The Mask (1995–1997): Season 3, Episode 3 - Fantashtick Voyage - full transcript
[yelling]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
[snoring]
[whimpers]
I have returned.
It was a tough battle.
Germ warfare at its worst.
I made it.
Now to invade,
infect and destroy
the jerk.
And now to trip
the night fantastic.
You know where.
No, where?
Where else?
The Club Coco Bongo.
Somebody stop him!
I lost him! Who am I
gonna contaminate now?
[whimpers]
Hello, doggy.
Come on,
take a nice
drink of water.
[snoring]
[knock on door]
Huh? What?
[groans]
Come in.
Good morning, Stanley.
Rise and shine. I got
your message.
Something about a virus?
Ewww, nothing catchy,
I hope.
Juggling hammers again?
Or did the Mask have another
late night on the town?
[yawns] Knowing the mask,
probably both.
And the virus,
it's in my computer not me.
I tried using the darn thing
yesterday, but it wouldn't work.
I can't return it to the bank
like this.
It's unclean.
It's working fine now.
Whatever was in there is gone.
Really? That is great.
That old bug must have infected
some other poor slob, eh, Milo?
Milo. Milo?
[gasps]
[man] Amazing. A totally
new viral strain.
I've never seen
anything like it.
Me neither. I think.
Mr. Ipkiss, your dog will
have to remain here
for further testing.
We can't risk spreading
an unknown virus, can we?
[whimpers]
I know, Milo,
but don't worry.
Everything's gonna be OK.
- I promise.
- Stanley, sidebar.
You heard the vet.
This bug Milo's caught
is totally out of this world.
Exactly. Does that sound
like anyone we know?
The Mask!
If the Mask has made Milo sick,
then the Mask will just have
to make him well again.
"Play me."
I'd love to.
[harmonica plays]
Be Baywatch!Be Baywatch!
Be Baywatch!Be Baywatch!
All right, you listen up, pal.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Up to now I put up
with your shenanigans.
But now Milo is sick
and you had something
to do with it.
Experts say we should all watch
a little less television.
The batteries must be dead.
He just keeps going
and going and going.
Don't touch that dial.
I got one more thing
to say to you.
You do something
about this, buddy.
Or so help me,
I will stick this mask
in the Smithsonian
where no one will ever
wear it again.
In the name of heaven,
do it, man!
I think he means it.
[gulps]
[screams]
I can't let Stanley
lock me up.
♪ I'm gonna cuss him
to his face ♪
[growls]
[engine revs]
[siren wails]
There he goes.
We got him this time, Doyle.
[horns honk]
My freedom is at stake.
I gotta cure the dog.
I gotta stay focused.
Oh, no!
Kellaway! Doyle!
Tempted by the song
of the sirens.
[grunting] Urge to fight
cops is great.
Must resist.
All right, Mask, pull over!
You can't escape.
You can't escape!
Well, since he
put it that way.
How would you boys like
to slip into something
a little less comfortable?
- Like, oh, say, undies?!
- [shouting]
[both scream]
Hang in there, boy.
The Mask will be here
any minute
and everything will be
just fine.
[groans]
[screaming]
On the left side
of the vehicle,
you will please note
the majestic...
- the mighty Niagara...
- Huh?
and directly ahead,
Edge City Animal Clinic.
Never a spot
when you need one.
No time to circle
the block, though.
[screaming]
[horn honks]
You know, folks, there's nothing
like a little car chase
now and then.
Wow, the buildings are much
taller on this side of town.
Doyle, pay attention, man.
Milo is right here.
How convenient!
Looks like an inside job.
[both]
Oh, no, close your mouth!
Close your mouth!
Close your mouth!
[swallows, gags]
What is it, boy?
Are you choking on something?
Doctor!
No, rock it, I said.
Rock it!
What are you guys doing
in there?
What are you doing
to that animal?
I was just checking
for unsightly yellow build up.
Well, don't. We don't want
a restless patient on our hands.
It'll ruin the exploratory.
Exploratory?
You're gonna operate?
Just as soon as
the specialists arrive.
We'll be poking and probing
this animal for all he's worth.
Hello, Milo.
Can I come in and play?
[gulps]
You didn't just swallow,
did you?
[screaming]
Sounds like the boys are finding
this a little hard to swallow.
Doyle, are you seeing this?
