The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 10 - This Town Ain't Big Enough for Me and Robert Browning - full transcript
In discussing the life and works of poet Robert Browning in Mr. Pomfritt's class, specifically the line "ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for", Dobie believes he should shoot for the stars and try to reach what, or who, has been been so far unattainable, namely the beautiful, popular, wealthy but slightly dimwitted and vain Poppy Jordan. Zelda gives Dobie notice that if he tries to go running after Poppy, she won't be there for him to go running back to after things with Poppy fail. Dobie maps out a plan of attack to obtain Poppy, but he has to decide if implementing that plan is worth the risk of losing Zelda forever, she who has stated before that she would leave him if he tried such a stunt. Dobie's decision may fundamentally affect his relationships with both Mr. Pomfritt and his father, who give him differing advice on the situation.
- GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
UH, STUDENTS... AND, OF COURSE,
I USE THE TERM JOCULARLY...
PLEASE OPEN YOUR
TEXTBOOKS TO PAGE 208.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO TAKE UP
THE WORKS OF ROBERT BROWNING.
MR. KREBS...
- PRESENT.
- CAN YOU TELL US WHO
ROBERT BROWNING WAS?
AND I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION.
- WELL, I GOT A BIG SURPRISE
FOR YOU, MR. POMFRITT,
YOUR PROFESSORSHIP,
SIR, IT JUST SO HAPPENS
I DO KNOW WHO
ROBERT BROWNING WAS.
- YES, MR. KREBS, THAT WOULD
BE A BIG SURPRISE FOR ME.
ALL RIGHT. WHO, PRAY,
WAS ROBERT BROWNING?
- WELL, SIR, HE WAS THIS GUY
WHO LIVED ON THE
CORNER OF 9th AND LOCUST,
BIG SON-OF-A-GUN,
KIND OF A BALD HEAD,
AND ALWAYS SMOKED A BIG CIGAR.
- NO, MR. KREBS, THAT WAS
NOT ROBERT BROWNING.
- OH, BEGGING YOUR PARDON,
YOUR CAP-AND-GOWNSHIP,
THAT WAS TOO ROBERT BROWNING.
I KNEW HIM GOOD.
I MEAN EVERY NIGHT WHEN
I WALKED BY HIS HOUSE
HE'D BE SITTING THERE
ON HIS PORCH ROCKING
AND I'D SAY, "HOW-DO,
MR. BROWNING?"
HE'D SAY, "HOW-DO, MAYNARD."
WE WERE, LIKE, BUDDIES.
- HEY, MAYNARD...
- IN FACT, HE'S
KINDA LIKE MY HERO.
HE WAS A CRANE OPERATOR, SEE.
HE USED TO RUN THIS BIG
CRANE WITH THIS LONG WIRE
AND THIS STAINLESS
STEEL BALL AT THE END.
WHAT HE'D DO IS HE'D
KNOCK DOWN OLD BUILDINGS.
HE'D TAKE THE BIG
STAINLESS STEEL BALL
AND... AND... AND... AND... AND...
- YEAH.
[JAZZ THEME]
- MISS JORDAN, COULD YOU TELL US
SOMETHING ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- ROBERT WHO?
- BROWNING, THE POET?
- POETRY, UGH, I THINK
POETRY'S JUST ICKY.
- INDEED AND WHAT IS NOT ICKY?
- OH, DREAMY BOYS WITH
YELLOW CONVERTIBLES
THAT DANCE DIVINELY
AND WEAR ITALIAN SUITS
AND KNOW FUNNY LITTLE
FRENCH RESTAURANTS
WHERE THEY LET YOU MIX
YOUR OWN SALAD DRESSING.
- THANK YOU, MISS JORDAN.
MAY YOUR LIFE BE FILLED
WITH OIL AND VINEGAR.
- MISS GILROY, COULD YOU
PLEASE TELL US SOMETHING
ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- SURE COULD.
ROBERT BROWNING WAS
BORN IN 1812, DIED IN 1889,
AND WROTE WHAT IS
LARGELY CONSIDERED
TO BE THE MOST ROBUST
DRAMATIC POETRY IN ENGLISH
SINCE SHAKESPEARE.
- EXCELLENT, MISS
GILROY, AS USUAL.
100 PERCENT CORRECT.
- YOU HEAR THAT, DOBIE?
SMART AS A WHIP,
PRETTY AS A PICTURE,
STRONG AS A MULE,
GENTLE AS A LAMB,
LOYAL AS A DOG AND ALL YOURS.
WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?
- I COULD. IN FACT, I AM.
- NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HER?
- WHY NOT?
- SHE'S RICH, BEAUTIFUL,
POPULAR, THE BELLE
OF THE WHOLE CAMPUS.
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- I'LL SHOW YOU. HEY, POPPY.
- HMM?
- YOU WANT DOBIE?
- GOOD HEAVENS, WHATEVER FOR?
- I REST MY CASE.
- PLEASE DO REST
YOUR CASE, MISS GILROY.
NOW, I YIELD TO NO MAN IN
MY ADMIRATION FOR ROMANCE,
IF ROMANCE IS THE PROPER WORD
FOR THIS CURIOUS
LINGERING AFFLICTION
BETWEEN YOU AND MR. GILLIS,
BUT RIGHT NOW I
WOULD LIKE TO READ
SOME TYPICAL VERSE
OF ROBERT BROWNING'S.
- SURE, MR. POMFRITT, GO AHEAD.
- YOU'RE VERY KIND.
[CLEARING THROAT]
"AH, BUT A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP,
OR WHAT'S A HEAVEN FOR?"
MR. GILLIS, CAN YOU TELL
US WHAT THOSE LINES MEAN?
- WELL, I THINK THEY MEAN THAT IF
A GUY REALLY WANTS SOMETHING,
I MEAN REALLY AND TRULY,
HE SHOULD GO AFTER IT
EVEN IF IT SEEMS
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET.
- YOU ASTONISH ME,
MR. GILLIS, AND PLEASANTLY.
THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT
ROBERT BROWNING IS SAYING.
- LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,
IF THERE WAS A GIRL
WHO WAS GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL
AND POPULAR AND DESIRABLE
AND THE BELLE OF
THE WHOLE CAMPUS,
AND THERE WAS A GUY
WHO WAS JUST AN AVERAGE,
TYPICAL AMERICAN BOY,
WHY, HE SHOULDN'T SAY,
"I'M LICKED, I'LL
NEVER GET HER."
HE SHOULD TRY WITH
ALL HIS MIGHT TO WIN HER
EVEN IF IT MEANS
DUMPING ANOTHER GIRL
WHO'S NOT SO GORGEOUS
AND BEAUTIFUL AND
POPULAR AND DESIRABLE.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
THIS OTHER GIRL MAY
NOT BE A BEAUTY WINNER
BUT SHE'S A HUMAN PERSON
WITH FEELINGS AND DIGNITY.
AND IF THIS GUY THINKS HE
CAN COME RUNNING BACK TO HER
ANYTIME HE STRIKES
OUT ELSEWHERE,
WELL, SHE'S GOT NEWS FOR HIM:
THE NEXT TIME HE WALKS
OUT WILL BE THE LAST TIME.
- YOU'LL FORGIVE ME,
BUT WEREN'T WE TALKING
ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- WE STILL ARE.
AND THIS GIRL IS SERVING
NOTICE RIGHT NOW
THAT A CERTAIN GUY'S REACH
BETTER NOT EXCEED HIS GRASP
OR HE'S GONNA END UP WITH
A BIG FAT ZERO ALL AROUND.
- BUT, MR. POMFRITT, ISN'T
THAT BROWNING'S POINT?
I MEAN EVEN IF YOU'RE GONNA
GO DOWN TO UTTER, TOTAL,
COMPLETE RUIN YOU'VE
GOTTA... YOU'VE GOTTA TRY TO GET
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
YOU'VE GOTTA REACH
BEYOND YOUR GRASP, TRUE?
- WELL, YES, IT'S TRUE BUT...
- THANK YOU.
POPPY, MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL...
- HMM?
- WILL YOU COME WITH ME TONIGHT
TO A FUNNY LITTLE PLACE I KNOW
WHERE THEY LET YOU KNOW
MIX YOUR OWN SALAD DRESSING?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW. CALL ME.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE,
I WARNED YOU.
- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST
ZELDA, YOU UNDERSTAND.
SHE'S A FINE GIRL WITH A
GIANT IQ AND A BIG HEART
AND NOT A SINGLE CAVITY
IN HER WHOLE MOUTH.
I LIKE HER. I RESPECT HER.
I ADMIRE HER. BUT LOVE HER?
NO, NO. WHO I LOVE
IS POPPY JORDAN
BECAUSE LIKE ROBERT
BROWNING SAYS,
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP.
I'M GONNA GET POPPY.
IT'LL TAKE PERSEVERANCE,
PATIENCE, INGENUITY
AND MOST OF ALL...
- MONEY?
- YES, DAD, I'M
TAKING SOME MONEY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- WELL, YOU KEEP
REACHING LIKE THAT
AND YOU WILL BE GRASPING WITH
A HANDFUL OF SHORT FINGERS.
- DAD, I'LL PUT IN MY
I.O.U., I'LL WORK IT OFF.
- SHAME ON YOU, HERBERT.
YOU THINK THE BOY IS A THIEF?
WHY, HE NEVER STOLE
ANYTHING IN HIS LIFE.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHTm
BUT YOU MUST ADMIT
HE HAS MADE A LOT
OF UNSECURED LOANS.
- DAD, LISTEN TO ME.
ROBERT BROWNING SAID...
- ROBERT BROWNING?
OH, YOU MEAN THE GUY
WHO RUNS THE CRANE
WITH THE BIG IRON BALL ON IT
AND KNOCKS DOWN BUILDINGS?
