The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Day the Teachers Disappeared - full transcript
Parents pinch-hit for the teachers when a flu epidemic fells the faculty. Dobie livens up Mrs. Kenney's music class by singing "Don't Send a Rabbit" from Dwayne Hickman's 1960 Capitol LP "Dobie."
- AH, MAYNARD G. KREBS, IN
OUR STUDY OF LITERATURE,
WHO IS KNOWN AS THE
GREAT AMERICAN ROMANTIC?
- FRANK SINATRA.
- THOROUGHLY ORIGINAL ANSWER.
- LIKE, THANK YOU.
- TOO BAD IT'S THOROUGHLY WRONG.
- LIKE, YOU'RE WELCOME.
[BELL RINGS]
- CLASS DISMISSED!
- MR. POMFRITT, WE HEARD
THAT YOU'RE QUITTING YOUR JOB.
- YES, BOYS, I'M
AFRAID THAT'S RIGHT.
I SHALL MISS
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
I'VE ACTUALLY GROWN
TO LIKE TEACHING
OR AS, IN YOUR CASE,
MAYNARD, TRYING TO TEACH.
- LIKE, THANK YOU.
- LIKE, YOU'RE WELCOME.
- BUT IF YOU'RE SO
APE FOR TEACHING,
WHY ARE YOU KICKING IT?
- I'M MOTIVATED BY ONE
OF THE NOBLEST EMOTIONS
THAT BURNS IN THE HUMAN
HEART, THE DESIRE FOR MONEY.
- LIKE, NO!
- LIKE, YES, MAYNARD.
TEACHING MEANS A
GREAT DEAL TO ME,
BUT I HAVE NUMEROUS
CREDITORS, A WIFE, CHILDREN
AND A STOMACH TO SUPPORT.
- BUT WHAT IF THE NEW
TEACHER'S, LIKE, MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND MAKES US DO MEAN
AND ROTTEN THINGS?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE, HOMEWORK.
- I GIVE YOU HOMEWORK,
MAYNARD. YOU JUST DON'T DO IT.
- THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. WE
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
DON'T GO, MR. POMFRITT.
LIKE, PLEASE?
- MAYNARD. I THOUGHT
YOU TEACHERS
WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET
WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD TONIGHT
TO TALK ABOUT A PAY RAISE.
- WE ARE, BUT THE
PROSPECTS ARE DIM.
THE SCHOOL BOARD
HASN'T VOTED A PAY RAISE
SINCE THE SAN JUAN HILL
VICTORY BONUS OF 1898.
WELL, BOYS, IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME NOW,
I'M EXPECTING MY PROSPECTIVE
NEW EMPLOYER ANY MINUTE.
- HEY, I BET YOUR NEW
JOB'S A GASSER, HUH,
LIKE A DISC JOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
- A DISC JOCKEY!
- MAYNARD, MR. POMFRITT'S
DESTINED FOR IMPORTANT THINGS.
WHAT'S IT TO BE, SIR
GOVERNMENT SERVICE,
THE STATE DEPARTMENT,
THE STOCK EXCHANGE?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
- MR. POMFRITT.
I BROUGHT YOUR OUTFIT.
COME ON. TRY IT ON. HERE.
MR. POMFRITT, I'M
COUNTING ON YOU
TO TURN INTO A TOP NOTCH
MONEYMAKER IN NO TIME.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- I NEVER THOUGHT
THE DAY WOULD COME
WHEN I'D BE SORRY TO
SEE A TEACHER LEAVE,
BUT MR. POMFRITT'S DIFFERENT.
I MEAN, HE'S STRAIGHT-SHOOTING
AND SYMPATHETIC AND INSPIRING,
AND HE GIVES EASY TESTS,
SO I DECIDED TO TALK
TO MY FATHER
ABOUT THE SITUATION.
HE PROMISED ME HE'D
ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY OPINION
ON ANY SUBJECT.
- I ABSOLUTELY
REFUSE TO DISCUSS IT.
- DAD, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE MORE OPEN-MINDED.
- I AM PROBABLY THE MOST
OPEN-MINDED MAN IN TOWN.
HOW DO YOU THINK I WIND UP
WITH ALL THESE HEAD COLDS?
YOU PROBABLY REMEMBER THE FAMOUS
WORDS OF VOLTAIRE WHEN HE SAID,
"I MAY NOT AGREE
WITH WHAT YOU SAY,
"BUT I SHALL DEFEND TO THE DEATH
YOUR RIGHT TO SAY IT."
- SURE, DAD.
- WELL, THAT WAS
VOLTAIRE TALKING.
NOW THIS IS HERBERT
T. GILLIS TALKING.
CLAM UP AND CLEAN
YOUR NOSE CLEAN.
NOBODY LIKES A SMART ALECK.
- HEY, DOBE, GUESS WHAT.
- WHAT?
- I CAN'T TELL YOU.
- MAYNARD, WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
- PROMISE YOU WON'T
HIT ME FOR TELLING YOU?
- MAYNARD, TELL ME ALREADY.
- GUESS WHO WE'RE GOING
TO GET FOR A NEW TEACHER
IF MR. POMFRITT QUITS?
- WHO?
- MR. FOGARTY FROM WOODSHOP.
LIKE, RIGHT. THE ONLY TEACHER
WHO EVER GOT AN HONORARY
DEGREE FROM DEVIL'S ISLAND.
DOBE, WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
- YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN TRYING,
BUT MY FATHER TOLD ME BUTT OUT.
- HELLO, DEAR. HELLO, MAYNARD.
- MOM, MOM,
DAD REFUSES TO TALK TO ME.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU, DEAR.
- YEAH, BUT THIS TIME,
I WANT HIM TO TALK TO ME
ABOUT THE TEACHERS' PAY RAISE.
- OH, DID HE GIVE YOU
ANY ENCOURAGEMENT?
- YEAH, HE ENCOURAGED
TO CLAM UP.
MOM, MAKE HIM LISTEN TO ME.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH
ABOUT THE ISSUES INVOLVED,
BUT HE CERTAINLY OUGHT TO
HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
HERBERT, I WANT YOU
TO DROP EVERYTHING
AND LISTEN TO YOUR SON.
- IT'LL BE A
PLEASURE. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL STAND HERE, AND
YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD
AND TELL ME WHAT'S BUGGING YOU.
- THANKS, DAD. YOU'RE
A REAL HUMAN BEING
NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS.
NOW, DAD, THE FINE,
NOBLE, SELF-SACRIFICING...
HOW COULD I BREAK
THROUGH TO HERBERT T. GILLIS
FATHER, CITIZEN, PRACTICAL
BUDGET WATCHER?
I HAD TO SHOW HIM THAT
WITHOUT GOOD TEACHERS,
WE'D ALL TURN INTO
UNCULTURED, DULL-WITTED,
SIMPLE-MINDED CLODS.
- YOU RANG?
- WHEN THE MEMBERS
OF THE SCHOOL BOARD
GET HERE FOR THEIR MEETING,
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
THEY DON'T MISS THIS.
- YEAH, IT'S, LIKE,
BEAUTIFUL, DOBE.
- YEAH, IT SORT OF
MAKES YOU THINK.
- SORT OF MAKES YOU HUNGRY.
- VERY FUNNY.
[LAUGHS] VERY FUNNY.
- WORTHWHILE THOUGHT, HUH, DAD?
- VERY WORTHWHILE.
- DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, WINNIE.
YOUR SON IS ALREADY SOME
KIND OF A RABBLE-ROUSING NUT.
IMPORTANT MATTERS LIKE
THESE REQUIRE A LEVEL HEAD,
AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE
THE LEVELEST HEAD
YOU'RE EVER GOING TO...
- THESE TEACHERS
HAVE GOT TO GET A RAISE.
- WHY, DOBE?
- WELL, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD,
BUT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TEACH A CLASS WITH YOU IN IT?
- DOBE, THOSE TEACHERS
HAVE GOT TO GET A RAISE.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- HUSH! I'LL HAVE SILENCE!
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S BETTER.
TABLE RECOGNIZES MR. GILLIS.
- THANK YOU, MRS. OSBORNE.
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO MAKE
A FEW UNBIASED REMARKS
BEFORE THE TEACHERS GET HERE.
NOW, I UNDERSTAND THEY
ARE ASKING FOR A $15 RAISE.
