The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 16 - Mr. Mask Goes to Washington - full transcript
[yelling]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe, when they made me
Yeah, they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined.
Totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last thing
I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
My fellow citizens,
this is a historic day.
Not only are we opening up
the newly renovated section
of downtown Edge City,
but arriving any second now
will be our most honored
and very special guest...
[stammering]
Yes, yes, it's him!
I give you, the President
of the United States!
[crowd cheering]
Thank you,
thank you very much.
Mr. President,
welcome to Edge City.
A true flash
to the bluffin' it.
I mean, a true bastion
of fluffiness.
[laughing] Well, I'm
as pleased as a peach
to be here, Tilton.
Now, let's see
this new downtown of yours.
I've got a schedule to keep.
Tax dollars paid
for the renovation,
Mr. President.
But now we're painfully
short on funds, you know...
[President]: Well, I'm sure
we can work something out,
provided I can count
on your support
come Election Day, huh?
Avast, ye maties!
We sail with the tide.
[chuckling]
Be free,
me barnacle-loving boyos.
Back to the briny deep
with you.
[man]: Nobody liberates
lobsters in my town
and gets away with it.
[grunting]
I got one, Lieutenant.
Quick, get some butter.
- [clicking]
- [shouting]
[muffled] Get it
off of me, Doyle!
Come here, buddy.
[both struggling]
[laughing] Aye!
A hard night
of lobster saving
always gives me
a hankering...
...for a crab taco
from Murray's Taco Hutch.
[President]: So, with
a sizable contribution
to my campaign fund,
I'm sure I can arrange
some more government dollars
for your renovation work.
[rumbling]
It's gonna hit
my Taco Hutch!
[both gasping]
OK, buddy, don't move.
Hold on there, Greenfield.
Let this young man go.
But, sir, this guy could be
some sort of wacko.
[Lieutenant]: Yeah,
he's worse than that.
He's a menace!
I beg to differ.
This young man
saved my life.
He's a national hero.
I'm a hero, you're a zero.
Hey, Murray!
One triple crab taco,
por favor.
Son, I'd like to award you this
Congressional Medal of Honor
in recognition
of your act of bravery.
[female voice] Oh, I'll treasure
this for the rest of my life.
Here you go, Murray.
Keep the change.
Young man, I want you
to come to work for me
as a Secret Service agent.
[clears throat]
Sorry, Prezo pal,
but work isn't part
of my vocabulary.
See, I'm what you call
a member of the leisure class.
Member of the criminal class
is more like it.
Don't sell yourself short, son.
You're the type of
brash young upstart
this country needs.
You owe it to the nation
to give them your best.
[Mask] My fellow members
of Congress,
today's first order
of business is...
...everybody conga!
♪ Democrats,
you go right here ♪
♪ Republicans,
you go right here ♪
♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh ♪
How'd you like to be
my First Lady?
And you can be my second,
and you can be my third.
Yeah, I can hang with that.
I mean, since the country
needs me and all.
Thatta boy!
[cheering]
That guy's got troublemaker
written all over him.
You got that right.
But don't worry, I'll
help you get rid of...
- [creaking]
- [all shouting]
Lieutenant, did you want
mild or hot?
Lieutenant?
[grunts]
Mmm.
I've been ordered
to give you your first
Secret Service assignment.
[Scottish accent]
Doubtless I'll be going after
that notorious criminal,
Goldpinkie.
Remember, G, I like my sodas
shaken, not stirred.
Tonight, you're on
parking detail.
What?
No political intrigue?
No super villains?
Bummer, man.
[engine starting]
[tires screech]
Well, that was easy enough.
Now, to crash the bash!
[man] So I told them I
wouldn't put up with that.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] I couldn't
believe what he said.
Good evening, everyone.
Now that we've gotten the
formalities out of the way,
let's chow down!
Excuse me there, bunkie,
do you mind if I cut in?
Do you no know who I am?
Presidente Sammy de Coca,
dictator of the
Plantain Republic.
No one but no one
cuts in on me.
Fine. Then I'll just take
this last deviled egg.
No! I had dibs.
Give it back at once.
You want it?
You got it.
Oh, you capitalistic cow!
[sputtering]
So much for diplomacy.
- Oh!
- [man] Vanderbilt!
Oh, I never! Oh!
[chatting]
- [all gasping]
- [man 2] My eye!