We're inside that dog's stomach.
Wow. This is just like
the Discovery Channel.
In living color, huh?
Hmm, according to this
stomach chart,
I should be able to
take Highway Canine south
all the way to Los Pancreas.
I can't hold her, Deke!
There he is.
We got him now, Doyle.
I'm a-going into the wall.
Listen, Doc,
I'm sure it's nothing.
Aside from those pesky violent
stomach spasms, he's just fine.
[screaming]
Sorry about that, Milo.
Just injecting a little
visual humor.
Those were antibodies.
Milo's immune system's
first line of defense.
23, 40, 12, hut, hut, hut!
This is amazing.
I think I can hear voices.
[man] Dr. Byron,
the specialists have arrived.
Goody. Prepare operation room 1.
We'll be right there.
Come on, Mask.
Gangway, coming through!
[laughs]
[blows whistle]
Flag on the play.
Illegal use of glands.
First down.
[both gasp]
[both] It's you!
How did you get in here?
I asked you first.
So you're the one who's making
Milo such a sick puppy.
Well, guess what.
I'm blowing the whistle on you.
[blows]
Tackle him, boys!
Come on, fellas.
What happened to
your team spirit?
Milo, Milo, he's our mutt.
If we can't save him,
kiss my butt.
[laughs]
You wasted your breath, babe.
Check out the threads.
I'm just another antibody.
Small world. I'm Auntie Modie,
the cleaning lady.
Oh, dear, I can't abide germs
so if you don't mind
I'll just flush you out
of Milo's system now.
[whistles]
Hey, fellas, we got
a troublemaker here.
I gotta mambo.
I'll see you later.
But I kind of doubt it.
[laughing]
You have teased and or
vexed the reclining tiger.
Now you must face the fury
of his claws I tell you.
Ooh!
And now it is time
to avenge my little dog
and wreak vengeance
upon the Cybermite.
[sniffing]
[howling]
He's good.
[panting]
- [horse whinnies]
- Sir Cybermite!
Somebody stopeth me!
I'm alive! [laughs]
Sorry I can't hang out
with youse.
But I'm off to mess
with this mutt's mind.
[screaming]
What are they feeding that mutt?
Huh?
If I'm going down,
I'm taking you with me.
You know, Doyle, I always
thought he was kind of a drag.
Bye-bye.
Wait, you have to save us.
Why? Because I'm the hero
of the show, huh?
Is that it?
Yeah, but if you let us fall,
who will you give wedgies to?
I'm wearing a new pair.
Let's not make this
a habit, boys.
[both sigh]
[screaming]
I got you.
Or should I say, "Got youse."
So many brain cells
so little time.
[drilling]
Ladies and gentlemen,
esteemed colleagues,
members of sensationalist
news rags.
Get real.
Let's get busy.
Wow, huh? Just look at all
those twinkling thoughts
down there.
The brain. It really makes
you think, doesn't it?
Brain, think. That's a joke,
son, a knee slapper.
A funny. Come on, son,
you slow?
Hey, what's
happening down there?
Mm-mmm! I hear this
is brain food.
Soon I'll be unstoppable.
A mutant virus.
Top of the world, Ma!
[laughs]
[Mask] Freeze, Cybermite!
You're getting crumbs
all over the cortex.
Hey, cut it out!
[Milo cries]
[sobbing] How dare you treat
your mother this way?
That tears it.
The rubber gloves are off.
[snarls]
[fighting, yelling]
[barking]
No, stop that!
Heel, boy.
Mama.
I think you'll get
a real charge out of this.
Won't he, folks?
That's right.
What will the Mask do?
Stay tuned until next time
for the shocking conclusion.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
This end right now.
[Doyle] Mr. Virus sir.
What is it?
Doyle!
[screaming]
Why, Doyle.
I never knew you cared.
Smokin'!
Is not allowed in
this section, monsieur.
I'm afraid I will have
to ask you to leave.
Security!
Take 'em out back and fill
'em full of holes, boys.
You know the drill.
Oh, one more thing.
Full frontal wedgie!
Let me go!
I will not be stopped!
You ain't seen
the last of me!
He's better.
He can't be better.
You had a deadly virus.
It's not fair.
He had a deadly virus.
An unknown strain.
My discovery.
You saw it!
[all grumbling]
Don't go.
We can still experiment on him.
It'll be fun.