ALL I WANT TO SAY,
IN ALL FAIRNESS,
IS MY PUMPERNICKEL
SHOULD HAVE SUCH CRUST.
- IF WE GIVE THEM THIS RAISE,
OUR TREASURY IS GOING TO WIND
UP 20 POINTS LOWER THAN NOTHING.
- SORRY I'M LATE, FOLKS.
MAY I SAY A FEW WORDS?
- VERY FEW. HOLD IT!
GO AHEAD.
- HERBERT, WHAT...
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE SCHOOL BOARD,
UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO POSTPONE THIS MEETING
BECAUSE THE OTHER TEACHERS
WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
ALMOST THE ENTIRE FACULTY
IS DOWN WITH INFLUENZA.
WELL, THERE IS AN
EPIDEMIC IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.
- OH, THE NEWSPAPERS
SAY IT'S VERY MILD.
- YEAH, NOBODY'S GETTING IT
EXCEPT THOSE THAT ARE
OVERWORKED OR UNDERNOURISHED.
- I REST MY CASE.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
- ANYWAY, IN VIEW
OF THE EMERGENCY,
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CLOSE
DOWN SCHOOL FOR A FEW DAYS,
SO PLEASE TELL YOUR CHILDREN
TO STAY HOME TOMORROW
AND UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
- MY SON, CHATSWORTH, AT HOME?
- EVERYBODY.
- OH! THAT IS OUT
OF THE QUESTION.
EVERY TIME
CHATSWORTH STAYS HOME,
ALL THE SERVANTS LEAVE.
- YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET
AWAY WITH THIS, POMFRITT!
WHY, IF DOBIE'S HANGING
AROUND THAT STORE ALL DAY,
THAT MEANS MAYNARD'S
GOING TO BE THERE, TOO.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT
THIS WILL DO TO BUSINESS,
NOT TO MENTION MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM?
- BUT, MR. GILLIS, I'M
THE ONLY TEACHER LEFT.
I CAN'T RUN THE
SCHOOL SINGLE-HANDED.
- WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
THAT CAN BE DONE
IN THIS SITUATION.
- HUSH UP, ALL OF YOU!
- I MOVE WE SHUT
DOWN THE SCHOOL.
- ME, TOO.
- IT HAS BEEN MOVED AND SECONDED
THAT WE SHUT DOWN THE SCHOOL.
- OKAY. THE MOTION PASSES.
NOW, I MOVE WE ADJOURN.
COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- JUST A MINUTE! JUST A
DARN MINUTE! WE ARE NOT
SHUTTING DOWN THE SCHOOL.
THOSE CHILDREN WILL
NOT BE DENIED THEIR RIGHT
TO AN EDUCATION.
- WINNIE, IT'LL COST
A COCKEYED FORTUNE
TO KEEP THIS SCHOOL OPEN.
- WHO CARES?
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT,
THE MINDS OF OUR YOUNGSTERS
HUNGRY FOR LEARNING OR
A FEW MISERABLE DOLLARS?
DON'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
REMEMBER THIS, THE GREATEST
ASSET THAT OUR COUNTRY HAS
IS THE MINDS OF ITS CHILDREN.
- OOH, THE COUNTRY'S BANKRUPT.
- MRS. GILLIS IS
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THOSE LITTLE MINDS,
NASTY AS THEY ARE
SOMETIMES, NEED NOURISHMENT.
- UNTIL OUR REGULAR
TEACHERS RECOVER,
WE PARENTS CAN
TEACH THE CLASSES.
- NOW, HOLD ON! WAIT!
- OUT OF ORDER!
- NOW, HOLD ON!
- YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER,
MR. GILLIS.
- NOW, LISTEN!
- MR. GILLIS, YOU
ARE OUT OF ORDER.
- MRS. OSBORNE, I
DON'T KNOW IF IT'S LEGAL.
- I HAVE JUST MADE IT LEGAL.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, POMFRITT?
YOU SCARED WE'LL FIND
OUT WHAT A SOFT TOUCH
YOU TEACHERS GOT AROUND HERE?
I MOVE AND SECOND AND
ALL THE OTHER GIZMOS
THAT THE PARENTS
TAKE OVER THE CLASSES.
WE'LL FIND OUT THE
TRUTH. YOU WANT A RAISE?
YOU FEATHERBEDDERS WILL
PROBABLY WIND UP WITH A CUT.
- IT'LL BE EXCITING!
- IT'LL BE FUN!
- IT'LL BE MURDER.
- OUR PARENTS ARE GOING
TO TEACH THE CLASSES?
RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, PARENTS ARE
SUPPOSED TO BUG YOU AT HOME,
AND TEACHERS ARE SUPPOSED
TO BUG YOU AT SCHOOL,
BUT NOBODY WAS
PLAYING BY THE RULES.
- NATURALLY, I WILL
TEACH HOME ECONOMICS
AND THE ART OF ENTERTAINING.
WE OSBORNES HAVE BEEN
INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS
FOR ENTERTAINING EVER
SINCE THE MAYFLOWER LANDED.
WE WERE ON THE BEACH
WAITING FOR THEM, YOU KNOW.
- I'VE DECIDED TO TEACH MUSIC
SO THAT THIS GREAT
MUSICAL TALENT WITHIN ME
WILL NOT BE KEPT FROM THE WORLD.
♪ DOWN AMONG THE
SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME
OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
- GIRLS' PHYSICAL EDUCATION?
ALL THAT BENDING AND STRETCHING
AND TWISTING AND
TURNING? OH, DEAR.
- I THINK THAT ACCOUNTS FOR
EVERYONE EXCEPT MR. GILLIS.
- HE HAD TO STOP
OFF FOR SOMETHING.
HE'LL BE HERE IN A
MINUTE. NOW WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL US ALL WHERE TO GO?
- HE WOULDN'T DARE!
- MRS. OSBORNE,
DOBIE WILL TAKE YOU
TO YOUR HOME ECONOMICS
CLASS IN ROOM 208,
AND MAYNARD, WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE MRS. KENNY
TO HER MUSIC CLASS IN ROOM 324?
- ALL THOSE LUCKY YOUNGSTERS.
- MRS. GILLIS, OUR GIRLS'
PHYSICAL EDUCATION CLASS
IS EXPERIMENTING WITH THIS
PROGRAM OF SWEDISH EXERCISES.
- OH, MUST WE?
I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE ENOUGH
TROUBLE WITH THEM IN ENGLISH.
- HEY, POMFRITT! GET THE WHOLE
TEAM OUT HERE ON THE DOUBLE!
I CALLED A PRACTICE
FOR THE OUTFIELD.
I WANT TO SEE THE WHOLE
TEAM IN THERE PITCHING
EXCEPT THE PITCHERS.
THEM I WANT TO SIT OUT.
AND THERE'S TOO MANY
WEAK-HITTING PITCHERS NOWADAYS.
YOU GOT TO GET THAT
OLD PEPPER IN THERE, BOY.
- MR. GILLIS, THERE MUST BE SOME
MISUNDERSTANDING, THESE CLOTHES.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THESE CLOTHES?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SOME
MIS... YOU PUT ME DOWN
FOR BASEBALL COACH, DIDN'T YOU?
- WELL, I'M AFRAID
NOT, MR. GILLIS.
I HAD YOU PENCILED IN
FOR ENGLISH LITERATURE.
- WELL, YOU CAN JUST
UNPENCIL ME OUT, BUSTER.
IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SIT
IN SOME STUFFY CLASSROOM
AND LISTEN TO A
LOT OF KIDS YAMMER...
- HERBERT!
- WELL, IT AIN'T FAIR, WINNIE!
GOSH, AND I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT
A NEW GLOVE AND EVERYTHING.
- DON'T WORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
DEEP DOWN, HERBERT REALLY
LOVES ENGLISH LITERATURE.
DON'T YOU, HERBERT?
- I LIKE "CASEY AT THE BAT."
- GOOD. BUT I HOPE
YOU LIKE POETRY, TOO.
RIGHT NOW, WE'RE STUDYING
THE GREAT AMERICAN ROMANTIC.
- FRANK SINATRA?
- TWICE IN ONE DAY?
NO, MR. GILLIS.
I'M REFERRING TO HENRY
WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW,
DEAN OF THE ROMANTIC POETS.
HE WROTE "THE MIDNIGHT
RIDE OF PAUL REVERE,"
AND YOU MUST KNOW "THE
WRECK OF THE HESPERUS."
