The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 11 - Have Reindeer, Will Travel - full transcript
Appointed by chairperson Dobie, Maynard is the treasurer of his class' Christmas dance fund. Maynard believes the seemingly poor Spanish-speaking Mexican shoe shine boy he befriends needs the money more - all $55.78 - especially since it's Christmas. Maynard confesses to the dance committee that he no longer has the money, but won't tell what happened to it if only to protect his new friend. The committee members are angry but don't believe Maynard stole the money. Regardless, Maynard vows to pay it all back. The only way he can is to get a job. Maynard getting a job is easier said than done. But Maynard, who is generous to a fault in the jobs he does end up getting, may end up showing everyone around him the true meaning of the holidays.
- HEY, ABOUT THE LOOT
TO PAY FOR THE SHOESHINE,
I THINK I'M SLIGHTLY
EMBARRASSED.
IN FACT, I'M LIKE BROKE.
THE ONLY LOOT I GOT IS WHAT
I JUST PICKED UP AT THE BANK
TO TAKE BACK TO SCHOOL.
IT BELONGS TO THE
KIDS IN MY CLASS.
I'M THE TREASURER,
LIKE, LEGALLY ELECTED.
YEAH, SO THEY WON'T
MIND IF I LOAN A SMALL LOAN
TO REIMBURSE YOU.
HERE, HERE'S A DIME.
OH, YOU'RE DOIN'
BOTH SHOES, HUH?
SO YOU OUGHT TO GET TWO DIMES.
ALL TOGETHER, THAT'S 15
CENTS I LENT YOU, PARTNER.
NO, SEÑOR, ME HA
PAGADO DEMASIODO.
- YEAH, AND ALMOST MERRY
YULETIDE TO YOU TOO,
YOU PUG-A-LO.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE
WORKING IN ALL THIS
ICE-COLD AND SLATE?
YOU PROBABLY GOT EIGHT OR
NINE LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS
JUST LIKE YOU OUT THERE WORKING
INSTEAD OF BEING HOME
GETTING READY FOR SANTA CLAUS.
LISTEN. HERE, YOU TAKE THIS
FOR YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS.
AND YOU TAKE THIS FOR
YOUR LITTLE SISTERS.
YOU TAKE THIS FOR
YOUR LITTLE PARENTS.
NOW LISTEN.
YOU TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF
AND GET THAT WHOLE
SHOOTIN' MATCH HAPPY
BY GETTING READY FOR A
REAL MERRY CHRISTMAS, HUH?
NOW, VAMOOSE, LITTLE
CARAMBA, COME ON, COME ON.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I KNOW THE KIDS AT SCHOOL
WOULDN'T SAY NOTHING
WHEN THEY FIND OUT I GAVE
AWAY A COUPLE OF BUCKS.
I WANNA TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID
'CAUSE I GAVE AWAY ALL THE BUCKS
TO THAT POOR LITTLE TYKE AND...
OOH, ARE THEY
GONNA SAY SOMETHING.
LIKE WOE IS ME!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS IS THE JOYFUL
SEASON OF CHRISTMAS
WHEN OUR HEARTS
ARE FILLED WITH LOVE
FOR OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
AND THAT MEANS LOVE FOR
MY FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
BUT SOMETIMES FILLING YOUR
HEART WITH LOVE FOR MAYNARD
ISN'T SO EASY.
IN FACT, IT'S KINDA...
UH, WELL, WHAT IT IS IS
DARN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE.
VERY WELL, IT HAS BEEN
MOVED AND SECONDED
THAT THE MONEY WE'VE
CONTRIBUTED TO OUR CLASS FUND
BE SPENT ON A CHRISTMAS DANCE.
AND NOW...
- MR. CHAIRMAN?
POINT OF INFORMATION.
- WALTER FUNK.
- HOW MUCH MONEY
DO WE HAVE IN THE FUND
TO SPEND ON THE DANCE?
- WE'LL KNOW THE EXACT AMOUNT
AS SOON AS THE TREASURER OF
THE CHRISTMAS FUND GETS HERE.
- WHO'S THE TREASURER?
- MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AND NOW THEN...
- I MOVE WE GET A NEW TREASURER!
- DOBIE, YOU APPOINTED
MAYNARD TO BE TREASURER?
- YES, BY VIRTUE OF THE POWER
VESTED IN ME AS CHAIRMAN.
- WELL, I MOVE WE
GET A NEW CHAIRMAN.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE!
- YEAH, JUST A DARN MINUTE!
- YEAH!
- YOU KIDS OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
NOW, LOOK, WE ALL VOTED
TO MAKE DOBIE CHAIRMAN.
NOW LET'S STAND BEHIND
HIM AND BACK HIM UP
INSTEAD OF PICKING ON HIM!
- THAT'S RIGHT!
I'M DOING MY DARNDEST
TO DO A GOOD JOB!
- AND YOU'RE
SUCCEEDING, POOPSIE.
YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB.
- THANK YOU, ZELDA.
- SO HOW COME YOU PULLED
A LAME-BRAINED STUNT
LIKE APPOINTING
MAYNARD TREASURER?
- BECAUSE MAYNARD'S
CHANGED, THAT'S WHY!
NOW THAT HE'S A COLLEGE MAN,
HE'S MATURE AND GROWN-UP AND
RESOURCEFUL AND SELF-RELIANT.
AM I REALLY TALKING ABOUT...
- TALKING ABOUT OUR MAYNARD?
NO.
- OH, OF COURSE, HE'S CHANGED.
HE'S VERY DEPENDABLE NOW.
AND BESIDES, ALL
I ASKED HIM TO DO
WAS GO TO THE BANK AND
BRING OUR MONEY HERE TO CLASS.
- OH, WELL, A CHILD OF
EIGHT COULD DO THAT.
- A CHILD OF FIVE COULD DO IT.
- BUT COULD MAYNARD G. KREBS?
- NOW CUT THAT OUT!
YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT
THE MAYNARD OF THE OLD DAYS
BACK WHEN HE WAS A
BUMBLING, LEFT-HEADED, USELESS,
NO-ACCOUNT MESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HERE'S OUR TREASURER
NOW. HI THERE, MAYNARD.
YOU DID WHAT I TOLD
YOU, DIDN'T YOU?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- UH-HUH, YOU WENT TO THE BANK
AND DREW OUT ALL THE
MONEY IN OUR CLASS FUND?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- MM-HMM,
AND THEN YOU STUCK
IT IN AN ENVELOPE
AND PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET, HMM?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA
HAND IT OVER TO ME.
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- YES, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
MAYNARD, OUR MONEY, IT'S GONE.
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
SEE YOU AROUND, DOBE.
- MAYNARD!
- IT WAS TRULY INSPIRING TO
SEE HOW THE CLASS REACTED
WHEN MAYNARD SHOWED
UP WITHOUT THE MONEY
FOR THE CHRISTMAS DANCE.
AT FIRST, OF COURSE,
THEY WERE AWFUL MAD.
BUT AFTER A WHILE, THEY
STARTED TO HAVE KINDLIER FEELINGS,
FOR INSTANCE, A BELIEF IN
MAYNARD'S BASIC HONESTY.
- OF COURSE HE DIDN'T
STEAL THE MONEY.
HE'S TOO STUPID TO BE A CROOK.
- ON THE OTHER HAND,
CERTAIN MEMBERS OF THE CLASS
DEVELOPED A DEEP
FEELING OF COMPASSION.
- I PITY HIS POOR PARENTS STUCK
FOR LIFE WITH SUCH A WASHOUT.
- OTHERS EVEN EXPERIENCED
A COMMENDABLE AMOUNT
OF SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY.
- DO YOU THINK HE'D TELL US
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY
IF WE ALL PUT ON BOOTS AND
JUMPED UP AND DOWN ON HIM?
- MAYNARD WAS UP TO
HIS BEARD IN TROUBLE,
BUT HAPPILY THERE WAS A
SIMPLE, DIRECT, EFFECTIVE WAY
TO SOLVE HIS WHOLE PROBLEM.
- NOPE, I AIN'T GONNA
COMMIT HARI-KARI.
- MAYNARD, STOP THAT.
- MAN, I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE
POLISHING MYSELF OFF IN ENGLISH.
- HEY, MAYNARD...
- I THINK MY FATHER'S
FOR HARI-KARI.
HE KEEPS TAKING ME TO
JAPANESE MOVIES AND POINTING.
- MAYNARD, STOP.
I JUST WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY
FOR THE CHRISTMAS DANCE?
- I CAN'T, DOBE.
- WHY NOT? WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.
YOU CAN ALWAYS
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
- I KNOW, DOBE, BUT
THIS IS LIKE DIFFERENT.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE
MADE YOUR POINT.
WE'RE JUST NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE.
- OH, NO, NO, DOBE.
YOU ARE THE VERY BEST FRIEND
I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
I MEAN, I WOULD STICK MY
ARM INTO THE FIRE IF YOU...
- TELL ME WHERE THE MONEY IS!
- SO LONG, STRANGER.
- OKAY, MAYNARD, OKAY.
IF YOU FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT IT,
YOU MUST HAVE GOOD REASONS.
SO I WON'T MENTION IT
AGAIN. BUT I'M WARNING YOU.
YOU'D BETTER FIND A WAY TO
PAY IT BACK BEFORE CHRISTMAS
OR WHAT THE KIDS IN CLASS
HANG ON THEIR TREE
IS GONNA BE YOU.
- DON'T WORRY, DOBE.
I'M IN NO TROUBLE.
I'M GONNA PAY IT BACK EVERY
WEEK OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE.
