The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 28 - Convention of Evil - full transcript
[yelling]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
[tires screech]
This must be the place.
How very receptive of you, Pete.
[engine revving]
[Pretorius] Ah, a few more
late arrivals.
Lonnie the Shark and Pete.
Meet, Gorgonzola,
evil Goddess of cheese.
Cheese to meet you.
[laughing]
Hey!
The Tempest,
master of the weather.
[slurping sound]
[Pretorius] And this little,
busy bee is the Stinger.
[loud slurping]
[burps]
Charming.
And I believe you know the rest
of the local riff-raff.
- How ya doin'?
- Hey, what's up?
We may have more late arrivals
but let's begin, shall we?
First, let me say
how pleased I am
that the weather has cleared.
You're welcome.
[chuckles]
What, you think that storm
just disappeared by itself?
It's come to my attention
that what this town needs
is a consolidation of power.
A criminal cartel, if you will.
All of us working together
for the common evil.
[inhales] Imagine the
possibilities of such a venture.
- What's the rub?
- Oh, fabulous.
I somehow detect
something less than
total enthusiasm
for my little idea.
There's just one
little problem, Pretorius.
Just one little
fly in the ointment.
I ask, the Mask?
He's got you all
running scared, hasn't he?
Scared? Who are
you callin' scared?
It's just that he's always
bitten us. It's depressing.
[man] Depression is really
nothing more than a form of
avoidance.
Who is this
pencil neck cretin, Pretorius?
His name is Neuman.
I invited him here because
there is a serious morale
problem corrupting our ranks.
So what's he,
some kind of a cheerleader?
Actually, I'm a psychologist.
Buzz off, creep.
We don't want no
stinking shrink here. Beat it!
[talking over each other]
Yeah, they're always talking
about how your parents screwed
you up.
How you've got all this
repressed hostility.
Well I don't have
any repressed hostility!
Yes, I can see that.
You're all harboring a classic
case of what I call,
"Maskophobia".
Fear of a certain
green-faced no-goodnik.
My latest book, available in
fine bookstores everywhere,
deals with just such
a phenomenon.
What I'd like you all to do is
to share your experiences
vis-à-vis the Mask,
to speak through the pain in
order to become liberated
from the shackles
of limiting beliefs.
He wants you to talk about
your run-ins with the Mask.
Oh, now I get it.
[all talking over each other]
Now, who'd like to go first?
How about you?
Oh, I would, but the thing of it
is I got this terribly inflamed
larynx and... [coughs]
Shut up, Pete!
And start talking.
[gulps] Uh... sure, boss, sure.
Uh... a few months back,
me and Lonnie and the boys had a
sweet, little robbery situation
going on at the new mega mall.
Get that bloke!
He'll ruin everything!
Guten tag. Lovely day
for a skate, ya?
[yelling]
[grunting]
Young fella, you need
to be taught a lesson.
But first...
Martian Kung Fu
Kickboxer Part II.
You know, part I was like my
fave flick of all time.
Lonnie, there's this green-faced
bloke out to get me!
Just like that monster dog
you saw earlier?
Now gather the men,
our chopper is landing.
What's all that racket?
It's not nice to mess with Mr.
Mask's movie going experience.
[elevator dings]
Going down?
[gasps]
[screaming]
[crashing]
Ground floor: Laundry World,
Hall of Cheese and the
International House of Velcro.
Speaking of which...
[yelling]
[grunting]
A very traumatic experience
indeed, but thank you for
sharing, Pete.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Oh, not at all, no.
Matter of fact,
I feel strangely unburdened.
Now who would
like to share next?
Oh, since they're all
such wimps, I'll go.
[clears throat]
I had just been
set free from my tomb,
and I decided to give
Edge City a cheesing
they'd never forget.
[chuckles]
Let every mortal shudder
at the power of Gorgonzola.
I shall destroy your world.
[laser sound]
[tires screeching]
We are live
at the Edge City bridge,
which has just been turned to
cheese by the creature who calls
herself Gorgonzola.
What we're witnessing is the
most powerful, destructive force
that Edge City has ever...
Hey... I thought I was
the big cheese in town.
Not anymore, Gorgonzola
is far more powerful than you.
This cheese woman
stinks, methinks.
Now, let me to my task,
while nobody upstages the Mask.
Whoo! Careful.
[chuckles] Must be a van. Ow!
This mold-faced meddler shall
get a taste of my extra sharp
cheddar.