[indistinct chatter]
I knew that green-headed punk
was trouble.
It's the end of
the buffet line
for you, pal.
Ho, ho!
Not so fast, knave.
My rapier drumstick
shall hold you at bay.
I see London,
I see France,
I see stinky underpants.
- [ripping]
- [all laughing]
What's that, you say?
Pass the dip?
Certainly.
And here's a little punch
to wash it all down.
Feels so good
to look so bad.
Young man, your days with
the Secret Service are over.
[panting] Yeah.
I'm glad you've finally come
to your senses, Mr. President.
You made my party
a smashing success.
I don't know when
I've had so much fun.
I want you to be
my personal aide
from now on.
[Mask] Capital idea,
old boy.
[laughing]
I just loved it when you threw
that torte at Mrs. Beavish.
I laughed so hard,
yogurt came out my nose.
[Mask laughing]
Oh, Greenfield,
bring the white limo around,
won't you? Me and the Prez
are going out for some
chili fries and pork rinds.
[grumbling]
[gasping]
And what a gorgeous day
it's turned out to be
for the opening game
of the football season.
And of course,
the President is on hand
to throw out the first ball.
Son, how'd you like to throw out
the first ball for me?
Why, hoppin' howdy hamcakes.
Would I ever!
[grunting]
Well, golly, I guess I
don't know my own strength.
[Greenfield] That's it.
I've had it up to here
with that green-faced freak.
But Chief, the President
loves the guy.
Which is why I'm putting him
on 24 hour surveillance.
I know he's up to no good,
and I'm gonna
catch him red-handed.
- [phone ringing]
- Ye-llo?
This is Presidente
Sammy de Coca,
of the Plantain Republic.
Porky!
How you doing, buddy?
Porky?
Do not call me Porky!
I am demanding an apology
for the culinary insults
I endured the other night!
[radio announcer] And the first
lucky listener to call in
will get free concert tickets
to see Sam Luis Obispo
and his fabulous
Irish Jawtaw Band.
Sorry, pudge buddy,
but something big's come up.
[dial tone]
[dialing buttons]
Yes, indeed.
A little phone tap
on Mr. Mask
should give me
the evidence I need.
[announcer] Congratulations,
music fan,
you've just won yourself
some free tickets!
Oh, yes!
Daddy's steppin' out tonight!
Rats! I think I've got
a loose wire.
So, I guess you'll be
wanting my address.
- OK, it's a big white house
on Pennsly...
- [phone clicks]
Sorry, I'm having
some trouble hearing you.
Oh, looks like
we got disconnected.
Guess we'll just have to go on
to another lucky caller.
[screaming] No!
[panting]
Messing with my wires?
That gets me...
moderately peeved.
Bet you thought I was gonna
say "steamed", didn't you?
[yelling]
[grunts]
- [straining]
- [President]
Ah, my favorite assistant.
Thanks for sitting in
and taking my calls today.
No-no problemo, Big P.
Now, if you don't mind
I need to order
some more doggie biscuits
for little Poopsie here.
[grunts]
[screaming]
Greenfield!
It's the patrol for you.
Oh, no. Please, sir.
Not that.
Puppy patrol
is so humiliating.
[barking]
Cut it out, you dumb dog,
it's only a...
[shouts]
[groaning]
The Washington Monument.
It's majestic.
It's noble.
It's gotta go.
He's up to something,
all right.
[Mask]
Stand back, everyone.
Progress on the move.
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
You destroyed
the Washington Monument!
Had to, kids.
It was blocking the view
of my new floating nightclub.
[all cheering]
[reporter] Mr. President,
how would you characterize
the first three years
of your administration?
[whispering] I think you
should say it was smokin'.
Smokin'!
- [applause]
- Good answer.
He's got total confidence
in his agenda.
What do you say to
the other politicians
who are trying to
run you out of office?
[whispering] Definitely
you should be doing this.
Somebody stop me.
Somebody stop me!
[reporter] Very good.
Excellent.
[reporter 2] He's really
standing up for his beliefs.
[reporter 3] He won't be
bullied, and good sound bite.
I can't take it, Doyle.
That psycho
has got to be stopped.
Oh, gee, Lieutenant,
I thought you voted for him.
I'm talking about the Mask,
you idiot!
[shouting]
Mr. President,
why was the Washington
Monument demolished?
Uh, well, uh, I...
[whispering]
It was blocking my view.
[chatter]
That was brilliant.