Good boy, Milo, sweetie.
Yes, you beat the bug,
didn't you?
With a little help
from the Mask.
Doyle, you really saved
my green eggs and ham
back there, buddy.
To show you my appreciation,
I'm busting you out
with me, see?
And just how do you plan
to do that? We're lost.
Does the phrase
blow it out your ear
mean anything to you?
Here's looking at you,
kids.
Nice going, Mask,
wherever you are.
[screaming]
Cheap domestic submersibles.
What happened to the airbags?
Whoa! Gluteus maximus.
[groans] My head.
Hey, where am I?
Kellaway. Doyle.
And what is that smell?
Dog breath.
It smells like Milo!
Milo, you're OK.
That's great.
Oh, my gosh, I'm inside Milo.
[rumbling]
Oh, no, I can't big
in here.
It'll blow Milo's mind.
You better fasten
your seatbelts, boys.
It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
That was a close call, boy.
I wonder if the Mask
got out OK.
OK, there's daylight.
We're home free.
[coughing]
What's the matter, Milo?
You're not having
a relapse, are you?
[sneezes]
Stanley, is that you?
Hey, how you doing, Milo?
How you feeling, boy?
Who's a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
Stanley, look behind you.
Don't worry about the car, Peg.
Just a little bit of nose goo.
It's gonna wash right off.
That's gonna stain.
Ipkiss, you're mine this time.
I'm running you in.
You got a ton of explaining
to do.
Lieutenant, we don't have a car
to run him in in.
Remember, the nose goo
and everything?
Gee, Kellaway,
let me get this straight.
You lost a whole car?
I'd say he's the one
with a ton of explaining
to do to his boss.
[growls]
[laughs] Let's go home, Milo.
You should get yourself one
of these coffee cup holder
deals like mine.
Doyle, don't talk to me.
I wanna be ready
when that green menace
shows his face again.
- [horn honks]
- Thank you.
Thank you, boys in blue,
for giving me another day
to enjoy the true joys of life.
Really? Like what?
I don't know. Lots of things.
But I'll be brief.
Somebody stop me!
After the perp, Doyle, come on!
Doyle, I can't see
anything. Will you get
out of my way, you idiot?!
[shouting]
[theme music playing]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
[snoring]
[whimpers]
I have returned.
It was a tough battle.
Germ warfare at its worst.
I made it.
Now to invade,
infect and destroy
the jerk.
And now to trip
the night fantastic.
You know where.
No, where?
Where else?
The Club Coco Bongo.
Somebody stop him!
I lost him! Who am I
gonna contaminate now?
[whimpers]
Hello, doggy.
Come on,
take a nice
drink of water.
[snoring]
[knock on door]
Huh? What?
[groans]
Come in.
Good morning, Stanley.
Rise and shine. I got
your message.
Something about a virus?
Ewww, nothing catchy,
I hope.
Juggling hammers again?
Or did the Mask have another
late night on the town?
[yawns] Knowing the mask,
probably both.
And the virus,
it's in my computer not me.
I tried using the darn thing
yesterday, but it wouldn't work.
I can't return it to the bank
like this.
It's unclean.
It's working fine now.
Whatever was in there is gone.
Really? That is great.
That old bug must have infected
some other poor slob, eh, Milo?
Milo. Milo?
[gasps]
[man] Amazing. A totally
new viral strain.
I've never seen
anything like it.
Me neither. I think.
Mr. Ipkiss, your dog will
have to remain here
for further testing.
We can't risk spreading
an unknown virus, can we?
[whimpers]
I know, Milo,
but don't worry.
Everything's gonna be OK.
- I promise.
- Stanley, sidebar.
You heard the vet.
This bug Milo's caught
is totally out of this world.
Exactly. Does that sound
like anyone we know?
The Mask!
If the Mask has made Milo sick,
then the Mask will just have
to make him well again.
"Play me."
I'd love to.
[harmonica plays]
Be Baywatch!Be Baywatch!
Be Baywatch!Be Baywatch!
All right, you listen up, pal.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Up to now I put up
with your shenanigans.
But now Milo is sick
and you had something
to do with it.
Experts say we should all watch
a little less television.
The batteries must be dead.
He just keeps going
and going and going.
Don't touch that dial.
I got one more thing
to say to you.
You do something
about this, buddy.
