The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 7 - Like Hi, Explosives - full transcript
In the store truck, Ducky and Maynard crash through a police barricade. The reason they ignored the barricade?: a girl. The girl in question is Mrs. Osborne's niece Victoria, Dobie's current girlfriend. The emergency?: Dunky and Maynard have to get $25 to Dobie at the Osborne country estate so that he can take Victoria out on a date. The reason for the barricade?: to stop specifically Dunky and Maynard, who are unaware that they have a highly explosive cannister of nitroglycerin in the truck, the slightest unexpected jolt which could accidentally set it off.
- WATCH IT! HERE THEY COME!
DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES!
THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS!
WE'D ALL GET KILLED!
- HEY, WHAT'S THAT
IN FRONT OF US?
- THE WINDSHIELD.
- COPS!
- OH, SO IT'S A FEW COPS. COPS!
OH, QUICK, DUNKIE, YOU
GOTTA TURN AROUND!
- NEVER! WE'RE GOING THROUGH!
- GET ON THE RADIO AND
CALL HEADQUARTERS!
THIS IS A MAJOR EMERGENCY!
THESE MANIACS ARE GONNA
WIPE OUT THE WHOLE STATE!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS IS MY KID
COUSIN DUNCAN GILLIS,
AND THIS IS MY FRIEND
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH.
DO THEY LOOK LIKE CRIMINALS?
BOY, I'VE GOT TO GET
RID OF THIS PICTURE.
IT'S KILLING MY POINT.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
IS HOW DID THOSE TWO FINE,
UPSTANDING FACES ON THE FLOOR
GET MIXED UP IN THAT GETAWAY
SCENE FROM "THE UNTOUCHABLES"?
YOU GUESSED IT, A
WOMAN. IT NEVER FAILS.
WHENEVER THERE'S TROUBLE,
THE TROUBLEMAKER IS A
MEMBER OF THE GENTLE SEX.
- GILLIS, I ORDER YOU TO
BRING MISS VICTORIA HOME
EARLY TONIGHT.
NO LOLLYGAGGING
ON THE FRONT PORCH.
I SHALL BE WATCHING
FROM THE BALCONY
WITH A POT OF BOILING OIL.
- YES, MA'AM.
WE'RE JUST GOING
TO THE PEABODY ROOF
FOR A LITTLE DINING AND DANCING.
- I KNOW YOUR FAMILY'S FINANCES
AND I PREDICT MUCH
DANCING, VERY LITTLE DINING.
- WE WON'T BE LEAVING FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS YET, DOBIE.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE
COURTS AND PLAY SOME TENNIS.
- A SMASHING IDEA! I
AGAINST THE TWO OF YOU.
I'LL RUN YOUR LEGS
OFF, YOU SOFTIES!
- YOU WON'T HAVE
TIME TO PLAY, MADAM.
YOU HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT AT YOUR BANK.
- OH, YES.
I HAVE TO FORECLOSE
SOME MORTGAGES,
THROW A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT ON THE STREET.
- OH, WELL, BUSINESS
BEFORE PLEASURE.
- OR VICE VERSA.
OH, MICE AND RATS,
NO TENNIS TODAY.
- IT'S ALL FOR THE
BEST, MRS. OSBORNE.
I MEAN, I HAVE A PRETTY
POWERFUL FOREHAND.
THAT'S ON ACCOUNT I'VE
GOT THE STRONGEST BICEP
IN THE WHOLE SOPHOMORE CLASS.
- OH, TREMBLEY!
PUT UP OR SHUT UP,
BOY. I'M CHALLENGING YOU.
- HUH?
- LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTING.
$50 TO THE WINNER.
- EH, LOOK, MRS. OSBORNE...
- OH, ALL RIGHT, 25, YOU COWARD.
I'LL GIVE YOU TWO-TO-ONE ODDS.
- YES, DON'T WORRY,
VICTORIA, MY DEAR.
I WON'T HURT HER.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, GO.
- THAT'S $50 YOU OWE ME, DOPIE.
- THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
I WASN'T EVEN READY
AND, AT THE MOMENT,
I'VE ONLY GOT $24.
- I'LL TAKE IT!
BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU
WILL SIGN A PROMISSORY NOTE
FOR THE BALANCE AT 25% INTEREST.
THIS WILL TEACH YOU NOT
TO PLAY WITH THE BIG KIDS.
♪ BOOLA-BOOLA BOOLA-BOOLA ♪
- SNAP OUT OF IT, DOBIE.
JUST LOOK AHEAD TO THE WONDERFUL
EVENING WE'RE GOING TO HAVE.
- OF COURSE, MY ANGEL.
DINING AND DANCING
AT THE PEABODY ROOF
AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN, I REMEMBERED
I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
I MEAN, WE ARE GOING OUT ON
THE TOWN TONIGHT, AREN'T WE?
- VICTORIA, MY SWEET,
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SPEND THE EVENING
TAKING A LOVELY
WALK ALONG THE RIVER?
- DOBIE, MY SWEET,
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
NO.
- NO, HUH?
- NOW I'M GOING TO
CHANGE MY CLOTHES
AND I'LL HAVE NO MORE
OF THIS NONSENSE.
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
- AS CLEAR AS AN EMPTY WALLET.
- DID YOU PUT THE
SIGN ON THE DOOR
THAT SAYS "OUT TO LUNCH"?
- I DONE EVEN BETTER. I PUT
ONE THAT SAYS CHICKEN POX.
HEY, GO OUT FOR A PASS.
FURTHER! FURTHER!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- HEY! HEY! I'LL
GET IT! I'LL GET IT!
'CAUSE I'M JAMES AMY
AT SPOOFING CUSTOMERS!
HELLO? THIS IS JOE THE BOOKIE.
SORRY I CAN'T TALK TO
YOU NOW, FELLA CROOK,
'CAUSE I'M DISLEGAL.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S ILLEGAL,
AND STOP HORSING AROUND!
- I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TALK
TO YOU ABOUT HORSES...
HEY, DOBE, IS THAT YOU?
- YOU BET IT'S ME AND,
MAYNARD, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
- HEY, GOOD BUDDY, HOW
COME YOU'RE CALLING A BOOKIE?
I DIDN'T THINK YOU
WERE THAT TYPE OF GUY.
- MAYNARD, PAY ATTENTION.
I'M AT THE OSBORNE
COUNTRY ESTATE
AND YOU'VE GOTTA
BRING ME $25 IMMEDIATELY.
I'M DESPERATE.
- YOU'RE DESPERATE
AND I'M KREBS.
THE ONLY TIME I HAD $25,
THERE WAS A PICTURE OF
CAPTAIN KANGAROO ON IT.
- DOBIE, DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL GET THE $25 TO YOU!
OF COURSE, IT'LL
TAKE US A FEW HOURS
TO GET IT TO THE OSBORNE ESTATE,
BUT DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL GET IT TO YOU.
- DUNCAN, DON'T LET ME DOWN!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO
SELL MAYNARD AT A RUMMAGE SALE,
JUST GET ME THE DOUGH.
I'M COUNTING ON YOU!
- HEY, MAYNIE, HOW WE
GONNA GET THE LOOT FOR HIM?
HE MUST REALLY NEED IT BAD.
- HEY! HOW'S ABOUT
WE ROB A BANK?
- NO, MAYNIE.
- WHY NOT? JAMES
CAGNEY DOES EVERY NIGHT
IN THE LATE, LATE MOVIE.
- I GOT IT! THE CASH REGISTER!
- TAKE MONEY FROM
THE CASH REGISTER
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS?
SURELY YOU JEST!
- OH, NO, MAYNIE. THERE'S
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- OH, NO, DUNKIE, NO.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE.
