The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 9 - You Oughta Be in Pictures - full transcript
The Mask has been challenged by the famous action movie star, Sly Eastenegger who will be the next action movie sensation. Peggy discovers that a nuclear bomb has been stolen and Eastenegger plans to use it in his action movie.
d
d I GOTCHA
WITH MY WINNING SMILE d
d I'M A LIVIN' LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE d
d JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE d
d AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE d
d I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, ROCOCO, BARROCO, d
d BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP,
SOMEBODY STOP ME d
d PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE d
d DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN d
d I STAND OUT
OF THE CROWD d
d BABE, WHEN THEY
MADE ME, d
d YEAH, THEY BROKE
THE MOLD d
d WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, d
d TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND d
d ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS d
d HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS d
d GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE d
d WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING I
GOT TO SING ABOUT d
d OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT d
d WHOA, LOOK OUT d
d THIS IS THE MASK dd
SMOKIN'
d
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE MUNCHITO.
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE
MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE!
OLE, BURRITO BURGLING BANDITS!
NONE SHALL PILFER GUACAMOLE
FROM SUPER MASK.
AND THAT GOES DOUBLE
FOR NACHO BURRITO,
DEEP FRIED ICE CREAM
CUT, CUT!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK US
TO SET UP THAT SHOT?
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF?
UM, SMILE, YOU'RE
ON CANDID CAMERA?
HE DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM, HONEST!
YOU KNOW THIS PERSON?
HE'S A LOCAL ECCENTRIC,
HARMLESS, REALLY.
HARMLESS, HIM?
HE'S A MENACE!
SHH, IX-NAY ON THE ENACE-MAY.
THE CITY NEEDS THEIR PRODUCTION
MONEY AND THE GOOD PRESS.
BABY BEAR, THIS IS PAPA BEAR.
TELL THE BIG BOYS
IN THE MAIN OFFICE
THAT EDGE CITY
IS DEFINITELY OUT.
NO, NO, NO, LET'S
NOT BE HASTY NOW!
I'M SORRY, BUT MR. EASTENEGGER
WILL NEVER
TOLERATE THESE INTERRUPTIONS.
SLY EASTENEGGER,
MEDIA SUPERSTAR?
ACTION HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE?
NUMBER ONE BOX OFFICE ATTRACTION
IN THE WORLD?
HERE?
CAN I HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH,
PLEASE?
CAN I, CAN I,
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH?
STRIKE THE SET, WE'RE GONE.
THE MASK WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW HE'S HERE.
I PROMISE,
AND NOT A CAMPAIGN PROMISE.
A REAL PROMISE, PLEASE,
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
d
AVAST, YE MATEY!
THERE BE A GREAT WHITE WHALE!
SHIVER ME TIMBERS,
BLOW THE MAN DOWN!
CUT, NOT AGAIN!
GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
DO I HAVE STAR POTENTIAL
OR WHAT?
SPECIAL EFFECTS!
WELL, THERE GOES MY CHANCE TO
RAKE IN THE DOUGH.
PSYCH, DO I GET THE PART?
GET THIS THROUGH YOUR LOONY
GREEN HEAD.
SLY EASTENEGGER
IS THE REAL DIRECTOR.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE
DOING THE CASTING!
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE,
NO ONE BY THE NAME OF SLY.
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S
NOT HERE YET!
YOU'RE INSANE, YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS,
YOU'RE GREEN,
AND YOU CAN'T EVEN ACT!
OH, WHEN MR. EASTENEGGER SEES MY
TALENT AND GOOD LOOKS,
YOU KNOW HE JUST HAS TO PUT ME
IN HIS PICTURE!
I AM SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T WANT
TO PUT THE MASK IN THAT MOVIE.
'CAUSE THE BANK
IS GIVING THAT BIG
ACCOUNTING TEST
TOMORROW MORNING,
AND IF I PASS IT, I WILL BE IN
LINE FOR A BIG PROMOTION!
SO I HAVE GOT TO STUDY,
STUDY, STUDY.
