The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 13 - What's My Lion? - full transcript
Maynard thinks nothing of the lion he sees roaming around the park. It isn't until everyone else sees the lion that Maynard becomes a hero for capturing and thus returning the lion, which had escaped from the zoo. The lion was a sacred gift to the United States from Prince Dumiphon of Imbodia. Maynard becomes the toast of the US and Imbobia diplomatic corps, with the Grand Wazir of Imbodia making the official thank you to Maynard on behalf of the Prince, who is busy on other business while in the US. The disappearance of the lion threatened the oil treaty the Prince is planning to sign with the US. Despite the accolades showered upon him and the Wazir's speech, Maynard later can't stand to see the lion caged and decides to steal and keep the lion until he can speak to the Prince about the situation, in hopes of returning the lion directly to him. Beyond the diplomatic row the lion's disappearance causes, Maynard has problems finding a place to hide the lion. The answer to all Maynard's problems may come unwittingly from the Imp, the guest bongo player at a local coffee house.
[ROAR]
- BOY HE WAS A
ROUGH ONE TO HANDLE,
A REAL MAN-EATER.
EVERY TIME I GOT NEAR HIM.
YOU KNOW YOU JUST WOULDN'T
THINK A LION COULD THINK LIKE THAT.
- REMEMBER, THIS SACRED LION
IS A GIFT FROM MY PRINCE
FOR THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA.
HE MUST BE WELL CARED FOR.
- [LION ROARING]
- YOU RANG?
- [ROARING CONTINUES]
- MAN, SOMEBODY SURE
NEEDS A NEW TRANSMISSION.
- [ROARING]
- HEY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
THE ZOO, IT'S BACK THAT WAY.
TURN LEFT AT THE
DRINKING FOUNTAIN.
HEY. HEY.
HEY, YOU MUST BE, LIKE, A
LION OR SOMETHING, HUH?
HUH?
YEAH, OR A TALL CAT.
YEAH, OH, NO, WITH THAT
HAIRDO, YOU MUST BE, LIKE, A LION.
YEAH, OH, I'VE SEEN YOU
ON THE LATE, LATE
SHOW ON TV LAST NIGHT.
- [ROAR]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- YEAH, OH, YOU'RE
A GOOD LION, YEAH.
A LION, YEAH.
- [BELL CLANGS]
- UH-OH!
THERE'S THE FIVE-MINUTE BELL.
HEY, I GOTTA CUT OUT.
KEEP SMILING, LION.
YEAH, GOODBYE.
[SCATTING]
- [LION GROWLING QUIETLY]
- MY FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS
HAS ONE AMAZING QUALITY
THAT SETS HIM APART
FROM ORDINARY PEOPLE.
IS HE HANDSOME? NO.
RICH? UH-UH.
BRILLIANT? MAYNARD?
BUT HE IS ORIGINAL. YOU'VE
GOT TO GIVE HIM THAT.
I MEAN, HIS HEAD CAN COME UP
WITH THE WILDEST, MOST
FANTASTIC STORIES YOU EVER HEARD,
ESPECIALLY IF HE HAS TO.
LIKE, WHEN HE GETS IN
TROUBLE AND NEEDS AN EXCUSE.
BOY, THOSE EXCUSES.
- STEP ON IT, MAYNARD,
YOU'RE LATE AGAIN.
- I COULDN'T HELP IT. I
WAS WALKING ALONG
MINDING, LIKE, MY
OWN BUSINESS, AND...
- MAYNARD, PLEASE
I HAVEN'T GOT TIME
TO HEAR ANOTHER ONE OF
YOUR HAREBRAINED EXCUSES.
- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS ONE.
IT'S A LULU, AND THE
TRUTH, A TRUE LULU.
- MAYNARD, COME ON TO CLASS.
- WAIT, DOBE, I...
- MAYNARD.
- I WAS ANKLING
ALONG IN THE PARK
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
WHEN ALL OF SUDDEN THIS...
- I KNOW, I KNOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THIS PINK AND WHITE
GIRAFFE TROTTED IN
AND YOU HAD TO
STOP TO SHAKE HANDS.
- DOBE, THAT'S SILLY.
WHO EVER HEARD OF
A GIRAFFE IN A PARK?
- I'M GLAD YOU REALIZE IT.
- SURE, I DIDN'T SEE NO GIRAFFE.
- I BELIEVE YOU.
- IT WAS A LION.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- [ROAR]
- LIKE, HI. HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
NO, NO. NO, YOU
CAN'T COME IN HERE.
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION
GOT RULES ABOUT IT.
NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO GO TO
CLASS UNLESS HE'S REGISTERED.
- [GROANING]
- OH, I KNOW, YOU'RE,
LIKE, LONESOME.
BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
OUT THERE IN THE JUNGLE
TILL SCHOOL'S OUT.
I'LL DIG YOU LATER.
