The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 6 - Halloween III: The Driving - full transcript

Halloween...

the most terrifying time of the year,

where frightening horrors
lurk around every corner.

I got my learners permit!

I'm 18!
I get to pick the president!

I signed you up
to work at the Halloween fair.

Brick, why would you
volunteer me at school?

You know the line...
"sorry, my mom works long hours.

We hardly ever see her."
I made you memorize it.

Well, I thought it was okay since
you're not working now.

You didn't tell people that, did you?



If they know I'm not working,

I'm gonna get calls for everything.

Mike, do not answer the phone.

Never do.

Maintaining safe speed.

Obstruction in the road.

Checking mirrors.
Applying brake.

Beep!

Checking mirrors.

Re-entering traffic.

Enough practicing, Sue!

You're gonna have to learn
to drive a real car.

I'm not driving you around forever

listening to one direction.



I'm starting to like
a couple of those songs.

You guys...

after my near-death experience

accidentally driving the Donahues' car,

I am not getting behind the wheel again

until I feel completely prepared
for any situation.

Hey, Sue. Just a heads up,

traffic in the family room is horrible.

Good tip.

I'll take the hallway.

Hey, Brick,

what's this I got
in the mail that you didn't?

It's a voter guide,

sent personally to me, Axl Redford Heck,

signifying my readiness
to take my rightful place

among the adult,

president-choosing citizens
of our country.

Do you even know who you're voting for?

Not yet. I'll wait
till I hear 'em all sing,

and then I'll text in my choice.

Good idea. Your vote
shouldn't count anyway.

Eh, good enough.

Hi, Frankie!

I see a happy Halloween in your future!

Nancy, you look great!

Thanks.

I saw it in a catalog, sewed it myself,

and saved 14 bucks.

And you look...

Well, I already got halfway dressed,

and I couldn't find
the rest of my costume,

so, yep. I'm raggedy mouse.

I think it's fantastic.
Very creative.

Thank you!

You know, I cannot get it up
for Halloween this year.

I think losing my job
and starting school...

it just all feels like too much.

I'm supposed to take Brick
trick-or-treating.

I just want to open a box of wine

and stay home.

I'll take him for you.

I'm taking Dottie and Shelly already,

so it would be no trouble
to have Brick come along.

Really? I could
pawn him off on you?

You don't think that makes me a bad mom?

I don't think that does, no.

We're not exactly
moving a lot of fish here.

What happens to all the leftovers?

I know times are tough,

but I'm not eating goldfish for dinner.

Well, apparently, fish mom
gets to bring home the fish.

Fish mom should take 'em down the hall

to porcelain pond.

Check me out. Just read
this whole book, cover to cover.

Wow. First "Cat In The Hat,"
and now this.

Hey, you told me to get informed.

But this is, like, way harder
than I thought it was gonna be.

Seriously, sheriff?
How do you pick?

I like this guy 'cause
he's serious about crime.

But then this other guy's
gonna get tough on crime.

What sheriff are you guys gonna vote for?

We haven't really made up our minds yet.

What about the city council?

You liking Paul Delvecchio
or Jennifer Farley?

Yeah, I'm leaning toward Delvecchio.

Are you?
Are you really?

'Cause they're both people
from Jersey Shore.

You guys haven't even
looked at this, have you?

Okay, so maybe we don't always
vote for the little offices,

but we vote for the big guys,
like president.

You know, maybe it's a good thing

that he's studying up on the sheriffs.

He's never gonna meet a president,

but I bet money you're gonna
run into a sheriff some day.

Might want to take a look
at those judges, too.

You two are what's wrong with America.

Maybe he's right.

Mom, dad,

I have done a lot of driving practice,

and I think I am finally ready
to take the next step.

Finally. About time
you get out there and...

Picking a keychain!

Which one do you guys like?

I've been collecting them over the years,

and now that I'm gonna drive,
it's finally time to choose.

This one's "one direction."
"I 'heart' New York."

I've got, like, four "Brown County" ones.

This one says
"I'm going commando."

I don't really get it,
but I do support the military.