GO TO BED EARLY AND GET A FULL
NIGHT'S SLEEP.
GOOD NIGHT, MILO.
d
WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
CUT!
WHO'S THE JERK STICKING HIS HEAD
INTO THE SHOT?
HEY, GET YOUR HEAD OUT
OF THE SHOT!
OH, NOT HERE, NOT NOW!
HUH, YOU MIND, WE'RE MAKIN'
A MOVIE HERE!
WOULD YOU MIND TERRIBLY
SHOOTING, I DON'T KNOW,
SOMEWHERE ELSE?
SEE, I'VE GOT THIS BIG TEST
TOMORROW, AND I...
SECURITY!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!
THESE GUYS ARE MAKIN' AN AWFUL
LOT OF RACKET,
AND I JUST GOT...
LOSE HIM!
HEY!
MOVE ALONG, IPKISS.
THIS MOVIE'S GONNA BRING EDGE
CITY A GOOD KINDA GREEN.
BUT I NEED SLEEP!
PLEASANT DREAMS, IPKISS.
OH, WELL, I CAN STILL GET
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
AND PASS THE TEST.
GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
THAT'S IT, THIS TIME
IT'S PERSONAL!
HEY, WHERE DO YOU HOLLYWOOD
TYPES COME OFF
WALKIN' ALL OVER ME, HUH?
I TOLD YOU, I'LL BE BACK.
WOW! SLY EASTENEGGER,
ON MY STREET!
IT'S JESS LETHAL,
THE EX-TERMINATOR!
WE'RE DOOMED!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
EXCUSE ME, MR. EASTENE...
YO, PUNK.
NOT EVEN A PIT FULL OF DOLLARS
WILL SAVE YOU NOW.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WELL, PUNKYDOODLE.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?
CUT, CUT, STOP THE CAMERAS!
HEY, YO, I'M THE DIRECTOR!
ONLY I SAY CUT AND STOP THE
CAMERAS AND YOU KNOW,
THINGS LIKE THAT.
LISTEN, I'M NOT AN ACTOR,
AND I...
YEAH, THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
YOU RUINED MY SCENE,
YOU TAMPERED WITH US!
YOU STEPPED INTO MY LIGHT!
GO AWAY!
BUT THIS IS MY NEIGHBORHOOD!
NOT ANYMORE, SMART GUY!
MR. EASTENEGGER, THE SPECIAL
PROP YOU ORDERED HAS ARRIVED.
OH REALLY, HOW POWERFUL IS IT?
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOUR DAY.
d
PEGGY?
I CAN'T SEE A THING!
THERE HE IS, SLY, OH, SLY!
THANKS FOR THE LIFT, GUYS.
PEGGY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
YOO HOO, SLY! OVER HERE!
OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
THAT EASTENEGGER GUY
IS RUINING MY LIFE!
YOU TALKED TO HIM?
YOU THINK YOU COULD GET ME AN
INTERVIEW, STANLEY?
HE'S HARD COPY.
HE'S...WHAT ABOUT ALL THE
HEADLINES THE MASK GOTCHA?
OH, PLEASE, THAT WAS YESTERDAY!
I'M WORKING ON TOMORROW.
SEE YA THEN.
PEGGY, I...
OH, HOW AM I EVER GONNA
GET ANY SLEEP?
KEEP OUT,
RENTED TO MOVIE COMPANY?
MRS. PEENMAN, I NEED CLOTHES!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
NO MORE MISTER NICE STANLEY.
OH, PLEASE, LET IT BE HERE.
OH, GREAT, WHAT DO I DO NOW?
MILO!
BUDDY, YOU JUST EARNED A SLAB
OF PRIME RIB!
SCENE 68, TAKE TWO!
IT'S JESS LETHAL,
THE EX-TERMINATOR!
WE'RE DOOMED!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
LET'S GET 'EM, PARTNER!
OH, PLEASE, THAT'LL NEVER WORK
AGAINST TOERATE.
GET OFF MY SET!
