The Mask (1995–1997): Season 1, Episode 15 - Santa Mask - full transcript
♪ I gotcha with
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help
but stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm nouveau Deco
Roman-Greco Rococo Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop hip-hop flip-flop ♪
♪ Somebody stop me ♪
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
♪ Don't come a dime a dozen
I stand out of the crowd ♪
♪ Babe when they made me
yeah they broke the mold ♪
♪ Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined ♪
♪ Totally out of my mind ♪
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn
to decorate prison cells ♪
♪ Green goes with anything
if they ask see ♪
♪ Well there's one last thing
I gotta sing about ♪
♪ Open up wide
and really shout ♪
♪ Oh look out ♪
♪ This is The Mask ♪♪
Smokin'.
[instrumental music]
[grunting]
(Stanley)
Why always the silent
treatment, Walter?
Why can't
we communicate better?
Ugh!
One mask
to a customer, bub.
boing
Yikes, I'm missing
the early bird breakfast
at the Blue Bird Diner.
crash
swish swish
Whoa! Time's just whizzing by.
Ho ho! En garde!
Whither thee, my silent hulk
mine fishy snout
will cleave thy bulk.
splat
clank clank
Spring forward,
fall back.
Stanley
'Hey!'
crash
swish swish swish
Mmm-hmm,
my face is my fortune..
...and breakfast
is my religion.
Yeehaw! Time for some
bulldog gravy and biscuits.
screech
Oh, heaven help me.
Bulldog gravy and, bi-biscuits.
Aah!
Stan-man, I was about to file a
missing person's report on you.
Oh, yeah, I,
I'm s-sorry, I'm late, Charlie.
gulp
I've had a rough morning.
No kiddin'.
You look like road kill.
But put on
your best face.
I want you to meet
our new hotshot employee.
Stanley, meet Chet Bozzack.
Stanley Ipkiss, my oh my,
it's been a long time. Ha ha ha.
Ch-Ch-Chet B-Bozzack, y-you're
the new, the new employee.
You guys know each other?
(both)
We haven't seen
each other since high school.
Say, we had some swell times,
didn't we? Huh? Ha ha.
gulp
Yeah, real swell.
Stanley, oh, Chuck I'd like you
to meet my old pal, Melvin.
Ha ha ha.
[gurgling]
What's wrong,
Stanley Dipstick?
You're looking
a little flushed. Ha ha.
[whirring]
Here's my term project,
Mr. Philbert.
Stanley doorstop, ha ha.
Stanley doorstop.
Yes, Stanley doorstop,
I remember that. Ha ha.
The infamous wood shop caper.
That was the one that got me
expelled from Edge City High.
gulp
Ha, sorry about that.
Oh, ho ho! Don't be sorry.
I had it coming.
It's not right to go
around wood gluing things
to people's skulls. Ha ha.
Besides, you made
a lousy doorstop. Ha ha.
splash
Stan-man, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
I have and his name
is Chet Bozzack.
Evil clown King of Mayhem.
I thought you
two were old buddies?
No, he always blamed me for
getting expelled from school.
You know what,
Charlie?
He's holding a grudge.
I know it.
Come on, Stan.
What's he gonna do?
- Swipe your lunch money.
- No.
No, because
that's not his style.
He wants to flush me.
Ha ha, so,
he's into water sports.
The way you're talking,
you'd think
he were the mask
or something.
The mask!
boom
No!
Gosh and gollies, I was just
looking for the washroom key.
Yeah, ahem, you see,
I take my office supplies
very seriously, Chet.
(Chet)
What's with the wooden mask?
Uh, w-w-what wooden mask?
Washroom key?
Oops.
Huh, I'll get it.
Showing Chet
your organizational skills?
Come on, Stanley, let's check
out the indoor plumbing
for old times' sake. Ha ha.
I told you
he wants to flush me.
Easy, Stan, you're a ten
on the tension meter.