I JUST REMEMBERED THE
SIZE OF MY ALLOWANCE
AND I'M IN TROUBLE.
- YEAH.
YES, BIG TROUBLE.
MAYNARD, I KNOW THIS WILL
COME AS A SHOCKING SUGGESTION,
BUT HOW ABOUT GETTING A JOB?
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S
A SHOCKING SUGGESTION.
HEY, DOBE, WHAT IF I WROTE
A LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT
AND ASKED HIM FOR
A GOVERNMENT LOAN?
- THE PRESIDENT IN WASHINGTON?
- YEAH. I'D SAY
"DEAR MR. TRUMAN..."
- MAYNARD, HIS
NAME'S KENNEDY NOW.
- TRUMAN'S NAME IS KENNEDY?
- AND HE COULDN'T
HELP YOU ANYHOW.
HE'S GOT OTHER
THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
- STILL TRYING TO
GET THAT NEW PORCH
FOR THE WHITE HOUSE, HUH?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
ONLY ONE WAY OUT.
YOU'VE GOT TO
GET A PART-TIME JOB
HELPING OUT IN THE
PRE-CHRISTMAS RUSH.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, DOBE.
I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME
A JOB? I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
MAYBE I'M CHARMING
AND LOVABLE AND SWEET,
BUT I STILL AM MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- TRUE, BUT YOU'RE THE
NEW MAYNARD G. KREBS,
A COLLEGE MAN, A VETERAN
OF THE ARMED FORCES,
MATURE, RESOURCEFUL,
SELF-RELIANT.
OFFER THAT PACKAGE
TO ANY MERCHANT IN TOWN
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE'LL SAY?
- I GIVE YOU A SIMPLE N-O, NO,
A SIMPLE O-U-T, OUT,
AND A SIMPLE GOODBYE, MAYNARD!
- HEY, DAD, BE FAIR!
AT LEAST THINK ABOUT
IT FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
- OKAY, I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.
OKAY, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. OUT!
- DAD, THIS IS A
DESPERATE EMERGENCY.
TO MAYNARD, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
- MAYBE BOTH.
- LOOK, HE COULDN'T CARRY
$55.78 FOR THE CLASS DANCE
ACROSS THE STREET
WITHOUT LOSING IT.
AND YOU WANT ME TO TRUST
MY HARD-EARNED CASH TO HIM?
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!
- YEAH, DOBE, YOU
GOTTA BE KIDDING.
- HERBERT, I'M
ASHAMED OF THE WAY
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT MAYNARD.
- SO AM I, BUT WITH
A LADY PRESENT,
IT WAS THE BEST I COULD DO.
- DOBIE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT,
MAYNARD HAS DONE
SOMETHING TO LET YOU DOWN
AND NOW HE WANTS
TO MAKE UP FOR IT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MOM.
- WELL, THEN, HERBERT,
HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY
REFUSE TO HELP HIM?
- EASY!
WINNIE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE LETTING US IN FOR.
IT MEANS THAT MAYNARD WILL
BE HERE IN THE STORE WITH US
HOUR AFTER HOUR, DAY
AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK.
- I UNDERSTAND THAT PERFECTLY
AND, DOBIE, ISN'T
THERE SOME OTHER WAY
THAT WE CAN POSSIBLY
HELP MAYNARD?
- MOM!
- HERBERT, YOU ARE
GOING TO HIRE THE BOY.
- OKAY, WINNIE.
WE SURVIVED THE DEPRESSION,
TWO FIRES, A CYCLONE, A FLOOD.
I SUPPOSE WE CAN SURVIVE
MAYNARD G. KREBS. YOU'RE HIRED.
- OH, THANKS, DAD. YOU'RE
PERFORMING A NOBLE DEED!
- OH, THANK YOU,
YOUR GROCERSHIP, SIR!
- NEVER MIND, MAYNARD!
- YOU'RE ONE OF
NATURE'S NOBLEMEN!
- YOU'RE WELCOME ALREADY!
JUST BE HERE TOMORROW
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
WE'LL START YOU OFF
AT 60 CENTS AN HOUR.
- 60 CENTS AN HOUR?
WHAT KIND OF CRUMMY
WAGES DO YOU CALL THAT?
- MAYNARD...
- I MEAN, WHEN DO I
START GETTING MY FRINGE BENEFITS
AND MY HOSPITALIZATION
AND MY COFFEE...
- MAYNARD!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- BYE, GOOD BUDDY.
- THE NEXT DAY, MAYNARD
BEGAN HIS CAREER AS A CLERK
IN THE GILLIS GROCERY STORE.
WELL, IT WASN'T
EXACTLY A CAREER.
IT WAS MORE LIKE A SENTENCE.
- WHOA-OH-OH!
LIKE, HI, MR. G.
- LIKE HI, MAYNARD, AND
WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
- I DON'T HAVE ONE, SIR. SO IF
YOU SEE ONE LAYIN' AROUND,
PLEASE TELL ME. I
SURE COULD USE IT.
- I'LL ADMIT MAYNARD
DIDN'T START OFF IN HIS JOB
LIKE A BALL OF FIRE.
BUT WITHIN A COUPLE OF DAYS,
HIS WORK HAD IMPROVED
TO THE LEVEL OF, UH...
WELL, I THINK THEY CALL
IT UTTER MEDIOCRITY.
- SEÑOR?
- WHAT?
OH, IT'S YOU, LITTLE
LATIN-TYPE BOY!
- VENGO PARA COMPRAR COMIDA.
- LOOK, I TOLD YOU.
I DON'T DIG THAT,
LIKE, LATIN, YOU KNOW.
NO UNDERSTANDO, SEE? NO DIGGO?
- AQUÍ ESTÁ LA LISTA.
- HEY, HOW DID YOU
KNOW I WAS HERE?
YOU MUST HAVE FOLLOWED
ME OR SOMETHING, HUH?
- POR FAVOR, NO COMPRENDO.
- PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK,
LITTLE SOMBRERO, WILL YA?
I MEAN, SEEING YOU OUT
IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE
LOOKING ALL SAD-EYED AND HUNGRY,
I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF FROM
GIVING YOU THE CLASS'S MONEY.
AND LOOK AT ALL THE
HOT WATER IT GOT ME INTO.
SO NO MORE LOOT. THAT WAS IT.
FINISHVILLE, THE END.
- ESTÁ ESCRITA EN INGLÉS.
- YOU GOT A SHOPPING LIST?
YOU GOT MONEY TO PAY FOR THIS?
YOU KNOW, MONEY?
CASHARINO? MOOLA? PESOVILLE?
- SÍ. SÍ, TENGO DINERO.
- GOOD, GOOD, BECAUSE
I GOTTA HAVE CASH.
I'M WORKING FOR
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
MERCHANT FRIEND,
WHO IS A FINE, DECENT,
HONORABLE MAN
WHO IS ALSO MEAN AND CHEAP.
LOOKS LIKE CHINESE
FOOD YOU GOT THERE.
OH, ONE DOZEN EGGS.
- LITTLE DID MAYNARD KNOW...
LITTLE DID ANYBODY KNOW...
WHAT HE WAS
GETTING HIMSELF INTO.
I MEAN, STARING AT HIM FROM
JUST AROUND THE CORNER
WAS GRIM, HORRIBLE,
TERRIFYING DISASTER.
- NOW LET'S SEE.
THAT'LL BE $11.45.
$11.45 OUT OF $12.
$12?
THAT'LL JUST ABOUT CLEAN YOU OUT
WITH CHRISTMAS COMING AND
ALL THOSE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
HERE. REMEMBER,
THIS IS THE LAST TIME.
I MEAN, THERE'S
GONNA BE NO MORE.
I MEAN, IT'S GONNA
BE, LIKE, BYE-BYE-VILLE,
AND IT'S GONNA
BE LIKE ADIOS, HUH?
- HASTA LUEGO, SENOR.
- YEAH, AND A HASTY
LUMBAGO TO YOU, KID.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
- [DOOR SLAMS]
- OOH, AND BIG TROUBLE.
- MAYNARD?
- PRESENT. UH-OH.
- WHAT'S MY NAME?
- YOUR NAME IS HERBERT T. GILLIS
AND YOU'RE A VETERAN OF WWII.
- RIGHT!
NOT J. P. MORGAN! NOT
JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER!
NOT THE AGA KHAN!
JUST PLAIN EVERYDAY
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOUR FORMER EMPLOYER!
- LIKE, FORMER?
- RIGHT!
OH, I JUST SAW THAT LITTLE
TRANSACTION OF YOURS,
ALL $11.45 OF IT!
AND YOU ARE FINISHED,
THROUGH, KAPUT, SACKED!
- LIKE FIRED?
- FIRED!
- NOW, MAYNARD FEELS AWFUL
ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.
HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
- NO, HE DOESN'T,
OR HE'D GET HIMSELF
A BULLETPROOF HEAD!
- NO, HE'LL RAISE
THE MONEY SOMEHOW.
- A THOUGHT. MAYBE HE
COULD DONATE HIS BODY
TO MEDICAL RESEARCH.
- A BETTER THOUGHT. WHY
DON'T WE DONATE IT FOR HIM?
- LOOK, I JUST KNOW
MAYNARD WILL COME THROUGH.
REMEMBER, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
AND SOMEWHERE IN THIS TOWN,
THERE'S A JOB THAT'S JUST RIGHT
FOR SUCH A WARMHEARTED,
LOVABLE, FRIENDLY HUMAN BEING.
- LIKE, HO HO HO HO HO!