I'M AN ACTION STAR, RIGHT?
NOT A KINDERGARTEN COP!
d
GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU WITCH!
HEY, BE CAREFUL,
DON'T DROP THAT!
NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?
ALL RIGHT, PUT THE PROP
SOMEPLACE SAFE,
YOU GOT IT?
I'LL DEAL WITH THIS
STRING BEAN NINCOMPOOP
BEFORE HE GETS IN OUR WAY!
I THINK THE PLOT JUST BEGAN
TO THICKEN!
YOU WANNA BE
AN ACTION HERO, HUH?
YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH,
YOU GOTTA BE STRONG!
HEY, YOU GOTTA NOT SHAVE.
THAT'S IT, MASK, YOU'RE MINE!
OKAY, YOU GREEN SLIME BALL,
THERE'S A CELL WAITIN' WITH YOUR
NAME ON IT!
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOIN'?
THERE'S NO QUESTION, I SEE STAR
POTENTIAL HERE.
OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND, REALLY.
YOU'LL BE TERRIFIC, THAT MANLY
JAW, THOSE STEELY EYES,
THAT DEVIL-MAY-CARE SMILE.
WHY, THANK YOU.
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH,
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH?
I'LL SHOW YOU TOUGH!
THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR
THE BOTH OF US, PILGRIM.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO GO
ONE-ON-ONE WITH ME!
AU CONTRAIRE, STEROID BREATH!
I CHALLENGE YOU TO A CONTEST.
SHALL WE SAY, WHAT DO YOU CALL,
MINDLESS ACTION STUNTS AT DAWN?
IF THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GET
RID OF YOU,
WE'LL LET THE FANS DECIDE WHO'S
THE LAST ACTION HERO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUT FIRST, YOU CAN HAVE
MY SIGNATURE.
YOURS 'TIL THE END.
THE MASK HAS GOTTA KNOW
HIS LIMITATIONS.
d
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE
GOT HERE.
THERMONUCLEAR DEVICE,
HANDLE WITH CARE?
PROPERTY OF U.S. GOVERNMENT?
OH, WHEW, THIS LOOKS TOO REAL TO
BE A SIMPLE MOVIE PROP.
COULD IT REALLY BE A...
HEY, I WANT YOU TO MAKE SURE
THAT THE MASK
NOT ONLY LOSES THE CONTEST,
BUT HE DOESN'T SURVIVE
IT EITHER!
NO ONE MUST INTERFERE WITH THE
CLIMAX OF MY MOVIE.
THE REAL AND TOTAL DESTRUCTION
OF AN ENTIRE CITY!
HELLO THERE.
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!
WHEN I WRITE MY STORY UP...
YOUR STORY'S GONNA HAVE
A REAL CLIFFHANGER.
WHEN THE BOMB GOES OFF,
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, DOLL FACE,
I PROMISED YOU THE BEST SEAT
IN THE HOUSE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DESTROY
A WHOLE CITY,
JUST FOR ONE STUPID MOVIE!
THE CRITICS CALLED MY LAST
PICTURE A BOMB!
NOW THEY'LL EAT THOSE WORDS,
AND I'LL GET THE RESPECT I'VE
ALWAYS DESERVED!
BUT FIRST, TO GET
THE MEDIA'S ATTENTION,
I GOTTA DEFEAT
THAT BUFFOONISH MASK!
YOU THINK YOU'RE A MATCH FOR ME?
THEN YOU GO FIRST.
NO PROBLEMO.
THE TEST IS CALLED SURVIVING
THE GAUNTLET.
TO WIN, YOU GOTTA REACH THE FAR
END, STICK BOY.
MAY THE BEST ACTION HERO WIN,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
d
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
HE FLIES THROUGH THE AIR
AND DOES VERY WELL.
THAT DARING YOUNG MASK
ON THE TANK'S CARNEGIE .
I'M HANDSOME AND GRACEFUL!
AND QUITE AGILE!
IF THERE'S ONE THING I LIKE,
IT'S A GOOD BARBEQUE!