He's saying out with the old
and in with the new.
Finally, a true visionary.
[all chattering]
[all chanting]
Four more years!
Four more years!
Four more years!
Four more years!
Mr. President,
I just received this fax
from Lieutenant Kellaway
in Edge City.
All previous offenses
that the Mask has committed.
Hundreds of unlicensed wedgies,
felonious transport of hamsters
across state lines.
Sir, you have to
do something.
Greenfield,
you're absolutely right.
In fact, I've already
taken action.
I've appointed the Mask
my new Secretary of State.
According to a recent poll,
my popularity has soared
- since he's been at my side.
- [gasping]
Now I can take
a much needed vacation
and leave him in charge.
But first...
...my buddy and I are gonna
play a round of golf.
[both] Smokin'!
[growling]
Yeah, here you go there,
Greenfield.
Duty calls.
And make sure you use
the pooper-scooper this time.
[shaking]
[growling]
- [biting]
- [Greenfield screams]
Hmm, my first day
as acting President.
What should I do first?
Balance the budget,
develop alternate fuel sources,
go to the theater.
No! Scratch that idea.
Sammy de Coca
waits for no one!
El muchacho muy grande.
How've you been?
Now you simply must tell me
every little thing
that's been going on.
I am demanding an apology
for the humiliation you gave me
at the White House ball.
An apology?
[sniffing]
You don't write.
You don't call.
And now you want
an apology?!
[sobbing]
I might as well not go on.
No, don't. Don't cry.
Don't cry for me.
I am sorry.
I'll do better
in the future.
[sniffs] Hold me.
Promise to visit more often?
Every Sunday.
[sobbing]
That's my little Porky.
I am not Porky!
I'm... big-boned!
Howdy, partner.
Miss me?
Something stinks in here.
Ta-da!
Just your typical
head of state.
In honor of
this momentous occasion,
I'd now like to present you
with the Presidential Seal.
[shouting]
This means... war!
Closet.
Do you hear me? War!
War? Huh!
What could his puny
little country
possibly do to hurt me?
[people screaming]
That's it.
No more Mr. Nicey-Nice.
[grunting]
Sink my nightclub, will he?
I'll show him swift
American vengeance.
Ha, ha! Take that.
Nobody defaces my face.
Fire!
[Greenfield]
Well, well, well.
So he started
his own little war.
This news ought to end
his career with a bang.
[boinging]
Whoa!
Oh!
Do not let him get away!
[shouting]
Ooh, that hurt!
[groaning]
You got me.
Ha! You are my prisoner.
Now you will
have to apologize.
[coughing]
No, no. I can't.
You see, I feel...
I feel...
I feel like dancing!
[grunting]
To the planes, men!
[panting]
Oh, these guys
are fun and all,
but they are really...
...starting to bug me!
[gasping]
I will take care
of him myself!
Oh, sure,
he's got a big tank.
But I've got something
he doesn't.
But first, our adventure.
[slurping]
OK.
That's it.
I'm for giving up.
[groaning]
[woman]: And due to
the Plantain Republic's
recent military defeat,
dictator Sammy de Coca
has just signed
a long-awaited
peace agreement.
Nice doing business
with you, Porky.
I am not...
Oh, never mind.
Son, I had to come back
when I heard the news.
You're an international hero
for getting that treaty signed.
I think it's about time
I appointed you
to be my Vice President.
[Greenfield] Wait!
I have irrefutable proof
that the Mask is no good.
So, if I give you
this 10 million dollars,
you promise to support
the truss and girdle lobby?
Well, I don't ordinarily,
but, uh...
...you bet
your lederhosen, baby.
There it is.
the Mask taking a bribe.
But I thought that's how
you politicians got paid.
Well, it is, son, but we
don't like to talk about it.
And getting caught
is a huge no-no!
If this scandalous
information gets out,
- your popularity will plummet.
- You're right, Greenfield.
I'm afraid you'll have
to resign immediately.
My fellow Americans,
as I say farewell,
I do so with a heavy heart.
[groaning]
Ah. Well, that's
a little better.
And I want you all
to know one thing,
I am not a crook.
Well, OK, maybe
a little bit of a crook.
So, without any fanfare,
I'll take my leave.
- [all sobbing]
- I'll be going now.
But first...
Somebody stop me!
[laughing]
♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪
♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪
Somebody stop me!
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!