YOUR MANAGERSHIP, I NEVER
BEEN A SANTA CLAUS BEFORE,
BUT I KNOW I CAN DO IT GOOD
'CAUSE MY MOM USED TO
BRING ME TO THIS STORE
TO SEE OLD SANTA EVERY YEAR.
- WELL, THAT HELPS.
- SHE'S OUT OF TOWN OR SHE'D
HAVE BRUNG ME THIS YEAR TOO.
HEY, HOW DO I LOOK, MR. BEAVER?
LIKE REAL KRIS KRINGLISH, HUH?
- WELL, LET ME PUT
IT THIS WAY, KREBS.
STAY IN A DIM LIGHT AND HOPE
THAT THE KIDS ARE NEARSIGHTED.
- ANYTHING I CAN
DO TO SERVE, SIR.
- HMM. AND NOT A
MINUTE TOO SOON.
HERE COME THE KIDDIES.
NOW REMEMBER,
KREBS. YOU'RE SANTA.
NOW GREET THE CUSTOMERS.
- LIKE, HI, CUSTOMERS.
WHAT DO I DO NOW,
YOUR FLOORWALKERSHIP?
- SIT HER ON YOUR LAP.
- ON MY LAP?
- YES.
- ON MY LAP?
- YES!
- EVERY YEAR, NEW
RULES. WELL, HO HO HO HO!
- APOLOGIES, MADAM.
HE'S NEW HERE.
AND IT'S A CINCH HE'LL
NEVER GET OLD HERE.
THE LITTLE GIRLS,
SANTA, THE LITTLE GIRLS.
- YES, SIR, YOUR CARNATIONSHIP.
OH, HO HO HO THERE,
LITTLE DARLING.
WHAT DO YOU GOT
TO SAY TO OLD SANTA?
- NNNH!
- SHE DON'T TALK
TOO GOOD, DOES SHE?
COME ON, COME ON.
TELL OLD BUBBLE BELLY
WHAT YOU WANT
FOR YULETIDESVILLE.
- NO. I WON'T TELL YOU
ANYTHING. YOU'RE NOT FOR REAL.
- THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER'S
BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS,
BUT A REAL SANTA CLAUS I AM.
- YOU ARE NOT.
- I AM TOO.
- YOU ARE NOT!
- I AM TOO, AND I CAN PROVE IT!
I COULDN'T DO THIS IF I
WASN'T REAL, COULD I?
SEE? YOU'RE REAL TOO.
OOH! YEAH, MAN, ARE YOU REAL!
NOW TELL OLD SANTA WHAT
YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.
- OKAY. I WANT A TEDDY BEAR
AND AN ATOMIC SUBMARINE
AND A HUGE BIG DOLLHOUSE.
- HEY, YOU'RE A GREEDY
LITTLE CHICK, AIN'T YA?
- SEE, MOMMY? HE IS A PHONY!
HE CAN'T GET ANYTHING FOR ME!
- OH, I CAN'T, HUH? WELL,
YOU JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE
AND I'LL BE BACK FASTER THAN
YOU CAN SAY GOOD KING WENCS...
UH, WENCS... OHH,
WENCS, WENCS...
I'LL BE BACK REAL QUICK!
- IT'S SANTA CLAUSES LIKE HIM
THAT MAKE IT TOUGH
FOR US LITTLE KIDS
TO BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.
- HO HO HO HO HO, HERE YOU ARE,
LITTLE DOUBTING
THOMAS, HERE YOU ARE.
[GRUNTS] HERE! HERE'S
YOUR TEDDY BEAR,
UNHH, AND YOUR
ATOMIC SUBMARINE...
AND A GREAT BIG GIANT DOLLHOUSE
WITH WALL-TO-WALL FLOORS!
HOW'S THAT FOR A HO HO HO HO HO?
- WOW! THANKS, SANTA.
- BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD ALL THAT.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHT
OF PAYING, MADAM.
COMPLIMENTS OF KANE'S
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WE'RE ALL HEART,
EVEN THE ELEVATORS.
- WELL, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, SANTA.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS,
GOOD OLD SANTA!
- HO HO HO HO!
- I'M SO SORRY I SAID
THOSE BAD THINGS, SANTA.
I LOVE YOU. I DO, I DO, I DO.
- AND LIKE VICE VERSA.
I'M GETTING PRETTY MISTY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- WHENEVER MAYNARD GOES TO WORK,
HE'S GENERALLY A SQUARE
PEG IN A ROUND HOLE.
BUT WHEN HE GOT THAT
JOB AS A SANTA CLAUS,
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE,
HE WAS A ROUND
PEG IN A ROUND HOLE
AND THE HOLES
WEREN'T IN HIS HEAD.
YOU SEE, HE WAS BORN
FOR THAT KIND OF WORK:
BEING KIND TO KIDS,
GIVING AWAY THINGS,
MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY.
HE WASN'T JUST A FELLA
IN A SANTA CLAUS SUIT.
IN HIS HEART, MAYNARD
WAS SANTA CLAUS.
- LIKE, HO HO HO THERE,
LITTLE FLAKE IN MOONLIGHT.
BYE, BYE, BYE
THERE, LITTLE TYKE.
- ¿PUEDO DECIRLE LO
QUE QUIERO PARA NAVIDAD?
- NO OFFENSE, BUT LIKE,
I MEAN, LIKE SAYONARA,
LIKE, VAMOOSE, YOU KNOW.
NEXT!
- POR FAVOR, SEÑOR.
- OH, LOOK, LOOK. YOU
GIVE ME ENOUGH TROUBLE
TO LAST FOR THE WHOLE
MONTH OF CHRISTMAS.
SO LIKE, I MEAN, HAIL
AND FAREWELL, HUH?
- FELIZ NAVIDAD, SEÑOR SANTA.
- YEAH, SURE. YEAH,
LIKE, HO HO HO HO.
SHEESH! NEXT! THERE WE GO.
WERE YOU A GOOD GUY?
OH!
- YES, KANE'S DEPARTMENT
STORE HAD A FEW SHAKY MOMENTS,
BUT MAYNARD GOT
THROUGH THAT WEEK.
AND FINALLY, THE DAY CAME
WHEN WE WENT DOWN TO
WATCH HIM COLLECT HIS SALARY.
SHH! SHH! HERE HE COMES.
NOW, FOR PETE'S SAKE,
DON'T TELL HIM WE CAME DOWN
HERE JUST TO CHECK ON THE MONEY.
- LIKE HI, YOU CAME DOWN
TO CHECK ON THE MONEY, HUH?
WELL, DON'T UPSET YOUR
HEADS, GOOD BUDDIES, HERE IT IS,
AND WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE IT
TO THE KIDS AT SCHOOL FOR ME?
- YOU BET.
- NO, ZELDA, NO.
MAYNARD, YOU EARNED THIS MONEY
AND I WANT YOU TO HAND
IT OVER TO THEM YOURSELF.
- HIM? MAYNARD?
- ME? MAYNARD?
- YOU, MAYNARD. WE TRUST YOU.
AND WHEN WE TELL THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
THEY'LL BE... THEY'LL BE
PLEASED AND PROUD AND... AND...
- TRY FLABBERGASTED.
- OKAY, SO THEY'LL
BE FLABBERGASTED,
BUT ONLY AT FIRST. THEY'LL
GET OVER IT, YOU'LL SEE.
- YEAH, I'LL PROVE TO
THEM THAT I'VE CHANGED
AND THEY'LL SEE HOW I'VE
BECOME RELIABLE AND DEPENDABLE
AND TRUSTWORTHY AND GROWN-UP.
- KREBS!
AT CLOSING TIME,
YOU LEFT YOUR SHOES
STANDING BETWEEN
DONDER AND BLITZEN!
- ZOUNDS! LIKE EXCUSE
ME, YOUR PROPRIETORSHIP.
MY FEET GOT, LIKE, BUSHED!
- GO GET 'EM!
- THE FEET?
- THE SHOES!
- OH, LIKE INSTANTLY, SIR,
LIKE EVEN SOONER, SIR!
- OH, DEAR, I WONDER IF I
COULD GET TRANSFERRED
TO LADIES STYLISH STOUTS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE? THE STORE IS CLOSED!
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
ANYHOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
OUGHTA BE HERE ALL BY YOURSELF
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
YOU OUGHTA BE HOME
WAITIN' FOR SANTA CLAUS!
- POR FAVOR, SEÑOR...
- MAN,
I REALLY WISH I WAS SANTA
CLAUS INSTEAD OF MAKE-BELIEVE.
AND THEN I COULD GIVE
YOU ALL THEM TOYS.
NO. DON'T START HOUNDING
ME FOR NO MORE LOOT!
I GOTTA GIVE THIS BACK
TO THE KIDS AT SCHOOL.
- POR FAVOR, NO
QUIERO SU DINERO.
- I MEAN, LIKE ADIOS.
I MEAN, GO PEDDLE
YOUR TORTILLAS!
I BET YOU COULD USE
SOME TORTILLAS NOW, HUH?
HERE.
- YA TENEMOS.
- THAT'S ALL THE LOOT I GOT,
SO LIKE CUT OUT
NOW, HUH, PLEASE?
- NO QUIERO SU DINERO.
- LIKE ADIOS, VAMOOSE
AND HASTY LUMBAGO.
- HASTA LUEGO, SEÑOR.
- DOGGONE IT. I
WISH HE'D HURRY UP.
THE KIDS AT SCHOOL...
OH, HI, MAYNARD.
EVERYTHING OKAY? YOU READY?
- WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS
ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
- LET'S GET OVER TO THE SCHOOL
AND YOU CAN GIVE
THE KIDS THEIR MONEY.
- THERE'S ONE THING, DOBE.