Yeah, like, Charlie,
I-I gotta take my break early.
[panting]
Phew! He's one guy I can't
let you get anywhere near.
Huh!
He's another.
[car honking]
(Stanley)
'Hey!'
'Not even a scratch.'
Well, guess
I'm stuck with you.
Whoa!
Ha ha, look, Walter,
no mask. Honest.
bwogg
Aah!
crash
Ha ha, good old indestructible
mask saved my bacon.
Wait a minute.
[Stanley whistles]
That Walter packs quite a punch.
Huh! Oh, I gotta find
the other half before Walter.
Oh, come on!
What am I worried about?
'It can't possibly work
if it's broken.'
Can it?
[whirring]
Smokin'!
Hey, what are you
doing here?
Oh, boy.
[instrumental music]
We'll be right back.
(male narrator)
And now back to the show.
Well, split my skull and call me
two-thirds Neapolitan.
Looks like it's half wedgie
night on the police precinct eh?
I don't believe this.
Neither do I.
Your cheap threads are
cramping my style, babe.
What'd you do with the
remaining tablecloth?
Never mind that.
I, we've gotta stop Walter.
Even half the Mask could
give him incredible powers.
Yeah, stronger words
never spoken.
But first!
What "But first" what?
(Stanley)
'Wow!'
[theme music]
The Monkey Movie Marathon.
Nine hours of fun fur
and bananas!
thud thud thud
swish
screech
Mister, that's
government property!
splash
[theme music]
Good to finally spend
some time together, huh champ?
Yeah, listen, shouldn't we be
lookin' for Walter?
Yeah, tell that
to the boys.
Well, okay.
I mean, it's not half
my face he's got.
poing
Hey stealing chocolate,
I must pay!
[whirring]
[screaming]
[panting]
Return my face now
and no one gets hurt.
Walt? Oh, well,
missed him.
Back to enjoying
our day.
sniff sniff
clang
And I'm taking it easy on you.
Till I get to the Coco Bongo!
(Stanley)
Look, don't you think it's
more important to find Walter?
Hah! Not with your rhythm,
white boy.
We gotta teach
you to dance!
[howling]
[whistles]
Don't do that.
Paws off!
Why is it everyone
wants to touch the face?
We can't let anyone
see me like this.
My, you know, secret identity's
hanging out all over the place.
Stanley! Well, well, well,
long break, huh?
Oh, I-I-I forgot to tell you.
I had a-an appointment with the
an MD, you know, a-a d-doctor.
ting
Uh, right, I, ahem, need you
to mail this important document.
Sure thing, Charlie.
'You know, Stan.'
'You oughta watch out
for that Chet.'
He covered for
your absence just fine.
In fact, he'll cover for you
tonight at the Coco Bongo.
That is unless
you're still going.
- 'Yes!'
- No!
- Yes.
- No.
Yes! Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
Well, make up your mind!
I'd say I'm definitely not sure.
Ugh! And you wonder why
you don't get promoted.
Phew! Oh, that was close.
You know, Stan
you're really underestimating
the popularity
of the Coco Bongo
salad bar, babe.
They have jicama.
For the last time, that's not
a Walter kind of hang out!
swoosh
[rock music]
Uh, no Walter here.
Let's go.
Oh no.
I like this joint.
It has character.
At least I won't see
anyone I know in here.
See you tomorrow,
Agnus.
What'll ya have?
The split pea soup.
- Just coffee for me, please.
- Yeah, me too.
Can you pour
the decaf on his side
and make the
other side regular?
Look, bud, you want a drink,
you order a man's drink!
Ooh, then make it a red hot
battery acid pile driver
with extra formaldehyde,
a dirty glass
with a black widow spider
ridin' on the olive.
We're outta olives.
Don't even think about it.
glug glug
boosh
hiss
burp
(Mask)
'Whoo!'
Hey, we don't like
Halloween yuppies in here.
Yeah, we eat punks
like you for breakfast.
