The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 19 - Will Success Spoil Dobie's Mother? - full transcript
Mrs. Gillis writes the winning entry in a contest and Dobie eagerly anticipates the prize: a date with glamorous movie starlet Merilee Maribou. Seeing the date as a stepping stone to success, Dobie performs "Don't Shoot The Man on the Moon" from Dwayne Hickman's 1960 Capitol LP, "Dobie."
- HI, WINNIE POO! WHEN'S DINNER?
- IN A COUPLE OF
HOURS. I'VE BEEN BUSY.
- OH, WINNIE!
- SHH, HERBERT, THE NUMBER.
- 72-M.
- 72-M - HERE SHE SPINS AGAIN
AND IT'S NUMBER 62-G.
- 62-G.
- NOW ANOTHER LITTLE OLD
SPIN AND WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT.
- HI, MOM. WHEN'S DINNER?
- QUIET, DEAR. 42-O.
- DAD, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, YOUR MOTHER
DOESN'T HAVE TIME
FOR A LITTLE THING
LIKE HER FAMILY.
SHE'S TOO BUSY WITH HER CONTEST!
- AND LET'S HOPE IT'S THE
LUCKY NUMBER FOR YOU.
- WINIFRED! WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE SPORTS PAGE?
- OH, THAT'S WHAT WAS ON
THE BACK OF THE ENTRY BLANK
FOR THE CONTEST TO
NAME THE NEW COLT
OF NATHAN, THE WONDER HORSE.
OH, IT'S TIME FOR THE
NAME THE MELODY CONTEST.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- WE GILLISES ARE NOT EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'D CALL A LUCKY FAMILY.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I'VE LOST SIX GIRLS IN
THE LAST FOUR MONTHS
AND THEY WERE SHORT MONTHS.
BUT MOM IGNORES THIS
TERRIBLE FAMILY JINX
AND KEEPS ENTERING
CONTESTS ANYHOW.
- WOMEN!
- WHICH WOMEN?
- WOMEN! THAT WOMEN!
ALL WOMEN! YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM
AND I'M TOO SET IN
MY WAYS TO JOIN 'EM!
- WE WOULDN'T HAVE YOU!
- YOU ARE UNDERMINING
ALL THE GOODWILL
I'VE BUILT UP IN
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
THROUGH YEARS OF HARD WORK
AND BY EXUDING A WARM,
FRIENDLY, WINNING PERSONALITY.
AND HAVE YOU EVER
WON ANYTHING? NO!
BUT EVERY NIGHT,
IT'S THE SAME THING,
25 WORDS OR LESS, FOR NOTHING!
- WELL, YOU DO THE SAME THING.
- I WHAT?
- EVERY NIGHT, YOU SETTLE DOWN
IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION SET,
YOU GIVE ME 25 WORDS
OR LESS, MUCH LESS.
- GEE, DAD, IF MOM ENJOYS IT,
WHY BEGRUDGE HER A
FEW THREE-CENT STAMPS?
- THE MONEY HAS ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!
BESIDES, THEY ARE
NOW FOUR-CENT STAMPS.
- WHAT IF I WERE ASKING TO GO
OUT SOMEWHERE EVERY NIGHT?
- ASK, ASK!
- OR ASKING FOR A NEW DRESS
THREE OR FOUR TIMES A YEAR?
- ASK, ASK!
- OR JUST GOING TO
THE CASH REGISTER
AND GETTING THE MONEY?
- YOU WOULDN'T DARE!
- WELL, MAYBE I WILL JUST DARE
TO SPEND A LITTLE SOMETHING
BESIDES MY TIME ON HARMLESS
CONTESTS THAT COST NO MONEY!
- HARMLESS CONTESTS?
I HAVEN'T HAD A SQUARE
MEAL IN TWO MONTHS!
I CAN'T READ A CONTINUED
STORY IN A MAGAZINE
BECAUSE THE FINAL EPISODE
ALWAYS WINDS UP A HOLE
WHERE YOU CUT OUT SOME COUPON
TO SEND AWAY TO GET SOMETHING
THAT YOU NEVER GET!
- WELL, IT'S WORTH IT, BECAUSE
ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL WIN.
- YOU'LL NEVER WIN.
- I WILL TOO!
- YOU WANNA BET? LISTEN,
IF YOU EVER WIN A CONTEST,
I WILL LET YOUR MOTHER
COME OUT HERE ON A VISIT.
- YOU WHAT?
- FOR A MONTH!
- PROMISE?
- AND THAT MISERABLE
CAN'T GET MARRIED,
NO WONDER SISTER
OF YOURS TOO, GLADYS!
- FOR ONE MONTH?
- FOR TWO MONTHS!
- THREE MONTHS!
- NOW, WINNIE...
- OH, I KNEW YOU'D BACK OUT.
- FOUR MONTHS!
- BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'LL WIN ONE
OF THESE CONTESTS EVENTUALLY.
- FIVE MONTHS! SIX MONTHS!
- SIX MONTHS! IT'S A DEAL!
I'LL HOLD YOU TO IT!
MOTHER AND GLADYS
FOR SIX MONTHS!
- CORRECT!
- I'LL WRITE THEM AT
ONCE TO START PACKING!
- PRETTY DUMB BET YOU MADE, DAD,
ABOUT LETTING GRANDMA
AND AUNT GLADYS
COME FOR SIX MONTHS.
- NOW, LISTEN...
- YOU'RE RISKING LETTING
GRANDMA AND AUNT GLADYS COME
AND MOM'S NOT RISKING A THING.
- OH, MY GOSH.
OH, WHAT'S TO WORRY ABOUT?
ONE LONE WOMAN AGAINST
172 MILLION OTHER AMERICANS.
BESIDES, WE'RE
AN UNLUCKY FAMILY.
- WE ARE?
- WELL, LET'S LOOK
AT THE RECORD.
WHAT'S THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE?
- A LOVELY CREATURE
NAMED JESSICA TITCHBORN.
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- IT ISN'T.
- I REST MY CASE.
- HELLO, JESSICA, MY
DARLING, MY SWEET, MY... WHAT?
SHE'S OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL
WITH FAST FREIGHT McCURDY?
YEAH, THANK YOU, MR. TITCHBORN.
- NO! NO, NO, NO!
- OH, WHY?
- NOW WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND?
- OH, WHY, JESSICA, BABY?
- I'VE BEEN TELLING
YOU FOR A WEEK.
- OH, WHY, JESSICA, BABY?
- BECAUSE OF ALL
THE BOYS I KNOW,
YOU'RE THE MOST DISMAL, BOORISH,
DREARY, UNAPPETIZING...
- YOU RANG?
- QUIET!
- LIKE, HI, DOBE,
WHAT YOU DOING?
- SHH!
- SHH! SHH.
- WHAT FUN IS THAT?
- WILL YOU TRY TO GET IT
THROUGH YOUR THICK,
ATHLETIC SKULL, FAST FREIGHT?
THE UNDYING LOVE I
FELT FOR YOU IS DEAD!
- IF THERE'S ANOTHER
GUY, I'LL MURDER HIM!
- HEY, THAT'S FAST
FREIGHT McCURDY.
OOH, I WOULDN'T WANNA
GET MURDERED BY HIM!
- THERE IS NO OTHER
MAN, FAST FREIGHT.
I GOT SICK OF YOU
WITHOUT ANY HELP.
- YOU USED TO BE CRAZY
ABOUT MY DEEP BREATHING.
- FOR TWO AND A HALF
REGRETTABLE SEMESTERS
WHEN I MISTOOK IT FOR PASSION.
- OH, COME ON, JESSICA, BABY.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY
ABOUT FAST FREIGHT.
FEEL THAT BICEP!
- OH, NO.
- COME ON, LET ME CURL YOU!
- NO! NO, NO, NO!
IT JUST NO LONGER GIVES ME
THAT FLUTTERY, BUTTERY,
STUTTERY FEELING.
- HIT ME IN THE STOMACH
WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! COME ON!
- NEVER AGAIN, FAST FREIGHT.
I'M GOING TO FIND ME A BOY
WITH THE STRENGTH
OF AN HOUR-OLD KITTEN
AND THE COURAGE OF
A CRIPPLED BUTTERFLY,
A BOY WITH BICEPS OF
SPONGE, LEGS OF JELLY
AND A BACKBONE
LIKE A WET NOODLE.
- YOU RANG?
- INDEED I DID,
AND NEVER HAS AN ORDER
BEEN FILLED MORE PERFECTLY.
HI, DOBIE!
- JESSICA, MY SWEET,
MY STOMACH'S FULL OF
BUTTERFLIES, ALL COWARDLY.
- YOU'RE SWEET.
- YES.