- [GIRLS SCREAMING]
[BAND PLAYING "TIGER RAG"]
- HEY, WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
[SIREN APPROACHING]
YOU SEE ANYBODY?
- "YOUNG HERO
CAPTURES WILD BEAST."
THAT'S MAYNARD.
UH, THE HERO, NOT
THE WILD BEAST.
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
CENTRAL HIGH STUDENT
"WILL BE REWARDED TODAY
"BY THE FABULOUSLY
WEALTHY ORIENTAL POTENTATE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN OF AMBODIA."
"WHEN INTERVIEWED, YOUNG
KREBS' ONLY COMMENT WAS..."
- LIKE, WOW.
- IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?
- LIKE WOW, WOW.
HEY, DOBE, YOU THINK MAYBE
I'LL GET A REWARD OF $5.00, HUH?
- $5.00?
- $2.00.
- MAYNARD.
- 75 CENTS.
- LISTEN, MAYNARD,
WHY DO YOU THINK
I'M GIVING UP MY WHOLE AFTERNOON
TO COME ALONG WITH YOU?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBE.
- RIGHT, BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THAT.
YOU'LL NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP
YOU CARRY ALL THE STUFF HOME.
- WHAT STUFF?
- WHO KNOWS?
RUBIES.
- RUBIES?
- EMERALDS.
- EMERALDS?
- DIAMONDS.
- DIAMONDS?
- PALACES.
- PALACES?
- WHEN YOU FIND AN ORIENTAL
POTENTATE'S PET LION,
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW
BIG A REWARD YOU MIGHT GET.
- RUBIES, DIAMONDS,
EMERALDS, PALACES, WOW.
- YEAH, COME ON,
LET'S GO, MAYNARD.
- HEY, DOBE, MAYBE WE
SHOULD HAVE BRUNG A BAG?
- LIKE, GREETINGS,
COULD YOU HIP HIS ROYAL
LORDSHIP THAT WE'RE HERE...
- MAYNARD, PLEASE.
KINDLY INFORM HIS RADIANCE
THAT HIS GUESTS MAYNARD G.
KREBS AND DOBIE GILLIS AWAIT,
TREMBLING, LEST THEY BE
BLINDED BY HIS IMPERIAL SPLENDOR.
- IT SHALL BE DONE,
PLEASE, ENTER.
- OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- HEY, DOBE, WHAT IS IT
WITH ALL THAT BOWING
AND IMPERIAL SPLENDOR AND
HIS RADIANCE AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- I'VE BEEN STUDYING UP ON IT.
- YEAH, YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN YOU MIGHT MEET
GRACE KELLY OR DUKE SNYDER.
- I AM MR. HUGGINS
OF WASHINGTON.
- OH.
- THIS IS MR. HARGROVE.
UH, WHICH ONE IS GREGS?
- UH, KREBS, MAYNARD G.
- OH, EXCELLENT, A FINE
YOUNG MAN LIKE YOU
IS CERTAIN TO MAKE A
FAVORABLE IMPRESSION...
- HOLD IT A MINUTE, DAD.
I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- YEAH.
- WE COULD ALWAYS SAY
HE GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR
AND COULDN'T MAKE IT.
- OH, DEAR.
- WELL, WHAT ARE
WE WORRYING ABOUT?
I'M SURE WHEN THIS
YOUNG MAN REALIZES
THE SERIOUSNESS
OF THE SITUATION,
HE'LL BE A CREDIT
TO HIS COUNTRY.
BESIDES, HE'S ALREADY
BEEN ANNOUNCED.
- PERHAPS WE SHOULD FILL THEM IN
BEFORE THEY MEET THE WAZIR.
- WAZIR?
- UH, YES, PRINCE
DUMAFAN'S CHIEF OF STAFF,
PRIME MINISTER,
AND AIDE DE CAMP.
- OH, THREE WAZIRS.
- MAYNARD.
- PRINCE DUMAFAN IS BUSY
ON A SOCIOLOGICAL SURVEY
OF AMERICAN CULTURE.
HIS EXCELLENCY, THE GRAND WAZIR,
WILL MAKE THE PRESENTATION.
- THEY'VE COME TO THIS
COUNTRY TO SIGN AN OIL TREATY,
AND FRANKLY, THE AFFAIR
HAS REACHED A CRITICAL STAGE.
[CLANG]
- HIS EXCELLENCY, THE
GRAND WAZIR OF AMBODIA,
ABDUL ALI HAKEEM.
- Both: YOUR EXCELLENCY.
- THE CEREMONIAL GRISAK.
AH-CHOO!
- GOD BLESS YOU.
- IMMEDIATELY.
- AT ONCE, O NOBLE WAZIR.
IT WAS CONSIDERED GRAVE
INSULT TO MY COUNTRY
WHEN SACRED LION
WAS ALLOWED TO ESCAPE.
HOWEVER, BRAVE BOY WIPE OUT
INSULT AND SHALL BE REWARDED.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU
BRAVE BOYS FOUND LION?