- WELL, IT'S OKAY, MAYNIE.
UNCLE HERBIE TRUSTS ME.
[ALARMS SOUND]
- OOH, YOU GOT OFF LUCKY, KID.
MR. G. USED TO KEEP
AN ALLIGATOR IN THERE
UNTIL HE ATE THE MAILMAN.
- WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT
ANOTHER WAY TO GET THE 25 BUCKS.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT I SELL
MY BRAIN TO SCIENCE?
I JUST HOLD UP MY END
OF THE CONVERSATION.
BOY, DOBIE SURE IS SANK.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S SUNK,
AND YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
- SANK?
- SUNK.
- SANK, SUNK, HE SURE IS.
- YEAH, HE SURE IS.
- I WAS NOT!
SUNK, I MEAN.
BUT CIRCUMSTANCES WERE PILING UP
THAT COULD BLOW THE
LID OFF THE WHOLE STATE.
THIS IS McGINTY, A FELLOW
WHO DRIVES A TRUCK
AND COMES INTO THE STORE
TO USE THE TELEPHONE.
- GEE, MARGE
BABY, I CAN'T HELP IT.
LOOK, I'VE GOTTA GO
TO THE WAREHOUSE
AND PICK UP THIS
CRUMMY WEEDKILLER
THAT I GOTTA DELIVER TO
SOME CRUMMY GOLF COURSE.
LOOK, DON'T GET MAD, MARGE BABY.
YOU KNOW, I'D GIVE
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD
TO KEEP MY DATE
WITH YOU, ANYTHING!
- THIS IS MARGE BABY.
NOW YOU KNOW WHY
McGINTY WOULD GIVE ANYTHING
TO KEEP HIS DATE
WITH HER, ANYTHING.
- WOULD YOU GIVE 25 BUCKS?
- IT'S A DEAL!
- THAT'S HOW COME ONE
TRUCK DRIVER PLUS MARGE BABY
LED DUNKIE AND MAYNARD
TO THE BRINK OF DISASTER,
INTO THIS VERY NERVOUS
FELLA AT THE WAREHOUSE.
- BARNES AND HENRY SHIPPING.
WAIT, I'LL CHECK.
YEAH, YOUR WEEDKILLER'S
ALL PACKED AND READY TO GO.
THE TRUCK WILL BE
HERE FOR IT ANY MINUTE.
- WE CAME TO PICK UP THAT
SHIPMENT OF NITROGLYCERINE
FOR THE ROAD-BUILDING CREW.
- OH, GOOD!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU GUYS!
YOU KNOW, THAT EXPLOSIVE
STUFF SITTING OUT THERE
GIVES ME THE CREEPS!
I SPENT THE WHOLE
MORNING MAKING OUT MY WILL!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WAIT A
MINUTE! DON'T TOUCH IT!
I WANNA GO BACK AND DOUBLE
MY HOSPITAL INSURANCE!
- LEAVE IT OUT, CHARLIE!
NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN.
WE BEEN HANDLING THIS
HOT STUFF FOR YEARS.
OF COURSE, THERE
USED TO BE FOUR OF US.
OKAY, LET'S GET
THIS ON THE TRUCK
AND WATCH THAT HAND, BOY.
THE DOCTOR SAYS
IT'LL BE ANOTHER YEAR
BEFORE YOU CAN USE
THOSE FINGERS AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, THIS
NITRO'S TRICKY STUFF.
SOMETIMES YOU COULDN'T SET
IT OFF WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
AND SOMETIMES
JUST BREATHING ON IT
COULD BLOW US ALL
11 MILES STRAIGHT UP.
- WELL, I'M GLAD THEY SENT A
COUPLE OF CAREFUL GUYS LIKE YOU
TO HANDLE IT,
NOT SOME WILD, HAREBRAINED NUT.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HEY, MY WEED KILLER!
- WATCH IT, YOU NUMBSKULL!
- WELL, YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T
HAVE GONE TO ALL THAT TROUBLE.
I'M STRONG.
I CAN CARRY IT ALL BY MY LONELY!
WELL, MY MOTHER LOVES ME ANYHOW.
- HOW COME EVERYBODY'S
RUNNING, MAYNIE?
YOU WEREN'T DOING YOUR
DRACULA IMITATION AGAIN, WERE YOU?
- NO, I THINK IT HAD
SOMETHING TO DO
WITH MY PARTICULAR
KIND OF PERSONALITY.
IT'S CALLED REPULSIVE.
- COME ON. WE GOTTA
GET THIS LOOT TO DOBIE.
- LIKE, RIGHT!
I'M GONNA HOLD ONTO THIS CAN
LIKE MY LIFE WAS
SUSPENDED ON IT!
- THAT'S DEPENDENT,
AND HURRY UP.
WE GOT A LONG DRIVE AND
THE ROADS ARE PRETTY ROTTEN.
- THAT'S OKAY, 'CAUSE
SO'S YOUR DRIVING.
- YOU GUYS ARE A
FOUR-WHEEL AMMUNITION DUMP!
STOP!
- ONE LITTLE JOLT
AND YOU'LL BE IN ORBIT!
THE WHOLE STATE
WILL BE IN ORBIT!
- I'LL CALL THE STATE
POLICE! THEY'LL CATCH THEM!
- THEY'D BETTER MOVE FAST
OR THEY'LL HAVE TO CATCH
THEM WITH A WHISK BROOM
AND A BLOTTER.
- A TRUCKLOAD OF NITROGLYCERINE
ROLLING THROUGH TOWN?
WAIT!
NOW HEAR THIS, ALL STATIONS!
EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!
THIS IS A GENERAL ALARM!
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A
1941 PANEL DELIVERY TRUCK
LOADED WITH HIGH EXPLOSIVES.
ALL CITIZENS KEEP OFF STREETS!
THE TRUCK IS DESCRIBED
AS A DISREPUTABLE, RICKETY,
BEAT-UP WRECK!
THE SAME DESCRIPTION SEEMS
TO FIT ONE OF THE DRIVERS.
- AND THEN THERE WAS MY UNCLE
WHO WASN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
HE USED TO GO SWIMMING
WHERE THE SHARKS WAS.
WE CALLED HIM SHORTY.
LET'S TURN ON THE RADIO
AND GET SOME MUSIC.
OH, AND THAT REMINDS
ME. I'M HUNGRY.
- HOW COME MUSIC ON THE RADIO
REMINDS YOU YOU'RE HUNGRY?
- 'CAUSE I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS
AND EVERYTHING
REMINDS ME I'M HUNGRY.
- ATTENTION! ATTENTION,
ALL LISTENERS, ATTENTION!
THIS IS VITAL.
WE SWITCH YOU TO STATE
POLICE HEADQUARTERS
FOR THE LATEST BULLETIN ON THE
MISSING NITROGLYCERINE TRUCK!
TAKE IT AWAY, HEADQUARTERS!
[RADIO FEEDBACK]
- HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
- B-FLAT.
LET'S GET A BETTER NOTE.
[JAZZ]
OH, THAT'S WHAT I DIG, MOZART.
- WE INTERRUPT OUR
SCHEDULED PROGRAM
TO BRING YOU ANOTHER EMERGENCY
BULLETIN FROM THE STATE POLICE.
THE DRIVERS OF THE TRUCK
CARRYING THE NITROGLYCERIN
DO NOT KNOW THEY ARE
CARRYING THIS DEADLY CARGO.
- YEAH, THAT GUY WITH THE BEARD
LOOKED LIKE HE
DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING!
- THOSE GUYS ARE A
TRAVELING DISASTER AREA!
ALL IT TAKES IS
ONE LITTLE BOUNCE!
