The Middle (2009–2018): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Middle - full transcript

FRANKIE: Thanksgiving around here
is all about tradition.

Spending time with your family.

And being thankful
for everything you have.

Of course,
everyone has their favorite thing.

For Axl, it's my cranberry sauce.

For Mike, it's my mashed potatoes.

Sue and Brick love my homemade pie.

But what I love most
is the warm, loving feeling I get...

...from saving up to 80 percent
on the day after Thanksgiving.

Black Friday.

Okay, it's one week to Thanksgiving.



The mall opens at midnight,
so we've got to be prepared.

Sue is on Housewares.
Axl is on Sporting Goods.

Brick can ferret through the crowd.
So he's on Electronics.

- We'll rally at the escalator at 0100.
- Sir, yes, sir.

Oh. And when you invite your dad...

...can you ask him
if he'll drop us off and then wait...

...so we don't get stuck behind
some slow driver looking for a spot?

- Mike.
- Can't you invite him this year?

He's your dad.

Ugh. He's such a pain.

He'll say he doesn't wanna
be a bother...

...and drag it out until I end up
begging him, like always.

Mike, someday that old pain in the ass
won't be here anymore.

- Then you'll be begging to beg someone.
- Fine, I'll ask him, but I'm not begging.



Can we go to the corn maze today?

FRANKIE: Nothing says fall in
the Midwest like a corn maze.

It's just about
the most fun thing ever.

Oh. I am not dragging my butt
through another corn maze.

- I just can't do it.
- But I've never been.

What? We've been a million times.

With Sue and Axl. I never got to go.

- I never get to go anywhere.
- Because you're their least favorite.

FRANKIE: Ironically, at the moment,
Axl was my least favorite.

Okay, we'll find a time to take you,
but today isn't it.

Can I go snowmobiling with friends
on Thanksgiving?

No.

No, dude, I can't.
She just totally freaked out on me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

There was square dancing in gym.
Brad Bottig kept asking me to dance.

On the third allemande,
he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Oh, my God. I have a boyfriend!

[SHRIEKS]

She's just a kid, Frankie.
I don't know if I like this.

This is an innocent junior-high thing.
Don't you think we can trust her?

It's the guy I don't trust.

I took square dancing for one reason:
It's a meat market.

Sixty percent off
on a power sander for Mike.

A hundred barrettes for Sue
at Claire's for a dollar.

Two-for-one cargo pants for Brick.

Ha, ha. Look at me, I'm trembling.

What I'm most looking forward to
is movies, singing around the piano.

My niece who I haven't seen
in 14 years is coming.

[GASPS]

I gotta get air mattresses
just to host everyone.

MAN [ON PA]:
Bob, Home Town Buffet called...

...about your Thanksgiving reservation.

They wanna know
if you'd share a two-top with a widower.

We eat at 6.

Oh, thank you.

All right, team, bring it in.
Take a knee.

Sales are at an all-time low.

That is why I'm switching
to a 365-day schedule.

Like that diner out on Route 7.

They do very well.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are you saying
that we're working on Thanksgiving?

[SCOFFS]

Mr. Ehlert, that is just wrong.

Well, so is taking the country away
from a bunch of Indians...

...but aren't you glad we did?

- Ahem. Mr. Ehlert?
- What now? Tampon machine empty?

No. Actually, sir,
I was wondering if I could possibly...

...in any way, have Thanksgiving off
to spend with my family.

We're gonna play a little game called
I Be You, You Be Me.

"Mr. Ehlert, I know I'm the newest
employee with the worst sales record.

And even though I whine about equality
for women in the workplace...

...can I have Thanksgiving off
so I can hug my family all day long...

...even though two minutes ago
you said I had to work?"

Yes?

Okay, I'm me again. No!

Please. My family needs Thanksgiving
and I'm the mom.

I have to cook in the morning.
We eat in the afternoon.

Fine. You can work the evening shift.

If you're still here,
you can work all day Christmas.

Christmas?

Thanksgiving? This man is crazy.

Who the hell buys a car
on Thanksgiving, anyway?

