The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 22 - Baby Shoes - full transcript
Dobie receives a friendly letter from his Uncle Sam: "Greetings. Your enlistment in the United States Army has been processed." As the Gillises prepare to send their boy into the service, Dobie's baby shoes spark a flashback to the 1940s when Mr. and Mrs. Gillis were eagerly expecting their baby.
- JUST A FEW DAYS AGO I
WAS AN UNWORRIED CIVILIAN.
TODAY I'M STILL A CIVILIAN,
BUT A WORRY A GOOD DEAL,
AND ALL BECAUSE OF THIS LETTER.
AND IT STARTED OFF
SO FRIENDLY, TOO.
"GREETINGS, YOUR ENLISTMENT
IN THE UNITED STATES
ARMY HAS BEEN PROCESSED
AND," FROM THAT POINT ON
IT GETS TOO PAINFUL TO READ.
BUT THE WAY IT
CHANGED MY LIFE, WOW.
- I MEAN, EVERYBODY
STARTED TREATING ME
LIKE I WAS MARKED
"FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE,"
EVEN MY DAD.
- DAD. DAD, WHAT'S WRONG?
- OH, NOTHING. I WAS
JUST, UH, JUST, UH...
- YOU JUST WHAT?
- WELL, I JUST, UH,
CAME IN TO TUCK YOU IN.
- TUCK ME IN?
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
I MEAN, AFTER, WHAT'S SO
STRANGE ABOUT A FATHER
WANTING TO TUCK HIS SON IN?
OH, I WISH I HAD A BUCK FOR
EVERY TIME I TUCKED YOU IN.
I COULD RETIRE AND
GO TO ACAPULCO
AND LOLL AROUND ON THE
SAND WITH ALL THOSE RICH FOLKS,
AND, YEAH, AND NOT WORK
MY FINGERS TO THE BONE
TRYING TO SUPPORT A KID
WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT
WHEN HIS OLD MAN
WANTS TO TUCK HIM IN.
- OKAY, DAD, OKAY.
HERE, TUCK ME IN.
- NOW.
- THANKS, DAD. THANKS.
- ANYTHING ELSE?
- DO YOU WANT TO BURP ME?
YOU KNOW, JUST KIDDING,
DAD, JUST KIDDING.
- OH, SMART ONE.
- GOOD NIGHT, DAD, GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
- UH, SOMETHING YOU WANTED, DAD?
- NO, NO, I JUST...
- OH, WELL, GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
- ANYTHING YOU WANTED?
- UH, WHAT DID YOU
HAVE IN MIND, DAD?
- OH, WELL, I WAS
JUST THINKING THAT...
- OKAY, DAD, OKAY.
WHATEVER IT IS, I WANT IT.
- OKAY. SHOVE OVER.
GEE, I DONE THIS A
LOT OF TIMES, TOO.
[SINGING] ♪ LULLABY
AND GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ THY FATHER'S DELIGHT ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- YEP THAT'S ONE WAY MY
FATHER'S BEEN ACTING LATELY,
LIKE HE HAD A SOFT
SPOT IN HIS HEART,
CLEAR UP TO HIS HEAD.
BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
HE'D START TO ACT
A DIFFERENT WAY.
IT WAS SPOOKY.
TAKE THIS MORNING,
AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.
[BUGLE BLOWS REVEILLE]
- HERBERT T. GILLIS,
HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR MIND?
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING?
- OF COURSE I KNOW IT'S
ONLY 5:00 IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA.
- DAD, WHAT WAS THAT TERRIBLE
TUNE YOU WERE PLAYING?
- THAT WAS NOT A TERRIBLE
TUNE. THAT WAS REVEILLE.
AND YOU'D BETTER
GET USED TO IT, BOY,
BECAUSE WHEN
YOU GET IN THE ARMY,
YOU'RE GONNA HEAR
IT EVERY A.M. AT 5:00
AS LONG YOU WEAR
THAT GLORIOUS UNIFORM.
- 5:00 EVERY MORNING?
- RIGHT.
- I'LL FLIP.
- YOU WILL NOT.
NO SON OF HERBERT T.
GILLIS FLIPS IN THE ARMY.
BESIDES, THIS IS JUST
PART OF A HOT PLAN I GOT
TO BREAK YOU IN GRADUAL
TO ALL THESE NEW GI. THINGS.
- A HOT PLAN? WELL, IT
BETTER NOT INCLUDE ME.
- IT DOES NOT,
WINNIE. DISMISSED.
- DISMISSED?
- DISMISSED?!
- GO BACK TO BED, DEAR.
- WELL, THAT'S BETTER.
- THANKS, DAD.
- NOT YOU, COME HERE.
NOW, LOOK, IN A FEW DAYS YOU'RE
GOING INTO THE ARMY, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WHY, UNTIL YOU LEAVE,
WE'RE GONNA RUN THIS PLACE LIKE
THE BEST SPIT AND POLISH OUTFIT
IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES ARMY.
WE GOTTA TOUGHEN YOU
UP, BOY, TOUGHEN YOU UP.
- WE DO?
- SURE,
AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
UP EVERY MORNING AT 5:00,
CALISTHENICS, MANUAL OF ARMS,
FIELD RATIONS,
BARRACKS INSPECTION.
- BARRACKS INSPECTION?
- SURE, THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE.
OH, AND YOU'RE GONNA
BE WAY OUT IN FRONT
OF ALL THOSE NEW RECRUITS.
WHY WHEN YOU GET NEW RECRUITS,
HEY, MAYBE WE BETTER
GET MAYNARD IN ON THIS.
AFTER ALL, HE'S GOING
INTO THE ARMY WITH YOU,
AND HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THE
BENEFIT OF MY EXPERIENCE, TOO.
- HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
UP, DOWN, UP, DOWN,
GET YOUR BACK IN THERE,
ALL YOU GOLDBRICKS, YOU.
CHIN UP, CHEST OUT,
SUCK IN YOUR GUT,
DOWN, UP, DOWN, UP, GET
TOGETHER, GET TOGETHER.
COME ON,
- OH, THOSE POOR BOYS. HERBERT,
DON'T BE SO ROUGH ON THEM.
- WINNIE, YOU ARE OFF LIMITS.
- BUT MY POOR BABY WON'T PUT
UP WITH THIS KIND OF HARD WORK.
- KEEP GOING, DON'T
STOP. I GOT MY EYE ON YOU.
WINNIE, I DON'T LIKE TO PUSH
OUR BOY ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO
IT OR HE'LL GET IN THE ARMY
AND FALL APART AT THE SEAMS.
- WELL...
- WELL, LOOK, WINNIE,
WHEN HE GETS IN THE ARMY
AND HE GOES THROUGH
ALL THIS HARD WORK,
WHY HE'LL WIND UP SPENDING
HALF HIS TIME IN THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, DEAR.
- AND IF HE CAN'T DO
IT, THEY'LL ACCUSE HIM
OF GOLD-BRICKING, AND,
WHOOP, OFF TO THE GUARD HOUSE.
- OH, DEAR.
- SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT,
WINNIE, IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, HERBERT.
IF WE'RE SOFT ON HIM,
WE'RE ONLY HURTING HIM.
- RIGHT, GIRL, RIGHT.
- KEEP GOING, BOYS, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO BABY YOU ANY MORE.
- THATAGIRL.
- ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR. FOLLOW MY RHYTHM.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- THE WORD IS CADENCE.
- FOLLOW MY CADENCE.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- WHAT WORDS DO YOU THINK
OF WHEN YOU HEAR NAMES
LIKE GENERAL PATTON,
OR CAPTAIN BLIGH?
TOUGHNESS, DISCIPLINE,
HARD AS NAILS, RIGHT?
WELL, BY NORMAL STANDARDS,
THOSE FELLOWS MAY
HAVE BEEN PRETTY ROUGH.
BUT THEY WERE
KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS
COMPARED TO FORMER
FIRST SERGEANT
HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- HUP, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, DETAIL, HALT.
AT EASE. IT'S
INDOCTRINATION TIME.
- WILL IT, LIKE, HURT?
- MAYNARD, INDOCTRINATION
IS STRICTLY MENTAL.
- IT'LL, LIKE, HURT.
- NOW, PAY ATTENTION, BOYS,
THE ARMY'S NO HAYRIDE, YOU KNOW.
A SOUND MIND AND A SOUND
BODY, THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED.
- ALL RIGHT.
NOW, I'M GONNA TELL
YOU A FEW THINGS
ABOUT THE GOOD OLD
UNITED STATES ARMY.
IN MY BOOK, THERE'S
NOTHING BETTER COULD HAPPEN
TO A YOUNG MAN THAN THE
GOOD OLD UNITED STATES ARMY.
- OH, WELL DO I REMEMBER
WHEN I WAS DRA... UH,
ENLISTED TWENTY
YEARS AGO, WHAT WAS I?
A SMALL MAN RUNNING
A SMALL GROCERY
IN A SMALL TOWN.