- BOY, I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES
WHEN YOU HAND IT
TO THEM. THEY'LL FLIP.
- HOW THEY GONNA
HAVE TIME TO FLIP?
THEY'LL BE TOO BUSY
KICKING MY TEETH OUT.
- OH, MAYNARD, YOU COULDN'T!
- MAYNARD, YOU DIDN'T!
HE DID.
- I'LL KILL HIM! THIS WAY!
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU?
COME ON OUT! WE WON'T HURT YOU!
- MAYBE YOU WON'T. I WILL!
MAYNARD?
- MAYNARD?
MAYNARD?
- DOBIE, HERE!
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU?
HE MUST HAVE GONE THAT WAY.
- NO, DOBIE, I THINK
HE WENT THIS WAY.
- WAIT. LET'S FIGURE
THIS OUT LOGICALLY.
TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHICH WAY
WOULD A REASONABLE,
THINKING PERSON GO?
- THAT WAY TOWARD THE EXIT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYNARD
MUST HAVE GONE THIS WAY.
- RIGHT.
- HEY, ZELDA, GO AROUND THERE.
HEY! HEY!
- THERE HE GOES!
- HEY.
- WAIT!
- WAIT A MINUTE! DOBIE?
- OH, HO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHO ARE YOU?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- POR FAVOR, SEÑORITA,
NO COMPRENDO.
- WAIT, WAIT!
DID YOU SEE A THIN FELLA
WITH A BEARD RUN PAST HERE?
- DOBIE, I THINK HE
ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH.
- YEAH. EL SEÑOR
SKINNY AVEC LE BEARD?
- I SAID SPANISH, NOT GIBBERISH.
- UH-HUH. YEAH, WELL, M'SIEUR...
- DOWN, POOPSIE,
DOWN. I'LL HANDLE IT.
- UH-HUH.
- DÍGAME, HOMBRECITO,
¿SABES DÓNDE FUE EL TIPO
DESCAMISADO CON LA BARBA?
- SÍ, SEÑORITA, COMO NO.
- ZELDA, YOU SPEAK SPANISH?
- PURE CASTILIAN. NONE OF
THOSE REGIONAL DIALECTS.
- ADELANTE, NIÑO,
¿DÓNDE ESTÁ EL
HOMBRE DE QUIEN HABLO?
ES DEMASIADO IMPORTANTE.
- ESTÁ EN LA CASA DE MI PAPÁ.
YA LE DIGUE QUE NO
QUERÍAMOS SU DINERO,
PERO NOS DIERON DE MÁS Y MÁS.
SOMOS POBRES, PERO
NO SOMOS MENDICANTES.
- WHAT'D HE SAY,
ZELDA? WHAT'D HE SAY?
- POOPSIE, OUR MYSTERY'S SOLVED.
- WELL, WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY?
- COME WITH US.
- ZELDA, ZELDA,
STOP WITH THE SECRETS ALREADY.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
WHAT? ZELDA? WHAT?
- PEPE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TAKEN THE MONEY, SEÑOR.
THINGS ARE NOT GOOD WITH
US, BUT WE ARE NOT BEGGARS.
- NAW, YOU FOLKS NEED IT
MORE THAN US... THAN ME
AND IT'S ONLY, LIKE, MONEY
JUST TO HELP YOU FOLKS
GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
WHICH SHOULD BE ANY
DAY NOW. I MEAN, I CAN TELL.
I GOT TUITION.
- I THINK THAT IS
INTUITION, SEÑOR.
YOU ARE VERY KIND, SEÑOR,
BUT WE CANNOT KEEP THE MONEY.
- YES, YOU CAN, MA'AM.
- OH, DOBE, I COULDN'T...
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. I UNDERSTAND.
- THIS IS MY FRIEND,
DOBIE GILLIS,
THE BEST FRIEND A
FELLA COULD HAVE.
HE WOULD SWIM ACROSS
ECKHART LAKE FOR ME...
- YEAH, NOT NOW, MAYNARD.
THIS IS ZELDA GILROY.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF MAYNARD'S TOO.
- TO BE CONSIDERED A FRIEND
OF MAYNARD'S IS A REAL PRIVILEGE.
- ME? OH, COME NOW!
- YOU, BUSTER.
- YOU SEE, WE ARE
NOT WEALTHY PEOPLE,
BUT WE HAVE ENOUGH TO
CELEBRATE THE FESTIVITIES
IN THE FASHION TO WHICH
WE ARE ACCUSTOMED.
MIRA, MIRA.
THIS IS OUR PIÑATA!
- YAY!
- YAY!
- IT HANGS IN OUR HOME FOR
NINE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
FILLED WITH CANDY AND COOKIES
AND PRESENTS FOR
THE CHILDREN, EH?
WHEN THE CELEBRATION
COMES TO AN END,
OH, WE PLAY A LITTLE GAME.
THE CHILDREN ARE BLINDFOLDED
AND, WITH THESE LONG
STICKS, BANG, BANG, BANG,
THE CHILDREN TRY
TO BREAK THE PIÑATA
AND WIN FOR THEMSELVES ALL
THE PRESENTS THAT ARE INSIDE.
- MAN, YOU GET PRESENTS
FOR BREAKING THINGS?
WHERE DO I SIGN UP TO GET
IN THIS FAMILY? I'D BE LOADED.
- OH! SO HERE IS
THE MONEY, SENOR.
YOU MUST TAKE IT BACK.
- NO, SEÑORA, IT'S YOURS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
NADA, SEÑORA, WE
WON'T MISS THE MONEY.
ALL WE WERE GONNA SPEND IT ON
WAS AN OLD SCHOOL DANCE ANYHOW.
- BUT IT IS GOOD FOR
PEOPLE TO DANCE.
BACK HOME IN MEXICO,
WE LOVE TO DANCE SO MUCH
THAT WE MAKE OUR OWN MUSIC.
I BEG OF YOU, SEÑOR,
TAKE BACK THE...
- SEÑORA, I'M A VERY
STUBBORN CABALLERO.
I DON'T HEAR A WORD YOU SAY.
HEY, WE'VE GOTTA GO.
COME ON, ZELDA, MAYNARD.
FROM ALL OF US,
A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!
- ADIOS.
- BYE! BYE!
- HASTY LUMBAGO!
- AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, SEÑOR SANTA.
- COME AND GET IT, DEAR!
- YEAH, COURTESY
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOUR FRIENDLY
NEIGHBORHOOD GROCER!
TAKE IT EASY ON THE TURKEY, HUH?
IT COST 58 CENTS A
POUND WHOLESALE.
- HO HO HO HO, CLASSMATES!
- MAYNARD, WHERE
ARE YOUR BONGOS?
WE NEED THEM FOR DANCING.
- WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS, DOBE.
I WAS BRINGIN' THEM,
BUT ON THE WAY OVER,
I RAN INTO THIS RAGGED...
- RAGGED, LITTLE WAIF.
- YOU TOO? THAT'S ALMOST
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!
RELAX, DOBE. I TOOK CARE
OF THE WHOLE SHOOTIN' MATCH.
ONE, TWO, THREE!
- [MARIACHI MUSIC]
- BUENAS TARDES, SEÑOR.
- BUENAS TARDES, SEÑORA.
BUENAS TARDES, SEÑOR PEPE.
- YOU WOULD NOT
TAKE BACK THE MONEY,
SO PERHAPS WE CAN EXPRESS
OUR GREAT GRATITUDE TO YOU
WITH THESE GIFTS, THE PIÑATA
WITH THE PRESENTS
FOR THE CHILDREN IN IT.
TOMA YA.
AND THE MUSIC WHICH WILL
TELL YOU WHAT IS IN OUR HEARTS.
- THANK YOU, SEÑORA.
SEÑORITA ZELDA, MAY
I HAVE THIS DANCE?
- YOU BET YOUR BOOTS, MUCHACHO.
- HEY, THIS IS GONNA TURN
OUT ALL RIGHT AFTER ALL!
SEÑORA WINNIE, MAY
I HAVE THIS DANCE?
- YOU BET YOUR SERAPE, MUCHACHO!
- OOH, OOH, LIKE, EXCUSE ME.
- HEY! HEY!
HEY!
- LIKE THIS!
- OOH! AAH!
- ARLENE FRANCIS, I PRESUME.
MAYNARD...
COME ALONG.
MAYNARD.
- YAY! YAY!
- HEH HEH, YOU KNOW, WINNIE,
THAT MAYNARD IS A
SOFT, WARMHEARTED BOY.
- I'M GLAD YOU'VE CHANGED
YOUR OPINION OF HIM.
- WHO CHANGED THEIR OPINION?
HE IS A SOFT, HARDHEARTED
BOY WHO'S A DIM-WIT.
- OH, HERBERT.
- OH, JUST A LITTLE
CHRISTMAS JOLLYING.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S STILL
EARLY AND I'M HUNGRY.
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
- GOOD THINKING.
LET'S GO OVER TO MY
HOUSE AND I'LL WHIP UP
SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS.
- GREAT.
- AND I GOT A WHOLE
BIG WAD OF MISTLETOE
HUNG RIGHT OVER THE FRONT DOOR.
- ZELDA, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.
- WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?
- HEY, WALTER, WHAT
ARE YOU MADE UP FOR?
- OH, I GOTTA BE SANTA
CLAUS FOR MY SISTER'S KIDS,
DOGGONE IT.
- DOGGONE IT?
WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT?
BEING A SANTA CLAUS IS AN HONOR!
DON'T TAKE IT
LIGHTLY, MY GOOD MAN!
YOU CALL YOURSELF A
SANTA CLAUS? LIKE HA!
STICK OUT THAT TUMMY!