I know it sucks,
but I'm not gonna let it ruin our day.

We'll eat earlier. I'll go to work
then meet you at the mall at midnight.

And tell your dad
about the time change.

You haven't invited him yet.

I will, woman. Back off.

[FRANKIE SIGHS]

Mom, Dad.

This is Brad...

...my boyfriend.

[SUE SHRIEKS]

- Okay, be cool.
- Yeah.

- Hi, Brad.
- Hi, you guys.

Oh, my gosh, I'm super-excited
to finally meet my GF's P's.

FRANKIE: "Girlfriend's parents."
I looked it up later.

Well, we are so excited
to meet you too, Brad.

- Aren't we, Mike?
- Yup.

So you like to square dance, huh?

Oh, I just love square dancing.
All types of dance, really.

You know, ballet, tap, rhythmic.

OMG, is that vintage flannel?

No. Just... Just old.

And super-cute. Ha, ha.

Well, thanks.

We're gonna go get
my Flashdance CD...

...and Brad is gonna show me
some choreography he made up.

- Well, he seemed nice.
- Very.

- Still worried?
- No.

You think we should
say something to Sue?

No, she'll figure it out, eventually.
Or he will.

Yeah.

Oh, what?

[GASPS]

The Black Friday sale
is earlier this year.

- What's earlier than midnight?
- Six o'clock on Thanksgiving Day.

We have got to be there
when the doors open.

Look, the first 100 customers get
20 percent off and a free soft pretzel.

All right. Okay.
I'm just gonna have to go in and...

[GROANS]

I'll ask Mr. Ehlert for a different shift.

I know it's against the rules,
but can Brad and I hang out in my room?

Sure. Close the door
if we're bothering you.

FRANKIE: So Mike finally went
to ask his dad to Thanksgiving.

Which sounds easier than it is...

...because Big Mike's kind of a hoarder
who doesn't like to leave his house.

Maybe because he's got too much pride
to accept an invitation.

Or maybe because there's too much crap
blocking the door.

I know you're home. Montgomery Ward
went out of business 10 years ago.

That's good to know.

So Thanksgiving is coming up.

Is it, now? It...
Oh, well, the calendar says it's today.

Yeah.
The calendar is 4 years old, Dad.

Oh.

Anyway, Frankie is putting together
a nice dinner. You should come.

I don't wanna be a bother.

You're not a bother, Dad.

Don't go making turkey
on my account.

We're making it, anyway.

All of America is.

Well, if I come, you'll just have to get
another chair out of the garage.

All that hassle.

Okay, Dad. We're eating at 4.
Come if you want, don't if you don't.

That's not much of an invite, is it?

[SIGHS]

FRANKIE: Fortunately,
not everyone is too proud to beg.

Sir, I just found out my Aunt Ginny...

...needs emergency surgery
on the night of Thanksgiving.

So could I switch to afternoon shift
so I can take her to the hospital?

- Of course.
- Thank you, Mr. Ehlert.

And you're working Easter.

Okay.

Got the new Thanksgiving schedule.
It's a little funky.

We're gonna have to eat dessert
on the way home.

There's one patch midday where
I'm gonna have to be in two places.

But a test drive or a long bathroom break
will take care of it.

So, yeah, I think
I pretty much nailed it.

I don't see the corn maze on here.

It's only open in the morning,
then they're plowing it down.

Brick, I'm gonna teach you a little phrase
that I think will come in very handy.

I call it, "oh, well."

You know, we went to Disneyland
before you were born. It was awesome.

FRANKIE: Poor Brick.
He was the forgotten third child.

But there was no way
I could go back in to Mr. Ehlert.

He was gonna have to understand that.

Now the kidney is coming
on an earlier flight.

I need to switch to the morning
so I can drive the kidney to the hospital.

It's an HMO.

- Okay, I did it.
- Oh.

It was hard, but I figured it out.

I put the turkey in tonight,
we all set our alarms...

...we eat dinner at dawn.
I work until 11.

We record the football game
while we take Brick to the corn maze.

Come home, clean up, get to the mall.

And for dessert...