AND WHAT AM I TODAY?
- A SMALL MAN RUNNING A
SMALL GROCERY IN A SMALL TOWN?
- KNOCK IT OFF, SOLDIER.
THE ARMY TAUGHT ME
COURAGE, SELF-DETERMINATION,
THE ARMY TAUGHT ME TO
BE A MAN OF CHARACTER.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BOYS.
IN THE ARMY YOU LEARN HOW
TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES,
SELF-RELIANCE, TEAMWORK.
- NOT TO MENTION PROBABLY
A GOOD TRADE OR PROFESSION.
- RIGHT.
- LIKE, RIGHT.
- SO WHY ARE WE AFRAID
OF THE ARMY, MAYNARD?
- HOW SHOULD I KNOW, DOBE?
YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING.
- YEAH.
- THANKS TO THE
UNITED STATES ARMY,
I AM A MAN OF CHARACTER.
YOU ASK ME HOW THE
UNITED STATES ARMY
MADE ME INTO A MAN OF CHARACTER?
- NOT ME. DID YOU ASK HIM, DOBE?
- NOT ME.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
HOW THE UNITED STATES ARMY
MADE ME INTO A MAN OF CHARACTER,
BECAUSE THE UNITED STATES
ARMY IS A GREAT TEACHER.
YOU ASK ME WHAT THE
UNITED STATES ARMY TEACHES?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE
UNITED STATES ARMY TEACHES.
- YOU ASK HIM, DOBE?
- NOT ME.
- MUST BE AN ECHO AROUND
HERE, OR SOMETHING.
- THE UNITED STATES ARMY
TEACHES YOU TO BE A MAN WITH GUTS,
A MAN OF DISCIPLINE,
A MAN OF DETERMINATION,
A MAN OF SELF-RELIANCE.
DOBIE, YOUR IN BASIC TRAINING,
AND YOUR OUTFIT IS
ORDERED TO CRAWL
A HALF MILE ON THEIR
BELLIES WITH FULL PACKS.
- A HALF MILE?
- ON OUR BELLIES?
- EIGHTEEN INCHES OVER YOUR HEAD
IS A MURDEROUS STREAM
OF MACHINE GUN FIRE.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
- MACHINE GUN FIRE?
- FROM REAL MACHINE GUNS?
- DO YOU PANIC, MEN? NO. WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN TRAINED.
YOU'VE BEEN INDOCTRINATED,
YOU'VE ATTENDED THE
LECTURES. SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU CREEP, AND YOU CRAWL,
INCH-BY-INCH AND FOOT-BY-FOOT,
AND SUDDENLY, STARING
YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE
IS A MURDEROUS
STRAND OF BARBED WIRE.
- BARBED WIRE?
- LIKE, BARBED BARBED WIRE?
- AND THERE YOU ARE.
IF YOU RAISE YOUR
HEAD THREE INCHES,
AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
YOU AIN'T GOT IT.
AND THREE INCHES
IN FRONT OF YOUR,
THAT MURDEROUS BARBED WIRE.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I DESERT.
- I REALLY HAVE NO
RIGHT TO BE WORRIED
ABOUT DOBIE GOING INTO THE
ARMY. HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HURT.
AND THEY'LL MAKE AN EVEN
BETTER BOY OF HIM THAN HE IS.
HE'LL BE MORE RELIABLE
AND SELF-DISCIPLINE,
AND COURTEOUS.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU
CARRYING ON ABOUT?
- BECAUSE HE'S MY
BABY, GOING AWAY.
- WINNIE, WINNIE, PLEASE.
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
- OH, WINNIE COME ON, NOW.
FROM HERE ON IN, WE
GOTTA BE ROUGH ON DOBIE,
UNEMOTIONAL, CASUAL.
- SEVERE - STRONG.
- ROTTEN.
- QUIET
- NOW, DOBIE'S
GONNA HAVE TO KEEP
HIS BARRACKS SPICK AND SPAN,
SO I GOT HIM
PRACTICING ON HIS ROOM.
I TOLD HIM TO STRIP IT
DOWN, BARE ESSENTIALS,
GET RID OF ALL
THAT CHILDISH JUNK
HE'S BEEN COLLECTING FOR YEARS.
- A SOUND IDEA.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
GET HIM USED TO THE
LEAN, HARD, SPARTAN LIFE.
- HI. I THINK I GOT
MOST OF THE JUNK, DAD.
- BOY, AND WHAT A PILE OF JUNK,
A BUSTED UKULELE,
A LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL
CAP, AND WHAT IS THIS?
- A PETRIFIED FROG.
- OH, GREAT. JUST
WHAT THE ARMY NEEDS,
A PETRIFIED FROG IN
EVERY FOOTLOCKER.
- THE ARMY'S NO NURSERY
SCHOOL, YOU KNOW.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BUSTER, NO MORE
SILLY, SENTIMENTAL NONSENSE.
- YEAH, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO WITH ALL THIS STUFF, DAD?
- BURN IT. LOOK AT THIS,
AN OLD PARCHEESI GAME.
- BURN IT.
- AN OLD BIRD'S NEST.
- BURN IT.
- AND OLD, TORN HEART.
- BURN IT.
- YEAH, BUR... OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
- ZELDA.
- NO ONE BURNS
THIS PRICELESS MEMENTO
WHILE THERE'S BREATH
IN MY TINY BODY. DOBIE,
HOW COULD YOU FORGET?
- MISS BLANKENHORNE'S FRIDAY
AFTERNOON DANCING CLASS.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE
VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE?
MISS BLANKENHORNE TOOK A
BUNCH OF PAPER VALENTINES
AND CUT THEM IN HALF WITH
THE EDGES ALL KIND OF JAGGED.
AND SHE GAVE HALF TO THE
BOYS AND HALF TO THE GIRLS.
AND EACH BOY HAD
TO FIND THE GIRL
WHOSE VALENTINE
MATCHED HIS HALF. AND LOOK.
- ZELDA, THIS ALL
SEEMS KIND OF SILLY.
- SEE? DOBIE'S MATCHED
MINE, AND MINE MATCHED HIS.
AND I KNEW IT WAS
FATE, I KNEW DOBIE AND I
WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
- ZELDA.
- I'VE BEEN SAVING MY HALF
SINCE I'M TEN YEARS OLD.
PLEASE, MR. GILLIS, DON'T
MAKE DOBIE THROW HIS AWAY.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
KEEP THE TORN HEART,
BUT THE REST OF THIS
JUNK HAS GOTTA GO,
TO THE INCINERATOR, BOY.
- YEAH.
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT, GOOD BUDDY?
- WHAT?
- YOU CAN'T BURN THIS.
THIS WAS THE FIRST
DRUM I EVERY BEAT.
A DRUM, THAT'S WHAT THEY USED
TO CALL A BONGO IN THE OLDEN DAYS.
THIS USED TO BE YOUR DRUM,
GOOD BUDDY, REMEMBER?
- YEAH, I REMEMBER, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, THE FIRST
TIME I EVER SAW YOU,
YOU WERE SITTING IN THE
PARK BEATING THIS DRUM.
WE WERE LITTLE, TINY
KIDS ABOUT ONE YEAR OLD.
- ABOUT TEN, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, LIKE THAT.
ANYHOW, YOU WERE
BEATING THAT DRUM,
AND, MAN, WERE YOU LOUSY.
NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE, NO.
- SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
"YOU GOTTA GET THAT DRUM
AWAY FROM THAT OFFBEAT CAT,
"OR HE'S GONNA RUN THE
BONGOS INTO THE GROUND,
OR YOUR NAME AIN'T
MAYNARD G. KREBS."
- EXCUSE ME, MAYNARD,
I KNOW THIS IS A
LITTLE OFF THE SUBJECT,
BUT THAT "G" IN
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I STILL DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT STANDS FOR.
- WALTER.
- OH.
- SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU GOTTA GET THAT
DRUM AWAY FROM THAT CAT."
SO TRIED TO TAKE
IT AWAY FROM YOU.
- YEAH, AND I SOCKED
YOU IN THE JAW.
- YEAH, AND IT HURT. I DON'T
THINK I HAD NO BEARD THEN.
- NO, NO. SO YOU TRIED TO SWAP
ME SOMETHING FOR THE DRUM.
- I TRIED TO SWAP
YOU EVERYTHING,
MY BALL OF TIN FOIL IT TOOK
HALF MY LIFE TO COLLECT,
MY PET TURTLE, MY
SLIPPERY WILLOW WHISTLE,
MY, UH, APPENDIX
IN A GLASS JAR..
- GLASS JAR, YEAH,
BUT I WOULDN'T TRADE.
- NO, YOU WERE A HARD
MAN TO DO BUSINESS WITH,
UNTIL I FINALLY COME UP WITH
SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANTED,
THEN WE SWAPPED,
AND I GOT THE DRUM.
- WELL, IF YOU SWAPPED
DOBIE FOR THE DRUM,
HOW COME HE WOUND UP WITH IT?