- AND YOU TAKE YOUR BIG
LUMPY MUSCLES AND GO HOME!
- JESSICA!
- GO!
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN,
OH, PRINCESS OF MY INFINITY.
- HEY, THAT'S CUTE.
- YES, IT IS.
- ZELDA!
- ONLY IT JUST SO HAPPENS
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE IT.
- SPLENDID, DUCKS. I
WAS AFRAID MOMENTARILY
THAT HE WAS GONNA BE BRAINY.
- AND I MIGHT ADD, DUCKS,
I WROTE IT FOR DOBIE TO SAY
TO ME ON MY LAST BIRTHDAY.
IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENT
TO ME, HIS ONLY PRESENT.
- OH, I CARE NOTHING
ABOUT MONEY.
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN, OH...
- JESSICA, YOU CAN'T WANT
HIM! I MEAN, TAKE A LOOK.
THAT TINY CHIN,
THAT POINTED HEAD,
THOSE PIGEON TOES. YOU
CAN'T POSSIBLY WANT HIM.
- OH, BUT I DO!
- OH, SHE DOES.
- HE'S PERFECT.
- PERFECT?
A PERFECT WHAT?
- GUESS.
- MESS?
- YES.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT? A MESS?
- OH, YES.
- SMALL GIRL?
- WHAT?
- YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- YOU COULD BE, LIKE, RIGHT.
- DAD? DAD,
AT LAST I'VE FOUND
HER, JESSICA TITCHBORN.
- WELL, IF SHE COSTS
ANYTHING, LOSE HER.
LOOK AT THIS,
BILLS, BILLS, BILLS.
THERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
- HUH? A BILL?
- WELL, IF IT IS, YOU'RE IN
WORSE TROUBLE THAN I AM.
- I DON'T GET IT.
- YOU DON'T GET WHAT?
- LISTEN. DEAR DOBIE
GILLIS, CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU HAVE WON FIRST PRIZE
IN "MOVIE SCREEN" MAGAZINE'S
NATIONAL WHY I'D LIKE A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU CONTEST.
MISS MARIBOU WILL ARRIVE
NEXT FRIDAY AFTERNOON
TO KEEP HER DATE WITH
YOU. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.
- MERILEE MARIBOU?
THE MERILEE MARIBOU?
THIS MERILEE MARIBOU?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
- I UNDERSTAND IT! I WON!
I WON! I WON! I WON THE
MERILEE MARIBOU CONTEST!
ME, WINIFRED GILLIS,
OVER EVERYBODY ELSE
IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES!
I WON, I WON, I WON!
- WINNIE, ARE YOU
GONNA SIMMER DOWN
OR DO I HAVE TO WRAP YOU
IN A WET SHEET?
- I WON!
- YOU WON A DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU, HUH?
- YES! THE CONTEST WAS WHY I'D
LIKE A DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
AND I ENTERED IT AND I WON IT!
- AND THE LETTER
SAYS THAT DOBIE WON IT.
- WELL, NATURALLY, I
ENTERED IT IN DOBIE'S NAME.
HOW WOULD IT LOOK FOR A WOMAN
TO ENTER A CONTEST, WHY I WANT
A DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- YOU MEAN I REALLY GOT A DATE
WITH BEAUTIFUL, GLAMOROUS,
LUSCIOUS MERILEE
MARIBOU, THE MOVIE STAR?
- YES, MY DARLING,
AND I'VE GOT A DATE RIGHT HERE
FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS
WITH MOM AND GLADYS!
- NOW JUST A MINUTE!
JUST A DARN MINUTE!
- NOW, HERBERT, YOU SAID
THAT IF I WON A CONTEST,
I COULD HAVE MOM
AND GLADYS VISIT ME!
- BUT YOU DID NOT WIN A
CONTEST. DOBIE WON A CONTEST!
- WELL, YES, BUT I
ENTERED THE CONTEST!
- BUT DOBIE WON THE CONTEST!
- HERBERT, THAT IS NOT
FAIR AND YOU KNOW IT!
- IT'S A LOT FAIRER THAN HAVING
YOUR MOTHER AND THAT GLADYS
AROUND HERE FOR SIX MONTHS.
- WELL, WE'LL LEAVE
IT UP TO DOBIE.
- A DATE WITH MERILEE
MARIBOU? SOFT, CREAMY,
PINK, ROUND MERILEE
MARIBOU, THE MOVIE STAR?
- WELL, DOBIE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- I SAY, LIKE, WOW!
- HERBERT, I WON THAT
CONTEST FAIR AND SQUARE
AND I CAN PROVE IT. THE
ENTRY'S IN MY HANDWRITING.
- ALL RIGHT. GO
AHEAD AND PROVE IT
AND THEN DO YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?
- YES. MOM AND GLADYS
COME HERE FOR SIX MONTHS.
- DOBIE IS DISQUALIFIED
AND DOES NOT GET HIS
DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- MOM, YOU WOULDN'T!
- YES, SHE WOULD, SON.
WHEN IT COMES TO A CONTEST,
WHAT DOES SHE CARE IF
SHE BREAKS YOUR HEART,
YOU WHO HAVE BEEN A TRUE,
LOYAL, LOVING, DEVOTED SON
EVER SINCE THE
DAY YOU WERE BORN?
- MOM?
- OH!
I THINK YOU'RE
TERRIBLE, BOTH OF YOU!
- HEY, DAD, DO YOU THINK
WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
- SON, YOU KNOW YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND YOUR MISERABLE AUNT GLADYS
YACKETY YAK TALKING ALL THE TIME
AND ALWAYS PICKING ON ME.
"POOR, POOR WINIFRED"
AND, "OH, HOW WE
TRIED TO WARN HER."
- I KNOW, DAD, BUT
JUST THE SAME...
- LET'S LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY, SON.
DO YOU WANNA PASS UP A
DATE WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL,
UPSTANDING FIGURE OF THE
FLOWER OF AMERICAN WOMANHOOD?
- HM.
- EXACTLY.
- THIS IS A ROTTEN THING
WE'RE DOING TO MOM.
- OH, THE LOWEST.
- THE MEANEST.
- THE CRUMMIEST.
- LET'S DO IT.
BUT JUST THIS ONCE!
- JUST THIS ONCE.
- AH, HERE I AM, MY DEAREST,
TO SING YOU SONGS OF LOVE,
OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS.
- YOU'RE LATE, DOBIE.
- I KNOW, MY LOVE.
SOMETHING CAME UP. YOU SEE,
THERE'S THIS MOVIE
STAR, MERILEE MARIBOU...
- MERILEE MARIBOU?
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I WAS JUST GONNA
MENTION HER TO YOU.
YOU KNOW, SOME LOCAL
BOY WON A CONTEST
ON WHY I WANT A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- YEAH, I'M THE LOCAL BOY.
- OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
YOU SEE, DOBIE, THERE WAS
THIS CONTEST IN A MOVIE MAGAZINE.
- YEAH.
- AND SOME LOCAL BOY WON IT.
- ME, ME, LOCAL ME.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
ISN'T THAT THE END?
SOME KID HERE IN TOWN
WROTE THIS LETTER
JUST SIMPLY FULL
OF PURPLE PASSIONATE PHRASES
ABOUT HOW HE WOULD
JUST CURL UP AND DIE
IF HE DIDN'T GET THIS DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- MERILEE MARIBOU, UH-HUH.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
WHAT KIND OF AN
IDIOT WOULD DO...
LOCAL YOU?
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- DOBIE GILLIS! YOU AWFUL,
HATEFUL, TERRIBLE BOY!
- BUT, JESSICA, IT'S ONLY
ONE DATE, ONE LOCAL DATE.
- ONE DATE, AND I SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE
GETTING LAUGHED AT BY
EVERYBODY IN THIS TOWN!
OH, NO! GOODBYE, YOU
TERRIBLE, HATEFUL,
ROTTEN, PUNY, LOCAL BOY!
- MAN, I THOUGHT
SHE'D NEVER LEAVE!
- ME TOO!
- JUST ONCE, I'D
LIKE TO BE ALONE!
- HEY, DOBE, DID YOU
REALLY WRITE A LETTER
AND WIN A DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU?
- OF COURSE NOT. HIS
MOTHER MUST HAVE DONE IT.
SHE'S ALWAYS ENTERING CONTESTS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, AND
I'M GONNA TELL JESSICA.
I'LL TELL THE WHOLE WORLD.
I'LL MAKE A CLEAN
BREAST OF THINGS.
- MAN, YOU'RE JOSHING!
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- MAYNARD,
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?
ONE LOUSY DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
OR A WHOLE LIFETIME OF
BLISS WITH JESSICA TITCHBORN?
- HM.
- WELL?
- ONE LOUSY DATE WITH MERILEE...
