, never mind.
Um, no. First we'll go
to The World Trade...
How old is this?
Forward by David Dinkins.
You know what?
Forget New York City.
We can just stay
in and have sex.
Way to go, Colette!
Show them the
southern beast! All right.
Close it out,
Colette. Here we go.
Strike three! You are out!
Get out of here! Whoo!
All right everybody,
one more out.
Yeah, that's right, Dunc!
That's the line.
Do the rude boy,
do the earthquake.
Duncan, Tamra, can you please
return to your positions, okay?
We can work on this later.
I have a BA in Modern
Dance, thank you.
Beverly, would you please
put your water down...
Is that wine? Are
you drinking wine?
Hey, man, it's my
day off! Oh, Jesus.
Just catch the ball
if it comes to you.
Colette, let's close
her out, okay?
Check it out, Jody.
This next pitch once
blew a girl's top off.
Okay, Colette.
Let's see some heat!
All right, I'm gonna
bring that heat.
Ball one.
Come on!
Come on, she's a frickin'
joke! This is an easy out.
Ball two.
Ugh!
Hey, Jody, you came
to a softball game!
You might want to see
a little softball! Sorry!
I was telling Courtney the plot
of an E-Trade commercial
that I found very amusing.
But, I'm watching!
Colette, come on. Easy out!
Colette!
Hey, Morgan. How's
the football game?
It's softball. And terrible.
Colette got ejected
because she threw the ball
right into Jody's
girlfriend's face,
even though it was
clearly an accident.
Aw, dang rules.
Okay, bye! No,
no, no, wait, no, no!
We need three women,
and we're down to two,
and one of them's loaded.
And I know that's a
good thing in potato skins,
but not softball. We need you!
Me? Play softball?
Okay, not only do I
not want to, I can't.
I'm hanging out with Drew.
I'm meeting him for
breakfast at 10:00. No, no!
Please, Dr. L, I
need this. I need this.
This is the first time I've ever
been included onto a team.
Please, it will take
a half-hour, tops.
You promise it's
just a half-hour?
I swear to God.
Okay, if it's only
half an hour, I will go.
Oh, God, I owe you big for this.
The movie. You lent
me the DVD a while ago
and I am just
remembering it now,
because it's another
great thing you did for me.
Fine!
Oh, my God.
This is a disaster, Morgan.
It's a disaster. Sometimes
disasters are good.
Poseidon, my favorite
movie. That's not...
Oh! Oh, my God! There she is!
The perfect replacement, okay?
A-Rod's ego, Jeter's libido,
Babe Ruth's love of
hot dogs, right there.
No, no, no, this is
our replacement?
She tripped twice
on the way over here.
You know what,
dude? Hey, wait! Hey!
No, no, no! Same team.
You think you're so cool
because you have a beard now?
Easy, easy, easy!
We need you to go
to right field, okay?
That's where they
put all the losers.
Don't take offense. It's
just a general sports term.
Morgan, stop talking
to the ball! Shh!
Yeah, go ahead and bowl already!
Okay, fine, all right.
Argh!
Ugh! Slit my throat!
What the hell was that?
The wrong pitch. That
was slugger's delight.
This is the heater. Here we go.
Argh!
God damn it!
Maybe I should pitch.
I'm an elderly woman
who's never done it before.
No, I got it, all right.
Let's give them the
heat. Give 'em the heat!
Argh! Aw! It's a home run.
We should quit
now, right? We done?
This is my personal time out.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Great, come on!
Strike! Are you kidding
me? Are you blind?
Strike two!
Strike what? Two!
Strike what? Strike two.
That's strike one.
You gotta... You gotta
put on... You just...
You wear your normal hat.
Argh!
I prefer this. It feels safer.
Ooh!
Oh, argh!
Oh! Argh!
Damn it, Morgan!
God!
Hey, Dermatologists,
what are you zit-jockeys
doing, popping pus?
Sorry, sun's too strong.
This isn't safe.
Sunscreen's a lie!
Play the game!
Well, that's a forfeit.
I guess this means OB/GYN wins.
Yeah!
Congratulations!
Okay, I gotta jet.
Bye, guys! Wait, wait,
wait, Mindy, you can't leave.
Because we won, we
advance to the next round
to play the Orthopedics.
Okay, Brendan, um, I can't stay
and I don't want to stay.
So that's like two ironclad
reasons why I gotta go.
Mindy, please
don't make us forfeit.
I just need one
piece of good news
for my Christmas
letter to Father.
I don't want to go home. It
smells like an old man in there!
If she can leave, I can
leave. No one's leaving.
Listen, listen.
Hey, if you stay,
you can do whatever you
want to me, sexually. No rules.
