The Mask (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 11 - Up the Creek - full transcript
♪
♪ I GOTCHA
WITH MY WINNIN' SMILE ♪
♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪
♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE ♪
♪ I'M NOUVEAU,
DECO, ROMAN-GRECO, ♪
♪ ROCOCO, BARROCO,
BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP ♪
♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME! ♪
♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE ♪
♪ DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN ♪
♪ I STAND OUT
OF THE CROWD ♪
♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME,
YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪
♪ WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, ♪
♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪
♪ ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS ♪
♪ HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪
♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪
♪ WELL, THERE'S
ONE LAST THING ♪
♪ I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪
♪ OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT ♪
♪ OH, LOOK OUT ♪
♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪
SMOKIN'!
♪
SO, PHONY FRENCHMAN,
AT LAST WE MEET.
♪
OH, IT'S THE MASK.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
I WAS A FOOL TO FOLLOW
THIS BOGUS TRAIL
OF STALE BAGUETTES
TO THIS PHONY FAUX
EIFFEL TOWER.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.
IT'S REAL.
I BORROWED IT!
♪
MONSIEUR MASKED MAN,
YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SMART!
EAT MY FONDUE!
END OF THE LINE, FRENCHY!
IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP
YOUR PHONY FRENCH WAYS.
HA, THAT'S FUNNY!
ALL RIGHTY!
YOU FIEND!
MAKE IT STOP!
♪
TOUGH GUY, HUH?
WELL, WATCH ME EAT SALAD
WITH A DINNER FORK!
MM, ARUGULA.
NO! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE
THE TEENY-WEENIE SALAD FORK!
YOU KNOW, THIS BRIE IS
A LITTLE PAST ITS PEAK,
BUT I'M SURE IT STILL
MAKES FOR GOOD EATIN'!
YOU ARE EATING BRIE
PAST ITS PEAK?
OH, YOU'VE TAKEN LEAVE
OF YOUR SENSES!
YOU CRAZY!
♪
THIS IS ALMOST AS CHEESY
AS YOUR FAUX FRENCH ACCENT.
♪
NO!
NO!
OUI!
SACRE BLEU!
I'LL GET YOU, YOU RUDE AMERICAN
MASKED MAN!
VIVA LA FRANCE!
BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO PARIS.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN
THE EIFFEL TOWER.
WELL, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE,
SMART GUY.
♪
THE WHOLE THING STINKS
LIKE CAMEMBERT FONDUE.
MM, ACTUALLY, IT HAD
MORE OF A CHEDDAR BASE
THERE, LIEUTENANT.
WHAT?
DOYLE!
HEY, STANLEY, GUESS WHAT I JUST
HEARD ON THE RADIO?
THE FRENCH HAVE DECIDED
TO LEND US
THE EIFFEL TOWER
FOR A WEEK
IN EXCHANGE
FOR BUDDY HACKETT.
IPKISS!
I JUST MADE
YOUR APARTMENT
THE OFFICIAL EIFFEL TOWER
OBSERVATION SITE.
THE FIRST TOUR
COMES THROUGH
TOMORROW MORNING,
6:00 AM SHARP.
SO MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL
AND DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE.
YOU GOT LUCKY, IPKISS.
THIS TIME.
QUE PASA, STAN, MY MAN?
YOU LOOK STRESSED OUT.
HEY, TELL YOU WHAT.
I'VE GOT THIS HOT RAFTING DATE
LINED UP,
BUT SHE'LL ONLY GO
IF HER FRIEND GOES.
SO I NEED A FRIEND
FOR HER FRIEND.
IT'S A CHANCE TO GET
AWAY FROM IT ALL.
A RELAXING VACATION.
SUNSHINE, TREES,
THE GREAT OUTDOORS, HMM?
WELL, NO ONE WANTS ME
AROUND HERE.
GREAT!
PICK YOU UP TOMORROW,
BRIGHT AND EARLY!
BUT YOU'RE STAYING.
AND SO ARE YOU.
♪
CHARLIE, I--I--I THINK
YOU MADE A WRONG TURN.
HEY, RELAX.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I'M GOING.
♪
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU GOT US LOST!
I GOT US LOST!
WHAT--
♪
GREAT!
SOME RELAXING GETAWAY.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T WORRY.
ONCE WE MEET UP
WITH THE GIRLS,
IT'LL BE FUN
IN THE SUN.