- THAT'S NOT HIM.
- OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN SEE
HOW A FELLA COULD GET CONFUSED.
- ROBERT BROWNING
WAS A FAMOUS POET.
HE WROTE...
HE WROTE... WELL, ANYHOW,
HE WAS VERY FAMOUS.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, THAT ROBERT BROWNING, HUH?
WHERE DID YOU RUN INTO HIM, SON?
- UH, NO, DAD, HE'S DEAD.
- OH, SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
HE LEFT THE WIDOW
WELL-FIXED, I SUPPOSE.
- HERBERT, WILL YOU LET THE
BOY SAY WHAT HE'S GOING TO?
- SO WHO'S STOPPING HIM?
- UH, THANKS.
WELL, ROBERT BROWNING,
THE ENGLISH POET, SAID,
"A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP
OR WHAT'S A HEAVEN FOR?"
NOW, THAT MEANS...
- OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL.
- UH, NOW, THAT MEANS
IF YOU FIND A GIRL...
- I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
IT MEANS IF YOU'VE
GOT A HANKERING
FOR SOMETHING BIG AND WONDERFUL
AND WAY OUT OF YOUR REACH
YOU SHOULD GO OUT
AND TRY TO GET IT
NO MATTER WHAT YOUR
GOOD SENSE TELLS YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S WRONG!
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
BE JUST AS LONG AS HIS ARM.
DON'T REACH FOR
ANYTHING YOU CAN'T GRAB.
KNOW YOUR LIMITATION.
LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT. I DID.
- THANKS A LOT!
- OH, WINNIE!
WINNIE, NOW, JUST A MINUTE!
REMEMBER... WINNIE,
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
YOU ARE A FINE WOMAN
AND A GREAT WIFE
AND A WONDERFUL MOTHER
AND YOU KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE
AND YOU COOK A GOOD MEAL AND...
- UH, LOOK, MOM, DAD, I'M
PROUD OF YOU, BOTH OF YOU,
REALLY I AM BUT, UH, FRANKLY
I'D LIKE SOMETHING BETTER.
YOU GOT ME DOING IT.
BUT WHAT I MEAN IS, WELL...
WELL, I HOPE I'M AS
LUCKY AS YOU TWO ARE
BUT, WELL, LIKE
ROBERT BROWNING SAID,
"A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP."
- YOU KNOW, I AM GOING TO SPEAK
TO THE BISON EDUCATIONAL LEAGUE
ABOUT THIS GUY BROWNING.
HE SOUNDS LIKE SOME
KIND OF A COMMUNIST TO ME.
- HERBERT, LET THE BOY
TRY TO EXCEED HIS GRASP.
HE'S YOUNG, AND IF HE
GETS HIS NOSE BLOODIED,
WELL, I GUESS HE'LL RECOVER.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, WINNIE.
LET HIM GO OUT
AND GET CLOBBERED.
AFTER ALL, ZELDA WILL
ALWAYS BE WAITING THERE
WHENEVER HE COMES
BACK, RIGHT, SON?
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
SHE SAID IF I TRIED IT ONCE
MORE SHE WAS THROUGH WITH ME.
- BIG TALK.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR
MOTHER SAID TO ME
WHEN I WENT CHASING OFF
AFTER CUDDLES KINDERVACHER
BUT THERE SHE WAS,
LIGHT IN THE
WINDOW WAITING ALL...
HEY, HERE, TAKE YOUR MONEY
AND GET OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?
THIS IS A PLACE OF BUSINESS.
I CAN'T STAND AROUND
YAKKING ALL DAY.
- LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- BYE, MAYNARD.
- WHATCHA DOING?
- WRITING. GOODBYE, MAYNARD.
- OH. AND WHAT...
WHATCHA WRITING?
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO, ARE YOU?
- MM-MM. WHATCHA WRITING?
- WELL, MAYNARD,
I GUESS YOU COULD
CALL IT A PLAN OF BATTLE.
- HEY, WILD. WHO YOU
GONNA DO BATTLE WITH?
- POPPY JORDAN.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW, DOBE.
I MEAN YOU'RE GIVING
AWAY A LOT OF WEIGHT,
SO IF YOU STAY IN THERE CLOSE
AND GIVE HER A GOOD ONE...
HERE, AND THEN
YOU COULD GO WITH...
THE OLD SHOTZNER AND THEN...
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
MAYNARD, I'M NOT GONNA
FIGHT POPPY, NOT THAT WAY.
MY BATTLE'S GONNA BE TO
WIN HER HEART AND SOUL.
AND I WILL, MAYNARD, I WILL.
TONIGHT POPPY WILL BE MINE.
- YEAH, AND TOMORROW
YOU'RE GONNA COME
CRAWLING BACK TO ZELDA.
- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- YES, I AM. YOU'RE
RIGHT, MAYNARD.
WHO AM I KIDDING?
POPPY'S WAY OUT OF MY REACH.
I JUST BETTER PLAY IT COZY
AND HANG ONTO WHAT I'VE GOT.
- GOOD THINKING.
- BAD THINKING.
- HELLO, MR. POMFRITT.
- LIKE, HI, YOUR PhD-SHIP.
- PLAYING IT COZY, HANG
ONTO WHAT YOU'VE GOT?
DOBIE, DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN
TO THE THINGS I SAY IN CLASS?
- YES, SIR.
- I DON'T.
- NOW, DOBIE, EVEN A
MEMORY AS FLEETING AS YOURS
MUST BE ABLE TO
RECALL WHAT I QUOTED
FROM ROBERT
BROWNING THIS MORNING.
- YES, SIR, I REMEMBER.
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- EXACTLY. NOW, DOES THAT
SOUND LIKE PLAYING IT COZY?
- THEN YOU THINK ROBERT BROWNING
WAS RIGHT ABOUT A MAN'S REACH?
- OF COURSE HE WAS.
NOW, WHATEVER YOU WANT, DOBIE,
NO MATTER HOW
UNATTAINABLE IT MAY SEEM
YOU'VE GOT TO TRY TO GET IT.
IF I HAVEN'T TAUGHT YOU ONE
OTHER THING IN ALL THE YEARS
I'VE HAD YOU AS A STUDENT...
AND THE ODDS ARE RATHER STRONGLY
IN FAVOR OF THAT POSSIBILITY...
THEN I WILL STILL CONSIDER
MY JOB AS A TEACHER FULFILLED
IF I CAN JUST BRING HOME
THIS ONE POINT TO YOU:
DON'T PLAY IT SAFE.
DON'T PLAY IT COZY.
LET YOUR REACH
EXCEED YOUR GRASP.
- I'LL DO IT,
MR. POMFRITT, I'LL DO IT.
- [SIGHS] GOOD BOY, DOBIE.
AND IF YOU FAIL...
- WHICH HE WILL.
- IF YOU FAIL, DOBIE,
JUST PICK YOURSELF UP,
DUST YOURSELF
OFF AND TRY IT AGAIN.
- YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR.
- GOODBYE, BOYS.
- GOODBYE, SIR.
- GOODBYE, YOUR
CAP-AND-GOWNSHIP.
- NOW, MAYNARD,
I'VE GOT TO GET READY
FOR THE BIG NIGHT WITH POPPY.
- DOBE, DON'T.
- DON'T WHAT?
- DON'T GO OUT WITH
POPPY JORDAN TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA STRIKE OUT AND
ZELDA AIN'T GONNA TAKE YOU BACK.
- MAYNARD, IN THE FIRST PLACE
I AM NOT GONNA STRIKE OUT.
I AM GONNA WIN BECAUSE A MAN'S
REACH SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
AND IN THE SECOND PLACE,
EVEN IF I DO STRIKE OUT
WHICH I AM NOT GOING TO,
ZELDA WILL TAKE ME BACK.
- BUT SHE SAID THAT...
- SHE'S SAID THAT BEFORE.
- NOT THE WAY SHE
SAID IT THIS TIME.
DID YOU SEE HOW BEADY
HER BEADY LITTLE EYES WERE?
DID YOU SEE HOW TIGHT
HER TIGHT LITTLE MOUTH WAS?
DID YOU SEE HOW ROUND
HER ROUND LITTLE CHIN WAS?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE A WORRIER.
- ALL RIGHT. DOBE, GO AHEAD.
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND
AS THOSE WHO WILL NOT SEE.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
- ON A LITTLE CARD
FROM THE WEIGH MACHINE.
- BYE, MAYNARD.
- GO AHEAD, DOBE, GO AHEAD.
FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE
ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD.
FORTUNE COOKIE.
- AH, HERE WE ARE, MY DEAR.
A FUNNY LITTLE FRENCH RESTAURANT
THAT HARDLY ANYBODY KNOWS ABOUT.
- FRENCH RESTAURANT?
IT'S A MALT SHOP.
- ONLY TO THOSE
WHO AREN'T IN LOVE.
TONIGHT, MY DEAR, WE
CREATE OUR OWN PARIS.
- OH, BROTHER.
- OKAY, KENNY, THEY'RE HERE.
- GEE, ZELDA, I DON'T
KNOW IF SHOULD.
YOU GAVE ME A FIVER
TO DO A FRENCH ACCENT.
- COME ON, A DEAL'S A DEAL. I
DID YOUR HOMEWORK, DIDN'T I?
- WELL, OKAY.
- AN ENCHANTING LITTLE
BISTRO, HUH, MY LOVE?
- LET'S HURRY AND EAT
SO I CAN GET HOME, HMM?
- HOME, MY JEWEL?
BUT THE NIGHT IS SO YOUNG
AND YOU ARE SO RAVISHING.
- ORDER, HEY?
- OF COURSE, MY OWN.
GARÇON?
- OUI, MONSIEUR?
- HMM...