- KNOW HER? I MARRIED HER.
JUST A LITTLE PLEASANTRY, DEAR.
- I'LL THANK YOU TO KEEP YOUR
PLEASANTRIES TO YOURSELF.
I HAVE A PHYSICAL EDUCATION
CLASS TO ORGANIZE IN SWEDISH.
- MR. GILLIS, I HOPE THAT YOU'RE
ABLE TO MAINTAIN DISCIPLINE
WITH YOUR CLASS.
- DISCIPLINE?
YOU ARE TALKING
TO HERBERT T. GILLIS,
FORMERLY FIRST
SERGEANT HERBERT T. GILLIS
IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL.
LEAD ME TO THEM YARD BIRDS.
- VERY WELL,
MR. GILLIS. FALL IN.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
- FALL IN! I MEAN,
SIT DOWN! QUIET!
MY NAME IS GILLIS, MR. GILLIS.
AND WHAT I SAY AROUND
HERE GOES, SEE? OKAY.
I WON'T BE NEEDING
YOU ANYMORE, SON.
- MR. GILLIS.
- DISMISSED!
- ROGER.
- NOW, LISTEN,
MEN, OH, AND LADIES,
I'M THE BOSS AROUND
HERE, SEE, BOSS GILLIS,
AND TO BEGIN WITH, THERE'S
GOING TO BE NO MORE
OF THIS BUDDY-BUDDY
FOOLISHNESS GOING ON.
TODAY, YOU ARE
GOING TO GET A DOSE
OF GOOD OLD-FASHIONED MEAT
AND POTATO TYPE EDUCATION.
AND WHAT SORT OF A
DOG KENNEL IS THIS?
- MR. GILLIS, THAT IS
THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS.
- DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF
YOUR SMART APPLE ANSWERS,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FROM WAY BACK.
- I AM MERELY STATING A FACT.
THAT IS THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS.
- NOKOMIS, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM?
CAN'T HE SIT AT A DESK
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
- I'M AFRAID YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NOKOMIS IS HIAWATHA'S
GRANDMOTHER.
- I DON'T CARE IF SHE
IS GEORGE WASHINGTON'S
MAIDEN AUNT.
SHE'S GOING TO SIT AT A
DESK LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
GET OUT OF THERE!
- MR. GILLIS, REALLY!
THERE'S NOBODY IN THERE.
NOKOMIS IS A CHARACTER.
- IT ALSO HAPPENS
TO BE A SMALL TOWN
IN THE STATE OF ILLINOIS,
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT
KIND OF A CHARACTER SHE IS.
NOBODY AROUND HERE
IS GOING TO... WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, CHARACTER?
- IN THE POEM "HIAWATHA."
- OOH, OH.
THAT NOKOMIS.
- ♪ DOWN AMONG THE
SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME
OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
♪ MEET ME DOWN BY
THE OLD GOLDEN GATE ♪
♪ DOWN WHERE THE SUN
GOES DOWN ABOUT EIGHT ♪
♪ HOW MY LOVE IS BURNING,
BURNING, BURNING ♪
♪ HOW MY HEART IS YEARNING,
YEARNING, YEARNING ♪
♪ TO BE DOWN AMONG
THE SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
OH, YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN!
I THOUGHT YOU
LIKED SNAPPY MUSIC.
- NO OFFENSE, MRS.
KENNY, BUT THAT MUSIC
HASN'T BEEN SNAPPY SINCE
THE SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR.
- WELL, IF THAT'S YOUR ATTITUDE,
IT'S BACK TO THE "ANVIL CHORUS."
- OH!
- MRS. KENNY,
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE HIP?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE YOU SHOW HER, HUH, DOBE?
- OKAY, MAYNARD, BUT
YOU BETTER STAND GUARD
IN CASE MR. POMFRITT COMES BY.
- GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH.
- ALL CLEAR, DOBE.
- ♪ DON'T SEND A RABBIT ♪
♪ TO THE STORE TO
BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON THE SHELF ♪
- ♪ OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL
HIMSELF OH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I HAD A GAL ♪
♪ AND I HAD A PAL AS
TRUE AS HE COULD BE ♪
- ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ WELL, I SENT MY
PAL TO FETCH MY GAL ♪
♪ AND HE STOLE
HER LOVE FROM ME ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A MONKEY ♪
♪ TO THE STORE TO
BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ FOR YOUR APPETITE - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A MONKEY TO THE
STORE TO BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ YOU WON'T EAT TONIGHT ♪
- COOL IT! THE LAW!
- READY, CLASS?
THE "ANVIL CHORUS" WITH ANVIL.
A ONE, A TWO, A
BACK TO THE RABBIT.
- ♪ DON'T SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ LIKE THE FELLA
TELLS - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ YOU'LL GET PEANUT SHELLS ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, MY BUDDY
ASKED TO BORROW MY CAR ♪
♪ SO WHAT WAS I
TO DO - YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I LET MY
BUDDY TAKE MY CAR ♪
♪ AND HE TOOK MY BABY OUT, TOO ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON
THE SHELF - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL HIMSELF ♪
AND DON'T SEND NO DOGGIE
FOR BONES, NEITHER.
- LIKE, TRUE.
- THREE, FOUR, ONE,
TWO, THREE, FOUR.
OH, THIS IS DREARY. I
HAVE A MUCH BETTER IDEA,
SOMETHING THAT WE
USED TO DO IN SCHOOL,
RHYTHMIC EXPRESSION.
WE'LL ACT OUT ALL KINDS
OF CUTE LITTLE STORIES.
NOW, YOU JUST DO AS I SAY.
ALL THE GRACEFUL SWANS,
GRACEFUL SWANS,
ARCH, SLEEPY, SLEEPY,
THAT'S RIGHT, LOVELY,
LOVELY, SPLENDID.
NOW, ISN'T THIS MUCH MORE FUN
THAN THOSE SILLY
SWEDISH EXERCISES?
BUT HARK, BOLD CHANTICLEER
HERALDS THE DAWN!
EVERYBODY MAKE LIKE CHANTICLEER.
[CROWS LIKE A ROOSTER]
- OH, SLEEPY SWANS AWAKEN.
AND PADDLE DOWN THE STREAM.
I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE,
OH, NO, DEAR,
PADDLING NOT WADDLING.
OH, OH, THERE! ISN'T
THAT MORE SWAN-Y?
BUT HERE COMES
THE WICKED HUNTER.
EVERYBODY, COVER YOUR
HEADS WITH YOUR WINGS
AND SWIM FOR THE LILY PADS.
- MRS. GILLIS.
- OH, GOOD MORNING,
MR. POMFRITT.
- GOOD MORNING.
- WELCOME TO SWAN LAKE.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
SWEDISH EXERCISES, MRS. GILLIS?
- OH.
- AND...
- AND ONE, TWO,
THREE, FOUR, ONE, TWO
- MR. POMFRITT, MR. POMFRITT,
SIR, YOU GOTTA COME QUICK.
MR. POMFRITT?
- THREE, FOUR.
- YOU GOTTA COME QUICK
AND SAVE MR. GILLIS' LIFE.
- WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
- I DIDN'T LOOK INSIDE
THE CLASSROOM,
BUT FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GENERAL CUSTER
WITH A BUNCH OF
BAD-TEMPERED INDIANS.
- MURDER AND MAYHEM
ARE PROHIBITED
ON SCHOOL PROPERTY.
- THREE, FOUR.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- NOW, CUT IT OUT!
[GLASS BREAKS]
- OH, QUICK, MAYNARD.
WE'VE GOTTA GET UP THERE!
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- QUIET! FELLAS!
HE'S OUT!
AS FOR YOU, CHATSWORTH,
ONE MORE BROKEN WINDOW,
AND YOU ARE OUT OF THE GAME.
GAME CALLED ON ACCOUNT
OF TROUBLE. HI, POMFRITT.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
IS GOING ON HERE?
- WELL, YOU SEE, THE KIDS
WANTED TO PLAY BASEBALL.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO LONGFELLOW?
- HE'S FIRST BASE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO
BE A WET BLANKET.
- ALL RIGHT, KIDS. PUT
THOSE DESKS BACK IN PLACE.
MR. GILLIS, "HIAWATHA."
- "HIAWATHA,"
BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
"BY THE SHORES OF GITCHE GUMEE
BY THE SHINING BIG-SEA-WATER
"STOOD THE WIGWAM OF
NOKOMIS, DAUGHTER OF THE..." OH.