♪
"DEAR CHARLIE,
THE WEATHER WAS SO NICE,
WE DECIDED
TO START WITHOUT YOU.
HOPE YOU CAN CATCH UP."
HM, SWELL.
HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE?
♪
AH, YES.
FINALLY, A CHANCE
TO RELAX.
♪
CHARLIE, I CANNOT TELL YOU
WHAT A RELIEF IT IS
TO GET AWAY
FROM THE MASK.
I--I--I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THE--THE CITY
WHERE THE MASK
HANGS OUT.
I JUST--OH.
YEAH, IT SURE IS PEACEFUL.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
GO FOR A SWIM.
OOH, WATER'S NICE, TOO.
♪
MILO!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
♪
I'LL SAVE YOU, STANLEY!
MILO, GIVE ME THE MASK!
COME ON.
HUH?
WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE SHARK THINGY?
MILO SCARED HIM OFF.
YEAH, IT'S A REALLY GOOD THING
HE STOWED AWAY
IN OUR STUFF.
GOOD--GOOD MILO.
YEAH.
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
♪
♪
WOW, WOW, WOW,
WOW, WOW!
HEY!
WEREN'T YOU JUST A SHARK?
AND--AND WHERE'S STANLEY?
YOU WANT TO PLAY
20 QUESTIONS
OR YOU WANT TO SURVIVE
THIS LITTLE TRIP?
WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!
♪
BANKERS ARE DOCKING SECOND.
YES!
NO, WAIT.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
OH, YES.
GERONIMO!
♪
HMM, PERHAPS
I SHOULD JETTISON
SOME OF THIS EXCESS WEIGHT.
♪
WAIT, MAYBE
I CAN USE THAT.
♪
CH-CH-CHEEKY!
I'M ALIVE.
I'M ALIVE!
TIME TO PARTY!
SOMEBODY POP ME!
♪
SOME GREAT OUTDOORS.
NO COCO BONGO CLUB.
NO MAD MONKEY
MOVIE MARATHON.
NO OVERZEALOUS POLICE
LIEUTENANTS TO HARASS.
WHAT SORT OF SICK,
TWISTED MIND
COULD CONCEIVE
OF SUCH A PLACE?
WELL, LOOKY HERE, PA.
CITY FOLK.
♪
I KNOW WHAT
THIS PLACE NEEDS!
A HULA LOUNGE.
♪
EVERYBODY HULA!
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
CLEM, GO GET
THE SHOTGUN.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
TONIGHT ONLY,
TWO-FOR-ONE PASSES.
BRING A POSSUM,
GET IN FREE.
A SHOOTING CONTEST!
SHOOTIN' CONTEST!
LET'S SEE WHAT
WE GOT HERE.
MEH, TOO SMALL.
THROW IT BACK.
NOPE, STILL TOO SMALL.
NOPE. NOPE.
NOPE.
AH-HA!
♪
WHAT'CHA GONNA DO
WITH THAT TEENY THING?
♪
I DO BELIEVE
WE HAVE A WINNER!
♪
AND FOR OUR
RUNNERS UP,
A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF WEDGIES!
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR UNDERWEAR?
UNDERWEAR?
WHAT'S UNDERWEAR?
FORTUNATELY,
I COME PREPARED
FOR JUST SUCH
EMERGENCIES.
♪
YOU BOYS CRY OUT
FOR SOMETHING SPECIAL,
PERHAPS SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE,
I DON'T KNOW,
ROMAN-GRECO.
♪
OH, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MOTIF.
♪
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
♪
YOU!
YOU!
I THOUGHT WE LOST YOU
OVER THE WATERFALL!
NO, NO.
SEE, I ENDED UP
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER,
BUT I COULDN'T
FIND ANY HELP.
SO I CAME BACK HERE,
BUT I--YOU KNOW,
I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU.
WELL, WE CAN KISS
GOOD-BYE TO EVER
CATCHING UP
WITH THE GIRLS.
THEY'RE PROBABLY MILES
FROM HERE BY NOW.
HMM. THE ONLY THINK I CAN'T
FIGURE OUT IS WHY WOULD
THE MASK FOLLOW US
ALL THE WAY HERE?
MILO, WILL YOU
STOP BARKING?
♪
OPEN SEASON
ON CITY FOLK.
WE GOT--WE GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE!
THERE THEY ARE!
WOO-WEE!