Why don't you take the one
shaped like a key

and put it in the ignition?

I just want to be prepared.

I'm not ready.

I can't even narrow my keychains
down to a top three.

Sue, you are ready.

Remember when you didn't want
to take your training wheels

off your bike, and we made you?

What happened then?

My God.

This situation is very similar
to that situation.

I can do this.

I am gonna go drive a car.

Ha!

I'll be waiting outside.

No.

You're the one that gave
the great speech. Get out there.

Rock paper scissors?

I worked the fish booth.
Have fun.

I thought mom was coming with me.

Well, we rock-paper-scissored
for it.

And you won?

Sure.
Let's go with that.

Okay. Start her up.

Okay. Now put it
in reverse.

Dad, hold on. I have to
go through my checklist first.

Mirrors... check.

Signal...

Check.

Wipers...

Check.

How are the weather conditions?

We're not flying
cross-country.

We're going around the block.

This is my process.

Hands at 10:00 and 2:00...
Check.

Dad, I saw that.
You're making me nervous.

I don't want you
looking at me. Look away.

What?

Look away.

Is the brake in the right position?

How am I supposed to tell
when I'm looking away?

Okay, you can look, and then look away.

Okay, Sue, this is nuts.

You do realize
when you're out on the road,

other drivers are gonna be watching you?

That's the deal with driving.
Everybody looks at each other.

I just want to be prepared for
every single possible situation.

There's a million unpredictable
things that can happen.

Well, now you're making me scared.

Well, don't be. When you drive,
you have to be confident.

You can't just tell someone
to be confident!

Okay, enough. Let's go.
You're gonna run out of gas.

Okay, let me just run
through my checklist first.

No, no more checklists.

Just go. Come on.
Pull out now. Pull out.

What the hell are you doing?!

The car's already going!

I'm s... it's...
I just thought...

Okay... mm.

I'm never driving with you again!

Wha...

So the next day, we tried it again

with a gentler approach.

Can I go over my checklist?

Sure, honey, that's a great idea.

Whatever makes you comfortable.

Brakes... check.

Mirrors...

Check.

Signals...

Check.

This is gonna be fun,

A couple of chicks out driving
like "Thelma & Louise."

I mean the beginning of that movie, but...

You know what?
Don't see it.

All right, then.
Here we go.

Why don't you start the car?

Now you're gonna want
to shift into reverse.

Stop rushing me!

My God!

You're worse than dad!

Honey.

Honey!

So I couldn't teach my daughter to drive,

and I let my neighbor take
my son trick-or-treating.

But Halloween wasn't a complete bust.

Trick or treat!

There you go.

Thanks.

Yeah. Thanks.

Hey, mom.

Whoop.

Hey, Brick.
You're back already,

How was it?

Awesome.

Mrs. Donahue brought
thermoses of apple cider,

and then she took us to Orson Heights.

Everyone was giving out
full-sized candy bars,

and the houses are huge.

Have you ever considered moving there?

Come on. Unload the loot.

Mama's jonesing for a Kit Kat.

Brick, that is a buttload of candy.

I know.

By my calculations,

I should have enough
to eat a piece every day

for the next year and a half.

But you are not eating all this candy.

Okay, tell you what...
we'll make a deal.

You can eat as much as you want

for the next 24 hours,

and then we're sending the rest
to the soldiers overseas.

Fine.

All right? Come on.
Time for bed.

So another Halloween had come and gone,

and I, for one, was relieved.

Mom, I did it.
I completed your challenge.

Challenge? What challenge?

I ate all my candy in 24 hours,

just like you said.

You told him to eat all his candy?

No!

You said I had to finish it.

No, I didn't!

I thought he would eat some, get sick,

and not want the rest.

You know, like when
someone starts smoking,

and you... you force them to smoke
an entire carton of cigarettes.

Not really helping your case
for mother of the year.

How in the world could you possibly

have eaten all that candy?

It wasn't easy, but I powered through.

There's nothing left?

Not even a tootsie roll?

You know, for the soldiers.

I'm actually not feeling too well.