- OH, HOW FASCINATING.
I WONDER WHAT IT IS.
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE,
I BELIEVE IT'S A STOVE.
- OOH, NASTY.
WELL, I SUPPOSE IT HAS
SOME HISTORICAL INTEREST.
OOH! FIRE! FIRE! YOU
GIRLS, BE CAREFUL!
BE CALM. I'M IN
CHARGE HERE. FIRE!
OH, WHAT A NASTY MECHANISM.
WELL, GIRLS, ARE YOU
READY FOR TODAY'S LESSON?
NOW, IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS,
MANY OF YOU WILL PROBABLY
BECOME HOUSEWIVES.
- YEAH.
- LOOKING AT YOU
NOW, IT SEEMS UNLIKELY,
BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE.
NOW, THE FIRST PROBLEM
THAT YOU WILL FACE
WILL NATURALLY BE THE PROPER
HIRING AND FIRING OF SERVANTS.
- OH, NATURALLY.
- OF COURSE,
THE SERVANT PROBLEM IS
BEST HANDLED BY YOUR BUTLER.
- MRS. OSBORNE, WHAT IF
YOU DON'T HAVE A BUTLER?
- YOU'RE JESTING, OF COURSE.
EVERYONE HAS A BUTLER.
WHO ELSE WOULD TAKE
CHARGE OF THE MAIDS,
THE CHEFS AND THE PANTRYMEN?
- I NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
- WELL, THINK, GIRL, THINK.
NOW WE COME TO THE PROBLEM
OF DISMISSING A SERVANT.
ZELDA, HOW WOULD YOU DISCHARGE
AN UNSATISFACTORY CHAUFFEUR?
- HOW ABOUT HAVING HIM BEHEADED?
- REALLY?
OH, NO, NO, NOWADAYS,
THAT MUST BE
ILLEGAL OR SOMETHING.
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE, DO YOU
HAVE ANY SPECIAL RULES
FOR RUNNING A HOUSEHOLD?
- THERE IS ONLY ONE
RULE: TAKE OVER.
RUN THAT HOUSE
WITH AN IRON HAND.
DON'T LET THOSE NASTY
MEN OPEN THEIR MOUTHS.
- YAY!
- THE MOMENT YOU'RE MARRIED,
LET HIM KNOW WHO IS BOSS.
YOU PUNISH
INSUBORDINATION AT ONCE.
- THAT SOUNDS CRUEL.
- YES, IT IS.
- MRS. OSBORNE, I'M IN CHARGE...
- OUT!
- MRS. OSBORNE...
- OUT!
I AM IN CHARGE OF THIS CLASS.
BEHEADING IS NOT ONLY
FOR SERVANTS. OUT!
- MRS. OSBORNE...
- NURSE!
- BYE.
- ANY OTHER QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE CARE AND
HANDLING OF MEN?
- YAY!
- NOW, THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER
LITTLE ITEMS WE SHOULD PICK UP.
FOR EXAMPLE, NO YOUNG BRIDE
SHOULD DARE START
HER MARRIED LIFE
WITHOUT A COMPLETE
SILVER SERVICE FOR 48.
- CHEER UP, MR. POMFRITT.
EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT FINE.
YOU'LL SEE.
- SURE, MR. POMFRITT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT OUT THERE
IN THAT ICE CREAM SHOP,
VERY HEALTHY.
- MAYNARD.
- THEY CANNOT SAY THAT I
DESERTED A SINKING SHIP.
- MR. POMFRITT,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- TO MAKE SURE THAT
CENTRAL HIGH'S LAST HOURS
ARE FILLED WITH GLORY. I'M
GOING TO SEE THOSE CLASSES
ARE RUN PROPERLY
TILL THE BITTER END.
- MRS. OSBORNE'S CLASS, TOO?
- WELL, NO, THE END DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE THAT BITTER.
- ♪ HOW MY LOVE ♪
♪ IS BURNING, BURNING, BURNING ♪
♪ HOW MY HEART ♪
♪ IS YEARNING,
YEARNING, YEARNING ♪
♪ TO BE DOWN AMONG
THE SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT... ♪
BACK TO THE "ANVIL CHORUS."
- ALL THE LITTLE RAINDROPS
ARE PATTERING, PITTERING,
AND PATTERING, PITTERING AND...
- AND?
- AND...
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- CLOSE BY THE STURDY
BATSMAN, THE BALL UNHEEDED SPED
- "'TAIN'T MY
STYLE," SAID CASEY.
"STRIKE ONE," THE UMPIRE SAID.
AND THEN FROM THE BLEACHERS,
BLACK WITH PEOPLE,
THERE AROSE...
- HIAWATHA?
- "BY THE SHORES OF GITCHE GUMEE
"BY THE SHINING BIG-SEA-WATER
"STOOD THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS,
DAUGHTER OF THE MOON."
OH, YOU OLD NOKOMIS.
THEN FROM THE BLEACHERS,
BLACK WITH PEOPLE,
THERE AROSE A MIGHTY ROAR
LIKE THE BEATING
OF THE STORM WAVES
ON SOME STERN AND DISTANT SHORE
- "KILL HIM! KILL THE UMPIRE!"
- YEAH, THAT WAS THE DAY
THE TEACHERS DISAPPEARED.
PRETTY SCARY, HUH?
WELL, THE NIGHT THEY CAME BACK
WASN'T EXACTLY
THE CALMEST, EITHER.
- ORDER, ORDER!
OR DO I HAVE TO BREAK ANOTHER
GAVEL ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD?
NOW, IN VIEW OF OUR RECENT
EXPERIENCE AT THE HIGH SCHOOL,
THE BOARD INSISTED
THAT WE HAVE THIS MEETING
WITH TEACHERS AS SOON AS YOU
ARE ABLE TO BE BACK ON YOUR FEET.
- YEAH, WELL, MOST OF THE
TEACHERS HAVE RECOVERED,
AND THEY'RE HERE
TONIGHT, MRS. OSBORNE.
- OKAY. LET'S CAN THE CHATTER
AND GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
POMFRITT, JUST WHAT
SORT OF A RIDICULOUS RAISE
DID YOU TEACHERS
INTEND TO ASK FOR?
- WELL, WE'D HOPED
FOR $15 A MONTH,
BUT WE'RE WILLING TO
SETTLE FOR SEVEN AND A HALF
AND HOT LUNCHES.
- HOT LUNCHES.
MISTER, YOU ARE FOOLING
WITH MR. HERBERT T. GILLIS,
AND I DO NOT FOOL QUICK.
$15 A MONTH, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
$15. HA!
- HA!
- HA!
- HA!
- I SAY 20.
- I'LL SAY 25.
- I'LL SAY 35.
- 35?
- OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE
AN OLD STICK IN THE MUD,
BUT WHERE ARE WE
GOING TO GET THE MONEY?
- SIMPLE, WE'LL JUST
FLOAT A BOND ISSUE
AND JUST SHOW ME ONE GUY
IN THIS TOWN WHO'S SO STINGY,
HE'LL VOTE AGAINST IT.
- BRAVO!
- HOORAY! BRAVO!
HERE, HERE!
- THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION,
AND AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
I INSIST THE TEACHERS
GET $40 RAISE AND LIKE IT.
MEETING ADJOURNED, AND I
HAVE NO PATIENCE WITH BACKTALK.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- ♪ OH, YEAH,
YEAH, I HAD A GAL ♪
♪ AND I HAD A PAL ♪
♪ AS TRUE AS HE COULD BE ♪
♪ WELL, I SENT MY
PAL TO FETCH MY GAL ♪
♪ AND HE STOLE
HER LOVE FROM ME ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
MONKEY TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ FOR YOUR APPETITE - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
MONKEY TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME BANANAS
YOU WON'T EAT TONIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ LIKE THE FELLA
TELLS - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ YOU'LL GET PEANUT
SHELLS OH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ MY BUDDY ASKED
TO BORROW MY CAR ♪
♪ SO WHAT WAS I
TO DO - YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I LET MY
BUDDY TAKE MY CAR ♪
♪ AND HE TOOK MY BABY OUT, TOO ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON
THE SHELF - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL HIMSELF ♪
ZELDA!
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
OUR STUDY OF LITERATURE,
WHO IS KNOWN AS THE
GREAT AMERICAN ROMANTIC?