Oh, oh, oh, I see we haven't
been flossing after every punk.
(Stanley)
Uh, we were just leaving.
What do you mean we?
I didn't break ya
in two yet.
Avast ye!
Did you hags get in here
because it's ladies night?
[instrumental music]
Come on, let's get going.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go!
Hah, back off, see?
Or you're Swiss cheese.
Uh, the-the-the pen is
mightier than the sword.
So, this is what
I do as you.
It's the voodoo I do.
thud thud thud
splosh splosh
A great first day, doc.
I'm finally putting away
those old urges.
I even met an old nerd from high
school and left him alone.
Well, I really wanted
to flush him, but I resisted.
(Chet)
'Uh, doc, I got something
I gotta take care of.'
Call you back.
Hey, big guy, that's the
worst shoe shine I've ever seen.
Ha ha ha.
thud thud
Whoa!
'What is this?'
[engine revving]
screech
I am king of the jungle.
Woo, watch out.
(Chet)
'Hey, Charlie.'
Chet! Hakuna matata,
my man! Ya made it.
Oh, I've made it alright.
Chet, whoa..
Ain't I a gasser?
Where's Stanley?
Uh, a definite maybe,
my man.
Say, Chet-Bo, did you forget
your medication
before you got dressed?
You should talk.
You look like a floor rug.
I think I'll skin you alive.
No! No, no, no, Chet!
Chet, no, oh no..
[Charlie screaming]
When you see Ipkiss, tell him
to meet me Edge City High
for a little night school.
'Yeah, night school.'
[instrumental music]
And now, these messages.
(male narrator)
And now, back to the show.
[theme music]
[whirring]
Stinkin'!
Face it, Stan-Bo.
You're stylistically challenged.
If I were you, I'd never
take off the mask.
You know, for all that style
you claim to have
your track record with women
is about as good as mine.
(Charlie)
'Psst! Stanley,
that you?'
Uh, over here.
Close enough, my man,
I'm not decent.
Charlie,
what on earth--
It's Chet!
He did this to me.
And to think, I was gonna
make him employee of the month.
Bozzack? But why did--
'Cause he knew my cool threads
outclassed his totally stupid
half green face split down
the middle getup. That's why!
Chet has the other half
of the mask.
Oh, we dance later.
We'll get even for all those
dunkings and melvins.
Now, where's Chet?
He babbled something about
meeting you Edge High tonight.
But hey, you wanna
help me out here?
I have a serious
wardrobe shortage.
Uh, I just happen
to have these on me.
Gee, thanks.
thud thud
(Stanley)
'Whoa!'
We could've driven, you know?
I get better mileage.
(Chet)
'Ipkiss!'
You have
one of these too?
There's only one
and it's mine!
Hand over that mask,
Bozzack.
The half jig is up.
No deal, nerd.
It's time for me
to expel you.
Yes, no more
Mr. Nice Guy.
[chuckling]
Yeehaw! I'm gonna
hog-tie me a half-wit. Yuhoo!
You can do
this stuff too?
You wear the mask, Bozzack.
You better know the rules.
I know the rules.
[whirring]
Touche!
Toupee!
Well come on, join the
dark side, Stanley.
Chet, give me
the mask come on.
You're not the right
personality type to wear it.
(Chet)
Are you kidding?
I haven't had so much fun since
I glued wood to your skull.
Make yourself useful
and take care of laughing boy.
ting
Eww!
Ow!
Ooh, wet willie, a classic!
Which reminds me,
it's time to even the score
for all those melvins.
Yeah.
Except I call 'em, wedgies!
[growling]
[screaming]
Anti-wedgie security system.
That kills me.
Anti-anti-wedgie
security system.
click
boom
[dog yelping]
May I recommend
baby powder for that.
May I recommend
reconstructive surgery for that.
snap
[screaming]
crash
Whoa.
That's what I call
facing the music.
ffff
In this corner, it's wrestling's
favorite tag team.