- MY MOTHER MADE
ME TRADE IT BACK.
- WELL, WHAT DID YOU TRADE
FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- MY LITTLE BROTHER, HAROLD.
- MAYNARD, SOMETIMES I THINK YOU
HAVE AN IMPEDIMENT IN YOUR HEAD.
- GEE, LIKE, THANKS, MR. G.
SO YOU SEE HOW IMPORTANT
THIS DRUM IS TO ME.
THIS IS WHERE I FIRST
LEARNED THE BEAT.
DON'T MAKE DOBIE BURN
IT. LIKE, PLEASE, MR. G?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KEEP THE DRUM,
YOU KEEP THE TORN HEART.
BUT THE REST OF THIS
STUFF HAS GOTTA GO.
IS THAT CLEARLY
UNDERSTOOD? NO EXCEPTIONS.
ALL RIGHT, BOY, TO
THE INCINERATOR,
ON THE DOUBLE, HUP,
TWO, THREE, FOUR,
HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR, HUT.
DETAIL, HALT. TO
THE REAR, MARCH.
- YOU WERE GOING TO BURN THESE?
- BUT DAD, YOU SAID TO TAKE ALL
THIS STUFF TO THE INCINERATOR.
- BUT I DID NOT SAY YOU SHOULD
BURN A MAN'S CHERISHED MEMORIES.
- CHERISHED MEMORIES? THIS
BEAT UP OLD PAIR OF SHOES?
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
PRIVATE GILLIS,
THIS BEAT UP OLD PAIR OF SHOES
HAPPENS TO BE THE FIRST
PAIR OF SHOES YOU EVER HAD.
I AM NOT GOING TO
HAVE THEM BURNED.
I AM GOING TO HAVE THEM BRONZED.
- BRONZE? IS THAT,
LIKE, FRENCH DIP?
- BRONZED, MAYNARD.
BRONZE IS A KIND OF METAL
YOU COVER THE SHOES WITH.
- METAL SHOES? I
DON'T KNOW, DOBE.
SHOES OUGHT TO BE MADE
OUT OF SOMETHING, LIKE, BENDY,
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING, LIKE, UH...
- LIKE, UH, LIKE LEATHER?
- LIKE, EACH TO HIS OWN TASTE.
I KING OF LEAN TOWARD CANVAS.
- CANVAS.
- MAYNARD, YOU DO NOT
HAVE SHOES BRONZED
SO SOMEBODY CAN WEAR THEM.
YOU HAVE SHOES BRONZED SO
YOU CAN KEEP THEM FOREVER
AS A CHERISHED MEMORY.
OH, HOW WELL I REMEMBER THE
NIGHT I BROUGHT THESE HOME.
IT WAS A LITTLE
OVER 18 YEARS AGO,
REMEMBER THE
NIGHT DOBE WAS BORN,
AND I WAS IN ARMY THEN
MYSELF, THE BIG WAR, YOU KNOW,
AND I WAS HOME ON
MY FIRST FURLOUGH.
["THE ARMY GOES
ROLLING ALONG" PLAYS]
[PHONE RINGS]
- GILLIS GROCERY
STORE. HERBERT T. GILLIS,
OH, HELLO, ED.
- YEAH. NO, I GOT A
WEEKEND FURLOUGH.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, WINNIE
AND THE LITTLE
STRANGER'S ON HIS WAY.
- NO, I HITCH-HIKED IN. I'M
GONNA HITCH-HIKE BACK.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN SAVING UP
ON THOSE COUPONS, YOU KNOW.
I WANT TO HAVE ENOUGH
GAS FOR THAT BIG, BAD TRIP.
- YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, I'LL CALL YOU
THE NEXT TIME I'M IN, ED.
- YEAH, SAY HELLO TO THE GUYS
DOWN AT THE
SHIPYARD FOR ME, HUH?
- OKAY, SO LONG.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
I WAS JUST GONNA
BRING THIS UP TO YOU,
A LITTLE, A LITTLE
PRESENT I GOT YOU.
IT'S A, IT'S A BED JACKET
FOR IN THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, HERBIE, IT'S LOVELY.
OH, I'M CERTAINLY GOING TO BE
ONE OF THE TEN BEST-DRESSED
WOMEN IN THAT MATERNITY WARD.
- YEAH, AND YOUR OLD LADY
YAPPING YOU SHOULD HAVE
MARRIED SHELDON CLOUVE,
OR CLUV, OR, HEY, WAIT,
I GOT SOMETHING ELSE
IN HERE, TOO. UH-OH.
OH, HERE'S SOMETHING. I'M
GONNA PUT YOU TO WORK.
YOU'RE GONNA SEW
THIS ON MY UNIFORM.
- HERBIE, THEY'VE
MADE YOU A COLONEL.
- OH, WINNIE, A
COLONEL. IT'S ONE STRIPE.
IT MEANS I'M A
PRIVATE, FIRST CLASS.
- OH, YOU'RE FIRST
CLASS, ALL RIGHT.
I'M GLAD THE ARMY
APPRECIATES THAT.
- YEAH, AND I GOT
SOMETHING ELSE IN HERE, TOO,
A LITTLE PRESENT FOR DOBIE.
- OH, HERBIE, DEAR, I DO
HOPE YOU'VE BEEN SENSIBLE
AND GOTTEN SOMETHING THAT
BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS CAN USE,
BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT DOBIE'S GOING TO BE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WE DON'T KNOW?
IT'S GOTTA BE A BOY.
WHOEVER HEARD OF
A GIRL NAMED "DOBIE?"
YOU'RE JUST KIDDING.
HIS FIRST PAIR OF SHOES.
- WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING
AT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- WELL, IT'S JUST...
- WELL, COME ON,
WHAT'S THE JOKE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU BEGRUDGE
YOUR OWN KID A PAIR OF SHOES?
YOU WANT HIM TO GO THROUGH LIFE
KNOWN AS "SHOELESS DOBIE GILLIS?
- NO, DEAR, IT'S
JUST THAT BABIES
DON'T NEED SHOES,
NOT FOR MONTHS.
I MEAN, SOME BABIES DON'T EVEN
WALK UNTIL THEY'RE A YEAR OLD.
- NOT THIS BABY KID.
WHY, LITTLE DOBIE'S
GONNA BE RUNNING
ALL OVER THE PLACE IN TWO WEEKS.
JUST THINK, WINNIE, THE LITTLE
FEET THAT GO IN THESE SHOES
CAN TAKE OUR BOY ANY
PLACE HE WANTS TO GO,
RIGHT UP THE LADDER OF
SUCCESS, ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.
- HERBERT, I FEEL KIND OF FUNNY.
WILL YOU GET ME TO
THE HOSPITAL, PLEASE?
- NOW?
- YES, HERBERT.
- THE HOSPITAL? NOW?
- YES, HERBERT.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- I JUST KNOW. NOW, COME ON.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, DEAR, I'M SURE.
- HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?
- WELL, I HAVE AN INSTINCT
FOR THESE THINGS.
- I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO
TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.
- NOW. NOW?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
STANDING THERE FOR?
COME ON. OH, WAIT,
YOU'VE GOT TO GO WITH ME.
HERE, COME ON, TAKE IT EASY.
DON'T TRIP OVER ANYTHING.
- OH, UM. WAIT A
MINUTE, HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING.
- WHAT?
- I GOTTA TAKE THESE
SO DOBIE CAN WALK
HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.
- DAD?
- HERBERT?
- MR. GILLIS?
- OH, LET ME ALONE.
CAN'T A MAN LOOK AT
A PAIR OF BABY SHOES
WITHOUT EVERYBODY
YAPPING AT HIM?
- YEP, THOSE ARE MY FOLKS.
AND THEY REALLY LOVE ME.
OH, SURE, SOMETIMES THEY'RE
A LITTLE UNREASONABLE,
AND THEY YELL AT ME,
AND THEY DON'T LET ME
HAVE THE CAR WHEN I
WANT IT, AND LIKE THAT.
BUT, HMM, IF THEY
REALLY LOVE ME,
WHY DO THEY TREAT ME LIKE THAT?
- AH, OF COURSE THEY LOVE ME.
AND LOVE IS THE GREATEST
THING IN THE WORLD.
ASK ANYBODY.
- YOU'RE WRONG, DOBE.
THE GREATEST THING
IN THE WORLD IS JAZZ.
- NO, MAYNARD, THE GREATEST
THING IN THE WORLD IS LOVE.
- SURE, DOBE, LIKE
WHEN YOU LOVE JAZZ.
- OH, THAT DOESN'T
COMPARE WITH LOVING PEOPLE.
- PEOPLE? LIKE, MOTHERS?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, FATHERS?
- RIGHT.
- LIKE AUNTS AND UNCLES?
- RIGHT, AND LIKE GIRLS, TOO.
- LIKE, BYE, DOBE.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
SOME DAY YOU'LL LEARN
THAT LOVING A GIRL
IS THE BEST KIND
OF LOVE THERE IS.