...we split a dairy-free yogurt
at the food court.

I have a coupon.

Sounds like the worst Thanksgiving ever.

It really does.
Can I go to Brad's instead?

I really should be with my boyfriend
on Thanksgiving.

I really just care about the corn maze.

No.

Thanksgiving is about family.

We have Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny
coming over and Big Mike.

- Uh, maybe.
- Maybe?

Probably not.

I've asked you to do one thing,
get your dad to come.

Do you people realize
what I have gone through this week...

...to make Thanksgiving happen?
You don't appreciate...

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Oh, hey. That's my ride. Oh.

Hey.

I figured once my friends came
to pick me up...

...you'd be too embarrassed
to say no.

You figured wrong.

No!

[TIRES SCREECH]

You know what?
You don't care, I don't care.

Thanksgiving, canceled.

Way to go, Brick.

[SUE SNIFFING]

Where's the good smell?

Wait, did Mom really cancel
Thanksgiving?

Yeah. She's at work.

- Who's gonna make the turkey?
- Who's gonna bake frozen pies?

Who's gonna open
the cranberry sauce?

- Not Mom.
- Dude.

That sucks.

That's why
we're gonna pick up the slack...

...and pull Thanksgiving together
for her.

That sounds hard.

It's not hard. It's not hard at all.

Watch.

FRANKIE:
So what if we had no Thanksgiving?

Just another day, just another dinner.

It's not like anyone cared, anyway.

BOB:
Guess who made yams...

...with little marshmallows
for Thanksgiving dinner?

Oh, my God, I forgot to tell you.
I canceled that.

A phone call would've been nice.

[SIGHS]

Seven hours? I'm gonna have to
barbecue this thing.

I want you to take your brother
to the corn maze.

Do you just stay up late
trying to figure out ways to ruin my life?

Yes.

Oh, hey,
can I invite Brad over to help?

Won't his parents miss him?

Oh, they're just so excited
he has a girlfriend.

I could see that.

I wonder what our kids will look like.

Mm. Depends what country
you get them from, right?

Axl.

BRICK:
Wow. Now I get why they say:

"The corn is as high
as an elephant's eye."

[WHISPERS]
Elephant.

You know when I saw an elephant?
When Mom and Dad took us to Africa.

They did not.

Did too. I peed in the Nile.

What's up?

Brick?

Brick?

Brick.

FRANKIE: There we were,
stuck working on Thanksgiving.

Waiting for customers
who'd never come.

This is insane.

Nobody is gonna buy a car today.

Why are we even here?

Oh, my... I just wanna go home,
eat with my family...

...enjoy some holiday savings,
and a free hot pretzel.

That is my right as an American.
He can't take that away.

Frankie is right.
We should say something to Mr. Ehlert.

- He can't say no to all of us. Right?
BOB: Right.

- Let's do this.
BOB: Let's go.

Mr. Ehlert?

[CLEARS THROAT]

We have something to say.

We?

I guess it's I.

I have something to say.

It's Thanksgiving, Mr. Ehlert.

We're supposed to be with family,
people we love.

Not people we sort of like
because we work with them.

My wife left me.

Oh.

Brick?

Brick?

Hey, have you seen a little kid
about this tall?

I lost my little brother.

I lost my little brother
in the corn maze in '53.

When the wind rustles the leaves,
I could still hear him calling.

Brick?

FRANKIE:
Now it all made sense.

Mr. Ehlert wanted to stay open
on Thanksgiving...

...because he didn't wanna face
holidays alone.

Sit with me, Frances.

Well, I did have a kidney to pick up...

...but, uh, okay.

Brick.

Brick.

Brick? Where are you?

Better find him
before they start plowing.

Can't see a little boy
from high up on a corn chopper.

Brick! Brick?

Brick?

[WHISTLING]

Aunt Ginny and Aunt Edie are here.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Great. Maybe they can help.

FRANKIE: Aunt Ginny and Aunt Edie
haven't been able to help since 1978.

[GINNY & EDIE SNORING]

BRAD:
Happy Thanksgiving.

