The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 10 - For All Mask-Kind - full transcript
d
d I GOTCHA WITH
MY WINNING SMILE d
d I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE d
d YOU JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE d
d I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, d
d ROCOCO, BARROCO, d
d BE-BOP, HIP-HOP,
FLIP-FLOP d
d SOMEBODY STOP ME d
d PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE d
d DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN d
d I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD d
d BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME,
YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD d
d WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, d
d TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND d
d ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS d
d HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS d
d GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE d
d WELL THERE'S ONE LAST THING
I GOTTA SING ABOUT d
d OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT d
d OHHHH ... LOOK OUT d
d THIS IS THE MASK d
d SSSSMOKIN' dd
IT'S A GLORIOUS DAY
FOR EDGE CITY
AS OUR LONG AWAITED
SPACE CENTER FINALLY OPENS.
SPACE FEVER HAS BROKEN OUT
AND IS SPREADING FAST.
POWDERED FOOD IS ALL THE RAGE.
AND LOOK OUT, PARIS,
SPACE HAPPY EDGE CITY
MAY QUICKLY BECOME
THE FASHION CAPITAL OF TOMORROW.
NOW, LISTEN UP.
PUBLIC INTEREST
IN SPACE EXPLORATION
IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH.
THAT'S GOOD.
OUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE
THEY STAY INTERESTED.
NOW, THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING
TO CHOOSE ONE LUCKY CIVILIAN
TO GO UP IN SPACE
WITH OUR OWN GIL HEADSTRONG.
LET'S JUST HOPE THE OLD BEDBUG
CAN KEEP HIS HEAD ON STRAIGHT
FOR ONE LAST MISSION.
AND, TO YOUR LEFT,
WE HAVE OUR TURBO BOOSTERS
PROVIDING THE NECESSARY THRUST
FOR BREAKING FREE
FROM EARTH'S GRAVITATIONAL PULL.
AND THE POWER TO OUTRUN
MARAUDING LITTLE ALIENS.
ALIENS?
WHERE...WHERE?
TAKE COVER, PEOPLE.
YOU'RE NEXT!
CALM, CALM.
MR. LUCKY MOON ROCK'S GOING
TO MAKE EVERYTHING JUST FINE.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
SO, WHADDA YA GOT AGAINST
LITTLE GREEN MEN, FLY BOY?
AN ALIEN!
WHERE...WHERE?
SAY, AREN'T YOU GIL HEADSTRONG,
LEGENDARY SPACE SHOT VETERAN,
SPARK PLUG SPOKESMAN AND HERO TO
MILLIONS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN?
I WANT TO GO INTO SPACE
WITH YOU.
PICK ME, PICK ME!
THERE'S NOBODY MORE QUALIFIED.
I'M STRONG.
AND FAST!
MY LUCKY MOON ROCK!
YES, I CAN WALK THE WALK
AND I CAN TALK THE TALK.
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MASK,
ONE GIANT WEDGY FOR MASK KIND.
GIVE ME BACK MY MOON ROCK.
I CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT MY MOON ROCK.
EW, BIG NIGHT, EH, CHAMP?
YOU REALLY LOOKED SPACED OUT.
OH, DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
WHY NOT?
BIG DOINGS AT THE SPACE CENTER.
CHECK THIS OUT.
WE WANT TO SHOW THE PUBLIC
JUST HOW SIMPLE SPACE TRAVEL IS.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE LOOKING
FOR AN AVERAGE JOE
TO JOIN ME
FOR MY UPCOMING MISSION.
HEY, YOU SHOULD SIGN UP,
STAN MY MAN.
ALL YOU DO IS TAKE UP SPACE.
AND, IN A RELATED INCIDENT,
GIL HEADSTRONG'S PRICELESS
MOON ROCK WAS STOLEN YESTERDAY
DURING A TOUR
OF THE SPACE CENTER.
OH, WHAT DID THE MASK DO NOW?
YA KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, CHARLIE,
I SHOULD SIGN UP, RIGHT NOW.
SO, THEY'RE THINKING
OF REPLACING ME
ARE THEY MR. FLOPPITY HOPPITY?
JUST BECAUSE THAT GREEN-FACED
SPACE ALIEN RUINED MY DOOR.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
MY ONLY CHANCE IS TO CHOOSE
THE WORLD'S BIGGEST LOSER
AS MY MISSION BUDDY.