UH, I'D LIKE TO ORDER A
GOURMET DINNER FOR TWO.
- GOURMET DINNER
FOR TWO. OUI, MONSIEUR.
- UH, WHAT IS THE, UH,
SPECIALITÉ OF THE HOUSE?
- FROZEN PIZZA.
- MM-HMM.
DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?
- PERHAPS, MONSIEUR. HAVE
YOU EVER BEEN IN PAREE?
- UH, PAREE, FRANCE?
- OUI.
- UH, NO.
- COME ON, I HAVE
TO GET HOME, DOPEY.
- UH, THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
UH, TWO FROZEN PIZZAS
AND A TOSSED GREEN SALAD.
I'LL MIX THE DRESSING MYSELF.
- ENCHANTÉ, MONSIEUR.
- HEY...
YOU'RE SURE I DON'T KNOW YOU.
- HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN IN MARSEILLE?
- MARSEILLE, FRANCE?
- OUI.
- COME ON ALREADY.
- UH, THAT'LL BE ALL, GARÇON.
- OUI, MERCI, MONSIEUR.
- MM-HMM.
WELL, MY DEAR, WHAT SHALL
WE DO THIS GLORIOUS EVENING?
- WE SHALL FINISH OUR DINNER
AND WE SHALL TAKE ME HOME.
- HOME? BUT I MADE SUCH PLANS.
UH, THE OPERA, PERHAPS?
- OPERA? ALL THOSE FAT
PEOPLE SINGING AT EACH OTHER?
- THE BALLET?
- ALL THOSE GIRLS
WITH BULGY LEGS?
- THE MOVIES?
- HOME.
BUT WHY MUST YOU
BE HOME SO EARLY?
- BECAUSE.
- BECAUSE WHY?
- JUST BECAUSE.
- I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE TEASING
ME, MY LITTLE MINX.
- I TEASE YOU NOT. IT'S
CHOW AND HOMESVILLE.
- VOILÀ, FINI. I UNDERSTAND
MONSIEUR WISHES
TO MIX HIS SALAD
DRESSING HIMSELF.
- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE
WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
NEAR ALSACE-LORRAINE?
- NO, BUT I'VE BEEN
NEAR ZELDA GILROY.
ZELDA, SHAME ON YOU.
- YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
DOBIE. SHAME ON ME.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME,
THE LAST TIME THERE'LL
BE SHAME ON ME.
- ZELDA, HOW CAN YOU
SPY ON ME LIKE THIS?
- A WOMAN IN LOVE
CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT FINALLY THERE COMES A POINT
WHERE SHE JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE.
GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- LOOK, ZELDA,
I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN
TELLING YOU IT'S NO USE.
UH, WHY DON'T WE JUST
START ALL OVER AGAIN
AND JUST BE FRIENDS?
- DOBIE, THERE'S TWO
THINGS WE CAN BE
AND FRIENDS ISN'T ONE OF THEM.
WE CAN BE LOVERS OR
WE CAN BE STRANGERS.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- HEY, YOU GONNA EAT YOUR PIZZA?
- HMM?
OH, NO, NO. HELP
YOURSELF, MY DEAR.
- MIX THE SALAD
DRESSING, WILL YOU?
I'M KIND OF IN A HURRY.
- OF COURSE, MY SWEET.
UH, THIS DRESSING, MY DEAR, IS
A SECRET RECIPE KNOWN BUT
BY THREE PEOPLE ON EARTH,
ALL SWORN TO SILENCE.
- YEAH, YEAH, I GOTTA GET HOME.
- NONSENSE, MY CHILD. AFTER
DINNER WE'LL GO DANCING.
- WE'LL GO HOME.
- CANOEING?
- HOME!
- BOWLING.
- HOME.
- UH, LOOK, POPPY,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DO
YOU HAVE TO BE HOME SO EARLY?
[CAR HORN TOOTS OUTSIDE]
- DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
- A LATE DATE?
- MM-HMM.
NIGHTY-NITE, DOPEY.
- THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
- SORRY, ROGER. I TRIED
TO GET RID OF HIM SOONER.
- A LATE DATE. OH,
WHAT A JERK I AM.
- LIKE, TRUE, GOOD BUDDY.
- I WONDER HOW DOBIE MADE OUT
WITH THAT NEW GIRL LAST NIGHT.
- I DON'T HAVE TO WONDER.
HE GOT CLOBBERED,
THAT'S HOW HE MADE OUT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, DAD.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WELL, WHAT'D I TELL YOU, SON?
- YOU TOLD ME A MAN OUGHT
TO PLAY IT COZY, PLAY IT SAFE,
AND YOU WERE RIGHT,
DAD, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU'RE A VERY SMART MAN.
- UH, YOU BET YOUR BOOTS I AM.
I AM?
- HE IS?
- FROM NOW ON, DAD,
WHAT YOU SAY GOES.
IF YOU'RE KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE
ME THE BENEFIT OF YOUR ADVICE,
WELL, I... I OUGHT TO HAVE
SENSE ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.
- HMM.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR?
- NOTHIN'.
- AREN'T YOU HAPPY
BECAUSE DOBIE IS GOING
TO LISTEN TO YOUR ADVICE
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
- YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
- I KNOW THE TRUTH,
YOU'RE SCARED STIFF.
- WINNIE, I AM PARALYZED. THE
KID REALLY THREW ME A CURVE.
- BUT FOR ALL THESE
YEARS YOU'VE BEEN YELLING
THAT DOBIE OUGHT
TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- SURE, BECAUSE I
KNEW HE WOULDN'T.
WINNIE, IT IS FAIRLY EASY
FOR PARENTS TO
ADVISE THEIR CHILDREN,
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT THE KID IS
RIGHT AND THE PARENT IS WRONG,
WELL, THAT'S FINE,
BECAUSE, AFTER ALL,
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
FOR THE KID TO BE OKAY.
MM-HMM?
- YES, DEAR.
- AND IF IT TURNS OUT
THAT THE PARENT IS RIGHT
AND THE KID IS WRONG,
YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY...
- I TOLD YOU SO.
- RIGHT.
- WHICH IS A MIGHTY
GOOD FEELING.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY IS.
SO WHEN PARENTS
ADVISE THEIR CHILDREN,
NO MATTER WHICH
WAY IT TURNS OUT,
THE PARENT HAS TO
WIND UP A WINNER.
PROVIDING, OF COURSE, THE
KID DON'T TAKE THE ADVICE.
- BUT DOBIE PULLED A SWITCH.
HE'S GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- OH, THAT WAS A
SNEAKY THING TO DO.
- WHICH MEANS THAT FROM
NOW ON WHEN YOU GIVE ADVICE
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
- OH, WHAT A TERRIBLE
THING TO DO TO A MAN.
- OH, DON'T WORRY,
HERBERT. IT'S NOT SO BAD.
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE
NOT UNINTELLIGENT.
- YES, I AM.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- DON'T AGREE SO FAST.
- ALL RIGHT. WELL, DEAR,
YOU KNOW WHERE I STAND,
BUT YOU DO HAVE THE
BOY'S WELFARE AT HEART.
AND I'M SURE THAT IF
YOU THINK HARD ENOUGH
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP
WITH THE RIGHT ADVICE FOR HIM.
- WINNIE, WHEN HE
WAS FIVE YEARS OLD,
THEN I COULD GIVE
HIM THE RIGHT ADVICE:
DON'T PLAY IN TRAFFIC.
DON'T SIT ON A HOT STOVE.
BUT HE IS NO LONGER
FIVE YEARS OLD.
HE IS A YOUNG MAN.
AND DON'T EVER
TELL HIM I SAID SO,
BUT HE'S A HECK OF A
LOT SMARTER THAN I AM
ABOUT THE THINGS
OF HIS WORLD ANYWAY.
LOOK, I'M JUST A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
TRYING TO SCRATCH OUT A
LIVING IN A CORNER GROCERY
AND HE'S GOT THE WHOLE
UNIVERSE IN HIS MIND.
NOW HE COMES ALONG AND
WANTS ME TO GIVE HIM ADVICE.
WINNIE, I AM LOST.
- DON'T DESPAIR, HERBERT.
THINGS ARE NOT AS
BLACK AS THEY SEEM.
- OH, LIKE HECK THEY AIN'T.
- BELIEVE ME, THEY'RE NOT
BECAUSE SOMETHING WONDERFUL
IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON.
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE DOBIE IS GOING TO FORGET
ALL THE PROMISES THAT
HE MADE THIS MORNING
AND START IGNORING YOU
JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO, WINNIE?
HONESTLY?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- OH, HE'S A GOOD
BOY, THAT DOBIE.
YOU SURE HE'S GONNA IGNORE ME?
- POSITIVE.
- OH, HE'S A GREAT
COMFORT TO HIS OLD DAD.
AND YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD
COMFORT TO YOUR OLD HUSBAND, TOO.
HEY, COME HERE, DOLL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T OL' ZEL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T OL' MAYN.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
MUST BE MIGHTY FANCY.
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN TRACKING
ME FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS.
- MIND IF I SIT HERE?
- NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- HEY, UH, ZEL,
YOU LOOK LIKE, UM,
LI-LIKE REAL PRETTY TODAY.
- LIKE, THANKS.
- I MEAN... I MEAN, UM,
YOUR NOSE IS SO NICE AND SHINY.
- STOP, MAYNARD, YOU'LL
TURN MY HEAD WITH PRAISE.
- OH, I WOULDN'T DO THAT, ZELDA.
IF I TURNED YOUR HEAD,
YOU'D KEEP RUNNING AROUND
BUMPING INTO THINGS.
- GOOD THINKING.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- WELL, WELL WHAT?
- WELL, WELL, I'D... I'D LIKE TO ASK
YOU A HYPODERMICAL QUESTION.