Okay, good luck in
your baseball game.
Softball!
Fine, let her go. Bye, Judas!
Which one of you is Jody?
Obviously me, it's a man's name.
How's Courtney?
Honestly, I've never seen
a nose bent at that angle.
But it's only the second
day of my residency.
Mmm. Is there someone more
experienced we could talk to?
Perhaps Dr. Fitzgerald
or Dr. Yang?
They're all playing
softball right now.
They won't let me on the team.
They said my hands
are too shaky to play.
Oh, for...
Well, do your best and I'll
treat you to a root beer float.
Again, it was an
accident, I swear.
That is a lie. You
have perfect aim.
You're the only woman I've
ever met who could use a urinal.
Okay, fine. I'm sorry.
It's just that Courtney
was distracting you.
You usually blow me a
kiss before each pitch!
A pitcher needs that!
This is not about me.
This is about you being miserable to
Courtney from the moment you met.
Well, it's hard to be
nice to the woman
who turns your brother
into a different person.
You didn't even send
our horse a birthday card.
You moved out because you
wanted us to be more independent.
And now you're mad that I am.
Mmm-hmm. Fact is,
you'd hate any
girlfriend I have.
Oh, yeah!
Get over yourself.
I don't care if you
have a girlfriend.
You can go on The
Bachelor and date 10 at once,
even the racist one.
Though you have to wonder
if that's just the editing.
Colette.
Looks like the OB/GYN
team has to forfeit.
I guess a doctor
from Shulman flaked.
They're still around? I
thought when Dr. Castellano left
they closed up shop.
Closed up shop?
I don't think so.
First of all, ow! Damn it!
Okay, I understand why
you need to use the mitt now.
Second of all,
Shulman & Associates
is the best damn
practice in the city, okay?
We still have
three great doctors
and a handful of colorful
characters of varying usefulness.
But we care.
Hey, we're sorry you heard that.
Yeah, well you're
gonna be sorry,
'cause we're going
to kick your ass.
Hey, everybody,
get in a sports circle with
your butts sticking out.
A huddle? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, whatever, whatever.
Hurry up, hurry up. Okay, guys,
this is no longer
about baseball.
This is about our reputations.
It never was about
baseball, this is softball.
Are we playing softball? Yes.
I told you about it. Okay,
okay, okay, it doesn't matter.
We need to prove that
even without Danny,
our practice can still deliver wins
the way that we deliver babies.
We always squeeze one out!
Yeah. We don't need
Danny. He's not that great.
Don't tell him I said
that, I have so few friends.
All right, so, you guys
are going to go out there,
and you are gonna
show them what we got.
I am going to
stand in right field
and I'm going to be on my phone
learning the rules of baseball!
Softball. MINDY: Okay, on three,
we can do this, Trump in 2016.
And we gotta win this hella fast,
'cause I am late to something.
One. Two.
Three. ALL: We can do this!
Carly Fiorina! We're gonna win!
Hey, where are you?
I'm here at Serendipity
nursing a hot chocolate.
But I got this little
gaggle of 10-year-olds
glaring at me for the table.
Yeah, you're not
going to like this,
but I actually got pulled into
kind of an important work thing.
Oh. Okay.
What, like, a delivery
or something?
Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hmm.
All right, well, I'll miss ya,
but, uh, I guess that's just
the life of a doctor, right?
You're so sweet.
Really, you'll be okay?
Yeah, I'll probably
just go work out again.
I'm definitely getting
out of here though
because this little
Elsa just hissed at me.
Well, the good news, Courtney,
is the doctor said,
in a couple years,
you'll be able to smell again.
Oh, thank God. Hey!
How you doing, man?
Drew, remember?
From Princeton? Oh, yes!
Drew, the football man!
Yes. What are you doing here?
Oh, hi, Drew. It's me, Courtney.
Oh, so sorry. I didn't recognize
you. Your face looks different.
What? Um...
Actually, I'm... I'm just
here looking for Mindy.
I'm in town visiting
her for the weekend.
We're dating.
Uh, dating?
She never mentioned that.
Oh, well, we are.
No, I don't think so.
Yes, I just told you we are.
Agree to disagree.
No, I've seen her naked.
I don't know why
we're talking about this.
I just want to get my
prescriptions and go home.
Listen, I just have
this bear claw here,
and I'm trying to
surprise Mindy at work.
Do you know where
her delivery is?
Oh, Mindy's not in delivery.
She's playing a softball
game in Central Park.
What?
Okay, come on,
guys, we can do this.
Let's show them
what we got, chillens.
Oh!
Oh, that went really far.
Okay, we'll give you that.
But only because you
hit it out of the park.