♪
BILLY BO BOB,
THIS IS PA.
CITY FOLK COMIN'
YOUR WAY.
THEY'VE GOT WALKIE-TALKIES
STANLEY.
THEY--THEY'VE GOT
WALKIE-TALKIES!
SO?
THEY'VE GOT GUNS, STANLEY!
THEY'VE GOT GUNS!
GUNS I CARE ABOUT!
KEEP ME POSTED
ON THE GUNS!
BILLY BO BOB HERE.
TARGET ALPHA OMEGA
NINER OVER.
OOH, WHAT'S ALL
THAT MEAN?
HECK, I DON'T KNOW.
IT SOUNDS KINDA PURTY, THOUGH,
DON'T IT?
THIS WAY!
I THINK WE LOST 'EM.
WE'RE JUST TOO SMART
FOR THOSE STUPID--
I MEAN, STUPID
IN THE MOST POSITIVE SENSE.
♪
WELL, THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE GREAT FOR YOU BACK.
♪
YEE-HA!
HE-HE!
YEE-HA!
♪
CAN'T YOU SAY
ANYTHING ELSE?
WHY, SURE.
WE COULD SAY,
"HOW COMPLETELY SPLENDIFEROUS
THAT WE HAVE APPREHENDED SUCH
UNPLEASANT URBAN DWELLERS."
BUT IT AIN'T GOT NEARLY
THE SAME TWANG TO IT.
YEE-HA!
♪
WHAT NOW, PA?
WELL, WE EAT 'EM,
I GUESS.
WOO-HOO!
LET'S MAKE STIR-FRY!
YEE-HA!
YEE-HA!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
RELEASE THOSE MEN!
DANG YOU,
JED JIGSEN JEDEDIAH,
AND YOUR WHOLE CLAN!
YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS.
WHEW, THE CAVALRY!
JUST IN TIME.
NOW, OUR TWO FAMILIES
BEEN AT WAR,
SHOOTIN' AT EACH OTHER,
STEALIN' FROM EACH OTHER
FOR 70 YEARS.
AND I'M GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
IT'S GETTIN DANG
INCONVENIENT.
WELL, I RECKON
YOUR FAMILY SHOULDA
HAD-A OUGHTA
CONSIDERED THAT
AFORE THEY LEFT
BESSIE AND BEULAH
AWAITIN' AT THE ALTAR!
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
I DONE DECIDED
TO MAKE GOOD.
BUT BILLY BO BOB'S ALREADY
GOT HIM THREE WIVES,
AND ZEKE OVER THERE'S
REALLY A GIRL.
AND THERE'S CLEM
AND MUDHEAD,
BUT THEY'LL BE
OFF NEXT YEAR TRAVELIN'
WITH THE BALLET.
YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR DAUGHTERS
MIXED UP
WITH NO SHOW FOLK.
SO, WHY DON'T WE
GIVE YOU THESE TWO?
I RECKON THEY'D MAKE
GOOD FOR HUSBANDIN'.
BETTER FOR EATIN'.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S A DEAL.
YEE-HA!
YEAH!
YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE
OF BESSIE AND BEULAH?
THEY'S THE PRETTIEST
DARN CRITTERS
EVER TO WADE THROUGH
THESE HERE BOGS!
WOW, THEY ARE PRETTY.
YEAH.
COURSE, YOU KNOW,
THESE PHOTOS WAS TAKEN
'BOUT 70-ODD
YEARS AGO,
AND TIME DOES HAVE A WAY
OF AGIN' FOLKS.
70 YEARS!
WELL, THAT WOULD
MAKE 'EM--CARRY THE FI--
UH, REALLY OLD!
YEAH, I MEAN!
AND THEY AIN'T
GETTIN' ANY YOUNGER.
SO LET'S JUST GET
THIS HOOTENANNY
ON THE ROAD!
♪
HI, THERE.
I RECKON WE BETTER
GET STARTED.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW
WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO?
YEAH!
WE--NO.
-UH-UH.
-SURE DON'T.
NO, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
I GOT NO IDEA.
♪
HOLD IT, I REMEMBER NOW.
EVERYBODY SAYS, "I DO,"
AND THEY CARRY
THE BLUSHING BRIDES
OVER THE THRESHOLD.
DO WE GOT A THRESHOLD?
WE GOT AN OUTHOUSE.
FINE BY ME.
I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY.
BESSIE, BEULAH,
SAY "I DO."