SMOKIN!
d
I FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY
AND STING LIKE A BEE.
I AM THE GREATEST, I AM...
SQUISHED!
BEST OF LUCK, PAL!
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
d
EACH IN THE WOODS.
d
THIS AIN'T SAFE!
d
NOW, WE'RE GONNA DO
THE BUNGEE JUMP!
d
I'LL BE BACK.
I GOTCHA, I GOTCHA!
OOPS.
TOP THAT!
ALL RIGHT, SMART GUY!
ELEVATOR GOING DOWN!
NOBODY'S USING ME AS A....
YO!
WHEW!
ACTION HEROES HAVE TO BE ABLE
TO ESCAPE
IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS.
SORRY, WE DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH PARACHUTES
FOR THE BIT PLAYERS.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MORE BANG
FOR THE BUCK!
OH, MR. DARING DO'S AND DON'TS .
MODERN HEROES DO THINGS
WITH A LITTLE MORE PANACHE!
d
WELL, THAT'S EGG ON MY FACE!
OH NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!
DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DAY
JOB, WIMP.
AND STAY AWAY FROM MY MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
YOUR BIG SCENE!
NOW WHEN I CUE YOU, PRESS THIS
RED BUTTON.
AND THAT'LL MAKE THE BIG
EXPLOSION?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT,
THE BIG EXPLOSION!
ISN'T THIS KIND OF DANGEROUS!
DON'T WORRY, WE'LL BE
VERY FAR AWAY!
d
DETECTIVE KELLAWAY,
MAN AMONG ACTORS.
WAIT, I WANNA DO IT,
LEMME DO IT!
SCRAM, YOU EMERALD IDIOT!
YOU'RE RUINING MY SCENE!
d
STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW!
THE BOMB IS REAL, IT'S REAL!
REAL, AS IN...
AS IN THERMONUCLEAR,
CITY-BUSTING,
CRATER-MAKING REAL!
READY AND ACTION!
HEY, YOU CAN'T FOOL US WITH YOUR
SHOW BIZ GLITZ AND HYPE!
WE'RE ON TO YOU, BUB,
RIGHT, GUYS?
IT'S MY SCENE!
I WAS BORN TO PLAY THIS PART!
WAIT A MINUTE, THIS BOMB'S REAL!
NO SHINOLA, SHERLOCK!
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
CALLING ON MY
EXTENSIVE POLICE TRAINING,
I THINK THIS STRATEGY
WILL WORK, RUN!
FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN,
LEND ME YOUR EARS, THANK YOU.
I COME NOT TO PRAISE MY FAVORITE
TACO STAND,
BUT TO SEE IT BLOWN
TO SMITHEROONS.
ALONG WITH MY SONNY CHIBA
VIDEO COLLECTION.
LIKE HECK!
NOBODY FLUSHES MY TOWN
DOWN THE TUBES!
OH, MR. MEGASTAR!
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO SHUT
DOWN THE BOMB!
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
IT'S THE CLIMAX TO MY, UH,
MASTERPIECE.
BECAUSE, THAT'S WHERE I MOVED
ALL THE FILM YOU SHOT!
AND IF THE CITY GOES UP
IN SMOKE,
SO DOES YOUR BIG COME BACK.
WE HAVE TO SAVE MY CAREER!
I'M IN THE CITY!
HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAY!
d
IT'S HOPELESS.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
I'M NOT A HERO, I'M JUST
AN ACTOR, YOU KNOW?
NOT EVEN CLASSICALLY TRAINED!
THE CLOCK'S TICKING!
MASK, DO SOMETHING!
YEAH, BUT WHAT?
I ALWAYS DO MY BEST THINKING
SITTING DOWN.
THERE'S GONNA BE NO REMATCH.
OOPSIE, MUST HAVE BEEN
ALL THOSE TACOS.
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN,
OR ANYWHERE ELSE,
FOR THAT MATTER!
OH, SLY, ANY FINAL STATEMENT
FOR YOUR FANS?