- THE TRUCK HAS JUST
BEEN SEEN MOVING NORTH
THROUGH THE
FACTORY AREA OF TOWN.
WARNING! IF YOU
SPOT THIS VEHICLE,
APPROACH IT WITH
EXTREME CAUTION.
ONE WRONG MOVE COULD
DESTROY THIS ENTIRE CITY.
- RIDICULOUS. MADAM
WOULD NEVER ALLOW IT.
- REPEAT: TO ALL
POLICE PERSONNEL,
USE EXTREME CAUTION
WHEN APPROACHING TRUCK.
NITROGLYCERIN IS
HIGHLY SENSITIVE.
ANYTHING MIGHT EXPLODE IT,
HEAT, A STRONG
JOLT, SUDDEN STOP.
- STOP THE TRUCK! STOP!
- STOP? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S WRONG, MAYNIE?
- I'M HUNGRY.
- NO!
WE'RE NOT STOPPING FOR FOOD
TILL WE GET THIS LOOT TO DOBIE,
AND THAT'S FINAL!
- NO, THAT'S STARVATION.
THE ONLY THING I HAD
TO EAT SINCE BREAKFAST
HAS BEEN LUNCH AND
DINNER AND A FEW SNACKS.
- NO! WE GOT A JOB TO
DO AND WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
AND NOTHING, I REPEAT,
NOTHING IS GONNA STOP US.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
I AM DUNCAN GILLIS
AND YOU ARE LOVELY.
- DUNCAN GILLIS, GET
LOST. YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
- WELL, WHAT IS YOUR TYPE?
- I GO FOR ATHLETES AND YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU GOT TWO LEFT FEET.
SLAKE OFF, WALDO!
- DO YOU HEAR THAT? SHE
LIKES ATHLETES, MAYNARD!
- YEAH. WHERE WE GONNA FIND ONE?
- I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, MY DEAR,
I AM CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL'S
HOTTEST BACKFIELD PROSPECT.
- ALSO THEIR BIGGEST LIAR.
- YOU'RE A FOOTBALL PLAYER?
SHOW ME, TIGER, SHOW ME.
- YOU SPEAK, I OBEY.
THROW ME A PASS, MAYNARD.
THAT BAG.
- OH, YEAH, SURE.
JUST LIKE MICKEY MARIS.
HEY, DUNKIE, THAT
LITTLE CHICK WAS RIGHT.
YOU DO HAVE TWO LEFT FEET.
YOUR NOSE AIN'T
THE GREATEST EITHER.
- OH, NEVER MIND.
OH, IT'S THE SADDEST
DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'VE LOST HER.
- WHAT ARE YOU KICKING ABOUT? I
DIDN'T EVEN THROW A TOUCHDOWN!
- EMERGENCY ALERT!
STAY OFF STREETS!
SEEK COVER IMMEDIATELY!
AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
THE TRUCK MAY BE HURTLING
TOWARD A FLAMING DISASTER!
- I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG!
THE PROPELLER FELL OFF!
- NO, IT'S JUST OVER-HEATED!
AFTER ALL, WE'VE
DRIVEN 10 MILES.
- YEAH, STAND BACK.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- I'M GONNA PUT THE FIRE OUT.
I'M GONNA POUR THIS
HERE WEEDKILLER IN THERE.
- THINK IT'LL WORK?
- NO. DO YOU?
- NO. WE BETTER JUST
WAIT TILL IT COOLS OFF.
- WE MIGHT HAVE TO
WAIT A COUPLE OF YEARS.
- THE CITY IS IN A
VIRTUAL STATE OF SIEGE.
EVERY AVAILABLE MAN
AND PIECE OF EQUIPMENT
HAS BEEN THROWN INTO THE
SEARCH FOR THE NITRO KNOTHEADS.
- ATTENTION, THIS IS
A GRAVE EMERGENCY.
EVERY CITIZEN MUST BE WARNED.
OUR ENTIRE COMMUNITY
IS IN GRAVE DANGER.
REPEAT, KEEP OFF STREETS!
- MAN, THAT SURE IS A
FUNNY SOUNDING AIRPLANE.
MOST OF THEM GO...
- THAT'S NOT AN AIRPLANE.
THAT'S AN ENGINE!
- NO, KID, AN ENGINE GOES "WHITE
MAN SPEAK WITH FORKED TONGUE"
AND THEN HE GOES...
- A TRAIN ENGINE!
- SO?
- TRAINS RUN ON TRACKS!
- SO?
- THOSE ARE TRACKS.
- SO, BYE!
- WAIT! WE GOTTA SAVE THE TRUCK!
- NO, ALL WE GOTTA
SAVE IS ME, SO BYE!
LOOK, KID, THIS AIN'T FAIR.
YOU'RE SMALLER THAN ME.
- COME ON, HELP ME PUSH!
HOW CLOSE IS IT, MAYNIE?
- ABANDON SHIP!
- MAYNARD, WHY WON'T
THE DARN THING MOVE?
- DID YOU TAKE IT OUT OF
GEAR AND PUT IT IN NATURAL?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
NEUTRAL, AND NO.
PUSH, MAYNARD.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
- MAYNIE, YOU SAVED THE TRUCK!
- YEAH, AND THERE ARE THOSE
WHO SAY I'M NOT TOO BRIGHT.
- WHO'D DARE SAY SUCH A THING?
- WELL, STARTING ALPHABETICALLY
FROM THE BEGINNING
OF THE ALPHABET,
THERE'S MRS. ZABOSGOT,
DR. ZIMMER, MRS. ZABO...
- EVERY PERSON IN THE AREA
HAS BEEN ALERTED TO THE DANGER.
THE STREETS ARE DESERTED.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT ANY HUMAN
BEING OVER THE AGE OF THREE
IS NOT AWARE THAT TODAY MAY BE
A DAY OF UNBELIEVABLE DISASTER.
- TODAY'S THE LOVELIEST
DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- IT WON'T BE IF YOU TRY
TO WORM YOUR WAY OUT
OF TAKING ME TO THE
PEABODY ROOF TONIGHT.
- PERISH FORBID, MY SWEET.
THAT MATTER'S
WELL TAKEN CARE OF.
NOTHING CAN STOP US.
- STOP!
THIS IS AN APPEAL TO THE DRIVERS
OF THE NITROGLYCERIN TRUCK
FROM THE MAYOR OF OUR CITY.
STOP! WHEREVER YOU ARE!
WITNESSES HAVE PROVIDED
DESCRIPTIONS OF THE TWO DRIVERS.
ONE APPEARS TO BE
ABOUT 16 YEARS OLD,
BUT HE HAS THE MANNER
OF A HARDENED CRIMINAL.
SO HE IS PROBABLY A
WELL-PRESERVED MIDGET.
HIS ACCOMPLICE IS THIN,
CLUMSY AND STOOPED.
CORRECTION, THAT'S STUPID.
WEARS A BEARD, A SWEATSHIRT
AND A VACANT EXPRESSION.
- HMMM.
- THEY'RE DRIVING A
TRUCK BEARING THE NAME
GILLIS GROCERIES.
- GILLIS GROCERY? BEARDED?
STUPID? WELL PRESERVED MIDGET?
MAYNARD AND DUNKIE,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
- THEY HAVE ENDANGERED
THOUSANDS OF LIVES BY THEIR BEHAVIOR.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE DONE.
- ENOUGH ALREADY
WITH YOUR OPINIONS!
JUST REPORT THE FACTS!
THIS IS A CATASTROPHE.
I'VE GOTTA GET TO THE POLICE.
- NITROGLYCERIN, HUH?
THAT STUFF IS DYNAMITE!