I DO.
♪
NOW, YOU SAY, "I DO."
I--
♪
I--I--MILO!
♪
I MILO?
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
WELL, MAYBE IT'S ITALIAN.
THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
SAY IT IN ENGLISH.
I AM--I--I--I--
I GOTTA GO
TO THE LITTLE
HILLBILLIES' ROOM.
♪
Y'ALL THINK
HE REALLY HAD TO GO?
♪
HECK, I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S JUST SHOOT HIM.
♪
HOO-OO-WEE!
DO NOT GO IN THERE!
IT'S THAT GREEN-FACED
CITY SLICKER!
MISSED.
MISSED AGAIN.
SORRY.
WOO!
DON'T DO THAT.
♪
ALL RIGHT, CLEVELAND!
LET'S ROCK THIS PLACE!
♪
NOW SWING
YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO,
STOMP REAL HARD
RIGHT ON THE TOE.
♪
LET'S PICK UP
THE PACE, CHILLINS.
♪
GRAB THEIR GUN
AND TIE 'EM UP TIGHT.
WEDGIE YOUR PARTNER
WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.
ALLEMANDE LEFT
AND DO A LITTLE JIG.
COVER 'EM WITH SLOP
AND FEED 'EM TO THE PIG.
♪
Y'ALL GET IN MY WAY.
GET ME ON OUT HERE,
WOULD YOU?
TIME TO SHOVE OFF!
EXCUSE ME.
YEE-HA!
♪
OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT LOSING
ALL THAT CAMPING EQUIPMENT,
STANLEY.
I PUT IT
ON YOUR CREDIT CARD.
OH!
I CAN'T TALK NOW!
I'M GONNA BE LATE
FOR THE INVITATION-ONLY
BANKERS' BASH.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN'--
LOVER BOY!
OHH!
OH, WHAT'S THIS?
INVITATION ONLY.
A PARTY?
I JUST LOVE PARTIES.
GOIN' TO A PARTY.
GOIN' TO A PARTY.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪
♪
♪ I GOTCHA
WITH MY WINNIN' SMILE ♪
♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON
IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪
♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP
BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR-FAIRE ♪
♪ I'M NOUVEAU,
DECO, ROMAN-GRECO, ♪
♪ ROCOCO, BARROCO,
BE-BOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP ♪
♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME! ♪
♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES
LIKE MINE ♪
♪ DON'T COME
A DIME A DOZEN ♪
♪ I STAND OUT
OF THE CROWD ♪
♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME,
YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪
♪ WHOLESOME AND KIND,
STAID AND REFINED, ♪
♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪
♪ ARCH-VILLAINS
AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS ♪
♪ HAD BETTER LEARN
TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪
♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING
IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪
♪ WELL, THERE'S
ONE LAST THING ♪
♪ I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪
♪ OPEN UP WIDE
AND REALLY SHOUT ♪
♪ OH, LOOK OUT ♪
♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪
SMOKIN'!
♪
SO, PHONY FRENCHMAN,
AT LAST WE MEET.
♪
OH, IT'S THE MASK.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
I WAS A FOOL TO FOLLOW
THIS BOGUS TRAIL
OF STALE BAGUETTES
TO THIS PHONY FAUX
EIFFEL TOWER.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.
IT'S REAL.
I BORROWED IT!
♪
MONSIEUR MASKED MAN,
YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SMART!
EAT MY FONDUE!
END OF THE LINE, FRENCHY!
IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP
YOUR PHONY FRENCH WAYS.
HA, THAT'S FUNNY!
ALL RIGHTY!
YOU FIEND!
MAKE IT STOP!
♪
TOUGH GUY, HUH?
WELL, WATCH ME EAT SALAD
WITH A DINNER FORK!
MM, ARUGULA.
NO! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE
THE TEENY-WEENIE SALAD FORK!
YOU KNOW, THIS BRIE IS
A LITTLE PAST ITS PEAK,
BUT I'M SURE IT STILL
MAKES FOR GOOD EATIN'!
YOU ARE EATING BRIE
PAST ITS PEAK?
OH, YOU'VE TAKEN LEAVE
OF YOUR SENSES!
YOU CRAZY!
♪
THIS IS ALMOST AS CHEESY
AS YOUR FAUX FRENCH ACCENT.
♪
NO!
NO!
OUI!
SACRE BLEU!