♪ Babe, when they made me
Yeah, they broke the mold! ♪
Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined.
Totally out of my mind!
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪
Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?
♪ Well, there's one last thing
I gotta sing about ♪
Open up wide and really shout!
Whoa, look out!
♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪
Smokin'!
My fellow citizens,
this is a historic day.
Not only are we opening up
the newly renovated section
of downtown Edge City,
but arriving any second now
will be our most honored
and very special guest...
[stammering]
Yes, yes, it's him!
I give you, the President
of the United States!
[crowd cheering]
Thank you,
thank you very much.
Mr. President,
welcome to Edge City.
A true flash
to the bluffin' it.
I mean, a true bastion
of fluffiness.
[laughing] Well, I'm
as pleased as a peach
to be here, Tilton.
Now, let's see
this new downtown of yours.
I've got a schedule to keep.
Tax dollars paid
for the renovation,
Mr. President.
But now we're painfully
short on funds, you know...
[President]: Well, I'm sure
we can work something out,
provided I can count
on your support
come Election Day, huh?
Avast, ye maties!
We sail with the tide.
[chuckling]
Be free,
me barnacle-loving boyos.
Back to the briny deep
with you.
[man]: Nobody liberates
lobsters in my town
and gets away with it.
[grunting]
I got one, Lieutenant.
Quick, get some butter.
- [clicking]
- [shouting]
[muffled] Get it
off of me, Doyle!
Come here, buddy.
[both struggling]
[laughing] Aye!
A hard night
of lobster saving
always gives me
a hankering...
...for a crab taco
from Murray's Taco Hutch.
[President]: So, with
a sizable contribution
to my campaign fund,
I'm sure I can arrange
some more government dollars
for your renovation work.
[rumbling]
It's gonna hit
my Taco Hutch!
[both gasping]
OK, buddy, don't move.
Hold on there, Greenfield.
Let this young man go.
But, sir, this guy could be
some sort of wacko.
[Lieutenant]: Yeah,
he's worse than that.
He's a menace!
I beg to differ.
This young man
saved my life.
He's a national hero.
I'm a hero, you're a zero.
Hey, Murray!
One triple crab taco,
por favor.
Son, I'd like to award you this
Congressional Medal of Honor
in recognition
of your act of bravery.
[female voice] Oh, I'll treasure
this for the rest of my life.
Here you go, Murray.
Keep the change.
Young man, I want you
to come to work for me
as a Secret Service agent.
[clears throat]
Sorry, Prezo pal,
but work isn't part
of my vocabulary.
See, I'm what you call
a member of the leisure class.
Member of the criminal class
is more like it.
Don't sell yourself short, son.
You're the type of
brash young upstart
this country needs.
You owe it to the nation
to give them your best.
[Mask] My fellow members
of Congress,
today's first order
of business is...
...everybody conga!
♪ Democrats,
you go right here ♪
♪ Republicans,
you go right here ♪
♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh ♪
How'd you like to be
my First Lady?
And you can be my second,
and you can be my third.
Yeah, I can hang with that.
I mean, since the country
needs me and all.
Thatta boy!
[cheering]
That guy's got troublemaker
written all over him.
You got that right.
But don't worry, I'll
help you get rid of...
- [creaking]
- [all shouting]
Lieutenant, did you want
mild or hot?
Lieutenant?
[grunts]
Mmm.
I've been ordered
to give you your first
Secret Service assignment.
[Scottish accent]
Doubtless I'll be going after
that notorious criminal,
Goldpinkie.
Remember, G, I like my sodas
shaken, not stirred.
Tonight, you're on
parking detail.
What?
No political intrigue?
No super villains?
Bummer, man.
[engine starting]
[tires screech]
Well, that was easy enough.
Now, to crash the bash!
[man] So I told them I
wouldn't put up with that.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] I couldn't
believe what he said.
Good evening, everyone.
Now that we've gotten the
formalities out of the way,
let's chow down!
Excuse me there, bunkie,
do you mind if I cut in?
Do you no know who I am?
Presidente Sammy de Coca,
dictator of the
Plantain Republic.
No one but no one
cuts in on me.
Fine. Then I'll just take
this last deviled egg.
No! I had dibs.
Give it back at once.
You want it?
You got it.
Oh, you capitalistic cow!
[sputtering]
So much for diplomacy.
- Oh!
- [man] Vanderbilt!
Oh, I never! Oh!