IT GIVES YOU A
WONDERFUL FEELING,
LIKE, LIKE SOMETHING RUNNING
AROUND INSIDE YOUR CHEST,
LIKE SOME HAPPY
LITTLE FURRY ANIMAL.
- LIKE CHIPMUNKS?
- YEAH, LIKE CHIPMUNKS.
- LIKE SQUIRRELS?
- WELL, YEAH, LIKE SQUIRRELS.
- LIKE BEAVERS?
- MAYNARD, BEAVERS
ARE A LITTLE BIG
TO BE RUNNING AROUND
INSIDE YOUR CHEST.
- IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE
SIZE OF YOUR CHEST, DON'T IT?
- WELL, YEAH, LOOK...
- I BET WITH A LITTLE,
TINY CHEST LIKE YOURS,
YOU COULD GET A COUPLE OF
BEAVERS IN THERE IF THEY WAS ALL
KIND OF SQUINCHED UP.
- SQUINCHED UP?
- MAYBE THREE.
- YEAH, LOOK...
- LIKE, TAKE BEARS. YOU'D
NEVER GET A BEAR IN THERE.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH.
- OKAY, GOOD BUDDY, GO ON.
- NOW, NOW, YOU GET THIS
WONDERFUL FEELING, SEE.
- OOH, MAN, OR A TIGER.
MAN, YOU'D BE IN BIG
TROUBLE WITH A TIGER IN THERE,
ALL THAT CLAWING,
AND SCRATCHING,
SWINGING THAT BIG STRIPY TAIL,
OH, MAN, I NEVER
WANT A TIGER INSIDE.
DOBE?
[KNOCKS]
- HI, ZELDA.
- NEVER MIND THE SMALL TALK.
I'M HERE FOR A REASON.
- OH?
- I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT GOING INTO THE ARMY.
- NO, NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
NEW WORLD, NEW
LIFE, NEW PROBLEMS,
OF COURSE YOU'RE WORRIED.
- WELL, MAYBE JUST A LITTLE.
- RIGHT. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME COMFORT,
A ROCK YOU CAN CLING TO
IN THE TROUBLED DAYS AHEAD.
- OH, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE ME.
- ZELDA.
- DOBIE, WHILE
YOU'RE IN THE ARMY,
I WANT YOU TO BE ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY CONFIDENT
OF ONE THING, I'LL
BE WAITING FOR YOU.
- FIGURES.
- THROUGH THICK AND THIN,
THROUGH STORM AND STRIFE,
THROUGH FAIR WEATHER
AND FOUL, I'LL BE WAITING.
- ZELDA, NO OFFENSE,
BUT WHO ASKED YOU?
- DOBIE, YOU MEAN
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
YOU'RE STILL FIGHTING ME?
- ZELDA, LET ME PUT THIS
AS KINDLY AS POSSIBLE,
I'VE ALWAYS SAID YOU'RE A
FINE GIRL AND A TRUE FRIEND,
AND YOU'VE GOT A BIG HEART,
AND A BIG BRAIN, AND A
LOT OF PERSEVERANCE.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
BRAINS, HEART, GUTS,
DECENCY, LOYALTY,
SWEETNESS, THAT'S ME, TRUE?
- TRUE. BUT YOU...
- BUT YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR SOME PRETTY, EMPTY-HEADED
LITTLE PIECE OF FLUFF
WITH A HEART LIKE A STONE
AND A BRAIN LIKE A RAISIN.
- OH, I WOULDN'T
PUT IT THAT WAY.
- WELL, I WOULD, AND I'M RIGHT.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET
WISE, YOU POOR, DEAR FOOL?
NOW, LET'S SAY YOU
FIND THIS GORGEOUS GIRL.
WHAT'S THE FUTURE GONNA BE LIKE?
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
BEAUTY DISAPPEARS?
- ZELDA.
- SKIN WRINKLES, TEETH CRUMBLE,
HAIR FALLS OUT. WHAT
DO YOU END UP WITH?
A HAG, WITH NO BRAINS
IN HER SHRUNKEN HEAD
AND NO LOVE IN HER
WITHERED HEART.
- ZELDA.
- TAKE THE LONG VIEW, POOPSIE,
TAKE ME. WHAT'S MY FUTURE LIKE?
JUST THIS, I'M GONNA
GET BRAVER AND BETTER
AND SMARTER AND SWEETER.
THE ONLY THING I'M NOT
GONNA GET IS HOMELIER.
NOW, HOW CAN YOU REFUSE?
- ZELDA, LOOK...
- NO, DON'T GIVE
ME AN ANSWER NOW
BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST TOO DUMB.
MAYBE TIME WILL BRING
A LITTLE INTELLIGENCE
TO THAT TINY BRAIN PAN,
A SLIM POSSIBILITY,
BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE.
ANYHOW, POOPSIE,
I'LL BE WAITING.
- ZELDA.
- I'LL BE WAITING.
- YEP, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
THEY'RE A HARD BUNCH
OF PEOPLE, ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE ABOUT AS
TOUGH AS A BOWL OF MUSH.
AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT.
BUT I'VE GOT TO ADMIT ONE THING,
WHEN THE DAY FINALLY CAME
FOR ME TO GO OFF TO THE ARMY,
THEY STUCK TO THEIR GUNS.
NO TEARS, NO DEMONSTRATIONS,
NO SLOPPY SENTIMENT.
- HE'S COMING DOWN
NOW TO SAY GOODBYE,
SO DON'T FORGET, UNEMOTIONAL.
- TOUGH.
- UNCONCERNED.
- CASUAL.
- WELL...
- THIS IS IT.
- YES, THIS IS IT.
- THAT'S WHAT IT IS, IT.
- I'LL WRITE YOU OFTEN
- EH, IF YOU HAPPEN
TO THINK OF IT, OKAY.
- DON'T PUT YOURSELF OUT.
- IF YOU'VE GOT
NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
- AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO WORRY ABOUT ME.
- WORRY?
- OH, THAT'S A LAUGH.
- HAR-DE-HAR-HAR.
- AND A HAR.
- WELL...
- YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BOY,
YOU'RE GONNA MISS YOUR BUS.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THE ARMY'S GOT NO PATIENCE
FOR SOLDIERS WHO SHOW UP LATE.
- THE ARMY'S NO
COUNTRY CLUB, YOU KNOW.
- YEAH. WELL, DAD.
- WHAT?
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SHAKE HANDS?
- IF YOU WANT.
- MOM.
- SO LONG, KID.
- ZELDA?
- ON YOUR HORSE,
BOY. TIME'S A-WASTING.
DOBIE. HIS COUNTRY'S WAITING
AND HE'S WRINKLING. GO, ALREADY.
- YEAH, YEAH, I
GUESS I'D BETTER.
- WELL, SO LONG?
- BYE.
- SO LONG.
- SO LONG.
- WELL, YOU CAME THROUGH
WITH FLYING COLORS, LADIES.
UNEMOTIONAL.
- TOUGH.
- UNCONCERNED.
- CASUAL.
[CRYING]
- EXCUSE ME, I DON'T
WANT TO DISTURB.
- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- WELL, I DID WANT
A CAN OF SARDINES.
- LARGE OR SMALL?
- WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE IN PRICE?
- WELL, THE SMALL IS 28 CENTS.
- AND THE LARGE?
- FORTY-SIX.
- I'LL TAKE THE SMALL.
- ANYTHING ELSE.
- HALF A POUND OF SWISS CHEESE.
- WITH OUR WITHOUT HOLES?
- WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE IN PRICE?
- WITHOUT IS 48 CENTS.
- AND WITH?
- A DIME.
- I'LL TAKE THE...
[ALL CRYING]
- OH, MY SON, MY SON, MY SON.
- POOPSIE.
- ALL SET, MAYNARD?
- ALL SET, GOOD BUDDY.
- GEE, IT GIVES YOU KIND OF
A FUNNY FEELING, DOESN'T IT?
I MEAN, LEAVING ALL THE
OLD, FAMILIAR THINGS BEHIND.
- YEAH, IT MAKES ME, LIKE,
ALL MISTY, SO I'M NOT DOING IT.
- YOU'RE NOT DOING IT?
- RIGHT.
REMEMBER WHAT YOUR FATHER
SAID ABOUT HAVING YOUR BABY SHOES
TURNED INTO BRONZE SO HE
ALWAYS CAN HAVE THEM AROUND?
- YEAH.
- WELL, IT GAVE ME AN IDEA,
DOBE.
- AN IDEA?
- YEAH, WATCH [CLANG,
CLANG, CLANG, CLANG]
- GOOD THINKING, HUH?
- GOOD THINKING,
MAYNARD. UH-HUH.
- DOBIE, HOW COME NOBODY ELSE
EVER TELLS ME HOW SMART I AM?
- JEALOUSY, MAYNARD,
PURE JEALOUSY.
- ALL SET?
- YEAH.
- WELL, WE'RE OFF.