FLUFF UP THAT BEARD!
PRACTICE THOSE HO HO HOs!
- OH, HO HO HO!
- OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
LET'S GO [DEEP VOICE] HO HO HO!
- OH, HO HO HO!
- AGAIN! PUT YOUR
STOMACH INTO IT!
- Both: OH, HO HO
HO! OH, HO HO HO!
TO PAY FOR THE SHOESHINE,
I THINK I'M SLIGHTLY
EMBARRASSED.
IN FACT, I'M LIKE BROKE.
THE ONLY LOOT I GOT IS WHAT
I JUST PICKED UP AT THE BANK
TO TAKE BACK TO SCHOOL.
IT BELONGS TO THE
KIDS IN MY CLASS.
I'M THE TREASURER,
LIKE, LEGALLY ELECTED.
YEAH, SO THEY WON'T
MIND IF I LOAN A SMALL LOAN
TO REIMBURSE YOU.
HERE, HERE'S A DIME.
OH, YOU'RE DOIN'
BOTH SHOES, HUH?
SO YOU OUGHT TO GET TWO DIMES.
ALL TOGETHER, THAT'S 15
CENTS I LENT YOU, PARTNER.
NO, SEÑOR, ME HA
PAGADO DEMASIODO.
- YEAH, AND ALMOST MERRY
YULETIDE TO YOU TOO,
YOU PUG-A-LO.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE
WORKING IN ALL THIS
ICE-COLD AND SLATE?
YOU PROBABLY GOT EIGHT OR
NINE LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS
JUST LIKE YOU OUT THERE WORKING
INSTEAD OF BEING HOME
GETTING READY FOR SANTA CLAUS.
LISTEN. HERE, YOU TAKE THIS
FOR YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS.
AND YOU TAKE THIS FOR
YOUR LITTLE SISTERS.
YOU TAKE THIS FOR
YOUR LITTLE PARENTS.
NOW LISTEN.
YOU TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF
AND GET THAT WHOLE
SHOOTIN' MATCH HAPPY
BY GETTING READY FOR A
REAL MERRY CHRISTMAS, HUH?
NOW, VAMOOSE, LITTLE
CARAMBA, COME ON, COME ON.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I KNOW THE KIDS AT SCHOOL
WOULDN'T SAY NOTHING
WHEN THEY FIND OUT I GAVE
AWAY A COUPLE OF BUCKS.
I WANNA TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID
'CAUSE I GAVE AWAY ALL THE BUCKS
TO THAT POOR LITTLE TYKE AND...
OOH, ARE THEY
GONNA SAY SOMETHING.
LIKE WOE IS ME!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS IS THE JOYFUL
SEASON OF CHRISTMAS
WHEN OUR HEARTS
ARE FILLED WITH LOVE
FOR OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
AND THAT MEANS LOVE FOR
MY FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
BUT SOMETIMES FILLING YOUR
HEART WITH LOVE FOR MAYNARD
ISN'T SO EASY.
IN FACT, IT'S KINDA...
UH, WELL, WHAT IT IS IS
DARN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE.
VERY WELL, IT HAS BEEN
MOVED AND SECONDED
THAT THE MONEY WE'VE
CONTRIBUTED TO OUR CLASS FUND
BE SPENT ON A CHRISTMAS DANCE.
AND NOW...
- MR. CHAIRMAN?
POINT OF INFORMATION.
- WALTER FUNK.
- HOW MUCH MONEY
DO WE HAVE IN THE FUND
TO SPEND ON THE DANCE?
- WE'LL KNOW THE EXACT AMOUNT
AS SOON AS THE TREASURER OF
THE CHRISTMAS FUND GETS HERE.
- WHO'S THE TREASURER?
- MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AND NOW THEN...
- I MOVE WE GET A NEW TREASURER!
- DOBIE, YOU APPOINTED
MAYNARD TO BE TREASURER?
- YES, BY VIRTUE OF THE POWER
VESTED IN ME AS CHAIRMAN.
- WELL, I MOVE WE
GET A NEW CHAIRMAN.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE!
- YEAH, JUST A DARN MINUTE!
- YEAH!
- YOU KIDS OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
NOW, LOOK, WE ALL VOTED
TO MAKE DOBIE CHAIRMAN.
NOW LET'S STAND BEHIND
HIM AND BACK HIM UP
INSTEAD OF PICKING ON HIM!
- THAT'S RIGHT!
I'M DOING MY DARNDEST
TO DO A GOOD JOB!
- AND YOU'RE
SUCCEEDING, POOPSIE.
YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB.
- THANK YOU, ZELDA.
- SO HOW COME YOU PULLED
A LAME-BRAINED STUNT
LIKE APPOINTING
MAYNARD TREASURER?
- BECAUSE MAYNARD'S
CHANGED, THAT'S WHY!
NOW THAT HE'S A COLLEGE MAN,
HE'S MATURE AND GROWN-UP AND
RESOURCEFUL AND SELF-RELIANT.
AM I REALLY TALKING ABOUT...
- TALKING ABOUT OUR MAYNARD?
NO.
- OH, OF COURSE, HE'S CHANGED.
HE'S VERY DEPENDABLE NOW.
AND BESIDES, ALL
I ASKED HIM TO DO
WAS GO TO THE BANK AND
BRING OUR MONEY HERE TO CLASS.
- OH, WELL, A CHILD OF
EIGHT COULD DO THAT.
- A CHILD OF FIVE COULD DO IT.
- BUT COULD MAYNARD G. KREBS?
- NOW CUT THAT OUT!
YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT
THE MAYNARD OF THE OLD DAYS
BACK WHEN HE WAS A
BUMBLING, LEFT-HEADED, USELESS,
NO-ACCOUNT MESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HERE'S OUR TREASURER
NOW. HI THERE, MAYNARD.
YOU DID WHAT I TOLD
YOU, DIDN'T YOU?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- UH-HUH, YOU WENT TO THE BANK
AND DREW OUT ALL THE
MONEY IN OUR CLASS FUND?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- MM-HMM,
AND THEN YOU STUCK
IT IN AN ENVELOPE
AND PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET, HMM?
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA
HAND IT OVER TO ME.
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
- YES, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
MAYNARD, OUR MONEY, IT'S GONE.
- LIKE, NATURALLY.
SEE YOU AROUND, DOBE.
- MAYNARD!
- IT WAS TRULY INSPIRING TO
SEE HOW THE CLASS REACTED
WHEN MAYNARD SHOWED
UP WITHOUT THE MONEY
FOR THE CHRISTMAS DANCE.
AT FIRST, OF COURSE,
THEY WERE AWFUL MAD.
BUT AFTER A WHILE, THEY
STARTED TO HAVE KINDLIER FEELINGS,
FOR INSTANCE, A BELIEF IN
MAYNARD'S BASIC HONESTY.
- OF COURSE HE DIDN'T
STEAL THE MONEY.
HE'S TOO STUPID TO BE A CROOK.
- ON THE OTHER HAND,
CERTAIN MEMBERS OF THE CLASS
DEVELOPED A DEEP
FEELING OF COMPASSION.
- I PITY HIS POOR PARENTS STUCK
FOR LIFE WITH SUCH A WASHOUT.
- OTHERS EVEN EXPERIENCED
A COMMENDABLE AMOUNT
OF SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY.
- DO YOU THINK HE'D TELL US
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY
IF WE ALL PUT ON BOOTS AND
JUMPED UP AND DOWN ON HIM?
- MAYNARD WAS UP TO
HIS BEARD IN TROUBLE,
BUT HAPPILY THERE WAS A
SIMPLE, DIRECT, EFFECTIVE WAY
TO SOLVE HIS WHOLE PROBLEM.
- NOPE, I AIN'T GONNA
COMMIT HARI-KARI.
- MAYNARD, STOP THAT.
- MAN, I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE
POLISHING MYSELF OFF IN ENGLISH.
- HEY, MAYNARD...
- I THINK MY FATHER'S
FOR HARI-KARI.
HE KEEPS TAKING ME TO
JAPANESE MOVIES AND POINTING.
- MAYNARD, STOP.
I JUST WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY
FOR THE CHRISTMAS DANCE?
- I CAN'T, DOBE.
- WHY NOT? WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.
YOU CAN ALWAYS
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
- I KNOW, DOBE, BUT
THIS IS LIKE DIFFERENT.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE
MADE YOUR POINT.
WE'RE JUST NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE.
- OH, NO, NO, DOBE.
YOU ARE THE VERY BEST FRIEND
I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
I MEAN, I WOULD STICK MY
ARM INTO THE FIRE IF YOU...
- TELL ME WHERE THE MONEY IS!
- SO LONG, STRANGER.
- OKAY, MAYNARD, OKAY.
IF YOU FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT IT,
YOU MUST HAVE GOOD REASONS.
SO I WON'T MENTION IT
AGAIN. BUT I'M WARNING YOU.
YOU'D BETTER FIND A WAY TO
PAY IT BACK BEFORE CHRISTMAS
OR WHAT THE KIDS IN CLASS
HANG ON THEIR TREE
IS GONNA BE YOU.
- DON'T WORRY, DOBE.
I'M IN NO TROUBLE.
I'M GONNA PAY IT BACK EVERY
WEEK OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE.
I JUST REMEMBERED THE
SIZE OF MY ALLOWANCE
AND I'M IN TROUBLE.
- YEAH.
YES, BIG TROUBLE.
MAYNARD, I KNOW THIS WILL
COME AS A SHOCKING SUGGESTION,
BUT HOW ABOUT GETTING A JOB?
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S
A SHOCKING SUGGESTION.
