The Middle (2009–2018): Season 3, Episode 10 - The Middle - full transcript

Every family

has their favorite
Thanksgiving recipe.

This is ours.

I just don't get
why we can't stay in a motel.

Because, Mike,

everybody in one house
is what makes holidays special.

Me and my mom and my sister

hanging out in our pj's
having breakfast...

Late nights listening to
my dad tell his bawdy jokes...

Mm.

If we stayed at a motel,
we would be missing out



on all those little nuggets
of happiness.

Sorry if I'm not excited about
sleeping on an air mattress.

My back hurts
just thinking about it.

I told you, we get the bedroom
this time. It's our turn.

Besides, Janet won't even
be there till tomorrow

because she's got Lucy's
pilgrim hip-hop recital.

Great. The miracle
baby's taking hip-hop now?

She was a miracle. Janet had
one good egg, Mike. One.

Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you.
Aunt Janet called.

She said Lucy's recital
got canceled,

so they're getting there today.

What?

Yes! They're not here
yet! Move, move, move!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!



- Hey!
- Ohh...

Happy turkey day, sweetie! Mom!

Grandpa!
Hi, pat. Nice to see you.

Good to see you. Good to see you.
How are you, tag?

Aw, come on.
Okay. Here we go.

Oh, you got here fast.

Yeah, we made good time.

I'll, uh, put our stuff
in the bedroom.

There they are!

Oh, wow, Janet. Oh.
Y-you got here first.

I know.
We already unpacked.

Gary's in the guest room
getting a little work done

while Lucy takes her nap.
Give your auntie fabulous a hug!

Aw.

Ohh, I miss my sistah.

Yeah. Yeah, didn't see
your car when we pulled in.

Oh, well, Gary actually
just got a new SUV,

so dad let us
park it in the garage.

Hey, Mike. Come on. I'll get you
set up with them air mattresses.

Oh, no. It's okay, tag.

I remember where they are
from last time.

Oh, shoot. I'm sorry.

Was it your guys' turn
to be in the bedroom?

I just thought
it'd be better for everybody,

you know,
with Lucy's nap time and all,

but we can totally switch
if you want.

Hey, sleepyhead, it's 7:30.
How do you like your tag-cakes?

At 9:30.

I'll bet Axl's hungry.

Attaboy. Enjoy 'em.

I put three sticks of butter
in every batch.

Mm.

Morning, Mike.
Hey, there he is.

Ooh, you are rocking those pj's.

Mm-hmm.
Whoo.

So, mom...

What's the plan? When are you
gonna start cooking tomorrow?

Mike's been dreaming about
your famous sweet potatoes.

Oh, don't worry, Mike.

You're gonna get your sweet potatoes.

This year, I prepared everything
ahead of time and I froze it.

Made these babies in July.

After all, Thanksgiving is about
the family, not the food.

It's a little about the food.

- So, mom...
- Mm?

You never finished
telling us that story

about Uncle Phil and aunt Helen.

Ooh, yes.
Dirt, ple-ahz.

Well... aunt Helen comes home
early from the bingo trip,

and she found him with
his home health care worker,

proving services not covered
by the HMO.

- No.
- Not again.

Yes, again.

Uh, maybe we should
talk about this later.

It's okay.
Sue can hear the family gossip.

She is not
a little girl anymore.

No, I am not.

I matured on September 21st,
if you know what I'm sayin'.

I'm saying I got my period.

Yeah, we got the e-mail.

So anyway, aunt Helen,
who's still very feisty...

And just like that,

Sue became a member
of the blah blah sisterhood.

Brick, you need
to play with Lucy.

Sue, I'm on vacation.
This is my time to decompress.

Why can't you play with her?

'Cause we adults
are talking in the kitchen,

and she keeps coming in
and interrupting us,

and plus
we're talking about things

that aren't appropriate
for her to hear--

Major family secrets.
I've already said too much.

Okay. Lucy?

I'm going into the kitchen with
the adults because I am one.

So...

You want to play librarian?

I'll read, and in six hours,

you tell me
the library's closing.

This one's for my liver.

This one here--
This is for my foot fungus,

and this one thins my blood.