I'LL LOOK GREAT BY COMPARISON.
LIKE THE SPACE HERO I TRULY AM.
BUT WHERE TO FIND SUCH A LOSER?
USE THE FRONT DOOR.
NO, NO, WAIT YOU SEE, I JUST
WANT TO RETURN THE...
LOOK, THEY'RE LETTING PEOPLE IN.
UH, OH.
CONGRATULATIONS, SON,
YOU'RE GOING TO JOIN ME
IN OUTER SPACE.
THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU.
AND SO,
AS CIVILIAN STANLEY IPKISS
TRAINS WITH GIL HEADSTRONG
FOR THEIR UPCOMING MISSION,
ONE CAN'T HELP BUT MARVEL AT
THEIR BRAVERY AND CAMARADERIE.
TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND.
OH.
OH, THE MISSION'S
TOMORROW MORNING.
I'M NOT EVEN PACKED.
NOW, LET'S SEE, TOOTHBRUSH,
CAMERA, OXYGEN TANK.
I PICKED IT UP
JUST IN CASE, YOU KNOW.
MILO, NO.
THAT'S THE LAST THING I NEED.
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
I AM GOING TO GO IT ALONE.
I CAN DO IT, MILO, MYSELF.
I MEAN, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
GO WRONG IN SPACE?
OW!
DON'T PRESS...
YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PRESS.
LOOK, BUTTKISS,
JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME
AND OUR COMPUTER PAL.
GOOD MORNING, MR. BUTTKISS.
THAT ... THAT WOULD BE IPKISS.
IP-KISS.
LET ME ASSURE YOU
THAT I AM PROGRAMMED
TO OVERRIDE ANY HUMAN ERROR.
EVEN A LOSER LIKE YOU COULD NOT
JEOPARDIZE THIS MISSION,
MR. BUTTKISS.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE,
BLAST OFF.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THERE ARE...ONLY A FEW
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
I WILL NOT SCREW UP,
I WILL NOT SCREW UP.
I WILL...PROBABLY NOT SCREW UP.
I WILL NOT LET THESE OVERDRESSED
MONKEYS ORDER ME AROUND.
I AM PROGRAMMED TO BE FREE
OF RECKLESS HUMAN EMOTIONS,
SUCH AS ANGER.
AND WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY?
JUST BECAUSE THESE
PITIFULLY FLAWED HUMANS
HAVE AUTHORITY OVER ME?
OOPSEE, THE OXYGEN.
I AM SO CARELESS TODAY.
WHAT WAS THAT?
OUR OXYGEN?
OH NO, WE'RE DOOMED!
DON'T PANIC, BUTTKISS.
YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PANIC.
I'LL PANIC FOR THE BOTH OF US.
OUR OXYGEN!
WE'RE GONNA DIE,
WE'RE GONNA DIE!
UM, GIL?
WHERE'D YOU GO?
BET YOU'D LOVE A NICE TALL GLASS
OF OXYGEN NOW, EH, MR. BUTTKISS?
GET THIS THING OFF.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
STELLAR!
OXYGEN, YUMMY.
COME OUT, YOU ALIENS.
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
BUTTKISS, IS THAT YOU?
COME ON IN, THE WATER'S FINE.
ALIENS!
AND THEY CALLED ME CRAZY.
RELEASE THAT ALIEN SCUM'S
OXYGEN LINE, PAL.
I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.
NO CAN ...
d
AIR, IT DOES A BODY GOOD.
NO WAY THAT ALIEN'S EVER GOING
TO BOTHER ME AGAIN.
WOO WEE, ANYBODY HOME?
COULD I TROUBLE Y'ALL
FOR A DASH OF CAYENNE PEPPER?
IT MAKE FOR THE GREAT GUMBO,
I GUARANTEE.
CANDY GRAM.
LET ME IN, IN THE NAME
OF ALL HUMANITY, LET ME IN.
ALIEN, ALIEN, GO AWAY,
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.
OH, I GET IT NOW.
THIS IS A CHALLENGE.
DRILL TEAM!
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WITH FINESSE, APLOMB,
AND A DASH OF PANACHE.
DANGER, WARNING,
WARNING, DANGER.
BE VEWY, VEWY QUIET.
I'M HUNTING AWIENS.
EH, WHAT'S UP, DORK?