HEY, DOBE, WHAT IF I WROTE
A LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT
AND ASKED HIM FOR
A GOVERNMENT LOAN?
- THE PRESIDENT IN WASHINGTON?
- YEAH. I'D SAY
"DEAR MR. TRUMAN..."
- MAYNARD, HIS
NAME'S KENNEDY NOW.
- TRUMAN'S NAME IS KENNEDY?
- AND HE COULDN'T
HELP YOU ANYHOW.
HE'S GOT OTHER
THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
- STILL TRYING TO
GET THAT NEW PORCH
FOR THE WHITE HOUSE, HUH?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
ONLY ONE WAY OUT.
YOU'VE GOT TO
GET A PART-TIME JOB
HELPING OUT IN THE
PRE-CHRISTMAS RUSH.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, DOBE.
I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME
A JOB? I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
MAYBE I'M CHARMING
AND LOVABLE AND SWEET,
BUT I STILL AM MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- TRUE, BUT YOU'RE THE
NEW MAYNARD G. KREBS,
A COLLEGE MAN, A VETERAN
OF THE ARMED FORCES,
MATURE, RESOURCEFUL,
SELF-RELIANT.
OFFER THAT PACKAGE
TO ANY MERCHANT IN TOWN
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE'LL SAY?
- I GIVE YOU A SIMPLE N-O, NO,
A SIMPLE O-U-T, OUT,
AND A SIMPLE GOODBYE, MAYNARD!
- HEY, DAD, BE FAIR!
AT LEAST THINK ABOUT
IT FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
- OKAY, I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.
OKAY, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. OUT!
- DAD, THIS IS A
DESPERATE EMERGENCY.
TO MAYNARD, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
- MAYBE BOTH.
- LOOK, HE COULDN'T CARRY
$55.78 FOR THE CLASS DANCE
ACROSS THE STREET
WITHOUT LOSING IT.
AND YOU WANT ME TO TRUST
MY HARD-EARNED CASH TO HIM?
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!
- YEAH, DOBE, YOU
GOTTA BE KIDDING.
- HERBERT, I'M
ASHAMED OF THE WAY
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT MAYNARD.
- SO AM I, BUT WITH
A LADY PRESENT,
IT WAS THE BEST I COULD DO.
- DOBIE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT,
MAYNARD HAS DONE
SOMETHING TO LET YOU DOWN
AND NOW HE WANTS
TO MAKE UP FOR IT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MOM.
- WELL, THEN, HERBERT,
HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY
REFUSE TO HELP HIM?
- EASY!
WINNIE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE LETTING US IN FOR.
IT MEANS THAT MAYNARD WILL
BE HERE IN THE STORE WITH US
HOUR AFTER HOUR, DAY
AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK.
- I UNDERSTAND THAT PERFECTLY
AND, DOBIE, ISN'T
THERE SOME OTHER WAY
THAT WE CAN POSSIBLY
HELP MAYNARD?
- MOM!
- HERBERT, YOU ARE
GOING TO HIRE THE BOY.
- OKAY, WINNIE.
WE SURVIVED THE DEPRESSION,
TWO FIRES, A CYCLONE, A FLOOD.
I SUPPOSE WE CAN SURVIVE
MAYNARD G. KREBS. YOU'RE HIRED.
- OH, THANKS, DAD. YOU'RE
PERFORMING A NOBLE DEED!
- OH, THANK YOU,
YOUR GROCERSHIP, SIR!
- NEVER MIND, MAYNARD!
- YOU'RE ONE OF
NATURE'S NOBLEMEN!
- YOU'RE WELCOME ALREADY!
JUST BE HERE TOMORROW
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
WE'LL START YOU OFF
AT 60 CENTS AN HOUR.
- 60 CENTS AN HOUR?
WHAT KIND OF CRUMMY
WAGES DO YOU CALL THAT?
- MAYNARD...
- I MEAN, WHEN DO I
START GETTING MY FRINGE BENEFITS
AND MY HOSPITALIZATION
AND MY COFFEE...
- MAYNARD!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- BYE, GOOD BUDDY.
- THE NEXT DAY, MAYNARD
BEGAN HIS CAREER AS A CLERK
IN THE GILLIS GROCERY STORE.
WELL, IT WASN'T
EXACTLY A CAREER.
IT WAS MORE LIKE A SENTENCE.
- WHOA-OH-OH!
LIKE, HI, MR. G.
- LIKE HI, MAYNARD, AND
WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
- I DON'T HAVE ONE, SIR. SO IF
YOU SEE ONE LAYIN' AROUND,
PLEASE TELL ME. I
SURE COULD USE IT.
- I'LL ADMIT MAYNARD
DIDN'T START OFF IN HIS JOB
LIKE A BALL OF FIRE.
BUT WITHIN A COUPLE OF DAYS,
HIS WORK HAD IMPROVED
TO THE LEVEL OF, UH...
WELL, I THINK THEY CALL
IT UTTER MEDIOCRITY.
- SEÑOR?
- WHAT?
OH, IT'S YOU, LITTLE
LATIN-TYPE BOY!
- VENGO PARA COMPRAR COMIDA.
- LOOK, I TOLD YOU.
I DON'T DIG THAT,
LIKE, LATIN, YOU KNOW.
NO UNDERSTANDO, SEE? NO DIGGO?
- AQUÍ ESTÁ LA LISTA.
- HEY, HOW DID YOU
KNOW I WAS HERE?
YOU MUST HAVE FOLLOWED
ME OR SOMETHING, HUH?
- POR FAVOR, NO COMPRENDO.
- PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK,
LITTLE SOMBRERO, WILL YA?
I MEAN, SEEING YOU OUT
IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE
LOOKING ALL SAD-EYED AND HUNGRY,
I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF FROM
GIVING YOU THE CLASS'S MONEY.
AND LOOK AT ALL THE
HOT WATER IT GOT ME INTO.
SO NO MORE LOOT. THAT WAS IT.
FINISHVILLE, THE END.
- ESTÁ ESCRITA EN INGLÉS.
- YOU GOT A SHOPPING LIST?
YOU GOT MONEY TO PAY FOR THIS?
YOU KNOW, MONEY?
CASHARINO? MOOLA? PESOVILLE?
- SÍ. SÍ, TENGO DINERO.
- GOOD, GOOD, BECAUSE
I GOTTA HAVE CASH.
I'M WORKING FOR
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
MERCHANT FRIEND,
WHO IS A FINE, DECENT,
HONORABLE MAN
WHO IS ALSO MEAN AND CHEAP.
LOOKS LIKE CHINESE
FOOD YOU GOT THERE.
OH, ONE DOZEN EGGS.
- LITTLE DID MAYNARD KNOW...
LITTLE DID ANYBODY KNOW...
WHAT HE WAS
GETTING HIMSELF INTO.
I MEAN, STARING AT HIM FROM
JUST AROUND THE CORNER
WAS GRIM, HORRIBLE,
TERRIFYING DISASTER.
- NOW LET'S SEE.
THAT'LL BE $11.45.
$11.45 OUT OF $12.
$12?
THAT'LL JUST ABOUT CLEAN YOU OUT
WITH CHRISTMAS COMING AND
ALL THOSE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
HERE. REMEMBER,
THIS IS THE LAST TIME.
I MEAN, THERE'S
GONNA BE NO MORE.
I MEAN, IT'S GONNA
BE, LIKE, BYE-BYE-VILLE,
AND IT'S GONNA
BE LIKE ADIOS, HUH?
- HASTA LUEGO, SENOR.
- YEAH, AND A HASTY
LUMBAGO TO YOU, KID.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
- [DOOR SLAMS]
- OOH, AND BIG TROUBLE.
- MAYNARD?
- PRESENT. UH-OH.
- WHAT'S MY NAME?
- YOUR NAME IS HERBERT T. GILLIS
AND YOU'RE A VETERAN OF WWII.
- RIGHT!
NOT J. P. MORGAN! NOT
JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER!
NOT THE AGA KHAN!
JUST PLAIN EVERYDAY
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOUR FORMER EMPLOYER!
- LIKE, FORMER?
- RIGHT!
OH, I JUST SAW THAT LITTLE
TRANSACTION OF YOURS,
ALL $11.45 OF IT!
AND YOU ARE FINISHED,
THROUGH, KAPUT, SACKED!
- LIKE FIRED?
- FIRED!
- NOW, MAYNARD FEELS AWFUL
ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.
HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
- NO, HE DOESN'T,
OR HE'D GET HIMSELF
A BULLETPROOF HEAD!
- NO, HE'LL RAISE
THE MONEY SOMEHOW.
- A THOUGHT. MAYBE HE
COULD DONATE HIS BODY
TO MEDICAL RESEARCH.
- A BETTER THOUGHT. WHY
DON'T WE DONATE IT FOR HIM?
- LOOK, I JUST KNOW
MAYNARD WILL COME THROUGH.
REMEMBER, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
AND SOMEWHERE IN THIS TOWN,
THERE'S A JOB THAT'S JUST RIGHT
FOR SUCH A WARMHEARTED,
LOVABLE, FRIENDLY HUMAN BEING.
- LIKE, HO HO HO HO HO!
YOUR MANAGERSHIP, I NEVER
BEEN A SANTA CLAUS BEFORE,
BUT I KNOW I CAN DO IT GOOD
'CAUSE MY MOM USED TO
BRING ME TO THIS STORE
TO SEE OLD SANTA EVERY YEAR.
- WELL, THAT HELPS.
- SHE'S OUT OF TOWN OR SHE'D
HAVE BRUNG ME THIS YEAR TOO.
HEY, HOW DO I LOOK, MR. BEAVER?
