The Middle (2009–2018): Season 3, Episode 16 - The Concert - full transcript

The Middle Season 3 Episode 16

Every generation has its teen idol
that the parents just don't get.

Aah! Oh, my God!

You're never gonna believe it,

Justin Bieber's coming to Indianapolis,

and tickets go on sale, can
I please go? Please?

She wants to get tickets to the
Justin Bieber concert in Indianapolis.

How did you get that from that?

Aw. Here's the thing, Sue.

Concert tickets are really expensive,

and we just don't have
the money right now.



Not that we're gonna
have it in the future,

but we definitely don't have it now.

Daddy? Can I ask you something?

Divide-and-conquer doesn't work if
the parents are in the same room.

Ugh! If I can figure out a
way to come up with the money,

then can we go?

Knock yourself out.

While you're at it, see if you can
find enough for a kitchen remodel.

Dad. Can you sign this form
for my teacher, Ms. Tibbits?

"Tibbits"? What happened
to Mr. Wilkerson?

He's still at Occupy Indy.

We have Ms. Tibbits now.

Let me see.

It's so I can do the spelling bee.



I'm going all the way
to nationals this year.

Wow, you sound pretty confident.

Are you sure you just don't want
to take another family road trip?

No, I really want to
win the spelling bee.

Okay, I'll sign this, but
I want to make sure

you're doing it for the right reasons--
a big old trophy

and the satisfaction of
defeating your enemies.

Yep. Plus, I want the other
kids to think I'm cool.

Well, spelling is
certainly the way to go.

It's not exactly football, but there
is a trophy involved, so I'm in.

I'll get you ready, but
I'm not going easy on you.

Bring it on.

And no whispering this time.

You got it, Kemo Sabe.

Okay, I figured it out.

"From now on, I'll only shampoo once."

I will rinse, but not repeat.

Also, you can use the tickets
as my birthday, Christmas,

and any other present you
might ever have gotten me

for the next three years.

I will no longer use electricity...

"I looked at Sue's face, and
realized I couldn't think of"

the last time I ever
wanted something that bad.

Maybe a nap.

But then I remembered...

Shaun Cassidy.

Okay.

Speed limit sign.

Duh. I see it.

Dude, you're still pushing 22.

My foot's off the gas.

I can't go any slower.

Look how slow 15 miles per hour is.

I mean, seriously.

I could walk faster than this.

Who wants to go first?

All right, Brick. Spell "parallel."

P-A-

Come on. You're gonna have
to deal with distractions.

You don't know what's
gonna happen in there.

Be prepared for anything.

- Got it.
- Okay. Next word.

Your mom and I are getting
a divorce. Spell "fuselage."

You are?

Sorry."U-R" is incorrect.

Your mom and I are fine,

but you gotta keep your
cool, no matter what.

Okay, it's 1 minute to
4:00. I'm on the phone.

You're on the web site.

First person to get
tickets yells, "Bieber."

- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

Got my credit card.

I got a backup credit card in
case the first one gets rejected.

I'm not saying that it will, but
let's just say I wouldn't be shocked.

- Ooh, I also have...
- It's 4:00!Go, go, go!

Okay, okay, okay. Aah."Select concert"...

Ooh, air supply's coming
to the Indian casino.

- Mom!
- Fine, fine."Justin Bieber."

"Ticket price." Well, "cheapest
available" sounds about right to me.

U-k-u-l-e-l-e.

Good.

How's your touchdown dance?

What?

You know, when a guy gets in the
end zone, spikes the football?

You gotta have a dance for
when you get a word right.

It'll intimidate the other kids.

How's this?

Look out.

You like that last part? It's a period.

Punctuation. Very nice.

Busy again. Redial.

Ooh, I'm in. Two tickets, upper level...

Bieber!

Two minutes to enter my info. Wait.

What's this "security
word" in that little box?

And why is it all blurry
and slanted like that?

Just type it.

Oh, god."Z-E-B-4-A"?

Is that supposed to be "zebra"?

What is with the
"4"? That can't be right.

It's not a "4." It's a "6"...

Or a capital "N." 60 seconds.

Okay, okay, I'll ask for another word.

Maybe it'll be easier to read.

"Y-E..." Is that an "8" or a "B"?

B- L...

"L"? It's not an "L."

Hey, pipe down in there.

You pipe down.

You sure you're not getting a divorce?

Everyone's piping down right now!

Mom, Bieber, go.

Okay, okay, I'll try a new one.

"A-R..."
Mm, no, pass."F-3..." Okay.

No, pass.

Ten seconds!

Ooh! Yes! I can read that one.

"Sold out."

No!

We should be faster than this.

Dude, we can do it. We
just have to get psyched.

No. It's simple. Gotta get aerodynamic.

Huh?

Don't worry. I figured
it out. Gonna catch air.

This is gonna be harder than we thought.

Mom! Bieber. Tickets. 200.

Jim and Bob in the morning. Indianapolis.