I'LL GET YOU, YOU RUDE AMERICAN
MASKED MAN!
VIVA LA FRANCE!
BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO PARIS.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN
THE EIFFEL TOWER.
WELL, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE,
SMART GUY.
♪
THE WHOLE THING STINKS
LIKE CAMEMBERT FONDUE.
MM, ACTUALLY, IT HAD
MORE OF A CHEDDAR BASE
THERE, LIEUTENANT.
WHAT?
DOYLE!
HEY, STANLEY, GUESS WHAT I JUST
HEARD ON THE RADIO?
THE FRENCH HAVE DECIDED
TO LEND US
THE EIFFEL TOWER
FOR A WEEK
IN EXCHANGE
FOR BUDDY HACKETT.
IPKISS!
I JUST MADE
YOUR APARTMENT
THE OFFICIAL EIFFEL TOWER
OBSERVATION SITE.
THE FIRST TOUR
COMES THROUGH
TOMORROW MORNING,
6:00 AM SHARP.
SO MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL
AND DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE.
YOU GOT LUCKY, IPKISS.
THIS TIME.
QUE PASA, STAN, MY MAN?
YOU LOOK STRESSED OUT.
HEY, TELL YOU WHAT.
I'VE GOT THIS HOT RAFTING DATE
LINED UP,
BUT SHE'LL ONLY GO
IF HER FRIEND GOES.
SO I NEED A FRIEND
FOR HER FRIEND.
IT'S A CHANCE TO GET
AWAY FROM IT ALL.
A RELAXING VACATION.
SUNSHINE, TREES,
THE GREAT OUTDOORS, HMM?
WELL, NO ONE WANTS ME
AROUND HERE.
GREAT!
PICK YOU UP TOMORROW,
BRIGHT AND EARLY!
BUT YOU'RE STAYING.
AND SO ARE YOU.
♪
CHARLIE, I--I--I THINK
YOU MADE A WRONG TURN.
HEY, RELAX.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I'M GOING.
♪
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU GOT US LOST!
I GOT US LOST!
WHAT--
♪
GREAT!
SOME RELAXING GETAWAY.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T WORRY.
ONCE WE MEET UP
WITH THE GIRLS,
IT'LL BE FUN
IN THE SUN.
♪
"DEAR CHARLIE,
THE WEATHER WAS SO NICE,
WE DECIDED
TO START WITHOUT YOU.
HOPE YOU CAN CATCH UP."
HM, SWELL.
HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE?
♪
AH, YES.
FINALLY, A CHANCE
TO RELAX.
♪
CHARLIE, I CANNOT TELL YOU
WHAT A RELIEF IT IS
TO GET AWAY
FROM THE MASK.
I--I--I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THE--THE CITY
WHERE THE MASK
HANGS OUT.
I JUST--OH.
YEAH, IT SURE IS PEACEFUL.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
GO FOR A SWIM.
OOH, WATER'S NICE, TOO.
♪
MILO!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
♪
I'LL SAVE YOU, STANLEY!
MILO, GIVE ME THE MASK!
COME ON.
HUH?
WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE SHARK THINGY?
MILO SCARED HIM OFF.
YEAH, IT'S A REALLY GOOD THING
HE STOWED AWAY
IN OUR STUFF.
GOOD--GOOD MILO.
YEAH.
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
♪
♪
WOW, WOW, WOW,
WOW, WOW!
HEY!
WEREN'T YOU JUST A SHARK?
AND--AND WHERE'S STANLEY?
YOU WANT TO PLAY
20 QUESTIONS
OR YOU WANT TO SURVIVE
THIS LITTLE TRIP?
WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!
♪
BANKERS ARE DOCKING SECOND.
YES!
NO, WAIT.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
OH, YES.
GERONIMO!
♪
HMM, PERHAPS
I SHOULD JETTISON
SOME OF THIS EXCESS WEIGHT.
♪
WAIT, MAYBE
I CAN USE THAT.
♪
CH-CH-CHEEKY!
I'M ALIVE.
I'M ALIVE!
TIME TO PARTY!
SOMEBODY POP ME!
♪
SOME GREAT OUTDOORS.
NO COCO BONGO CLUB.
NO MAD MONKEY
MOVIE MARATHON.
NO OVERZEALOUS POLICE
LIEUTENANTS TO HARASS.
WHAT SORT OF SICK,
TWISTED MIND
COULD CONCEIVE
OF SUCH A PLACE?