No lie-- If I get
as much as a splinter,

I can bleed out faster
than you can say Tom Sawyer.

Heh.

Don't get old, Mike.

Believe me,
I'm weighing all my options.

How's that tv coming, Axl?

Yeah, you can
punch those buttons

till you're blue in the face.
That tv ain't coming on.

Damn cable company
wanted to charge me

an extra 4 bucks a month
for HD.

You know where
I told 'em to go.

Here? To fix the tv?

I got those bastards
right where I want 'em.

I guarantee you
they're gonna blink first.

Besides, it's the holidays.
Who needs tv?

- I do.
- I do.

Oh. Janet.
I almost forgot.

I bought the little marshmallows
Lucy wanted for her hot cocoa.

They didn't have the pink ones,

so I just got her
the white ones.

Oh, shoot. She really
wanted the pink ones.

Well, I don't think anybody's
gonna run out right now

just to get a different
color marshmallow.

Can someone run out and get
a different colored marshmallow?

I'll go.

Me, too.

Did you hear
what we're supposed to get?

I just heard
"who wants to leave?"

Hey. How you doing?

Fine.

Cool. Cool.

Just the tiny
pink marshmallows, sir?

Oh, uh...
Yeah. Right.

Those aren't for me.

Anything else?

Uh, what type of gum
would you recommend?

I, uh, like to chew it
while I play football.

Oh.

Yeah.

Ahh. Hurt my shoulder.

Not sure if it was from football...

Or from playing guitar
in my band that I play in.

You know...

Thank you for shopping
at the mini-mart.

I'm, uh...
Axl, by the way.

Thank you, Axl,
for shopping at the mini-mart.

What?

Nothing.

I just never really witnessed
your game up close before.

"What kind
of gum would you recommend?"

Hey, I think I laid
some nice groundwork.

Really? 'Cause I think you dug
a big hole and then fell in it.

You can't just talk
about yourself, Axl.

You gotta ask them
some questions.

Women like to talk
about themselves.

Why do you even care about this?
'Cause someday

I'd like you to get married
and get out of my house.

Ohh.

He won again!

I wanted to be
the pretty pretty princess!

Pumpkin, did you?

Did you want to be
the pretty pretty princess?

Uhuh.

You know, Frankie, it wouldn't
kill Brick to let her win.

Mom, look at me.

Do you honestly think
I wanted to win this game?

Whatever, Brick.
Just pick something she can win.

I tried letting her win
at connect four,

but she literally
couldn't connect four

and I couldn't stop
connecting four.

You know, for a miracle baby,

she's not too bright.

Wow. Brick's a little
competitive there, isn't he?

I guess he's just
not used to this.

At our house, if you win, you
win, and if you lose, you lose.

You know,
kind of like in real life.

That's funny, 'cause a lot
of the books that I'm reading

are kind of saying
the opposite of that, so...

Hey, you know what?

There's a lot of snow outside,

so you kids want to
go out and play in it?

Brick loves building snowmen.

He does?

Do you want to build a snowman

with your cousin, sweetie?

Get outside, Brick.

It's okay, puppy.

We can't find Mr. Bear.

Probably went someplace
with the tv.

Lucy goose, we'll find him.

It's okay. Mr. Bear will
turn up. Let's not freak out.

She's not freaking out.

She's just upset, which is

an appropriate emotional
response for the situation.

Okay.

How about this?

Why don't we calm down
and have a little snack?

And we'll look for him later.

Does that sound okay
to you, Lucy?

Is this one of those
nuggets of happiness

you were talking about?

And by the way,
why the hell isn't Gary out here

enjoying this nugget with us?

Because he's
in his room working.

He's a chiropractor.

What could he possibly
be working on?

Found it!

Ohh. That was really scary, huh?

I hope you never have to
go through anything like that

ever again.

I love you.

Whoa.
Mr. bear's stroking out.

He's broken. It's Brick's fault.
He had it last!

No, I didn't.

I came in to get hot cocoa,

- and you were still playing with him.
- I was not!

Why don't you kids
come to the kitchen?

And grandma will
defrost you some cookies.

Ohh. It's just such a bummer,
'cause it was her favorite toy.