Somebody popped me!
[laughing]
Now, that should take care of...
No, no, no, no. You have to lie
down please, or else the therapy
won't work.
So, how long have you had this
obsession of turning stuff
into... cheese?
You dare mock me?
You dare mock me?
- Stop it!
- Stop it!
Annoying, aren't I?
But you know what's
really annoying?
[yelling]
[screaming]
But wait, there's more.
[scratching sound]
The noise!
Big smile now! Say "cheese"!
Cheese wedgie!
Nobody wedgies Gorgonzola!
[Pete] Pardon the interruption,
old girl,
but is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
Don't look at me.
Yes, it's like an oven.
[screaming]
[coughing]
What's everybody staring at?
So I'm late, sue me.
[Pretorius] But, had to travel
rather long way to get here.
Oh, yeah, so where you from?
Someplace where your heart...
down south a ways.
[gulps] F... Florida?
Hotter.
I could take you there.
All you have to do
is sign this contract.
Oh, no thanks.
[all laughing]
[clears throat]
As I was saying...
[people laughing]
[groans]
Yah! Mosh pit!
Kickin'!
[grunting]
Now I ask,
could I be anymore hip?
[groans]
These horrible sounds.
All that talk about dancing
reminds me of my little run-in
with that masked character.
Thank you, thank you.
You're too kind.
Thank you so...
[explosion]
Hit it!
[dance music plays]
[crowd cheering]
[laughing]
Top that, wise guy.
No problemo. But first...
Let's say we make that little
boombox of yours go boom.
[crowd cheering]
I see a lot of gimmicks, kiddo.
But I don't see any dancing.
[Russian accent] Then please to
watch carefully my capitalist
friend.
Hey!
I don't need your help.
Watch this.
I catch you, I promise.
Oops. Had my fingers crossed.
[crowd cheering]
[chanting]
Pineapple?
Oh, did I say pineapple?
I meant hand grenade!
- Eight, nine, ten.
- [bell rings]
It's all over!
And the winner!
[shudders] That
neanderthal ninny!
But you know what?
He got away that time,
but I'll get him someday!
I venture to say we'll all
wind up with Bub someday.
[all gulp]
You have that right.
I don't exactly see angel wings
and harps in any of your
futures.
[slurps] I'm next, but with
a honey of a story to tell.
- It all started...
- Wait. It's my turn, bee boy.
Bee boy?
Nobody calls me "bee boy".
What's the matter? Does the
truth have a nasty sting to it?
No, but my
little friends here do.
[buzzing sound]
Oh, goody, goody, goody. This is
healthy, assertive behavior.
You're really getting
in touch with your anger.
Oh, yeah? Well,
get in touch with this.
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
Enough!
Congratulations, Mr. Tempest,
you've really gotten in touch
with your inner child.
Have a lolly.
Now, why don't you share your
experience of the Mask.
[all talking over each other]
That all right with you,
bee boy?
Sure, hey, go ahead, no problem.
Oh, it was a beautiful day
in the neighborhood.
And I had to
do something about that.
Break out the life rafts,
Edge City.
'Cause it's gonna rain
like it's never rained before.
Hmm. This pizza seems
a tad on the soggy side.
OK, who's the doofus who forgot
to jiggle the handle on the
toilet?!
[seal barking]
It's that weather weirdo again!
He's ruining my city!
Only I get to do that.
Finally, the city
trembles before
the terrible power
of the Tempest.
Just wait until they hear
tomorrow's forecast.
It's going to be
unseasonably deadly.
[Mask] Say there.
You wouldn't have a spare
towel on you, would you?
No?
Well then, I'm just gonna
have to dry off doggy style.
[shivering sound]
Oh, do let me help.
A little heat lightning
can do wonders.
But I chafe rather easily...
...on account of my dainty,
girlish complexion.
[giggles]
[snickers]
Such disrespect.
Time for you
to hail to the chief.
You call that a pitch?
[grunts]
Time for you to hit the showers.
Now, where is that
weather weenie?
The Tempest is no weenie
you green monstrosity.
I command the elements, behold!
[thunder rumbles]
Hmm. Not good.
[screams]
Oh, I am sorry.
What you need is
a little soothing water
to wipe away those salty tears.
[gargling]
[muffled] That's it!
I can't take any more!
Like a green rat trying to
escape a sinking ship.
[muffled] No, more like a
plumber trying to unclog a
stinky drain.
[laughing]
Flushed you down the drain!
