The Middle (2009–2018): Season 3, Episode 18 - Leap Year - full transcript

out here in the middle,

We spend a lot of time.

Running our kids around
to lots of activities,

But the only thing worse
than having too many activities.

Is having no activities.

I'm bored.

You could vacuum.

You're hilarious.

Why don't you read a book?

Why don't you
read a book? Ooh.

Leave that open. The cool air
feels good on my feet.



You know, what else might feel
good is soap and a washcloth.

Oh, this sucks.
Basketball's over.

Baseball season
hasn't started yet.

I need a hug. But not from you...
from some hot chick.

Hey, did you see your dad
this morning?

I don't know
what's up with him.

He came home
after I went to bed last night,

And then he left really early
this morning...

Ohh, what you're saying
is boring!

Hey, sue! You wanna
do something with me?

What's happening?

He's bored.

Well, I am not bored,

'cause I'm too busy
thinking about my birthday...



My once-every-four-years
leap year birthday.

"Leap year"? Don't you mean
"lame-p year"?

Oh, God. I'm so bored,
I can't even insult my sister.

You regular birthday-ed
don't understand.

What it's like for us leapers.

I only get to celebrate
my actual birthday.

Once every four years,
so this is big. And, mom?

This year, I've decided I want
it to be a surprise party.

It doesn't work that way.

If you ask
for a surprise party,

It's not really
gonna be a surprise.

That's okay. I promise
to be totally surprised.

Every time we watch "up,"

I'm still surprised
when the house floats away.

Sue, remember the deal.

We already gave you
the Justin Bieber tickets,

So you're just getting.

A cheap, old-fashioned
non-surprise birthday party.

Ohh.

Okay. I get it. Sure, I am.

You are, on your birthday,
I'm telling you.

Uh-huh. Right. Gotcha.

What are you doing?

I'm winking.

That's both eyes.

Really? Huh.

Okay, well,
I'm gonna be in my room.

- If you want to make any...
- secret plans.

Sue, we're not having
a surprise party.

I'm totally believing you.

Now, brick, can you think
of something you could say.

To compliment Henry?

I like your shirt.

Thank you!

I don't really like his shirt.

Remember how we talked about
using our internal editor?

Oh, I did. I don't like
his shoes, either.

Okay.

There she is.
Come in, come in, come in.

Boys, we have a new member
of our social skills group.

Everyone say "hi" to hayley.

Hi.

Well, hello there.

It's a girl!

What the hell?

I know. Are you happy?
This is how bored I am.

Wow.

Can you be bored in the hallway
where brick was eating cheerios?

Hey, brick.

Oh, shoot.
They forgot yours.

Mm.

Well, here. Have two fries.

Use extra ketchup
so you get your vegetables.

So... How was social group?

Interesting. We got a girl.

A girl? Really?
What's her issue?

I don't know.
She makes eye contact,

She never has her hands
in her pants,

And everything she eats
is food.

Wow. The big three.
Sounds like a clerical error.

That's what I'm thinking.

Mm. Hey, is your dad home?

Nope. I actually haven't
seen him much in a couple days.

His role in my life
has really dwindled.

Maybe he couldn't take it
any more and finally left.

Frankly, I give him credit
for staying this long.

Hey.

Where you been?

I told you, I had some stuff
to do at work. Go back to sleep.

What? What are you
talking about?

Since when do you have to work
till 3:00 in the morning?

It's nothing. Shh.

No. No, this is seriously
getting weird, Mike.

What's happening?
Are you having an affair?

And if you are,

Could you please come in
more quietly from now on?

It's no big deal.

If it's no big deal,
why can't you tell me?

What's going on?

Nothing.

It's just...

There's... there's this cat
at the quarry's been sick,

So I've been looking after him.
It's not a big deal. Go to bed.

Wait, wait, wait. "A cat"?
What do you mean, "a cat"?

I don't understand.
You have a cat?

He's not my cat. It's...
Just a cat that comes by.

Yeah, I took him
to the vet, but...

You're taking a cat to the vet?