- YOUNG DREGS HERE.
- KREBS.
- LIKE, HI, WAZ, THIS IS
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE.
HE HELPED, TOO.
- IS GOOD.
STEP FORWARD, BOTH OF YOU.
FIRST WE DRINK A TOAST
TO HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN,
PEARL OF THE ORIENT,
AVENGER OF THE EAST.
- WELL, I'M SORRY,
SIR, BUT MY FATHER
DOESN'T ALLOW ME TO
DRINK ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.
- MINE, NEITHER.
- OH, IT'S NOT ALCOHOL.
IT'S NATIVE DRINK OF AMBODIA.
GRIZAK, WHAT YOU
WOULD CALL, UM, MILK.
- OH.
- IS GOOD, HONEST GOAT'S MILK,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR.
AND NOW, DEAR BOY,
I GIVE YOU HIGHEST
HONOR OF AMBODIA,
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER.
WITH THIS ORDER COMES
SEVERAL CEREMONIAL GIFTS
SYMBOLIC OF HIS
RADIANCE'S GRATITUDE.
THE FIRST WILL BE A
POT OF RED RU... RU...
- RUBIES.
- ARUBA FROM ROYAL GARDEN.
ALSO A BOX OF EMA... EMA...
- EMERALDS.
- EMAVELOPES AND STATIONERY
FROM THE ROYAL STATIONERY STORE.
AND FINALLY YOU WILL BE GIVEN
ONE DOZEN VERY LARGE DIA...
- WE KNOW. DIAPERS FROM
ROYAL DIAPER SERVICE.
AH-CHOO!
- NO, DIAMONDS.
- Both: DIAMONDS?
- YES,
AS SOON AS THEY ARE
DISCOVERED IN AMBODIA.
SO FAR WE HAVE BEEN
DIGGING FOR 900 YEARS.
NO LUCK, BUT VERY SHORTLY.
CONGRATULATIONS, MY BOY.
WE SHALL MEET AGAIN
TOMORROW AT THE ZOO
AT WHICH TIME, HIS
IMPERIAL RADIANCE
SHALL PRESENT SACRED
LION TO YOUR CITY.
THAT IS, OF COURSE, IF, UH,
NO ONE ALLOWS LION TO ESCAPE,
IN WHICH NO PRESENTATION,
NO OIL TREATY, NO NOTHING.
- WELL, I'M SURE THERE
WILL BE NO FURTHER TROUBLE
WITH THE LION, YOUR EXCELLENCY.
- IS BETTER NOT BE.
WAIT, ALMOST FORGOT.
IS ONE MORE GIFT
THAT COMES ALONG WITH
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER,
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.
- I KNEW IT. HE WAS
SAVING IT FOR LAST.
- WHOEVER HOLDS
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER
ENTITLED TO ALL FREE,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR
GOAT'S MILK HE CAN DRINK.
FOREVER.
AH-CHOO!
- GOD BLESS YOU.
- HEY, LION, HEY, IT'S ME,
YOUR OLD BUDDY
MAYNARD FROM THE PARK.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
A CAGED-UP LION.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU
ARE, A CAGED-UP LION.
BOY, JAILSVILLE,
ALL COOPED UP WITH
PEOPLE STARING AT YOU.
NO MORE RUNNING.
NO MORE JUMPING.
NO MORE HACKING
AROUND THE WATER HOLE
WITH THEM OTHER LIONS.
YEAH, IF I WAS YOU,
I'D BE PRETTY MUCH
DOWN IN THE DUMPS, TOO.
I HAD A DUCK ONCE AND HE DIDN'T
LIKE TO BE LOCKED UP EITHER.
SO I LET HIM GO,
AND A BABY ALLIGATOR,
AND A CHIPMUNK.
THEY ALL GOT LET GO.
SO HOW COME YOU DON'T?
WELL, YOU AIN'T GONNA STAY
PENNED UP IN THERE NO MORE,
YOU HEAR? NO, SIR.
ANY FRIEND OF MAYNARD G. KREBS
OUGHT TO BE AS FREE AS
A BIRD, EVEN IF HE'S A LION.
- MAYNARD, DOES HE REMEMBER YOU?
- NO, I THINK HE'S, LIKE,
TRYING TO FORGET ME.
- OH.
- HEY, DOBE, I GOT AN IDEA.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD IT YET.
- I DON'T HAVE TO. I
KNOW YOUR IDEAS.
- NO, LISTEN, HAVE
YOU EVER THOUGHT
ABOUT HAVING A
LITTLE PET, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, ONE YOU AND I
COULD GO PARTNERS ON?
- WHAT KIND OF A PET?
- OH, YOU KNOW,
LIKE A LITTLE DOG
OR A CAT OR A
CHIPMUNK OR A DUCK.
- OR A LION?
- GOOD THINKING.
YEAH, IF YOU WANT
A LION FOR A PET,
WE CAN KEEP IT IN MY ROOM.