- WHEREVER MAYNARD GOES,
HIS TRANSISTOR RADIO
IS SURE TO FOLLOW.
IF THE POLICE WOULD
ONLY LET ME BROADCAST!
- WE HAVE NO TIME FOR THAT.
WE'LL BROADCAST FROM HERE!
- A COMPLETE RADIO STATION?
- YES, AN OLD GENTLEMAN
BUILT THIS FOR FATHER,
AN ITALIAN, NAME
OF, UH, MARCONI.
NOW HEAR THIS, YOU
NASTY BOYS! NOW HEAR THIS!
I, MRS. CHATSWORTH OSBORNE,
SR., ORDER YOU, I REPEAT, ORDER YOU!
GET OUT OF THAT
TRUCK THIS INSTANT!
DO YOU HEAR?
I ORDER YOU TO STOP
ENDANGERING HELPLESS WOMEN,
INNOCENT CHILDREN
AND MY LANDHOLDINGS!
NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER!
- MAN, THESE SOAP OPERAS
GET SADDER ALL THE TIME.
- FELLAS, STOP
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
BEFORE YOU BLOW UP
EVERYBODY! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!
- MAN, WHAT A LOUSY ACTOR.
- WHO'S THAT VOICE? I
RECOGNIZE THAT VOICE.
- YEAH, IT WAS ME. LISTEN.
MAN, WHAT A LOUSY ACTOR.
- YOU SCOUNDRELS IN THAT
TRUCK, STOP AND GET OUT AT ONCE!
IF YOU SO MUCH AS HIT
ONE TINY BUMP IN THE ROAD,
THERE'LL BE A
SHATTERING EXPERIENCE!
- FLAT AS A PANCAKE!
- OH, ONLY AT THE BOTTOM.
THE REST OF IT'S OKAY.
- GET THE SPARE.
[BREAK WHISTLE SOUNDS]
- CITIZENS ARE URGED
TO LEAVE CITY AT ONCE.
GET AWAY FROM DANGER AREAS.
CITIZENS, LEAVE
CITY IMMEDIATELY!
POLICE CARS AND HELICOPTERS
ARE COMBING THE ENTIRE AREA
ALL THE WAY TO THE LAKE.
THERE'S NO FURTHER
SIGHTINGS OF THE TRUCK.
SQUADS 11, 23 AND 44 WILL SET
UP ROADBLOCKS IMMEDIATELY
AT STRATEGIC CORNERS.
IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT
THE TRUCK BE STOPPED!
- HEY, MAYNIE, I'M WORRIED.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
- OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST
TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY.
- I DON'T HAVE A
DRIVER'S LICENSE.
- OH, THAT'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- YEAH, BUT IF THE COPS SPOT
US, THEY'LL THROW US IN THE CLINK.
- OH, THAT'S SOMETHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- YEAH, AND IF UNCLE
HERBIE FINDS OUT,
BREAD AND WATERSVILLE.
WE WON'T GET THE LOOT TO DOBIE!
- HEY, DRIVING WITHOUT
A LICENSE IS A BIG CRIME.
YOU CAN GET SIX MONTHS
IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
- HEY, MAYNIE, YOU DRIVE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? I BEEN
TURNED DOWN FOR A LICENSE
46 TIMES IN THE LAST SIX YEARS.
- WELL, THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO KEEP ONE EYE OPEN FOR COPS.
- YEAH. HEY, I'LL KEEP
BOTH EYES OPEN.
I'M VERY ALERT.
- COPS!
- OH, SO WHAT'S A
FEW COPS? COPS!
OH, QUICK, DUNKIE, YOU
GOTTA TURN AROUND!
- NEVER! WE'RE GOING THROUGH!
- THE DEATH TRUCK HAS JUST
BROKEN THROUGH THE ROADBLOCK
AT 14th AND HARLAND!
ATTENTION ALL STATIONS!
TAKE NO CHANCES! THESE
MEN ARE DANGEROUS!
THE TRUCK MUST BE STOPPED!
- NOW HEAR THIS! NOW HEAR THIS!
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHEREVER YOU ARE,
WHATEVER YOU ARE,
STOP AT ONCE!
- AUNTIE, IT'S HOPELESS.
- OH, I'M AFRAID SO.
HOWEVER, THIS
MARCONI CONTRAPTION
HASN'T BEEN ENTIRELY USELESS.
ACCORDING TO THIS MACHINE,
THE KAISER HAS JUST
SURRENDERED TO GENERAL PERSHING.
- DUNKIE AND MAYNARD
HAVE GONE UP IN SMOKE
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO STARE INTO THE FACE OF
UTTER, COMPLETE, DISMAL DISASTER.
- YOU RANG?
- MAYNARD!
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO GLAD TO
SEE ANYBODY IN MY WHOLE LIFE!
- GLORIOSKY! YOU MUST
HAVE REALLY BEEN BROKE!
- NO. I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE NITRO YOU PICKED UP
AT THAT CHEMICAL PLANT.
- NITRO? YOU MEAN
THIS HERE WEEDKILLER?
- YOU STILL GOT IT?
- EVERYBODY FREEZE!
- OH, I GET IT!
IT'S LIKE A GAME,
LIKE LIVING STATUES!
OH BOY, OH BOY, OH
BOY! YOU MOVED, MRS. O.!
[SCREAMS]
SO DID YOU, GIRL.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
GIVE ME TH-THAT.
- TH-THIS?
- TH-THAT.
- S-SURE.
[SCREAMS]
- OH, I GET IT! IT'S
ANOTHER GAME.
WHEN I DO THIS... [SCREAMS]
EVERYBODY SCREAMS. OH, BOY!
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
GIVE ME THAT CAN.
YEAH, MRS. OSBORNE,
HOW DEEP IS THE
WELL IN THAT PATIO?
- NO ONE REALLY KNOWS.
WE STOPPED DIGGING WHEN WE
HEARD CHINESE COMMUNITY SINGING.
- I'D SAY THAT'S DEEP ENOUGH.
- HEY, DON'T NOBODY
WANNA PLAY KICK THE CAN
'CAUSE WE ALREADY GOT THE CAN.
- MADAM, I'D LIKE TO
SUBMIT MY RESIGNATION
AND GO BACK TO MY OLD JOB,
GETTING SHOT OUT OF A CANNON.
- TREMBLEY, GET
ME MY EIGHT IRON.
- OH, MADAM, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO PRACTICE GOLF NOW, ARE YOU?
- NO, I AM GOING TO BEAN-BALL
THAT BEANHEAD, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
RIGHT FROM HERE.
- GO, GO, GO, GO, MADAM!
- OOPS, MADAM, I
THINK YOU SLICED A BIT.
OH, MADAM!
[EXPLOSION]
- WHEN WE OSBORNES
HAVE A DISASTER,
BY GEORGE, WE HAVE A DISASTER!
- MRS. OSBORNE, THAT
TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION,
IT DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH
ANYTHING IN HERE!
- IT WOULDN'T DARE!
THIS IS OSBORNE PROPERTY.
- MADAM, LOOK!
OBSERVE WHAT THE
EXPLOSION HAS WROUGHT!
- GREAT SCOTT! IT'S
BOOMTOWN ALTOGETHER!
ANOTHER OIL GUSHER!
OH, IT'LL TURN OSBORNE
MANOR INTO A SOGGY GREASE PIT!
- GEE, MRS. OSBORNE, I'M SORRY.
OUR INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.
- MINE WEREN'T.
- RELAX, BOYS. YOU'VE
DONE ME A GREAT FAVOR.
IN BEHALF OF THE BUREAU OF
INTERNAL REVENUE AND MYSELF,
I THANK YOU.
- MADAM, IT'S BLACK GOLD!