- FRANK SINATRA.
- THOROUGHLY ORIGINAL ANSWER.
- LIKE, THANK YOU.
- TOO BAD IT'S THOROUGHLY WRONG.
- LIKE, YOU'RE WELCOME.
[BELL RINGS]
- CLASS DISMISSED!
- MR. POMFRITT, WE HEARD
THAT YOU'RE QUITTING YOUR JOB.
- YES, BOYS, I'M
AFRAID THAT'S RIGHT.
I SHALL MISS
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
I'VE ACTUALLY GROWN
TO LIKE TEACHING
OR AS, IN YOUR CASE,
MAYNARD, TRYING TO TEACH.
- LIKE, THANK YOU.
- LIKE, YOU'RE WELCOME.
- BUT IF YOU'RE SO
APE FOR TEACHING,
WHY ARE YOU KICKING IT?
- I'M MOTIVATED BY ONE
OF THE NOBLEST EMOTIONS
THAT BURNS IN THE HUMAN
HEART, THE DESIRE FOR MONEY.
- LIKE, NO!
- LIKE, YES, MAYNARD.
TEACHING MEANS A
GREAT DEAL TO ME,
BUT I HAVE NUMEROUS
CREDITORS, A WIFE, CHILDREN
AND A STOMACH TO SUPPORT.
- BUT WHAT IF THE NEW
TEACHER'S, LIKE, MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND MAKES US DO MEAN
AND ROTTEN THINGS?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE, HOMEWORK.
- I GIVE YOU HOMEWORK,
MAYNARD. YOU JUST DON'T DO IT.
- THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. WE
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
DON'T GO, MR. POMFRITT.
LIKE, PLEASE?
- MAYNARD. I THOUGHT
YOU TEACHERS
WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET
WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD TONIGHT
TO TALK ABOUT A PAY RAISE.
- WE ARE, BUT THE
PROSPECTS ARE DIM.
THE SCHOOL BOARD
HASN'T VOTED A PAY RAISE
SINCE THE SAN JUAN HILL
VICTORY BONUS OF 1898.
WELL, BOYS, IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME NOW,
I'M EXPECTING MY PROSPECTIVE
NEW EMPLOYER ANY MINUTE.
- HEY, I BET YOUR NEW
JOB'S A GASSER, HUH,
LIKE A DISC JOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
- A DISC JOCKEY!
- MAYNARD, MR. POMFRITT'S
DESTINED FOR IMPORTANT THINGS.
WHAT'S IT TO BE, SIR
GOVERNMENT SERVICE,
THE STATE DEPARTMENT,
THE STOCK EXCHANGE?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
- MR. POMFRITT.
I BROUGHT YOUR OUTFIT.
COME ON. TRY IT ON. HERE.
MR. POMFRITT, I'M
COUNTING ON YOU
TO TURN INTO A TOP NOTCH
MONEYMAKER IN NO TIME.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- I NEVER THOUGHT
THE DAY WOULD COME
WHEN I'D BE SORRY TO
SEE A TEACHER LEAVE,
BUT MR. POMFRITT'S DIFFERENT.
I MEAN, HE'S STRAIGHT-SHOOTING
AND SYMPATHETIC AND INSPIRING,
AND HE GIVES EASY TESTS,
SO I DECIDED TO TALK
TO MY FATHER
ABOUT THE SITUATION.
HE PROMISED ME HE'D
ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY OPINION
ON ANY SUBJECT.
- I ABSOLUTELY
REFUSE TO DISCUSS IT.
- DAD, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE MORE OPEN-MINDED.
- I AM PROBABLY THE MOST
OPEN-MINDED MAN IN TOWN.
HOW DO YOU THINK I WIND UP
WITH ALL THESE HEAD COLDS?
YOU PROBABLY REMEMBER THE FAMOUS
WORDS OF VOLTAIRE WHEN HE SAID,
"I MAY NOT AGREE
WITH WHAT YOU SAY,
"BUT I SHALL DEFEND TO THE DEATH
YOUR RIGHT TO SAY IT."
- SURE, DAD.
- WELL, THAT WAS
VOLTAIRE TALKING.
NOW THIS IS HERBERT
T. GILLIS TALKING.
CLAM UP AND CLEAN
YOUR NOSE CLEAN.
NOBODY LIKES A SMART ALECK.
- HEY, DOBE, GUESS WHAT.
- WHAT?
- I CAN'T TELL YOU.
- MAYNARD, WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
- PROMISE YOU WON'T
HIT ME FOR TELLING YOU?
- MAYNARD, TELL ME ALREADY.
- GUESS WHO WE'RE GOING
TO GET FOR A NEW TEACHER
IF MR. POMFRITT QUITS?
- WHO?
- MR. FOGARTY FROM WOODSHOP.
LIKE, RIGHT. THE ONLY TEACHER
WHO EVER GOT AN HONORARY
DEGREE FROM DEVIL'S ISLAND.
DOBE, WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
- YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN TRYING,
BUT MY FATHER TOLD ME BUTT OUT.
- HELLO, DEAR. HELLO, MAYNARD.
- MOM, MOM,
DAD REFUSES TO TALK TO ME.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU, DEAR.
- YEAH, BUT THIS TIME,
I WANT HIM TO TALK TO ME
ABOUT THE TEACHERS' PAY RAISE.
- OH, DID HE GIVE YOU
ANY ENCOURAGEMENT?
- YEAH, HE ENCOURAGED
TO CLAM UP.
MOM, MAKE HIM LISTEN TO ME.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH
ABOUT THE ISSUES INVOLVED,
BUT HE CERTAINLY OUGHT TO
HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
HERBERT, I WANT YOU
TO DROP EVERYTHING
AND LISTEN TO YOUR SON.
- IT'LL BE A
PLEASURE. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL STAND HERE, AND
YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD
AND TELL ME WHAT'S BUGGING YOU.
- THANKS, DAD. YOU'RE
A REAL HUMAN BEING
NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS.
NOW, DAD, THE FINE,
NOBLE, SELF-SACRIFICING...
HOW COULD I BREAK
THROUGH TO HERBERT T. GILLIS
FATHER, CITIZEN, PRACTICAL
BUDGET WATCHER?
I HAD TO SHOW HIM THAT
WITHOUT GOOD TEACHERS,
WE'D ALL TURN INTO
UNCULTURED, DULL-WITTED,
SIMPLE-MINDED CLODS.
- YOU RANG?
- WHEN THE MEMBERS
OF THE SCHOOL BOARD
GET HERE FOR THEIR MEETING,
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
THEY DON'T MISS THIS.
- YEAH, IT'S, LIKE,
BEAUTIFUL, DOBE.
- YEAH, IT SORT OF
MAKES YOU THINK.
- SORT OF MAKES YOU HUNGRY.
- VERY FUNNY.
[LAUGHS] VERY FUNNY.
- WORTHWHILE THOUGHT, HUH, DAD?
- VERY WORTHWHILE.
- DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, WINNIE.
YOUR SON IS ALREADY SOME
KIND OF A RABBLE-ROUSING NUT.
IMPORTANT MATTERS LIKE
THESE REQUIRE A LEVEL HEAD,
AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE
THE LEVELEST HEAD
YOU'RE EVER GOING TO...
- THESE TEACHERS
HAVE GOT TO GET A RAISE.
- WHY, DOBE?
- WELL, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD,
BUT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TEACH A CLASS WITH YOU IN IT?
- DOBE, THOSE TEACHERS
HAVE GOT TO GET A RAISE.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- HUSH! I'LL HAVE SILENCE!
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S BETTER.
TABLE RECOGNIZES MR. GILLIS.
- THANK YOU, MRS. OSBORNE.
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO MAKE
A FEW UNBIASED REMARKS
BEFORE THE TEACHERS GET HERE.
NOW, I UNDERSTAND THEY
ARE ASKING FOR A $15 RAISE.
ALL I WANT TO SAY,
IN ALL FAIRNESS,
IS MY PUMPERNICKEL
SHOULD HAVE SUCH CRUST.
- IF WE GIVE THEM THIS RAISE,
OUR TREASURY IS GOING TO WIND
UP 20 POINTS LOWER THAN NOTHING.
- SORRY I'M LATE, FOLKS.
MAY I SAY A FEW WORDS?
- VERY FEW. HOLD IT!