The masked Mask
and new accounts guy.
Watch out, he packs
a mean fountain pen.
You're in buddy.
- What do you want me to do?
- Never mind.
bash
Hey! Woodshop!
(Chet)
'Familiar?'
'This is where you helped
destroy me a long time ago.'
So, it's only fitting that this
is where I even the score.
screech
No!
thud
I'm gonna remove
80 pounds of nerd off you.
[grunting]
[whirring]
Hey, wait a minute,
this is going too far.
Cool it.
What?
Come on,
get into it.
Don't listen to him,
Chet. You gotta stop this.
You're outta control.
Enough!
[grunting]
Say Stan, you got any aspirin
because we are about to get
a splitting headache?
[screaming]
Ha ha. Why didn't you
do that earlier?
Sense of jeopardy.
Keeps them on
the edge of their seats.
Get this thing off of me!
Shut up, you fool.
bash
Now, wait. I haven't
even flushed him yet.
[screaming]
I don't believe it.
I will snatch
the half mask.
(Mask)
'From the big man's hand.'
Come on, come on.
Put it on quick.
We have to see
if it fuses back together.
Okay, but first,
listen up, kid
I've got something to say.
Actually,
two things to say.
[indistinct chattering]
One, I'm sorry
we never got to the Coco.
I really wanted to
teach you to dance.
(Stanley)
Write me a letter.
Ha ha ha,
and two..
...there's something
I've always wanted to give you.
What, what?
[theme music]
Half wedgie!
zap
thud thud
[intense music]
thud thud
Why?
I stared into the abyss,
Stanley. Right into it.
Yeah,
I think I did too.
I'm sorry for everything
I've done to you.
I'm gonna put the past
behind me and move on.
I'm gonna leave Edge City
and find a new future.
Well, something tells me Charlie
would agree with your decision.
Oh, Chet..
...you're fired!
Well, gotta know.
Psych!
(Mask)
Somebody stop me!
my winning smile ♪
♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪
♪ You just can't help
but stare at my savoir-faire ♪
♪ I'm nouveau Deco
Roman-Greco Rococo Barroco ♪
♪ Be-bop hip-hop flip-flop ♪
♪ Somebody stop me ♪
♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪
♪ Don't come a dime a dozen
I stand out of the crowd ♪
♪ Babe when they made me
yeah they broke the mold ♪
♪ Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined ♪
♪ Totally out of my mind ♪
♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪
♪ Had better learn
to decorate prison cells ♪
♪ Green goes with anything
if they ask see ♪
♪ Well there's one last thing
I gotta sing about ♪
♪ Open up wide
and really shout ♪
♪ Oh look out ♪
♪ This is The Mask ♪♪
Smokin'.
[instrumental music]
[grunting]
(Stanley)
Why always the silent
treatment, Walter?
Why can't
we communicate better?
Ugh!
One mask
to a customer, bub.
boing
Yikes, I'm missing
the early bird breakfast
at the Blue Bird Diner.
crash
swish swish
Whoa! Time's just whizzing by.
Ho ho! En garde!
Whither thee, my silent hulk
mine fishy snout
will cleave thy bulk.
splat
clank clank
Spring forward,
fall back.
Stanley
'Hey!'
crash
swish swish swish
Mmm-hmm,
my face is my fortune..
...and breakfast
is my religion.
Yeehaw! Time for some
bulldog gravy and biscuits.
screech
Oh, heaven help me.
Bulldog gravy and, bi-biscuits.
Aah!
Stan-man, I was about to file a
missing person's report on you.
Oh, yeah, I,
I'm s-sorry, I'm late, Charlie.
gulp
I've had a rough morning.
No kiddin'.
You look like road kill.
But put on
your best face.
I want you to meet
our new hotshot employee.
Stanley, meet Chet Bozzack.
Stanley Ipkiss, my oh my,
it's been a long time. Ha ha ha.