Oh, she'll get over it.

Stick a couple cookies
in her mouth, she'll be fine.

Yeah, it's just so unlike Lucy
to leave a toy outside.

She's usually really,
really responsible.

Kids-- What are you
gonna do, right?

Right.

Anyway, the bear was $60,

and you can get him
at the toy store at the mall.

Mike, are you awake?

What do you think?

I really think Janet wants me
to pay for that bear.

That's 'cause she does.

I can't believe
she could act this way.

I just think it's so wrong.

So tell her that.

Oh, maybe I should
just give her the money.

Sounds great.

No. You know what?
I'm not giving her the money.

Mm.

She and Gary
are doing very well,

and she knows we couldn't
even afford to fix our roof.

We can't afford
to just throw away 60 bucks.

I will give you 75 right now
to stop this conversation.

You know what makes me mad?

Well, it's not waking up
your husband. That's for sure.

She's questioning
our son's honesty.

Brick said he didn't do it,
he didn't do it.

He didn't do it, did he?

I didn't do it.

Brick, this is
a private conversation.

- No, it's not.
- Wish it was.

I didn't do it.

Hey, hey. Everybody pipe down.
It's almost 6:00 in the morning.

I'd like to get
two seconds' sleep

before the sun comes up
on another tv-less day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

With even his own family
doubting him,

Brick knew it was to him
to prove his innocence.

Uh, the defrosting
seems to have

sucked a little taste
out of the food

and tag's
used up all the butter,

so I'm gonna need someone
to run to the store.

- Got it.
- On it.

Ooh, Brick, can you be
careful with that frame?

That's one of
grandma's favorites.

He can pick up
the frame, Janet.

Oh, okay, sure.

But remember that one time when
he broke mom's antique vase?

That was when he was 5.
He's 10 now. He's fine.

Sure, but he still
has his issues, right?

What do you mean, issues?

Well, you know, he's got
his things. He's, like, special.

Brick's not special.
He's perfectly normal.

Don't worry about anything,
Brick. You're fine.

Okay.

Watch and learn.

So they got you working
on Thanksgiving, huh?

Yeah, but it's okay. I'm trying
to save some money for college.

Oh, is that right?
What high school do you go to?

St. Mary's.

Oh, yeah. That's the catholic
school just down the street.

So do you gotta wear
those catholic girl uniforms

with the skirts?

Sir, this conversation
is making me uncomfortable.

Smooth, dad.

I thought that "Dateline" guy
was gonna come out of the back.

Shut up.

Hey, guys, you got the butter?

Actually, they were out.

Out? I buy 12 sticks
a week there.

Come on. I'll come with you
and show you where they are.

Hey, guys.

Where's the fire?

We're going to the store
to get butter.

Interesting.

Now is there a reason

why it takes three adults
to purchase dairy products?

It would only take one adult
to stuff you in a snowbank.

Okay.

Just don't leave town.

So I think she wants me
to buy her a new bear.

Did she say that?

Well, not exactly,
but you know her tone, mom.

There was a definite tone.

And it's not even the money that
bothers me. It's the judgment.

I'm just happy to have both
my girls home for the holiday.

I'm just saying,
since he's the one who broke it,

they should step up
and, you know, pay for--

Hey.

Hey. What are you guys
talking about?

Oh. We were just discussing
how to prepare the corn.

Oh, really?

- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause the corn is my job.

So if the corn is being
discussed, it's sort of weird

that I'm not part of
the corn discussion, isn't it?

All right, Axl.
Go get the butter.

Well, why can't you do it?

'Cause I don't want to.

Hey, guys, what gives?

He doesn't want
to go back in there

'cause he got shot down trying
to pick up the hot cashier.

No, I was trying to teach him
how to talk to girls

'cause he was
embarrassing himself.

Axl, Axl, Axl.

Listen, if you wanted tips
on the ladies,

you should have come
to the old tag-eroo.

Here's what you do.
First you win over her father.

Then you buy her a rose
every day for two weeks.

Trust me, you'll be
holding hands in six months.

Well, grandpa, that's all
really awesome advi--

Come on, let's go in.
I'll be your sidecar.