WELL, LOOKY HERE, PA.
CITY FOLK.
♪
I KNOW WHAT
THIS PLACE NEEDS!
A HULA LOUNGE.
♪
EVERYBODY HULA!
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
CLEM, GO GET
THE SHOTGUN.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
TONIGHT ONLY,
TWO-FOR-ONE PASSES.
BRING A POSSUM,
GET IN FREE.
A SHOOTING CONTEST!
SHOOTIN' CONTEST!
LET'S SEE WHAT
WE GOT HERE.
MEH, TOO SMALL.
THROW IT BACK.
NOPE, STILL TOO SMALL.
NOPE. NOPE.
NOPE.
AH-HA!
♪
WHAT'CHA GONNA DO
WITH THAT TEENY THING?
♪
I DO BELIEVE
WE HAVE A WINNER!
♪
AND FOR OUR
RUNNERS UP,
A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF WEDGIES!
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR UNDERWEAR?
UNDERWEAR?
WHAT'S UNDERWEAR?
FORTUNATELY,
I COME PREPARED
FOR JUST SUCH
EMERGENCIES.
♪
YOU BOYS CRY OUT
FOR SOMETHING SPECIAL,
PERHAPS SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE,
I DON'T KNOW,
ROMAN-GRECO.
♪
OH, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MOTIF.
♪
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
A-WIKI-TIKI-TIKI,
A-WIKI-TIKI-TA.
♪
YOU!
YOU!
I THOUGHT WE LOST YOU
OVER THE WATERFALL!
NO, NO.
SEE, I ENDED UP
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER,
BUT I COULDN'T
FIND ANY HELP.
SO I CAME BACK HERE,
BUT I--YOU KNOW,
I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU.
WELL, WE CAN KISS
GOOD-BYE TO EVER
CATCHING UP
WITH THE GIRLS.
THEY'RE PROBABLY MILES
FROM HERE BY NOW.
HMM. THE ONLY THINK I CAN'T
FIGURE OUT IS WHY WOULD
THE MASK FOLLOW US
ALL THE WAY HERE?
MILO, WILL YOU
STOP BARKING?
♪
OPEN SEASON
ON CITY FOLK.
WE GOT--WE GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE!
THERE THEY ARE!
WOO-WEE!
♪
BILLY BO BOB,
THIS IS PA.
CITY FOLK COMIN'
YOUR WAY.
THEY'VE GOT WALKIE-TALKIES
STANLEY.
THEY--THEY'VE GOT
WALKIE-TALKIES!
SO?
THEY'VE GOT GUNS, STANLEY!
THEY'VE GOT GUNS!
GUNS I CARE ABOUT!
KEEP ME POSTED
ON THE GUNS!
BILLY BO BOB HERE.
TARGET ALPHA OMEGA
NINER OVER.
OOH, WHAT'S ALL
THAT MEAN?
HECK, I DON'T KNOW.
IT SOUNDS KINDA PURTY, THOUGH,
DON'T IT?
THIS WAY!
I THINK WE LOST 'EM.
WE'RE JUST TOO SMART
FOR THOSE STUPID--
I MEAN, STUPID
IN THE MOST POSITIVE SENSE.
♪
WELL, THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE GREAT FOR YOU BACK.
♪
YEE-HA!
HE-HE!
YEE-HA!
♪
CAN'T YOU SAY
ANYTHING ELSE?
WHY, SURE.
WE COULD SAY,
"HOW COMPLETELY SPLENDIFEROUS
THAT WE HAVE APPREHENDED SUCH
UNPLEASANT URBAN DWELLERS."
BUT IT AIN'T GOT NEARLY
THE SAME TWANG TO IT.
YEE-HA!
♪
WHAT NOW, PA?
WELL, WE EAT 'EM,
I GUESS.
WOO-HOO!
LET'S MAKE STIR-FRY!
YEE-HA!
YEE-HA!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
RELEASE THOSE MEN!
DANG YOU,
JED JIGSEN JEDEDIAH,
AND YOUR WHOLE CLAN!
YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS.
WHEW, THE CAVALRY!
JUST IN TIME.
NOW, OUR TWO FAMILIES
BEEN AT WAR,
SHOOTIN' AT EACH OTHER,
STEALIN' FROM EACH OTHER
FOR 70 YEARS.
AND I'M GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
IT'S GETTIN DANG
INCONVENIENT.