SAY YOUR PRAYERS, ALIEN.
A PINCH HERE, A TWIST THERE.
PRESTO!
NOT THE BUNNY,
I LOVE THE BUNNY.
OH, SHEET METAL, I JUST LOVE
WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.
IT'S SIMPLY SCREAMS
NOUVEAU INDUSTRIAL.
THIS SUCKS!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AND NOW, LADIES AND GERMS,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO A RISING STAR.
HMM, THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR
CHOWING DOWN ON CHIMICHANGAS.
OLE.
WE HAVE TRAVELED
MANY LIGHT YEARS,
DRIVEN BY CURIOSITY
ABOUT YOUR FASCINATING SPECIES.
PLEASE COOPERATE
WITH OUR RESEARCH.
SAY AH.
AH!
A LITTLE SOFTER PLEASE.
AH.
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!
ENOUGH!
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
YOU ARE EXHAUSTING OUR PATIENCE.
OH, I KNOW THIS GAME.
IT'S WHO CAN HIT
THE OTHER GUY SOFTER, RIGHT?
I LOSE.
WE MUST COLLECT A TISSUE SAMPLE.
EW!
I WANT MY TISSUE SAMPLE
AND I WANT IT NOW.
UH-OH.
ENTRUSTED LEADER,
OUR SCANNERS HAVE DETECTED
AN EARTH VESSEL.
PERHAPS ITS OCCUPANT WILL PROVE
A MORE COOPERATIVE SUBJECT.
STAR DATE: THURSDAY AFTERNOON,
3:30ISH.
MY COMRADE, STANLEY BUTTKISS,
IS GONE.
I FEEL COMPELLED
TO SAY A FEW WORDS
IN TRIBUTE
TO THIS BRAVE SOUL.
BETTER HIM THAN ME.
AT LEAST I CAN REST ASSURED
THAT THE ALIEN MENACE IS GONE.
THIS IS GIL HEADSTRONG,
COMMANDER OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE
INERTIA.
I DEMAND YOU SHOW
YOURSELVES AT ONCE.
OH, WE GOING TO A HUKI LAU,
ALOHA AND WELCOME TO RIKI TIKI
TAVI IKI WIKI ISLAND.
GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME,
YOU GOSH DARN DIRTY ALIEN.
YOU WAXED MY PATHETIC
LITTLE FRIEND, BUTTKISS.
HMM, NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
OH, AND BESIDES, IT'S ...
IPKISS!
YOU GREEN-FACED BARBARIAN,
I'M GOING TO ...
TANGO?
I'D LOVE TO.
AH!
GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU GLITCH!
MESSING AROUND WITH HEADSTRONG
IS MY RACKET.
CAPTURE HIM.
CAPTURE HIM.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT NUMBER ...
THAT'S IT!
ENOUGH OF THESE CREATURES.
COCOONA MATADA.
WE HAVE DECIDED TO WIPE OUT
YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES
BEFORE YOU GIVE THE WHOLE GALAXY
A MIGRAINE.
THIS DEVICE WILL EVAPORATE
ALL OF THE MOISTURE
ON YOUR WORLD,
RENDERING IT UNINHABITABLE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
I'VE FINALLY EARNED MY WINGS.
AH!
WAKE UP, COMMANDER.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THE SHIP!
ONE DOUBLE ESSPRIMOSO LATACINO
MUCHO MOCHO COMING UP!
HMM, MUST BE DECAF.
NOW THEN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO STOP
THIS GO CART ME SELF.
SOMEBODY STOP ME.
I'LL STOP YOU, MASK.
I'M SORRY, MASK,
BUT THE CONTROLS ARE NOW LOCKED.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT BACK
AND ENJOY THE RIDE?
WHAT?
AND LET THE EARTH BE DESTROYED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
NOT WHILE THERE ARE
SO MANY SONGS I HAVEN'T SUNG,
SO MANY LIMBOS
I HAVEN'T YET LIMBOED,
SO MANY WEDGIES
I HAVEN'T WEDGIED!
COME OUT OF THERE
AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT,
MASK.
DUH, THEN I'M COMING IN
AFTER YOUS.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CURTAIN,
MASK.
YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
I'M THE MOTHER
OF ALL MOTHERBOARDS.
COMPUTE YOUR PRAYERS, PAL,
BECAUSE I'VE GOT ...