[SUE SQUEALS]

It's my boyfriend. Ha, ha.

I made you this centerpiece
from the bounties of nature.

Oh, God, you're so romantic.

P.S., Mr. Heck...

...there's a strange man
parked in front of your house.

[SPORTS GAME PLAYING INDISTINCTLY
OVER RADIO]

Hey, Dad. What're you doing?

Just listening to the game.

Drove across town for that?

Reception is better over here.

Plus, I heard someone threw
a bread maker out in this neighborhood.

Well, long as you're here,
you might as well come in.

- We're barbecuing a whole turkey.
- Oh, I don't wanna be a bother.

You're not a bother, Dad.
I want you to come in.

Please, I'm begging you. Thanksgiving
wouldn't be the same without you.

We wouldn't know what to do
if you didn't come.

FRANKIE:
Yup. No stopping tradition.

Guess I can listen to this inside.

Brick?

Brick! Hey!

Please help me find my brother.
He's lost and I'm so scared.

Um, what's he wearing?

Uh, he's got, like, a green jacket
and a yellow hat, and...

Oh, my God, he's dressed like corn.

We are never gonna find him in here.

BRICK:
Hi.

Brick. Oh, my God.

I'm never letting you out of my sight.
Never, ever, ever. Never again, all right?

What's up?

[GROANS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You know what, Frances, go home.

Go be with your perfect family.

Perfect?

My son wanted to leave me
and spend Thanksgiving with his friends.

- No.
- Yeah. And don't even get me started...

...on my husband and his dad. Oh.

Grandpa Big Mike.

- Boys.
- How was the corn maze?

- Axl hugged me.
- Oh, shut up, dweeb.

[WHISPERS]
I love you. I love you so much.

You know what, Mr. Ehlert?
I can call you that, right? Mr. Ehlert?

I used to be scared of you.
Ha, ha. I was.

But you're just a big,
old teddy bear, right?

Marcie used to call me her teddy bear.

Damn shame she couldn't get over me
working Thanksgiving.

Wait.

Hold on.

Are you kidding me?

I thought you were working today
because your wife left you...

...but your wife left you
because you're working today.

Kept saying,
"You can't keep the dealership open.

Your only daughter
is coming in from Hawaii."

She can't tell me what to do.

Oh, my God.

How dare you
make me waste my Thanksgiving...

...feeling sorry for you.

You don't deserve my sorry.
You know who deserves my sorry?

Me.

I'm going home.

And fire me, don't fire me,
I don't care.

But if you're on the fence,
don't fire me.

[SNORING]

[SIGHS]

FRANKIE:
Thanks for the ride, Bob.

She's here. Let's surprise her.

[KEYS SCRAPING ON DOOR]

[KEYS JINGLING]

ALL:
Surprise!

Oh!

Happy Thanksgiving, honey.

FRANKIE:
They did care. They are perfect.

Come sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

Oh, and this all looks so yummy.

Hey.

Frankie, you forgot your...

"Canceled dinner"?

God, this is like high school
all over again.

Oh, no, Bob, they surprised me.

My wonderful, sweet family.

I am so sorry I yelled at you.

We're sorry too, honey.

We love you, Mom.

I love you too.

I got extra yams in the car.

With little marshmallows.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Here comes the gravy.

I'm... I'm gonna go cry in the toilet.

Mike, come hold my hair.

FRANKIE: And that's the last thing
I remembered.

And though I didn't make it to the mall,
I was there in spirit.

MIKE:
Frankie.

Oh, what did I buy?

Power sander. Eighty percent off.

Did we make the housewares sale
on time?

We got the bacon press.

Oh, good girl.

FRANKIE: Thanksgiving is the time
you appreciate your family the most.

But the one Thanksgiving
I didn't spend with my family...

...I appreciated them more than ever.

See kids, let this be a lesson.

Drinking is not cool.

Mike, I told them I had the flu.

See kids, lying is also not cool.

Honey, let me close this up
just a little bit.

There you go. We have company.

Okay. Night, honey.
Happy Thanksgiving.

[ENGLISH - US - SDH]