Brick didn't poop for
three weeks. You didn't notice.

Well, limestone's
been pretty sick.

You named him?

I didn't name him.
I just call him that.

So how long have you had
your pet cat limestone?

It's not my cat.

I don't know. Seven years?

Are you serious? How come
I'm just hearing about this?

'Cause there's nothing to hear.
It's boring.

Look, I just think it's kind of
odd that this never came up.

If I had a cat at work,

I would be telling you
all kinds of stories about him.

And that would be boring.

What?

It's nice.

It's cute thinking about
you taking care of a cat.

It humanizes you.

I need to be humanized?

Little bit.

Were you gonna say
"good night," Mike?

I said "good night" to him
at the quarry.

I meant, to me.

Oddly, introducing a girl
into this group of oddballs.

Focused them in a way.

That making pudding
and building legos never had.

I feel very excited right now,
and I don't know why!

Hayley, did you know
that "lego" comes.

From the Danish word leg godt,
which means "play well"?

It also means
"I put together" in Latin.

So even if it was a clerical
error, nobody minded.

It's almost like
she was an angel.

Sent to unify
this band of lost boys...

Theo, will you pass me
those yellow pieces?

Ow!

And bite them.

She's a biter!

Who cares?
who cares?

hey!

Check it out. I found
all these sick attachments!

locked and loaded. Huh?

Boo!

it's like a slot machine!

Hey, any winnings
belong to the house.

So listen, sue,
I need you to tell me.

What friends
you want to have over.

And what kind of cake you want,
and not to influence you,

But I do have a box of yellow
in the cabinet.

It's just add water, so...

Roger that. No surprise party.
That's why Axl is vacuuming.

Sue, seriously, we're not
having a surprise party.

Right. Gotcha.

We're just gonna have
a regular dinner on my birthday,

A day that only comes
once every four years.

Sue, I can't
stress this enough.

We're not having
a surprise party.

Is exactly what
someone would say,

Who's planning
a surprise party.

Oy.

Oh, no. Brick,
did you know about this?

This says they're ending
social group.

Because of budget cuts.

They can't do this.
You're not fixed yet.

What?
But I love social group.

You do?

Hey! Check it out!
It does curtains, too!

I don't know the men
in this house at all.

We gotta save social group.

How?

Well, the school won't pay
for the janitor.

To stay late and keep the school
open any more, so I think...

Maybe they'll let us
lock up the school ourselves.

You guys know
why we're here, right?

My mom says I'm normal.

She's lying.

What does the janitor do,
anyways?

Cleans up our barf.

Well, what if
we promise not to barf?

I can't do that.
I have acid reflux from nerves.

I say we raise the money
to pay the janitor ourselves.

Meow.

Zack's on board.

Sometimes, I pretend
to have a rock store.

At home in my basement.
We could sell them.

My dad pays me to leave the room
when I'm annoying him!

I'm guessing that's a really
steady stream of income.

We could tell
all our grandmothers.

That our birthday's coming up.

That would be 7
$5 checks right there.

I've changed my mind
about my rocks.

I don't want to sell them.

Maybe we can...

Okay, okay, okay.

We're off to
a really good start here.

All in favor of taking a break.

And going to see
what hayley's doing...

Corey, we have a problem?

No, my hands are in my pants.

Then we're good.

What are you? An animal?
I just vacuumed in here.

- oh, I'm sorry.
- Am I making a mess?

- Mm. Check me out.
- I can eat off my chest.

mmm.

Oh, bam! Nailed it!

God.

Mom?

I talked with the other guys,
and we've decided.

To raise the money ourselves
to save social group.

Really?

Here's our thoughts.

Oh. Wow. That's a lot
of interesting ideas.

"Rocket ship rides"...

"finding treasure
with a metal detector"...

Oh. "Designing a fleet
of helper robots."

That'll never turn
against mankind."

That was mine.

Hmm. How about something
a little simpler,

Like a car wash or bake sale?

Great idea, mom.
Run with that. I trust you.

No, brick, I'm not...

It's fine. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna micromanage you.