- NEVER MIND!
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR JESSICA ALL MY LIFE,
NO OFFENSE, ZELDA,
AND I'M NOT GONNA LOSE HER NOW
JUST FOR ONE MOMENT OF MADNESS.
- MADNESS? EGAD,
YOU CALL IT MADNESS?
- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
- I CALL IT
THE BEST THING THAT
EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
- BEST? WHAT KIND
OF A SWITCH IS THIS?
- POOR, FOOLISH DOBIE,
POOR WANDERING SOUL.
YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND
ME OF A LITTLE LOST PUPPY.
- I FOUND A LITTLE
LOST PUPPY ONCE.
- AND YOU PICKED HIM UP AND
TOOK HIM HOME, DIDN'T YOU?
- NO.
- HOW COME?
- I WAS LOST TOO.
- WELL, I'M NOT LOST.
I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING AND
I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
- WHERE?
- STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA KEEP
THIS DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU,
AND I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO.
- LOOK, DOBIE, I LOVE YOU
WITH ALL MY GREAT
COMPASSIONATE HEART.
IT'LL CRUSH ME TO SEE
YOU WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
IT'LL PULVERIZE ME.
- BUT?
- BUT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH
TO STAND IN YOUR WAY.
- ZELDA, YOU'RE TRYING TO
PUT SOMETHING OVER ON ME.
I CAN TELL BY YOUR
BRIGHT LITTLE BEADY EYES.
- YOU GREAT FOOL.
DON'T YOU REALIZE
THAT MARILEE MARIBOU IS
YOUR TICKET TO STARDOM?
- ME?
- HIM?
- MAYNARD.
- YOU DON'T REALIZE IT, DOBIE,
BUT YOU'RE REALLY A
VERY ATTRACTIVE BOY
EVEN TO A GIRL LIKE
MERILEE MARIBOU.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
- SHE'S BOUND TO LIKE YOU.
SHE'D TAKE YOU TO HOLLYWOOD
AND YOU'D BECOME A BIG STAR.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
- JUST AS SOON AS HOLLYWOOD
HEARD THAT GLORIOUS
VOICE OF YOURS.
- OH, DON'T BE... YEAH?
- YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT? JUST LISTEN.
TO WHAT?
- TO YOURSELF.
- OH.
- SING, POOPSIE.
- ♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH ♪
- ZELDA. ZELDA!
MAYNARD!
ZELDA. ZELDA!
- HUH?
- ZELDA, YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
- SURE, MAKING YOU A STAR.
♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH ♪
- MAYNARD.
- ZELDA!
- HUH?
- ZELDA, YOU LOVE ME.
YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO GO TO HOLLYWOOD.
- THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH
SCOOBY DO, SCOOBY DO! ♪
- MAYNARD?
- YEAH?
- SCOOBY DON'T.
ZELDA, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
IF I KEEP THIS DATE, I
LOSE JESSICA FOREVER
AND THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?
- DOBIE, CONCENTRATE.
YOU KEEP THIS DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
SHE WILL BE ENCHANTED BY
YOUR CLEAN, PURE GOOD LOOKS,
AS WHO WOULD NOT? THEN
YOU WILL SING FOR HER.
SHE WILL FLIP HER ENTIRE
SKULL, AS WHO WOULD NOT?
SHE WILL TAKE YOU TO HOLLYWOOD
AND INTRODUCE YOU
TO BIG PRODUCERS.
YOU WILL BECOME A STAR OF
STAGE, SCREEN, TELEVISION, RADIO,
RECORDS AND
SUPERMARKET OPENINGS.
YOU WILL BE THE IDOL OF
MILLIONS, ESPECIALLY GIRLS.
YOU'LL BE THE
SENSATION OF THE NATION!
- HM.
♪ I CAN'T BE BRAVE AND BOLD ♪
♪ BUT GIVE ME A GIRLY
WITH A SMILE SO PEARLY ♪
♪ AND THE OLD MOON
IS SHINING BRIGHTER ♪
♪ I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT
THIS BOY CAN DO ♪
♪ I'M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER ♪
- DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- OF COURSE, POOPSIE,
AND TO THINK YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT JESSICA.
WHY, YOU'LL HAVE HUNDREDS
OF JESSICAS, THOUSANDS!
- ZELDA, MY DEAR?
- WHAT?
- PLAY.
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
- ♪ I TRIED TO WRITE A LETTER ♪
♪ TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN ♪
♪ WITH THESE
PROBLEMS HURTING ME ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE THE GUILTY PARTY ♪
♪ I WISH YOU'D TELL ME WHY ♪
♪ YOU WANT TO
SHOOT YOUR MISSILES ♪
♪ AT MY FRIEND UP IN THE
SKY - BUM BUM BUM BUM ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ OH, NO ♪
♪ HE'S GOTTA KEEP,
KEEP SHINING IN JUNE ♪
♪ SHOOT AT THE STARS ♪
♪ SEND YOUR ROCKETS TO MARS ♪
♪ BUT DON'T SHOOT
THE MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ WHAT WOULD A SUMMER NIGHT BE ♪
♪ WITHOUT HIM SMILING DOWN ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE
GONNA SHOOT AT HIM ♪
♪ HE SURE WON'T STAY AROUND ♪
♪ HE'LL LEAVE US
ALL IN DARKNESS ♪
♪ AND WON'T THAT BE A SHAME ♪
♪ YOU'LL HAVE TO
KISS BY SATELLITE ♪
♪ AND THAT WON'T BE THE
SAME - BUM BUM BUM BUM ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE MAN
IN THE MOON, OH, NO ♪
♪ HE'S GOTTA KEEP
KEEP SHINING IN JUNE ♪
♪ SHOOT AT THE STARS ♪
♪ SEND YOUR ROCKETS TO MARS ♪
♪ BUT DON'T SHOOT
THE MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
[GUITAR MUSIC]
- DOBIE! DOBIE, DO YOU
HAVE TO KEEP DOING THAT?
ALL THIS RACKET IS DRIVING ME...
- OH, SURE, OPPORTUNITY
KNOCKS BUT ONCE.
- WELL, TELL IT NOT
TO KNOCK SO LOUD!
O-HO, WRITING TO YOUR
MOTHER AND SISTER, HUH?
- HERBERT, I WON THAT CONTEST
FAIR AND SQUARE AND YOU KNOW IT!
AND YOU PROMISED
AND I THINK YOU'RE BEING
JUST MEAN AND AWFUL!
- MOM, I FEEL ROTTEN ABOUT THIS.
HONEST, I DO, BUT
IF WORD GETS OUT
THAT I DIDN'T WIN THE CONTEST,
THEN I DON'T GET A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
AND I'LL NEVER GET TO
BE A BIG STAR OF STAGE,
SCREEN, TELEVISION,
RADIO, RECORDS
AND SUPERMARKET OPENINGS.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT
YOU SEE HOW IT IS.
- WHY, DOBIE!
STAGE, SCREEN, RADIO
AND SUPERMARKETS!
WHAT ON EARTH IS
HE BABBLING ABOUT?
- YOU KNOW, WINNIE,
IT COULD BE THE KID'S MAKING
SENSE FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE.
AFTER ALL, HE COMES FROM PEOPLE
WHO ARE LOADED WITH TALENT.
- LIKE WHO?
- LIKE LITTLE HERBIE
GILLIS, THE TOPS IN TAPS.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
I BEEN THINKING...
- YOU ARE LOADED WITH TALENT?
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
I THINK AFTER WE GET
OUT THERE TO HOLLYWOOD,
IT MIGHT OPEN UP A
WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR US.
AFTER ALL, I'VE CONQUERED
THE GROCERY BUSINESS.
WHY SHOULDN'T I TAKE
ON A NEW CAREER?
GET THIS.
EDWARD G.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH YOURSELF, SEE?
I'M LIABLE TO RUB YOU OUT, SEE?
'CAUSE I'M LITTLE CAESAR, SEE?
JIMMY CAGNEY.
ALL RIGHT, LOU, YOU
RAT. DROP THE GUN.
LOUIE, YOU KILLED
MY BROTHER, YOU RAT.
LIONEL BARRYMORE.
YOUR HONOR, YOU CAN'T
SEND THIS BOY TO JAIL FOR THAT!
OH, SHE ALWAYS WAS
JEALOUS OF MY TALENT.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD, THINK OF IT.
IN JUST A FEW MINUTES,
I'LL BE MEETING AMERICA'S
DREAM PRINCESS,
GORGEOUS MERILEE MARIBOU.
- YEAH. A DATE WITH A CHICK LIKE
THAT IS WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE
A FELLA COULD GO
THROUGH IN HIS WHOLE LIFE,
EVEN LONGER.