Wingman.

Hi there.

Still selling
those gummi worms, huh?

Yeah.

Classic candy. 'Couse my wife
won't let me eat 'em anymore.

They-- they give me the winds.

Hey.

Are you sleeping?

I'm just trying
to take a little nap.

Oh. Okay.

Just because you said you were
gonna do the corn, so...

Yeah. I'm a little tired.

I haven't been getting much
sleep down here in my bedroom.

You know what?
I offered to give you

the guest room
when you got here.

Oh, yeah.
It was a nice offer.

"Oh, I just thought
it would be best for everybody,

you know,
with Lucy's naps."

For your information,
Lucy's pediatrician said

she needs a quiet environment
to sleep in.

Oh, really?
She doesn't sleep well?

Yeah.

'Cause I thought
the miracle baby

just hovered over her bed
on a magical cloud.

Ohh. And there it is.
You know what?

You have always resented Lucy

because you never wanted another
mom having a reason to be tired.

What?!

Ohh, you're always
so worn out, Frankie,

and you love it
because you're a martyr.

Every time I call you
on the phone,

you never have time to talk
because you're so overwhelmed.

Well, guess what?
I'm tired, too!

You think you're
more tired than me?

Yeah, I know that I am.
As a matter of fact,

maybe I'll just lie around now,
too. How about that?

Oh, no. No.

How could you be tired?
You've got one kid.

I've got three!

Not to mention a full-time job
and a house to keep clean.

Oh, right. You're all about
the clean house.

Look, we're just about
to have Thanksgiving dinner,

and it looks like
a bomb got dropped in here.

You want me to clean up?
Fine. Fine. I'll clean up.

Here. Here we go.
I'm cleaning the hell up!

- Is that clean enough for you?
- Perfect!

Maybe I'll even make my bed.

Hey, there's a first time
for everything.

- Get off!
- No! I'm tired. I'm resting.

Get off, Janet!

Make me!

Listen.

Lucy happens to be very gifted,
and it's a lot of work.

There's dance and French...

Your kids are almost grown up.
How hard could that be?

You think this is all
smooth sailing for me?!

Huh?!

Do you know what I found
in Axl's bed the other week?

A gallon
of chocolate chip ice cream.

Sue cannot make a team
to save her life,

and on top of all of that,
Brick is special!

Oh. So now Brick's special.

Because before
you said he wasn't.

So maybe you should get
two different flags to hold up

so we know which Brick
you're talking about!

I'm not paying
for that stupid bear!

Fine! Forget about it!
I'll pay for the bear!

How about this?

I'll buy you a new bear
when you replace

that plastic hot dog you lost
from my picnic set when I was 6!

Mom bought that for both of us!

Not true!
It... was... Mine!

Uhh!

Uhh!

What followed was the quietest
Thanksgiving dinner ever.

No talking-- Just the sound
of plastic on paper.

But for Brick,
there was a mystery to solve,

so he did what
any good detective would do.

He returned
to the scene of the crime.

Note--

Two sets of footprints lead
to where the bear was found.

One are Axl's,
who found the furry victim.

The other ones have
a star pattern on the bottom.

Clearly, whoever has a star
on the bottom of their boots

is the culprit.

Culprit.

I'm finding
multiple star footprints.

Oh, my gosh.
They're following me.

And with that,

Inspector Whodunit
closed the case.

Is there any stuffing in there?

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Ohh.

I didn't mean
all those things I said.

Oh, neither did I.

You know, I think
the reason we fight

is because
we love each other so much,

but we never get
to see each other.

We need to get together more.

Yeah.
That's what needs to happen.

And I'm sorry if I make you feel
like I don't have time for you.

I think sometimes I want
to get off the phone because

I'm jealous that your life
seems to be going all perfect.

Oh, no, silly, I'm not perfect.

It's just easier for me.
I could never do what you do.

Oh, stop.

No, it's true, Frankie.
Don't you understand?

Watching you as a mom
was the whole reason

I wanted to have kids
in the first place.

Oh!

Oh!

Bye! Bye-bye! Bye!

See? I told you it would be
a perfect Thanksgiving.

What Thanksgiving were you at?

Bye!