- THAT'S HYPOTHETICAL,
AND THE ANSWER'S NO.
- ZELD, YOU CAN'T DUMP
DOBIE. HE NEEDS YOU.
- HE SHOULD'VE THOUGHT
OF THAT EARLIER.
- WELL, LET'S PUT IT
THIS WAY. YOU NEED HIM.
I MEAN WHERE'S A CHICK LIKE
YOU GONNA FIND ANOTHER GUY?
NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD.
AND THE ANSWER IS I DON'T KNOW
WHERE I'M GONNA FIND ANOTHER GUY
OR EVEN IF I'M GONNA
FIND ANOTHER GUY.
ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A
LITTLE BIT OF PRIDE LEFT
AND I INTEND TO HANG ONTO IT.
- BUT YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH
LIFE ALL ALONE, SMALL GIRL.
- WHO SAYS I CAN'T?
- ME, I JUST SAID.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
- THERE'S LOTS OF OTHER
THINGS BESIDES LOVE.
I'LL STUDY HARD, MAYBE
BECOME A BIG SCIENTIST
OR DOCTOR OR
MISSIONARY OR SOMETHING.
- YOU THOUGHT THIS THROUGH.
I MEAN YOUR HEAD'S MADE UP?
- ABSOLUTELY. SO YOU CAN
TELL YOUR FRIEND DOBIE...
NEVER MIND, I'LL
TELL HIM MYSELF.
DOBIE, I KNOW YOU'RE
HIDING DOWN THERE.
COME ON OUT. COME ON, COME ON!
- HEY, ZELDA, LISTEN.
- NO, DOBIE, YOU LISTEN.
I'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU.
THE FIRST ONE IS GOOD, GOT THAT?
THE SECOND ONE IS BYE.
PUT THEM ALL
TOGETHER, THEY SPELL...
- GOODBYE?
- GOODBYE.
- HEY, ZELDA.
LOOK, LOOK, ZELDA...
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA HAVE ME.
- I'M AFRAID SO,
MAYNARD. I'M AFRAID SO.
- AND AS ROBERT BROWNING
SO LYRICALLY PUTS IT
IN "PIPPA PASSES,"
"THE YEAR'S AT THE SPRING,
THE DAY'S AT THE MORN,
MORNING'S AT SEVEN,
THE HILLSIDE'S DEW-PEARLED,
THE LARK'S ON THE WING,
THE SNAIL'S ON THE THORN,
GOD'S IN HIS HEAVEN,
ALL'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD."
[CLASS BELL RINGS]
- CLASS, EXCEPT FOR
DOBIE GILLIS, DISMISSED.
MR. KREBS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M WITH DOBIE.
- YOU MIGHT AS WELL
TALK, MR. POMFRITT.
MAYNARD WON'T LEAVE.
- THAT'S RIGHT,
'CAUSE I'M YOUR GOOD BUDDY.
- [SIGHS] VERY WELL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
DOBIE, OVER THE YEARS
I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED
TO YOUR INFINITE
VARIETY OF MOODS
BUT I MUST CONFESS THAT I'VE
NEVER SEEN YOU IN SUCH A FUNK
AS THE ONE YOU'RE IN TODAY.
NOW, IS ANYTHING WRONG?
- NO, SIR.
- YES, SIR.
AND IT'S ALL YOUR
FAULT, MR. POMFRITT.
DOBIE'S WHOLE LIFE IS
WRECKED ON ACCOUNT OF YOU.
- ME? WHAT DID I DO?
- TELLING HIM ALL THAT JAZZ
ABOUT A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
SHAME ON YOU
TEACHING JUNK LIKE THAT
TO US POOR, INNOCENT,
LOVABLE, SWEET KIDS.
- THAT JUNK, MR. KREBS,
HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST
LOFTY THOUGHTS IN
THE ENTIRE LANGUAGE.
- SO HOW COME YOU
DON'T BELIEVE IT?
- BUT I DO, I BELIEVE
IT WITH ALL MY HEART.
- UH, CAN I SPEAK FREELY,
MR. POMFRITT, NO HOLDS BARRED?
- GO AHEAD, DOBIE, SPEAK FREELY.
- ALL RIGHT. MR. POMFRITT,
WHAT RIGHT HAVE YOU GOT
TO TALK ABOUT A MAN'S REACH?
NO OFFENSE, BUT WHAT
HAVE YOU ACCOMPLISHED?
I MEAN... I MEAN, HERE YOU
ARE, JUST A PLAIN INSTRUCTOR
IN A LITTLE BACKWATER COLLEGE
TEACHING FRESHMAN ENGLISH,
PILING UP YEARS AND
WAITING FOR YOUR PENSION.
S-SURE IT'S AN IMPORTANT JOB
AND SURE YOU'RE GOOD AT IT BUT...
BUT IS THIS THE
EXTENT OF YOUR REACH?
IS... IS THIS ALL YOU EVER
WANTED OUT OF LIFE?
- NO, DOBIE, IT'S NOT.
- THEN WHY AREN'T YOU
TRYING TO EXCEED YOUR GRASP?
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
TO BE A WRITER.
WELL, BUT WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING
INSTEAD OF PLAYING IT
SAFE IN THIS LITTLE COLLEGE?
- BECAUSE I KNOW
MY LIMITATIONS, DOBIE.
- AND I KNOW MINE.
- NO. YOU DON'T.
DON'T EVER LET ME HEAR YOU TALK
ABOUT LIMITATIONS AT YOUR AGE.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING, DOBIE,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
- NO, SIR.
- THIS IS A NOVEL.
I WROTE IT WHEN I
WAS EXACTLY YOUR AGE.
I ALSO WROTE EIGHT OTHER
NOVELS EQUALLY HEAVY.
FORTUNATELY I TORE THEM
UP AND THREW THEM AWAY.
I SHOULD'VE TORN THIS ONE
UP AND THROWN IT AWAY, TOO.
TERRIBLE.
BUT YOU SEE, AT YOUR AGE, DOBIE,
I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONNA
WRITE THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS
GONNA END UP A TEACHER
IN A BACKWATER COLLEGE.
WELL, I FOUND OUT THAT I
COULDN'T WRITE THAT NOVEL.
I FOUND OUT THAT ALL I WAS
GOOD FOR WAS TEACHING,
SO I SETTLED FOR THAT
AND I'M DARNED GLAD I DID
BECAUSE AT MY AGE
THERE'S NO HAPPINESS
UNLESS YOU KNOW
YOUR LIMITATIONS.
BUT AT YOUR AGE, DOBIE,
THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS.
YOU'VE GOT TO REACH
FOR THE STARS, DOBIE.
YOU'VE GOT TO REACH.
AND IF YOU FAIL YOU'VE
GOT TO REACH AGAIN.
LATER IS A TIME TO TALK
ABOUT LIMITATIONS, MUCH LATER.
BUT NOW... NOW YOU'RE YOUNG
AND YOU'RE FULL OF
BRIGHT, SHINING HOPE.
AND NOTHING BUT THE VERY
BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
- UH, MR. POMFRITT, WHAT I
SAID, I'M... I'M SORRY. HONEST.
- WELL, DON'T BE
SORRY, JUST FORGET IT.
BUT REMEMBER WHAT I'M
TRYING TO TELL YOU, DOBIE.
WHATEVER YOU WANT IN LIFE,
YOU GOT TO REACH
FOR, WHETHER IT'S A GIRL
OR A JOB OR... OR
A WAY OF LIVING.
YOU'VE GOT TO DIG
IN AND TRY FOR IT
WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT
BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY
WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET
WHAT YOU'RE AFTER.
AND WHEN YOU FAIL...
WELL, YOU WON'T
REALLY FAIL, DOBIE,
BECAUSE JUST THE
EFFORT OF... OF TRYING IS...
IS A WONDERFUL AND
ENRICHING EXPERIENCE.
- DOES THAT EVEN GO
FOR A FELLA LIKE ME, MR. P.?
- YOU BET IT DOES, MR. KREBS.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT THERE
AND SLUG FOR THE RECORD ALBUM
OR THAT NEW SET OF
BONGOS YOU WANT.
AND, BY GEORGE, IF
YOU DO, YOU'LL GET IT
BECAUSE NOTHING
WILL STAND IN YOUR WAY.
- LIKE, WOW, EVEN ME.
- LIKE, RICH MEN. REACH.
- THANKS, MR. POMFRITT.
- THERE SHE IS,
DOBE, GO, GO, GO.
- YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA,
MAYNARD, BUT THE WRONG CHICK.
- HI, ZELDA.
ZELDA?
- NO.
- LOOK, ZELDA. I KNOW
YOU'RE A GREAT HUMAN BEING
AND I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOU
BUT JUST THE SAME
I'M GOING AFTER YOU
UNTIL I GET YOU BACK BECAUSE...
BECAUSE A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- IT'S NO USE, DOBIE.
- I DON'T CARE. I'VE GOT TO TRY.
- DO YOU MEAN YOU
ARE GOING TO CHASE ME?
- YOU BET.
- THERE'S A SWITCH.
- I'M GONNA COURT YOU WITH
VIGOR AND DETERMINATION
AND ALL THE SKILL AT MY COMMAND.
- YOU MEAN YOU'LL SEND
ME CANDY AND FLOWERS?
- ORCHIDS AND CHOCOLATE CREAMS.
- AND YOU'LL OPEN DOORS FOR
ME AND HELP ME CROSS STREETS.
- AND THROW MY COAT ON MUD
PUDDLES FOR YOU TO WALK ACROSS.
UH, HAVE I GOT A CHANCE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
DOBIE. YOU CAN TRY.
- CAN I PHONE YOU?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- TONIGHT?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- OKAY, OKAY. I'LL
PHONE YOU TONIGHT.