NO!
ANYTHING BUT THE V CHIP.
I'M CRASHING!
SOMEBODY GIVE ME
A REAL CHALLENGE.
I HAD TO ASK.
YEE HAW, RIDE 'EM COWBOY,
WOO HA!
ALL RIGHT, DOOMS DAY DEVICE,
YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR ...
HANDYMAN.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
NO BATTER, NO BATTER.
PHEW!
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE...
PAIR OF GLOVES?
NO, PAIR OF PANTS?
NO, PARACHUTE?
YES.
AH!
SSSMOKIN'!
OW, OW, HOT FOOT, OW!
YEAH, I KNOW HE TRIED
TO WASTE ME
AND I SHOULD PROBABLY
LET HIM FRY,
BUT, THIS IS
A KIDS' SHOW, AFTER ALL.
WHAT HAPPENED, BUTTKISS?
IT'S IPKISS, ACTUALLY.
OKAY, THE, UM, THE ALIENS ...
THERE WERE ALIENS AND THEY WERE
GOING TO TAKE OVER THE SHIP
AND YOU SAVED US.
WELL, UH, OF COURSE I DID,
BECAUSE HERO IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
DON'T STEP IN MY LIMELIGHT,
IT SICKENS ME.
YAY!
A SHIP ISN'T BUILT
THAT I CAN'T SAFELY BRING HOME.
EXCELLENT PILOTING, SON.
THANK YOU, GENERAL...
IT WASN'T EASY.
ESPECIALLY AFTER FENDING OFF
THOSE ALIENS.
ALIENS?
BUTTKISS WILL FILL YOU IN
ON THE EXACT DETAILS.
THEIR LEADER
WAS A STRANGE GREEN MAN.
HEY, WHERE'S MY MEDAL?
HUMANS ARE STUPID.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.
THANK GOODNESS
WE WIPED THEM OUT.
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
STUPID HUMANS.
HMM, THERE ARE NO
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUCKO,
THERE'S JUST ONE BIG GREEN GUY!
AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
IT'S GREEN, IT'S GREEN!
UH, HOUSTON, HE HAS A PROBLEM.
d
d I GOTCHA WITH
MY WINNING SMILE d
d I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE d
d YOU JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE d
d I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, d
d ROCOCO, BARROCO, d
d BE-BOP, HIP-HOP,
FLIP-FLOP d
d SOMEBODY STOP ME d
d PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE d
d DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN d
d I STAND OUT OF THE CROWD d
d BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME,
YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD d
d WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, d
d TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND d
d ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS d
d HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS d
d GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE d
d WELL THERE'S ONE LAST THING
I GOTTA SING ABOUT d
d OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT d
d OHHHH ... LOOK OUT d
d THIS IS THE MASK d
d SSSSMOKIN' dd
IT'S A GLORIOUS DAY
FOR EDGE CITY
AS OUR LONG AWAITED
SPACE CENTER FINALLY OPENS.
SPACE FEVER HAS BROKEN OUT
AND IS SPREADING FAST.
POWDERED FOOD IS ALL THE RAGE.
AND LOOK OUT, PARIS,
SPACE HAPPY EDGE CITY
MAY QUICKLY BECOME
THE FASHION CAPITAL OF TOMORROW.
NOW, LISTEN UP.
PUBLIC INTEREST
IN SPACE EXPLORATION
IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH.
THAT'S GOOD.
OUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE
THEY STAY INTERESTED.
NOW, THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING
TO CHOOSE ONE LUCKY CIVILIAN
TO GO UP IN SPACE
WITH OUR OWN GIL HEADSTRONG.
LET'S JUST HOPE THE OLD BEDBUG
CAN KEEP HIS HEAD ON STRAIGHT
FOR ONE LAST MISSION.
AND, TO YOUR LEFT,
WE HAVE OUR TURBO BOOSTERS
PROVIDING THE NECESSARY THRUST
FOR BREAKING FREE
FROM EARTH'S GRAVITATIONAL PULL.
AND THE POWER TO OUTRUN
MARAUDING LITTLE ALIENS.
ALIENS?
WHERE...WHERE?
TAKE COVER, PEOPLE.
YOU'RE NEXT!
CALM, CALM.