GO AHEAD.
- HERBERT, WHAT...
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE SCHOOL BOARD,
UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO POSTPONE THIS MEETING
BECAUSE THE OTHER TEACHERS
WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
ALMOST THE ENTIRE FACULTY
IS DOWN WITH INFLUENZA.
WELL, THERE IS AN
EPIDEMIC IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.
- OH, THE NEWSPAPERS
SAY IT'S VERY MILD.
- YEAH, NOBODY'S GETTING IT
EXCEPT THOSE THAT ARE
OVERWORKED OR UNDERNOURISHED.
- I REST MY CASE.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
- ANYWAY, IN VIEW
OF THE EMERGENCY,
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CLOSE
DOWN SCHOOL FOR A FEW DAYS,
SO PLEASE TELL YOUR CHILDREN
TO STAY HOME TOMORROW
AND UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
- MY SON, CHATSWORTH, AT HOME?
- EVERYBODY.
- OH! THAT IS OUT
OF THE QUESTION.
EVERY TIME
CHATSWORTH STAYS HOME,
ALL THE SERVANTS LEAVE.
- YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET
AWAY WITH THIS, POMFRITT!
WHY, IF DOBIE'S HANGING
AROUND THAT STORE ALL DAY,
THAT MEANS MAYNARD'S
GOING TO BE THERE, TOO.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT
THIS WILL DO TO BUSINESS,
NOT TO MENTION MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM?
- BUT, MR. GILLIS, I'M
THE ONLY TEACHER LEFT.
I CAN'T RUN THE
SCHOOL SINGLE-HANDED.
- WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
THAT CAN BE DONE
IN THIS SITUATION.
- HUSH UP, ALL OF YOU!
- I MOVE WE SHUT
DOWN THE SCHOOL.
- ME, TOO.
- IT HAS BEEN MOVED AND SECONDED
THAT WE SHUT DOWN THE SCHOOL.
- OKAY. THE MOTION PASSES.
NOW, I MOVE WE ADJOURN.
COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- JUST A MINUTE! JUST A
DARN MINUTE! WE ARE NOT
SHUTTING DOWN THE SCHOOL.
THOSE CHILDREN WILL
NOT BE DENIED THEIR RIGHT
TO AN EDUCATION.
- WINNIE, IT'LL COST
A COCKEYED FORTUNE
TO KEEP THIS SCHOOL OPEN.
- WHO CARES?
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT,
THE MINDS OF OUR YOUNGSTERS
HUNGRY FOR LEARNING OR
A FEW MISERABLE DOLLARS?
DON'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
REMEMBER THIS, THE GREATEST
ASSET THAT OUR COUNTRY HAS
IS THE MINDS OF ITS CHILDREN.
- OOH, THE COUNTRY'S BANKRUPT.
- MRS. GILLIS IS
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THOSE LITTLE MINDS,
NASTY AS THEY ARE
SOMETIMES, NEED NOURISHMENT.
- UNTIL OUR REGULAR
TEACHERS RECOVER,
WE PARENTS CAN
TEACH THE CLASSES.
- NOW, HOLD ON! WAIT!
- OUT OF ORDER!
- NOW, HOLD ON!
- YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER,
MR. GILLIS.
- NOW, LISTEN!
- MR. GILLIS, YOU
ARE OUT OF ORDER.
- MRS. OSBORNE, I
DON'T KNOW IF IT'S LEGAL.
- I HAVE JUST MADE IT LEGAL.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, POMFRITT?
YOU SCARED WE'LL FIND
OUT WHAT A SOFT TOUCH
YOU TEACHERS GOT AROUND HERE?
I MOVE AND SECOND AND
ALL THE OTHER GIZMOS
THAT THE PARENTS
TAKE OVER THE CLASSES.
WE'LL FIND OUT THE
TRUTH. YOU WANT A RAISE?
YOU FEATHERBEDDERS WILL
PROBABLY WIND UP WITH A CUT.
- IT'LL BE EXCITING!
- IT'LL BE FUN!
- IT'LL BE MURDER.
- OUR PARENTS ARE GOING
TO TEACH THE CLASSES?
RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, PARENTS ARE
SUPPOSED TO BUG YOU AT HOME,
AND TEACHERS ARE SUPPOSED
TO BUG YOU AT SCHOOL,
BUT NOBODY WAS
PLAYING BY THE RULES.
- NATURALLY, I WILL
TEACH HOME ECONOMICS
AND THE ART OF ENTERTAINING.
WE OSBORNES HAVE BEEN
INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS
FOR ENTERTAINING EVER
SINCE THE MAYFLOWER LANDED.
WE WERE ON THE BEACH
WAITING FOR THEM, YOU KNOW.
- I'VE DECIDED TO TEACH MUSIC
SO THAT THIS GREAT
MUSICAL TALENT WITHIN ME
WILL NOT BE KEPT FROM THE WORLD.
♪ DOWN AMONG THE
SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME
OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
- GIRLS' PHYSICAL EDUCATION?
ALL THAT BENDING AND STRETCHING
AND TWISTING AND
TURNING? OH, DEAR.
- I THINK THAT ACCOUNTS FOR
EVERYONE EXCEPT MR. GILLIS.
- HE HAD TO STOP
OFF FOR SOMETHING.
HE'LL BE HERE IN A
MINUTE. NOW WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL US ALL WHERE TO GO?
- HE WOULDN'T DARE!
- MRS. OSBORNE,
DOBIE WILL TAKE YOU
TO YOUR HOME ECONOMICS
CLASS IN ROOM 208,
AND MAYNARD, WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE MRS. KENNY
TO HER MUSIC CLASS IN ROOM 324?
- ALL THOSE LUCKY YOUNGSTERS.
- MRS. GILLIS, OUR GIRLS'
PHYSICAL EDUCATION CLASS
IS EXPERIMENTING WITH THIS
PROGRAM OF SWEDISH EXERCISES.
- OH, MUST WE?
I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE ENOUGH
TROUBLE WITH THEM IN ENGLISH.
- HEY, POMFRITT! GET THE WHOLE
TEAM OUT HERE ON THE DOUBLE!
I CALLED A PRACTICE
FOR THE OUTFIELD.
I WANT TO SEE THE WHOLE
TEAM IN THERE PITCHING
EXCEPT THE PITCHERS.
THEM I WANT TO SIT OUT.
AND THERE'S TOO MANY
WEAK-HITTING PITCHERS NOWADAYS.
YOU GOT TO GET THAT
OLD PEPPER IN THERE, BOY.
- MR. GILLIS, THERE MUST BE SOME
MISUNDERSTANDING, THESE CLOTHES.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THESE CLOTHES?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SOME
MIS... YOU PUT ME DOWN
FOR BASEBALL COACH, DIDN'T YOU?
- WELL, I'M AFRAID
NOT, MR. GILLIS.
I HAD YOU PENCILED IN
FOR ENGLISH LITERATURE.
- WELL, YOU CAN JUST
UNPENCIL ME OUT, BUSTER.
IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SIT
IN SOME STUFFY CLASSROOM
AND LISTEN TO A
LOT OF KIDS YAMMER...
- HERBERT!
- WELL, IT AIN'T FAIR, WINNIE!
GOSH, AND I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT
A NEW GLOVE AND EVERYTHING.
- DON'T WORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
DEEP DOWN, HERBERT REALLY
LOVES ENGLISH LITERATURE.
DON'T YOU, HERBERT?
- I LIKE "CASEY AT THE BAT."
- GOOD. BUT I HOPE
YOU LIKE POETRY, TOO.
RIGHT NOW, WE'RE STUDYING
THE GREAT AMERICAN ROMANTIC.
- FRANK SINATRA?
- TWICE IN ONE DAY?
NO, MR. GILLIS.
I'M REFERRING TO HENRY
WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW,
DEAN OF THE ROMANTIC POETS.
HE WROTE "THE MIDNIGHT
RIDE OF PAUL REVERE,"
AND YOU MUST KNOW "THE
WRECK OF THE HESPERUS."
- KNOW HER? I MARRIED HER.
JUST A LITTLE PLEASANTRY, DEAR.
- I'LL THANK YOU TO KEEP YOUR
PLEASANTRIES TO YOURSELF.
I HAVE A PHYSICAL EDUCATION
CLASS TO ORGANIZE IN SWEDISH.