- SO LONG, DOBIE.
- OH, ZELDA.
UH, ZELDA, UH, ONE MORE THING.
- YES?
- UH, COULD YOU LEND
ME A DIME FOR THE PHONE?
UH, STUDENTS... AND, OF COURSE,
I USE THE TERM JOCULARLY...
PLEASE OPEN YOUR
TEXTBOOKS TO PAGE 208.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO TAKE UP
THE WORKS OF ROBERT BROWNING.
MR. KREBS...
- PRESENT.
- CAN YOU TELL US WHO
ROBERT BROWNING WAS?
AND I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION.
- WELL, I GOT A BIG SURPRISE
FOR YOU, MR. POMFRITT,
YOUR PROFESSORSHIP,
SIR, IT JUST SO HAPPENS
I DO KNOW WHO
ROBERT BROWNING WAS.
- YES, MR. KREBS, THAT WOULD
BE A BIG SURPRISE FOR ME.
ALL RIGHT. WHO, PRAY,
WAS ROBERT BROWNING?
- WELL, SIR, HE WAS THIS GUY
WHO LIVED ON THE
CORNER OF 9th AND LOCUST,
BIG SON-OF-A-GUN,
KIND OF A BALD HEAD,
AND ALWAYS SMOKED A BIG CIGAR.
- NO, MR. KREBS, THAT WAS
NOT ROBERT BROWNING.
- OH, BEGGING YOUR PARDON,
YOUR CAP-AND-GOWNSHIP,
THAT WAS TOO ROBERT BROWNING.
I KNEW HIM GOOD.
I MEAN EVERY NIGHT WHEN
I WALKED BY HIS HOUSE
HE'D BE SITTING THERE
ON HIS PORCH ROCKING
AND I'D SAY, "HOW-DO,
MR. BROWNING?"
HE'D SAY, "HOW-DO, MAYNARD."
WE WERE, LIKE, BUDDIES.
- HEY, MAYNARD...
- IN FACT, HE'S
KINDA LIKE MY HERO.
HE WAS A CRANE OPERATOR, SEE.
HE USED TO RUN THIS BIG
CRANE WITH THIS LONG WIRE
AND THIS STAINLESS
STEEL BALL AT THE END.
WHAT HE'D DO IS HE'D
KNOCK DOWN OLD BUILDINGS.
HE'D TAKE THE BIG
STAINLESS STEEL BALL
AND... AND... AND... AND... AND...
- YEAH.
[JAZZ THEME]
- MISS JORDAN, COULD YOU TELL US
SOMETHING ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- ROBERT WHO?
- BROWNING, THE POET?
- POETRY, UGH, I THINK
POETRY'S JUST ICKY.
- INDEED AND WHAT IS NOT ICKY?
- OH, DREAMY BOYS WITH
YELLOW CONVERTIBLES
THAT DANCE DIVINELY
AND WEAR ITALIAN SUITS
AND KNOW FUNNY LITTLE
FRENCH RESTAURANTS
WHERE THEY LET YOU MIX
YOUR OWN SALAD DRESSING.
- THANK YOU, MISS JORDAN.
MAY YOUR LIFE BE FILLED
WITH OIL AND VINEGAR.
- MISS GILROY, COULD YOU
PLEASE TELL US SOMETHING
ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- SURE COULD.
ROBERT BROWNING WAS
BORN IN 1812, DIED IN 1889,
AND WROTE WHAT IS
LARGELY CONSIDERED
TO BE THE MOST ROBUST
DRAMATIC POETRY IN ENGLISH
SINCE SHAKESPEARE.
- EXCELLENT, MISS
GILROY, AS USUAL.
100 PERCENT CORRECT.
- YOU HEAR THAT, DOBIE?
SMART AS A WHIP,
PRETTY AS A PICTURE,
STRONG AS A MULE,
GENTLE AS A LAMB,
LOYAL AS A DOG AND ALL YOURS.
WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?
- I COULD. IN FACT, I AM.
- NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HER?
- WHY NOT?
- SHE'S RICH, BEAUTIFUL,
POPULAR, THE BELLE
OF THE WHOLE CAMPUS.
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- I'LL SHOW YOU. HEY, POPPY.
- HMM?
- YOU WANT DOBIE?
- GOOD HEAVENS, WHATEVER FOR?
- I REST MY CASE.
- PLEASE DO REST
YOUR CASE, MISS GILROY.
NOW, I YIELD TO NO MAN IN
MY ADMIRATION FOR ROMANCE,
IF ROMANCE IS THE PROPER WORD
FOR THIS CURIOUS
LINGERING AFFLICTION
BETWEEN YOU AND MR. GILLIS,
BUT RIGHT NOW I
WOULD LIKE TO READ
SOME TYPICAL VERSE
OF ROBERT BROWNING'S.
- SURE, MR. POMFRITT, GO AHEAD.
- YOU'RE VERY KIND.
[CLEARING THROAT]
"AH, BUT A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP,
OR WHAT'S A HEAVEN FOR?"
MR. GILLIS, CAN YOU TELL
US WHAT THOSE LINES MEAN?
- WELL, I THINK THEY MEAN THAT IF
A GUY REALLY WANTS SOMETHING,
I MEAN REALLY AND TRULY,
HE SHOULD GO AFTER IT
EVEN IF IT SEEMS
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET.
- YOU ASTONISH ME,
MR. GILLIS, AND PLEASANTLY.
THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT
ROBERT BROWNING IS SAYING.
- LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,
IF THERE WAS A GIRL
WHO WAS GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL
AND POPULAR AND DESIRABLE
AND THE BELLE OF
THE WHOLE CAMPUS,
AND THERE WAS A GUY
WHO WAS JUST AN AVERAGE,
TYPICAL AMERICAN BOY,
WHY, HE SHOULDN'T SAY,
"I'M LICKED, I'LL
NEVER GET HER."
HE SHOULD TRY WITH
ALL HIS MIGHT TO WIN HER
EVEN IF IT MEANS
DUMPING ANOTHER GIRL
WHO'S NOT SO GORGEOUS
AND BEAUTIFUL AND
POPULAR AND DESIRABLE.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
THIS OTHER GIRL MAY
NOT BE A BEAUTY WINNER
BUT SHE'S A HUMAN PERSON
WITH FEELINGS AND DIGNITY.
AND IF THIS GUY THINKS HE
CAN COME RUNNING BACK TO HER
ANYTIME HE STRIKES
OUT ELSEWHERE,
WELL, SHE'S GOT NEWS FOR HIM:
THE NEXT TIME HE WALKS
OUT WILL BE THE LAST TIME.
- YOU'LL FORGIVE ME,
BUT WEREN'T WE TALKING
ABOUT ROBERT BROWNING?
- WE STILL ARE.
AND THIS GIRL IS SERVING
NOTICE RIGHT NOW
THAT A CERTAIN GUY'S REACH
BETTER NOT EXCEED HIS GRASP
OR HE'S GONNA END UP WITH
A BIG FAT ZERO ALL AROUND.
- BUT, MR. POMFRITT, ISN'T
THAT BROWNING'S POINT?
I MEAN EVEN IF YOU'RE GONNA
GO DOWN TO UTTER, TOTAL,
COMPLETE RUIN YOU'VE
GOTTA... YOU'VE GOTTA TRY TO GET
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
YOU'VE GOTTA REACH
BEYOND YOUR GRASP, TRUE?
- WELL, YES, IT'S TRUE BUT...
- THANK YOU.
POPPY, MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL...
- HMM?
- WILL YOU COME WITH ME TONIGHT
TO A FUNNY LITTLE PLACE I KNOW
WHERE THEY LET YOU KNOW
MIX YOUR OWN SALAD DRESSING?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW. CALL ME.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE,
I WARNED YOU.
- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST
ZELDA, YOU UNDERSTAND.
SHE'S A FINE GIRL WITH A
GIANT IQ AND A BIG HEART
AND NOT A SINGLE CAVITY
IN HER WHOLE MOUTH.
I LIKE HER. I RESPECT HER.
I ADMIRE HER. BUT LOVE HER?
NO, NO. WHO I LOVE
IS POPPY JORDAN
BECAUSE LIKE ROBERT
BROWNING SAYS,
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP.
I'M GONNA GET POPPY.
IT'LL TAKE PERSEVERANCE,
PATIENCE, INGENUITY
AND MOST OF ALL...
- MONEY?
- YES, DAD, I'M
TAKING SOME MONEY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- WELL, YOU KEEP
REACHING LIKE THAT
AND YOU WILL BE GRASPING WITH
A HANDFUL OF SHORT FINGERS.
- DAD, I'LL PUT IN MY
I.O.U., I'LL WORK IT OFF.
- SHAME ON YOU, HERBERT.
YOU THINK THE BOY IS A THIEF?
WHY, HE NEVER STOLE
ANYTHING IN HIS LIFE.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHTm
BUT YOU MUST ADMIT
HE HAS MADE A LOT
OF UNSECURED LOANS.
- DAD, LISTEN TO ME.
ROBERT BROWNING SAID...
- ROBERT BROWNING?
OH, YOU MEAN THE GUY
WHO RUNS THE CRANE
WITH THE BIG IRON BALL ON IT
AND KNOCKS DOWN BUILDINGS?
- THAT'S NOT HIM.
- OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN SEE
HOW A FELLA COULD GET CONFUSED.
- ROBERT BROWNING
WAS A FAMOUS POET.
HE WROTE...
HE WROTE... WELL, ANYHOW,
HE WAS VERY FAMOUS.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, THAT ROBERT BROWNING, HUH?
WHERE DID YOU RUN INTO HIM, SON?
- UH, NO, DAD, HE'S DEAD.