- TRUE.
- HEY, DOBE, HOW COME
YOU'RE WEARING THAT TIE
AND THE SHIRT AND A
COAT AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU GOT YOUR HAIR
ALL STICKERED DOWN.
- FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU POLISHED
YOUR SNEAKERS.
- THEY'RE SHOES AND
THEY'RE FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU DID ALL
THAT JUST FOR HER?
- SURE.
- MAN,
IF THAT'S ALL THE TROUBLE YOU
GOTTA GO THROUGH TO GET A CHICK,
I'M GONNA STICK WITH MARBLES.
- AW, JUST WAIT, MAYNARD.
SOMEDAY YOU TOO
WILL KNOW THE ECSTASY
THAT I WILL SOON
SHARE WITH MERILEE,
THE TWO OF US ALONE
TOGETHER, HAND IN HAND,
DRIFTING THROUGH THE
LONG, LAZY, QUIET HOURS.
- NO, YOU'LL GET YOUR
MOMENT! HERE WE GO!
EVERYBODY'LL SEE HER, NOW.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE KID?
WHERE'S THE KID? THE KID?
I WANT THE WINNER!
WHAT'S HIS NAME? GILLIS.
GILLIS?
- YEAH, DOPIE GILLIS.
THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
DOBIE WITH A B. YOU'RE THE KID?
FINE, FINE! ARE THE
PHOTOGRAPHERS SET? GOOD.
- THIS ISN'T MY DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU, IS IT?
I MEAN, AFTER ALL
THESE PEOPLE GO,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME
TIME, JUST THE TWO OF US,
MERILEE MARIBOU AND ME,
ALONE TOGETHER, AREN'T WE, SIR?
- WHAT ARE YOU? SOME
KIND OF A NUT OR SOMETHING?
WE HAVE TO CATCH THE
4:30 PLANE TO CLEVELAND!
- THAT'S EIGHT MINUTES!
- YOU SET?
- SIR? SIR? SIR?
- DON'T BUG ME, SONNY.
I'M A BUSY MAN.
- BUT EIGHT MINUTES?
- OKAY, SON, JUST MAKE
EVERY MINUTE COUNT.
- WELL, YEAH.
- COME ON OVER HERE.
HERE, PUT THIS THING
ON AND GET UP THERE.
AS SOON AS THIS MERILEE MARIBOU
OR WHATEVER HER
NAME IS SHOWS UP,
GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE
GOT. DON'T FORGET, BOY.
HEY, I'M HERBERT T. GILLIS,
THE FATHER OF THE BOY.
- AND I'M HIS MOTHER.
- THOSE ARE THE BREAKS!
- INCIDENTALLY, WHEN YOU GET
THE BOY OUT TO HOLLYWOOD,
YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY
BECAUSE, NATURALLY, I'LL
GO ALONG WITH HIM, SEE?
AT THE MOMENT, I HAPPEN TO BE
A VERY SUCCESSFUL, INDEPENDENT
RETAIL MERCHANT AND BEFORE...
- GOOD, SWEETIE-BABY,
THAT'S GREAT.
- BUT BEFORE THAT, YOU
SEE, I WAS IN SHOW BUSINESS.
GET THIS. EDDIE G.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH IT, SEE?
OR I'LL RUB YOU OUT, SEE?
I'M LITTLE CAESAR, SEE?
AND JIMMY CAGNEY.
ALL RIGHT, LOUIE, YOU RAT.
- ALL RIGHT, NOW.
I LIKED THE FIRST ONE, SEE?
I SAID I LIKED THE FIRST ONE.
NOW SEE HERE, YOU GUYS,
I SAID I LIKED THE
FIRST ONE, SEE?
YEAH. WE'RE BOTH LOADED
WITH TALENT, CHARLIE.
NOW OUT OF THE WAY.
ATTENTION, EVERYONE.
HERE SHE IS,
HOLLYWOOD'S PANTHER GIRL,
AN ACTRESS IN THE
GREAT TRADITION
OF ETHEL BARRYMORE
AND SARAH BERNHARDT,
AMERICA'S GOODWILL
AMBASSADOR TO THE FREE WORLD,
THE ONE, THE ONLY,
THE SPECTACULAR MARILEE MARIBOU!
MISS MARIBOU, I WANT YOU
TO MEET THE LUCKY YOUNG MAN
WHO WROTE THAT TOUCHING LETTER
THAT WON HIM A
DATE WITH YOU TODAY!
[SCREAMS]
- MAYNARD!
OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN,
OH, PRINCESS OF MY INFINITY.
- OOH.
- OOH?
MISS MARIBOU?
- COME ON.
GET UP THERE AND
SING, BOY, SING.
- NOW, MERILEE, TELL THE FOLKS
HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO BE
IN THEIR LOVELY LITTLE TOWN.
- ♪ I TRIED TO WRITE A LETTER ♪
- OOH.
- AND HOW MUCH YOU ENJOYED
MAKING YOUR LAST PICTURE,
"THE BUGGED AND THE UNBUGGED."
- OOH, OOH!
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEXT PICTURE?
- ♪ YOU WANT TO SHOOT ♪
♪ YOUR MISSILES AT MY
FRIEND UP IN THE SKY ♪
- OH, IT'S CALLED "FLOOM."
I PLAY AN ATOMIC SCIENTIST.
- ♪ AT THE STARS ♪ OH, NO.
- OH, OH!
- OH, IT SOUNDS
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!
NOW I WANT YOU TO BLOW
A KISS TO WHAT'S HIS NAME?
GILLIS! GILLIS! GILLIS!
- DOBIE GILLIS!
- DOPIE GILLIS!
- NO, DOBIE WITH A B!
- DOBIE WITH A B,
BECAUSE THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
A HIGH POINT IN THIS KID'S LIFE!
- LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU!
- MISS MARIBOU?
- NOW SAY GOODBYE
TO THE NICE PEOPLE!
- BYE, NICE PEOPLE.
- MISS MARIBOU?
BUT I DIDN'T EVEN
GET EIGHT MINUTES!
THANKS A LUMP!
- DOBIE, I'M SORRY, HONEST!
- NO.
- JESSICA, PLEASE.
CAN'T WE TALK THIS OVER?
- NO.
- BUT I DIDN'T WRITE THAT
LETTER TO MERILEE MARIBOU.
MY MOTHER WROTE IT.
- THERE!
THE TRUTH IS OUT AT LAST!
- WINNIE?
- AND I'VE GOT WITNESSES.
I WON THAT CONTEST AND YOU'RE
GONNA DO WHAT YOU PROMISED!
- WINNIE?
- MOTHER AND GLADYS
FOR SIX MONTHS.
- NOW, WINNIE.
- LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOUR MOTHER WROTE A LETTER
ASKING FOR A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- YEAH.
- AND THAT'S YOUR FATHER,
THE ONE WHO DID
ALL THOSE IMITATIONS?
- YEAH.
- AND THAT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
- WELL, YEAH.
- BYE, DOBIE.
- JESSICA!
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, DOBIE.
YOU STILL GOT ME.
- AND ME.
- AND ME.
- AND ME.
AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND AUNT GLADYS.
- OH, IN ALL THIS RAIN,
WHERE CAN MOM AND GLADYS BE?
THEIR TRAIN WAS DUE
IN HALF AN HOUR AGO.
- I TOLD DOBIE TO
DRIVE HOME SLOW.
- WORRIED ABOUT MOM AND GLADYS?
- STALLING TILL I HAVE
TO LOOK AT THEM.
- HERE THEY ARE.
OH, HERE THEY ARE!
MOM!
- WINIFRED!
I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET HERE.
- HOW LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
- WINIFRED, OH!
I'M SO GLAD TO GET HERE! I
THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET HERE.
- HI.
- HELLO, HERBERT.
- OH, HELLO, HERBERT.
POOR, POOR WINIFRED.
- HOW WE WARNED HER.
- WHAT'D I TELL YOU?
- POOR DAD.
MAYNARD, IT WAS AWFUL LAST
NIGHT THE WAY DAD GOT ROUGHED UP
BY GRANDMA AND AUNT GLADYS.
AND ALL ON ACCOUNT
OF THOSE CONTESTS.
WHY DO PEOPLE LET
CONTESTS RUN THEIR LIVES?
I MEAN, MOM AND DAD WERE...
MAYNARD, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
- "I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT
THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP"
IN 25 WORDS OR LESS
BY MAYNARD G. KREBS.
I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT
THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP
BECAUSE IT'S ONE OF
THE FRIENDLIEST SWAMPS
IN THE WHOLE STATE
OF MINNEAPOLIS.
- MAYNARD?
- THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP
IS ALSO FULL OF FRIENDLY
ALLIGATORS AND FRIENDLY SNAKES.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- IN A COUPLE OF
HOURS. I'VE BEEN BUSY.
- OH, WINNIE!
- SHH, HERBERT, THE NUMBER.
- 72-M.
- 72-M - HERE SHE SPINS AGAIN
AND IT'S NUMBER 62-G.
- 62-G.
- NOW ANOTHER LITTLE OLD
SPIN AND WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT.
- HI, MOM. WHEN'S DINNER?
- QUIET, DEAR. 42-O.
- DAD, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, YOUR MOTHER
DOESN'T HAVE TIME
FOR A LITTLE THING
LIKE HER FAMILY.
SHE'S TOO BUSY WITH HER CONTEST!
- AND LET'S HOPE IT'S THE
LUCKY NUMBER FOR YOU.
- WINIFRED! WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE SPORTS PAGE?
- OH, THAT'S WHAT WAS ON
THE BACK OF THE ENTRY BLANK
FOR THE CONTEST TO
NAME THE NEW COLT
OF NATHAN, THE WONDER HORSE.
OH, IT'S TIME FOR THE
NAME THE MELODY CONTEST.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- WE GILLISES ARE NOT EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'D CALL A LUCKY FAMILY.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I'VE LOST SIX GIRLS IN
THE LAST FOUR MONTHS
AND THEY WERE SHORT MONTHS.
BUT MOM IGNORES THIS
TERRIBLE FAMILY JINX
AND KEEPS ENTERING
CONTESTS ANYHOW.
- WOMEN!
- WHICH WOMEN?
- WOMEN! THAT WOMEN!
ALL WOMEN! YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM
AND I'M TOO SET IN
MY WAYS TO JOIN 'EM!
- WE WOULDN'T HAVE YOU!
- YOU ARE UNDERMINING
ALL THE GOODWILL
I'VE BUILT UP IN
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
THROUGH YEARS OF HARD WORK
AND BY EXUDING A WARM,
FRIENDLY, WINNING PERSONALITY.
AND HAVE YOU EVER
WON ANYTHING? NO!
BUT EVERY NIGHT,
IT'S THE SAME THING,
25 WORDS OR LESS, FOR NOTHING!
- WELL, YOU DO THE SAME THING.
- I WHAT?
- EVERY NIGHT, YOU SETTLE DOWN
IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION SET,
YOU GIVE ME 25 WORDS
OR LESS, MUCH LESS.
- GEE, DAD, IF MOM ENJOYS IT,
WHY BEGRUDGE HER A
FEW THREE-CENT STAMPS?
- THE MONEY HAS ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!
BESIDES, THEY ARE
NOW FOUR-CENT STAMPS.
- WHAT IF I WERE ASKING TO GO
OUT SOMEWHERE EVERY NIGHT?
- ASK, ASK!
- OR ASKING FOR A NEW DRESS
THREE OR FOUR TIMES A YEAR?
- ASK, ASK!
- OR JUST GOING TO
THE CASH REGISTER
AND GETTING THE MONEY?
- YOU WOULDN'T DARE!
- WELL, MAYBE I WILL JUST DARE
TO SPEND A LITTLE SOMETHING
BESIDES MY TIME ON HARMLESS
CONTESTS THAT COST NO MONEY!
- HARMLESS CONTESTS?
I HAVEN'T HAD A SQUARE
MEAL IN TWO MONTHS!
I CAN'T READ A CONTINUED
STORY IN A MAGAZINE
BECAUSE THE FINAL EPISODE
ALWAYS WINDS UP A HOLE
WHERE YOU CUT OUT SOME COUPON
TO SEND AWAY TO GET SOMETHING
THAT YOU NEVER GET!
- WELL, IT'S WORTH IT, BECAUSE
ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL WIN.
- YOU'LL NEVER WIN.
- I WILL TOO!
- YOU WANNA BET? LISTEN,
IF YOU EVER WIN A CONTEST,
I WILL LET YOUR MOTHER
COME OUT HERE ON A VISIT.
- YOU WHAT?
- FOR A MONTH!
- PROMISE?
- AND THAT MISERABLE
CAN'T GET MARRIED,
NO WONDER SISTER
OF YOURS TOO, GLADYS!
- FOR ONE MONTH?
- FOR TWO MONTHS!
- THREE MONTHS!
- NOW, WINNIE...
- OH, I KNEW YOU'D BACK OUT.
- FOUR MONTHS!
- BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'LL WIN ONE
OF THESE CONTESTS EVENTUALLY.
- FIVE MONTHS! SIX MONTHS!
- SIX MONTHS! IT'S A DEAL!
I'LL HOLD YOU TO IT!
MOTHER AND GLADYS
FOR SIX MONTHS!
- CORRECT!
- I'LL WRITE THEM AT
ONCE TO START PACKING!
- PRETTY DUMB BET YOU MADE, DAD,
ABOUT LETTING GRANDMA
AND AUNT GLADYS
COME FOR SIX MONTHS.
- NOW, LISTEN...
- YOU'RE RISKING LETTING
GRANDMA AND AUNT GLADYS COME
AND MOM'S NOT RISKING A THING.
- OH, MY GOSH.
OH, WHAT'S TO WORRY ABOUT?
ONE LONE WOMAN AGAINST
172 MILLION OTHER AMERICANS.
BESIDES, WE'RE
AN UNLUCKY FAMILY.
- WE ARE?
- WELL, LET'S LOOK
AT THE RECORD.
WHAT'S THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE?
- A LOVELY CREATURE
NAMED JESSICA TITCHBORN.
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- IT ISN'T.
- I REST MY CASE.
- HELLO, JESSICA, MY
DARLING, MY SWEET, MY... WHAT?
SHE'S OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL
WITH FAST FREIGHT McCURDY?
YEAH, THANK YOU, MR. TITCHBORN.
- NO! NO, NO, NO!
- OH, WHY?
- NOW WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND?
- OH, WHY, JESSICA, BABY?
- I'VE BEEN TELLING
YOU FOR A WEEK.
- OH, WHY, JESSICA, BABY?
- BECAUSE OF ALL
THE BOYS I KNOW,
YOU'RE THE MOST DISMAL, BOORISH,
DREARY, UNAPPETIZING...
- YOU RANG?
- QUIET!
- LIKE, HI, DOBE,
WHAT YOU DOING?
- SHH!
- SHH! SHH.
- WHAT FUN IS THAT?
- WILL YOU TRY TO GET IT
THROUGH YOUR THICK,
ATHLETIC SKULL, FAST FREIGHT?
THE UNDYING LOVE I
FELT FOR YOU IS DEAD!
- IF THERE'S ANOTHER
GUY, I'LL MURDER HIM!
- HEY, THAT'S FAST
FREIGHT McCURDY.
OOH, I WOULDN'T WANNA
GET MURDERED BY HIM!
- THERE IS NO OTHER
MAN, FAST FREIGHT.
I GOT SICK OF YOU
WITHOUT ANY HELP.
- YOU USED TO BE CRAZY
ABOUT MY DEEP BREATHING.
- FOR TWO AND A HALF
REGRETTABLE SEMESTERS
WHEN I MISTOOK IT FOR PASSION.
- OH, COME ON, JESSICA, BABY.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY
ABOUT FAST FREIGHT.
FEEL THAT BICEP!
- OH, NO.
- COME ON, LET ME CURL YOU!
- NO! NO, NO, NO!
IT JUST NO LONGER GIVES ME
THAT FLUTTERY, BUTTERY,
STUTTERY FEELING.
- HIT ME IN THE STOMACH
WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! COME ON!
- NEVER AGAIN, FAST FREIGHT.
I'M GOING TO FIND ME A BOY
WITH THE STRENGTH
OF AN HOUR-OLD KITTEN
AND THE COURAGE OF
A CRIPPLED BUTTERFLY,
A BOY WITH BICEPS OF
SPONGE, LEGS OF JELLY
AND A BACKBONE
LIKE A WET NOODLE.
- YOU RANG?
- INDEED I DID,
AND NEVER HAS AN ORDER
BEEN FILLED MORE PERFECTLY.
HI, DOBIE!
- JESSICA, MY SWEET,
MY STOMACH'S FULL OF
BUTTERFLIES, ALL COWARDLY.
- YOU'RE SWEET.
- YES.
- AND YOU TAKE YOUR BIG
LUMPY MUSCLES AND GO HOME!
- JESSICA!
- GO!
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN,
OH, PRINCESS OF MY INFINITY.
- HEY, THAT'S CUTE.
- YES, IT IS.
- ZELDA!
- ONLY IT JUST SO HAPPENS
I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE IT.
- SPLENDID, DUCKS. I
WAS AFRAID MOMENTARILY
THAT HE WAS GONNA BE BRAINY.
