The Middle (2009–2018): Season 7, Episode 8 - Thanksgiving VII - full transcript

Frankie: Out here in the middle,

every day is pretty much
like the day before.

You get up, you get dressed,
you go to work, you...

Smile Superstars International?

Mm-hmm. It's some huge franchise.

Apparently, they buy up
struggling dental offices

and turn them into these
one-stop super clinics,

like Jiffy Lube for teeth.

Mm. Well, at least you still have your job.

Yeah, but we're closed until January.

I guess goodwin has to remodel the office



to look like all the
other smile superstars,

so no paycheck for two months.

Happy holidays to us.

Mm.

Mm.

I really don't want to get
another job for the holidays.

I mean, I'm too old to flip burgers.

I'm too young to be a Walmart greeter.

Actually...

Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing.

You're not too young to
be a Walmart greeter.

That's not what I was gonna say.

Oh.

- Your hair looks pretty.
- Mm.



What I was gonna ask is, how's
the diaper business going?

I think you should get a
job for the holidays.

Damn it.

♪ ♪

Well, you are not gonna believe this.

So, I managed to get myself a holiday job,

which is good. I'm back
at heritage village.

Hey, there you go.

When in doubt, go back to the prairie.

Wait for the bad news.

Always do.

Heritage village is open on Thanksgiving,

and I'm working the Harvest Feast.

So now I don't know what
we're supposed to do

about our Thanksgiving.

I hate to say it, but we
may have to float it.

Would everybody be okay with that?

All: Fine.

Okay is that a "fine"
fine or a "TV's on" fine?

It's fine.

Now I can go out to the bar
and drink with my friends

as the Pilgrims intended.

Yeah. Works for me.

I can pick up some extra
shifts at spudsy's.

The mall's gonna be open
for 48 hours straight.

Except they don't call
it Thanksgiving anymore.

Now it's called black Friday Eve.

Hm. So, dad, looks like it's
just you and me at home.

Maybe we can do something together.

Well, I'm gonna be
watching football all day,

but, uh, you're welcome to do
something right over there.

All right, well, if nobody cares,

how about we float
Thanksgiving to December?

Wait. That's too close to Christmas.

Let's see.

How about... January?

Can't. Our a cappella group

is doing this big month-long
tribute to the '80s...

Duran Duran-uary.

Brick: February's out.

Cindy's got something big
planned for Valentine's day.

What's a couples retreat?

Okay, how about march?

- March madness!
- March madness!

Okay, who's free in May?

Yeah, nothing good happens in May.

Well, except mother's day.

Like he said, nothing good happens in May.

And it'll be warm out, so
maybe we can eat outside.

Ooh, we can put some turkey on the grill.

There's no rule that says
we got to eat a turkey.

We could eat hot dogs or potato salad.

This is starting to sound
a lot like Memorial Day.

Fine. Thanksgiving... June 12th. Done.

Brad!

What are you doing here?

I didn't know you were
picking up extra hours.

Aw, shoot. You just missed me.
I'm heading home to bed.

Got to get up early to help
with Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm added a fourth bean
to the three-bean salad

and pulling a layer out
of the seven-layer dip.

So watch out.

Oh, I know why you're here.

To serve delicious potatoes
to hungry shoppers.

And possibly see Logan.

Is it that obvious?

You keep darting your
eyes over at Abercrombie.

It doesn't take Benedict Cumberbatch

to figure it out.

It's like we're so totally star-crossed.

I mean, we had the best time at prom

and then I saw him up at
school and I lost him.

I didn't have his number.

So I thought if I am working over break,

maybe he's working over break.

So today, I am going to

casually go over to Abercrombie on my break

and try to casually run into him.

Oh, my god, Sue.

You're like a really adorable '90s movie.

I know, right?

- You go, Meg Ryan.
- Yeah.

Oh, well, hello, kind people.

If you're wondering what tool I'm using

to make my husband a
fine Thanksgiving feast,

this is a... a... What is it?

Um... hang on.

Oh, I remember. It's an
old-timey corn grinder. Pbht!

'Tis a grist mill.

Good morrow, and welcome
to our humble cabin.

I'm Rachel Moody Cochran, and
this is my husband, Obadiah.

Hey. Hi.

Sorry, but I think I'm supposed
to be playing Obadiah's wife.