Oh, shit.
All right, here
comes the heater.
Time out! Time out!
Time out! Time out!
Mindy, there are no timeouts!
But when Jeremy gets a bee in his
mask the whole world comes to a stop?
Hey, it stung my face!
You're ruining the game.
Hey, look, I'm...
I'm really sorry.
I did not mean to.
Give me a second.
I've actually never
run that fast in my life.
Mindy, what's going on, okay?
Because I'm about to go back to
New Jersey and never see you again.
Okay, I don't know if this is
going to make any sense, but,
I've had a very rocky
time of dating since Danny.
And I just thought that if I
didn't tell anyone about you,
then it would be easier
when this all blows up.
Well, yeah, but what
if it doesn't blow up?
I mean, I've seen how terrible
of a softball player you are,
and I still really
like you a lot.
How dare you, I'm
amazing at softball.
My body's like Field of Dreams,
if you touch it, you will come.
Did you think that was cool?
No. Okay.
Look, the truth is, I
really like you, too.
And you're the first guy
since Danny that I thought
that this could be
real, and it's scary.
Hey, "Jackee" Robinson,
we're in the
middle of an inning.
Can you please give
me a break right now?
I... I need you
to hurry... Stop!
Hurry!
I'm sorry. I should go
finish getting annihilated.
Their players are running
and touching the cushions,
which is the point in softball.
That's not how softball works.
Oh, my God.
You're a sports coach,
and we're sporting.
Can you please help us?
Well, you know that means your
friends would actually have to meet me.
Of course, come on. Help us.
All right, listen up,
guys. Okay? Now, Mindy,
when the ball's going over your
head, don't backpedal, okay?
It's too slow. What
I want you to do
is turn and run and look
over your shoulder as you go.
Oh, my God, like
at Coney Island,
when a seagull tries
to take my churro. Yep.
Who is this handsome
person with leadership skills?
Oh, uh, he was just
a stranger I found.
I don't really know him.
I haven't seen his penis.
What?
Okay, you, listen, I'm seeing
that you're having a little trouble
getting that ball from
second to first, right?
My arms are very
weak. That's okay.
I'm on a hunger strike
against fracking! All right.
So listen what I want you to
do is square your shoulders
and follow through,
the ball will get there.
Yeah, you got
this, Duncan! Yeah!
Now, Ledreau, you're not quite
as fast as some of the others,
so what if you try
a sacrifice bunt?
Ah!
Yeah!
Now, Morgan, I'm
sorry to say, but
you're just not
a natural pitcher.
Oh, my God!
But you're one of the most
important types of players in baseball,
an obstacle.
Where all you need to do is be
a physical barrier to home plate.
Stop him, Morgan!
Stop him! Argh!
You're out of there! Whoa!
Yeah! You guys okay?
They're fine, Duncan.
All right, all right,
let's see some hustle!
Oh, yeah, baby!
That's a strike.
That's two! We need
one more out, everybody!
One more out and we win!
Let's do this!
Keep going, keep
going, keep going...
Okay, oh, no.
Go, Mindy. Go!
You can do this.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Go, go, go, go, go!
Mindy, don't let that
seagull get your churro!
Go! Go! Go!
Oh!
Dr. L!
No. No, she didn't. She didn't!
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Mindy, you okay?
Okay. So she's okay.
Where's the ball?
Oh! Ha!
She technically caught it.
We won!
Are you kidding me? No.
Turn her over. Turn
the old girl over.
No! Oh, my God.
All right, she needs
mouth to mouth.
Hey, hey, hey!
She's fine. No! Stop!
Please don't give me
mouth to mouth. All right, fine.
He's not going to give
you mouth to mouth, okay?
I did it, huh? You did great.
Yeah, but I... I do think
I... I broke my ankle.
Ooh. Does this hurt.
Ow! Oh, God! Oh, my God!
Why would you do
that? I know. I don't know.
Well, it doesn't look like
the sprain is too severe.
Hmm, unlike the beating you
orthopedos took on the field.
Yeah! Whose practice is
falling apart now, bone-gropers?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay. Okay. Easy.
Easy, my man. Maybe
you want to lighten up
on the guy wrapping your ankle.
Please be careful,
sir. That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Sorry. Sorry, for what I said.
Hello, Mindy.
In case you're wondering
about the dual balloons,
it's because I've been
informed by my sister
that we no longer go in together
on token gesture purchases.
Hey, I heard that you helped
our team after my rage blackout.
Who are you?
I'm Drew. I'm Mindy's
friend from Princeton.
He's actually my boyfriend.
Oh, I knew the whole time.
I've known for weeks.
Didn't say anything.