- HIGH-TEST, FINEST QUALITY!
TREMBLEY, GET ME MY TIN HAT!
WE'LL RIG AND WORK THE NIGHT!
- YES, MADAM.
- MAYNIE, YOU'RE A HERO.
- YES, I AM, AMEN'T I?
DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES!
THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS!
WE'D ALL GET KILLED!
- HEY, WHAT'S THAT
IN FRONT OF US?
- THE WINDSHIELD.
- COPS!
- OH, SO IT'S A FEW COPS. COPS!
OH, QUICK, DUNKIE, YOU
GOTTA TURN AROUND!
- NEVER! WE'RE GOING THROUGH!
- GET ON THE RADIO AND
CALL HEADQUARTERS!
THIS IS A MAJOR EMERGENCY!
THESE MANIACS ARE GONNA
WIPE OUT THE WHOLE STATE!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS IS MY KID
COUSIN DUNCAN GILLIS,
AND THIS IS MY FRIEND
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH.
DO THEY LOOK LIKE CRIMINALS?
BOY, I'VE GOT TO GET
RID OF THIS PICTURE.
IT'S KILLING MY POINT.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
IS HOW DID THOSE TWO FINE,
UPSTANDING FACES ON THE FLOOR
GET MIXED UP IN THAT GETAWAY
SCENE FROM "THE UNTOUCHABLES"?
YOU GUESSED IT, A
WOMAN. IT NEVER FAILS.
WHENEVER THERE'S TROUBLE,
THE TROUBLEMAKER IS A
MEMBER OF THE GENTLE SEX.
- GILLIS, I ORDER YOU TO
BRING MISS VICTORIA HOME
EARLY TONIGHT.
NO LOLLYGAGGING
ON THE FRONT PORCH.
I SHALL BE WATCHING
FROM THE BALCONY
WITH A POT OF BOILING OIL.
- YES, MA'AM.
WE'RE JUST GOING
TO THE PEABODY ROOF
FOR A LITTLE DINING AND DANCING.
- I KNOW YOUR FAMILY'S FINANCES
AND I PREDICT MUCH
DANCING, VERY LITTLE DINING.
- WE WON'T BE LEAVING FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS YET, DOBIE.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE
COURTS AND PLAY SOME TENNIS.
- A SMASHING IDEA! I
AGAINST THE TWO OF YOU.
I'LL RUN YOUR LEGS
OFF, YOU SOFTIES!
- YOU WON'T HAVE
TIME TO PLAY, MADAM.
YOU HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT AT YOUR BANK.
- OH, YES.
I HAVE TO FORECLOSE
SOME MORTGAGES,
THROW A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT ON THE STREET.
- OH, WELL, BUSINESS
BEFORE PLEASURE.
- OR VICE VERSA.
OH, MICE AND RATS,
NO TENNIS TODAY.
- IT'S ALL FOR THE
BEST, MRS. OSBORNE.
I MEAN, I HAVE A PRETTY
POWERFUL FOREHAND.
THAT'S ON ACCOUNT I'VE
GOT THE STRONGEST BICEP
IN THE WHOLE SOPHOMORE CLASS.
- OH, TREMBLEY!
PUT UP OR SHUT UP,
BOY. I'M CHALLENGING YOU.
- HUH?
- LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTING.
$50 TO THE WINNER.
- EH, LOOK, MRS. OSBORNE...
- OH, ALL RIGHT, 25, YOU COWARD.
I'LL GIVE YOU TWO-TO-ONE ODDS.
- YES, DON'T WORRY,
VICTORIA, MY DEAR.
I WON'T HURT HER.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, GO.
- THAT'S $50 YOU OWE ME, DOPIE.
- THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
I WASN'T EVEN READY
AND, AT THE MOMENT,
I'VE ONLY GOT $24.
- I'LL TAKE IT!
BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU
WILL SIGN A PROMISSORY NOTE
FOR THE BALANCE AT 25% INTEREST.
THIS WILL TEACH YOU NOT
TO PLAY WITH THE BIG KIDS.
♪ BOOLA-BOOLA BOOLA-BOOLA ♪
- SNAP OUT OF IT, DOBIE.
JUST LOOK AHEAD TO THE WONDERFUL
EVENING WE'RE GOING TO HAVE.
- OF COURSE, MY ANGEL.
DINING AND DANCING
AT THE PEABODY ROOF
AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN, I REMEMBERED
I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
I MEAN, WE ARE GOING OUT ON
THE TOWN TONIGHT, AREN'T WE?
- VICTORIA, MY SWEET,
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SPEND THE EVENING
TAKING A LOVELY
WALK ALONG THE RIVER?
- DOBIE, MY SWEET,
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
NO.
- NO, HUH?
- NOW I'M GOING TO
CHANGE MY CLOTHES
AND I'LL HAVE NO MORE
OF THIS NONSENSE.
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
- AS CLEAR AS AN EMPTY WALLET.
- DID YOU PUT THE
SIGN ON THE DOOR
THAT SAYS "OUT TO LUNCH"?
- I DONE EVEN BETTER. I PUT
ONE THAT SAYS CHICKEN POX.
HEY, GO OUT FOR A PASS.
FURTHER! FURTHER!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- HEY! HEY! I'LL
GET IT! I'LL GET IT!
'CAUSE I'M JAMES AMY
AT SPOOFING CUSTOMERS!
HELLO? THIS IS JOE THE BOOKIE.
SORRY I CAN'T TALK TO
YOU NOW, FELLA CROOK,
'CAUSE I'M DISLEGAL.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S ILLEGAL,
AND STOP HORSING AROUND!
- I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TALK
TO YOU ABOUT HORSES...
HEY, DOBE, IS THAT YOU?
- YOU BET IT'S ME AND,
MAYNARD, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
- HEY, GOOD BUDDY, HOW
COME YOU'RE CALLING A BOOKIE?
I DIDN'T THINK YOU
WERE THAT TYPE OF GUY.
- MAYNARD, PAY ATTENTION.
I'M AT THE OSBORNE
COUNTRY ESTATE
AND YOU'VE GOTTA
BRING ME $25 IMMEDIATELY.
I'M DESPERATE.
- YOU'RE DESPERATE
AND I'M KREBS.
THE ONLY TIME I HAD $25,
THERE WAS A PICTURE OF
CAPTAIN KANGAROO ON IT.
- DOBIE, DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL GET THE $25 TO YOU!
OF COURSE, IT'LL
TAKE US A FEW HOURS
TO GET IT TO THE OSBORNE ESTATE,
BUT DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL GET IT TO YOU.
- DUNCAN, DON'T LET ME DOWN!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO
SELL MAYNARD AT A RUMMAGE SALE,
JUST GET ME THE DOUGH.
I'M COUNTING ON YOU!
- HEY, MAYNIE, HOW WE
GONNA GET THE LOOT FOR HIM?
HE MUST REALLY NEED IT BAD.
- HEY! HOW'S ABOUT
WE ROB A BANK?
- NO, MAYNIE.
- WHY NOT? JAMES
CAGNEY DOES EVERY NIGHT
IN THE LATE, LATE MOVIE.
- I GOT IT! THE CASH REGISTER!
- TAKE MONEY FROM
THE CASH REGISTER
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS?
SURELY YOU JEST!
- OH, NO, MAYNIE. THERE'S
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- OH, NO, DUNKIE, NO.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE.
- WELL, IT'S OKAY, MAYNIE.
UNCLE HERBIE TRUSTS ME.
[ALARMS SOUND]
- OOH, YOU GOT OFF LUCKY, KID.
MR. G. USED TO KEEP
AN ALLIGATOR IN THERE
UNTIL HE ATE THE MAILMAN.
- WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT
ANOTHER WAY TO GET THE 25 BUCKS.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT I SELL
MY BRAIN TO SCIENCE?
I JUST HOLD UP MY END
OF THE CONVERSATION.
BOY, DOBIE SURE IS SANK.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S SUNK,
AND YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
- SANK?
- SUNK.
- SANK, SUNK, HE SURE IS.
- YEAH, HE SURE IS.
- I WAS NOT!
SUNK, I MEAN.
BUT CIRCUMSTANCES WERE PILING UP
THAT COULD BLOW THE
LID OFF THE WHOLE STATE.
THIS IS McGINTY, A FELLOW
WHO DRIVES A TRUCK
AND COMES INTO THE STORE
TO USE THE TELEPHONE.
- GEE, MARGE
BABY, I CAN'T HELP IT.
LOOK, I'VE GOTTA GO
TO THE WAREHOUSE
AND PICK UP THIS
CRUMMY WEEDKILLER
THAT I GOTTA DELIVER TO
SOME CRUMMY GOLF COURSE.
LOOK, DON'T GET MAD, MARGE BABY.
YOU KNOW, I'D GIVE
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD
TO KEEP MY DATE
WITH YOU, ANYTHING!
- THIS IS MARGE BABY.
NOW YOU KNOW WHY
McGINTY WOULD GIVE ANYTHING
TO KEEP HIS DATE
WITH HER, ANYTHING.
- WOULD YOU GIVE 25 BUCKS?
- IT'S A DEAL!
- THAT'S HOW COME ONE
TRUCK DRIVER PLUS MARGE BABY
LED DUNKIE AND MAYNARD
TO THE BRINK OF DISASTER,
INTO THIS VERY NERVOUS
FELLA AT THE WAREHOUSE.
- BARNES AND HENRY SHIPPING.
WAIT, I'LL CHECK.
YEAH, YOUR WEEDKILLER'S
ALL PACKED AND READY TO GO.
THE TRUCK WILL BE
HERE FOR IT ANY MINUTE.
- WE CAME TO PICK UP THAT
SHIPMENT OF NITROGLYCERINE
FOR THE ROAD-BUILDING CREW.
- OH, GOOD!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU GUYS!
YOU KNOW, THAT EXPLOSIVE
STUFF SITTING OUT THERE
GIVES ME THE CREEPS!
I SPENT THE WHOLE
MORNING MAKING OUT MY WILL!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WAIT A
MINUTE! DON'T TOUCH IT!
I WANNA GO BACK AND DOUBLE
MY HOSPITAL INSURANCE!
- LEAVE IT OUT, CHARLIE!
NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN.
WE BEEN HANDLING THIS
HOT STUFF FOR YEARS.
OF COURSE, THERE
USED TO BE FOUR OF US.
OKAY, LET'S GET
THIS ON THE TRUCK
AND WATCH THAT HAND, BOY.
THE DOCTOR SAYS
IT'LL BE ANOTHER YEAR
BEFORE YOU CAN USE
THOSE FINGERS AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, THIS
NITRO'S TRICKY STUFF.
SOMETIMES YOU COULDN'T SET
IT OFF WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
AND SOMETIMES
JUST BREATHING ON IT
COULD BLOW US ALL
11 MILES STRAIGHT UP.
- WELL, I'M GLAD THEY SENT A
COUPLE OF CAREFUL GUYS LIKE YOU
TO HANDLE IT,
NOT SOME WILD, HAREBRAINED NUT.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HEY, MY WEED KILLER!
- WATCH IT, YOU NUMBSKULL!
- WELL, YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T
HAVE GONE TO ALL THAT TROUBLE.
I'M STRONG.
I CAN CARRY IT ALL BY MY LONELY!
WELL, MY MOTHER LOVES ME ANYHOW.
- HOW COME EVERYBODY'S
RUNNING, MAYNIE?
YOU WEREN'T DOING YOUR
DRACULA IMITATION AGAIN, WERE YOU?
- NO, I THINK IT HAD
SOMETHING TO DO
WITH MY PARTICULAR
KIND OF PERSONALITY.
IT'S CALLED REPULSIVE.
- COME ON. WE GOTTA
GET THIS LOOT TO DOBIE.
- LIKE, RIGHT!
I'M GONNA HOLD ONTO THIS CAN
LIKE MY LIFE WAS
SUSPENDED ON IT!
- THAT'S DEPENDENT,
AND HURRY UP.
WE GOT A LONG DRIVE AND
THE ROADS ARE PRETTY ROTTEN.
- THAT'S OKAY, 'CAUSE
SO'S YOUR DRIVING.
- YOU GUYS ARE A
FOUR-WHEEL AMMUNITION DUMP!
STOP!
- ONE LITTLE JOLT
AND YOU'LL BE IN ORBIT!
THE WHOLE STATE
WILL BE IN ORBIT!
- I'LL CALL THE STATE
POLICE! THEY'LL CATCH THEM!
- THEY'D BETTER MOVE FAST
OR THEY'LL HAVE TO CATCH
THEM WITH A WHISK BROOM
AND A BLOTTER.
- A TRUCKLOAD OF NITROGLYCERINE
ROLLING THROUGH TOWN?
WAIT!
NOW HEAR THIS, ALL STATIONS!
EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!
THIS IS A GENERAL ALARM!
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A
1941 PANEL DELIVERY TRUCK
LOADED WITH HIGH EXPLOSIVES.
ALL CITIZENS KEEP OFF STREETS!
THE TRUCK IS DESCRIBED
AS A DISREPUTABLE, RICKETY,
BEAT-UP WRECK!
THE SAME DESCRIPTION SEEMS
TO FIT ONE OF THE DRIVERS.
- AND THEN THERE WAS MY UNCLE
WHO WASN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
HE USED TO GO SWIMMING
WHERE THE SHARKS WAS.
WE CALLED HIM SHORTY.
LET'S TURN ON THE RADIO
AND GET SOME MUSIC.
OH, AND THAT REMINDS
ME. I'M HUNGRY.
- HOW COME MUSIC ON THE RADIO
REMINDS YOU YOU'RE HUNGRY?
- 'CAUSE I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS
AND EVERYTHING
REMINDS ME I'M HUNGRY.
- ATTENTION! ATTENTION,
ALL LISTENERS, ATTENTION!
THIS IS VITAL.
WE SWITCH YOU TO STATE
POLICE HEADQUARTERS
FOR THE LATEST BULLETIN ON THE
MISSING NITROGLYCERINE TRUCK!
TAKE IT AWAY, HEADQUARTERS!
[RADIO FEEDBACK]
- HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
- B-FLAT.
LET'S GET A BETTER NOTE.
[JAZZ]
OH, THAT'S WHAT I DIG, MOZART.
- WE INTERRUPT OUR
SCHEDULED PROGRAM
TO BRING YOU ANOTHER EMERGENCY
BULLETIN FROM THE STATE POLICE.
THE DRIVERS OF THE TRUCK
CARRYING THE NITROGLYCERIN
DO NOT KNOW THEY ARE
CARRYING THIS DEADLY CARGO.
- YEAH, THAT GUY WITH THE BEARD
LOOKED LIKE HE
DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING!
- THOSE GUYS ARE A
TRAVELING DISASTER AREA!
ALL IT TAKES IS
ONE LITTLE BOUNCE!
- THE TRUCK HAS JUST
BEEN SEEN MOVING NORTH
THROUGH THE
FACTORY AREA OF TOWN.
WARNING! IF YOU
SPOT THIS VEHICLE,
APPROACH IT WITH
EXTREME CAUTION.
ONE WRONG MOVE COULD
DESTROY THIS ENTIRE CITY.