[choking]
Ever had a lightning bolt
shoved up your nose?
I think it's time
we heard from you, Mr. Bee.
The name is the Stinger!
You got that? Not bee boy,
not Mr. B. The Stinger!
I just constructed
the world's largest beehive.
My dear drones,
how truly fortunate I am,
how honored, that you're
building the world's largest
honeycomb just for me.
Now I shall be able to
manufacture all the honey I need
to keep my hunger satiated.
And if I need to enslave
all of humanity to do it,
well, tough tamales.
Oh, honey, I'm home!
Where did you
get all this stuff?
How about a wax attack to wipe
that smirk off his face?
[scoffs] You call that wax?
Now this is wax!
[grunts]
Hey, man. I heard they were,
like, having a bee-in around
here.
[grunting]
[both screaming]
[phone ringing]
I was just getting
to the good part!
Sorry, I told my service
to hold all calls.
Hello.
- [honking]
- Dr. Neuman here.
Traffic's just awful, but
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Ah-ha!
You are an imposter!
Well, it's about time you
figured it out, genius.
It was getting
mighty stinky in there.
[sniffs] Whoo! BO city!
- You wanna whiff?
- It's him.
- Let's sting him good!
- This outta fix his wagon.
You know what your problem is,
my foul weather friend?
You're wedgie retentive.
- [screams]
- There now! All better, ya?
Und, you boys suffer from too
much repressed neurosis.
What you need
is an ink blot test.
Oh...
[snickers]
You, my friend,
suffer from cheesy delusions.
As though the weight of
the world is on your shoulders.
Am I right?
Well, now it is!
[screams]
You boys are starting to bug me.
[grunts]
You belong to me!
And you can go to...
you know where.
[screams]
Sic him!
Missed me. Whoo! Not even close.
You're so pre-prosperous.
Behind ya, pal.
[yelling]
Stay away from me, Mask.
I'm warning you.
You know, I'm no shrink...
...though I do play one on TV...
but you are one guy who really
needs to get his head shrunk!
No, stop!
[high-pitched voice]
What a cool little head!
Perfect for playing a game with.
Ow! No! Stop!
I don't think so!
I'm having a ball!
And I'm really getting
in touch with my inner child.
Somebody stop me!
[laughing]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
[tires screech]
This must be the place.
How very receptive of you, Pete.
[engine revving]
[Pretorius] Ah, a few more
late arrivals.
Lonnie the Shark and Pete.
Meet, Gorgonzola,
evil Goddess of cheese.
Cheese to meet you.
[laughing]
Hey!
The Tempest,
master of the weather.
[slurping sound]
[Pretorius] And this little,
busy bee is the Stinger.
[loud slurping]
[burps]
Charming.
And I believe you know the rest
of the local riff-raff.
- How ya doin'?
- Hey, what's up?
We may have more late arrivals
but let's begin, shall we?
First, let me say
how pleased I am
that the weather has cleared.
You're welcome.
[chuckles]
What, you think that storm
just disappeared by itself?
It's come to my attention
that what this town needs
is a consolidation of power.
A criminal cartel, if you will.
All of us working together
for the common evil.
[inhales] Imagine the
possibilities of such a venture.
- What's the rub?
- Oh, fabulous.
I somehow detect
something less than
total enthusiasm
for my little idea.
There's just one
little problem, Pretorius.
Just one little
fly in the ointment.
I ask, the Mask?
He's got you all
running scared, hasn't he?
Scared? Who are
you callin' scared?
It's just that he's always
bitten us. It's depressing.
[man] Depression is really
nothing more than a form of
avoidance.
Who is this
pencil neck cretin, Pretorius?
His name is Neuman.
I invited him here because
there is a serious morale
problem corrupting our ranks.
So what's he,
some kind of a cheerleader?
Actually, I'm a psychologist.
Buzz off, creep.
We don't want no
stinking shrink here. Beat it!
[talking over each other]
Yeah, they're always talking
about how your parents screwed
you up.
How you've got all this
repressed hostility.
Well I don't have
any repressed hostility!
Yes, I can see that.
You're all harboring a classic
case of what I call,
"Maskophobia".
Fear of a certain
green-faced no-goodnik.
My latest book, available in
fine bookstores everywhere,
deals with just such
a phenomenon.
What I'd like you all to do is
to share your experiences
vis-à-vis the Mask,
to speak through the pain in
order to become liberated
from the shackles
of limiting beliefs.