Okay, Sue, calm down. Even
I can't understand you.

Just take a breath.

Radio station... Selling... 200...

Justin Bieber tickets.

Oh, well, that's
great. Well, let's go get some.

We just have to camp out overnight
in front of the radio station.

Oh, Sue.

It's gonna be freezing
out there, and I'm too old

to sit on the concrete all night.

I mean, I barely made it up off the
couch after that 2-hour "Bachelor."

Oh, please.

You can add two more birthdays
on to the cost of the ticket.

Five years, no presents.

That is a really good deal for you. Huh?

I guess we're going to Indy.

Aah! Thank you so much!

I don't care what Axl says.

You are the best mom in the whole world.

I didn't know you were
such a Justin Bieber fan.

Well, I know how she feels.

When I was her age, my mom took
me to a Shaun Cassidy concert.

Shaun Cassidy?

Okay, but his live "Da Doo Ron Ron Ron"?
Chills.

Anyway, my mom didn't want to go,

and I begged and begged
her until she said, "Yes,"

and do you want to
know why she said, "Yes"?

If I'm being totally honest, not really.

Because she wanted
to spend time with me.

Sue's at that age.

She's staying late at school.

She's always talking
to Matt on the phone.

She's starting to pull away.

So, you're gonna buy her
love with concert tickets?

Hells, yeah.

- First time?
- Hmm.

Oh, you don't know who I am.

I'm, uh, Brick's dad.

Classroom, school, county, regionals--
been there, done that.

This year, we go nationals.

Oh.

Yeah, this is all just preliminary, but
you gotta start at the start, you know?

Good luck to... Your kid.

Let's get started now, shall we?

The word is..."visit."

"Visit." V-I-S-I-T.
"Visit."

Your word is "banana."

"Banana." B-a-n-a-n-a.
"Banana."

Your word is..."reindeer."

"Reindeer." R-e-i-n-d-e-a-r.
"Reindeer."

I-I'm sorry, Brick.

You did not spell the word correctly.

Please take a seat.

He's out.

What do you mean, "out"? How out?

Out out.

How can he be out? What word did he miss?

"Reindeer."

Got a little ahead of
yourself there, didn't ya?

Just couldn't wait to start dancing.

Really, Brick? "Reindeer"?

I know. There's a trick.

The first part is the opposite
of what you would think.

Then I overthought it and
made both parts the opposite.

I got the "rein, " then
messed up the "deer"!

You misspelled "reindeer"?

R-e-i-n-d-e-e-r?

You know there's a trick, right?

Dude, even I know that.

Okay, you know what, buddy?

Shake it off. It happens sometimes.

Take a day off, and we'll
start training for next year.

There isn't gonna be a next year.

It was humiliating and
depressing and mortifying,

all words, by the way, that
I know how to spell!

I'm never going back to that school.

- Oh, my God, mike.
- I know.

He's showing appropriate emotional
response to the situation!

He's disappointed, angry, embarrassed...

That social group is
really starting to pay off.

It was great Brick was
learning to feel emotions.

That's why we decided
to cut him a little slack

and let him work through
'em at his own speed.

Ready to go to school?

Is everyone who saw me that day dead?

Had to pee.

Okay. We are roughly 174th in line.

I talked to the guy, and he said he
definitely thinks we're gonna get tickets!

Well, I already can't feel
my toes, but you know what?

I'm really glad we're doing this.

I know. Me, too.

I feel like we don't get to
hang out as much as we used to.

I mean, you're so busy.

You've got wrestlerettes and Matt.

You're growing up.

It's true. I am growing up.

Look at me.

I'm in line for a Justin Bieber concert.

Mom? I just want to say I think
you're really cool for doing this.

I was cool, but you know, this is
the kind of stuff you gotta do

if you want to stay close to your kids.

Hey. Did you see that?

I think they just cut.

What? They can't do that.

Oh, my God. How many
tickets are they gonna buy?

If people start cutting, we
are gonna miss our window.

Excuse me. They cut.

Please keep the sidewalks clear.

Uh... Okay. Excuse me!

You with the yellow scarf!

You may not realize we're back
here, but we've been waiting, too!

Cutting is stealing!

You're stealing our place in
line, you're stealing our tickets,

you're stealing our time!

Oh, please. Don't act
like you can't hear me.

You know what? It's just two
people. We should be fine.

What? Mom? That is, like, 20 girls.

We're definitely out of the window now.

I was so sure that I was
meant to see Justin Bieber

and have a deeply religious experience,

and now my dream is lost.

This is ridiculous. I'm
not gonna let this happen.

Sue? Come with me.

Wait, w-w-wait. W-what?

Where are we going?

We're gonna lose our place in line.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna cut.

What? Mom? No.

We cannot cut. That is so wrong.

Don't think of it as cutting.

Think of it as reclaiming the
spot that is rightfully ours.

- But...
- Sue, you gotta be cool.

Unh-unh. That's the thing the
bad kid says in the drug movies

when he's trying to
get you to drink drugs.