[chatting]
- [all gasping]
- [man 2] My eye!
[indistinct chatter]
I knew that green-headed punk
was trouble.
It's the end of
the buffet line
for you, pal.
Ho, ho!
Not so fast, knave.
My rapier drumstick
shall hold you at bay.
I see London,
I see France,
I see stinky underpants.
- [ripping]
- [all laughing]
What's that, you say?
Pass the dip?
Certainly.
And here's a little punch
to wash it all down.
Feels so good
to look so bad.
Young man, your days with
the Secret Service are over.
[panting] Yeah.
I'm glad you've finally come
to your senses, Mr. President.
You made my party
a smashing success.
I don't know when
I've had so much fun.
I want you to be
my personal aide
from now on.
[Mask] Capital idea,
old boy.
[laughing]
I just loved it when you threw
that torte at Mrs. Beavish.
I laughed so hard,
yogurt came out my nose.
[Mask laughing]
Oh, Greenfield,
bring the white limo around,
won't you? Me and the Prez
are going out for some
chili fries and pork rinds.
[grumbling]
[gasping]
And what a gorgeous day
it's turned out to be
for the opening game
of the football season.
And of course,
the President is on hand
to throw out the first ball.
Son, how'd you like to throw out
the first ball for me?
Why, hoppin' howdy hamcakes.
Would I ever!
[grunting]
Well, golly, I guess I
don't know my own strength.
[Greenfield] That's it.
I've had it up to here
with that green-faced freak.
But Chief, the President
loves the guy.
Which is why I'm putting him
on 24 hour surveillance.
I know he's up to no good,
and I'm gonna
catch him red-handed.
- [phone ringing]
- Ye-llo?
This is Presidente
Sammy de Coca,
of the Plantain Republic.
Porky!
How you doing, buddy?
Porky?
Do not call me Porky!
I am demanding an apology
for the culinary insults
I endured the other night!
[radio announcer] And the first
lucky listener to call in
will get free concert tickets
to see Sam Luis Obispo
and his fabulous
Irish Jawtaw Band.
Sorry, pudge buddy,
but something big's come up.
[dial tone]
[dialing buttons]
Yes, indeed.
A little phone tap
on Mr. Mask
should give me
the evidence I need.
[announcer] Congratulations,
music fan,
you've just won yourself
some free tickets!
Oh, yes!
Daddy's steppin' out tonight!
Rats! I think I've got
a loose wire.
So, I guess you'll be
wanting my address.
- OK, it's a big white house
on Pennsly...
- [phone clicks]
Sorry, I'm having
some trouble hearing you.
Oh, looks like
we got disconnected.
Guess we'll just have to go on
to another lucky caller.
[screaming] No!
[panting]
Messing with my wires?
That gets me...
moderately peeved.
Bet you thought I was gonna
say "steamed", didn't you?
[yelling]
[grunts]
- [straining]
- [President]
Ah, my favorite assistant.
Thanks for sitting in
and taking my calls today.
No-no problemo, Big P.
Now, if you don't mind
I need to order
some more doggie biscuits
for little Poopsie here.
[grunts]
[screaming]
Greenfield!
It's the patrol for you.
Oh, no. Please, sir.
Not that.
Puppy patrol
is so humiliating.
[barking]
Cut it out, you dumb dog,
it's only a...
[shouts]
[groaning]
The Washington Monument.
It's majestic.
It's noble.
It's gotta go.
He's up to something,
all right.
[Mask]
Stand back, everyone.
Progress on the move.
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
You destroyed
the Washington Monument!
Had to, kids.
It was blocking the view
of my new floating nightclub.
[all cheering]
[reporter] Mr. President,
how would you characterize
the first three years
of your administration?
[whispering] I think you
should say it was smokin'.
Smokin'!
- [applause]
- Good answer.
He's got total confidence
in his agenda.
What do you say to
the other politicians
who are trying to
run you out of office?
[whispering] Definitely
you should be doing this.
Somebody stop me.
Somebody stop me!
[reporter] Very good.
Excellent.
[reporter 2] He's really
standing up for his beliefs.
[reporter 3] He won't be
bullied, and good sound bite.
I can't take it, Doyle.
That psycho
has got to be stopped.
Oh, gee, Lieutenant,
I thought you voted for him.
I'm talking about the Mask,
you idiot!
[shouting]
Mr. President,
why was the Washington
Monument demolished?