JUST THIS.
MR. DEVILLE, I'M READY
FOR MY WEDGIE!
CUT AND PRINT!
d
d I GOTCHA
WITH MY WINNING SMILE d
d I'M A LIVIN' LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE d
d JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE d
d AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE d
d I'M NOUVEAU, DECO,
ROMAN-GRECO, ROCOCO, BARROCO, d
d BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP,
SOMEBODY STOP ME d
d PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE d
d DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN d
d I STAND OUT
OF THE CROWD d
d BABE, WHEN THEY
MADE ME, d
d YEAH, THEY BROKE
THE MOLD d
d WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, d
d TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND d
d ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS d
d HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS d
d GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE d
d WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING I
GOT TO SING ABOUT d
d OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT d
d WHOA, LOOK OUT d
d THIS IS THE MASK dd
SMOKIN'
d
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE MUNCHITO.
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE
MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE!
OLE, BURRITO BURGLING BANDITS!
NONE SHALL PILFER GUACAMOLE
FROM SUPER MASK.
AND THAT GOES DOUBLE
FOR NACHO BURRITO,
DEEP FRIED ICE CREAM
CUT, CUT!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK US
TO SET UP THAT SHOT?
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF?
UM, SMILE, YOU'RE
ON CANDID CAMERA?
HE DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM, HONEST!
YOU KNOW THIS PERSON?
HE'S A LOCAL ECCENTRIC,
HARMLESS, REALLY.
HARMLESS, HIM?
HE'S A MENACE!
SHH, IX-NAY ON THE ENACE-MAY.
THE CITY NEEDS THEIR PRODUCTION
MONEY AND THE GOOD PRESS.
BABY BEAR, THIS IS PAPA BEAR.
TELL THE BIG BOYS
IN THE MAIN OFFICE
THAT EDGE CITY
IS DEFINITELY OUT.
NO, NO, NO, LET'S
NOT BE HASTY NOW!
I'M SORRY, BUT MR. EASTENEGGER
WILL NEVER
TOLERATE THESE INTERRUPTIONS.
SLY EASTENEGGER,
MEDIA SUPERSTAR?
ACTION HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE?
NUMBER ONE BOX OFFICE ATTRACTION
IN THE WORLD?
HERE?
CAN I HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH,
PLEASE?
CAN I, CAN I,
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH?
STRIKE THE SET, WE'RE GONE.
THE MASK WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW HE'S HERE.
I PROMISE,
AND NOT A CAMPAIGN PROMISE.
A REAL PROMISE, PLEASE,
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
d
AVAST, YE MATEY!
THERE BE A GREAT WHITE WHALE!
SHIVER ME TIMBERS,
BLOW THE MAN DOWN!
CUT, NOT AGAIN!
GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
DO I HAVE STAR POTENTIAL
OR WHAT?
SPECIAL EFFECTS!
WELL, THERE GOES MY CHANCE TO
RAKE IN THE DOUGH.
PSYCH, DO I GET THE PART?
GET THIS THROUGH YOUR LOONY
GREEN HEAD.
SLY EASTENEGGER
IS THE REAL DIRECTOR.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE
DOING THE CASTING!
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE,
NO ONE BY THE NAME OF SLY.
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S
NOT HERE YET!
YOU'RE INSANE, YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS,
YOU'RE GREEN,
AND YOU CAN'T EVEN ACT!
OH, WHEN MR. EASTENEGGER SEES MY
TALENT AND GOOD LOOKS,
YOU KNOW HE JUST HAS TO PUT ME
IN HIS PICTURE!
I AM SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T WANT
TO PUT THE MASK IN THAT MOVIE.
'CAUSE THE BANK
IS GIVING THAT BIG
ACCOUNTING TEST
TOMORROW MORNING,
AND IF I PASS IT, I WILL BE IN
LINE FOR A BIG PROMOTION!
SO I HAVE GOT TO STUDY,
STUDY, STUDY.
GO TO BED EARLY AND GET A FULL
NIGHT'S SLEEP.