LIKE REAL KRIS KRINGLISH, HUH?
- WELL, LET ME PUT
IT THIS WAY, KREBS.
STAY IN A DIM LIGHT AND HOPE
THAT THE KIDS ARE NEARSIGHTED.
- ANYTHING I CAN
DO TO SERVE, SIR.
- HMM. AND NOT A
MINUTE TOO SOON.
HERE COME THE KIDDIES.
NOW REMEMBER,
KREBS. YOU'RE SANTA.
NOW GREET THE CUSTOMERS.
- LIKE, HI, CUSTOMERS.
WHAT DO I DO NOW,
YOUR FLOORWALKERSHIP?
- SIT HER ON YOUR LAP.
- ON MY LAP?
- YES.
- ON MY LAP?
- YES!
- EVERY YEAR, NEW
RULES. WELL, HO HO HO HO!
- APOLOGIES, MADAM.
HE'S NEW HERE.
AND IT'S A CINCH HE'LL
NEVER GET OLD HERE.
THE LITTLE GIRLS,
SANTA, THE LITTLE GIRLS.
- YES, SIR, YOUR CARNATIONSHIP.
OH, HO HO HO THERE,
LITTLE DARLING.
WHAT DO YOU GOT
TO SAY TO OLD SANTA?
- NNNH!
- SHE DON'T TALK
TOO GOOD, DOES SHE?
COME ON, COME ON.
TELL OLD BUBBLE BELLY
WHAT YOU WANT
FOR YULETIDESVILLE.
- NO. I WON'T TELL YOU
ANYTHING. YOU'RE NOT FOR REAL.
- THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER'S
BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS,
BUT A REAL SANTA CLAUS I AM.
- YOU ARE NOT.
- I AM TOO.
- YOU ARE NOT!
- I AM TOO, AND I CAN PROVE IT!
I COULDN'T DO THIS IF I
WASN'T REAL, COULD I?
SEE? YOU'RE REAL TOO.
OOH! YEAH, MAN, ARE YOU REAL!
NOW TELL OLD SANTA WHAT
YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.
- OKAY. I WANT A TEDDY BEAR
AND AN ATOMIC SUBMARINE
AND A HUGE BIG DOLLHOUSE.
- HEY, YOU'RE A GREEDY
LITTLE CHICK, AIN'T YA?
- SEE, MOMMY? HE IS A PHONY!
HE CAN'T GET ANYTHING FOR ME!
- OH, I CAN'T, HUH? WELL,
YOU JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE
AND I'LL BE BACK FASTER THAN
YOU CAN SAY GOOD KING WENCS...
UH, WENCS... OHH,
WENCS, WENCS...
I'LL BE BACK REAL QUICK!
- IT'S SANTA CLAUSES LIKE HIM
THAT MAKE IT TOUGH
FOR US LITTLE KIDS
TO BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.
- HO HO HO HO HO, HERE YOU ARE,
LITTLE DOUBTING
THOMAS, HERE YOU ARE.
[GRUNTS] HERE! HERE'S
YOUR TEDDY BEAR,
UNHH, AND YOUR
ATOMIC SUBMARINE...
AND A GREAT BIG GIANT DOLLHOUSE
WITH WALL-TO-WALL FLOORS!
HOW'S THAT FOR A HO HO HO HO HO?
- WOW! THANKS, SANTA.
- BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD ALL THAT.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHT
OF PAYING, MADAM.
COMPLIMENTS OF KANE'S
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WE'RE ALL HEART,
EVEN THE ELEVATORS.
- WELL, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, SANTA.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS,
GOOD OLD SANTA!
- HO HO HO HO!
- I'M SO SORRY I SAID
THOSE BAD THINGS, SANTA.
I LOVE YOU. I DO, I DO, I DO.
- AND LIKE VICE VERSA.
I'M GETTING PRETTY MISTY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- WHENEVER MAYNARD GOES TO WORK,
HE'S GENERALLY A SQUARE
PEG IN A ROUND HOLE.
BUT WHEN HE GOT THAT
JOB AS A SANTA CLAUS,
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE,
HE WAS A ROUND
PEG IN A ROUND HOLE
AND THE HOLES
WEREN'T IN HIS HEAD.
YOU SEE, HE WAS BORN
FOR THAT KIND OF WORK:
BEING KIND TO KIDS,
GIVING AWAY THINGS,
MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY.
HE WASN'T JUST A FELLA
IN A SANTA CLAUS SUIT.
IN HIS HEART, MAYNARD
WAS SANTA CLAUS.
- LIKE, HO HO HO THERE,
LITTLE FLAKE IN MOONLIGHT.
BYE, BYE, BYE
THERE, LITTLE TYKE.
- ¿PUEDO DECIRLE LO
QUE QUIERO PARA NAVIDAD?
- NO OFFENSE, BUT LIKE,
I MEAN, LIKE SAYONARA,
LIKE, VAMOOSE, YOU KNOW.
NEXT!
- POR FAVOR, SEÑOR.
- OH, LOOK, LOOK. YOU
GIVE ME ENOUGH TROUBLE
TO LAST FOR THE WHOLE
MONTH OF CHRISTMAS.
SO LIKE, I MEAN, HAIL
AND FAREWELL, HUH?
- FELIZ NAVIDAD, SEÑOR SANTA.
- YEAH, SURE. YEAH,
LIKE, HO HO HO HO.
SHEESH! NEXT! THERE WE GO.
WERE YOU A GOOD GUY?
OH!
- YES, KANE'S DEPARTMENT
STORE HAD A FEW SHAKY MOMENTS,
BUT MAYNARD GOT
THROUGH THAT WEEK.
AND FINALLY, THE DAY CAME
WHEN WE WENT DOWN TO
WATCH HIM COLLECT HIS SALARY.
SHH! SHH! HERE HE COMES.
NOW, FOR PETE'S SAKE,
DON'T TELL HIM WE CAME DOWN
HERE JUST TO CHECK ON THE MONEY.
- LIKE HI, YOU CAME DOWN
TO CHECK ON THE MONEY, HUH?
WELL, DON'T UPSET YOUR
HEADS, GOOD BUDDIES, HERE IT IS,
AND WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE IT
TO THE KIDS AT SCHOOL FOR ME?
- YOU BET.
- NO, ZELDA, NO.
MAYNARD, YOU EARNED THIS MONEY
AND I WANT YOU TO HAND
IT OVER TO THEM YOURSELF.
- HIM? MAYNARD?
- ME? MAYNARD?
- YOU, MAYNARD. WE TRUST YOU.
AND WHEN WE TELL THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
THEY'LL BE... THEY'LL BE
PLEASED AND PROUD AND... AND...
- TRY FLABBERGASTED.
- OKAY, SO THEY'LL
BE FLABBERGASTED,
BUT ONLY AT FIRST. THEY'LL
GET OVER IT, YOU'LL SEE.
- YEAH, I'LL PROVE TO
THEM THAT I'VE CHANGED
AND THEY'LL SEE HOW I'VE
BECOME RELIABLE AND DEPENDABLE
AND TRUSTWORTHY AND GROWN-UP.
- KREBS!
AT CLOSING TIME,
YOU LEFT YOUR SHOES
STANDING BETWEEN
DONDER AND BLITZEN!
- ZOUNDS! LIKE EXCUSE
ME, YOUR PROPRIETORSHIP.
MY FEET GOT, LIKE, BUSHED!
- GO GET 'EM!
- THE FEET?
- THE SHOES!
- OH, LIKE INSTANTLY, SIR,
LIKE EVEN SOONER, SIR!
- OH, DEAR, I WONDER IF I
COULD GET TRANSFERRED
TO LADIES STYLISH STOUTS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE? THE STORE IS CLOSED!
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
ANYHOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
OUGHTA BE HERE ALL BY YOURSELF
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
YOU OUGHTA BE HOME
WAITIN' FOR SANTA CLAUS!
- POR FAVOR, SEÑOR...
- MAN,
I REALLY WISH I WAS SANTA
CLAUS INSTEAD OF MAKE-BELIEVE.
AND THEN I COULD GIVE
YOU ALL THEM TOYS.
NO. DON'T START HOUNDING
ME FOR NO MORE LOOT!
I GOTTA GIVE THIS BACK
TO THE KIDS AT SCHOOL.
- POR FAVOR, NO
QUIERO SU DINERO.
- I MEAN, LIKE ADIOS.
I MEAN, GO PEDDLE
YOUR TORTILLAS!
I BET YOU COULD USE
SOME TORTILLAS NOW, HUH?
HERE.
- YA TENEMOS.
- THAT'S ALL THE LOOT I GOT,
SO LIKE CUT OUT
NOW, HUH, PLEASE?
- NO QUIERO SU DINERO.
- LIKE ADIOS, VAMOOSE
AND HASTY LUMBAGO.
- HASTA LUEGO, SEÑOR.
- DOGGONE IT. I
WISH HE'D HURRY UP.
THE KIDS AT SCHOOL...
OH, HI, MAYNARD.
EVERYTHING OKAY? YOU READY?
- WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS
ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
- LET'S GET OVER TO THE SCHOOL
AND YOU CAN GIVE
THE KIDS THEIR MONEY.
- THERE'S ONE THING, DOBE.
- BOY, I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES
WHEN YOU HAND IT
TO THEM. THEY'LL FLIP.
- HOW THEY GONNA
HAVE TIME TO FLIP?
THEY'LL BE TOO BUSY
KICKING MY TEETH OUT.
- OH, MAYNARD, YOU COULDN'T!
- MAYNARD, YOU DIDN'T!
HE DID.
- I'LL KILL HIM! THIS WAY!