- RIDICULOUS. MADAM
WOULD NEVER ALLOW IT.
- REPEAT: TO ALL
POLICE PERSONNEL,
USE EXTREME CAUTION
WHEN APPROACHING TRUCK.
NITROGLYCERIN IS
HIGHLY SENSITIVE.
ANYTHING MIGHT EXPLODE IT,
HEAT, A STRONG
JOLT, SUDDEN STOP.
- STOP THE TRUCK! STOP!
- STOP? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S WRONG, MAYNIE?
- I'M HUNGRY.
- NO!
WE'RE NOT STOPPING FOR FOOD
TILL WE GET THIS LOOT TO DOBIE,
AND THAT'S FINAL!
- NO, THAT'S STARVATION.
THE ONLY THING I HAD
TO EAT SINCE BREAKFAST
HAS BEEN LUNCH AND
DINNER AND A FEW SNACKS.
- NO! WE GOT A JOB TO
DO AND WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
AND NOTHING, I REPEAT,
NOTHING IS GONNA STOP US.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
I AM DUNCAN GILLIS
AND YOU ARE LOVELY.
- DUNCAN GILLIS, GET
LOST. YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
- WELL, WHAT IS YOUR TYPE?
- I GO FOR ATHLETES AND YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU GOT TWO LEFT FEET.
SLAKE OFF, WALDO!
- DO YOU HEAR THAT? SHE
LIKES ATHLETES, MAYNARD!
- YEAH. WHERE WE GONNA FIND ONE?
- I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, MY DEAR,
I AM CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL'S
HOTTEST BACKFIELD PROSPECT.
- ALSO THEIR BIGGEST LIAR.
- YOU'RE A FOOTBALL PLAYER?
SHOW ME, TIGER, SHOW ME.
- YOU SPEAK, I OBEY.
THROW ME A PASS, MAYNARD.
THAT BAG.
- OH, YEAH, SURE.
JUST LIKE MICKEY MARIS.
HEY, DUNKIE, THAT
LITTLE CHICK WAS RIGHT.
YOU DO HAVE TWO LEFT FEET.
YOUR NOSE AIN'T
THE GREATEST EITHER.
- OH, NEVER MIND.
OH, IT'S THE SADDEST
DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'VE LOST HER.
- WHAT ARE YOU KICKING ABOUT? I
DIDN'T EVEN THROW A TOUCHDOWN!
- EMERGENCY ALERT!
STAY OFF STREETS!
SEEK COVER IMMEDIATELY!
AT THIS VERY MOMENT,
THE TRUCK MAY BE HURTLING
TOWARD A FLAMING DISASTER!
- I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG!
THE PROPELLER FELL OFF!
- NO, IT'S JUST OVER-HEATED!
AFTER ALL, WE'VE
DRIVEN 10 MILES.
- YEAH, STAND BACK.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- I'M GONNA PUT THE FIRE OUT.
I'M GONNA POUR THIS
HERE WEEDKILLER IN THERE.
- THINK IT'LL WORK?
- NO. DO YOU?
- NO. WE BETTER JUST
WAIT TILL IT COOLS OFF.
- WE MIGHT HAVE TO
WAIT A COUPLE OF YEARS.
- THE CITY IS IN A
VIRTUAL STATE OF SIEGE.
EVERY AVAILABLE MAN
AND PIECE OF EQUIPMENT
HAS BEEN THROWN INTO THE
SEARCH FOR THE NITRO KNOTHEADS.
- ATTENTION, THIS IS
A GRAVE EMERGENCY.
EVERY CITIZEN MUST BE WARNED.
OUR ENTIRE COMMUNITY
IS IN GRAVE DANGER.
REPEAT, KEEP OFF STREETS!
- MAN, THAT SURE IS A
FUNNY SOUNDING AIRPLANE.
MOST OF THEM GO...
- THAT'S NOT AN AIRPLANE.
THAT'S AN ENGINE!
- NO, KID, AN ENGINE GOES "WHITE
MAN SPEAK WITH FORKED TONGUE"
AND THEN HE GOES...
- A TRAIN ENGINE!
- SO?
- TRAINS RUN ON TRACKS!
- SO?
- THOSE ARE TRACKS.
- SO, BYE!
- WAIT! WE GOTTA SAVE THE TRUCK!
- NO, ALL WE GOTTA
SAVE IS ME, SO BYE!
LOOK, KID, THIS AIN'T FAIR.
YOU'RE SMALLER THAN ME.
- COME ON, HELP ME PUSH!
HOW CLOSE IS IT, MAYNIE?
- ABANDON SHIP!
- MAYNARD, WHY WON'T
THE DARN THING MOVE?
- DID YOU TAKE IT OUT OF
GEAR AND PUT IT IN NATURAL?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
NEUTRAL, AND NO.
PUSH, MAYNARD.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
- MAYNIE, YOU SAVED THE TRUCK!
- YEAH, AND THERE ARE THOSE
WHO SAY I'M NOT TOO BRIGHT.
- WHO'D DARE SAY SUCH A THING?
- WELL, STARTING ALPHABETICALLY
FROM THE BEGINNING
OF THE ALPHABET,
THERE'S MRS. ZABOSGOT,
DR. ZIMMER, MRS. ZABO...
- EVERY PERSON IN THE AREA
HAS BEEN ALERTED TO THE DANGER.
THE STREETS ARE DESERTED.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT ANY HUMAN
BEING OVER THE AGE OF THREE
IS NOT AWARE THAT TODAY MAY BE
A DAY OF UNBELIEVABLE DISASTER.
- TODAY'S THE LOVELIEST
DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- IT WON'T BE IF YOU TRY
TO WORM YOUR WAY OUT
OF TAKING ME TO THE
PEABODY ROOF TONIGHT.
- PERISH FORBID, MY SWEET.
THAT MATTER'S
WELL TAKEN CARE OF.
NOTHING CAN STOP US.
- STOP!
THIS IS AN APPEAL TO THE DRIVERS
OF THE NITROGLYCERIN TRUCK
FROM THE MAYOR OF OUR CITY.
STOP! WHEREVER YOU ARE!
WITNESSES HAVE PROVIDED
DESCRIPTIONS OF THE TWO DRIVERS.
ONE APPEARS TO BE
ABOUT 16 YEARS OLD,
BUT HE HAS THE MANNER
OF A HARDENED CRIMINAL.
SO HE IS PROBABLY A
WELL-PRESERVED MIDGET.
HIS ACCOMPLICE IS THIN,
CLUMSY AND STOOPED.
CORRECTION, THAT'S STUPID.
WEARS A BEARD, A SWEATSHIRT
AND A VACANT EXPRESSION.
- HMMM.
- THEY'RE DRIVING A
TRUCK BEARING THE NAME
GILLIS GROCERIES.
- GILLIS GROCERY? BEARDED?
STUPID? WELL PRESERVED MIDGET?
MAYNARD AND DUNKIE,
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
- THEY HAVE ENDANGERED
THOUSANDS OF LIVES BY THEIR BEHAVIOR.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE DONE.
- ENOUGH ALREADY
WITH YOUR OPINIONS!
JUST REPORT THE FACTS!
THIS IS A CATASTROPHE.
I'VE GOTTA GET TO THE POLICE.
- NITROGLYCERIN, HUH?
THAT STUFF IS DYNAMITE!
- WHEREVER MAYNARD GOES,
HIS TRANSISTOR RADIO
IS SURE TO FOLLOW.
IF THE POLICE WOULD
ONLY LET ME BROADCAST!
- WE HAVE NO TIME FOR THAT.
WE'LL BROADCAST FROM HERE!
- A COMPLETE RADIO STATION?