Ch-Ch-Chet B-Bozzack, y-you're
the new, the new employee.
You guys know each other?
(both)
We haven't seen
each other since high school.
Say, we had some swell times,
didn't we? Huh? Ha ha.
gulp
Yeah, real swell.
Stanley, oh, Chuck I'd like you
to meet my old pal, Melvin.
Ha ha ha.
[gurgling]
What's wrong,
Stanley Dipstick?
You're looking
a little flushed. Ha ha.
[whirring]
Here's my term project,
Mr. Philbert.
Stanley doorstop, ha ha.
Stanley doorstop.
Yes, Stanley doorstop,
I remember that. Ha ha.
The infamous wood shop caper.
That was the one that got me
expelled from Edge City High.
gulp
Ha, sorry about that.
Oh, ho ho! Don't be sorry.
I had it coming.
It's not right to go
around wood gluing things
to people's skulls. Ha ha.
Besides, you made
a lousy doorstop. Ha ha.
splash
Stan-man, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
I have and his name
is Chet Bozzack.
Evil clown King of Mayhem.
I thought you
two were old buddies?
No, he always blamed me for
getting expelled from school.
You know what,
Charlie?
He's holding a grudge.
I know it.
Come on, Stan.
What's he gonna do?
- Swipe your lunch money.
- No.
No, because
that's not his style.
He wants to flush me.
Ha ha, so,
he's into water sports.
The way you're talking,
you'd think
he were the mask
or something.
The mask!
boom
No!
Gosh and gollies, I was just
looking for the washroom key.
Yeah, ahem, you see,
I take my office supplies
very seriously, Chet.
(Chet)
What's with the wooden mask?
Uh, w-w-what wooden mask?
Washroom key?
Oops.
Huh, I'll get it.
Showing Chet
your organizational skills?
Come on, Stanley, let's check
out the indoor plumbing
for old times' sake. Ha ha.
I told you
he wants to flush me.
Easy, Stan, you're a ten
on the tension meter.
Yeah, like, Charlie,
I-I gotta take my break early.
[panting]
Phew! He's one guy I can't
let you get anywhere near.
Huh!
He's another.
[car honking]
(Stanley)
'Hey!'
'Not even a scratch.'
Well, guess
I'm stuck with you.
Whoa!
Ha ha, look, Walter,
no mask. Honest.
bwogg
Aah!
crash
Ha ha, good old indestructible
mask saved my bacon.
Wait a minute.
[Stanley whistles]
That Walter packs quite a punch.
Huh! Oh, I gotta find
the other half before Walter.
Oh, come on!
What am I worried about?
'It can't possibly work
if it's broken.'
Can it?
[whirring]
Smokin'!
Hey, what are you
doing here?
Oh, boy.
[instrumental music]
We'll be right back.
(male narrator)
And now back to the show.
Well, split my skull and call me
two-thirds Neapolitan.
Looks like it's half wedgie
night on the police precinct eh?
I don't believe this.
Neither do I.
Your cheap threads are
cramping my style, babe.
What'd you do with the
remaining tablecloth?
Never mind that.
I, we've gotta stop Walter.
Even half the Mask could
give him incredible powers.
Yeah, stronger words
never spoken.
But first!
What "But first" what?
(Stanley)
'Wow!'
[theme music]
The Monkey Movie Marathon.
Nine hours of fun fur
and bananas!
thud thud thud
swish
screech
Mister, that's
government property!
splash
[theme music]
Good to finally spend
some time together, huh champ?
Yeah, listen, shouldn't we be
lookin' for Walter?
Yeah, tell that
to the boys.
Well, okay.
I mean, it's not half
my face he's got.
poing
Hey stealing chocolate,
I must pay!
[whirring]
[screaming]
[panting]
Return my face now
and no one gets hurt.
Walt? Oh, well,
missed him.
Back to enjoying
our day.
sniff sniff
clang
And I'm taking it easy on you.
Till I get to the Coco Bongo!