[SINGING] ♪ OVER
HILL, OVER DALE ♪
♪ WE WILL HIT THE
DUSTY TRAIL AS THOSE... ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
WAS AN UNWORRIED CIVILIAN.
TODAY I'M STILL A CIVILIAN,
BUT A WORRY A GOOD DEAL,
AND ALL BECAUSE OF THIS LETTER.
AND IT STARTED OFF
SO FRIENDLY, TOO.
"GREETINGS, YOUR ENLISTMENT
IN THE UNITED STATES
ARMY HAS BEEN PROCESSED
AND," FROM THAT POINT ON
IT GETS TOO PAINFUL TO READ.
BUT THE WAY IT
CHANGED MY LIFE, WOW.
- I MEAN, EVERYBODY
STARTED TREATING ME
LIKE I WAS MARKED
"FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE,"
EVEN MY DAD.
- DAD. DAD, WHAT'S WRONG?
- OH, NOTHING. I WAS
JUST, UH, JUST, UH...
- YOU JUST WHAT?
- WELL, I JUST, UH,
CAME IN TO TUCK YOU IN.
- TUCK ME IN?
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
I MEAN, AFTER, WHAT'S SO
STRANGE ABOUT A FATHER
WANTING TO TUCK HIS SON IN?
OH, I WISH I HAD A BUCK FOR
EVERY TIME I TUCKED YOU IN.
I COULD RETIRE AND
GO TO ACAPULCO
AND LOLL AROUND ON THE
SAND WITH ALL THOSE RICH FOLKS,
AND, YEAH, AND NOT WORK
MY FINGERS TO THE BONE
TRYING TO SUPPORT A KID
WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT
WHEN HIS OLD MAN
WANTS TO TUCK HIM IN.
- OKAY, DAD, OKAY.
HERE, TUCK ME IN.
- NOW.
- THANKS, DAD. THANKS.
- ANYTHING ELSE?
- DO YOU WANT TO BURP ME?
YOU KNOW, JUST KIDDING,
DAD, JUST KIDDING.
- OH, SMART ONE.
- GOOD NIGHT, DAD, GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
- UH, SOMETHING YOU WANTED, DAD?
- NO, NO, I JUST...
- OH, WELL, GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, BOY.
- ANYTHING YOU WANTED?
- UH, WHAT DID YOU
HAVE IN MIND, DAD?
- OH, WELL, I WAS
JUST THINKING THAT...
- OKAY, DAD, OKAY.
WHATEVER IT IS, I WANT IT.
- OKAY. SHOVE OVER.
GEE, I DONE THIS A
LOT OF TIMES, TOO.
[SINGING] ♪ LULLABY
AND GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ THY FATHER'S DELIGHT ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- YEP THAT'S ONE WAY MY
FATHER'S BEEN ACTING LATELY,
LIKE HE HAD A SOFT
SPOT IN HIS HEART,
CLEAR UP TO HIS HEAD.
BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
HE'D START TO ACT
A DIFFERENT WAY.
IT WAS SPOOKY.
TAKE THIS MORNING,
AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.
[BUGLE BLOWS REVEILLE]
- HERBERT T. GILLIS,
HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR MIND?
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING?
- OF COURSE I KNOW IT'S
ONLY 5:00 IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA.
- DAD, WHAT WAS THAT TERRIBLE
TUNE YOU WERE PLAYING?
- THAT WAS NOT A TERRIBLE
TUNE. THAT WAS REVEILLE.
AND YOU'D BETTER
GET USED TO IT, BOY,
BECAUSE WHEN
YOU GET IN THE ARMY,
YOU'RE GONNA HEAR
IT EVERY A.M. AT 5:00
AS LONG YOU WEAR
THAT GLORIOUS UNIFORM.
- 5:00 EVERY MORNING?
- RIGHT.
- I'LL FLIP.
- YOU WILL NOT.
NO SON OF HERBERT T.
GILLIS FLIPS IN THE ARMY.
BESIDES, THIS IS JUST
PART OF A HOT PLAN I GOT
TO BREAK YOU IN GRADUAL
TO ALL THESE NEW GI. THINGS.
- A HOT PLAN? WELL, IT
BETTER NOT INCLUDE ME.
- IT DOES NOT,
WINNIE. DISMISSED.
- DISMISSED?
- DISMISSED?!
- GO BACK TO BED, DEAR.
- WELL, THAT'S BETTER.
- THANKS, DAD.
- NOT YOU, COME HERE.
NOW, LOOK, IN A FEW DAYS YOU'RE
GOING INTO THE ARMY, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WHY, UNTIL YOU LEAVE,
WE'RE GONNA RUN THIS PLACE LIKE
THE BEST SPIT AND POLISH OUTFIT
IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES ARMY.
WE GOTTA TOUGHEN YOU
UP, BOY, TOUGHEN YOU UP.
- WE DO?
- SURE,
AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
UP EVERY MORNING AT 5:00,
CALISTHENICS, MANUAL OF ARMS,
FIELD RATIONS,
BARRACKS INSPECTION.
- BARRACKS INSPECTION?
- SURE, THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE.
OH, AND YOU'RE GONNA
BE WAY OUT IN FRONT
OF ALL THOSE NEW RECRUITS.
WHY WHEN YOU GET NEW RECRUITS,
HEY, MAYBE WE BETTER
GET MAYNARD IN ON THIS.
AFTER ALL, HE'S GOING
INTO THE ARMY WITH YOU,
AND HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THE
BENEFIT OF MY EXPERIENCE, TOO.
- HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
UP, DOWN, UP, DOWN,
GET YOUR BACK IN THERE,
ALL YOU GOLDBRICKS, YOU.
CHIN UP, CHEST OUT,
SUCK IN YOUR GUT,
DOWN, UP, DOWN, UP, GET
TOGETHER, GET TOGETHER.
COME ON,
- OH, THOSE POOR BOYS. HERBERT,
DON'T BE SO ROUGH ON THEM.
- WINNIE, YOU ARE OFF LIMITS.
- BUT MY POOR BABY WON'T PUT
UP WITH THIS KIND OF HARD WORK.
- KEEP GOING, DON'T
STOP. I GOT MY EYE ON YOU.
WINNIE, I DON'T LIKE TO PUSH
OUR BOY ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO
IT OR HE'LL GET IN THE ARMY
AND FALL APART AT THE SEAMS.
- WELL...
- WELL, LOOK, WINNIE,
WHEN HE GETS IN THE ARMY
AND HE GOES THROUGH
ALL THIS HARD WORK,
WHY HE'LL WIND UP SPENDING
HALF HIS TIME IN THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, DEAR.
- AND IF HE CAN'T DO
IT, THEY'LL ACCUSE HIM
OF GOLD-BRICKING, AND,
WHOOP, OFF TO THE GUARD HOUSE.
- OH, DEAR.
- SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT,
WINNIE, IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, HERBERT.
IF WE'RE SOFT ON HIM,
WE'RE ONLY HURTING HIM.
- RIGHT, GIRL, RIGHT.
- KEEP GOING, BOYS, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO BABY YOU ANY MORE.
- THATAGIRL.
- ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR. FOLLOW MY RHYTHM.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- THE WORD IS CADENCE.
- FOLLOW MY CADENCE.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- WHAT WORDS DO YOU THINK
OF WHEN YOU HEAR NAMES
LIKE GENERAL PATTON,
OR CAPTAIN BLIGH?
TOUGHNESS, DISCIPLINE,
HARD AS NAILS, RIGHT?
WELL, BY NORMAL STANDARDS,
THOSE FELLOWS MAY
HAVE BEEN PRETTY ROUGH.
BUT THEY WERE
KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS
COMPARED TO FORMER
FIRST SERGEANT
HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- HUP, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, DETAIL, HALT.
AT EASE. IT'S
INDOCTRINATION TIME.
- WILL IT, LIKE, HURT?
- MAYNARD, INDOCTRINATION
IS STRICTLY MENTAL.
- IT'LL, LIKE, HURT.
- NOW, PAY ATTENTION, BOYS,
THE ARMY'S NO HAYRIDE, YOU KNOW.
A SOUND MIND AND A SOUND
BODY, THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED.
- ALL RIGHT.
NOW, I'M GONNA TELL
YOU A FEW THINGS
ABOUT THE GOOD OLD
UNITED STATES ARMY.
IN MY BOOK, THERE'S
NOTHING BETTER COULD HAPPEN
TO A YOUNG MAN THAN THE
GOOD OLD UNITED STATES ARMY.
- OH, WELL DO I REMEMBER
WHEN I WAS DRA... UH,
ENLISTED TWENTY
YEARS AGO, WHAT WAS I?
A SMALL MAN RUNNING
A SMALL GROCERY
IN A SMALL TOWN.
AND WHAT AM I TODAY?
- A SMALL MAN RUNNING A
SMALL GROCERY IN A SMALL TOWN?
- KNOCK IT OFF, SOLDIER.