GOOD NIGHT, MILO.
d
WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
CUT!
WHO'S THE JERK STICKING HIS HEAD
INTO THE SHOT?
HEY, GET YOUR HEAD OUT
OF THE SHOT!
OH, NOT HERE, NOT NOW!
HUH, YOU MIND, WE'RE MAKIN'
A MOVIE HERE!
WOULD YOU MIND TERRIBLY
SHOOTING, I DON'T KNOW,
SOMEWHERE ELSE?
SEE, I'VE GOT THIS BIG TEST
TOMORROW, AND I...
SECURITY!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!
THESE GUYS ARE MAKIN' AN AWFUL
LOT OF RACKET,
AND I JUST GOT...
LOSE HIM!
HEY!
MOVE ALONG, IPKISS.
THIS MOVIE'S GONNA BRING EDGE
CITY A GOOD KINDA GREEN.
BUT I NEED SLEEP!
PLEASANT DREAMS, IPKISS.
OH, WELL, I CAN STILL GET
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
AND PASS THE TEST.
GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
THAT'S IT, THIS TIME
IT'S PERSONAL!
HEY, WHERE DO YOU HOLLYWOOD
TYPES COME OFF
WALKIN' ALL OVER ME, HUH?
I TOLD YOU, I'LL BE BACK.
WOW! SLY EASTENEGGER,
ON MY STREET!
IT'S JESS LETHAL,
THE EX-TERMINATOR!
WE'RE DOOMED!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
EXCUSE ME, MR. EASTENE...
YO, PUNK.
NOT EVEN A PIT FULL OF DOLLARS
WILL SAVE YOU NOW.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WELL, PUNKYDOODLE.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?
CUT, CUT, STOP THE CAMERAS!
HEY, YO, I'M THE DIRECTOR!
ONLY I SAY CUT AND STOP THE
CAMERAS AND YOU KNOW,
THINGS LIKE THAT.
LISTEN, I'M NOT AN ACTOR,
AND I...
YEAH, THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
YOU RUINED MY SCENE,
YOU TAMPERED WITH US!
YOU STEPPED INTO MY LIGHT!
GO AWAY!
BUT THIS IS MY NEIGHBORHOOD!
NOT ANYMORE, SMART GUY!
MR. EASTENEGGER, THE SPECIAL
PROP YOU ORDERED HAS ARRIVED.
OH REALLY, HOW POWERFUL IS IT?
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOUR DAY.
d
PEGGY?
I CAN'T SEE A THING!
THERE HE IS, SLY, OH, SLY!
THANKS FOR THE LIFT, GUYS.
PEGGY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
YOO HOO, SLY! OVER HERE!
OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
THAT EASTENEGGER GUY
IS RUINING MY LIFE!
YOU TALKED TO HIM?
YOU THINK YOU COULD GET ME AN
INTERVIEW, STANLEY?
HE'S HARD COPY.
HE'S...WHAT ABOUT ALL THE
HEADLINES THE MASK GOTCHA?
OH, PLEASE, THAT WAS YESTERDAY!
I'M WORKING ON TOMORROW.
SEE YA THEN.
PEGGY, I...
OH, HOW AM I EVER GONNA
GET ANY SLEEP?
KEEP OUT,
RENTED TO MOVIE COMPANY?
MRS. PEENMAN, I NEED CLOTHES!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
NO MORE MISTER NICE STANLEY.
OH, PLEASE, LET IT BE HERE.
OH, GREAT, WHAT DO I DO NOW?
MILO!
BUDDY, YOU JUST EARNED A SLAB
OF PRIME RIB!
SCENE 68, TAKE TWO!
IT'S JESS LETHAL,
THE EX-TERMINATOR!
WE'RE DOOMED!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
LET'S GET 'EM, PARTNER!
OH, PLEASE, THAT'LL NEVER WORK
AGAINST TOERATE.
GET OFF MY SET!
I'M AN ACTION STAR, RIGHT?
NOT A KINDERGARTEN COP!
d
GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU WITCH!