MY FOLKS HAVEN'T BEEN
UP THERE FOR YEARS.
- MAYNARD, PEOPLE JUST DON'T
GO AROUND STEALING LIONS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE GIFTS
FROM THE PRINCE OF AMBODIA.
- BUT IT'S SUCH A
VERY UNHAPPY LION
ALL SCRUNCHED UP IN
THAT LITTLE BITTY CAGE.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S AN
ABSURD, IMPOSSIBLE,
FANTASTIC, RIDICULOUS NOTION.
- NO, DON'T BE BASHFUL.
JUST COME RIGHT OUT
AND SAY YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- YOU DON'T?
- NO, NO. MAYNARD,
PLEASE, PLEASE,
JUST FORGET ABOUT
THE LION, OKAY?
- HEY, DOBE,
CAN I BORROW YOUR
FATHER'S TRUCK TONIGHT?
- WHAT FOR?
- IT'S, LIKE, AN EMERGENCY.
- AN EMERGENCY?
- MY HI-FI'S BROKE.
- OH. OH, YEAH. SURE, MAYNARD.
THE, UH, THE KEY'S
UNDER THE FLOOR MAT.
- THANKS, DOBE, YOU'RE,
LIKE, A REAL HUMAN BEING.
- YEAH, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- [ROARING]
- GIVE ME THE POLICE.
YES, THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT, QUICK.
HELLO? HELLO? THIS
IS HERBERT T. GILLIS
OF THE GILLIS GROCERY STORE,
AND I WANT TO REPORT
A STOLEN TRUCK.
SURE, I'M SURE.
I JUST WENT OUT
THERE IN THE ALLEY,
RIGHT OUT THERE
WHERE I ALWAYS KEEP IT,
AND IT'S STARK EMPTY.
THE ALLEY! HOW DO I
KNOW WITH THE TRUCK?
THE TRUCK ISN'T THERE.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I AM A TAXPAYER AND A VETERAN,
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL...
- TRUCK? DAD...
- AND I DEMAND THAT...
- DAD, DAD.
UH, DID YOU SAY TRUCK?
- OH, I SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THAT.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE TRUCK?
- HUH? WELL, I, UH...
- "HUH? WELL,"
OH, JUST A MINUTE,
I'LL CALL BACK.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN INSIDE JOB.
- ALL RIGHT, BOY. OUT WITH IT.
HOW MANY FENDERS DID YOU SMASH?
HOW MANY DOORS DID YOU RIP OFF?
- OH, NO, NO, DAD,
IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.
I, UH, UH...
- YOU, UH...
I-UH, OOH-UH, WHAT?
- LIKE, HI, MR. GILLIS,
SMOOTH-LOOKING TRUCK
YOU GOT OUT THERE.
- TRUCK? WHERE?
- WHERE? WHERE?
- LIKE, THERE, THERE.
- MAYNARD, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN WITH THE TRUCK?
YOU ALMOST GOT ME INTO TROUBLE.
- I GOT A CONFESSION, DOBE.
MY HI-FI IS ALL RIGHT, AT
LEAST IT WAS LAST NIGHT.
IT'S KIND OF SQUASHED NOW.
- SQUASHED?
- YEAH, JUST WHERE
THE LION SAT ON IT.
- THE LION?
- YEAH, MY ROOM IS
A LITTLE CROWDED,
SO I KIND OF, LIKE,
HAD TO CHANGE PLANS.
- MAYNARD.
- YEAH, ME AND THE LION,
WE'VE BEEN DRIVING
AROUND ALL NIGHT.
- MAYNARD, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU AND THE
LION... IN THE TRUCK?
- MM-HMM.
- DAD.
- DOBIE, COME HERE QUICK.
- DAD, WAIT.
- WAIT, WHAT?
THIS IS A RUSH ORDER. OPEN
THE TRUCK DOOR FOR ME.
- YEAH, LET ME HAVE
THOSE BOXES, DAD.
YOU GO IN AND TAKE A NICE NAP.
- A NAP?
IT'S ONLY 8:30 IN THE MORNING.
- WELL, IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO
TAKE A NAP BEFORE YOU GET TIRED.
- YOU ARE SICK, BOY,
NOW STOP YAMMERING
AND OPEN THE TRUCK DOOR.
- OH, THE DOOR'S, LIKE
NEW, MR. GILLIS, SEE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU CHARACTERS? LOOK OUT.
DO I HAVE TO DO
EVERYTHING MYSELF.
- DAD.
- LET GO OF ME, DOBIE,
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS...
- DAD.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
HAVE YOU FLIPPED YOUR
TROLLIES OR SOMETHING?
I'M TRYING TO GET
GROCERIES DELIVERED.
- DAD, I'M ONLY TRYING
TO SAVE WEAR AND TEAR
ON YOUR POOR OLD
BACK. COME ON, MAYNARD,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THESE
UP IN FRONT? GOODBYE, DAD.