Perhaps thou has been stricken
with the devil's fever,

for it was I who wed dear
Obadiah on my 14th birthday.

Did you not read your packet?

You're not Rachel. I'm Rachel.

You're Abigail, the barren
spinster sister-in-law

with the clubfoot.

Are you sure?

'Cause I come back here
and play Obadiah's wife

every time I get fired from a job,

and I get fired a lot.

Trust me, lady, 'tis I.

Fine. Relax.

I'll be the sister-in-law.

But I'm not playing the clubfoot.

Barren, on the other hand, sounds fabulous.

All right, Nick will be
here after pecan pie.

That's pretty much the whole class.

Whoo. We are gonna rage!

So how'd you convince your mom

to let you out early on Thanksgiving?

Well, I told her, "mom,
I'm a vegetarian now.

I'm not eating anything
with a mother anymore."

And she said, "you don't
have a mother anymore."

Whoa.

I don't think I've even seen your mom mad.

Man, she needs to chill.

I mean, I-I'm evolving.

I-I'm not even sure if I
want to be a doctor anymore.

It's like I've always just done
whatever Ron and Nancy want.

What... what about what I want?

Yeah.

Well, no one's really expected much of me,

so I guess I'm delivering.

See, you're lucky. Nobody hassles you.

You can just be the Ax-man.

Yeah, well...

Ax-man's not so awesome these days.

I mean, football is a total bust,

um, got kicked out of my house at school,

so now I'm living at home with
my parents, like a loser.

I don't even know what Devin
and I are doing anymore.

And school... everyone's talking
about jobs and grad school,

and I'm just like, I don't even
know if I'm gonna make it,

you know?

In the back of my mind, I always thought

my hair would be enough to
separate me from other people,

but maybe that's just not enough anymore.

I don't know.

I just, uh...

It's just really, really hard.

Dude, are you crying?

Uh, no.

So the house may not have
smelled like turkey,

but it did smell like cool ranch Doritos,

and Mike was fine with that.

Aw, crap.

Well, it's not a fuse.

Whole neighborhood's out.

How you doing?

I'm good.

Okay, then.

Hey, you want to do something?

Well, I'm reading,

but you're welcome to do
something right over there.

Let's play poker.

Edwin, I need a break.

Sorry, Sue. This is the
black Friday Eve rush.

We're on course to shatter
our sour cream record.

I'm about to roll out a third drum.

Okay, but I have been here 10 hours,

and I haven't had a break.

I am pretty sure that's illegal.
Come on, please.

Just let me take a little
stroll on over to Abercrombie.

Later!

Right now, I need you to push
the turkey-cranberry potato,

'cause at midnight, we start
moving our Christmas product.

Oh, no.

Not the peppermint potato.

Yep. No, no, no.

This year, it's the gold,
frankincense, and myrrh potato.

The gold is cheese sauce,

the frankincense is ham,

'cause nobody knows what frankincense is,

and the myrrh is also ham,

'cause nobody knows what myrrh is, either.

And then I stirred the almonds
into an earthen basin

with flour and gum dragon

and baked it in a wood-fired oven.

Oh.

And how did you make the soup?

Well...

I threw some vittles in a pot,

then I got some water from
yon crick over yonder

and poured that into a cotton gin.

Then Paul Bunyan ate it and
declared, "soup is good food."

Prithee a word, Abigail.

Did you even read your packet at all?

I skimmed it.

Okay, since you're clearly
unprepared, I'll do the talking,

and you can go in the back
and make the potato balls.

Do you think you can do that?

Potato balls?

Really? That's gonna take forever.

Why don't we just do mashed potatoes

and take a rain check on the potato balls?

Nobody will even notice.

They're all looking down
at their phones anyway.

Obadiah: Ladies.

Your idle gossip is best saved
for 'round the water pump.

Ah, 'tis true, husband.

Listen, sister.

I don't care what kind of slipshod schemes

you got under your bonnet
to short-shrift our guests,

but on my watch, we do things properly.

Fine, fine, okay.

Hey, but listen,

is there a-an outlet by a pot or something,

'cause I'm down to 1%.

♪ ♪

See, poker on Thanksgiving
is a tradition in my family.

Uncle rusty and I used
to play all the time.