THE ARMY TAUGHT ME
COURAGE, SELF-DETERMINATION,
THE ARMY TAUGHT ME TO
BE A MAN OF CHARACTER.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BOYS.
IN THE ARMY YOU LEARN HOW
TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES,
SELF-RELIANCE, TEAMWORK.
- NOT TO MENTION PROBABLY
A GOOD TRADE OR PROFESSION.
- RIGHT.
- LIKE, RIGHT.
- SO WHY ARE WE AFRAID
OF THE ARMY, MAYNARD?
- HOW SHOULD I KNOW, DOBE?
YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING.
- YEAH.
- THANKS TO THE
UNITED STATES ARMY,
I AM A MAN OF CHARACTER.
YOU ASK ME HOW THE
UNITED STATES ARMY
MADE ME INTO A MAN OF CHARACTER?
- NOT ME. DID YOU ASK HIM, DOBE?
- NOT ME.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
HOW THE UNITED STATES ARMY
MADE ME INTO A MAN OF CHARACTER,
BECAUSE THE UNITED STATES
ARMY IS A GREAT TEACHER.
YOU ASK ME WHAT THE
UNITED STATES ARMY TEACHES?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE
UNITED STATES ARMY TEACHES.
- YOU ASK HIM, DOBE?
- NOT ME.
- MUST BE AN ECHO AROUND
HERE, OR SOMETHING.
- THE UNITED STATES ARMY
TEACHES YOU TO BE A MAN WITH GUTS,
A MAN OF DISCIPLINE,
A MAN OF DETERMINATION,
A MAN OF SELF-RELIANCE.
DOBIE, YOUR IN BASIC TRAINING,
AND YOUR OUTFIT IS
ORDERED TO CRAWL
A HALF MILE ON THEIR
BELLIES WITH FULL PACKS.
- A HALF MILE?
- ON OUR BELLIES?
- EIGHTEEN INCHES OVER YOUR HEAD
IS A MURDEROUS STREAM
OF MACHINE GUN FIRE.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
- MACHINE GUN FIRE?
- FROM REAL MACHINE GUNS?
- DO YOU PANIC, MEN? NO. WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN TRAINED.
YOU'VE BEEN INDOCTRINATED,
YOU'VE ATTENDED THE
LECTURES. SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU CREEP, AND YOU CRAWL,
INCH-BY-INCH AND FOOT-BY-FOOT,
AND SUDDENLY, STARING
YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE
IS A MURDEROUS
STRAND OF BARBED WIRE.
- BARBED WIRE?
- LIKE, BARBED BARBED WIRE?
- AND THERE YOU ARE.
IF YOU RAISE YOUR
HEAD THREE INCHES,
AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
YOU AIN'T GOT IT.
AND THREE INCHES
IN FRONT OF YOUR,
THAT MURDEROUS BARBED WIRE.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I DESERT.
- I REALLY HAVE NO
RIGHT TO BE WORRIED
ABOUT DOBIE GOING INTO THE
ARMY. HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HURT.
AND THEY'LL MAKE AN EVEN
BETTER BOY OF HIM THAN HE IS.
HE'LL BE MORE RELIABLE
AND SELF-DISCIPLINE,
AND COURTEOUS.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU
CARRYING ON ABOUT?
- BECAUSE HE'S MY
BABY, GOING AWAY.
- WINNIE, WINNIE, PLEASE.
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
- OH, WINNIE COME ON, NOW.
FROM HERE ON IN, WE
GOTTA BE ROUGH ON DOBIE,
UNEMOTIONAL, CASUAL.
- SEVERE - STRONG.
- ROTTEN.
- QUIET
- NOW, DOBIE'S
GONNA HAVE TO KEEP
HIS BARRACKS SPICK AND SPAN,
SO I GOT HIM
PRACTICING ON HIS ROOM.
I TOLD HIM TO STRIP IT
DOWN, BARE ESSENTIALS,
GET RID OF ALL
THAT CHILDISH JUNK
HE'S BEEN COLLECTING FOR YEARS.
- A SOUND IDEA.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
GET HIM USED TO THE
LEAN, HARD, SPARTAN LIFE.
- HI. I THINK I GOT
MOST OF THE JUNK, DAD.
- BOY, AND WHAT A PILE OF JUNK,
A BUSTED UKULELE,
A LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL
CAP, AND WHAT IS THIS?
- A PETRIFIED FROG.
- OH, GREAT. JUST
WHAT THE ARMY NEEDS,
A PETRIFIED FROG IN
EVERY FOOTLOCKER.
- THE ARMY'S NO NURSERY
SCHOOL, YOU KNOW.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BUSTER, NO MORE
SILLY, SENTIMENTAL NONSENSE.
- YEAH, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO WITH ALL THIS STUFF, DAD?
- BURN IT. LOOK AT THIS,
AN OLD PARCHEESI GAME.
- BURN IT.
- AN OLD BIRD'S NEST.
- BURN IT.
- AND OLD, TORN HEART.
- BURN IT.
- YEAH, BUR... OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
- ZELDA.
- NO ONE BURNS
THIS PRICELESS MEMENTO
WHILE THERE'S BREATH
IN MY TINY BODY. DOBIE,
HOW COULD YOU FORGET?
- MISS BLANKENHORNE'S FRIDAY
AFTERNOON DANCING CLASS.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE
VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE?
MISS BLANKENHORNE TOOK A
BUNCH OF PAPER VALENTINES
AND CUT THEM IN HALF WITH
THE EDGES ALL KIND OF JAGGED.
AND SHE GAVE HALF TO THE
BOYS AND HALF TO THE GIRLS.
AND EACH BOY HAD
TO FIND THE GIRL
WHOSE VALENTINE
MATCHED HIS HALF. AND LOOK.
- ZELDA, THIS ALL
SEEMS KIND OF SILLY.
- SEE? DOBIE'S MATCHED
MINE, AND MINE MATCHED HIS.
AND I KNEW IT WAS
FATE, I KNEW DOBIE AND I
WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
- ZELDA.
- I'VE BEEN SAVING MY HALF
SINCE I'M TEN YEARS OLD.
PLEASE, MR. GILLIS, DON'T
MAKE DOBIE THROW HIS AWAY.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
KEEP THE TORN HEART,
BUT THE REST OF THIS
JUNK HAS GOTTA GO,
TO THE INCINERATOR, BOY.
- YEAH.
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT, GOOD BUDDY?
- WHAT?
- YOU CAN'T BURN THIS.
THIS WAS THE FIRST
DRUM I EVERY BEAT.
A DRUM, THAT'S WHAT THEY USED
TO CALL A BONGO IN THE OLDEN DAYS.
THIS USED TO BE YOUR DRUM,
GOOD BUDDY, REMEMBER?
- YEAH, I REMEMBER, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, THE FIRST
TIME I EVER SAW YOU,
YOU WERE SITTING IN THE
PARK BEATING THIS DRUM.
WE WERE LITTLE, TINY
KIDS ABOUT ONE YEAR OLD.
- ABOUT TEN, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, LIKE THAT.
ANYHOW, YOU WERE
BEATING THAT DRUM,
AND, MAN, WERE YOU LOUSY.
NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE, NO.
- SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
"YOU GOTTA GET THAT DRUM
AWAY FROM THAT OFFBEAT CAT,
"OR HE'S GONNA RUN THE
BONGOS INTO THE GROUND,
OR YOUR NAME AIN'T
MAYNARD G. KREBS."
- EXCUSE ME, MAYNARD,
I KNOW THIS IS A
LITTLE OFF THE SUBJECT,
BUT THAT "G" IN
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I STILL DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT STANDS FOR.
- WALTER.
- OH.
- SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOU GOTTA GET THAT
DRUM AWAY FROM THAT CAT."
SO TRIED TO TAKE
IT AWAY FROM YOU.
- YEAH, AND I SOCKED
YOU IN THE JAW.
- YEAH, AND IT HURT. I DON'T
THINK I HAD NO BEARD THEN.
- NO, NO. SO YOU TRIED TO SWAP
ME SOMETHING FOR THE DRUM.
- I TRIED TO SWAP
YOU EVERYTHING,
MY BALL OF TIN FOIL IT TOOK
HALF MY LIFE TO COLLECT,
MY PET TURTLE, MY
SLIPPERY WILLOW WHISTLE,
MY, UH, APPENDIX
IN A GLASS JAR..
- GLASS JAR, YEAH,
BUT I WOULDN'T TRADE.
- NO, YOU WERE A HARD
MAN TO DO BUSINESS WITH,
UNTIL I FINALLY COME UP WITH
SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANTED,
THEN WE SWAPPED,
AND I GOT THE DRUM.
- WELL, IF YOU SWAPPED
DOBIE FOR THE DRUM,
HOW COME HE WOUND UP WITH IT?
- MY MOTHER MADE
ME TRADE IT BACK.
- WELL, WHAT DID YOU TRADE
FOR IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- MY LITTLE BROTHER, HAROLD.