- YEAH, LIKE,
BYE-BYE, MR. GILLIS.
- 8:30, AND I'M A NERVOUS
WRECK ALREADY.
WELL, IT'S TOO CHILLY TO STAND
AROUND HERE WORRYING ABOUT IT.
- COME ON, MAYNARD.
[BELL DINGS, COIN DROPS]
[DIALING]
- WHAT AM I GONNA SAY,
DOBE? I'M, LIKE, SCARED.
- JUST GET PRINCE
DUMAFAN ON THE PHONE
AND TELL HIM
YOU'VE GOT HIS LION.
- THEY'RE RINGING.
- JUST CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
- CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
- YEAH, YEAH,
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH.
- CALMLY. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- HELLO?
- LIKE, PLEASE DON'T LOCK ME UP.
I'M INNOCENT.
- MAYNARD!
COME ON, MAYNARD.
- HELLO, HELLO?
- THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- AH, YES, MR. KREBS.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- ASK TO SPEAK TO HIS RADIANCE.
- COULD I SPEAK TO HIS RADIATOR?
- MAYNARD, RADIANCE, RADIANCE.
- RADIANCE, RADIANCE.
- I'M SORRY, MR. KREBS,
HIS RADIANCE IS STILL BUSY
WITH HIS SOCIOLOGICAL SURVEY.
MAY I BE OF SERVICE?
- COULD I SPEAK
TO THE WAZIR THEN?
- HIS EXCELLENCY THE WAZIR
WILL NOT RETURN UNTIL NOON.
HE IS OUT WALKING
THE ROYAL POODLES.
- I'LL CALL HIM
BACK, LIKE, LATER.
HE WON'T BE BACK TILL NOON.
- OH.
- YOUR TRUCK?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH.
- WELL, GET IT OUTTA HERE!
IT'S IN A LOADING ZONE.
- YES, SIR.
YES, SIR.
- NOW WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, DOBE?
- YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE, MAYNARD.
IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, I TOLD
YOU A THOUSAND TIMES,
- Both: GET RID OF THE LION.
- YEAH.
- OKAY, GOOD BUDDY.
- GOOD LUCK, MAYNARD.
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH, LION, I'M THINKING.
I GOTTA FIND A PLACE TO HIDE YOU
TILL THAT PRINCE CAT GETS BACK.
BUT WHERE?
OOH, I KNOW, I'LL CALL
ZELDA. SHE'LL KNOW WHERE.
OOH, YEAH. CALL ZELDA.
[BELL DINGS, COIN DROPS]
[DIALING]
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH!
- HI, MAN, WHAT'S THE SCENE?
- LIKE, HI, RIFF. WHAT WERE YOU
DOING IN THAT PHONE BOOTH?
- THAT'S NO PHONE BOOTH.
THAT'S, LIKE, THE FRONT DOOR
TO OUR FAR-OUT COFFEE HOUSE.
- THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- WHAT ELSE?
- MAN, LIKE, IT'S
PRETTY SMALL, RIFF.
- DIG.
- OH, CRAZY.
- GET THE PICTURE.
YOU GOT CREDITORS,
YOU GOT TO PLAY IT
COOL? BE MY GUEST.
- YEAH, WELL, I GOT, LIKE,
A FRIEND ALONG, RIFF.
- CUCKOO, ANY CHUM OF YOURS
WILL NEVER BE LEFT OUTSIDE
AT THE INSIDE OF THE OUTSIDE.
- WELL, MAYBE I
SHOULDN'T MENTION
BUT MY FRIEND'S, LIKE, A
LION, YOU KNOW? RAHHRRR!
- LOOK, MAN, I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE DOES FOR A LIVING,
JUST SO LONG AS HE'S A CAT.
- YEAH, CRAZY, OKAY.
- LOOK, LIKE, ALIVE, PRUDENCE,
THERE'S CUSTOMERS COMING.
- COOL.
- [LOW GROWL]
[LOUDER GROWL]
- TABLE FOR TWO?
- MM-HMM.
- MAN, THIS CAFFEINE
SCENE'S A PROFOUND GAS.
A TABLE FOR TWO, HUH.
OF COURSE, IT GETS
A LITTLE MIXED UP
DURING THESE THREE-DAY SESSIONS.
CIGARS, CIGARETTES? CATNIP?
LIKE, NO THANKS.
- HERE YOU ARE, NICE
QUIET TABLE FOR TWO,
SOMETHING NOT TOO
NEAR THE ORCHESTRA,
- YEAH.
- GOT YOU COVERED.
[JAZZ PLAYING QUIETLY]
HOW'S THIS? NICE QUIET DEUCE.
[BONGOS IMPROVISE]
- HEY, THAT'S A REAL COOL BONGO.
- THE IMP? YEAH, HE SWINGS.
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
YOU WANT, JUST GROWL.
- SEE, LION? WE'RE HOME FREE.