He wants you to talk about
your run-ins with the Mask.
Oh, now I get it.
[all talking over each other]
Now, who'd like to go first?
How about you?
Oh, I would, but the thing of it
is I got this terribly inflamed
larynx and... [coughs]
Shut up, Pete!
And start talking.
[gulps] Uh... sure, boss, sure.
Uh... a few months back,
me and Lonnie and the boys had a
sweet, little robbery situation
going on at the new mega mall.
Get that bloke!
He'll ruin everything!
Guten tag. Lovely day
for a skate, ya?
[yelling]
[grunting]
Young fella, you need
to be taught a lesson.
But first...
Martian Kung Fu
Kickboxer Part II.
You know, part I was like my
fave flick of all time.
Lonnie, there's this green-faced
bloke out to get me!
Just like that monster dog
you saw earlier?
Now gather the men,
our chopper is landing.
What's all that racket?
It's not nice to mess with Mr.
Mask's movie going experience.
[elevator dings]
Going down?
[gasps]
[screaming]
[crashing]
Ground floor: Laundry World,
Hall of Cheese and the
International House of Velcro.
Speaking of which...
[yelling]
[grunting]
A very traumatic experience
indeed, but thank you for
sharing, Pete.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Oh, not at all, no.
Matter of fact,
I feel strangely unburdened.
Now who would
like to share next?
Oh, since they're all
such wimps, I'll go.
[clears throat]
I had just been
set free from my tomb,
and I decided to give
Edge City a cheesing
they'd never forget.
[chuckles]
Let every mortal shudder
at the power of Gorgonzola.
I shall destroy your world.
[laser sound]
[tires screeching]
We are live
at the Edge City bridge,
which has just been turned to
cheese by the creature who calls
herself Gorgonzola.
What we're witnessing is the
most powerful, destructive force
that Edge City has ever...
Hey... I thought I was
the big cheese in town.
Not anymore, Gorgonzola
is far more powerful than you.
This cheese woman
stinks, methinks.
Now, let me to my task,
while nobody upstages the Mask.
Whoo! Careful.
[chuckles] Must be a van. Ow!
This mold-faced meddler shall
get a taste of my extra sharp
cheddar.
Somebody popped me!
[laughing]
Now, that should take care of...
No, no, no, no. You have to lie
down please, or else the therapy
won't work.
So, how long have you had this
obsession of turning stuff
into... cheese?
You dare mock me?
You dare mock me?
- Stop it!
- Stop it!
Annoying, aren't I?
But you know what's
really annoying?
[yelling]
[screaming]
But wait, there's more.
[scratching sound]
The noise!
Big smile now! Say "cheese"!
Cheese wedgie!
Nobody wedgies Gorgonzola!
[Pete] Pardon the interruption,
old girl,
but is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
Don't look at me.
Yes, it's like an oven.
[screaming]
[coughing]
What's everybody staring at?
So I'm late, sue me.
[Pretorius] But, had to travel
rather long way to get here.
Oh, yeah, so where you from?
Someplace where your heart...
down south a ways.
[gulps] F... Florida?
Hotter.
I could take you there.
All you have to do
is sign this contract.
Oh, no thanks.
[all laughing]
[clears throat]
As I was saying...
[people laughing]
[groans]
Yah! Mosh pit!
Kickin'!
[grunting]
Now I ask,
could I be anymore hip?
[groans]
These horrible sounds.
All that talk about dancing
reminds me of my little run-in
with that masked character.
Thank you, thank you.
You're too kind.
Thank you so...
[explosion]
Hit it!
[dance music plays]
[crowd cheering]
[laughing]
Top that, wise guy.
No problemo. But first...
Let's say we make that little
boombox of yours go boom.
[crowd cheering]
I see a lot of gimmicks, kiddo.
But I don't see any dancing.
[Russian accent] Then please to
watch carefully my capitalist
friend.
Hey!
I don't need your help.
Watch this.
I catch you, I promise.
Oops. Had my fingers crossed.
[crowd cheering]
[chanting]
Pineapple?
Oh, did I say pineapple?
I meant hand grenade!
- Eight, nine, ten.
- [bell rings]
It's all over!
And the winner!
[shudders] That
neanderthal ninny!
But you know what?
He got away that time,
but I'll get him someday!
I venture to say we'll all
wind up with Bub someday.
[all gulp]
You have that right.
I don't exactly see angel wings
and harps in any of your
futures.