HEY, BE CAREFUL,
DON'T DROP THAT!
NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?
ALL RIGHT, PUT THE PROP
SOMEPLACE SAFE,
YOU GOT IT?
I'LL DEAL WITH THIS
STRING BEAN NINCOMPOOP
BEFORE HE GETS IN OUR WAY!
I THINK THE PLOT JUST BEGAN
TO THICKEN!
YOU WANNA BE
AN ACTION HERO, HUH?
YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH,
YOU GOTTA BE STRONG!
HEY, YOU GOTTA NOT SHAVE.
THAT'S IT, MASK, YOU'RE MINE!
OKAY, YOU GREEN SLIME BALL,
THERE'S A CELL WAITIN' WITH YOUR
NAME ON IT!
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOIN'?
THERE'S NO QUESTION, I SEE STAR
POTENTIAL HERE.
OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND, REALLY.
YOU'LL BE TERRIFIC, THAT MANLY
JAW, THOSE STEELY EYES,
THAT DEVIL-MAY-CARE SMILE.
WHY, THANK YOU.
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH,
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH?
I'LL SHOW YOU TOUGH!
THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR
THE BOTH OF US, PILGRIM.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO GO
ONE-ON-ONE WITH ME!
AU CONTRAIRE, STEROID BREATH!
I CHALLENGE YOU TO A CONTEST.
SHALL WE SAY, WHAT DO YOU CALL,
MINDLESS ACTION STUNTS AT DAWN?
IF THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GET
RID OF YOU,
WE'LL LET THE FANS DECIDE WHO'S
THE LAST ACTION HERO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUT FIRST, YOU CAN HAVE
MY SIGNATURE.
YOURS 'TIL THE END.
THE MASK HAS GOTTA KNOW
HIS LIMITATIONS.
d
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE
GOT HERE.
THERMONUCLEAR DEVICE,
HANDLE WITH CARE?
PROPERTY OF U.S. GOVERNMENT?
OH, WHEW, THIS LOOKS TOO REAL TO
BE A SIMPLE MOVIE PROP.
COULD IT REALLY BE A...
HEY, I WANT YOU TO MAKE SURE
THAT THE MASK
NOT ONLY LOSES THE CONTEST,
BUT HE DOESN'T SURVIVE
IT EITHER!
NO ONE MUST INTERFERE WITH THE
CLIMAX OF MY MOVIE.
THE REAL AND TOTAL DESTRUCTION
OF AN ENTIRE CITY!
HELLO THERE.
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!
WHEN I WRITE MY STORY UP...
YOUR STORY'S GONNA HAVE
A REAL CLIFFHANGER.
WHEN THE BOMB GOES OFF,
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, DOLL FACE,
I PROMISED YOU THE BEST SEAT
IN THE HOUSE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DESTROY
A WHOLE CITY,
JUST FOR ONE STUPID MOVIE!
THE CRITICS CALLED MY LAST
PICTURE A BOMB!
NOW THEY'LL EAT THOSE WORDS,
AND I'LL GET THE RESPECT I'VE
ALWAYS DESERVED!
BUT FIRST, TO GET
THE MEDIA'S ATTENTION,
I GOTTA DEFEAT
THAT BUFFOONISH MASK!
YOU THINK YOU'RE A MATCH FOR ME?
THEN YOU GO FIRST.
NO PROBLEMO.
THE TEST IS CALLED SURVIVING
THE GAUNTLET.
TO WIN, YOU GOTTA REACH THE FAR
END, STICK BOY.
MAY THE BEST ACTION HERO WIN,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
HE FLIES THROUGH THE AIR
AND DOES VERY WELL.
THAT DARING YOUNG MASK
ON THE TANK'S CARNEGIE .
I'M HANDSOME AND GRACEFUL!
AND QUITE AGILE!
IF THERE'S ONE THING I LIKE,
IT'S A GOOD BARBEQUE!
SMOKIN!
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I FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY
AND STING LIKE A BEE.