- OH, SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
HE LEFT THE WIDOW
WELL-FIXED, I SUPPOSE.
- HERBERT, WILL YOU LET THE
BOY SAY WHAT HE'S GOING TO?
- SO WHO'S STOPPING HIM?
- UH, THANKS.
WELL, ROBERT BROWNING,
THE ENGLISH POET, SAID,
"A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP
OR WHAT'S A HEAVEN FOR?"
NOW, THAT MEANS...
- OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL.
- UH, NOW, THAT MEANS
IF YOU FIND A GIRL...
- I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
IT MEANS IF YOU'VE
GOT A HANKERING
FOR SOMETHING BIG AND WONDERFUL
AND WAY OUT OF YOUR REACH
YOU SHOULD GO OUT
AND TRY TO GET IT
NO MATTER WHAT YOUR
GOOD SENSE TELLS YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S WRONG!
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
BE JUST AS LONG AS HIS ARM.
DON'T REACH FOR
ANYTHING YOU CAN'T GRAB.
KNOW YOUR LIMITATION.
LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT. I DID.
- THANKS A LOT!
- OH, WINNIE!
WINNIE, NOW, JUST A MINUTE!
REMEMBER... WINNIE,
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
YOU ARE A FINE WOMAN
AND A GREAT WIFE
AND A WONDERFUL MOTHER
AND YOU KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE
AND YOU COOK A GOOD MEAL AND...
- UH, LOOK, MOM, DAD, I'M
PROUD OF YOU, BOTH OF YOU,
REALLY I AM BUT, UH, FRANKLY
I'D LIKE SOMETHING BETTER.
YOU GOT ME DOING IT.
BUT WHAT I MEAN IS, WELL...
WELL, I HOPE I'M AS
LUCKY AS YOU TWO ARE
BUT, WELL, LIKE
ROBERT BROWNING SAID,
"A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP."
- YOU KNOW, I AM GOING TO SPEAK
TO THE BISON EDUCATIONAL LEAGUE
ABOUT THIS GUY BROWNING.
HE SOUNDS LIKE SOME
KIND OF A COMMUNIST TO ME.
- HERBERT, LET THE BOY
TRY TO EXCEED HIS GRASP.
HE'S YOUNG, AND IF HE
GETS HIS NOSE BLOODIED,
WELL, I GUESS HE'LL RECOVER.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, WINNIE.
LET HIM GO OUT
AND GET CLOBBERED.
AFTER ALL, ZELDA WILL
ALWAYS BE WAITING THERE
WHENEVER HE COMES
BACK, RIGHT, SON?
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
SHE SAID IF I TRIED IT ONCE
MORE SHE WAS THROUGH WITH ME.
- BIG TALK.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR
MOTHER SAID TO ME
WHEN I WENT CHASING OFF
AFTER CUDDLES KINDERVACHER
BUT THERE SHE WAS,
LIGHT IN THE
WINDOW WAITING ALL...
HEY, HERE, TAKE YOUR MONEY
AND GET OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?
THIS IS A PLACE OF BUSINESS.
I CAN'T STAND AROUND
YAKKING ALL DAY.
- LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- BYE, MAYNARD.
- WHATCHA DOING?
- WRITING. GOODBYE, MAYNARD.
- OH. AND WHAT...
WHATCHA WRITING?
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO, ARE YOU?
- MM-MM. WHATCHA WRITING?
- WELL, MAYNARD,
I GUESS YOU COULD
CALL IT A PLAN OF BATTLE.
- HEY, WILD. WHO YOU
GONNA DO BATTLE WITH?
- POPPY JORDAN.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW, DOBE.
I MEAN YOU'RE GIVING
AWAY A LOT OF WEIGHT,
SO IF YOU STAY IN THERE CLOSE
AND GIVE HER A GOOD ONE...
HERE, AND THEN
YOU COULD GO WITH...
THE OLD SHOTZNER AND THEN...
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
MAYNARD, I'M NOT GONNA
FIGHT POPPY, NOT THAT WAY.
MY BATTLE'S GONNA BE TO
WIN HER HEART AND SOUL.
AND I WILL, MAYNARD, I WILL.
TONIGHT POPPY WILL BE MINE.
- YEAH, AND TOMORROW
YOU'RE GONNA COME
CRAWLING BACK TO ZELDA.
- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- YES, I AM. YOU'RE
RIGHT, MAYNARD.
WHO AM I KIDDING?
POPPY'S WAY OUT OF MY REACH.
I JUST BETTER PLAY IT COZY
AND HANG ONTO WHAT I'VE GOT.
- GOOD THINKING.
- BAD THINKING.
- HELLO, MR. POMFRITT.
- LIKE, HI, YOUR PhD-SHIP.
- PLAYING IT COZY, HANG
ONTO WHAT YOU'VE GOT?
DOBIE, DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN
TO THE THINGS I SAY IN CLASS?
- YES, SIR.
- I DON'T.
- NOW, DOBIE, EVEN A
MEMORY AS FLEETING AS YOURS
MUST BE ABLE TO
RECALL WHAT I QUOTED
FROM ROBERT
BROWNING THIS MORNING.
- YES, SIR, I REMEMBER.
A MAN'S REACH SHOULD
EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- EXACTLY. NOW, DOES THAT
SOUND LIKE PLAYING IT COZY?
- THEN YOU THINK ROBERT BROWNING
WAS RIGHT ABOUT A MAN'S REACH?
- OF COURSE HE WAS.
NOW, WHATEVER YOU WANT, DOBIE,
NO MATTER HOW
UNATTAINABLE IT MAY SEEM
YOU'VE GOT TO TRY TO GET IT.
IF I HAVEN'T TAUGHT YOU ONE
OTHER THING IN ALL THE YEARS
I'VE HAD YOU AS A STUDENT...
AND THE ODDS ARE RATHER STRONGLY
IN FAVOR OF THAT POSSIBILITY...
THEN I WILL STILL CONSIDER
MY JOB AS A TEACHER FULFILLED
IF I CAN JUST BRING HOME
THIS ONE POINT TO YOU:
DON'T PLAY IT SAFE.
DON'T PLAY IT COZY.
LET YOUR REACH
EXCEED YOUR GRASP.
- I'LL DO IT,
MR. POMFRITT, I'LL DO IT.
- [SIGHS] GOOD BOY, DOBIE.
AND IF YOU FAIL...
- WHICH HE WILL.
- IF YOU FAIL, DOBIE,
JUST PICK YOURSELF UP,
DUST YOURSELF
OFF AND TRY IT AGAIN.
- YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR.
- GOODBYE, BOYS.
- GOODBYE, SIR.
- GOODBYE, YOUR
CAP-AND-GOWNSHIP.
- NOW, MAYNARD,
I'VE GOT TO GET READY
FOR THE BIG NIGHT WITH POPPY.
- DOBE, DON'T.
- DON'T WHAT?
- DON'T GO OUT WITH
POPPY JORDAN TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA STRIKE OUT AND
ZELDA AIN'T GONNA TAKE YOU BACK.
- MAYNARD, IN THE FIRST PLACE
I AM NOT GONNA STRIKE OUT.
I AM GONNA WIN BECAUSE A MAN'S
REACH SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
AND IN THE SECOND PLACE,
EVEN IF I DO STRIKE OUT
WHICH I AM NOT GOING TO,
ZELDA WILL TAKE ME BACK.
- BUT SHE SAID THAT...
- SHE'S SAID THAT BEFORE.
- NOT THE WAY SHE
SAID IT THIS TIME.
DID YOU SEE HOW BEADY
HER BEADY LITTLE EYES WERE?
DID YOU SEE HOW TIGHT
HER TIGHT LITTLE MOUTH WAS?
DID YOU SEE HOW ROUND
HER ROUND LITTLE CHIN WAS?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE A WORRIER.
- ALL RIGHT. DOBE, GO AHEAD.
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND
AS THOSE WHO WILL NOT SEE.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
- ON A LITTLE CARD
FROM THE WEIGH MACHINE.
- BYE, MAYNARD.
- GO AHEAD, DOBE, GO AHEAD.
FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE
ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD.
FORTUNE COOKIE.
- AH, HERE WE ARE, MY DEAR.
A FUNNY LITTLE FRENCH RESTAURANT
THAT HARDLY ANYBODY KNOWS ABOUT.
- FRENCH RESTAURANT?
IT'S A MALT SHOP.
- ONLY TO THOSE
WHO AREN'T IN LOVE.
TONIGHT, MY DEAR, WE
CREATE OUR OWN PARIS.
- OH, BROTHER.
- OKAY, KENNY, THEY'RE HERE.
- GEE, ZELDA, I DON'T
KNOW IF SHOULD.
YOU GAVE ME A FIVER
TO DO A FRENCH ACCENT.
- COME ON, A DEAL'S A DEAL. I
DID YOUR HOMEWORK, DIDN'T I?
- WELL, OKAY.
- AN ENCHANTING LITTLE
BISTRO, HUH, MY LOVE?
- LET'S HURRY AND EAT
SO I CAN GET HOME, HMM?
- HOME, MY JEWEL?
BUT THE NIGHT IS SO YOUNG
AND YOU ARE SO RAVISHING.
- ORDER, HEY?
- OF COURSE, MY OWN.
GARÇON?
- OUI, MONSIEUR?
- HMM...
UH, I'D LIKE TO ORDER A
GOURMET DINNER FOR TWO.
- GOURMET DINNER
FOR TWO. OUI, MONSIEUR.
- UH, WHAT IS THE, UH,
SPECIALITÉ OF THE HOUSE?
- FROZEN PIZZA.
- MM-HMM.
DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?
- PERHAPS, MONSIEUR. HAVE
YOU EVER BEEN IN PAREE?
- UH, PAREE, FRANCE?
- OUI.