Uh, well, uh, I...
[whispering]
It was blocking my view.
[chatter]
That was brilliant.
He's saying out with the old
and in with the new.
Finally, a true visionary.
[all chattering]
[all chanting]
Four more years!
Four more years!
Four more years!
Four more years!
Mr. President,
I just received this fax
from Lieutenant Kellaway
in Edge City.
All previous offenses
that the Mask has committed.
Hundreds of unlicensed wedgies,
felonious transport of hamsters
across state lines.
Sir, you have to
do something.
Greenfield,
you're absolutely right.
In fact, I've already
taken action.
I've appointed the Mask
my new Secretary of State.
According to a recent poll,
my popularity has soared
- since he's been at my side.
- [gasping]
Now I can take
a much needed vacation
and leave him in charge.
But first...
...my buddy and I are gonna
play a round of golf.
[both] Smokin'!
[growling]
Yeah, here you go there,
Greenfield.
Duty calls.
And make sure you use
the pooper-scooper this time.
[shaking]
[growling]
- [biting]
- [Greenfield screams]
Hmm, my first day
as acting President.
What should I do first?
Balance the budget,
develop alternate fuel sources,
go to the theater.
No! Scratch that idea.
Sammy de Coca
waits for no one!
El muchacho muy grande.
How've you been?
Now you simply must tell me
every little thing
that's been going on.
I am demanding an apology
for the humiliation you gave me
at the White House ball.
An apology?
[sniffing]
You don't write.
You don't call.
And now you want
an apology?!
[sobbing]
I might as well not go on.
No, don't. Don't cry.
Don't cry for me.
I am sorry.
I'll do better
in the future.
[sniffs] Hold me.
Promise to visit more often?
Every Sunday.
[sobbing]
That's my little Porky.
I am not Porky!
I'm... big-boned!
Howdy, partner.
Miss me?
Something stinks in here.
Ta-da!
Just your typical
head of state.
In honor of
this momentous occasion,
I'd now like to present you
with the Presidential Seal.
[shouting]
This means... war!
Closet.
Do you hear me? War!
War? Huh!
What could his puny
little country
possibly do to hurt me?
[people screaming]
That's it.
No more Mr. Nicey-Nice.
[grunting]
Sink my nightclub, will he?
I'll show him swift
American vengeance.
Ha, ha! Take that.
Nobody defaces my face.
Fire!
[Greenfield]
Well, well, well.
So he started
his own little war.
This news ought to end
his career with a bang.
[boinging]
Whoa!
Oh!
Do not let him get away!
[shouting]
Ooh, that hurt!
[groaning]
You got me.
Ha! You are my prisoner.
Now you will
have to apologize.
[coughing]
No, no. I can't.
You see, I feel...
I feel...
I feel like dancing!
[grunting]
To the planes, men!
[panting]
Oh, these guys
are fun and all,
but they are really...
...starting to bug me!
[gasping]
I will take care
of him myself!
Oh, sure,
he's got a big tank.
But I've got something
he doesn't.
But first, our adventure.
[slurping]
OK.
That's it.
I'm for giving up.
[groaning]
[woman]: And due to
the Plantain Republic's
recent military defeat,
dictator Sammy de Coca
has just signed
a long-awaited
peace agreement.
Nice doing business
with you, Porky.
I am not...
Oh, never mind.
Son, I had to come back
when I heard the news.
You're an international hero
for getting that treaty signed.
I think it's about time
I appointed you
to be my Vice President.
[Greenfield] Wait!
I have irrefutable proof
that the Mask is no good.
So, if I give you
this 10 million dollars,
you promise to support
the truss and girdle lobby?
Well, I don't ordinarily,
but, uh...
...you bet
your lederhosen, baby.
There it is.
the Mask taking a bribe.
But I thought that's how
you politicians got paid.
Well, it is, son, but we
don't like to talk about it.
And getting caught
is a huge no-no!
If this scandalous
information gets out,
- your popularity will plummet.
- You're right, Greenfield.
I'm afraid you'll have
to resign immediately.
My fellow Americans,
as I say farewell,
I do so with a heavy heart.
[groaning]
Ah. Well, that's
a little better.
And I want you all
to know one thing,
I am not a crook.
Well, OK, maybe
a little bit of a crook.
So, without any fanfare,
I'll take my leave.
- [all sobbing]
- I'll be going now.
But first...
Somebody stop me!
[laughing]