- [MELLOW ROAR]
- SHH.
- All: SHH.
- UH, LIKE EXCUSE ME, CATS.
- WHAT GIVES, DADDY-O?
- I DON'T WANT TO BUG
YOU, BUT THAT CAT'S HOT.
YOU GOTTA MAKE LIKE MANDRAKE.
- LIKE, WHY?
- LIKE FRIEND LEO
FROM LIONSVILLE,
HE'S, LIKE, WANTED.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE POSSE TIME, I
MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S A DEFINITE SPLIT.
- LIKE, I DON'T DIG.
- LIKE, READ.
- "SACRED LION STOLEN FROM ZOO."
LIKE, "THIEF HUNTED."
IT'S, LIKE, "INTERNATIONAL
INCIDENT THREATENED,"
LIKE, "ENTIRE POLICE
FORCE ALERTED."
- LIKE, "AUTHORITIES PROMISE
"QUICK AND MERCILESS
PUNISHMENT TO THE CULPRITS,
WHOEVER THEY MAY BE."
- MAN, LIKE, THE
FAT'S IN THE FIRE.
- YEAH, AND FUZZ
IS IN THE FOYER.
- THE POLICE?
- THE BOYS IN BLUE.
- RIFF, IS THERE ANOTHER
WAY OUT OF THIS PAD?
- OH, YOU CATS COOL IT.
WE'LL, LIKE, HEAD
'EM OFF AT PASS.
COME ON, TONTO.
- ALL RIGHT, WHO LEFT THAT
DELIVERY TRUCK OUT THERE?
- LIKE, WHAT DELIVERY TRUCK?
- CIGARS, CIGARETTES?
- NO, THANK YOU.
- THE ONE IN THE ALLEY.
- LIKE, WHAT ALLEY?
- LIKE, THE ALLEY OUTSIDE.
- OH, MAN. THIS IS THE
INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
WE AIN'T GOT NO OUTSIDE HERE
AT THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- LIKE, MAN, NO.
- LIKE, OUT OF MY WAY.
YOU, WITH THE FURRY CHIN.
- ME, SIR?
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- MY... MY NAME, SIR?
- YEAH, YOUR NAME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- ME, SIR? NOTHING, SIR.
- WELL, THEN SIT UP, BOY,
AND TELL ME YOUR NAME.
- KREBS, SIR, MAYNARD G. SIR.
- IS THAT YOUR TRUCK OUTSIDE?
- YES, SIR.
- WELL, YOU'RE
GONNA GET YOURSELF
A LITTLE PARKING TICKET, KREBS.
ORDINANCE 208.
ILLEGAL OVERTIME PARKING IN
A FIVE-MINUTE LOADING ZONE.
YOU DELIVERY BOYS HAVE BEEN
GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER.
YOU THINK ALL WE GOT TO DO IS...
HEY.
- OHH...
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH. WE'RE WANTED
CRIMINALS, SHH.
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
WHAT DID THE PRINCE SAY
WHEN YOU GAVE HIS
LION BACK TO HIM?
- WELL, NOT MUCH, DOBE.
- OH, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
- IT'S EASY. I DIDN'T GIVE
HIS LION BACK TO HIM.
HE WAS STILL MISSING.
- [GROWL]
- MAYNARD, GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
- WHY, IS YOUR FATHER AROUND?
- NO, HE WENT TO
A LODGE MEETING.
BUT WE CAN'T KEEP
THAT ANIMAL IN HERE.
- SURE WE CAN. HE'S GOT
A VERY SMALL APPETITE,
FOR A LION.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
- NOW, WE...
- [GROWL]
- GET HIM OUT OF HERE. HIDE HIM.
- WHERE YOU GONNA HIDE A LION?
- THE TRUCK.
- IT'S TOO LATE.
- UH, THE FREEZER.
- YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY PICTURE.
- YEAH, JUST, UH, DOING
A LITTLE DUSTING, DAD.
- WELL, IT'S DUSTIER DOWN HERE.
GET A BROOM, WHY DON'T YOU?
- DAD, I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO
AN IMPORTANT LODGE MEETING.
- IT WAS A VERY SHORT MEETING.
SOME LUNKHEAD FORGOT
TO BRING THE CARDS.
- OH, DAD.
- GET OUT OF MY WAY, WILL YA?
- ANYTHING I CAN
GET YOU, MR. GILLIS?
- YES, THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN GET ME.
YOU CAN GET OUT OF MY WAY.
- DAD.
- DOWN AT THE MEETING,
I MEET THIS OGILVY,
THE MEAT PACKER,
AND I'M GONNA TAKE
SOME OF THAT THIRD-GRADE
MEAT HE'S BEEN PALMING OFF ON ME
AND SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT.
- MEAT?
- LIKE IN THE FREEZER?
- WELL, IT AIN'T, LIKE,
IN A VEGETABLE BIN.
- DAD, DAD, WAIT.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[DOOR SLAMS]
- [LION ROARS]
- WINNIE!