Yeah, and I'm really glad that
you guys get a chance to meet him,
because he's a really nice guy,
and he sacrificed his entire
day in New York to come help us.
And I got news for you. Tonight,
the coach is going to
be the one that scores.
Oh!
Okay, let's go. And,
he is going to blitz that ass.
Hey, no more, please. What?
Is that not okay to
say about your boss?
Hey, do me a
favor, get out of here.
I thought it was funny,
but you should go.
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
go. Good to see you.
Later. Hey, how
do you blitz an ass?
Oh, he can blitz and ass.
Can I... Is that okay to say?
Yeah, let's just stop
now though. Okay.
Oh, a muffin, cool.
Coffee? Classic Tamra.
Hey.
Someone's in a very good
mood for a Monday morning.
What happened this weekend?
Did one of your college friends
get a divorce or something?
Well, not too much, guys. I did
that Japanese decluttering thing,
where you hold something and if it
doesn't bring you joy, you throw it out.
I got rid of all my
vegetables and an electric bill.
I thought you must be busy,
you weren't returning my texts.
A man my age can't go to
an animated movie alone.
Guys, nothing happened.
I was just having a nice,
low-key weekend to myself.
It began with making some soup.
You know I had my
eye on this soup recipe...
Except it wasn't low-key,
unless you're talking about
Loki, the sexy god of mischief.
And it definitely
wasn't by myself.
I was shacked up at
Princeton with my man!
You know, pretty
simple. Not too...
Okay... Hello.
Ah, good times.
Oh, yes.
Okay, all right. I'm in. I'm in.
It was just a boring weekend.
Me, by myself, alone.
Hey, where'd everyone go?
Everybody left because
your story was bad.
I know you always tell me to
shut up and mind my own business,
but why are you keeping this
relationship with Drew so secret?
I don't get it.
I don't know, I just decided that
I didn't want to tell anyone yet.
Oh, oh. Like in case
it falls apart, right?
I get it. Because of
Dr. C and Joe and Bryant?
And the Indian guy?
Neil, was his name?
Oh, the bartender.
Yikes, that blew up.
God, Morgan, you're making
me sound like such a slut!
Which I appreciate,
but I don't know,
I kind of want to keep Drew a
secret until I know it's really real.
I don't want to get embarrassed
in front of my coworkers again.
Hey, Dr. L,
there's a guy out here
who needs you to sign
for your weight-loss
suppositories.
Tamra, just say that I have
a package. What the hell?
Good morning, everybody.
Can any of you tell
me what this means?
15% of us are going to hell?
Seems low!
Right, the answer is our
patients are down 15%.
Well, it's apparent
what's happening here.
We've lost all of
Danny's patients since
the troubles.
Okay, can we not refer to
my breakup as "the troubles"?
It's already what I
call my period. Ugh.
I don't know, did Danny leaving
really have this
much of an effect?
Well, Danny was our
most senior doctor.
You and Jody are focused
on your fertility clinic.
It's possible the patients
are noticing a lack of stability.
Boy, I sure have!
What a mess!
Well, if we all stick together,
and we all have
each other's backs...
Our next slide will
explain it for me.
Ah! That's not
a strategy really.
Hey. Okay, blah, blah, blah.
We're gonna die on the
street one day, doesn't matter.
How about some fun news? Yeah.
That's right!
Softball!
Saturday is the St. Brendan's
inter-departmental
softball tournament!
You're all in. No excuses.
So everyone who's not playing
needs to support the
OB/GYN Babymakers!
Hey!
I'll... I'll be there!
No, I never miss one
of Colette's sport games.
And Courtney's very
excited to come, too.
Oh, great Courtney's coming?
Great, Courtney.
All I care about is that
you're there, little lady.
Okay, because you
always would show up
when Dr. C would play.
You are a streaker. I
need you to take 'em out!
Take 'em out!
Yeah! Take 'em out!
Ugh, I wish I could.
You know I love streaking,
but I'm a single mom now
and I have the hardest job,
which is caring for
my little MVP, Leo.
Okay, I'm going to put
you on the spot right now.
What is more important to you,
this tournament that
happens once a year
with a bunch of
doctors you don't know,
or your son?
Anyway, Danny has
Leo this weekend,
so stock up on your Gatorade
and earplugs for my snoring,
I am coming to Princeton!
Yeah, but you know
what I was thinking?
You're always
coming here to visit.
And I haven't even fixed
my bed since the last time.
Why don't I come
and see you in the city?
Oh, no, there's nothing
really much to do here.
I mean, I guess there's
a couple museum.
I guess we could like, touch
the wieners on the statues?
Well, keep brainstorming.
But I can't wait to see you.
Okay, bye.