- UH, NO.
- COME ON, I HAVE
TO GET HOME, DOPEY.
- UH, THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
UH, TWO FROZEN PIZZAS
AND A TOSSED GREEN SALAD.
I'LL MIX THE DRESSING MYSELF.
- ENCHANTÉ, MONSIEUR.
- HEY...
YOU'RE SURE I DON'T KNOW YOU.
- HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN IN MARSEILLE?
- MARSEILLE, FRANCE?
- OUI.
- COME ON ALREADY.
- UH, THAT'LL BE ALL, GARÇON.
- OUI, MERCI, MONSIEUR.
- MM-HMM.
WELL, MY DEAR, WHAT SHALL
WE DO THIS GLORIOUS EVENING?
- WE SHALL FINISH OUR DINNER
AND WE SHALL TAKE ME HOME.
- HOME? BUT I MADE SUCH PLANS.
UH, THE OPERA, PERHAPS?
- OPERA? ALL THOSE FAT
PEOPLE SINGING AT EACH OTHER?
- THE BALLET?
- ALL THOSE GIRLS
WITH BULGY LEGS?
- THE MOVIES?
- HOME.
BUT WHY MUST YOU
BE HOME SO EARLY?
- BECAUSE.
- BECAUSE WHY?
- JUST BECAUSE.
- I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE TEASING
ME, MY LITTLE MINX.
- I TEASE YOU NOT. IT'S
CHOW AND HOMESVILLE.
- VOILÀ, FINI. I UNDERSTAND
MONSIEUR WISHES
TO MIX HIS SALAD
DRESSING HIMSELF.
- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE
WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
NEAR ALSACE-LORRAINE?
- NO, BUT I'VE BEEN
NEAR ZELDA GILROY.
ZELDA, SHAME ON YOU.
- YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
DOBIE. SHAME ON ME.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME,
THE LAST TIME THERE'LL
BE SHAME ON ME.
- ZELDA, HOW CAN YOU
SPY ON ME LIKE THIS?
- A WOMAN IN LOVE
CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT FINALLY THERE COMES A POINT
WHERE SHE JUST CAN'T DO ANYMORE.
GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- LOOK, ZELDA,
I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN
TELLING YOU IT'S NO USE.
UH, WHY DON'T WE JUST
START ALL OVER AGAIN
AND JUST BE FRIENDS?
- DOBIE, THERE'S TWO
THINGS WE CAN BE
AND FRIENDS ISN'T ONE OF THEM.
WE CAN BE LOVERS OR
WE CAN BE STRANGERS.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- HEY, YOU GONNA EAT YOUR PIZZA?
- HMM?
OH, NO, NO. HELP
YOURSELF, MY DEAR.
- MIX THE SALAD
DRESSING, WILL YOU?
I'M KIND OF IN A HURRY.
- OF COURSE, MY SWEET.
UH, THIS DRESSING, MY DEAR, IS
A SECRET RECIPE KNOWN BUT
BY THREE PEOPLE ON EARTH,
ALL SWORN TO SILENCE.
- YEAH, YEAH, I GOTTA GET HOME.
- NONSENSE, MY CHILD. AFTER
DINNER WE'LL GO DANCING.
- WE'LL GO HOME.
- CANOEING?
- HOME!
- BOWLING.
- HOME.
- UH, LOOK, POPPY,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DO
YOU HAVE TO BE HOME SO EARLY?
[CAR HORN TOOTS OUTSIDE]
- DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
- A LATE DATE?
- MM-HMM.
NIGHTY-NITE, DOPEY.
- THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
- SORRY, ROGER. I TRIED
TO GET RID OF HIM SOONER.
- A LATE DATE. OH,
WHAT A JERK I AM.
- LIKE, TRUE, GOOD BUDDY.
- I WONDER HOW DOBIE MADE OUT
WITH THAT NEW GIRL LAST NIGHT.
- I DON'T HAVE TO WONDER.
HE GOT CLOBBERED,
THAT'S HOW HE MADE OUT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, DAD.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WELL, WHAT'D I TELL YOU, SON?
- YOU TOLD ME A MAN OUGHT
TO PLAY IT COZY, PLAY IT SAFE,
AND YOU WERE RIGHT,
DAD, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU'RE A VERY SMART MAN.
- UH, YOU BET YOUR BOOTS I AM.
I AM?
- HE IS?
- FROM NOW ON, DAD,
WHAT YOU SAY GOES.
IF YOU'RE KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE
ME THE BENEFIT OF YOUR ADVICE,
WELL, I... I OUGHT TO HAVE
SENSE ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.
- HMM.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR?
- NOTHIN'.
- AREN'T YOU HAPPY
BECAUSE DOBIE IS GOING
TO LISTEN TO YOUR ADVICE
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
- YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
- I KNOW THE TRUTH,
YOU'RE SCARED STIFF.
- WINNIE, I AM PARALYZED. THE
KID REALLY THREW ME A CURVE.
- BUT FOR ALL THESE
YEARS YOU'VE BEEN YELLING
THAT DOBIE OUGHT
TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- SURE, BECAUSE I
KNEW HE WOULDN'T.
WINNIE, IT IS FAIRLY EASY
FOR PARENTS TO
ADVISE THEIR CHILDREN,
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT THE KID IS
RIGHT AND THE PARENT IS WRONG,
WELL, THAT'S FINE,
BECAUSE, AFTER ALL,
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
FOR THE KID TO BE OKAY.
MM-HMM?
- YES, DEAR.
- AND IF IT TURNS OUT
THAT THE PARENT IS RIGHT
AND THE KID IS WRONG,
YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY...
- I TOLD YOU SO.
- RIGHT.
- WHICH IS A MIGHTY
GOOD FEELING.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY IS.
SO WHEN PARENTS
ADVISE THEIR CHILDREN,
NO MATTER WHICH
WAY IT TURNS OUT,
THE PARENT HAS TO
WIND UP A WINNER.
PROVIDING, OF COURSE, THE
KID DON'T TAKE THE ADVICE.
- BUT DOBIE PULLED A SWITCH.
HE'S GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- OH, THAT WAS A
SNEAKY THING TO DO.
- WHICH MEANS THAT FROM
NOW ON WHEN YOU GIVE ADVICE
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
- OH, WHAT A TERRIBLE
THING TO DO TO A MAN.
- OH, DON'T WORRY,
HERBERT. IT'S NOT SO BAD.
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE
NOT UNINTELLIGENT.
- YES, I AM.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- DON'T AGREE SO FAST.
- ALL RIGHT. WELL, DEAR,
YOU KNOW WHERE I STAND,
BUT YOU DO HAVE THE
BOY'S WELFARE AT HEART.
AND I'M SURE THAT IF
YOU THINK HARD ENOUGH
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP
WITH THE RIGHT ADVICE FOR HIM.
- WINNIE, WHEN HE
WAS FIVE YEARS OLD,
THEN I COULD GIVE
HIM THE RIGHT ADVICE:
DON'T PLAY IN TRAFFIC.
DON'T SIT ON A HOT STOVE.
BUT HE IS NO LONGER
FIVE YEARS OLD.
HE IS A YOUNG MAN.
AND DON'T EVER
TELL HIM I SAID SO,
BUT HE'S A HECK OF A
LOT SMARTER THAN I AM
ABOUT THE THINGS
OF HIS WORLD ANYWAY.
LOOK, I'M JUST A
PLAIN, ORDINARY MAN
TRYING TO SCRATCH OUT A
LIVING IN A CORNER GROCERY
AND HE'S GOT THE WHOLE
UNIVERSE IN HIS MIND.
NOW HE COMES ALONG AND
WANTS ME TO GIVE HIM ADVICE.
WINNIE, I AM LOST.
- DON'T DESPAIR, HERBERT.
THINGS ARE NOT AS
BLACK AS THEY SEEM.
- OH, LIKE HECK THEY AIN'T.
- BELIEVE ME, THEY'RE NOT
BECAUSE SOMETHING WONDERFUL
IS GOING TO HAPPEN VERY SOON.
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE DOBIE IS GOING TO FORGET
ALL THE PROMISES THAT
HE MADE THIS MORNING
AND START IGNORING YOU
JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO, WINNIE?
HONESTLY?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- OH, HE'S A GOOD
BOY, THAT DOBIE.
YOU SURE HE'S GONNA IGNORE ME?
- POSITIVE.
- OH, HE'S A GREAT
COMFORT TO HIS OLD DAD.
AND YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD
COMFORT TO YOUR OLD HUSBAND, TOO.
HEY, COME HERE, DOLL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T OL' ZEL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T OL' MAYN.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.
- WELL, WELL, WELL,
MUST BE MIGHTY FANCY.
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN TRACKING
ME FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS.
- MIND IF I SIT HERE?
- NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- HEY, UH, ZEL,
YOU LOOK LIKE, UM,
LI-LIKE REAL PRETTY TODAY.
- LIKE, THANKS.
- I MEAN... I MEAN, UM,
YOUR NOSE IS SO NICE AND SHINY.
- STOP, MAYNARD, YOU'LL
TURN MY HEAD WITH PRAISE.
- OH, I WOULDN'T DO THAT, ZELDA.
IF I TURNED YOUR HEAD,
YOU'D KEEP RUNNING AROUND
BUMPING INTO THINGS.
- GOOD THINKING.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
- WELL, WELL WHAT?
- WELL, WELL, I'D... I'D LIKE TO ASK
YOU A HYPODERMICAL QUESTION.
- THAT'S HYPOTHETICAL,
AND THE ANSWER'S NO.
- ZELD, YOU CAN'T DUMP
DOBIE. HE NEEDS YOU.
- HE SHOULD'VE THOUGHT
OF THAT EARLIER.