[CRUNCHING, GULPING]
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
- HEY, DAD?
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- HEY, UH, BUSTER,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
IS TAKING HIM SO LONG IN THERE?
- HIS RADIANCE HAS BEEN DOING
EXTENSIVE SOCIOLOGICAL RESEARCH
DURING HIS TRIP.
HE HAS JUST RETURNED
TO THE HOTEL.
- WELL, I HOPE THEY DON'T
GO TOO HARD ON THEM.
AFTER ALL, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE NOT BAD BOYS.
THAT IS, THEY'RE
NOT BAD, BAD BOYS.
- YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE
NO PAUL REVERES, EITHER.
- DO YOU REALIZE THESE BOYS
HAVE JUST RUINED A TREATY
THAT WE'VE WORKED
ON FOR FIVE YEARS?
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK THEY'LL DO TO THEM?
- THAT'S FOR HIS IMPERIAL
RADIANCE TO DECIDE.
IT'S HIS LION.
- AND THEY DON'T CALL HIM
PRINCE DUMAFAN THE
AVENGER FOR NOTHING.
[CLANGING]
- HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN,
PEARL OF THE ORIENT,
AVENGER OF THE EAST,
O PEARL OF THE AUDIENCE,
THY WILL SHALL BE DONE.
- THE IMP.
- THE IMP?
- YEAH, THE FAR-OUT BONGO PLAYER
FROM THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
- WHAT SAY YOU, SIRE, O
NOBLE AVENGER OF THE EAST?
- THE ONE WITH THE
BEARD IS A COOL CAT.
SO LEAVE HIM AND
HIS FRIENDS ALONE.
- AS YOU SAY, RADIANCE.
- OH, YES. WHILE WE'RE AT IT,
WE MIGHT AS WELL SIGN
THAT OLD OIL TREATY, TOO.
- YOUR WISH IS MY
COMMAND, RADIANCE.
- LIKE, UH, OO-BABA-DO
AND OO-BABA-DI,
I PLAYED IT COOL WITH YOU,
LIKE, NOW, MAN, DON'T
COP OUT ON ME, HUH?
- WELL, EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT FINE.
THE LION, WELL, HE'S ON
HIS WAY BACK TO AMBODIA.
THE IMP, UH, THAT IS,
HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PROMISED MAYNARD
THEY'D LET THE LION
LOOSE IN HIS OWN JUNGLE.
THE WASHINGTON BOYS,
WELL, THEY GOT
THEIR OIL CONTRACT.
ME, I GOT THE KEYS TO
TRUCK TAKEN AWAY FROM ME
FOR LETTING MAYNARD USE IT.
AND MAYNARD, WHAT DID HE GET?
WELL, HE GOT A
LIKING FOR GOAT'S MILK,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- BOY HE WAS A
ROUGH ONE TO HANDLE,
A REAL MAN-EATER.
EVERY TIME I GOT NEAR HIM.
YOU KNOW YOU JUST WOULDN'T
THINK A LION COULD THINK LIKE THAT.
- REMEMBER, THIS SACRED LION
IS A GIFT FROM MY PRINCE
FOR THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA.
HE MUST BE WELL CARED FOR.
- [LION ROARING]
- YOU RANG?
- [ROARING CONTINUES]
- MAN, SOMEBODY SURE
NEEDS A NEW TRANSMISSION.
- [ROARING]
- HEY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
THE ZOO, IT'S BACK THAT WAY.
TURN LEFT AT THE
DRINKING FOUNTAIN.
HEY. HEY.
HEY, YOU MUST BE, LIKE, A
LION OR SOMETHING, HUH?
HUH?
YEAH, OR A TALL CAT.
YEAH, OH, NO, WITH THAT
HAIRDO, YOU MUST BE, LIKE, A LION.
YEAH, OH, I'VE SEEN YOU
ON THE LATE, LATE
SHOW ON TV LAST NIGHT.
- [ROAR]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- YEAH, OH, YOU'RE
A GOOD LION, YEAH.
A LION, YEAH.
- [BELL CLANGS]
- UH-OH!
THERE'S THE FIVE-MINUTE BELL.
HEY, I GOTTA CUT OUT.
KEEP SMILING, LION.
YEAH, GOODBYE.
[SCATTING]
- [LION GROWLING QUIETLY]
- MY FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS
HAS ONE AMAZING QUALITY
THAT SETS HIM APART
FROM ORDINARY PEOPLE.
IS HE HANDSOME? NO.
RICH? UH-UH.
BRILLIANT? MAYNARD?
BUT HE IS ORIGINAL. YOU'VE
GOT TO GIVE HIM THAT.
I MEAN, HIS HEAD CAN COME UP
WITH THE WILDEST, MOST
FANTASTIC STORIES YOU EVER HEARD,
ESPECIALLY IF HE HAS TO.
