The Middle (2009–2018): Season 5, Episode 10 - The Middle - full transcript

[ Crow caws ]

Frankie: When you're raising
a quirky kid,

people tell you not to worry--
they'll outgrow it.

Hey, mom. Look.

They were just gonna
throw this guy away at work,

and I saved it.

Can you believe
no one wanted him?

I love balloons.

And that's not even the kid
I was talking about.

Where are you going?

To the fridge.



Brick, I got to get this
in there.

It's frugal hoosier milk.
It may already be too late.

Now where are you going?

Taking out the trash.

How long are you gonna be?

I don't know.
10 seconds?

Is it my imagination,

or has Brick gone
a little off the deep end?

So it's not just me?

That kid has no concept
of personal space.

It's like I got
a tiny second shadow.

Plenty of room there, buddy.

Ha. That's nothing.

Brick!



It's been more than 20 minutes.

I hate to say it,
but I think he's crossed over

from quirky
into full-blown weird.

Probably a phase.

He's got to get tired of
hanging out with us sometime.

I know, right? I'm bored with us
and I'm one of us.

You guys in for the night?
Nobody's going anywhere?

Nope,
just going to bed--

boring old bed.

Okay, just keep me in the loop.

[ Door closes ]

Thank you for lunching
at Spudsy Malone's.

- Welcome to--
- Hey.

Welcome to Spudsy Malone's.

Would you like to try
our tex-mex potato

and put a little
"South of the border"

in your order?

Nah, I don't like foreign food.

Give me a pizza potato.

Here.
[ Coins clink ]

[ Sighs ]

Why is Derrick Glossner here?

It's weird. It's weird
that he's here, right?

Well, you know it's not
for the potatoes,

'cause they're not that good.

Really?

Are you saying that--

Brad, watch my register.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Gasps ] Okay, first of all,
that is not okay.

Those are for wishes.

It looks like
your wish came true.

[ Scoffs ] What is that
even supposed to mean?

Okay, look, I don't know
what you're doing here,

but if this has anything to do

with kissing me the other day
without my consent,

then I need to make it
perfectly clear

that that was not acceptable.

I mean, normal people who live
by the rules of society

do not just go around
kissing people without--

Whoa. [ Chuckles ]

Heck on the breakaway.
Passes it back to Donahue.

Donahue to Heck!

He goes up for it and...

Uh...

What is this?

Young man:
Hey, what's up?

The city snow plow
piled all this

here in front of the door,

so the owner's paying us
to move it by Saturday.

Wow. That's fascinating.
Really.

I'm actually more concerned
about the fact

you guys are wearing
Boss Co. shirts.

[ Chuckles ] You should know
there already is a Boss Co.,

and you can't act like
you're a Boss Co.

'Cause we're Boss Co.

Oh, hey, other bosses.

[ Chuckles ]
Okay, now it makes sense.

Boss Co. sidebar
right now.

Hey, not you guys.
Only bosses.

Hey, we're bosses, too.
That's the point of Boss Co.

Whoa. [ Chuckles ]

Don't explain
the Boss Co. bylaws to me.

I made the bylaws.

Darrin, get...

Could you guys
give us a second?

[ Sighs ]

What are you doing?

The three of us are
the only bosses of Boss Co.

Yeah, that was the deal.

We split everything--
50, 50, 50.

I had no other way
to make money.

You guys both
have scholarships.

I have to pay for A/C school
on my own.

Plus, dating Angel isn't cheap.

She has fancy tastes.

Every time we go
to the bowling alley,

she orders meat on our nachos.

It's a $3 add-on.

So, guys, should we maybe
get back to work?

Look, there's been
a misunderstanding.

When Darrin hired you,
he didn't realize

he did not have
the authorization to do so.

So, what it comes down to is,

the original bosses
of Boss Co. are here,

and your services
are no longer required.

So, uh, we're gonna need
those shirts.

Hey.

Okay, I don't know
what you were thinking

when you showed up
to my place of employment

and acted very inappropriately.

Now, maybe I wasn't clear
with you before,

so let me be extremely,
unmistakably, totally--

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

You want Cheerios powder
or Rice Chex dust?

I'll take half of each
with just a skosh of milk.

Brick, what are you doing
under there?

Why aren't you sleeping
in your room?

Well, I can't.
I'm a sitting duck in there.

[ Sighs ]

What is going on?

You've been acting
weirder than usual,

and that's really
saying something.

Well, you know how there was
that article in the paper

about the break-in
at Joe's Subs?

What if that happened here?

Oh. So that's what's
been bothering you?

Yeah. My bed's
right by the window.

It's the perfect entry point
for a burglar.