Or so help me,
I will stick this mask
in the Smithsonian
where no one will ever
wear it again.
In the name of heaven,
do it, man!
I think he means it.
[gulps]
[screams]
I can't let Stanley
lock me up.
♪ I'm gonna cuss him
to his face ♪
[growls]
[engine revs]
[siren wails]
There he goes.
We got him this time, Doyle.
[horns honk]
My freedom is at stake.
I gotta cure the dog.
I gotta stay focused.
Oh, no!
Kellaway! Doyle!
Tempted by the song
of the sirens.
[grunting] Urge to fight
cops is great.
Must resist.
All right, Mask, pull over!
You can't escape.
You can't escape!
Well, since he
put it that way.
How would you boys like
to slip into something
a little less comfortable?
- Like, oh, say, undies?!
- [shouting]
[both scream]
Hang in there, boy.
The Mask will be here
any minute
and everything will be
just fine.
[groans]
[screaming]
On the left side
of the vehicle,
you will please note
the majestic...
- the mighty Niagara...
- Huh?
and directly ahead,
Edge City Animal Clinic.
Never a spot
when you need one.
No time to circle
the block, though.
[screaming]
[horn honks]
You know, folks, there's nothing
like a little car chase
now and then.
Wow, the buildings are much
taller on this side of town.
Doyle, pay attention, man.
Milo is right here.
How convenient!
Looks like an inside job.
[both]
Oh, no, close your mouth!
Close your mouth!
Close your mouth!
[swallows, gags]
What is it, boy?
Are you choking on something?
Doctor!
No, rock it, I said.
Rock it!
What are you guys doing
in there?
What are you doing
to that animal?
I was just checking
for unsightly yellow build up.
Well, don't. We don't want
a restless patient on our hands.
It'll ruin the exploratory.
Exploratory?
You're gonna operate?
Just as soon as
the specialists arrive.
We'll be poking and probing
this animal for all he's worth.
Hello, Milo.
Can I come in and play?
[gulps]
You didn't just swallow,
did you?
[screaming]
Sounds like the boys are finding
this a little hard to swallow.
Doyle, are you seeing this?
We're inside that dog's stomach.
Wow. This is just like
the Discovery Channel.
In living color, huh?
Hmm, according to this
stomach chart,
I should be able to
take Highway Canine south
all the way to Los Pancreas.
I can't hold her, Deke!
There he is.
We got him now, Doyle.
I'm a-going into the wall.
Listen, Doc,
I'm sure it's nothing.
Aside from those pesky violent
stomach spasms, he's just fine.
[screaming]
Sorry about that, Milo.
Just injecting a little
visual humor.
Those were antibodies.
Milo's immune system's
first line of defense.
23, 40, 12, hut, hut, hut!
This is amazing.
I think I can hear voices.
[man] Dr. Byron,
the specialists have arrived.
Goody. Prepare operation room 1.
We'll be right there.
Come on, Mask.
Gangway, coming through!
[laughs]
[blows whistle]
Flag on the play.
Illegal use of glands.
First down.
[both gasp]
[both] It's you!
How did you get in here?
I asked you first.
So you're the one who's making
Milo such a sick puppy.
Well, guess what.
I'm blowing the whistle on you.
[blows]
Tackle him, boys!
Come on, fellas.
What happened to
your team spirit?
Milo, Milo, he's our mutt.
If we can't save him,
kiss my butt.
[laughs]
You wasted your breath, babe.
Check out the threads.
I'm just another antibody.
Small world. I'm Auntie Modie,
the cleaning lady.
Oh, dear, I can't abide germs
so if you don't mind
I'll just flush you out
of Milo's system now.
[whistles]
Hey, fellas, we got
a troublemaker here.
I gotta mambo.
I'll see you later.
But I kind of doubt it.
[laughing]
You have teased and or
vexed the reclining tiger.
Now you must face the fury
of his claws I tell you.
Ooh!
And now it is time
to avenge my little dog
and wreak vengeance
upon the Cybermite.
[sniffing]
[howling]
He's good.
[panting]
- [horse whinnies]
- Sir Cybermite!
Somebody stopeth me!
I'm alive! [laughs]
Sorry I can't hang out
with youse.
But I'm off to mess
with this mutt's mind.
[screaming]
What are they feeding that mutt?
Huh?
If I'm going down,
I'm taking you with me.