[slurps] I'm next, but with
a honey of a story to tell.
- It all started...
- Wait. It's my turn, bee boy.
Bee boy?
Nobody calls me "bee boy".
What's the matter? Does the
truth have a nasty sting to it?
No, but my
little friends here do.
[buzzing sound]
Oh, goody, goody, goody. This is
healthy, assertive behavior.
You're really getting
in touch with your anger.
Oh, yeah? Well,
get in touch with this.
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
Enough!
Congratulations, Mr. Tempest,
you've really gotten in touch
with your inner child.
Have a lolly.
Now, why don't you share your
experience of the Mask.
[all talking over each other]
That all right with you,
bee boy?
Sure, hey, go ahead, no problem.
Oh, it was a beautiful day
in the neighborhood.
And I had to
do something about that.
Break out the life rafts,
Edge City.
'Cause it's gonna rain
like it's never rained before.
Hmm. This pizza seems
a tad on the soggy side.
OK, who's the doofus who forgot
to jiggle the handle on the
toilet?!
[seal barking]
It's that weather weirdo again!
He's ruining my city!
Only I get to do that.
Finally, the city
trembles before
the terrible power
of the Tempest.
Just wait until they hear
tomorrow's forecast.
It's going to be
unseasonably deadly.
[Mask] Say there.
You wouldn't have a spare
towel on you, would you?
No?
Well then, I'm just gonna
have to dry off doggy style.
[shivering sound]
Oh, do let me help.
A little heat lightning
can do wonders.
But I chafe rather easily...
...on account of my dainty,
girlish complexion.
[giggles]
[snickers]
Such disrespect.
Time for you
to hail to the chief.
You call that a pitch?
[grunts]
Time for you to hit the showers.
Now, where is that
weather weenie?
The Tempest is no weenie
you green monstrosity.
I command the elements, behold!
[thunder rumbles]
Hmm. Not good.
[screams]
Oh, I am sorry.
What you need is
a little soothing water
to wipe away those salty tears.
[gargling]
[muffled] That's it!
I can't take any more!
Like a green rat trying to
escape a sinking ship.
[muffled] No, more like a
plumber trying to unclog a
stinky drain.
[laughing]
Flushed you down the drain!
[choking]
Ever had a lightning bolt
shoved up your nose?
I think it's time
we heard from you, Mr. Bee.
The name is the Stinger!
You got that? Not bee boy,
not Mr. B. The Stinger!
I just constructed
the world's largest beehive.
My dear drones,
how truly fortunate I am,
how honored, that you're
building the world's largest
honeycomb just for me.
Now I shall be able to
manufacture all the honey I need
to keep my hunger satiated.
And if I need to enslave
all of humanity to do it,
well, tough tamales.
Oh, honey, I'm home!
Where did you
get all this stuff?
How about a wax attack to wipe
that smirk off his face?
[scoffs] You call that wax?
Now this is wax!
[grunts]
Hey, man. I heard they were,
like, having a bee-in around
here.
[grunting]
[both screaming]
[phone ringing]
I was just getting
to the good part!
Sorry, I told my service
to hold all calls.
Hello.
- [honking]
- Dr. Neuman here.
Traffic's just awful, but
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Ah-ha!
You are an imposter!
Well, it's about time you
figured it out, genius.
It was getting
mighty stinky in there.
[sniffs] Whoo! BO city!
- You wanna whiff?
- It's him.
- Let's sting him good!
- This outta fix his wagon.
You know what your problem is,
my foul weather friend?
You're wedgie retentive.
- [screams]
- There now! All better, ya?
Und, you boys suffer from too
much repressed neurosis.
What you need
is an ink blot test.
Oh...
[snickers]
You, my friend,
suffer from cheesy delusions.
As though the weight of
the world is on your shoulders.
Am I right?
Well, now it is!
[screams]
You boys are starting to bug me.
[grunts]
You belong to me!
And you can go to...
you know where.
[screams]
Sic him!
Missed me. Whoo! Not even close.
You're so pre-prosperous.
Behind ya, pal.
[yelling]
Stay away from me, Mask.
I'm warning you.
You know, I'm no shrink...
...though I do play one on TV...
but you are one guy who really
needs to get his head shrunk!
No, stop!
[high-pitched voice]
What a cool little head!
Perfect for playing a game with.
Ow! No! Stop!
I don't think so!
I'm having a ball!
And I'm really getting
in touch with my inner child.
Somebody stop me!
[laughing]