Colette, are you free for
dinner tomorrow night?
Uh, sure, Jody.
What bib should I
bring? Lobster? Ribs?
Neither. Courtney's
reserved a table for three
at Momofuku's new
hamburger concept.
Personally, I think
hamburger is concept enough.
Beef on a roll?
Oh... You know what?
Tomorrow Morgan
and I have dinner plans.
No, we don't. I never
plan on having dinner.
That way I'm not
disappointed when I don't get it.
Colette, you're going to turn down
an invitation at Momofuku Hambagu?
That place is bomb! Even Paul
McCartney had a burger there.
He said he wants to eat
there eight days a week!
I'm really looking
forward to it.
Courtney has really opened my
eyes to what New York has to offer.
What do you say, Colette?
Fine. But I'm coming
straight from kickboxing,
and I am not changing.
Wonderful.
It'll be a great chance
for you and Courtney
to get to know each other
better. She's gonna change.
You're gonna change.
Dinner with Courtney,
barf me to death.
Colette, what's so
bad about this girl?
What, is she a gold-digger?
Heartless? Black skinhead?
Which Kanye song
best describes her?
I just hate how
she's changed him.
I saw him the other day trying
to meditate and it freaked me out.
He should be drinking!
You should be happy that your
brother's finally dating a normal woman.
The least you can do
is go eat a $16 burger
and try to have a
good attitude about it.
I'm sorry, I thought you
said it's a $16 burger?
Yeah. That's bomb.
You're gonna turn
down a $16 hamburger?
These nuts, this is
my food for the month.
Want to suck?
There's still some
flavor on the bones.
Is it chicken?
It's in the chicken family.
Yeah, I want it.
I totally get it.
I'll come get Leo.
Okay. Bye.
Hey!
Hi! Hello.
How are you? Great to see you.
You, too. Hey, I
have some bad news.
My ex had an emergency,
so I actually have
to take Leo tonight.
Oh, of course, are you
kidding me? I love kids.
They don't ask questions when
I exaggerate my football career.
That's very sweet.
But I thought that it was a little
early to introduce Leo to you.
I'm so sorry. No. Oh, are
you kidding me? No, I get it.
You do? Absolutely.
I will stay at a hotel and we
can just hang out tomorrow.
You sure you don't mind?
No, no, not at all.
You know, you go,
you do your PG night,
and then, uh, tomorrow,
we'll go hard R.
Ooh. Delicioso. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
This burger is weird.
I hope that waiter comes
back with my ketchup.
Actually, Colette, that wasn't
a waiter, that was the chef.
He's very famous.
What's he famous for,
getting ketchup real slow?
At Least this
beer's pretty good.
Colette, that's a
bottle of soy sauce.
Yeah, and it's good!
So, uh, Jody says
that you and Morgan have
a game night at your place.
I would love to
come by sometime.
Oh, sorry, it's just
medical professionals.
We mostly play Operation.
It gets real technical.
Oh, Colette, we have
some exciting news.
Every year, on
the Fourth of July,
Courtney and her
family take a cruise.
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Yes, and this year,
we thought that maybe
you and your family
would like to come with us.
On the Fourth of July?
Well, yes, this year, they're
going to the Galapagos Islands,
where Charles Darwin
indulged his fanciful notions.
Jody, what about our family's
Fourth of July traditions?
Okay, okay. Well, we don't
have to decide right now.
Looks like we got the
fireworks a little early.
Yo, Chef! How we
coming on that ketchup?
I just want you guys to know that
after years of being blackballed by Dr. C,
I am so honored to be a part of this
team and I'm not going to let you down.
I am certain you will.
I might.
All right, remember everybody,
by dedicating our
lives to women's health,
we're already
champions off the field.
But now we're on the field
and the only thing
that matters is winning.
So let's win!
Hey, sleepyhead,
time to wake up.
Oh, I've been up for hours.
Almost done with my workout.
Me, too. So sweaty. So listen,
I'm going to show you
the best day of your life.
Whipped out my old
New York City travel guide.
First, we're going to kick it off
with a trip to Shea Stadium...
Okay, never mind.
Um, no. First we'll go
to The World Trade...
How old is this?
Forward by David Dinkins.
You know what?
Forget New York City.
We can just stay
in and have sex.
Way to go, Colette!
Show them the
southern beast! All right.
Close it out,
Colette. Here we go.
Strike three! You are out!
Get out of here! Whoo!
All right everybody,
one more out.
Yeah, that's right, Dunc!
That's the line.
Do the rude boy,
do the earthquake.
Duncan, Tamra, can you please
return to your positions, okay?
We can work on this later.
I have a BA in Modern
Dance, thank you.