- YES, AN OLD GENTLEMAN
BUILT THIS FOR FATHER,
AN ITALIAN, NAME
OF, UH, MARCONI.
NOW HEAR THIS, YOU
NASTY BOYS! NOW HEAR THIS!
I, MRS. CHATSWORTH OSBORNE,
SR., ORDER YOU, I REPEAT, ORDER YOU!
GET OUT OF THAT
TRUCK THIS INSTANT!
DO YOU HEAR?
I ORDER YOU TO STOP
ENDANGERING HELPLESS WOMEN,
INNOCENT CHILDREN
AND MY LANDHOLDINGS!
NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER!
- MAN, THESE SOAP OPERAS
GET SADDER ALL THE TIME.
- FELLAS, STOP
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
BEFORE YOU BLOW UP
EVERYBODY! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!
- MAN, WHAT A LOUSY ACTOR.
- WHO'S THAT VOICE? I
RECOGNIZE THAT VOICE.
- YEAH, IT WAS ME. LISTEN.
MAN, WHAT A LOUSY ACTOR.
- YOU SCOUNDRELS IN THAT
TRUCK, STOP AND GET OUT AT ONCE!
IF YOU SO MUCH AS HIT
ONE TINY BUMP IN THE ROAD,
THERE'LL BE A
SHATTERING EXPERIENCE!
- FLAT AS A PANCAKE!
- OH, ONLY AT THE BOTTOM.
THE REST OF IT'S OKAY.
- GET THE SPARE.
[BREAK WHISTLE SOUNDS]
- CITIZENS ARE URGED
TO LEAVE CITY AT ONCE.
GET AWAY FROM DANGER AREAS.
CITIZENS, LEAVE
CITY IMMEDIATELY!
POLICE CARS AND HELICOPTERS
ARE COMBING THE ENTIRE AREA
ALL THE WAY TO THE LAKE.
THERE'S NO FURTHER
SIGHTINGS OF THE TRUCK.
SQUADS 11, 23 AND 44 WILL SET
UP ROADBLOCKS IMMEDIATELY
AT STRATEGIC CORNERS.
IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT
THE TRUCK BE STOPPED!
- HEY, MAYNIE, I'M WORRIED.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
- OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST
TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY.
- I DON'T HAVE A
DRIVER'S LICENSE.
- OH, THAT'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- YEAH, BUT IF THE COPS SPOT
US, THEY'LL THROW US IN THE CLINK.
- OH, THAT'S SOMETHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
- YEAH, AND IF UNCLE
HERBIE FINDS OUT,
BREAD AND WATERSVILLE.
WE WON'T GET THE LOOT TO DOBIE!
- HEY, DRIVING WITHOUT
A LICENSE IS A BIG CRIME.
YOU CAN GET SIX MONTHS
IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
- HEY, MAYNIE, YOU DRIVE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? I BEEN
TURNED DOWN FOR A LICENSE
46 TIMES IN THE LAST SIX YEARS.
- WELL, THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO KEEP ONE EYE OPEN FOR COPS.
- YEAH. HEY, I'LL KEEP
BOTH EYES OPEN.
I'M VERY ALERT.
- COPS!
- OH, SO WHAT'S A
FEW COPS? COPS!
OH, QUICK, DUNKIE, YOU
GOTTA TURN AROUND!
- NEVER! WE'RE GOING THROUGH!
- THE DEATH TRUCK HAS JUST
BROKEN THROUGH THE ROADBLOCK
AT 14th AND HARLAND!
ATTENTION ALL STATIONS!
TAKE NO CHANCES! THESE
MEN ARE DANGEROUS!
THE TRUCK MUST BE STOPPED!
- NOW HEAR THIS! NOW HEAR THIS!
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHEREVER YOU ARE,
WHATEVER YOU ARE,
STOP AT ONCE!
- AUNTIE, IT'S HOPELESS.
- OH, I'M AFRAID SO.
HOWEVER, THIS
MARCONI CONTRAPTION
HASN'T BEEN ENTIRELY USELESS.
ACCORDING TO THIS MACHINE,
THE KAISER HAS JUST
SURRENDERED TO GENERAL PERSHING.
- DUNKIE AND MAYNARD
HAVE GONE UP IN SMOKE
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO STARE INTO THE FACE OF
UTTER, COMPLETE, DISMAL DISASTER.
- YOU RANG?
- MAYNARD!
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO GLAD TO
SEE ANYBODY IN MY WHOLE LIFE!
- GLORIOSKY! YOU MUST
HAVE REALLY BEEN BROKE!
- NO. I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE NITRO YOU PICKED UP
AT THAT CHEMICAL PLANT.
- NITRO? YOU MEAN
THIS HERE WEEDKILLER?
- YOU STILL GOT IT?
- EVERYBODY FREEZE!
- OH, I GET IT!
IT'S LIKE A GAME,
LIKE LIVING STATUES!
OH BOY, OH BOY, OH
BOY! YOU MOVED, MRS. O.!
[SCREAMS]
SO DID YOU, GIRL.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
GIVE ME TH-THAT.
- TH-THIS?
- TH-THAT.
- S-SURE.
[SCREAMS]
- OH, I GET IT! IT'S
ANOTHER GAME.
WHEN I DO THIS... [SCREAMS]
EVERYBODY SCREAMS. OH, BOY!
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
GIVE ME THAT CAN.
YEAH, MRS. OSBORNE,
HOW DEEP IS THE
WELL IN THAT PATIO?
- NO ONE REALLY KNOWS.
WE STOPPED DIGGING WHEN WE
HEARD CHINESE COMMUNITY SINGING.
- I'D SAY THAT'S DEEP ENOUGH.
- HEY, DON'T NOBODY
WANNA PLAY KICK THE CAN
'CAUSE WE ALREADY GOT THE CAN.
- MADAM, I'D LIKE TO
SUBMIT MY RESIGNATION
AND GO BACK TO MY OLD JOB,
GETTING SHOT OUT OF A CANNON.
- TREMBLEY, GET
ME MY EIGHT IRON.
- OH, MADAM, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO PRACTICE GOLF NOW, ARE YOU?
- NO, I AM GOING TO BEAN-BALL
THAT BEANHEAD, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
RIGHT FROM HERE.
- GO, GO, GO, GO, MADAM!
- OOPS, MADAM, I
THINK YOU SLICED A BIT.
OH, MADAM!
[EXPLOSION]
- WHEN WE OSBORNES
HAVE A DISASTER,
BY GEORGE, WE HAVE A DISASTER!
- MRS. OSBORNE, THAT
TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION,
IT DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH
ANYTHING IN HERE!
- IT WOULDN'T DARE!
THIS IS OSBORNE PROPERTY.
- MADAM, LOOK!
OBSERVE WHAT THE
EXPLOSION HAS WROUGHT!
- GREAT SCOTT! IT'S
BOOMTOWN ALTOGETHER!
ANOTHER OIL GUSHER!
OH, IT'LL TURN OSBORNE
MANOR INTO A SOGGY GREASE PIT!
- GEE, MRS. OSBORNE, I'M SORRY.
OUR INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.
- MINE WEREN'T.
- RELAX, BOYS. YOU'VE
DONE ME A GREAT FAVOR.
IN BEHALF OF THE BUREAU OF
INTERNAL REVENUE AND MYSELF,
I THANK YOU.
- MADAM, IT'S BLACK GOLD!
- HIGH-TEST, FINEST QUALITY!
TREMBLEY, GET ME MY TIN HAT!
WE'LL RIG AND WORK THE NIGHT!
- YES, MADAM.
- MAYNIE, YOU'RE A HERO.
- YES, I AM, AMEN'T I?