Brick, you're getting yourself
all worked up for nothing.

That Joe's Subs thing
was one isolated incident.

Orson is one of the safest towns
in the state.

I promise you,
nobody's breaking in here.

Think about it. Joe's Subs
has two things we don't--

money and good food.

I'd say that's it.

Boss job done.

Shovel five!

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]
Whoo!

Who are these clowns?

Where did
the other two idiots go?

The important thing is the three
true bosses of Boss Co.

have finished the job.

As you can see,
the snow pile is moved

and your customers
can now get into your store.

Yeah, they can
get in the store,

but how are they supposed to
get their cars in the garage?

- Oh.
- Right.

Is that a problem?

I need to talk to you.

Okay, you have kissed me
three times now,

and I just want to make sure
you're not going around

telling people
that we like each other

or that we're in some kind
of relationship or something,

because nothing could be
further from the truth.

There is nothing between us.

I mean, yeah, your lips
are much softer and fuller

than I imagined,

but I still do not like it.

So, uh... um...

I don't want to hear
that you're telling people

that I'm your girlfriend,
'cause I am--

I mean, it's terrifying.

He could show up here
at any time.

I can't even go in
my own front yard anymore.

Sue, I'm getting a little tired

of talking about
Derrick Glossner.

I know.

Don't you think
I'm sick of it, too?

You think I want to be
up all night

thinking about
Derrick Glossner?

I mean, I never know when
he's just gonna show up

and do something
like that again.

It's like every time
I hear a motorbike,

it's like,
"Oh, God, is that him?

Am I gonna get kissed?"

The left one.

I just don't know
what's going through his head.

He is such a rebel.

I mean, yes, he does have
a really good smell to him,

and you wouldn't expect
something like that

from a Glossner.

It's like honey and danger.

Sue, I've been here an hour,

and you haven't even
asked about me.

How's my girlfriend in Canada?

She's great.
Thanks for asking.

How come I'm not driving
my Miata?

The mechanic says
it needs a makeover. Boo.

Did I get the male lead
in the "Annie" musical?

You bet your bottom dollar
I did.

Oh, Brad.

I am so sorry.
I do care

and I want to hear everything
that's going on with you.

I didn't mean to ignore you,
and if I did, I apologize.

You know someone
who has never apologized?

Derrick Glossner.

He has now stolen
four kisses from me, and I...

[ Sighs ]

Man, this sucks.

We already moved this pile once.
I don't want to do it again.

Not like we're
getting paid twice.

And it's getting warmer out.

Wait.

Darrin, you just gave me
a great idea.

- I did?
- Yeah.

Say what you just said again.

I did?

No, the owner does not
need the pile moved

until Saturday
when he reopens the store.

If it's getting warmer out,

that gives us a couple days
to let the sun melt the pile.

Boss Co.'s putting
mother nature to work.

[ Laughs ] Whoo!

Angel: Darrin,
what are you doing?

- I thought you were working today.
Darrin: - I am.

We're waiting for this to melt
so we can get paid.

Yep. That's
what bosses do.

Employees work,
but bosses supervise.

Well, if you're gonna sit
on your butt all day,

how are you gonna be ready
to pick me up at 6:00?

You remember
what we're doing, right?

If you don't know,
I'm gonna be so mad.

All right, I don't remember.

I'd guess,
but you hate when I guess,

so why don't you just tell me?

Just make sure you wash your
truck before you pick me up.

That thing is filthy.

If you don't,
I'm gonna be--

So mad. Got it.

[ Sighs ]

Sandwich night!

[ Tablet dings ]

I got a text alert.

Oh, boy.
Building collapse in Norway.

18 dead, 47 trapped.

[ Tablet dings ]

Toxic water leak
at Japanese power plant.

Government blames dead worker.

That's not good.

Okay, seriously, Brick?

Now you're taking on
the whole world's problems?

Can't we just sit
and enjoy our dinner?

Sure, if you want to live
in denial.

We do.
[ Tablet dings ]

What was that?

Sue, what are you doing?

Oh, uh...

I thought I heard
something outside.

Why, is somebody out there?

Brick, stop worrying
and put the iPad away.

Sue, get in here and sit down.

Axl, shut it.

I didn't say anything.

Well, save that one for
the next time you want to talk.

Brick: I can't eat this.

This bread
is GMO-modified wheat,

and I read that
12% of lettuce in the US

tests positive
for fecal matter.

Bing! Text alert.

Indiana family has freak show
for little brother.

Neighbors say
it's always the dorky ones.

What was that?
Did that sound like a motorbike?

[ Sighs ]
You know what I'm worried about?

I'm worried whatever's wrong
with these two

is lying dormant in me.