- MR. GILLIS, I HOPE THAT YOU'RE
ABLE TO MAINTAIN DISCIPLINE
WITH YOUR CLASS.
- DISCIPLINE?
YOU ARE TALKING
TO HERBERT T. GILLIS,
FORMERLY FIRST
SERGEANT HERBERT T. GILLIS
IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL.
LEAD ME TO THEM YARD BIRDS.
- VERY WELL,
MR. GILLIS. FALL IN.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
- FALL IN! I MEAN,
SIT DOWN! QUIET!
MY NAME IS GILLIS, MR. GILLIS.
AND WHAT I SAY AROUND
HERE GOES, SEE? OKAY.
I WON'T BE NEEDING
YOU ANYMORE, SON.
- MR. GILLIS.
- DISMISSED!
- ROGER.
- NOW, LISTEN,
MEN, OH, AND LADIES,
I'M THE BOSS AROUND
HERE, SEE, BOSS GILLIS,
AND TO BEGIN WITH, THERE'S
GOING TO BE NO MORE
OF THIS BUDDY-BUDDY
FOOLISHNESS GOING ON.
TODAY, YOU ARE
GOING TO GET A DOSE
OF GOOD OLD-FASHIONED MEAT
AND POTATO TYPE EDUCATION.
AND WHAT SORT OF A
DOG KENNEL IS THIS?
- MR. GILLIS, THAT IS
THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS.
- DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF
YOUR SMART APPLE ANSWERS,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FROM WAY BACK.
- I AM MERELY STATING A FACT.
THAT IS THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS.
- NOKOMIS, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM?
CAN'T HE SIT AT A DESK
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
- I'M AFRAID YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NOKOMIS IS HIAWATHA'S
GRANDMOTHER.
- I DON'T CARE IF SHE
IS GEORGE WASHINGTON'S
MAIDEN AUNT.
SHE'S GOING TO SIT AT A
DESK LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
GET OUT OF THERE!
- MR. GILLIS, REALLY!
THERE'S NOBODY IN THERE.
NOKOMIS IS A CHARACTER.
- IT ALSO HAPPENS
TO BE A SMALL TOWN
IN THE STATE OF ILLINOIS,
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT
KIND OF A CHARACTER SHE IS.
NOBODY AROUND HERE
IS GOING TO... WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, CHARACTER?
- IN THE POEM "HIAWATHA."
- OOH, OH.
THAT NOKOMIS.
- ♪ DOWN AMONG THE
SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME
OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
♪ MEET ME DOWN BY
THE OLD GOLDEN GATE ♪
♪ DOWN WHERE THE SUN
GOES DOWN ABOUT EIGHT ♪
♪ HOW MY LOVE IS BURNING,
BURNING, BURNING ♪
♪ HOW MY HEART IS YEARNING,
YEARNING, YEARNING ♪
♪ TO BE DOWN AMONG
THE SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT FOR ME ♪
OH, YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN!
I THOUGHT YOU
LIKED SNAPPY MUSIC.
- NO OFFENSE, MRS.
KENNY, BUT THAT MUSIC
HASN'T BEEN SNAPPY SINCE
THE SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR.
- WELL, IF THAT'S YOUR ATTITUDE,
IT'S BACK TO THE "ANVIL CHORUS."
- OH!
- MRS. KENNY,
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE HIP?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE YOU SHOW HER, HUH, DOBE?
- OKAY, MAYNARD, BUT
YOU BETTER STAND GUARD
IN CASE MR. POMFRITT COMES BY.
- GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH.
- ALL CLEAR, DOBE.
- ♪ DON'T SEND A RABBIT ♪
♪ TO THE STORE TO
BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON THE SHELF ♪
- ♪ OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL
HIMSELF OH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I HAD A GAL ♪
♪ AND I HAD A PAL AS
TRUE AS HE COULD BE ♪
- ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ WELL, I SENT MY
PAL TO FETCH MY GAL ♪
♪ AND HE STOLE
HER LOVE FROM ME ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A MONKEY ♪
♪ TO THE STORE TO
BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ FOR YOUR APPETITE - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A MONKEY TO THE
STORE TO BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ YOU WON'T EAT TONIGHT ♪
- COOL IT! THE LAW!
- READY, CLASS?
THE "ANVIL CHORUS" WITH ANVIL.
A ONE, A TWO, A
BACK TO THE RABBIT.
- ♪ DON'T SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ LIKE THE FELLA
TELLS - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ YOU'LL GET PEANUT SHELLS ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, MY BUDDY
ASKED TO BORROW MY CAR ♪
♪ SO WHAT WAS I
TO DO - YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I LET MY
BUDDY TAKE MY CAR ♪
♪ AND HE TOOK MY BABY OUT, TOO ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON
THE SHELF - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL HIMSELF ♪
AND DON'T SEND NO DOGGIE
FOR BONES, NEITHER.
- LIKE, TRUE.
- THREE, FOUR, ONE,
TWO, THREE, FOUR.
OH, THIS IS DREARY. I
HAVE A MUCH BETTER IDEA,
SOMETHING THAT WE
USED TO DO IN SCHOOL,
RHYTHMIC EXPRESSION.
WE'LL ACT OUT ALL KINDS
OF CUTE LITTLE STORIES.
NOW, YOU JUST DO AS I SAY.
ALL THE GRACEFUL SWANS,
GRACEFUL SWANS,
ARCH, SLEEPY, SLEEPY,
THAT'S RIGHT, LOVELY,
LOVELY, SPLENDID.
NOW, ISN'T THIS MUCH MORE FUN
THAN THOSE SILLY
SWEDISH EXERCISES?
BUT HARK, BOLD CHANTICLEER
HERALDS THE DAWN!
EVERYBODY MAKE LIKE CHANTICLEER.
[CROWS LIKE A ROOSTER]
- OH, SLEEPY SWANS AWAKEN.
AND PADDLE DOWN THE STREAM.
I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE,
OH, NO, DEAR,
PADDLING NOT WADDLING.
OH, OH, THERE! ISN'T
THAT MORE SWAN-Y?
BUT HERE COMES
THE WICKED HUNTER.
EVERYBODY, COVER YOUR
HEADS WITH YOUR WINGS
AND SWIM FOR THE LILY PADS.
- MRS. GILLIS.
- OH, GOOD MORNING,
MR. POMFRITT.
- GOOD MORNING.
- WELCOME TO SWAN LAKE.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
SWEDISH EXERCISES, MRS. GILLIS?
- OH.
- AND...
- AND ONE, TWO,
THREE, FOUR, ONE, TWO
- MR. POMFRITT, MR. POMFRITT,
SIR, YOU GOTTA COME QUICK.
MR. POMFRITT?
- THREE, FOUR.
- YOU GOTTA COME QUICK
AND SAVE MR. GILLIS' LIFE.
- WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
- I DIDN'T LOOK INSIDE
THE CLASSROOM,
BUT FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GENERAL CUSTER
WITH A BUNCH OF
BAD-TEMPERED INDIANS.
- MURDER AND MAYHEM
ARE PROHIBITED
ON SCHOOL PROPERTY.
- THREE, FOUR.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- NOW, CUT IT OUT!
[GLASS BREAKS]
- OH, QUICK, MAYNARD.
WE'VE GOTTA GET UP THERE!
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- QUIET! FELLAS!
HE'S OUT!
AS FOR YOU, CHATSWORTH,
ONE MORE BROKEN WINDOW,
AND YOU ARE OUT OF THE GAME.
GAME CALLED ON ACCOUNT
OF TROUBLE. HI, POMFRITT.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
IS GOING ON HERE?
- WELL, YOU SEE, THE KIDS
WANTED TO PLAY BASEBALL.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO LONGFELLOW?
- HE'S FIRST BASE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO
BE A WET BLANKET.
- ALL RIGHT, KIDS. PUT
THOSE DESKS BACK IN PLACE.
MR. GILLIS, "HIAWATHA."
- "HIAWATHA,"
BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
"BY THE SHORES OF GITCHE GUMEE
BY THE SHINING BIG-SEA-WATER
"STOOD THE WIGWAM OF
NOKOMIS, DAUGHTER OF THE..." OH.
- OH, HOW FASCINATING.
I WONDER WHAT IT IS.
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE,
I BELIEVE IT'S A STOVE.
- OOH, NASTY.
WELL, I SUPPOSE IT HAS
SOME HISTORICAL INTEREST.