WELL, I RECKON
YOUR FAMILY SHOULDA
HAD-A OUGHTA
CONSIDERED THAT
AFORE THEY LEFT
BESSIE AND BEULAH
AWAITIN' AT THE ALTAR!
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
I DONE DECIDED
TO MAKE GOOD.
BUT BILLY BO BOB'S ALREADY
GOT HIM THREE WIVES,
AND ZEKE OVER THERE'S
REALLY A GIRL.
AND THERE'S CLEM
AND MUDHEAD,
BUT THEY'LL BE
OFF NEXT YEAR TRAVELIN'
WITH THE BALLET.
YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR DAUGHTERS
MIXED UP
WITH NO SHOW FOLK.
SO, WHY DON'T WE
GIVE YOU THESE TWO?
I RECKON THEY'D MAKE
GOOD FOR HUSBANDIN'.
BETTER FOR EATIN'.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S A DEAL.
YEE-HA!
YEAH!
YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE
OF BESSIE AND BEULAH?
THEY'S THE PRETTIEST
DARN CRITTERS
EVER TO WADE THROUGH
THESE HERE BOGS!
WOW, THEY ARE PRETTY.
YEAH.
COURSE, YOU KNOW,
THESE PHOTOS WAS TAKEN
'BOUT 70-ODD
YEARS AGO,
AND TIME DOES HAVE A WAY
OF AGIN' FOLKS.
70 YEARS!
WELL, THAT WOULD
MAKE 'EM--CARRY THE FI--
UH, REALLY OLD!
YEAH, I MEAN!
AND THEY AIN'T
GETTIN' ANY YOUNGER.
SO LET'S JUST GET
THIS HOOTENANNY
ON THE ROAD!
♪
HI, THERE.
I RECKON WE BETTER
GET STARTED.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW
WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO?
YEAH!
WE--NO.
-UH-UH.
-SURE DON'T.
NO, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
I GOT NO IDEA.
♪
HOLD IT, I REMEMBER NOW.
EVERYBODY SAYS, "I DO,"
AND THEY CARRY
THE BLUSHING BRIDES
OVER THE THRESHOLD.
DO WE GOT A THRESHOLD?
WE GOT AN OUTHOUSE.
FINE BY ME.
I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY.
BESSIE, BEULAH,
SAY "I DO."
I DO.
♪
NOW, YOU SAY, "I DO."
I--
♪
I--I--MILO!
♪
I MILO?
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
WELL, MAYBE IT'S ITALIAN.
THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
SAY IT IN ENGLISH.
I AM--I--I--I--
I GOTTA GO
TO THE LITTLE
HILLBILLIES' ROOM.
♪
Y'ALL THINK
HE REALLY HAD TO GO?
♪
HECK, I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S JUST SHOOT HIM.
♪
HOO-OO-WEE!
DO NOT GO IN THERE!
IT'S THAT GREEN-FACED
CITY SLICKER!
MISSED.
MISSED AGAIN.
SORRY.
WOO!
DON'T DO THAT.
♪
ALL RIGHT, CLEVELAND!
LET'S ROCK THIS PLACE!
♪
NOW SWING
YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO,
STOMP REAL HARD
RIGHT ON THE TOE.
♪
LET'S PICK UP
THE PACE, CHILLINS.
♪
GRAB THEIR GUN
AND TIE 'EM UP TIGHT.
WEDGIE YOUR PARTNER
WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.
ALLEMANDE LEFT
AND DO A LITTLE JIG.
COVER 'EM WITH SLOP
AND FEED 'EM TO THE PIG.
♪
Y'ALL GET IN MY WAY.
GET ME ON OUT HERE,
WOULD YOU?
TIME TO SHOVE OFF!
EXCUSE ME.
YEE-HA!
♪
OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT LOSING
ALL THAT CAMPING EQUIPMENT,
STANLEY.
I PUT IT
ON YOUR CREDIT CARD.
OH!
I CAN'T TALK NOW!
I'M GONNA BE LATE
FOR THE INVITATION-ONLY
BANKERS' BASH.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN' TO THE PARTY.
GOIN'--
LOVER BOY!
OHH!
OH, WHAT'S THIS?
INVITATION ONLY.
A PARTY?
I JUST LOVE PARTIES.
GOIN' TO A PARTY.
GOIN' TO A PARTY.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
♪
♪