The Middle (2009–2018): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Middle - full transcript

"Siblings"

Come on, move!
Move!

- (honks horn)
FRANKIE: My worst fears

were about
to be realized.

There was one event I could
not afford to be late for,

and this was it.

Congratulations.

We just elected you chairwoman
of the winter wreath sale.

(applause)

Yep, when you showed up late
for Booster Club,

you paid the price.



The best part is you get to keep
all the wreaths at your place,

so your whole house
will smell amazing.

And it'll last for months,

because you never find
all the needles.

That's the sap.

You'll want to have a lot of
turpentine around the house.

If you cut it with water,
it won't make your palms so raw.

Hey, my girls.
Did you finish your wreaths?

Shelly showed me
how to use a glue gun.

SHELLY: (singsongy) Look what
a great a job she did.

Ooh.

(gasps)

Show your brother.

- Sean!
- Sean!



- Hey, hey, you two!
- Can I have a ride?

No problem.
You too, milkshake.

(girls squeal and laugh)

After all the crap that had
been thrown at me that night,

the sight of
those three kids

lovingly frolicking
around the room

really bugged the hell
out of me.

I didn't really put my finger
on why till I got home.

And then it hit me--

I've never seen my kids
frolic together.

It's like they were three
strangers in a bus station

just waiting
to get out of here.

(chicken clucking)

(sighs)

FRANKIE: Maybe they didn't
hang out together

'cause Sue and Axl
had nothing in common.

So I'm trying out
for wrestlettes,

which is wrestling cheerleaders,
which is actually easier

to get into
than regular cheerleaders

because it's all hot in the gym
where wrestling is,

and there's not really
a crowd to cheer to.

Or maybe it's 'cause
Brick's so much younger.

Or maybe 'cause Brick's
so much... Brick.

Brick,
what are you doing?

It usually copies me,

but sometimes if I look
very carefully...

it doesn't.

Mom!

And when the three of them are
forced to do anything together,

that's when the fun
really starts.

Feels like we've been
driving forever.

Feels like we've been
driving forever.

- Cut it out, Axl.
- Cut it out, Axl.

- That's not funny.
- That's not funny.

- You know, I hate it when you do that!
- You know, I hate it when you do that!

- Why are you so mean?
- Why are you so mean?

Why are you so mean?

- I'm just ignoring you.
- I'm just ignoring you.

I'm just ignoring you.

- Wait, what are you doing?
- Wait, what are you doing?

- Brick, knock it off. That's lame.
- Brick, knock it off. That's lame.

- It doesn't work that way. Quit it!
- It doesn't work that way. Quit it!

- Ugh!
- Ugh!

(sighs)

What is wrong
with you people?

Why are you watching the same
show on three different TVs?

We can't agree
on the volume.

The next morning, Mike met
Aunt Edie down at the quarry.

It's really brutal
this year, Edie.

Most of the guys will get
almost no bonus at all.

Ever since she retired
as a bookkeeper 14 years ago,

Aunt Edie came to
Mike's office every December

to help
close out the books.

I'm hoping we can
massage the numbers

to avoid triggering layoffs,

but it's gonna be tight.

What are you doing
with that?

I gotta plug in Ginny.

(electricity
buzzes and crackles)

You brought Ginny
to the quarry?

Well, the wheelchair
won't fit into the trailer,

and I'm afraid
to leave her home alone

because I think
Ginny is starting to lose it.

Oh, no kidding.
Sorry to hear that.

And then
there's something else.

I think Ginny
is starting to lose it.

(doorbell rings)

Yeah, come in.

Hey, madame chairwoman!

Hey, Nancy.
What's up?

I just came by because
people were complaining

they hadn't
gotten their wreaths yet.

I only brought 'em home
last night!

- You're doing awesome.
- (sighs)

I just set the bar
really high.

(car horn honks)

Oh, those girls.
(chuckles)

I'm taking Dotty to the mall
to get her ears pierced.

She wants to be
just like her sister.

Wow.

They're really close,
aren't they?

Why do you suppose
that is?

Early on,
Joe and I decided

our kids getting along
was a priority,

but it takes
a lot of work.

Damn. I was hoping it
was something

you just crushed
into their cereal.

From the beginning,

when the kids
would get into an argument,

I would get in there
and give them the proper tools

- to resolve things.
- Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

I mean, I do that.

SUE: Give it to me! Stop it!
AXL: Aw. Unh-unh.