Listen, do you want this or not?

Oh, god.

Why are my teen years
so full of hard choices?

Come on, ax-man! Yeah!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, ax-man! Do it, do it.

Yes! I did it. I did...

Uh, yeah. Technically, you said you
could go faster than the speed limit.

You're not actually illegal
till you hit 16 miles per hour.

Ugh! I can't. My hammies are shot.

That's okay, Darrin.

Axl wants to remain a law-abiding
citizen, and we should respect that.

Hey, remember that
movie, "Fast & Furious,"

where everybody obeyed the speed limit?

Yeah, or "Oceans Eleven,"
"Twelve, " and "Thirteen,"

where nobody stole anything?

Oh, yeah?

Well, remember that movie, "Sean
and Darrin are idiots"?

No way.

There's a really a movie
with both our names in it?

Darrin...

Hey, Karen? Hi.

Oh, my name isn't "Karen."

Oh. Wow, you look just like her.

Do you get that a lot?

Hey, she's trying to cut.

Cutter!

Karen, come on.

Cutter! Cutter!

Excuse me!

Ma'am, we've had some complaints
about people cutting in line.

Yeah, that was me. I complained.

'Cause all these people
back here are the cutters.

Cutters! Cutters! Cut...

Yeah, I'm gonna have to escort
you to the back of the line.

Yeah! Whoo!

Stay there.

It's a skill that doesn't
come in handy very often,

but Sue's ability to go unnoticed
can really pay off sometimes.

One long night later, we
had achieved Bieber...

And complete numbness
in my left butt cheek.

Brick, we gotta talk about school.

Okay. Well, I've been doing some research,

and there's a private school
with an excellent library,

across town that looks interesting.

It'll be a bit of a drive for
you, but I'm willing to put up with it,

and then, of course there's
always homeschooling.

"Homeschooling"?

We've taught you everything we know.

Look, Brick...

Ahem. Even though it hurts right now,

it's actually good that
you're feeling disappointment.

I mean, if-- if Shaquille O'Neal
had a bad game,

he didn't give up and retire.

He'd shake it off and come
back and play the next day,

and eventually, he won
four championships.

Basketball player.

The guy on your backpack?

Ohh. I'm pretty sure he
pronounces it "Shaq-will."

I'm pretty sure he doesn't.

Point is, he was able to
take his disappointment and

use it to make himself stronger.

Think of it as fuel.

Nah. Too embarrassing. I can't go back.

Really? All the embarrassing
things you've done,

and this is the one
that brings you down?

Apparently. Kemo Sabe. Shoot.

It's time, Brick.

You gotta go back to school.

Everyone's gonna laugh at me.

Not if I'm standing there with ya.

Oh, Brick. So good to have you back.

See? No big deal.

Mr. Heck. Don't go running off just yet.

It's every guest's honor to lead the
class in the pledge of allegiance.

Oh, no, that's okay.

I insist.

Uh... I pledge allegiance to the
flag of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for
purple mountains majesty...

And...

And... Lead us not into temptation...

Land that I love...

Till death do us part...

Amen.

I'm never going back to that school.

What up, speed fans?

As I promised in my tweets,

you're gonna be lucky enough
to see me break the law today,

but for your own
safety, back up a little.

We don't want any ax-idents
while I ax-celerate.

Yes, J- ohh.

I can't believe they took our sign away.

It was the only fun
thing to do in this town.

One. One, two. Eh.

One, two, three.

Check it out. Bet I can do 15.

One, two, three... Uh-oh.

Turns out, they all broke
the speed limit that night.

So you're actually
going through with it.

You're gonna go to the concert.

After what I went through
to get these tickets?

Besides, I went to the
doctor this morning,

and I have been diagnosed
with Bieber fever. Aah!

Hey, maybe he'll pull you out of
the crowd to dance onstage with him.

This is about Sue.

How many more moments like
this am I gonna get with her?

Happy Justin Bieber
concert day, everybody!

I love you, mom.

So where are the tickets?

Over there in my purse.

I thought I'd just hold
on to 'em till the show.

But that doesn't make sense.

If you have 'em in your purse,

how am I supposed to go to the concert?

What?

Oh, mom, you've done so much already,

sleeping out for tickets and everything.

You don't have to drive us, too.

Carly's mom will take us and pick us up.

Oh. Okay.

You and Carly have a great time.

Cool hoodie, mom.

Here.

Carly's here.

You are the best mom ever!

Thank you so much. I will
never, ever forget this!

Me, neither.

I guess that's how it's supposed to be.

Kids get older and start
to not need you as much,

except maybe for your hoodie.

Yeah... It's just the
natural order of things.

Hey.

Any calls for me? Or about me?

No.

So what are we watching?

Funny thing about the
natural order of things...

Just when it sends one kid
away, it brings another one back.

Careful.

Don't get greedy.

Don't want to blow it.

He's like a butterfly.

Don't want to scare him off.

Be cool. Just be cool.