- WELL, LET'S PUT IT
THIS WAY. YOU NEED HIM.
I MEAN WHERE'S A CHICK LIKE
YOU GONNA FIND ANOTHER GUY?
NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD.
AND THE ANSWER IS I DON'T KNOW
WHERE I'M GONNA FIND ANOTHER GUY
OR EVEN IF I'M GONNA
FIND ANOTHER GUY.
ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A
LITTLE BIT OF PRIDE LEFT
AND I INTEND TO HANG ONTO IT.
- BUT YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH
LIFE ALL ALONE, SMALL GIRL.
- WHO SAYS I CAN'T?
- ME, I JUST SAID.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
- THERE'S LOTS OF OTHER
THINGS BESIDES LOVE.
I'LL STUDY HARD, MAYBE
BECOME A BIG SCIENTIST
OR DOCTOR OR
MISSIONARY OR SOMETHING.
- YOU THOUGHT THIS THROUGH.
I MEAN YOUR HEAD'S MADE UP?
- ABSOLUTELY. SO YOU CAN
TELL YOUR FRIEND DOBIE...
NEVER MIND, I'LL
TELL HIM MYSELF.
DOBIE, I KNOW YOU'RE
HIDING DOWN THERE.
COME ON OUT. COME ON, COME ON!
- HEY, ZELDA, LISTEN.
- NO, DOBIE, YOU LISTEN.
I'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU.
THE FIRST ONE IS GOOD, GOT THAT?
THE SECOND ONE IS BYE.
PUT THEM ALL
TOGETHER, THEY SPELL...
- GOODBYE?
- GOODBYE.
- HEY, ZELDA.
LOOK, LOOK, ZELDA...
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA HAVE ME.
- I'M AFRAID SO,
MAYNARD. I'M AFRAID SO.
- AND AS ROBERT BROWNING
SO LYRICALLY PUTS IT
IN "PIPPA PASSES,"
"THE YEAR'S AT THE SPRING,
THE DAY'S AT THE MORN,
MORNING'S AT SEVEN,
THE HILLSIDE'S DEW-PEARLED,
THE LARK'S ON THE WING,
THE SNAIL'S ON THE THORN,
GOD'S IN HIS HEAVEN,
ALL'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD."
[CLASS BELL RINGS]
- CLASS, EXCEPT FOR
DOBIE GILLIS, DISMISSED.
MR. KREBS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M WITH DOBIE.
- YOU MIGHT AS WELL
TALK, MR. POMFRITT.
MAYNARD WON'T LEAVE.
- THAT'S RIGHT,
'CAUSE I'M YOUR GOOD BUDDY.
- [SIGHS] VERY WELL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
DOBIE, OVER THE YEARS
I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED
TO YOUR INFINITE
VARIETY OF MOODS
BUT I MUST CONFESS THAT I'VE
NEVER SEEN YOU IN SUCH A FUNK
AS THE ONE YOU'RE IN TODAY.
NOW, IS ANYTHING WRONG?
- NO, SIR.
- YES, SIR.
AND IT'S ALL YOUR
FAULT, MR. POMFRITT.
DOBIE'S WHOLE LIFE IS
WRECKED ON ACCOUNT OF YOU.
- ME? WHAT DID I DO?
- TELLING HIM ALL THAT JAZZ
ABOUT A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
SHAME ON YOU
TEACHING JUNK LIKE THAT
TO US POOR, INNOCENT,
LOVABLE, SWEET KIDS.
- THAT JUNK, MR. KREBS,
HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST
LOFTY THOUGHTS IN
THE ENTIRE LANGUAGE.
- SO HOW COME YOU
DON'T BELIEVE IT?
- BUT I DO, I BELIEVE
IT WITH ALL MY HEART.
- UH, CAN I SPEAK FREELY,
MR. POMFRITT, NO HOLDS BARRED?
- GO AHEAD, DOBIE, SPEAK FREELY.
- ALL RIGHT. MR. POMFRITT,
WHAT RIGHT HAVE YOU GOT
TO TALK ABOUT A MAN'S REACH?
NO OFFENSE, BUT WHAT
HAVE YOU ACCOMPLISHED?
I MEAN... I MEAN, HERE YOU
ARE, JUST A PLAIN INSTRUCTOR
IN A LITTLE BACKWATER COLLEGE
TEACHING FRESHMAN ENGLISH,
PILING UP YEARS AND
WAITING FOR YOUR PENSION.
S-SURE IT'S AN IMPORTANT JOB
AND SURE YOU'RE GOOD AT IT BUT...
BUT IS THIS THE
EXTENT OF YOUR REACH?
IS... IS THIS ALL YOU EVER
WANTED OUT OF LIFE?
- NO, DOBIE, IT'S NOT.
- THEN WHY AREN'T YOU
TRYING TO EXCEED YOUR GRASP?
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
TO BE A WRITER.
WELL, BUT WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING
INSTEAD OF PLAYING IT
SAFE IN THIS LITTLE COLLEGE?
- BECAUSE I KNOW
MY LIMITATIONS, DOBIE.
- AND I KNOW MINE.
- NO. YOU DON'T.
DON'T EVER LET ME HEAR YOU TALK
ABOUT LIMITATIONS AT YOUR AGE.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING, DOBIE,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
- NO, SIR.
- THIS IS A NOVEL.
I WROTE IT WHEN I
WAS EXACTLY YOUR AGE.
I ALSO WROTE EIGHT OTHER
NOVELS EQUALLY HEAVY.
FORTUNATELY I TORE THEM
UP AND THREW THEM AWAY.
I SHOULD'VE TORN THIS ONE
UP AND THROWN IT AWAY, TOO.
TERRIBLE.
BUT YOU SEE, AT YOUR AGE, DOBIE,
I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONNA
WRITE THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS
GONNA END UP A TEACHER
IN A BACKWATER COLLEGE.
WELL, I FOUND OUT THAT I
COULDN'T WRITE THAT NOVEL.
I FOUND OUT THAT ALL I WAS
GOOD FOR WAS TEACHING,
SO I SETTLED FOR THAT
AND I'M DARNED GLAD I DID
BECAUSE AT MY AGE
THERE'S NO HAPPINESS
UNLESS YOU KNOW
YOUR LIMITATIONS.
BUT AT YOUR AGE, DOBIE,
THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS.
YOU'VE GOT TO REACH
FOR THE STARS, DOBIE.
YOU'VE GOT TO REACH.
AND IF YOU FAIL YOU'VE
GOT TO REACH AGAIN.
LATER IS A TIME TO TALK
ABOUT LIMITATIONS, MUCH LATER.
BUT NOW... NOW YOU'RE YOUNG
AND YOU'RE FULL OF
BRIGHT, SHINING HOPE.
AND NOTHING BUT THE VERY
BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
- UH, MR. POMFRITT, WHAT I
SAID, I'M... I'M SORRY. HONEST.
- WELL, DON'T BE
SORRY, JUST FORGET IT.
BUT REMEMBER WHAT I'M
TRYING TO TELL YOU, DOBIE.
WHATEVER YOU WANT IN LIFE,
YOU GOT TO REACH
FOR, WHETHER IT'S A GIRL
OR A JOB OR... OR
A WAY OF LIVING.
YOU'VE GOT TO DIG
IN AND TRY FOR IT
WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT
BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY
WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET
WHAT YOU'RE AFTER.
AND WHEN YOU FAIL...
WELL, YOU WON'T
REALLY FAIL, DOBIE,
BECAUSE JUST THE
EFFORT OF... OF TRYING IS...
IS A WONDERFUL AND
ENRICHING EXPERIENCE.
- DOES THAT EVEN GO
FOR A FELLA LIKE ME, MR. P.?
- YOU BET IT DOES, MR. KREBS.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT THERE
AND SLUG FOR THE RECORD ALBUM
OR THAT NEW SET OF
BONGOS YOU WANT.
AND, BY GEORGE, IF
YOU DO, YOU'LL GET IT
BECAUSE NOTHING
WILL STAND IN YOUR WAY.
- LIKE, WOW, EVEN ME.
- LIKE, RICH MEN. REACH.
- THANKS, MR. POMFRITT.
- THERE SHE IS,
DOBE, GO, GO, GO.
- YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA,
MAYNARD, BUT THE WRONG CHICK.
- HI, ZELDA.
ZELDA?
- NO.
- LOOK, ZELDA. I KNOW
YOU'RE A GREAT HUMAN BEING
AND I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOU
BUT JUST THE SAME
I'M GOING AFTER YOU
UNTIL I GET YOU BACK BECAUSE...
BECAUSE A MAN'S REACH
SHOULD EXCEED HIS GRASP.
- IT'S NO USE, DOBIE.
- I DON'T CARE. I'VE GOT TO TRY.
- DO YOU MEAN YOU
ARE GOING TO CHASE ME?
- YOU BET.
- THERE'S A SWITCH.
- I'M GONNA COURT YOU WITH
VIGOR AND DETERMINATION
AND ALL THE SKILL AT MY COMMAND.
- YOU MEAN YOU'LL SEND
ME CANDY AND FLOWERS?
- ORCHIDS AND CHOCOLATE CREAMS.
- AND YOU'LL OPEN DOORS FOR
ME AND HELP ME CROSS STREETS.
- AND THROW MY COAT ON MUD
PUDDLES FOR YOU TO WALK ACROSS.
UH, HAVE I GOT A CHANCE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
DOBIE. YOU CAN TRY.
- CAN I PHONE YOU?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- TONIGHT?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- OKAY, OKAY. I'LL
PHONE YOU TONIGHT.
- SO LONG, DOBIE.
- OH, ZELDA.
UH, ZELDA, UH, ONE MORE THING.
- YES?
- UH, COULD YOU LEND
ME A DIME FOR THE PHONE?