Oh, mom, they only gave us one egg roll.
I call it!

Axl, it's
my leap year birthday week!

Mom, Axl's licking my leap year
birthday week egg roll!

Axl, give your sister
her birthday week egg roll.

Chinese, huh?

Mm. Coupon.
You're home from work late.

Were you were limestone?

Who's limestone?

Nobody.

He's a cat.

We have a cat?

How long have we had a cat?

It's not our cat.
It's your dad's cat.

Dad has a cat? Where?
At work.

It's your dad's work cat
that he never told us about.

Hey. How come you get a cat,
and we don't?

Can you bring him home?
Can I feed him?

Can he sleep in my room?

Why does he get to sleep
in your room?

I'm the one with no friends.

Nobody's getting the cat.
The cat is dead.

Our cat died?!

Oh, Mike, what happened?

Well, he was so weak,
he couldn't even eat or drink,

So I was kind of holding him,

Feeding him milk
with an eyedropper,

Felt him sort of shudder,
and I looked in his eyes,

And he let out one last
little meow, and... He was gone.

So wrapped him in my shirt,
took him down to the west berm.

Where he liked
to lay in the sun,

And, uh, dug a hole
and buried him.

So what's this?
Chow mein?

Frankie, I'm fine.

I know, but just so you know,
I'm here.

yes, I see you here.

And if you need to talk...

Mm. There's nothing
to talk about. I'm fine.

Okay, 'cause you seem
a little tense.

I'm tense 'cause I'm trying
to spit, and you're in my way.

You mind?

Okay.

'cause if you're sad,
it's okay to be sad.

I know that. I'd be sad
if I was sad, but I'm not sad.

Ohh.

So the next few days,
Mike continued to not be sad.

Hey, where's your dad?

I told him the game was on,
but he didn't want to watch.

Then he took two beers
and went into the garage.

You're watching the game?

I'm counting the dribbles.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I just vacuumed! Phone books!

You're not watching
the purdue game?

I'm building a shelf.

You're sad. Why can't you
just admit that you're sad?

It's annoying.

Well, I think it's annoying.

That you're bugging me
when I'm building a shelf.

I'm not trying to be annoying.

It's just that I sense
that you're holding things in,

And if you wanted to talk
about it, I want to, you know...

Help you process this.

Frankie, it was just a cat.

Named limestone.

And he died.
In your arms.

Nothing to process.

Except profound feelings
of loss, grief, and pain.

Mike, just let it out. It never
needs to leave this garage.

Well, I need to
leave this garage.

Gotta get my hair cut.

Well, I would like to give you
a hug. Can I give you a hug?

Oh.

Okay. Are we good?
Can I go get my hair cut now?

phone books!

Okay. Axl.

Now I'm not saying you have to
tell me anything, but...

If a bunch of people happened
to be coming over today,

How would I want to dress?

Would it be more casual
or dressy?

Is there a theme?
Is it "Hollywood"?

Well...
I can't tell you much,

But you're gonna want
to go wait in the basement.

Wait. Right now?

Damn it, sue!

I wasn't supposed
to say anything.

Now go in there
so I don't get in trouble.

What am I supposed to do?

- It's not ready yet.
- just wait.

okay.

This is so exciting!

what's wrong?

My barber's moving
to a damn salon.

Okay. So follow him
to another salon.

I'm not gonna do that, Frankie.

I'm not gonna get my hair cut
at a place called "the gossip."

I just... j...

The cat, my barber...
everything I care about, gone.

Your cat and your barber
are everything you care about?

And the colts. That's it.
I'm done loving things.

Turns out the other mothers
weren't that psyched.

To help a bunch
of socially disorganized kids.

Hold a car wash,

But they were only too happy.

To dump 'em all on me
for four hours.

Uh, sorry about that.

They're still getting
the hang of this.

Here's your $5 back.
And take a bundt cake.

Frankie...

Your daughter's
in the basement.

She wants to know
if she can come out.

Ahh...

Ahh...

Aah!

Hmm.

sorry about that.

Your car will be in the shop
two hours, tops.