Hey, knock it off!

- We're trying to watch TV.
- (arguing continues indistinctly)

- And Mike supports you?
- Oh, yeah, sure.

Hey, you heard your mom.
Knock it off!

(object shatters)

The important thing is

we made sure that
they spent time together--

Family dinners, game nights,
car trips, the obvious things.

Oh, yeah. Um,
those things are obvious.

Dinners, game night, trips.
Dinners, game night...

Damn it!
What was the last one?

Hi. How's it going?

I had lunch
with Stan today.

Corporate want another $10,000
out of the budget. (sighs)

Oh, and I think your Aunt Edie
is losing her mind.

What?

Throughout the day, she called me
"Mickey," "Milton," "Myrtle."

Seriously, I think
she's going, you know, senile.

No, she's not.

All the women in our family get
a little loopy toward the end.

Uh, what are you doing?
We having company or something?

No. I don't know.
I just thought we'd eat in here.

Did the kids
break the big TV?

Hey, kids, get in here!

No, no. Nobody broke the TV.
No, I just thought,

you know, we don't have to eat
with the TV every night.

We could just
sit and talk to each other.

Whoa. Why are there plates
on the table?

Because that's where
we're eating dinner.

What? I don't
want to watch the little TV.

Did someone break
the big TV?

The TVs are fine.

We're just not watching them
until after supper.

Tonight, we're having a family
dinner in here for a change.

(whispers) Dad?

You heard your mother.
Everybody... sit down.

What is the big deal?

We've eaten
at the table before.

I don't have a chair.

Huh. I guess we hadn't
really eaten at the table

since we had Brick.

Not a problem.
We have more chairs outside.

Dad,
why are we doing this?

Uh, maybe your mom and I
need to, uh, talk to you.

- I don't know.
- Are you getting a divorce?

- Let's see how this goes.
- (lawn chair snaps open)

This'll be fun.

You know,
this is actually

how a lot of people
eat dinner every night.

They sit
and they face each other

and they ask
each other questions

about how their day went.
Let's do that.

So what was your high and
what was your low of the day?

- My low is right now.
- Fine. I'll do it.

My high is having dinner
here with my family.

My low is the comment
that Axl just made.

Sue.

My high was that the guy who
sits next to me in science

saw me
in the hallway today

and seemed to sort of
recognize me.

Mm.

My low was that
I was wrong.

He didn't.

(faux sneezes)
Loser!

What did I say about
sneezing words at your sister?

My low is realizing

that my family never bought
a chair for me.

My high is I can eat food
right off the table.

Oh, wait.
I want to change my low.

Okay.
All right, all right.

Let's just forget
highs and lows,

and we'll do
something different. Mm...

Everybody, look at
the person on your left

and say something nice.

You mean well.

Thank you.

Axl? You do Sue.

(groaning)

Your head is basically
the right size for your body.

(squeals) Really?
You're not just saying that?

No, it's everything, like, below
the head that's got the problem.

Shut up!

You know what
shuts people up? TV.

Listen, you kids
are not even trying!

You're brother and sister,
and this is the only relationship

that is going
to last your whole life.

You know, someday,
your dad and I

are not gonna be
around anymore,

and you're only
gonna have each other.

Are you dying?

Oh, my--that's why we're eating
at the table. She's dying!

No! I'm not dying.

Oh, my God!
Dad's dying!

Nobody is dying!

Why can't we all just die now
and get it over with?!

- Mike!
- Axl.

What did I say?

(all shouting at once)

All right, that's it!

That's it.

You three are gonna start
loving each other right now

because that's
what your mother wants!

Right?
Is that what you want?

So despite
my best efforts,

family dinner had wheezed
and choked itself

to a final,
undignified death.

Can we go watch TV now?

Yeah,
throw out your plates.

Nice to have a change.

So what's up with you?

You going loopy
a little ahead of schedule?

No, I just thought
if we ate dinner together,

it might help the kids
to become friends.

You know, I was talking
to Nancy Donahue today--

Oh, man, here we go.

(sighs)

Every time you talk to that woman,
there's always something.

You run into her,
and the next thing I know,

I can't eat white bread
anymore.

Her kids are nuts
about each other.

You see how they are together.
They're helpful, caring and...

I've seen it.
It's unnatural--all that,

"Can I help you?
You're so pretty."