If I still feel like this tomorrow,

can I stay home from school?

You're not skipping school

'cause your mom made you eat
a ton of candy.

And don't you dare say that at school.

We're already in the system.

Come on, mom.

I'm leaving the driveway this time.

I can feel it.

- What's this?
- Check it out.

This guy's running for city council.

His name's Harry Butts.

Like, seriously.
It's his real name.

How could we not
put this sign up? Right?

I mean you get why
that's funny, right, dad?

Yeah, I think I can crack that code.

I am calm...

confident, and in control.

I am ready!

I am not ready.

What's the holdup?

She says she's not ready.

Come on, Sue. You can do it.
Just go.

I will. I just need
to do my checklist first.

- Go!
- Stop it, Axl!

Honey, come on.

- I will. I will.
- All right.

- Just put it in gear.
- Come on.

If you just do it, it's
gonna get easier every time.

This is annoying!

- Okay!
- There you go.

That's it. Ease out.

Hey, hey, hey! You're on his foot!

Back up!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Put it in gear!
Keep going! Back up!

Move it forward!
What are you doing?!

- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Is it "stop" or is it "go"?

- Go forward! Go one way or the other!
- Move! Move!

- You're on his foot!
- Go! Get it off of my foot!

Just let me do my checklist!

- Sue, just get out.
- Come here.

My foot! Sue!

My God! Hurry up!

I told you I wasn't ready.

Person on crutches coming through.

Does it hurt?

Let's see.
I had a car on my foot.

Yeah. It hurts.

Is he gonna be able to play football?

Not for a while.
Lucky it's just a sprain.

Doctors said if he would have broken it,

he'd have been out
for the rest of the season.

Which would have meant
good-bye, scholarship.

Hey, Axl,

I just wanted to say...

Get her out!

I just wanted to say I am so stupid.

Get her out!

What?

I'd been dreading the fallout
from Brick's candy binge,

and as sure as you can say
"creamy nougat caramel center,"

the call came.

Well, that was the school.

Brick's teacher wants to see us.

Great.

I forced him to go to school
after Halloween,

and he probably threw up

and told everyone I made him
eat all his candy.

I'm out of chips!

Not now, Axl!

God, and we'd made it
all the way to November

without getting a call
from Brick's teacher.

That was a new record for us.

Hello! Chips!

Well, someone's
gonna have to go down there.

Somebody? You're the one
who challenged Brick

to eat 20 pounds of candy.

It wasn't a challenge.

Chips!

Okay.

One, two...

Fine. I'm going.

You probably have an idea
of why I called you in.

I might.

You see, Brick came in
the day after Halloween...

Okay, I don't know what he told you,

but I can explain.

I wasn't even there.
Somebody else took him.

Gave him this huge pillowcase...

He's been great.

What? He has?

Let me tell you a little about myself.

I am the type of person
who likes things a certain way.

I have no use
for outside-the-box thinking.

Needless to say,

I have not been a big fan of Brick.

Yeah, he's pretty far outside that box.

But since the day after Halloween,

Brick has been a dream.

All his whispering and whooping gone.

Wow.

You know, when you called me in here,

I thought...

You know what?
I interrupted you.

Go on.

Has Brick been put
on any medication recently?

Sort... of?

Don't need to know.
Just more paperwork.

The point is, whatever you're doing,

keep it up.

Okay, here's what I'm thinking...

a cupcake for breakfast,
twinkies for lunch,

and we sneak some M&M's

into his hamburger meat at dinner.

He's not a dog, Frankie.

Hi, mom. Hi, dad.
How was work today, dad?

Fine.

Would you like to hear
about my day? It was great.

I played some four square
with some kids at recess,

and then we shot some hoops after school.

Anyways, I'm gonna go pick up my room now.

If you guys wanna do
anything later, let me know.

Wouldn't want to leave this out
where someone could trip on it.

That kid has a year and a half of candy

- coursing through his veins.
- He's more sugar than boy.

But it's made him... normal.

I'm telling you, we have
stumbled onto something here.

It's like "Lorenzo's oil."
People should know about this.