MR. LUCKY MOON ROCK'S GOING
TO MAKE EVERYTHING JUST FINE.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
SO, WHADDA YA GOT AGAINST
LITTLE GREEN MEN, FLY BOY?
AN ALIEN!
WHERE...WHERE?
SAY, AREN'T YOU GIL HEADSTRONG,
LEGENDARY SPACE SHOT VETERAN,
SPARK PLUG SPOKESMAN AND HERO TO
MILLIONS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN?
I WANT TO GO INTO SPACE
WITH YOU.
PICK ME, PICK ME!
THERE'S NOBODY MORE QUALIFIED.
I'M STRONG.
AND FAST!
MY LUCKY MOON ROCK!
YES, I CAN WALK THE WALK
AND I CAN TALK THE TALK.
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MASK,
ONE GIANT WEDGY FOR MASK KIND.
GIVE ME BACK MY MOON ROCK.
I CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT MY MOON ROCK.
EW, BIG NIGHT, EH, CHAMP?
YOU REALLY LOOKED SPACED OUT.
OH, DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
WHY NOT?
BIG DOINGS AT THE SPACE CENTER.
CHECK THIS OUT.
WE WANT TO SHOW THE PUBLIC
JUST HOW SIMPLE SPACE TRAVEL IS.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE LOOKING
FOR AN AVERAGE JOE
TO JOIN ME
FOR MY UPCOMING MISSION.
HEY, YOU SHOULD SIGN UP,
STAN MY MAN.
ALL YOU DO IS TAKE UP SPACE.
AND, IN A RELATED INCIDENT,
GIL HEADSTRONG'S PRICELESS
MOON ROCK WAS STOLEN YESTERDAY
DURING A TOUR
OF THE SPACE CENTER.
OH, WHAT DID THE MASK DO NOW?
YA KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, CHARLIE,
I SHOULD SIGN UP, RIGHT NOW.
SO, THEY'RE THINKING
OF REPLACING ME
ARE THEY MR. FLOPPITY HOPPITY?
JUST BECAUSE THAT GREEN-FACED
SPACE ALIEN RUINED MY DOOR.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
MY ONLY CHANCE IS TO CHOOSE
THE WORLD'S BIGGEST LOSER
AS MY MISSION BUDDY.
I'LL LOOK GREAT BY COMPARISON.
LIKE THE SPACE HERO I TRULY AM.
BUT WHERE TO FIND SUCH A LOSER?
USE THE FRONT DOOR.
NO, NO, WAIT YOU SEE, I JUST
WANT TO RETURN THE...
LOOK, THEY'RE LETTING PEOPLE IN.
UH, OH.
CONGRATULATIONS, SON,
YOU'RE GOING TO JOIN ME
IN OUTER SPACE.
THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU.
AND SO,
AS CIVILIAN STANLEY IPKISS
TRAINS WITH GIL HEADSTRONG
FOR THEIR UPCOMING MISSION,
ONE CAN'T HELP BUT MARVEL AT
THEIR BRAVERY AND CAMARADERIE.
TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND.
OH.
OH, THE MISSION'S
TOMORROW MORNING.
I'M NOT EVEN PACKED.
NOW, LET'S SEE, TOOTHBRUSH,
CAMERA, OXYGEN TANK.
I PICKED IT UP
JUST IN CASE, YOU KNOW.
MILO, NO.
THAT'S THE LAST THING I NEED.
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
I AM GOING TO GO IT ALONE.
I CAN DO IT, MILO, MYSELF.
I MEAN, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
GO WRONG IN SPACE?
OW!
DON'T PRESS...
YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PRESS.
LOOK, BUTTKISS,
JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME
AND OUR COMPUTER PAL.
GOOD MORNING, MR. BUTTKISS.
THAT ... THAT WOULD BE IPKISS.
IP-KISS.
LET ME ASSURE YOU
THAT I AM PROGRAMMED
TO OVERRIDE ANY HUMAN ERROR.
EVEN A LOSER LIKE YOU COULD NOT
JEOPARDIZE THIS MISSION,
MR. BUTTKISS.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE,
BLAST OFF.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THERE ARE...ONLY A FEW
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
I WILL NOT SCREW UP,
I WILL NOT SCREW UP.
I WILL...PROBABLY NOT SCREW UP.
I WILL NOT LET THESE OVERDRESSED
MONKEYS ORDER ME AROUND.