One of these days,
I swear to God,

there's gonna be
a bloodbath in that house.

I don't know.
I wonder if we've been lazy.

How the hell
have we been lazy?

In the last 15 years,
I think we've sat down twice.

Face it, we have cut
corners as parents.

We're tired.
We've been busy.

We've slacked off
on a lot of the family stuff,

and that's why
our kids aren't close.

All right.
You're this worried about it?

I can help you, but you know
what I'm gonna say.

Oh, God.

Sports!

(sighs) Okay.

Okay, everybody.
This family is heading outside

to play touch football.

Wh--football? Why?

I don't want
to play with her.

But this is
my favorite commercial.

(click)

What did Mom
do to you?

What your mother did to me
is none of your business.

The point is,
brothers and sisters

are supposed
to appreciate each other.

Your Aunt Edie wheels Aunt Ginny
into the quarry every day,

and she doesn't
even know where she is.

That's the kind
of love and support

that I want to start seeing
around here. Let's move now.

(slaps football)

Yo, here's the pitch.
Here's the pitch.

Here's the--no pitch. Okay.
It's a break. Never mind.

Here you go.
Here you go. Here you go.

Here you go.
Throw it!

Okay,
a little indecisive there.

MIKE: Hike!

(exhales deeply)

At first it was a little shaky.
But then...

I have an idea.

Kids versus adults.

All right, so Dad's peripheral
vision is starting to go,

and Mom can't run too fast,
or she'll pee.

So go deep and
to the left. Ready?

ALL: Break!

After a few plays,

- something weird happened.
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I did it!

Those kids were throwing
and chasing and laughing

like a bunch of Donahues.

All right, Sue,
do 10 yards and out.

Brick, 5-yard buttonhook.

I'm gonna roll out right
and find you in the end zone.

I've got a better idea.

- Whoa, whoa!
- Car!

Car, car, car?

Oh, no, no, no, no!

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- Hey, whoa!

- Oh, wait a minute!
- Oh, no!

Look at you, you, you.

- All right.
- Come on, come on!

- They slick-dogged us.
- Come on!

- Again!
- Yeah, no, no, no.

(Sue laughs)

Oh, boy. All right.

Later, the kids came inside
and had dessert together.

- Then jumped up...
- And to my utter amazement,

Axl didn't pretend
to commit suicide once.

There were no two ways about it.
Mike was on to something.

Suffice it to say,
the kids weren't the only ones

who got along especially well
that night...

which is good,
'cause the next day?

Not so relaxing for Mike.

Hey, guys.

Mike?

We just got our bonus checks,
and we need to talk to you.

Jim has prepared a statement
from all of us.

Oh, man. Look, I know
it's not what you expected,

but you've to understand
what we're going through.

"In these difficult times,

"it is rare to have a boss
who is not only generous

but also is who a boss..."

No, that can't be right.

I told you to proofread it.

Hold on. I was generous?
How generous was I?

Oh, my God!

Mike, we want you
to know

you didn't just give us
money this year.

You gave hope
back to our families.

So what are you gonna do?

I don't know. I guess I gotta
find a way to take back hope

from a bunch of guys
who use dynamite for a living.

AXL: Hey!

- You guys ready for football?
- What's that now?

Come on. Kids versus
the elderly. Let's go!

Oh. Guys, we have both
had really hard days.

Why don't you play
without us?

But it won't be any fun
without you.

Yep,
the kids had such a good time

they wanted to do it
the next night...

and the next night...

and the next night.

Turns out there is
a way to bond your kids

and have tons
of family fun together.

The only trouble is,
it requires spending

a whole lot of time
with them.

All right, let's let them
win quick

and get back in here while
the couch is still warm.

(makes clicking sound)

Mike knew he was gonna
have to bite the bullet

and fire Aunt Edie.

Or was he?

I was just about ready to start
another round of checks.

Listen, Aunt Edie...

There's something
we gotta talk about.

It's not easy. You've been
doing this annual closeout

with me for a long time.

I think the work
keeps me alive.

That's nice.

But you've earned
the right to retire.

Thanks, doll! Should we get
started on those new checks?

No, no checks!
Um, I'm trying to tell you

that we won't be
needing you here anymore.

Oh, I see.

So you want to do the checks
this afternoon then?

No.

No, I don't need you
to write the checks ever.

So from now on, I'll just
be balancing the books?

No. No, no more balancing.
No more checks.