(Stanley)
Look, don't you think it's
more important to find Walter?
Hah! Not with your rhythm,
white boy.
We gotta teach
you to dance!
[howling]
[whistles]
Don't do that.
Paws off!
Why is it everyone
wants to touch the face?
We can't let anyone
see me like this.
My, you know, secret identity's
hanging out all over the place.
Stanley! Well, well, well,
long break, huh?
Oh, I-I-I forgot to tell you.
I had a-an appointment with the
an MD, you know, a-a d-doctor.
ting
Uh, right, I, ahem, need you
to mail this important document.
Sure thing, Charlie.
'You know, Stan.'
'You oughta watch out
for that Chet.'
He covered for
your absence just fine.
In fact, he'll cover for you
tonight at the Coco Bongo.
That is unless
you're still going.
- 'Yes!'
- No!
- Yes.
- No.
Yes! Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
Well, make up your mind!
I'd say I'm definitely not sure.
Ugh! And you wonder why
you don't get promoted.
Phew! Oh, that was close.
You know, Stan
you're really underestimating
the popularity
of the Coco Bongo
salad bar, babe.
They have jicama.
For the last time, that's not
a Walter kind of hang out!
swoosh
[rock music]
Uh, no Walter here.
Let's go.
Oh no.
I like this joint.
It has character.
At least I won't see
anyone I know in here.
See you tomorrow,
Agnus.
What'll ya have?
The split pea soup.
- Just coffee for me, please.
- Yeah, me too.
Can you pour
the decaf on his side
and make the
other side regular?
Look, bud, you want a drink,
you order a man's drink!
Ooh, then make it a red hot
battery acid pile driver
with extra formaldehyde,
a dirty glass
with a black widow spider
ridin' on the olive.
We're outta olives.
Don't even think about it.
glug glug
boosh
hiss
burp
(Mask)
'Whoo!'
Hey, we don't like
Halloween yuppies in here.
Yeah, we eat punks
like you for breakfast.
Oh, oh, oh, I see we haven't
been flossing after every punk.
(Stanley)
Uh, we were just leaving.
What do you mean we?
I didn't break ya
in two yet.
Avast ye!
Did you hags get in here
because it's ladies night?
[instrumental music]
Come on, let's get going.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go!
Hah, back off, see?
Or you're Swiss cheese.
Uh, the-the-the pen is
mightier than the sword.
So, this is what
I do as you.
It's the voodoo I do.
thud thud thud
splosh splosh
A great first day, doc.
I'm finally putting away
those old urges.
I even met an old nerd from high
school and left him alone.
Well, I really wanted
to flush him, but I resisted.
(Chet)
'Uh, doc, I got something
I gotta take care of.'
Call you back.
Hey, big guy, that's the
worst shoe shine I've ever seen.
Ha ha ha.
thud thud
Whoa!
'What is this?'
[engine revving]
screech
I am king of the jungle.
Woo, watch out.
(Chet)
'Hey, Charlie.'
Chet! Hakuna matata,
my man! Ya made it.
Oh, I've made it alright.
Chet, whoa..
Ain't I a gasser?
Where's Stanley?
Uh, a definite maybe,
my man.
Say, Chet-Bo, did you forget
your medication
before you got dressed?
You should talk.
You look like a floor rug.
I think I'll skin you alive.
No! No, no, no, Chet!
Chet, no, oh no..
[Charlie screaming]
When you see Ipkiss, tell him
to meet me Edge City High
for a little night school.
'Yeah, night school.'
[instrumental music]
And now, these messages.
(male narrator)
And now, back to the show.
[theme music]
[whirring]
Stinkin'!
Face it, Stan-Bo.
You're stylistically challenged.
If I were you, I'd never
take off the mask.
You know, for all that style
you claim to have
your track record with women
is about as good as mine.
(Charlie)
'Psst! Stanley,
that you?'
Uh, over here.
Close enough, my man,
I'm not decent.