- MAYNARD, SOMETIMES I THINK YOU
HAVE AN IMPEDIMENT IN YOUR HEAD.
- GEE, LIKE, THANKS, MR. G.
SO YOU SEE HOW IMPORTANT
THIS DRUM IS TO ME.
THIS IS WHERE I FIRST
LEARNED THE BEAT.
DON'T MAKE DOBIE BURN
IT. LIKE, PLEASE, MR. G?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KEEP THE DRUM,
YOU KEEP THE TORN HEART.
BUT THE REST OF THIS
STUFF HAS GOTTA GO.
IS THAT CLEARLY
UNDERSTOOD? NO EXCEPTIONS.
ALL RIGHT, BOY, TO
THE INCINERATOR,
ON THE DOUBLE, HUP,
TWO, THREE, FOUR,
HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR, HUT.
DETAIL, HALT. TO
THE REAR, MARCH.
- YOU WERE GOING TO BURN THESE?
- BUT DAD, YOU SAID TO TAKE ALL
THIS STUFF TO THE INCINERATOR.
- BUT I DID NOT SAY YOU SHOULD
BURN A MAN'S CHERISHED MEMORIES.
- CHERISHED MEMORIES? THIS
BEAT UP OLD PAIR OF SHOES?
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
PRIVATE GILLIS,
THIS BEAT UP OLD PAIR OF SHOES
HAPPENS TO BE THE FIRST
PAIR OF SHOES YOU EVER HAD.
I AM NOT GOING TO
HAVE THEM BURNED.
I AM GOING TO HAVE THEM BRONZED.
- BRONZE? IS THAT,
LIKE, FRENCH DIP?
- BRONZED, MAYNARD.
BRONZE IS A KIND OF METAL
YOU COVER THE SHOES WITH.
- METAL SHOES? I
DON'T KNOW, DOBE.
SHOES OUGHT TO BE MADE
OUT OF SOMETHING, LIKE, BENDY,
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING, LIKE, UH...
- LIKE, UH, LIKE LEATHER?
- LIKE, EACH TO HIS OWN TASTE.
I KING OF LEAN TOWARD CANVAS.
- CANVAS.
- MAYNARD, YOU DO NOT
HAVE SHOES BRONZED
SO SOMEBODY CAN WEAR THEM.
YOU HAVE SHOES BRONZED SO
YOU CAN KEEP THEM FOREVER
AS A CHERISHED MEMORY.
OH, HOW WELL I REMEMBER THE
NIGHT I BROUGHT THESE HOME.
IT WAS A LITTLE
OVER 18 YEARS AGO,
REMEMBER THE
NIGHT DOBE WAS BORN,
AND I WAS IN ARMY THEN
MYSELF, THE BIG WAR, YOU KNOW,
AND I WAS HOME ON
MY FIRST FURLOUGH.
["THE ARMY GOES
ROLLING ALONG" PLAYS]
[PHONE RINGS]
- GILLIS GROCERY
STORE. HERBERT T. GILLIS,
OH, HELLO, ED.
- YEAH. NO, I GOT A
WEEKEND FURLOUGH.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, WINNIE
AND THE LITTLE
STRANGER'S ON HIS WAY.
- NO, I HITCH-HIKED IN. I'M
GONNA HITCH-HIKE BACK.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN SAVING UP
ON THOSE COUPONS, YOU KNOW.
I WANT TO HAVE ENOUGH
GAS FOR THAT BIG, BAD TRIP.
- YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, I'LL CALL YOU
THE NEXT TIME I'M IN, ED.
- YEAH, SAY HELLO TO THE GUYS
DOWN AT THE
SHIPYARD FOR ME, HUH?
- OKAY, SO LONG.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
I WAS JUST GONNA
BRING THIS UP TO YOU,
A LITTLE, A LITTLE
PRESENT I GOT YOU.
IT'S A, IT'S A BED JACKET
FOR IN THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, HERBIE, IT'S LOVELY.
OH, I'M CERTAINLY GOING TO BE
ONE OF THE TEN BEST-DRESSED
WOMEN IN THAT MATERNITY WARD.
- YEAH, AND YOUR OLD LADY
YAPPING YOU SHOULD HAVE
MARRIED SHELDON CLOUVE,
OR CLUV, OR, HEY, WAIT,
I GOT SOMETHING ELSE
IN HERE, TOO. UH-OH.
OH, HERE'S SOMETHING. I'M
GONNA PUT YOU TO WORK.
YOU'RE GONNA SEW
THIS ON MY UNIFORM.
- HERBIE, THEY'VE
MADE YOU A COLONEL.
- OH, WINNIE, A
COLONEL. IT'S ONE STRIPE.
IT MEANS I'M A
PRIVATE, FIRST CLASS.
- OH, YOU'RE FIRST
CLASS, ALL RIGHT.
I'M GLAD THE ARMY
APPRECIATES THAT.
- YEAH, AND I GOT
SOMETHING ELSE IN HERE, TOO,
A LITTLE PRESENT FOR DOBIE.
- OH, HERBIE, DEAR, I DO
HOPE YOU'VE BEEN SENSIBLE
AND GOTTEN SOMETHING THAT
BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS CAN USE,
BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT DOBIE'S GOING TO BE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WE DON'T KNOW?
IT'S GOTTA BE A BOY.
WHOEVER HEARD OF
A GIRL NAMED "DOBIE?"
YOU'RE JUST KIDDING.
HIS FIRST PAIR OF SHOES.
- WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING
AT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- WELL, IT'S JUST...
- WELL, COME ON,
WHAT'S THE JOKE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU BEGRUDGE
YOUR OWN KID A PAIR OF SHOES?
YOU WANT HIM TO GO THROUGH LIFE
KNOWN AS "SHOELESS DOBIE GILLIS?
- NO, DEAR, IT'S
JUST THAT BABIES
DON'T NEED SHOES,
NOT FOR MONTHS.
I MEAN, SOME BABIES DON'T EVEN
WALK UNTIL THEY'RE A YEAR OLD.
- NOT THIS BABY KID.
WHY, LITTLE DOBIE'S
GONNA BE RUNNING
ALL OVER THE PLACE IN TWO WEEKS.
JUST THINK, WINNIE, THE LITTLE
FEET THAT GO IN THESE SHOES
CAN TAKE OUR BOY ANY
PLACE HE WANTS TO GO,
RIGHT UP THE LADDER OF
SUCCESS, ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.
- HERBERT, I FEEL KIND OF FUNNY.
WILL YOU GET ME TO
THE HOSPITAL, PLEASE?
- NOW?
- YES, HERBERT.
- THE HOSPITAL? NOW?
- YES, HERBERT.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- I JUST KNOW. NOW, COME ON.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, DEAR, I'M SURE.
- HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?
- WELL, I HAVE AN INSTINCT
FOR THESE THINGS.
- I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO
TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.
- NOW. NOW?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
STANDING THERE FOR?
COME ON. OH, WAIT,
YOU'VE GOT TO GO WITH ME.
HERE, COME ON, TAKE IT EASY.
DON'T TRIP OVER ANYTHING.
- OH, UM. WAIT A
MINUTE, HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING.
- WHAT?
- I GOTTA TAKE THESE
SO DOBIE CAN WALK
HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.
- DAD?
- HERBERT?
- MR. GILLIS?
- OH, LET ME ALONE.
CAN'T A MAN LOOK AT
A PAIR OF BABY SHOES
WITHOUT EVERYBODY
YAPPING AT HIM?
- YEP, THOSE ARE MY FOLKS.
AND THEY REALLY LOVE ME.
OH, SURE, SOMETIMES THEY'RE
A LITTLE UNREASONABLE,
AND THEY YELL AT ME,
AND THEY DON'T LET ME
HAVE THE CAR WHEN I
WANT IT, AND LIKE THAT.
BUT, HMM, IF THEY
REALLY LOVE ME,
WHY DO THEY TREAT ME LIKE THAT?
- AH, OF COURSE THEY LOVE ME.
AND LOVE IS THE GREATEST
THING IN THE WORLD.
ASK ANYBODY.
- YOU'RE WRONG, DOBE.
THE GREATEST THING
IN THE WORLD IS JAZZ.
- NO, MAYNARD, THE GREATEST
THING IN THE WORLD IS LOVE.
- SURE, DOBE, LIKE
WHEN YOU LOVE JAZZ.
- OH, THAT DOESN'T
COMPARE WITH LOVING PEOPLE.
- PEOPLE? LIKE, MOTHERS?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, FATHERS?
- RIGHT.
- LIKE AUNTS AND UNCLES?
- RIGHT, AND LIKE GIRLS, TOO.
- LIKE, BYE, DOBE.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
SOME DAY YOU'LL LEARN
THAT LOVING A GIRL
IS THE BEST KIND
OF LOVE THERE IS.
IT GIVES YOU A
WONDERFUL FEELING,
LIKE, LIKE SOMETHING RUNNING
AROUND INSIDE YOUR CHEST,
LIKE SOME HAPPY
LITTLE FURRY ANIMAL.