Beverly, would you please
put your water down...
Is that wine? Are
you drinking wine?
Hey, man, it's my
day off! Oh, Jesus.
Just catch the ball
if it comes to you.
Colette, let's close
her out, okay?
Check it out, Jody.
This next pitch once
blew a girl's top off.
Okay, Colette.
Let's see some heat!
All right, I'm gonna
bring that heat.
Ball one.
Come on!
Come on, she's a frickin'
joke! This is an easy out.
Ball two.
Ugh!
Hey, Jody, you came
to a softball game!
You might want to see
a little softball! Sorry!
I was telling Courtney the plot
of an E-Trade commercial
that I found very amusing.
But, I'm watching!
Colette, come on. Easy out!
Colette!
Hey, Morgan. How's
the football game?
It's softball. And terrible.
Colette got ejected
because she threw the ball
right into Jody's
girlfriend's face,
even though it was
clearly an accident.
Aw, dang rules.
Okay, bye! No,
no, no, wait, no, no!
We need three women,
and we're down to two,
and one of them's loaded.
And I know that's a
good thing in potato skins,
but not softball. We need you!
Me? Play softball?
Okay, not only do I
not want to, I can't.
I'm hanging out with Drew.
I'm meeting him for
breakfast at 10:00. No, no!
Please, Dr. L, I
need this. I need this.
This is the first time I've ever
been included onto a team.
Please, it will take
a half-hour, tops.
You promise it's
just a half-hour?
I swear to God.
Okay, if it's only
half an hour, I will go.
Oh, God, I owe you big for this.
The movie. You lent
me the DVD a while ago
and I am just
remembering it now,
because it's another
great thing you did for me.
Fine!
Oh, my God.
This is a disaster, Morgan.
It's a disaster. Sometimes
disasters are good.
Poseidon, my favorite
movie. That's not...
Oh! Oh, my God! There she is!
The perfect replacement, okay?
A-Rod's ego, Jeter's libido,
Babe Ruth's love of
hot dogs, right there.
No, no, no, this is
our replacement?
She tripped twice
on the way over here.
You know what,
dude? Hey, wait! Hey!
No, no, no! Same team.
You think you're so cool
because you have a beard now?
Easy, easy, easy!
We need you to go
to right field, okay?
That's where they
put all the losers.
Don't take offense. It's
just a general sports term.
Morgan, stop talking
to the ball! Shh!
Yeah, go ahead and bowl already!
Okay, fine, all right.
Argh!
Ugh! Slit my throat!
What the hell was that?
The wrong pitch. That
was slugger's delight.
This is the heater. Here we go.
Argh!
God damn it!
Maybe I should pitch.
I'm an elderly woman
who's never done it before.
No, I got it, all right.
Let's give them the
heat. Give 'em the heat!
Argh! Aw! It's a home run.
We should quit
now, right? We done?
This is my personal time out.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Great, come on!
Strike! Are you kidding
me? Are you blind?
Strike two!
Strike what? Two!
Strike what? Strike two.
That's strike one.
You gotta... You gotta
put on... You just...
You wear your normal hat.
Argh!
I prefer this. It feels safer.
Ooh!
Oh, argh!
Oh! Argh!
Damn it, Morgan!
God!
Hey, Dermatologists,
what are you zit-jockeys
doing, popping pus?
Sorry, sun's too strong.
This isn't safe.
Sunscreen's a lie!
Play the game!
Well, that's a forfeit.
I guess this means OB/GYN wins.
Yeah!
Congratulations!
Okay, I gotta jet.
Bye, guys! Wait, wait,
wait, Mindy, you can't leave.
Because we won, we
advance to the next round
to play the Orthopedics.
Okay, Brendan, um, I can't stay
and I don't want to stay.
So that's like two ironclad
reasons why I gotta go.
Mindy, please
don't make us forfeit.
I just need one
piece of good news
for my Christmas
letter to Father.
I don't want to go home. It
smells like an old man in there!
If she can leave, I can
leave. No one's leaving.
Listen, listen.
Hey, if you stay,
you can do whatever you
want to me, sexually. No rules.
Okay, good luck in
your baseball game.
Softball!
Fine, let her go. Bye, Judas!
Which one of you is Jody?
Obviously me, it's a man's name.
How's Courtney?
Honestly, I've never seen
a nose bent at that angle.
But it's only the second
day of my residency.
Mmm. Is there someone more
experienced we could talk to?
Perhaps Dr. Fitzgerald
or Dr. Yang?
They're all playing
softball right now.
They won't let me on the team.
They said my hands
are too shaky to play.
Oh, for...
Well, do your best and I'll
treat you to a root beer float.
Again, it was an
accident, I swear.