Roses are red.
Everything else should be.

I only eat red food. Do you want
a tomato slice from my lunch?

No.

Hey. They sewed your socks
to your underwear.

That's smart. That way,
you'll never lose them.

I guess.

I can reach anything.

On the bottom rung
of the vending machine.

Would you like
some certs or a comb?

I wouldn't mind a comb.

Hmm.

Stick with me. I'm sort of
a big fish in a weird pond.

Hey! Where are you going?!

Just keep walking.
Pretend you can't hear him.

He's taking her away!

Hayley, use my sponge!
I want to wash a car with hayley!

- She's coming with me!
- me.

These guys all have problems,
but don't tell 'em I told you!

Ow!

Oh! Bite me! Bite me!

Don't listen to him.
You can bite whoever you want.

Yeah! Bite me!

Hey, hey, hey! Stop that!
Social skills!

Remember your social skills!

Nice, brick.

I gave up my whole day.

And organized
that stupid fund-raiser

'cause I thought you wanted
to save social group.

I thought you cared!

Nope, I just like hayley.

Hey, a cute girl
who's a little strange.

Just plops into my lap?
That doesn't happen every day.

The pretty ones usually
have it all together.

great.

I'm wet, my feet are freezing,
I got cake down my shirt...

I'm taking a shower
and going to bed.

It's only 7:00.
I don't care!

Mike. Mike. Wake up.

We forgot sue's birthday.

Huh? What are you
talking about?

The leap year day.
I think it's today.

Like, yesterday today.
We missed it.

How could you forget
her birthday?

It's leap year. We don't
usually have this day, and...

You forgot, too, you know.

Sue. Sue, wake up.

hey. Happy Birthday.

Oh, my God.

Oh, what a surprise.

Oh, you got me so good.

Yeah, we got you good.

Oh, and I cried myself
to sleep for nothing.

wait. Where's Axl and brick?

Oh. They're the second wave
of the surprise.

Ooh.

Oh, should I open
my presents now?

Um, you bet.

Ohh.

Get up. Get up.
It's your sister's birthday.

What?

Come on.
Just get up and act happy.

surprise.

Ohh.

Presents!

Aah!

- oh!
- The Bumblebee sweater I wanted!

- Matt loves me in yellow!
- Aw, thanks, mom.

You are very welcome.

- Your old phone.
- my new phone! Aah!

Hello? Yes, this is sue.

Why, yes, this is
my leap year birthday.

Oh, that's not for you...
Unless you like it.

- Why? Is it a clue?
- oh.

Are you whisking me
away somewhere?

Yes!

To...

The kitchen! For cake!

Yay!
Aah! Yay!

cake.

we got you good.

Hey, sue,
it's carly on the phone.

Aah! Carly!

hello?

How long have you
known about this?

You haven't
said a word all week.

What?

Huh.

Here it is.

- patchwork cake.
- I saw this on "cake boss"! Aah!

♪ happy ♪

♪ birthday to sue ♪

♪ Happy Birthday to sue ♪

♪ Happy Birthday, dear sue ♪

♪ Happy Birthday to sue ♪.

Don't forget to make a wish.

What could I wish for?
I got everything I ever wanted.

God bless sue.

As I looked at her
blowing out the bathroom candle.

On her patchwork car wash cake,

I felt like sometimes
I didn't deserve her,

But the good thing about having.

Somebody that optimistic
in the family.

Is that her optimism
rubs off on all of us.

Thanks for helping out
tonight, brick.

Hey, how often do you get to
eat cake at 4:00 in the morning?

Mm.
So you like this girl, huh?

Mom.

No, you know, here's the thing.

You liking someone
is actually very social,

So that's a good thing,

And I shouldn't have been
so negative about it. I'm sorry.

I feel like maybe
next week she'll bite me.

Here's hopin'.

Yep. Sue's optimism
even rubbed off on Mike.

Hey. You look like
a tough little guy.

Kind of like granite.

Come here, granite.

I get it.

I'm the same way.
Take your time.

Turns out Mike wasn't quite
done loving things after all.