You know, Doyle, I always
thought he was kind of a drag.
Bye-bye.
Wait, you have to save us.
Why? Because I'm the hero
of the show, huh?
Is that it?
Yeah, but if you let us fall,
who will you give wedgies to?
I'm wearing a new pair.
Let's not make this
a habit, boys.
[both sigh]
[screaming]
I got you.
Or should I say, "Got youse."
So many brain cells
so little time.
[drilling]
Ladies and gentlemen,
esteemed colleagues,
members of sensationalist
news rags.
Get real.
Let's get busy.
Wow, huh? Just look at all
those twinkling thoughts
down there.
The brain. It really makes
you think, doesn't it?
Brain, think. That's a joke,
son, a knee slapper.
A funny. Come on, son,
you slow?
Hey, what's
happening down there?
Mm-mmm! I hear this
is brain food.
Soon I'll be unstoppable.
A mutant virus.
Top of the world, Ma!
[laughs]
[Mask] Freeze, Cybermite!
You're getting crumbs
all over the cortex.
Hey, cut it out!
[Milo cries]
[sobbing] How dare you treat
your mother this way?
That tears it.
The rubber gloves are off.
[snarls]
[fighting, yelling]
[barking]
No, stop that!
Heel, boy.
Mama.
I think you'll get
a real charge out of this.
Won't he, folks?
That's right.
What will the Mask do?
Stay tuned until next time
for the shocking conclusion.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
This end right now.
[Doyle] Mr. Virus sir.
What is it?
Doyle!
[screaming]
Why, Doyle.
I never knew you cared.
Smokin'!
Is not allowed in
this section, monsieur.
I'm afraid I will have
to ask you to leave.
Security!
Take 'em out back and fill
'em full of holes, boys.
You know the drill.
Oh, one more thing.
Full frontal wedgie!
Let me go!
I will not be stopped!
You ain't seen
the last of me!
He's better.
He can't be better.
You had a deadly virus.
It's not fair.
He had a deadly virus.
An unknown strain.
My discovery.
You saw it!
[all grumbling]
Don't go.
We can still experiment on him.
It'll be fun.
Good boy, Milo, sweetie.
Yes, you beat the bug,
didn't you?
With a little help
from the Mask.
Doyle, you really saved
my green eggs and ham
back there, buddy.
To show you my appreciation,
I'm busting you out
with me, see?
And just how do you plan
to do that? We're lost.
Does the phrase
blow it out your ear
mean anything to you?
Here's looking at you,
kids.
Nice going, Mask,
wherever you are.
[screaming]
Cheap domestic submersibles.
What happened to the airbags?
Whoa! Gluteus maximus.
[groans] My head.
Hey, where am I?
Kellaway. Doyle.
And what is that smell?
Dog breath.
It smells like Milo!
Milo, you're OK.
That's great.
Oh, my gosh, I'm inside Milo.
[rumbling]
Oh, no, I can't big
in here.
It'll blow Milo's mind.
You better fasten
your seatbelts, boys.
It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
That was a close call, boy.
I wonder if the Mask
got out OK.
OK, there's daylight.
We're home free.
[coughing]
What's the matter, Milo?
You're not having
a relapse, are you?
[sneezes]
Stanley, is that you?
Hey, how you doing, Milo?
How you feeling, boy?
Who's a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
Stanley, look behind you.
Don't worry about the car, Peg.
Just a little bit of nose goo.
It's gonna wash right off.
That's gonna stain.
Ipkiss, you're mine this time.
I'm running you in.
You got a ton of explaining
to do.
Lieutenant, we don't have a car
to run him in in.
Remember, the nose goo
and everything?
Gee, Kellaway,
let me get this straight.
You lost a whole car?
I'd say he's the one
with a ton of explaining
to do to his boss.
[growls]
[laughs] Let's go home, Milo.
You should get yourself one
of these coffee cup holder
deals like mine.
Doyle, don't talk to me.
I wanna be ready
when that green menace
shows his face again.
- [horn honks]
- Thank you.
Thank you, boys in blue,
for giving me another day
to enjoy the true joys of life.
Really? Like what?
I don't know. Lots of things.
But I'll be brief.
Somebody stop me!
After the perp, Doyle, come on!
Doyle, I can't see
anything. Will you get
out of my way, you idiot?!
[shouting]
[theme music playing]