I AM THE GREATEST, I AM...
SQUISHED!
BEST OF LUCK, PAL!
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
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EACH IN THE WOODS.
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THIS AIN'T SAFE!
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NOW, WE'RE GONNA DO
THE BUNGEE JUMP!
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I'LL BE BACK.
I GOTCHA, I GOTCHA!
OOPS.
TOP THAT!
ALL RIGHT, SMART GUY!
ELEVATOR GOING DOWN!
NOBODY'S USING ME AS A....
YO!
WHEW!
ACTION HEROES HAVE TO BE ABLE
TO ESCAPE
IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS.
SORRY, WE DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH PARACHUTES
FOR THE BIT PLAYERS.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MORE BANG
FOR THE BUCK!
OH, MR. DARING DO'S AND DON'TS .
MODERN HEROES DO THINGS
WITH A LITTLE MORE PANACHE!
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WELL, THAT'S EGG ON MY FACE!
OH NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!
DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DAY
JOB, WIMP.
AND STAY AWAY FROM MY MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
YOUR BIG SCENE!
NOW WHEN I CUE YOU, PRESS THIS
RED BUTTON.
AND THAT'LL MAKE THE BIG
EXPLOSION?
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT,
THE BIG EXPLOSION!
ISN'T THIS KIND OF DANGEROUS!
DON'T WORRY, WE'LL BE
VERY FAR AWAY!
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DETECTIVE KELLAWAY,
MAN AMONG ACTORS.
WAIT, I WANNA DO IT,
LEMME DO IT!
SCRAM, YOU EMERALD IDIOT!
YOU'RE RUINING MY SCENE!
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STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW!
THE BOMB IS REAL, IT'S REAL!
REAL, AS IN...
AS IN THERMONUCLEAR,
CITY-BUSTING,
CRATER-MAKING REAL!
READY AND ACTION!
HEY, YOU CAN'T FOOL US WITH YOUR
SHOW BIZ GLITZ AND HYPE!
WE'RE ON TO YOU, BUB,
RIGHT, GUYS?
IT'S MY SCENE!
I WAS BORN TO PLAY THIS PART!
WAIT A MINUTE, THIS BOMB'S REAL!
NO SHINOLA, SHERLOCK!
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
CALLING ON MY
EXTENSIVE POLICE TRAINING,
I THINK THIS STRATEGY
WILL WORK, RUN!
FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN,
LEND ME YOUR EARS, THANK YOU.
I COME NOT TO PRAISE MY FAVORITE
TACO STAND,
BUT TO SEE IT BLOWN
TO SMITHEROONS.
ALONG WITH MY SONNY CHIBA
VIDEO COLLECTION.
LIKE HECK!
NOBODY FLUSHES MY TOWN
DOWN THE TUBES!
OH, MR. MEGASTAR!
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO SHUT
DOWN THE BOMB!
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
IT'S THE CLIMAX TO MY, UH,
MASTERPIECE.
BECAUSE, THAT'S WHERE I MOVED
ALL THE FILM YOU SHOT!
AND IF THE CITY GOES UP
IN SMOKE,
SO DOES YOUR BIG COME BACK.
WE HAVE TO SAVE MY CAREER!
I'M IN THE CITY!
HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAY!
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IT'S HOPELESS.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
I'M NOT A HERO, I'M JUST
AN ACTOR, YOU KNOW?
NOT EVEN CLASSICALLY TRAINED!
THE CLOCK'S TICKING!
MASK, DO SOMETHING!
YEAH, BUT WHAT?
I ALWAYS DO MY BEST THINKING
SITTING DOWN.
THERE'S GONNA BE NO REMATCH.
OOPSIE, MUST HAVE BEEN
ALL THOSE TACOS.
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN,
OR ANYWHERE ELSE,
FOR THAT MATTER!
OH, SLY, ANY FINAL STATEMENT
FOR YOUR FANS?
JUST THIS.
MR. DEVILLE, I'M READY
FOR MY WEDGIE!
CUT AND PRINT!
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