That is a lie. You
have perfect aim.
You're the only woman I've
ever met who could use a urinal.
Okay, fine. I'm sorry.
It's just that Courtney
was distracting you.
You usually blow me a
kiss before each pitch!
A pitcher needs that!
This is not about me.
This is about you being miserable to
Courtney from the moment you met.
Well, it's hard to be
nice to the woman
who turns your brother
into a different person.
You didn't even send
our horse a birthday card.
You moved out because you
wanted us to be more independent.
And now you're mad that I am.
Mmm-hmm. Fact is,
you'd hate any
girlfriend I have.
Oh, yeah!
Get over yourself.
I don't care if you
have a girlfriend.
You can go on The
Bachelor and date 10 at once,
even the racist one.
Though you have to wonder
if that's just the editing.
Colette.
Looks like the OB/GYN
team has to forfeit.
I guess a doctor
from Shulman flaked.
They're still around? I
thought when Dr. Castellano left
they closed up shop.
Closed up shop?
I don't think so.
First of all, ow! Damn it!
Okay, I understand why
you need to use the mitt now.
Second of all,
Shulman & Associates
is the best damn
practice in the city, okay?
We still have
three great doctors
and a handful of colorful
characters of varying usefulness.
But we care.
Hey, we're sorry you heard that.
Yeah, well you're
gonna be sorry,
'cause we're going
to kick your ass.
Hey, everybody,
get in a sports circle with
your butts sticking out.
A huddle? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, whatever, whatever.
Hurry up, hurry up. Okay, guys,
this is no longer
about baseball.
This is about our reputations.
It never was about
baseball, this is softball.
Are we playing softball? Yes.
I told you about it. Okay,
okay, okay, it doesn't matter.
We need to prove that
even without Danny,
our practice can still deliver wins
the way that we deliver babies.
We always squeeze one out!
Yeah. We don't need
Danny. He's not that great.
Don't tell him I said
that, I have so few friends.
All right, so, you guys
are going to go out there,
and you are gonna
show them what we got.
I am going to
stand in right field
and I'm going to be on my phone
learning the rules of baseball!
Softball. MINDY: Okay, on three,
we can do this, Trump in 2016.
And we gotta win this hella fast,
'cause I am late to something.
One. Two.
Three. ALL: We can do this!
Carly Fiorina! We're gonna win!
Hey, where are you?
I'm here at Serendipity
nursing a hot chocolate.
But I got this little
gaggle of 10-year-olds
glaring at me for the table.
Yeah, you're not
going to like this,
but I actually got pulled into
kind of an important work thing.
Oh. Okay.
What, like, a delivery
or something?
Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hmm.
All right, well, I'll miss ya,
but, uh, I guess that's just
the life of a doctor, right?
You're so sweet.
Really, you'll be okay?
Yeah, I'll probably
just go work out again.
I'm definitely getting
out of here though
because this little
Elsa just hissed at me.
Well, the good news, Courtney,
is the doctor said,
in a couple years,
you'll be able to smell again.
Oh, thank God. Hey!
How you doing, man?
Drew, remember?
From Princeton? Oh, yes!
Drew, the football man!
Yes. What are you doing here?
Oh, hi, Drew. It's me, Courtney.
Oh, so sorry. I didn't recognize
you. Your face looks different.
What? Um...
Actually, I'm... I'm just
here looking for Mindy.
I'm in town visiting
her for the weekend.
We're dating.
Uh, dating?
She never mentioned that.
Oh, well, we are.
No, I don't think so.
Yes, I just told you we are.
Agree to disagree.
No, I've seen her naked.
I don't know why
we're talking about this.
I just want to get my
prescriptions and go home.
Listen, I just have
this bear claw here,
and I'm trying to
surprise Mindy at work.
Do you know where
her delivery is?
Oh, Mindy's not in delivery.
She's playing a softball
game in Central Park.
What?
Okay, come on,
guys, we can do this.
Let's show them
what we got, chillens.
Oh!
Oh, that went really far.
Okay, we'll give you that.
But only because you
hit it out of the park.
Oh, shit.
All right, here
comes the heater.
Time out! Time out!
Time out! Time out!
Mindy, there are no timeouts!
But when Jeremy gets a bee in his
mask the whole world comes to a stop?
Hey, it stung my face!
You're ruining the game.
Hey, look, I'm...
I'm really sorry.
I did not mean to.
Give me a second.
I've actually never
run that fast in my life.
Mindy, what's going on, okay?
Because I'm about to go back to
New Jersey and never see you again.
Okay, I don't know if this is
going to make any sense, but,
I've had a very rocky
time of dating since Danny.