- LIKE CHIPMUNKS?
- YEAH, LIKE CHIPMUNKS.
- LIKE SQUIRRELS?
- WELL, YEAH, LIKE SQUIRRELS.
- LIKE BEAVERS?
- MAYNARD, BEAVERS
ARE A LITTLE BIG
TO BE RUNNING AROUND
INSIDE YOUR CHEST.
- IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE
SIZE OF YOUR CHEST, DON'T IT?
- WELL, YEAH, LOOK...
- I BET WITH A LITTLE,
TINY CHEST LIKE YOURS,
YOU COULD GET A COUPLE OF
BEAVERS IN THERE IF THEY WAS ALL
KIND OF SQUINCHED UP.
- SQUINCHED UP?
- MAYBE THREE.
- YEAH, LOOK...
- LIKE, TAKE BEARS. YOU'D
NEVER GET A BEAR IN THERE.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH.
- OKAY, GOOD BUDDY, GO ON.
- NOW, NOW, YOU GET THIS
WONDERFUL FEELING, SEE.
- OOH, MAN, OR A TIGER.
MAN, YOU'D BE IN BIG
TROUBLE WITH A TIGER IN THERE,
ALL THAT CLAWING,
AND SCRATCHING,
SWINGING THAT BIG STRIPY TAIL,
OH, MAN, I NEVER
WANT A TIGER INSIDE.
DOBE?
[KNOCKS]
- HI, ZELDA.
- NEVER MIND THE SMALL TALK.
I'M HERE FOR A REASON.
- OH?
- I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT GOING INTO THE ARMY.
- NO, NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
NEW WORLD, NEW
LIFE, NEW PROBLEMS,
OF COURSE YOU'RE WORRIED.
- WELL, MAYBE JUST A LITTLE.
- RIGHT. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME COMFORT,
A ROCK YOU CAN CLING TO
IN THE TROUBLED DAYS AHEAD.
- OH, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE ME.
- ZELDA.
- DOBIE, WHILE
YOU'RE IN THE ARMY,
I WANT YOU TO BE ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY CONFIDENT
OF ONE THING, I'LL
BE WAITING FOR YOU.
- FIGURES.
- THROUGH THICK AND THIN,
THROUGH STORM AND STRIFE,
THROUGH FAIR WEATHER
AND FOUL, I'LL BE WAITING.
- ZELDA, NO OFFENSE,
BUT WHO ASKED YOU?
- DOBIE, YOU MEAN
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
YOU'RE STILL FIGHTING ME?
- ZELDA, LET ME PUT THIS
AS KINDLY AS POSSIBLE,
I'VE ALWAYS SAID YOU'RE A
FINE GIRL AND A TRUE FRIEND,
AND YOU'VE GOT A BIG HEART,
AND A BIG BRAIN, AND A
LOT OF PERSEVERANCE.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
BRAINS, HEART, GUTS,
DECENCY, LOYALTY,
SWEETNESS, THAT'S ME, TRUE?
- TRUE. BUT YOU...
- BUT YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR SOME PRETTY, EMPTY-HEADED
LITTLE PIECE OF FLUFF
WITH A HEART LIKE A STONE
AND A BRAIN LIKE A RAISIN.
- OH, I WOULDN'T
PUT IT THAT WAY.
- WELL, I WOULD, AND I'M RIGHT.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET
WISE, YOU POOR, DEAR FOOL?
NOW, LET'S SAY YOU
FIND THIS GORGEOUS GIRL.
WHAT'S THE FUTURE GONNA BE LIKE?
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
BEAUTY DISAPPEARS?
- ZELDA.
- SKIN WRINKLES, TEETH CRUMBLE,
HAIR FALLS OUT. WHAT
DO YOU END UP WITH?
A HAG, WITH NO BRAINS
IN HER SHRUNKEN HEAD
AND NO LOVE IN HER
WITHERED HEART.
- ZELDA.
- TAKE THE LONG VIEW, POOPSIE,
TAKE ME. WHAT'S MY FUTURE LIKE?
JUST THIS, I'M GONNA
GET BRAVER AND BETTER
AND SMARTER AND SWEETER.
THE ONLY THING I'M NOT
GONNA GET IS HOMELIER.
NOW, HOW CAN YOU REFUSE?
- ZELDA, LOOK...
- NO, DON'T GIVE
ME AN ANSWER NOW
BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST TOO DUMB.
MAYBE TIME WILL BRING
A LITTLE INTELLIGENCE
TO THAT TINY BRAIN PAN,
A SLIM POSSIBILITY,
BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE.
ANYHOW, POOPSIE,
I'LL BE WAITING.
- ZELDA.
- I'LL BE WAITING.
- YEP, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
THEY'RE A HARD BUNCH
OF PEOPLE, ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE ABOUT AS
TOUGH AS A BOWL OF MUSH.
AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT.
BUT I'VE GOT TO ADMIT ONE THING,
WHEN THE DAY FINALLY CAME
FOR ME TO GO OFF TO THE ARMY,
THEY STUCK TO THEIR GUNS.
NO TEARS, NO DEMONSTRATIONS,
NO SLOPPY SENTIMENT.
- HE'S COMING DOWN
NOW TO SAY GOODBYE,
SO DON'T FORGET, UNEMOTIONAL.
- TOUGH.
- UNCONCERNED.
- CASUAL.
- WELL...
- THIS IS IT.
- YES, THIS IS IT.
- THAT'S WHAT IT IS, IT.
- I'LL WRITE YOU OFTEN
- EH, IF YOU HAPPEN
TO THINK OF IT, OKAY.
- DON'T PUT YOURSELF OUT.
- IF YOU'VE GOT
NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
- AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO WORRY ABOUT ME.
- WORRY?
- OH, THAT'S A LAUGH.
- HAR-DE-HAR-HAR.
- AND A HAR.
- WELL...
- YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BOY,
YOU'RE GONNA MISS YOUR BUS.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THE ARMY'S GOT NO PATIENCE
FOR SOLDIERS WHO SHOW UP LATE.
- THE ARMY'S NO
COUNTRY CLUB, YOU KNOW.
- YEAH. WELL, DAD.
- WHAT?
- DON'T YOU WANT TO SHAKE HANDS?
- IF YOU WANT.
- MOM.
- SO LONG, KID.
- ZELDA?
- ON YOUR HORSE,
BOY. TIME'S A-WASTING.
DOBIE. HIS COUNTRY'S WAITING
AND HE'S WRINKLING. GO, ALREADY.
- YEAH, YEAH, I
GUESS I'D BETTER.
- WELL, SO LONG?
- BYE.
- SO LONG.
- SO LONG.
- WELL, YOU CAME THROUGH
WITH FLYING COLORS, LADIES.
UNEMOTIONAL.
- TOUGH.
- UNCONCERNED.
- CASUAL.
[CRYING]
- EXCUSE ME, I DON'T
WANT TO DISTURB.
- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- WELL, I DID WANT
A CAN OF SARDINES.
- LARGE OR SMALL?
- WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE IN PRICE?
- WELL, THE SMALL IS 28 CENTS.
- AND THE LARGE?
- FORTY-SIX.
- I'LL TAKE THE SMALL.
- ANYTHING ELSE.
- HALF A POUND OF SWISS CHEESE.
- WITH OUR WITHOUT HOLES?
- WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE IN PRICE?
- WITHOUT IS 48 CENTS.
- AND WITH?
- A DIME.
- I'LL TAKE THE...
[ALL CRYING]
- OH, MY SON, MY SON, MY SON.
- POOPSIE.
- ALL SET, MAYNARD?
- ALL SET, GOOD BUDDY.
- GEE, IT GIVES YOU KIND OF
A FUNNY FEELING, DOESN'T IT?
I MEAN, LEAVING ALL THE
OLD, FAMILIAR THINGS BEHIND.
- YEAH, IT MAKES ME, LIKE,
ALL MISTY, SO I'M NOT DOING IT.
- YOU'RE NOT DOING IT?
- RIGHT.
REMEMBER WHAT YOUR FATHER
SAID ABOUT HAVING YOUR BABY SHOES
TURNED INTO BRONZE SO HE
ALWAYS CAN HAVE THEM AROUND?
- YEAH.
- WELL, IT GAVE ME AN IDEA,
DOBE.
- AN IDEA?
- YEAH, WATCH [CLANG,
CLANG, CLANG, CLANG]
- GOOD THINKING, HUH?
- GOOD THINKING,
MAYNARD. UH-HUH.
- DOBIE, HOW COME NOBODY ELSE
EVER TELLS ME HOW SMART I AM?
- JEALOUSY, MAYNARD,
PURE JEALOUSY.
- ALL SET?
- YEAH.
- WELL, WE'RE OFF.
[SINGING] ♪ OVER
HILL, OVER DALE ♪
♪ WE WILL HIT THE
DUSTY TRAIL AS THOSE... ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