[ Tablet dings ]

Well, that's just great.

Brain-eating parasite--

No, wait.
It's near here.

Nope, iPad gone.

Eat your... cheese.

I'm too nervous.

There's just so much going on

that I can't
stop thinking about.

It's kind of overwhelming.

Can I just go to bed?

Sure, whatever.

Hey.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Wait up.

Hey, uh, where's your brother?

None of your damn business!

Well, don't tell him I was
looking for him, 'cause I'm not.

I was only asking
so I could avoid him.

I don't know
if he's talked about me.

Has he?

Look, lady, I got to go.

I've been out here all day,
and my diaper's full.

Well, don't tell him
I'm out in my front yard!

Look, Brick, you're freaking
yourself out here.

The news is on
24 hours a day now,

so they got to keep
drumming up scary stuff

so people will watch.

But it's all true.

It's all stuff
that's really happening.

Sure, but what you got to do
is ignore it.

That's what I do.

Anything that's gonna
be bad news--

TV, the internet,
parent/teacher conferences--

I ignore it.

Embrace denial.
You'll be much happier.

Then, when you turn 21,
embrace beer.

[ Sighs ]
Nice parenting there, dad.

The point is,

things aren't really as bad
as they make them sound.

Did you know there's actually
fewer kidnappings now

than there were 20 years ago?

It's just 'cause
we get our news faster,

so we hear about them
more often.

So, I shouldn't be worried
about being kidnapped?

No, of course not.

Then why can't I go
to the mall by myself

or talk to strangers?

Well, you still
have to be on alert.

For what?

You know, for things
that will never happen

but you should still
be cautious about.

You just said I don't need to
worry about being kidnapped.

Why do I need to be cautious?

Look, you don't.

You shouldn't
think about it at all.

But... j-just keep it
in the back of your mind.

Look, Brick, here's the deal--
we're your parents,

and we're gonna do
all the worrying for you

so you don't have to.

That's our job.

And guess what.
I'm not worried.

So you don't need to be,
either.

All right.

I guess I can try
sleeping in my bed tonight.

- There you go.
- All right.

[ Tablet dings ]

Yikes.

[ Dog barking, metal bangs ]

[ Grunts, shouts ]

My balloon!

So, what was that about?

Well, I--
It was nothing.

I... heard a noise.

[ Sighs ]

You bark at everything else
in this house.

Where were you on that one?

Hey, don't be a hero, dad.

Next time there's an intruder,
just call the balloon police.

They'll come running in
with their pins drawn.

- [ Chuckles ]
- Wait.

You thought somebody
was breaking in.

[ Scoffs ]
Okay, it's all over.

Everything's fine.
Go to bed.

So, you are worried.

It can happen here.

No, it can't. It--

You know, this is your fault.
You know that?

You got all up in our heads
with your iPad

and your Binging,
and you ruined lettuce.

Fix him, Frankie.
I'm done.

What am I supposed to do?

Well, hi, there, buddy.

[ Sighs ] Dr. Fulton,
thank you so much

for taking the time
to see Brick over the holiday.

Well, just 'cause
school's on break

doesn't mean our feelings are.

Well, I'm gonna
head out to the car

so you two can talk.

Got a People magazine
burning a hole in my purse.

- [ Chuckles ]
- Oh, well, careful there, mom.

Obsession with celebrity
can often be a mask

for our own feelings of
depression and low self-esteem.

Oh, I know.
That's why I need the magazine.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, come on in.

[ Cats meowing ]

Sit anywhere you'd like.

Your mom filled me in on
what's been going on with you,

and it seems like
some pretty heavy-duty stuff.

So what do you think's up?

What do you think's giving you
this case of the bummers?

It's just...

These bad thoughts
get in my head,

and then there's no room
for the good thoughts,

and then I start thinking maybe
because of all the bad thoughts,

I'll never have
a good thought again.

Which also worries me.

[ Cat meows ]

Not now, Minnie.
I'm working.

Well, Brick, we all have to
learn to live with fear.

You know, that includes
this guy right here.

I mean, for me, it's Shelly.

I mean, I fear
that she may marry

the guy she's dating right now

just because
he's decisive and buff.

You know, but if she decides
to ruin her life like that,

I just have to accept it
and move on,

which isn't to say
that I'll meet someone.

I mean,
not someone like Shelly.

I mean, no one can be Shelly.

I guess what I'm trying
to say, Brick,

is I very well may die alone.

[ Cats yowling ]
Guys, work it out.

They fight over
who gets the sunbeam.

It's not just
normal fears, though.

In any situation, I immediately
go to the worst-case scenario

and I don't know
how to stop it.

Well, there are
many possible treatments.