OOH! FIRE! FIRE! YOU
GIRLS, BE CAREFUL!
BE CALM. I'M IN
CHARGE HERE. FIRE!
OH, WHAT A NASTY MECHANISM.
WELL, GIRLS, ARE YOU
READY FOR TODAY'S LESSON?
NOW, IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS,
MANY OF YOU WILL PROBABLY
BECOME HOUSEWIVES.
- YEAH.
- LOOKING AT YOU
NOW, IT SEEMS UNLIKELY,
BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE.
NOW, THE FIRST PROBLEM
THAT YOU WILL FACE
WILL NATURALLY BE THE PROPER
HIRING AND FIRING OF SERVANTS.
- OH, NATURALLY.
- OF COURSE,
THE SERVANT PROBLEM IS
BEST HANDLED BY YOUR BUTLER.
- MRS. OSBORNE, WHAT IF
YOU DON'T HAVE A BUTLER?
- YOU'RE JESTING, OF COURSE.
EVERYONE HAS A BUTLER.
WHO ELSE WOULD TAKE
CHARGE OF THE MAIDS,
THE CHEFS AND THE PANTRYMEN?
- I NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
- WELL, THINK, GIRL, THINK.
NOW WE COME TO THE PROBLEM
OF DISMISSING A SERVANT.
ZELDA, HOW WOULD YOU DISCHARGE
AN UNSATISFACTORY CHAUFFEUR?
- HOW ABOUT HAVING HIM BEHEADED?
- REALLY?
OH, NO, NO, NOWADAYS,
THAT MUST BE
ILLEGAL OR SOMETHING.
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE, DO YOU
HAVE ANY SPECIAL RULES
FOR RUNNING A HOUSEHOLD?
- THERE IS ONLY ONE
RULE: TAKE OVER.
RUN THAT HOUSE
WITH AN IRON HAND.
DON'T LET THOSE NASTY
MEN OPEN THEIR MOUTHS.
- YAY!
- THE MOMENT YOU'RE MARRIED,
LET HIM KNOW WHO IS BOSS.
YOU PUNISH
INSUBORDINATION AT ONCE.
- THAT SOUNDS CRUEL.
- YES, IT IS.
- MRS. OSBORNE, I'M IN CHARGE...
- OUT!
- MRS. OSBORNE...
- OUT!
I AM IN CHARGE OF THIS CLASS.
BEHEADING IS NOT ONLY
FOR SERVANTS. OUT!
- MRS. OSBORNE...
- NURSE!
- BYE.
- ANY OTHER QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE CARE AND
HANDLING OF MEN?
- YAY!
- NOW, THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER
LITTLE ITEMS WE SHOULD PICK UP.
FOR EXAMPLE, NO YOUNG BRIDE
SHOULD DARE START
HER MARRIED LIFE
WITHOUT A COMPLETE
SILVER SERVICE FOR 48.
- CHEER UP, MR. POMFRITT.
EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT FINE.
YOU'LL SEE.
- SURE, MR. POMFRITT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT OUT THERE
IN THAT ICE CREAM SHOP,
VERY HEALTHY.
- MAYNARD.
- THEY CANNOT SAY THAT I
DESERTED A SINKING SHIP.
- MR. POMFRITT,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- TO MAKE SURE THAT
CENTRAL HIGH'S LAST HOURS
ARE FILLED WITH GLORY. I'M
GOING TO SEE THOSE CLASSES
ARE RUN PROPERLY
TILL THE BITTER END.
- MRS. OSBORNE'S CLASS, TOO?
- WELL, NO, THE END DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE THAT BITTER.
- ♪ HOW MY LOVE ♪
♪ IS BURNING, BURNING, BURNING ♪
♪ HOW MY HEART ♪
♪ IS YEARNING,
YEARNING, YEARNING ♪
♪ TO BE DOWN AMONG
THE SHELTERING PALMS ♪
♪ OH, HONEY, WAIT... ♪
BACK TO THE "ANVIL CHORUS."
- ALL THE LITTLE RAINDROPS
ARE PATTERING, PITTERING,
AND PATTERING, PITTERING AND...
- AND?
- AND...
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
- CLOSE BY THE STURDY
BATSMAN, THE BALL UNHEEDED SPED
- "'TAIN'T MY
STYLE," SAID CASEY.
"STRIKE ONE," THE UMPIRE SAID.
AND THEN FROM THE BLEACHERS,
BLACK WITH PEOPLE,
THERE AROSE...
- HIAWATHA?
- "BY THE SHORES OF GITCHE GUMEE
"BY THE SHINING BIG-SEA-WATER
"STOOD THE WIGWAM OF NOKOMIS,
DAUGHTER OF THE MOON."
OH, YOU OLD NOKOMIS.
THEN FROM THE BLEACHERS,
BLACK WITH PEOPLE,
THERE AROSE A MIGHTY ROAR
LIKE THE BEATING
OF THE STORM WAVES
ON SOME STERN AND DISTANT SHORE
- "KILL HIM! KILL THE UMPIRE!"
- YEAH, THAT WAS THE DAY
THE TEACHERS DISAPPEARED.
PRETTY SCARY, HUH?
WELL, THE NIGHT THEY CAME BACK
WASN'T EXACTLY
THE CALMEST, EITHER.
- ORDER, ORDER!
OR DO I HAVE TO BREAK ANOTHER
GAVEL ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD?
NOW, IN VIEW OF OUR RECENT
EXPERIENCE AT THE HIGH SCHOOL,
THE BOARD INSISTED
THAT WE HAVE THIS MEETING
WITH TEACHERS AS SOON AS YOU
ARE ABLE TO BE BACK ON YOUR FEET.
- YEAH, WELL, MOST OF THE
TEACHERS HAVE RECOVERED,
AND THEY'RE HERE
TONIGHT, MRS. OSBORNE.
- OKAY. LET'S CAN THE CHATTER
AND GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
POMFRITT, JUST WHAT
SORT OF A RIDICULOUS RAISE
DID YOU TEACHERS
INTEND TO ASK FOR?
- WELL, WE'D HOPED
FOR $15 A MONTH,
BUT WE'RE WILLING TO
SETTLE FOR SEVEN AND A HALF
AND HOT LUNCHES.
- HOT LUNCHES.
MISTER, YOU ARE FOOLING
WITH MR. HERBERT T. GILLIS,
AND I DO NOT FOOL QUICK.
$15 A MONTH, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
$15. HA!
- HA!
- HA!
- HA!
- I SAY 20.
- I'LL SAY 25.
- I'LL SAY 35.
- 35?
- OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE
AN OLD STICK IN THE MUD,
BUT WHERE ARE WE
GOING TO GET THE MONEY?
- SIMPLE, WE'LL JUST
FLOAT A BOND ISSUE
AND JUST SHOW ME ONE GUY
IN THIS TOWN WHO'S SO STINGY,
HE'LL VOTE AGAINST IT.
- BRAVO!
- HOORAY! BRAVO!
HERE, HERE!
- THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION,
AND AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
I INSIST THE TEACHERS
GET $40 RAISE AND LIKE IT.
MEETING ADJOURNED, AND I
HAVE NO PATIENCE WITH BACKTALK.
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]
- ♪ OH, YEAH,
YEAH, I HAD A GAL ♪
♪ AND I HAD A PAL ♪
♪ AS TRUE AS HE COULD BE ♪
♪ WELL, I SENT MY
PAL TO FETCH MY GAL ♪
♪ AND HE STOLE
HER LOVE FROM ME ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
MONKEY TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME BANANAS ♪
♪ FOR YOUR APPETITE - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
MONKEY TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME BANANAS
YOU WON'T EAT TONIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ LIKE THE FELLA
TELLS - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND AN
ELEPHANT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME PEANUTS ♪
♪ YOU'LL GET PEANUT
SHELLS OH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ MY BUDDY ASKED
TO BORROW MY CAR ♪
♪ SO WHAT WAS I
TO DO - YEAH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I LET MY
BUDDY TAKE MY CAR ♪
♪ AND HE TOOK MY BABY OUT, TOO ♪
♪ DON'T SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ AND PUT THEM ON
THE SHELF - OH, NO ♪
- ♪ YOU SEND A
RABBIT TO THE STORE ♪
♪ TO BRING HOME CARROTS ♪
♪ HE'LL EAT THEM ALL HIMSELF ♪
ZELDA!
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