- AND I MIGHT ADD, DUCKS,
I WROTE IT FOR DOBIE TO SAY
TO ME ON MY LAST BIRTHDAY.
IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENT
TO ME, HIS ONLY PRESENT.
- OH, I CARE NOTHING
ABOUT MONEY.
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN, OH...
- JESSICA, YOU CAN'T WANT
HIM! I MEAN, TAKE A LOOK.
THAT TINY CHIN,
THAT POINTED HEAD,
THOSE PIGEON TOES. YOU
CAN'T POSSIBLY WANT HIM.
- OH, BUT I DO!
- OH, SHE DOES.
- HE'S PERFECT.
- PERFECT?
A PERFECT WHAT?
- GUESS.
- MESS?
- YES.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT? A MESS?
- OH, YES.
- SMALL GIRL?
- WHAT?
- YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- YOU COULD BE, LIKE, RIGHT.
- DAD? DAD,
AT LAST I'VE FOUND
HER, JESSICA TITCHBORN.
- WELL, IF SHE COSTS
ANYTHING, LOSE HER.
LOOK AT THIS,
BILLS, BILLS, BILLS.
THERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
- HUH? A BILL?
- WELL, IF IT IS, YOU'RE IN
WORSE TROUBLE THAN I AM.
- I DON'T GET IT.
- YOU DON'T GET WHAT?
- LISTEN. DEAR DOBIE
GILLIS, CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU HAVE WON FIRST PRIZE
IN "MOVIE SCREEN" MAGAZINE'S
NATIONAL WHY I'D LIKE A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU CONTEST.
MISS MARIBOU WILL ARRIVE
NEXT FRIDAY AFTERNOON
TO KEEP HER DATE WITH
YOU. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.
- MERILEE MARIBOU?
THE MERILEE MARIBOU?
THIS MERILEE MARIBOU?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
- I UNDERSTAND IT! I WON!
I WON! I WON! I WON THE
MERILEE MARIBOU CONTEST!
ME, WINIFRED GILLIS,
OVER EVERYBODY ELSE
IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES!
I WON, I WON, I WON!
- WINNIE, ARE YOU
GONNA SIMMER DOWN
OR DO I HAVE TO WRAP YOU
IN A WET SHEET?
- I WON!
- YOU WON A DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU, HUH?
- YES! THE CONTEST WAS WHY I'D
LIKE A DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
AND I ENTERED IT AND I WON IT!
- AND THE LETTER
SAYS THAT DOBIE WON IT.
- WELL, NATURALLY, I
ENTERED IT IN DOBIE'S NAME.
HOW WOULD IT LOOK FOR A WOMAN
TO ENTER A CONTEST, WHY I WANT
A DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- YOU MEAN I REALLY GOT A DATE
WITH BEAUTIFUL, GLAMOROUS,
LUSCIOUS MERILEE
MARIBOU, THE MOVIE STAR?
- YES, MY DARLING,
AND I'VE GOT A DATE RIGHT HERE
FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS
WITH MOM AND GLADYS!
- NOW JUST A MINUTE!
JUST A DARN MINUTE!
- NOW, HERBERT, YOU SAID
THAT IF I WON A CONTEST,
I COULD HAVE MOM
AND GLADYS VISIT ME!
- BUT YOU DID NOT WIN A
CONTEST. DOBIE WON A CONTEST!
- WELL, YES, BUT I
ENTERED THE CONTEST!
- BUT DOBIE WON THE CONTEST!
- HERBERT, THAT IS NOT
FAIR AND YOU KNOW IT!
- IT'S A LOT FAIRER THAN HAVING
YOUR MOTHER AND THAT GLADYS
AROUND HERE FOR SIX MONTHS.
- WELL, WE'LL LEAVE
IT UP TO DOBIE.
- A DATE WITH MERILEE
MARIBOU? SOFT, CREAMY,
PINK, ROUND MERILEE
MARIBOU, THE MOVIE STAR?
- WELL, DOBIE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- I SAY, LIKE, WOW!
- HERBERT, I WON THAT
CONTEST FAIR AND SQUARE
AND I CAN PROVE IT. THE
ENTRY'S IN MY HANDWRITING.
- ALL RIGHT. GO
AHEAD AND PROVE IT
AND THEN DO YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?
- YES. MOM AND GLADYS
COME HERE FOR SIX MONTHS.
- DOBIE IS DISQUALIFIED
AND DOES NOT GET HIS
DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- MOM, YOU WOULDN'T!
- YES, SHE WOULD, SON.
WHEN IT COMES TO A CONTEST,
WHAT DOES SHE CARE IF
SHE BREAKS YOUR HEART,
YOU WHO HAVE BEEN A TRUE,
LOYAL, LOVING, DEVOTED SON
EVER SINCE THE
DAY YOU WERE BORN?
- MOM?
- OH!
I THINK YOU'RE
TERRIBLE, BOTH OF YOU!
- HEY, DAD, DO YOU THINK
WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
- SON, YOU KNOW YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND YOUR MISERABLE AUNT GLADYS
YACKETY YAK TALKING ALL THE TIME
AND ALWAYS PICKING ON ME.
"POOR, POOR WINIFRED"
AND, "OH, HOW WE
TRIED TO WARN HER."
- I KNOW, DAD, BUT
JUST THE SAME...
- LET'S LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY, SON.
DO YOU WANNA PASS UP A
DATE WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL,
UPSTANDING FIGURE OF THE
FLOWER OF AMERICAN WOMANHOOD?
- HM.
- EXACTLY.
- THIS IS A ROTTEN THING
WE'RE DOING TO MOM.
- OH, THE LOWEST.
- THE MEANEST.
- THE CRUMMIEST.
- LET'S DO IT.
BUT JUST THIS ONCE!
- JUST THIS ONCE.
- AH, HERE I AM, MY DEAREST,
TO SING YOU SONGS OF LOVE,
OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS.
- YOU'RE LATE, DOBIE.
- I KNOW, MY LOVE.
SOMETHING CAME UP. YOU SEE,
THERE'S THIS MOVIE
STAR, MERILEE MARIBOU...
- MERILEE MARIBOU?
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I WAS JUST GONNA
MENTION HER TO YOU.
YOU KNOW, SOME LOCAL
BOY WON A CONTEST
ON WHY I WANT A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- YEAH, I'M THE LOCAL BOY.
- OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
YOU SEE, DOBIE, THERE WAS
THIS CONTEST IN A MOVIE MAGAZINE.
- YEAH.
- AND SOME LOCAL BOY WON IT.
- ME, ME, LOCAL ME.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
ISN'T THAT THE END?
SOME KID HERE IN TOWN
WROTE THIS LETTER
JUST SIMPLY FULL
OF PURPLE PASSIONATE PHRASES
ABOUT HOW HE WOULD
JUST CURL UP AND DIE
IF HE DIDN'T GET THIS DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- MERILEE MARIBOU, UH-HUH.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
WHAT KIND OF AN
IDIOT WOULD DO...
LOCAL YOU?
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- DOBIE GILLIS! YOU AWFUL,
HATEFUL, TERRIBLE BOY!
- BUT, JESSICA, IT'S ONLY
ONE DATE, ONE LOCAL DATE.
- ONE DATE, AND I SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE
GETTING LAUGHED AT BY
EVERYBODY IN THIS TOWN!
OH, NO! GOODBYE, YOU
TERRIBLE, HATEFUL,
ROTTEN, PUNY, LOCAL BOY!
- MAN, I THOUGHT
SHE'D NEVER LEAVE!
- ME TOO!
- JUST ONCE, I'D
LIKE TO BE ALONE!
- HEY, DOBE, DID YOU
REALLY WRITE A LETTER
AND WIN A DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU?
- OF COURSE NOT. HIS
MOTHER MUST HAVE DONE IT.
SHE'S ALWAYS ENTERING CONTESTS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, AND
I'M GONNA TELL JESSICA.
I'LL TELL THE WHOLE WORLD.
I'LL MAKE A CLEAN
BREAST OF THINGS.
- MAN, YOU'RE JOSHING!
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- MAYNARD,
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?
ONE LOUSY DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
OR A WHOLE LIFETIME OF
BLISS WITH JESSICA TITCHBORN?
- HM.
- WELL?
- ONE LOUSY DATE WITH MERILEE...
- NEVER MIND!
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR JESSICA ALL MY LIFE,
NO OFFENSE, ZELDA,
AND I'M NOT GONNA LOSE HER NOW
JUST FOR ONE MOMENT OF MADNESS.
- MADNESS? EGAD,
YOU CALL IT MADNESS?
- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
- I CALL IT
THE BEST THING THAT
EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
- BEST? WHAT KIND
OF A SWITCH IS THIS?
- POOR, FOOLISH DOBIE,
POOR WANDERING SOUL.
YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND
ME OF A LITTLE LOST PUPPY.
- I FOUND A LITTLE
LOST PUPPY ONCE.
- AND YOU PICKED HIM UP AND
TOOK HIM HOME, DIDN'T YOU?
- NO.
- HOW COME?
- I WAS LOST TOO.
- WELL, I'M NOT LOST.
I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING AND
I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
- WHERE?
- STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA KEEP
THIS DATE WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU,
AND I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO.
- LOOK, DOBIE, I LOVE YOU
WITH ALL MY GREAT
COMPASSIONATE HEART.
IT'LL CRUSH ME TO SEE
YOU WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
IT'LL PULVERIZE ME.
- BUT?
- BUT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH
TO STAND IN YOUR WAY.
- ZELDA, YOU'RE TRYING TO
PUT SOMETHING OVER ON ME.
I CAN TELL BY YOUR
BRIGHT LITTLE BEADY EYES.
- YOU GREAT FOOL.
DON'T YOU REALIZE
THAT MARILEE MARIBOU IS
YOUR TICKET TO STARDOM?
- ME?
- HIM?
- MAYNARD.
- YOU DON'T REALIZE IT, DOBIE,
BUT YOU'RE REALLY A
VERY ATTRACTIVE BOY
EVEN TO A GIRL LIKE
MERILEE MARIBOU.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
- SHE'S BOUND TO LIKE YOU.
SHE'D TAKE YOU TO HOLLYWOOD
AND YOU'D BECOME A BIG STAR.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
- JUST AS SOON AS HOLLYWOOD
HEARD THAT GLORIOUS
VOICE OF YOURS.
- OH, DON'T BE... YEAH?
- YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT? JUST LISTEN.
TO WHAT?
- TO YOURSELF.
- OH.
- SING, POOPSIE.
- ♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH ♪
- ZELDA. ZELDA!
MAYNARD!
ZELDA. ZELDA!
- HUH?
- ZELDA, YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
- SURE, MAKING YOU A STAR.
♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH ♪
- MAYNARD.
- ZELDA!
- HUH?
- ZELDA, YOU LOVE ME.
YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO GO TO HOLLYWOOD.
- THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
♪ AHH AHH AHH A AHH
SCOOBY DO, SCOOBY DO! ♪
- MAYNARD?
- YEAH?
- SCOOBY DON'T.
ZELDA, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
IF I KEEP THIS DATE, I
LOSE JESSICA FOREVER
AND THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?
- DOBIE, CONCENTRATE.
YOU KEEP THIS DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU.
SHE WILL BE ENCHANTED BY
YOUR CLEAN, PURE GOOD LOOKS,
AS WHO WOULD NOT? THEN
YOU WILL SING FOR HER.
SHE WILL FLIP HER ENTIRE
SKULL, AS WHO WOULD NOT?
SHE WILL TAKE YOU TO HOLLYWOOD
AND INTRODUCE YOU
TO BIG PRODUCERS.
YOU WILL BECOME A STAR OF
STAGE, SCREEN, TELEVISION, RADIO,
RECORDS AND
SUPERMARKET OPENINGS.
YOU WILL BE THE IDOL OF
MILLIONS, ESPECIALLY GIRLS.
YOU'LL BE THE
SENSATION OF THE NATION!
- HM.
♪ I CAN'T BE BRAVE AND BOLD ♪
♪ BUT GIVE ME A GIRLY
WITH A SMILE SO PEARLY ♪
♪ AND THE OLD MOON
IS SHINING BRIGHTER ♪
♪ I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT
THIS BOY CAN DO ♪
♪ I'M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER ♪
- DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- OF COURSE, POOPSIE,
AND TO THINK YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT JESSICA.
WHY, YOU'LL HAVE HUNDREDS
OF JESSICAS, THOUSANDS!
- ZELDA, MY DEAR?
- WHAT?
- PLAY.
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
- ♪ I TRIED TO WRITE A LETTER ♪
♪ TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN ♪
♪ WITH THESE
PROBLEMS HURTING ME ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE THE GUILTY PARTY ♪
♪ I WISH YOU'D TELL ME WHY ♪
♪ YOU WANT TO
SHOOT YOUR MISSILES ♪
♪ AT MY FRIEND UP IN THE
SKY - BUM BUM BUM BUM ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ OH, NO ♪
♪ HE'S GOTTA KEEP,
KEEP SHINING IN JUNE ♪
♪ SHOOT AT THE STARS ♪
♪ SEND YOUR ROCKETS TO MARS ♪
♪ BUT DON'T SHOOT
THE MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ WHAT WOULD A SUMMER NIGHT BE ♪
♪ WITHOUT HIM SMILING DOWN ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE
GONNA SHOOT AT HIM ♪
♪ HE SURE WON'T STAY AROUND ♪
♪ HE'LL LEAVE US
ALL IN DARKNESS ♪
♪ AND WON'T THAT BE A SHAME ♪
♪ YOU'LL HAVE TO
KISS BY SATELLITE ♪
♪ AND THAT WON'T BE THE
SAME - BUM BUM BUM BUM ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE MAN
IN THE MOON, OH, NO ♪
♪ HE'S GOTTA KEEP
KEEP SHINING IN JUNE ♪
♪ SHOOT AT THE STARS ♪
♪ SEND YOUR ROCKETS TO MARS ♪
♪ BUT DON'T SHOOT
THE MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
♪ DON'T SHOOT THE
MAN IN THE MOON ♪
[GUITAR MUSIC]
- DOBIE! DOBIE, DO YOU
HAVE TO KEEP DOING THAT?
ALL THIS RACKET IS DRIVING ME...
- OH, SURE, OPPORTUNITY
KNOCKS BUT ONCE.
- WELL, TELL IT NOT
TO KNOCK SO LOUD!
O-HO, WRITING TO YOUR
MOTHER AND SISTER, HUH?
- HERBERT, I WON THAT CONTEST
FAIR AND SQUARE AND YOU KNOW IT!
AND YOU PROMISED
AND I THINK YOU'RE BEING
JUST MEAN AND AWFUL!
- MOM, I FEEL ROTTEN ABOUT THIS.
HONEST, I DO, BUT
IF WORD GETS OUT
THAT I DIDN'T WIN THE CONTEST,
THEN I DON'T GET A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU
AND I'LL NEVER GET TO
BE A BIG STAR OF STAGE,
SCREEN, TELEVISION,
RADIO, RECORDS
AND SUPERMARKET OPENINGS.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT
YOU SEE HOW IT IS.
- WHY, DOBIE!
STAGE, SCREEN, RADIO
AND SUPERMARKETS!
WHAT ON EARTH IS
HE BABBLING ABOUT?
- YOU KNOW, WINNIE,
IT COULD BE THE KID'S MAKING
SENSE FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE.
AFTER ALL, HE COMES FROM PEOPLE
WHO ARE LOADED WITH TALENT.
- LIKE WHO?
- LIKE LITTLE HERBIE
GILLIS, THE TOPS IN TAPS.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
I BEEN THINKING...
- YOU ARE LOADED WITH TALENT?
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
I THINK AFTER WE GET
OUT THERE TO HOLLYWOOD,
IT MIGHT OPEN UP A
WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR US.
AFTER ALL, I'VE CONQUERED
THE GROCERY BUSINESS.
WHY SHOULDN'T I TAKE
ON A NEW CAREER?
GET THIS.
EDWARD G.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH YOURSELF, SEE?
I'M LIABLE TO RUB YOU OUT, SEE?
'CAUSE I'M LITTLE CAESAR, SEE?
JIMMY CAGNEY.
ALL RIGHT, LOU, YOU
RAT. DROP THE GUN.
LOUIE, YOU KILLED
MY BROTHER, YOU RAT.
LIONEL BARRYMORE.
YOUR HONOR, YOU CAN'T
SEND THIS BOY TO JAIL FOR THAT!
OH, SHE ALWAYS WAS
JEALOUS OF MY TALENT.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD, THINK OF IT.
IN JUST A FEW MINUTES,
I'LL BE MEETING AMERICA'S
DREAM PRINCESS,
GORGEOUS MERILEE MARIBOU.
- YEAH. A DATE WITH A CHICK LIKE
THAT IS WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE
A FELLA COULD GO
THROUGH IN HIS WHOLE LIFE,
EVEN LONGER.
- TRUE.
- HEY, DOBE, HOW COME
YOU'RE WEARING THAT TIE
AND THE SHIRT AND A
COAT AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU GOT YOUR HAIR
ALL STICKERED DOWN.
- FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU POLISHED
YOUR SNEAKERS.
- THEY'RE SHOES AND
THEY'RE FOR MERILEE.
- AND YOU DID ALL
THAT JUST FOR HER?
- SURE.
- MAN,
IF THAT'S ALL THE TROUBLE YOU
GOTTA GO THROUGH TO GET A CHICK,
I'M GONNA STICK WITH MARBLES.
- AW, JUST WAIT, MAYNARD.
SOMEDAY YOU TOO
WILL KNOW THE ECSTASY
THAT I WILL SOON
SHARE WITH MERILEE,
THE TWO OF US ALONE
TOGETHER, HAND IN HAND,
DRIFTING THROUGH THE
LONG, LAZY, QUIET HOURS.
- NO, YOU'LL GET YOUR
MOMENT! HERE WE GO!
EVERYBODY'LL SEE HER, NOW.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE KID?
WHERE'S THE KID? THE KID?
I WANT THE WINNER!
WHAT'S HIS NAME? GILLIS.
GILLIS?
- YEAH, DOPIE GILLIS.
THAT'S DOBIE WITH A B.
DOBIE WITH A B. YOU'RE THE KID?
FINE, FINE! ARE THE
PHOTOGRAPHERS SET? GOOD.
- THIS ISN'T MY DATE WITH
MERILEE MARIBOU, IS IT?
I MEAN, AFTER ALL
THESE PEOPLE GO,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME
TIME, JUST THE TWO OF US,
MERILEE MARIBOU AND ME,
ALONE TOGETHER, AREN'T WE, SIR?
- WHAT ARE YOU? SOME
KIND OF A NUT OR SOMETHING?
WE HAVE TO CATCH THE
4:30 PLANE TO CLEVELAND!
- THAT'S EIGHT MINUTES!
- YOU SET?
- SIR? SIR? SIR?
- DON'T BUG ME, SONNY.
I'M A BUSY MAN.
- BUT EIGHT MINUTES?
- OKAY, SON, JUST MAKE
EVERY MINUTE COUNT.
- WELL, YEAH.
- COME ON OVER HERE.
HERE, PUT THIS THING
ON AND GET UP THERE.
AS SOON AS THIS MERILEE MARIBOU
OR WHATEVER HER
NAME IS SHOWS UP,
GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE
GOT. DON'T FORGET, BOY.
HEY, I'M HERBERT T. GILLIS,
THE FATHER OF THE BOY.
- AND I'M HIS MOTHER.
- THOSE ARE THE BREAKS!
- INCIDENTALLY, WHEN YOU GET
THE BOY OUT TO HOLLYWOOD,
YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY
BECAUSE, NATURALLY, I'LL
GO ALONG WITH HIM, SEE?
AT THE MOMENT, I HAPPEN TO BE
A VERY SUCCESSFUL, INDEPENDENT
RETAIL MERCHANT AND BEFORE...
- GOOD, SWEETIE-BABY,
THAT'S GREAT.
- BUT BEFORE THAT, YOU
SEE, I WAS IN SHOW BUSINESS.
GET THIS. EDDIE G.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH IT, SEE?
OR I'LL RUB YOU OUT, SEE?
I'M LITTLE CAESAR, SEE?
AND JIMMY CAGNEY.
ALL RIGHT, LOUIE, YOU RAT.
- ALL RIGHT, NOW.
I LIKED THE FIRST ONE, SEE?
I SAID I LIKED THE FIRST ONE.
NOW SEE HERE, YOU GUYS,
I SAID I LIKED THE
FIRST ONE, SEE?
YEAH. WE'RE BOTH LOADED
WITH TALENT, CHARLIE.
NOW OUT OF THE WAY.
ATTENTION, EVERYONE.
HERE SHE IS,
HOLLYWOOD'S PANTHER GIRL,
AN ACTRESS IN THE
GREAT TRADITION
OF ETHEL BARRYMORE
AND SARAH BERNHARDT,
AMERICA'S GOODWILL
AMBASSADOR TO THE FREE WORLD,
THE ONE, THE ONLY,
THE SPECTACULAR MARILEE MARIBOU!
MISS MARIBOU, I WANT YOU
TO MEET THE LUCKY YOUNG MAN
WHO WROTE THAT TOUCHING LETTER
THAT WON HIM A
DATE WITH YOU TODAY!
[SCREAMS]
- MAYNARD!
OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHTS,
OH, MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN,
OH, PRINCESS OF MY INFINITY.
- OOH.
- OOH?
MISS MARIBOU?
- COME ON.
GET UP THERE AND
SING, BOY, SING.
- NOW, MERILEE, TELL THE FOLKS
HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO BE
IN THEIR LOVELY LITTLE TOWN.
- ♪ I TRIED TO WRITE A LETTER ♪
- OOH.
- AND HOW MUCH YOU ENJOYED
MAKING YOUR LAST PICTURE,
"THE BUGGED AND THE UNBUGGED."
- OOH, OOH!
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEXT PICTURE?
- ♪ YOU WANT TO SHOOT ♪
♪ YOUR MISSILES AT MY
FRIEND UP IN THE SKY ♪
- OH, IT'S CALLED "FLOOM."
I PLAY AN ATOMIC SCIENTIST.
- ♪ AT THE STARS ♪ OH, NO.
- OH, OH!
- OH, IT SOUNDS
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!
NOW I WANT YOU TO BLOW
A KISS TO WHAT'S HIS NAME?
GILLIS! GILLIS! GILLIS!
- DOBIE GILLIS!
- DOPIE GILLIS!
- NO, DOBIE WITH A B!
- DOBIE WITH A B,
BECAUSE THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
A HIGH POINT IN THIS KID'S LIFE!
- LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU!
- MISS MARIBOU?
- NOW SAY GOODBYE
TO THE NICE PEOPLE!
- BYE, NICE PEOPLE.
- MISS MARIBOU?
BUT I DIDN'T EVEN
GET EIGHT MINUTES!
THANKS A LUMP!
- DOBIE, I'M SORRY, HONEST!
- NO.
- JESSICA, PLEASE.
CAN'T WE TALK THIS OVER?
- NO.
- BUT I DIDN'T WRITE THAT
LETTER TO MERILEE MARIBOU.
MY MOTHER WROTE IT.
- THERE!
THE TRUTH IS OUT AT LAST!
- WINNIE?
- AND I'VE GOT WITNESSES.
I WON THAT CONTEST AND YOU'RE
GONNA DO WHAT YOU PROMISED!
- WINNIE?
- MOTHER AND GLADYS
FOR SIX MONTHS.
- NOW, WINNIE.
- LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOUR MOTHER WROTE A LETTER
ASKING FOR A DATE
WITH MERILEE MARIBOU?
- YEAH.
- AND THAT'S YOUR FATHER,
THE ONE WHO DID
ALL THOSE IMITATIONS?
- YEAH.
- AND THAT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
- WELL, YEAH.
- BYE, DOBIE.
- JESSICA!
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, DOBIE.
YOU STILL GOT ME.
- AND ME.
- AND ME.
- AND ME.
AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND AUNT GLADYS.
- OH, IN ALL THIS RAIN,
WHERE CAN MOM AND GLADYS BE?
THEIR TRAIN WAS DUE
IN HALF AN HOUR AGO.
- I TOLD DOBIE TO
DRIVE HOME SLOW.
- WORRIED ABOUT MOM AND GLADYS?
- STALLING TILL I HAVE
TO LOOK AT THEM.
- HERE THEY ARE.
OH, HERE THEY ARE!
MOM!
- WINIFRED!
I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET HERE.
- HOW LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
- WINIFRED, OH!
I'M SO GLAD TO GET HERE! I
THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET HERE.
- HI.
- HELLO, HERBERT.
- OH, HELLO, HERBERT.
POOR, POOR WINIFRED.
- HOW WE WARNED HER.
- WHAT'D I TELL YOU?
- POOR DAD.
MAYNARD, IT WAS AWFUL LAST
NIGHT THE WAY DAD GOT ROUGHED UP
BY GRANDMA AND AUNT GLADYS.
AND ALL ON ACCOUNT
OF THOSE CONTESTS.
WHY DO PEOPLE LET
CONTESTS RUN THEIR LIVES?
I MEAN, MOM AND DAD WERE...
MAYNARD, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
- "I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT
THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP"
IN 25 WORDS OR LESS
BY MAYNARD G. KREBS.
I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT
THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP
BECAUSE IT'S ONE OF
THE FRIENDLIEST SWAMPS
IN THE WHOLE STATE
OF MINNEAPOLIS.
- MAYNARD?
- THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP
IS ALSO FULL OF FRIENDLY
ALLIGATORS AND FRIENDLY SNAKES.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