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU?
COME ON OUT! WE WON'T HURT YOU!
- MAYBE YOU WON'T. I WILL!
MAYNARD?
- MAYNARD?
MAYNARD?
- DOBIE, HERE!
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU?
HE MUST HAVE GONE THAT WAY.
- NO, DOBIE, I THINK
HE WENT THIS WAY.
- WAIT. LET'S FIGURE
THIS OUT LOGICALLY.
TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHICH WAY
WOULD A REASONABLE,
THINKING PERSON GO?
- THAT WAY TOWARD THE EXIT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYNARD
MUST HAVE GONE THIS WAY.
- RIGHT.
- HEY, ZELDA, GO AROUND THERE.
HEY! HEY!
- THERE HE GOES!
- HEY.
- WAIT!
- WAIT A MINUTE! DOBIE?
- OH, HO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHO ARE YOU?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- POR FAVOR, SEÑORITA,
NO COMPRENDO.
- WAIT, WAIT!
DID YOU SEE A THIN FELLA
WITH A BEARD RUN PAST HERE?
- DOBIE, I THINK HE
ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH.
- YEAH. EL SEÑOR
SKINNY AVEC LE BEARD?
- I SAID SPANISH, NOT GIBBERISH.
- UH-HUH. YEAH, WELL, M'SIEUR...
- DOWN, POOPSIE,
DOWN. I'LL HANDLE IT.
- UH-HUH.
- DÍGAME, HOMBRECITO,
¿SABES DÓNDE FUE EL TIPO
DESCAMISADO CON LA BARBA?
- SÍ, SEÑORITA, COMO NO.
- ZELDA, YOU SPEAK SPANISH?
- PURE CASTILIAN. NONE OF
THOSE REGIONAL DIALECTS.
- ADELANTE, NIÑO,
¿DÓNDE ESTÁ EL
HOMBRE DE QUIEN HABLO?
ES DEMASIADO IMPORTANTE.
- ESTÁ EN LA CASA DE MI PAPÁ.
YA LE DIGUE QUE NO
QUERÍAMOS SU DINERO,
PERO NOS DIERON DE MÁS Y MÁS.
SOMOS POBRES, PERO
NO SOMOS MENDICANTES.
- WHAT'D HE SAY,
ZELDA? WHAT'D HE SAY?
- POOPSIE, OUR MYSTERY'S SOLVED.
- WELL, WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY?
- COME WITH US.
- ZELDA, ZELDA,
STOP WITH THE SECRETS ALREADY.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
WHAT? ZELDA? WHAT?
- PEPE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TAKEN THE MONEY, SEÑOR.
THINGS ARE NOT GOOD WITH
US, BUT WE ARE NOT BEGGARS.
- NAW, YOU FOLKS NEED IT
MORE THAN US... THAN ME
AND IT'S ONLY, LIKE, MONEY
JUST TO HELP YOU FOLKS
GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
WHICH SHOULD BE ANY
DAY NOW. I MEAN, I CAN TELL.
I GOT TUITION.
- I THINK THAT IS
INTUITION, SEÑOR.
YOU ARE VERY KIND, SEÑOR,
BUT WE CANNOT KEEP THE MONEY.
- YES, YOU CAN, MA'AM.
- OH, DOBE, I COULDN'T...
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. I UNDERSTAND.
- THIS IS MY FRIEND,
DOBIE GILLIS,
THE BEST FRIEND A
FELLA COULD HAVE.
HE WOULD SWIM ACROSS
ECKHART LAKE FOR ME...
- YEAH, NOT NOW, MAYNARD.
THIS IS ZELDA GILROY.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF MAYNARD'S TOO.
- TO BE CONSIDERED A FRIEND
OF MAYNARD'S IS A REAL PRIVILEGE.
- ME? OH, COME NOW!
- YOU, BUSTER.
- YOU SEE, WE ARE
NOT WEALTHY PEOPLE,
BUT WE HAVE ENOUGH TO
CELEBRATE THE FESTIVITIES
IN THE FASHION TO WHICH
WE ARE ACCUSTOMED.
MIRA, MIRA.
THIS IS OUR PIÑATA!
- YAY!
- YAY!
- IT HANGS IN OUR HOME FOR
NINE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
FILLED WITH CANDY AND COOKIES
AND PRESENTS FOR
THE CHILDREN, EH?
WHEN THE CELEBRATION
COMES TO AN END,
OH, WE PLAY A LITTLE GAME.
THE CHILDREN ARE BLINDFOLDED
AND, WITH THESE LONG
STICKS, BANG, BANG, BANG,
THE CHILDREN TRY
TO BREAK THE PIÑATA
AND WIN FOR THEMSELVES ALL
THE PRESENTS THAT ARE INSIDE.
- MAN, YOU GET PRESENTS
FOR BREAKING THINGS?
WHERE DO I SIGN UP TO GET
IN THIS FAMILY? I'D BE LOADED.
- OH! SO HERE IS
THE MONEY, SENOR.
YOU MUST TAKE IT BACK.
- NO, SEÑORA, IT'S YOURS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
NADA, SEÑORA, WE
WON'T MISS THE MONEY.
ALL WE WERE GONNA SPEND IT ON
WAS AN OLD SCHOOL DANCE ANYHOW.
- BUT IT IS GOOD FOR
PEOPLE TO DANCE.
BACK HOME IN MEXICO,
WE LOVE TO DANCE SO MUCH
THAT WE MAKE OUR OWN MUSIC.
I BEG OF YOU, SEÑOR,
TAKE BACK THE...
- SEÑORA, I'M A VERY
STUBBORN CABALLERO.
I DON'T HEAR A WORD YOU SAY.
HEY, WE'VE GOTTA GO.
COME ON, ZELDA, MAYNARD.
FROM ALL OF US,
A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!
- ADIOS.
- BYE! BYE!
- HASTY LUMBAGO!
- AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, SEÑOR SANTA.
- COME AND GET IT, DEAR!
- YEAH, COURTESY
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOUR FRIENDLY
NEIGHBORHOOD GROCER!
TAKE IT EASY ON THE TURKEY, HUH?
IT COST 58 CENTS A
POUND WHOLESALE.
- HO HO HO HO, CLASSMATES!
- MAYNARD, WHERE
ARE YOUR BONGOS?
WE NEED THEM FOR DANCING.
- WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS, DOBE.
I WAS BRINGIN' THEM,
BUT ON THE WAY OVER,
I RAN INTO THIS RAGGED...
- RAGGED, LITTLE WAIF.
- YOU TOO? THAT'S ALMOST
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!
RELAX, DOBE. I TOOK CARE
OF THE WHOLE SHOOTIN' MATCH.
ONE, TWO, THREE!
- [MARIACHI MUSIC]
- BUENAS TARDES, SEÑOR.
- BUENAS TARDES, SEÑORA.
BUENAS TARDES, SEÑOR PEPE.
- YOU WOULD NOT
TAKE BACK THE MONEY,
SO PERHAPS WE CAN EXPRESS
OUR GREAT GRATITUDE TO YOU
WITH THESE GIFTS, THE PIÑATA
WITH THE PRESENTS
FOR THE CHILDREN IN IT.
TOMA YA.
AND THE MUSIC WHICH WILL
TELL YOU WHAT IS IN OUR HEARTS.
- THANK YOU, SEÑORA.
SEÑORITA ZELDA, MAY
I HAVE THIS DANCE?
- YOU BET YOUR BOOTS, MUCHACHO.
- HEY, THIS IS GONNA TURN
OUT ALL RIGHT AFTER ALL!
SEÑORA WINNIE, MAY
I HAVE THIS DANCE?
- YOU BET YOUR SERAPE, MUCHACHO!
- OOH, OOH, LIKE, EXCUSE ME.
- HEY! HEY!
HEY!
- LIKE THIS!
- OOH! AAH!
- ARLENE FRANCIS, I PRESUME.
MAYNARD...
COME ALONG.
MAYNARD.
- YAY! YAY!
- HEH HEH, YOU KNOW, WINNIE,
THAT MAYNARD IS A
SOFT, WARMHEARTED BOY.
- I'M GLAD YOU'VE CHANGED
YOUR OPINION OF HIM.
- WHO CHANGED THEIR OPINION?
HE IS A SOFT, HARDHEARTED
BOY WHO'S A DIM-WIT.
- OH, HERBERT.
- OH, JUST A LITTLE
CHRISTMAS JOLLYING.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S STILL
EARLY AND I'M HUNGRY.
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
- GOOD THINKING.
LET'S GO OVER TO MY
HOUSE AND I'LL WHIP UP
SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS.
- GREAT.
- AND I GOT A WHOLE
BIG WAD OF MISTLETOE
HUNG RIGHT OVER THE FRONT DOOR.
- ZELDA, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.
- WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?
- HEY, WALTER, WHAT
ARE YOU MADE UP FOR?
- OH, I GOTTA BE SANTA
CLAUS FOR MY SISTER'S KIDS,
DOGGONE IT.
- DOGGONE IT?
WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT?
BEING A SANTA CLAUS IS AN HONOR!
DON'T TAKE IT
LIGHTLY, MY GOOD MAN!
YOU CALL YOURSELF A
SANTA CLAUS? LIKE HA!
STICK OUT THAT TUMMY!
FLUFF UP THAT BEARD!
PRACTICE THOSE HO HO HOs!
- OH, HO HO HO!
- OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.
LET'S GO [DEEP VOICE] HO HO HO!
- OH, HO HO HO!
- AGAIN! PUT YOUR
STOMACH INTO IT!
- Both: OH, HO HO
HO! OH, HO HO HO!