And I just thought that if I
didn't tell anyone about you,
then it would be easier
when this all blows up.
Well, yeah, but what
if it doesn't blow up?
I mean, I've seen how terrible
of a softball player you are,
and I still really
like you a lot.
How dare you, I'm
amazing at softball.
My body's like Field of Dreams,
if you touch it, you will come.
Did you think that was cool?
No. Okay.
Look, the truth is, I
really like you, too.
And you're the first guy
since Danny that I thought
that this could be
real, and it's scary.
Hey, "Jackee" Robinson,
we're in the
middle of an inning.
Can you please give
me a break right now?
I... I need you
to hurry... Stop!
Hurry!
I'm sorry. I should go
finish getting annihilated.
Their players are running
and touching the cushions,
which is the point in softball.
That's not how softball works.
Oh, my God.
You're a sports coach,
and we're sporting.
Can you please help us?
Well, you know that means your
friends would actually have to meet me.
Of course, come on. Help us.
All right, listen up,
guys. Okay? Now, Mindy,
when the ball's going over your
head, don't backpedal, okay?
It's too slow. What
I want you to do
is turn and run and look
over your shoulder as you go.
Oh, my God, like
at Coney Island,
when a seagull tries
to take my churro. Yep.
Who is this handsome
person with leadership skills?
Oh, uh, he was just
a stranger I found.
I don't really know him.
I haven't seen his penis.
What?
Okay, you, listen, I'm seeing
that you're having a little trouble
getting that ball from
second to first, right?
My arms are very
weak. That's okay.
I'm on a hunger strike
against fracking! All right.
So listen what I want you to
do is square your shoulders
and follow through,
the ball will get there.
Yeah, you got
this, Duncan! Yeah!
Now, Ledreau, you're not quite
as fast as some of the others,
so what if you try
a sacrifice bunt?
Ah!
Yeah!
Now, Morgan, I'm
sorry to say, but
you're just not
a natural pitcher.
Oh, my God!
But you're one of the most
important types of players in baseball,
an obstacle.
Where all you need to do is be
a physical barrier to home plate.
Stop him, Morgan!
Stop him! Argh!
You're out of there! Whoa!
Yeah! You guys okay?
They're fine, Duncan.
All right, all right,
let's see some hustle!
Oh, yeah, baby!
That's a strike.
That's two! We need
one more out, everybody!
One more out and we win!
Let's do this!
Keep going, keep
going, keep going...
Okay, oh, no.
Go, Mindy. Go!
You can do this.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Go, go, go, go, go!
Mindy, don't let that
seagull get your churro!
Go! Go! Go!
Oh!
Dr. L!
No. No, she didn't. She didn't!
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Mindy, you okay?
Okay. So she's okay.
Where's the ball?
Oh! Ha!
She technically caught it.
We won!
Are you kidding me? No.
Turn her over. Turn
the old girl over.
No! Oh, my God.
All right, she needs
mouth to mouth.
Hey, hey, hey!
She's fine. No! Stop!
Please don't give me
mouth to mouth. All right, fine.
He's not going to give
you mouth to mouth, okay?
I did it, huh? You did great.
Yeah, but I... I do think
I... I broke my ankle.
Ooh. Does this hurt.
Ow! Oh, God! Oh, my God!
Why would you do
that? I know. I don't know.
Well, it doesn't look like
the sprain is too severe.
Hmm, unlike the beating you
orthopedos took on the field.
Yeah! Whose practice is
falling apart now, bone-gropers?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay. Okay. Easy.
Easy, my man. Maybe
you want to lighten up
on the guy wrapping your ankle.
Please be careful,
sir. That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Sorry. Sorry, for what I said.
Hello, Mindy.
In case you're wondering
about the dual balloons,
it's because I've been
informed by my sister
that we no longer go in together
on token gesture purchases.
Hey, I heard that you helped
our team after my rage blackout.
Who are you?
I'm Drew. I'm Mindy's
friend from Princeton.
He's actually my boyfriend.
Oh, I knew the whole time.
I've known for weeks.
Didn't say anything.
Yeah, and I'm really glad that
you guys get a chance to meet him,
because he's a really nice guy,
and he sacrificed his entire
day in New York to come help us.
And I got news for you. Tonight,
the coach is going to
be the one that scores.
Oh!
Okay, let's go. And,
he is going to blitz that ass.
Hey, no more, please. What?
Is that not okay to
say about your boss?
Hey, do me a
favor, get out of here.
I thought it was funny,
but you should go.
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
go. Good to see you.
Later. Hey, how
do you blitz an ass?
Oh, he can blitz and ass.
Can I... Is that okay to say?
Yeah, let's just stop
now though. Okay.