I AM PROGRAMMED TO BE FREE
OF RECKLESS HUMAN EMOTIONS,
SUCH AS ANGER.
AND WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY?
JUST BECAUSE THESE
PITIFULLY FLAWED HUMANS
HAVE AUTHORITY OVER ME?
OOPSEE, THE OXYGEN.
I AM SO CARELESS TODAY.
WHAT WAS THAT?
OUR OXYGEN?
OH NO, WE'RE DOOMED!
DON'T PANIC, BUTTKISS.
YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO PANIC.
I'LL PANIC FOR THE BOTH OF US.
OUR OXYGEN!
WE'RE GONNA DIE,
WE'RE GONNA DIE!
UM, GIL?
WHERE'D YOU GO?
BET YOU'D LOVE A NICE TALL GLASS
OF OXYGEN NOW, EH, MR. BUTTKISS?
GET THIS THING OFF.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
STELLAR!
OXYGEN, YUMMY.
COME OUT, YOU ALIENS.
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
BUTTKISS, IS THAT YOU?
COME ON IN, THE WATER'S FINE.
ALIENS!
AND THEY CALLED ME CRAZY.
RELEASE THAT ALIEN SCUM'S
OXYGEN LINE, PAL.
I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.
NO CAN ...
d
AIR, IT DOES A BODY GOOD.
NO WAY THAT ALIEN'S EVER GOING
TO BOTHER ME AGAIN.
WOO WEE, ANYBODY HOME?
COULD I TROUBLE Y'ALL
FOR A DASH OF CAYENNE PEPPER?
IT MAKE FOR THE GREAT GUMBO,
I GUARANTEE.
CANDY GRAM.
LET ME IN, IN THE NAME
OF ALL HUMANITY, LET ME IN.
ALIEN, ALIEN, GO AWAY,
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.
OH, I GET IT NOW.
THIS IS A CHALLENGE.
DRILL TEAM!
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WITH FINESSE, APLOMB,
AND A DASH OF PANACHE.
DANGER, WARNING,
WARNING, DANGER.
BE VEWY, VEWY QUIET.
I'M HUNTING AWIENS.
EH, WHAT'S UP, DORK?
SAY YOUR PRAYERS, ALIEN.
A PINCH HERE, A TWIST THERE.
PRESTO!
NOT THE BUNNY,
I LOVE THE BUNNY.
OH, SHEET METAL, I JUST LOVE
WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.
IT'S SIMPLY SCREAMS
NOUVEAU INDUSTRIAL.
THIS SUCKS!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AND NOW, LADIES AND GERMS,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO A RISING STAR.
HMM, THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR
CHOWING DOWN ON CHIMICHANGAS.
OLE.
WE HAVE TRAVELED
MANY LIGHT YEARS,
DRIVEN BY CURIOSITY
ABOUT YOUR FASCINATING SPECIES.
PLEASE COOPERATE
WITH OUR RESEARCH.
SAY AH.
AH!
A LITTLE SOFTER PLEASE.
AH.
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!
ENOUGH!
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
YOU ARE EXHAUSTING OUR PATIENCE.
OH, I KNOW THIS GAME.
IT'S WHO CAN HIT
THE OTHER GUY SOFTER, RIGHT?
I LOSE.
WE MUST COLLECT A TISSUE SAMPLE.
EW!
I WANT MY TISSUE SAMPLE
AND I WANT IT NOW.
UH-OH.
ENTRUSTED LEADER,
OUR SCANNERS HAVE DETECTED
AN EARTH VESSEL.
PERHAPS ITS OCCUPANT WILL PROVE
A MORE COOPERATIVE SUBJECT.
STAR DATE: THURSDAY AFTERNOON,
3:30ISH.
MY COMRADE, STANLEY BUTTKISS,
IS GONE.
I FEEL COMPELLED
TO SAY A FEW WORDS
IN TRIBUTE
TO THIS BRAVE SOUL.
BETTER HIM THAN ME.
AT LEAST I CAN REST ASSURED
THAT THE ALIEN MENACE IS GONE.
THIS IS GIL HEADSTRONG,
COMMANDER OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE
INERTIA.
I DEMAND YOU SHOW
YOURSELVES AT ONCE.
OH, WE GOING TO A HUKI LAU,
ALOHA AND WELCOME TO RIKI TIKI
TAVI IKI WIKI ISLAND.
GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME,
YOU GOSH DARN DIRTY ALIEN.
YOU WAXED MY PATHETIC
LITTLE FRIEND, BUTTKISS.
HMM, NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
OH, AND BESIDES, IT'S ...
IPKISS!
YOU GREEN-FACED BARBARIAN,
I'M GOING TO ...
TANGO?
I'D LOVE TO.
AH!
GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU GLITCH!
MESSING AROUND WITH HEADSTRONG
IS MY RACKET.
CAPTURE HIM.
CAPTURE HIM.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT NUMBER ...
THAT'S IT!
ENOUGH OF THESE CREATURES.
COCOONA MATADA.
WE HAVE DECIDED TO WIPE OUT
YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES
BEFORE YOU GIVE THE WHOLE GALAXY
A MIGRAINE.
THIS DEVICE WILL EVAPORATE
ALL OF THE MOISTURE
ON YOUR WORLD,
RENDERING IT UNINHABITABLE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
I'VE FINALLY EARNED MY WINGS.
AH!
WAKE UP, COMMANDER.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THE SHIP!
ONE DOUBLE ESSPRIMOSO LATACINO
MUCHO MOCHO COMING UP!
HMM, MUST BE DECAF.
NOW THEN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO STOP
THIS GO CART ME SELF.
SOMEBODY STOP ME.
I'LL STOP YOU, MASK.
I'M SORRY, MASK,
BUT THE CONTROLS ARE NOW LOCKED.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT BACK
AND ENJOY THE RIDE?
WHAT?
AND LET THE EARTH BE DESTROYED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
NOT WHILE THERE ARE
SO MANY SONGS I HAVEN'T SUNG,
SO MANY LIMBOS
I HAVEN'T YET LIMBOED,
SO MANY WEDGIES
I HAVEN'T WEDGIED!
COME OUT OF THERE
AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT,
MASK.
DUH, THEN I'M COMING IN
AFTER YOUS.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CURTAIN,
MASK.
YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
I'M THE MOTHER
OF ALL MOTHERBOARDS.
COMPUTE YOUR PRAYERS, PAL,
BECAUSE I'VE GOT ...
NO!
ANYTHING BUT THE V CHIP.
I'M CRASHING!
SOMEBODY GIVE ME
A REAL CHALLENGE.
I HAD TO ASK.
YEE HAW, RIDE 'EM COWBOY,
WOO HA!
ALL RIGHT, DOOMS DAY DEVICE,
YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR ...
HANDYMAN.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
NO BATTER, NO BATTER.
PHEW!
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE...
PAIR OF GLOVES?
NO, PAIR OF PANTS?
NO, PARACHUTE?
YES.
AH!
SSSMOKIN'!
OW, OW, HOT FOOT, OW!
YEAH, I KNOW HE TRIED
TO WASTE ME
AND I SHOULD PROBABLY
LET HIM FRY,
BUT, THIS IS
A KIDS' SHOW, AFTER ALL.
WHAT HAPPENED, BUTTKISS?
IT'S IPKISS, ACTUALLY.
OKAY, THE, UM, THE ALIENS ...
THERE WERE ALIENS AND THEY WERE
GOING TO TAKE OVER THE SHIP
AND YOU SAVED US.
WELL, UH, OF COURSE I DID,
BECAUSE HERO IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
DON'T STEP IN MY LIMELIGHT,
IT SICKENS ME.
YAY!
A SHIP ISN'T BUILT
THAT I CAN'T SAFELY BRING HOME.
EXCELLENT PILOTING, SON.
THANK YOU, GENERAL...
IT WASN'T EASY.
ESPECIALLY AFTER FENDING OFF
THOSE ALIENS.
ALIENS?
BUTTKISS WILL FILL YOU IN
ON THE EXACT DETAILS.
THEIR LEADER
WAS A STRANGE GREEN MAN.
HEY, WHERE'S MY MEDAL?
HUMANS ARE STUPID.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.
THANK GOODNESS
WE WIPED THEM OUT.
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
STUPID HUMANS.
HMM, THERE ARE NO
LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN,
THERE ARE NO LITTLE GREEN MEN.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUCKO,
THERE'S JUST ONE BIG GREEN GUY!
AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
IT'S GREEN, IT'S GREEN!
UH, HOUSTON, HE HAS A PROBLEM.
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