Some doctors
like to use hypnosis

to put you in a deep state
of relaxation.

Hmm.
What if I don't wake up?

Then again, other doctors
just prefer simple exercise.

Exercise?

Oh, it's great
for dealing with anxiety.

You know, when those
bad thoughts come,

you just get up
and move around.

Get the blood going.

You know what?
Maybe go for a jog.

Yeah, over to Shelly's house.

And while you're there,
let me know if you see

that butt-faced
ponytailed barista, hmm?

God, this is the unmeltingest
pile of snow I've ever seen.

[ Groans ]

Our science was perfect.

It was melting yesterday.

Yeah, well,
it froze solid last night.

Oh, I've never hated
anything in my life

more than this snow pile.

Don't forget Darrin.

Oh, right.

It's a tie between Darrin
and the snow pile.

Okay, here's
what you're gonna do.

First, you're gonna
ask for a few extra days

due to weather-related issues
beyond our control.

After that, you're gonna
go down to Orson Hardware

and pick up a bag of rock salt.

No, you go to Orson Hardware.

You pick up a bag of salt.

I'm tired of people
bossing me around--

you guys, Angel.

"Don't wear that ugly shirt."

"Don't walk around outside
in socks."

"Don't hold my hand
after eating Cheetos."

I'm supposed to be a boss,
but I'm a boss of nothing.

Well, from now on,

I'm gonna start thinking about
what I want.

Wow.

Air-conditioning school
has really changed that guy.

Mm.

[ Engine rumbling ]

Don't bother.
I already stole your mail.

Okay.

Clearly, you have been
spending a lot of time

in front of my house,

and whatever this thing is
that's happening--

that's not happening--

it's not happening.

Got it? Good.

So we're clear now.

'Cause I don't want to
have to say it again.

Sue.

Well, that came out of nowhere.

We had high hopes
Brick's visit with Dr. Fulton

had done the trick
and we'd find him

sleeping peacefully in bed.

But the higher the hopes,
the farther the fall.

Check under the table.

[ Keyboard clacking ]

What's going on, Brick?

I thought you were gonna
sleep in your bed.

Oh, hey.

Actually, I was asleep in bed,
and then I woke up

and started to worry about
the Asian stock market.

It opens early, you know.

Of course.

Well, I started to feel
a little anxious,

so, taking Dr. Fulton's advice,

I came out here
to do some jumping jacks,

and while I got
the jumping part right,

when it came to the jacks, my
coordination was a little off,

and I bumped into
the fireplace,

and mom's royal baby goblet
fell and broke.

- Brick.
- That's okay.

I wanted to fix it,

so I Googled
"Gluing a broken goblet,"

and it took me to
this interesting web page

about Buddhism.

It said a person should imagine

the things they love
broken and destroyed

because in the future,

everything ends up
that way anyway.

Okay.

So, I imagined
the house burned down

and you and Sue and Axl
all dead

and all my books gone

and I had no one left
in the world,

and it started to make me
feel better.

It did?

Yeah. Suddenly,
things made sense.

It's like
this Buddhist guy says.

"You see this goblet?

For me, it is already broken.

I enjoy it.

I drink out of it.

But when I put this glass
on the shelf

and the wind knocks it over
and it shatters,

I say, 'Of course.'

When I understand that
the glass is already broken,

every moment with it
is precious."

So I've decided, from now on,

I want to spend
every moment I can

with the things I cherish most.

So, I'll be in my room
with my books.

Try not to bother me.

It wasn't the most reassuring
philosophy,

but it worked for Brick,
so we were happy.

Unfortunately,
it didn't quite work for Axl.

It's a different way
of looking at it.

Imagine the store
not opening on Saturday.

See? The worst outcome
has already happened.

Now, don't you feel better?

You're fired.

Well, I already imagined that,
so I'm not upset.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Disgusted ] Oh.

What are you doing here,
Derrick Glossner?

Look.

I know you think me kissing you
four times was--

Five times.

Yeah, well,
don't worry about it,

'cause I'm not gonna
kiss you again.

Good, 'cause it's gross

and I do not think about it
at night while I fall asleep.

Look, I've been
thinking about this.

I'm used to just taking
what I want when I want it.

Uh-huh.

Thing is, I know I'm not
worthy of you yet.

I will be someday.

I want to make something
of myself--

like a roofer
or a landscaper's assistant.

And then I'm coming back
for you, Sue Heck.

And when I do,
I'm gonna kiss you so hard,

I'll knock your braces off.

[ Baseball bat clatters ]

Luckily, like everything else
in our house,

we can easily imagine
our mailbox broken.

Turns out, we've been Buddhist
for years.