Frankie, nobody ever
needs to know about this.

Brick might have been on a high,

but Sue was on a low.

With one disastrous car ride,
Sue managed to not only put

Axl's football career in jeopardy,

but also Orson High's perfect record.

Touchdown, warriors.

You know who would have stopped that guy?

- Axl.
- Yeah, he would have.

I can't believe his stupid
sister ran over his foot.

I didn't even know he had a sister.

How do you even run over someone's foot?

If we lose this game tonight,
it is all her fault!

This is the worst thing
that's ever happened.

- I know!
- Totally!

This doesn't just ruin his life!

Now she ruined the whole school!

♪ And everybody hurts ♪

♪ sometimes ♪

♪ sometimes everything is wrong ♪

♪ Now it's time to sing along ♪

♪ when your day is night alone ♪
♪ hold on ♪

Hey, Axl.

Bologna,

That's a great choice.

Hey, you know, I can carry that stuff.

It'd be no problem.

Haven't you done enough already?

First, you knock me out of football,

now you gotta brag about
how you're able to carry stuff?

No.

I mean, I can carry it for you.

Look, Axl,

I know how much football means to you,

and I would never do
anything to ruin that,

or your chance of getting
a college scholarship.

I am so very sorry,

very, very, very sorry
for spraining your foot.

I mean, if I could go back

a-and run over
my own foot with the car,

I would, but I don't think
it's physically possible

to do that from the driver's seat.

Well, if anyone could do it, you could.

Wait. Did you vote
for Harry Butts today?

No, I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

But today is election day.

It's only one day?

Damn it!

How am I supposed to
get to the election place?

I can't drive, and nobody's home!

Fine. You can take me.

What?! I can't do that!

- Hey, you owe me this.
- But I can't.

I am a danger to everyone on the road...

even near the road.

Look, this is important.

My whole life, people have been
telling me what to do...

"Sit up straight!"
"That cup's not a toilet!"

"Clean your room!"

Well, now I finally have a say.

Now...

I get to tell America to clean its room.

But I'm scared.
What if I mess up again?

Sue, let me tell you why I'm so awesome.

You see, even when I have
no idea what I'm doing,

I pretend I do. That's why
I'm good at everything.

This guy Harry Butts...
He should be living in a hole.

But he has the guts

to put his name on signs all over town

and run for office.
If he can do that,

then you gotta step it up and get me there

so I can vote for him.

Do it for America!

I just love America so much.

I'll do it!

But wait...
I need an adult in the car.

Voting is a big responsibility.

That's why I'm voting for Truman.

I'm driving!

Good, then I'm not.

So Mr. Walker was teaching
a lesson on fractions

and stopped to ask if everyone understood.

And then I said,

"I think we get about 3/4
of what you're saying,

maybe 7/8."

Yeah, everyone had
a good laugh at that one,

even Mr. Walker.

Can I take your plates to the kitchen?

- Sure.
- Sure.

Wow. He's great, isn't he?

I know.

It's weird, though, right?

My God. It's so weird.

I mean, he's engaged and connecting,

but without his quirks,
he's just not Brick.

One more thing.

There's a permission slip in the...

Hey, buddy. You okay?

Can someone bring me a book?

Brick, you said something
about a permission slip?

If people are allergic to bees,

can bees be allergic to people?

Whoop!

Maybe we can give him a little sugar,

on special occasions.

Like SATs or college interviews?

- School dances?
- That's a good one.

Where's the girl with the bathing suits

I wanted to try on?

Democracy rules!

Give me my sticker.

But the most important vote
that Axl cast that day

was the vote of confidence in his sister.

I did my checklist while you were voting,

so we are ready to roll.

Here.

So Axl had forgiven Sue...

sort of.

And sugar-free Brick
was a lot more

like the one we were used to.

Yep, it looked like things

might just be getting back to normal.

Brick?

You gonna get the...

Never mind.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Axl's mom.

No. Really?

It's the doctor.

He showed the film to a specialist.

Axl's foot isn't sprained.

It's broken.

Like I said...

It's a scary time of year.