Charlie,
what on earth--
It's Chet!
He did this to me.
And to think, I was gonna
make him employee of the month.
Bozzack? But why did--
'Cause he knew my cool threads
outclassed his totally stupid
half green face split down
the middle getup. That's why!
Chet has the other half
of the mask.
Oh, we dance later.
We'll get even for all those
dunkings and melvins.
Now, where's Chet?
He babbled something about
meeting you Edge High tonight.
But hey, you wanna
help me out here?
I have a serious
wardrobe shortage.
Uh, I just happen
to have these on me.
Gee, thanks.
thud thud
(Stanley)
'Whoa!'
We could've driven, you know?
I get better mileage.
(Chet)
'Ipkiss!'
You have
one of these too?
There's only one
and it's mine!
Hand over that mask,
Bozzack.
The half jig is up.
No deal, nerd.
It's time for me
to expel you.
Yes, no more
Mr. Nice Guy.
[chuckling]
Yeehaw! I'm gonna
hog-tie me a half-wit. Yuhoo!
You can do
this stuff too?
You wear the mask, Bozzack.
You better know the rules.
I know the rules.
[whirring]
Touche!
Toupee!
Well come on, join the
dark side, Stanley.
Chet, give me
the mask come on.
You're not the right
personality type to wear it.
(Chet)
Are you kidding?
I haven't had so much fun since
I glued wood to your skull.
Make yourself useful
and take care of laughing boy.
ting
Eww!
Ow!
Ooh, wet willie, a classic!
Which reminds me,
it's time to even the score
for all those melvins.
Yeah.
Except I call 'em, wedgies!
[growling]
[screaming]
Anti-wedgie security system.
That kills me.
Anti-anti-wedgie
security system.
click
boom
[dog yelping]
May I recommend
baby powder for that.
May I recommend
reconstructive surgery for that.
snap
[screaming]
crash
Whoa.
That's what I call
facing the music.
ffff
In this corner, it's wrestling's
favorite tag team.
The masked Mask
and new accounts guy.
Watch out, he packs
a mean fountain pen.
You're in buddy.
- What do you want me to do?
- Never mind.
bash
Hey! Woodshop!
(Chet)
'Familiar?'
'This is where you helped
destroy me a long time ago.'
So, it's only fitting that this
is where I even the score.
screech
No!
thud
I'm gonna remove
80 pounds of nerd off you.
[grunting]
[whirring]
Hey, wait a minute,
this is going too far.
Cool it.
What?
Come on,
get into it.
Don't listen to him,
Chet. You gotta stop this.
You're outta control.
Enough!
[grunting]
Say Stan, you got any aspirin
because we are about to get
a splitting headache?
[screaming]
Ha ha. Why didn't you
do that earlier?
Sense of jeopardy.
Keeps them on
the edge of their seats.
Get this thing off of me!
Shut up, you fool.
bash
Now, wait. I haven't
even flushed him yet.
[screaming]
I don't believe it.
I will snatch
the half mask.
(Mask)
'From the big man's hand.'
Come on, come on.
Put it on quick.
We have to see
if it fuses back together.
Okay, but first,
listen up, kid
I've got something to say.
Actually,
two things to say.
[indistinct chattering]
One, I'm sorry
we never got to the Coco.
I really wanted to
teach you to dance.
(Stanley)
Write me a letter.
Ha ha ha,
and two..
...there's something
I've always wanted to give you.
What, what?
[theme music]
Half wedgie!
zap
thud thud
[intense music]
thud thud
Why?
I stared into the abyss,
Stanley. Right into it.
Yeah,
I think I did too.
I'm sorry for everything
I've done to you.
I'm gonna put the past
behind me and move on.
I'm gonna leave Edge City
and find a new future.
Well, something tells me Charlie
would agree with your decision.
Oh, Chet..
...you're fired!
Well, gotta know.
Psych!
(Mask)
Somebody stop me!