Are you sure I never taught
you how to play poker?

You taught me how to get you
a beer while you played.

Oh, well, okay.

I'm gonna deal an open hand
so I can explain the rules.

The game is five-card stud, no draw.

Aces are high only,
one-eyed Jacks are wild.

Pretzels are worth a quarter
and peanuts are a buck.

So ante up.

I have no idea what you just said.

Put a pretzel in the pot.

Pot is in the center of the table.

All right.

Now, you have two fours.

- That's a pair.
- So that's good?

It's... it's not bad.

I've got...

Three sevens.

That's three-of-a-kind, which is better.

- Oh, so you win.
- What? No, hang on.

See, in a real game, we don't
see each other's cards,

so you can pretend that you
have a really good hand

and the other guy might
believe you and quit.

You mean lie?

That doesn't seem very sporting.

Well, it's called bluffing,
and it's part of the game.

So, now I'm gonna deal a hand
where I can't see your cards.

So I'm not gonna be able to help you.

You're on your own.

Ooh.

I have a great hand.

I'm bluffing.

Okay, our problem here is that
you have what we call a tell,

and your tell is that you... tell.

- Mm.
- So we're gonna have to work on that.

You're eating money.

Edwin, I need a break right now.

Well, you can't. We're swamped.

You can't keep me here. I know the law.

Oh, really? So, uh, what is the law?

Okay, I don't actually know the law,

but my mom has a cousin
who was a paralegal,

so I am gonna take a break right now

or you can expect to hear from her. Or him.

Her name is Jean, so I'm not sure
whether she's a man or a woman.

Point is, I will be back in 10 minutes.

Finally, Sue was free to
casually pursue Logan,

but shoppers on black Friday
Eve are anything but casual.

Brenda, candles & Such...
70% off everything!

No, no, no, no, no. Let me through!

Just let me...

And Obadiah whittled me this butter paddle

from an old maple branch,

which we are using to make today's feast.

Oh, what a time we live in...
such convenience.

♪ ♪

Okay, look.

The potatoes were still kind of hard.

This can just be our little secret.

Nobody out there needs to know.

Believe me, two years ago when
I worked the squash harvest,

this thing was a lifesaver.

You've done this before?

Look, if anybody sees me,
I'll just tell them that

my cousin from the Louisiana
territory just invented it.

The great inventor Hosiah... Newton-John.

My soul would die...

...At the thought of people
getting anything less

than the authentic
experience they paid $8 for.

They did not pay to have
somebody cut corners.

Well, guess what.

Historically, I come from a
long line of corner-cutters,

so cutting corners now is
actually me being authentic.

So there.

Get rid of it and use the wooden masher.

Sheila, come on.

It's Rachel!

Rachel Moody Cochran.

Respect the material!

Why don't you just step aside

and let me whip the crap out
of these potatoes 2015-style?

Use the wooden masher.

Make me.

You listen here, sister.

I did not claw my way up
from milkmaid to cinder girl

to seamstress to Obadiah's wife

to get kicked out of here because of you.

You think I'm not eyeing mayor's wife next?

'Cause I am.

I am gonna get there, and
you are not taking me down.

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

You did not just do that.

Debbie: Hey, Axl.

Are you okay?

We heard a rumor you were out here crying.

What?

God, no. I'm fine.

Aww. Can we see?

I bet your eyes look so
pretty with tears in them.

Right, Court?

Yeah, Debs. So pretty.

If you were a girl.

There's no tears.

I don't know what people told
you, but I'm not crying.

Oh. I'm so glad.

What do you say, Court? Group hug?

Definitely group hug, Deb.

Wow. Déjà Sue!

Are you just starting your shift?

I never left.

You worked three shifts in a row?

Please tell me you saw Logan.

No.

But I saw one of the other greeters.

Turns out, Logan is in Chicago
visiting his grandma.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Mm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Are you kidding me?

This is great because
now I have a new plan.

I just need to casually drive to Chicago

and casually find out
where his grandma lives

and casually wait outside her house...

Sue, I'm gonna write you a
reality check payable right now.

This is not who you are.

Where is the girl who was
quoting "lean in" all summer?

The Sue Heck I know
doesn't cross state lines

to chase after some guy just
because maybe he likes her.

You're right.

What am I doing?