Well, if I'm not writing checks
and not balancing the books,

I won't be working
for you at all.

That's right!
Exactly.

It's time for you
to take Ginny and go home.

Oh, I don't think
you mean that.

Why don't I?

Because if I go home now,
the work will pile up,

and we'll get behind.

Edie,
you're a great old gal.

I think you're cute, too.

Thanks.
But the job here is over.

No more job.

Job done.

I'm letting you go.

Do you get it?

Oh, I get it. I know
what it means to be let go.

You do?

Now if we continue
on this,

we are just never gonna
get these checks done.

(sighs)

- Aunt Edie, you're fired.
- Fired?

Yes.

Oh!
This is very disappointing.

What is? Tell me--tell me what
you think is disappointing.

- That I'm fired!
- Oh!

Thank God.

Well,
should we get started now?

You know, I think
I've actually got those checks

pretty much
under control.

But what I really do
need your help with...

Management
is all over me

about getting
this puzzle put together.

Oh, my.

This is a big one.

Oh.

Look at this.
I found a corner.

Good girl.

They're waiting for us.

(grunts)
Ow. Damn.

What?

(groans) My knee went out
for a second.

I'm gonna have to
sit this one out.

Ohh. Well, Mom,
you're still coming, right?

Yeah.
I'll be right there.

Whew!

Mike.

Think I might have
pulled a ligament.

Better walk this off.

(scoffs)

I can't believe
you're bailing on me.

Football was your idea.

Yep, and the knee
was my idea, too.

I'm on a roll.

Mike, they're not gonna play
if we don't go out there.

Frankie, we can't do this
every day.

It's not our job
to entertain them.

Either they're gonna
get along or they won't.

It's not up to us.

You know what that
sounds like to me?

The excuse of
a lazy, lazy parent.

Well, you know what?

I'm not gonna be lazy.

Mom, you're not
even running.

Well, you've gotta
throw the ball closer.

I wasn't sure
which was making me madder--

that Mike was bailing
on the family

by faking an injury
or that he thought of it first.

Mom, you've gotta run.

Did I?
Did I have to run?

I was sick of
touch football.

How the hell did the Kennedys
do it for so many years?

You know what? Boy, I really
should be making some calls

about those wreaths,
but you kids keep playing.

Forget it.
We're just gonna go watch TV.

Ooh, I call the big TV!

- You always get the big TV!
- No, no, stop!

You can't go inside
just 'cause I'm going inside.

Why not?

Because you gotta stay out here
and bond, damn it.

What? No way!

I'm not gonna play with just
my stupid sister and dork brother.

Hey, I'm not a dork!

(whispers)
Dork.

I was dragging my sorry butt
out here every night

'cause I thought it would help
you kids love each other,

but no, we're right back
to where we started!

Well, you know
what I say?

Love each other,
don't love each other.

I'm done!

Ooh!

Aah! Ohh!

Mom, are you okay?

(nasal voice)
No, it hurts like hell!

(laughing)

So looks like my plan
to bring the kids closer

hadn't worked the way
I wanted.

Come on, guys.
Stop laughing.

- That was awesome, Mom.
- (laughing)

Okay, I'm sorry, Mom,
but that was hilarious.

And when you fell down,
you rolled through dog poo.

(laughing)

But I had given them a story
they were gonna share

and enjoy
long after I was gone.

So then
she spiked the ball,

and it bounced back
right off her face.

(laughs) Off her face?

Yeah, and Axl does
this great impression.

Do it, Axl.
It's really, really funny.

Okay, okay. Well, okay.
So I'm Mom.

So she's out there
and she's got the ball,

"Ohh! Mom..."

Isn't that what bonds kids
after all--

the eye rolling,
the laughing together

over the stupid things
we do?

I think so.

Or maybe that's just the excuse
of a lazy, lazy parent.

Either way,
I'm doing the best I can.

And I know you're
rolling your eyes,

and yes, I'm a horrible mother,
but we have 30 wreaths

to deliver by dinner,
so let's move it.

Oh, wow!

Look how helpful
your kids are.

I've been watching you guys
play touch football.

Wish my kids
got along like that.

How do you do it,
Frankie?

I could have told her the truth
and spared her the pain

I've gone through...

It's a lot of work,

but Mike and I have just always
made family a priority.

Oh, thanks.

(lowers voice)
Just keep walkin'.

Nobody fight till we get
to the next house.