You know, we always used to
make fun of people like this,

and now I've... oh, my god. Is that Logan?

No, that's not him. That's Dale. I think.

Seriously. Could I be any more pathetic?

This is not the kind of woman I want to be.

And it's Thanksgiving.

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year ♪

Did you forget to pay the
electric bill again?

Not unless we forget to
pay for the whole block.

How was the mall?

You know, working all day on Thanksgiving

wasn't as fun as I thought it'd be.

Well, you look great.

Really?

Thanks, Brick.

Aww.

Bluffing.

Nice.

Dude, you okay?

Yeah. Fine. Why wouldn't I be?

Yeah. Well, I got to warn you.

Word's kind of getting around about the...

Okay.

Da da da.

Uh, okay, look.

Um, I don't know what y'all heard about me,

but I'm doing great.

Actually, no. I'm doing awesome.

Last month, I played the
best game of my life.

I was on the field for 72 seconds.

Yeah.

I'm still a business major,

and I pretty much know what that is now.

And hey, I grew 1/4 inch when I
thought I was done, so yeah.

It's all good.

I guess what I really
wanted to say is, um...

You know, it really means a lot
to me that you guys are...

That you guys are all
worried about me, 'cause...

'Cause it's just really hard.

Ah.

Didn't expect you home this early.

They run out of Jagermeister?

Eh, ended up being kind of lame.

Seeing people's overrated.

Huh. Hey, you want to play poker?
Dad taught me how to lie.

Hmm. I could play some poker.

Oh, dad, by the way,

there might be a rumor going around town

that you and mom died, so just go with it.

♪ ♪

Turns out my pal Sheila
reported me to the town elders,

and I was demoted to cinder girl.

I can't tell you how much
it means to Obadiah and me

to have you here with us today
to share in our lord's bounty.

You see, this summer, my dear
brother Samuel sent news

that his wife, Priscilla, was
stricken with typhoid fever,

and she might not survive the harvest.

So we packed up our family in Lynchburg

and began our three-month journey by wagon.

But with the rain and hail,

the mountain pass proved treacherous.

For weeks, our wagon was mired in mud,

our food supplies dwindled.

But even as we grew weak with hunger

and fended off bear attacks,

the thing that kept us going

was the thought of being with
our loved ones on Thanksgiving.

So after four grueling months,
we finally arrived in Orson,

and my dear brother greeted
our wagon with open arms

and good news... Priscilla
was going to live.

'Tis truly a time to rejoice,

for now our family is together
on this day of thanks.

Sadly, the trip proved too
much for little Johnny.

He contracted scarlet fever.

The doctors say he may not
live to see Christmas.

What?

Read your damn packet!

That is why today we give thanks

because you never know

how many more thanksgivings
you're gonna get.

What was wrong with me? With my family?

The Moody Cochrans didn't
float their Thanksgiving.

They crossed rivers and climbed
mountains and ran from bears

and mashed potatoes with
wooden sticks to be together.

They weren't all, "it's fine. I don't care.

I want to go to a bar."

Well, it wasn't too late.

I had to make it home before
Thanksgiving was over.

I had to remind my sweet, sweet family

how thankful we should be.

Our life is good.

We've got nothing to complain...

Where's my phone?

Well, I guess things that are worthwhile

don't come without a struggle.

If the Moody Cochrans
could do it, so could I.

Mike: Okay, we're almost done with the...

Whoo! Keep it.

Hey! Mom's here. Look.

Power's out. Living in the 1800s.

Tell me about it.

Mom, come play!

You'll be on my team.

Oh, dad, we can have teams, right?

I'll allow it.

Pull up a chair.

Wow.

Looks like you guys have
been at this a whole.

- You having fun?
- Yeah. It's fine.

Is that a "fine" fine

or "the TV and the power are out,
so I had nothing else to do" fine?

No, it's, uh... actually good.

♪ ♪

- Are you crying?
- Yeah, I'm crying.

The thing is,

I may have come from a long
line of corner-cutters,

but we don't really cut
corners where it counts.

I guess sometimes you have
to be without Thanksgiving

to be thankful for it.

Mom. Guess what today is.

- Hmm?
- June 12th.

- Mm.
- Thanksgiving!

Oh, yeah, no. There's no
way we're doing that.

We'll float it to next November.