LIKE, WHEN HE GETS IN
TROUBLE AND NEEDS AN EXCUSE.
BOY, THOSE EXCUSES.
- STEP ON IT, MAYNARD,
YOU'RE LATE AGAIN.
- I COULDN'T HELP IT. I
WAS WALKING ALONG
MINDING, LIKE, MY
OWN BUSINESS, AND...
- MAYNARD, PLEASE
I HAVEN'T GOT TIME
TO HEAR ANOTHER ONE OF
YOUR HAREBRAINED EXCUSES.
- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS ONE.
IT'S A LULU, AND THE
TRUTH, A TRUE LULU.
- MAYNARD, COME ON TO CLASS.
- WAIT, DOBE, I...
- MAYNARD.
- I WAS ANKLING
ALONG IN THE PARK
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
WHEN ALL OF SUDDEN THIS...
- I KNOW, I KNOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THIS PINK AND WHITE
GIRAFFE TROTTED IN
AND YOU HAD TO
STOP TO SHAKE HANDS.
- DOBE, THAT'S SILLY.
WHO EVER HEARD OF
A GIRAFFE IN A PARK?
- I'M GLAD YOU REALIZE IT.
- SURE, I DIDN'T SEE NO GIRAFFE.
- I BELIEVE YOU.
- IT WAS A LION.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- [ROAR]
- LIKE, HI. HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
NO, NO. NO, YOU
CAN'T COME IN HERE.
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION
GOT RULES ABOUT IT.
NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO GO TO
CLASS UNLESS HE'S REGISTERED.
- [GROANING]
- OH, I KNOW, YOU'RE,
LIKE, LONESOME.
BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
OUT THERE IN THE JUNGLE
TILL SCHOOL'S OUT.
I'LL DIG YOU LATER.
- [GIRLS SCREAMING]
[BAND PLAYING "TIGER RAG"]
- HEY, WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
[SIREN APPROACHING]
YOU SEE ANYBODY?
- "YOUNG HERO
CAPTURES WILD BEAST."
THAT'S MAYNARD.
UH, THE HERO, NOT
THE WILD BEAST.
"MAYNARD G. KREBS,
CENTRAL HIGH STUDENT
"WILL BE REWARDED TODAY
"BY THE FABULOUSLY
WEALTHY ORIENTAL POTENTATE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN OF AMBODIA."
"WHEN INTERVIEWED, YOUNG
KREBS' ONLY COMMENT WAS..."
- LIKE, WOW.
- IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?
- LIKE WOW, WOW.
HEY, DOBE, YOU THINK MAYBE
I'LL GET A REWARD OF $5.00, HUH?
- $5.00?
- $2.00.
- MAYNARD.
- 75 CENTS.
- LISTEN, MAYNARD,
WHY DO YOU THINK
I'M GIVING UP MY WHOLE AFTERNOON
TO COME ALONG WITH YOU?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBE.
- RIGHT, BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THAT.
YOU'LL NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP
YOU CARRY ALL THE STUFF HOME.
- WHAT STUFF?
- WHO KNOWS?
RUBIES.
- RUBIES?
- EMERALDS.
- EMERALDS?
- DIAMONDS.
- DIAMONDS?
- PALACES.
- PALACES?
- WHEN YOU FIND AN ORIENTAL
POTENTATE'S PET LION,
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW
BIG A REWARD YOU MIGHT GET.
- RUBIES, DIAMONDS,
EMERALDS, PALACES, WOW.
- YEAH, COME ON,
LET'S GO, MAYNARD.
- HEY, DOBE, MAYBE WE
SHOULD HAVE BRUNG A BAG?
- LIKE, GREETINGS,
COULD YOU HIP HIS ROYAL
LORDSHIP THAT WE'RE HERE...
- MAYNARD, PLEASE.
KINDLY INFORM HIS RADIANCE
THAT HIS GUESTS MAYNARD G.
KREBS AND DOBIE GILLIS AWAIT,
TREMBLING, LEST THEY BE
BLINDED BY HIS IMPERIAL SPLENDOR.
- IT SHALL BE DONE,
PLEASE, ENTER.
- OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- HEY, DOBE, WHAT IS IT
WITH ALL THAT BOWING
AND IMPERIAL SPLENDOR AND
HIS RADIANCE AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- I'VE BEEN STUDYING UP ON IT.
- YEAH, YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN YOU MIGHT MEET
GRACE KELLY OR DUKE SNYDER.
- I AM MR. HUGGINS
OF WASHINGTON.
- OH.
- THIS IS MR. HARGROVE.
UH, WHICH ONE IS GREGS?
- UH, KREBS, MAYNARD G.
- OH, EXCELLENT, A FINE
YOUNG MAN LIKE YOU
IS CERTAIN TO MAKE A
FAVORABLE IMPRESSION...
- HOLD IT A MINUTE, DAD.
I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- YEAH.
- WE COULD ALWAYS SAY
HE GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR
AND COULDN'T MAKE IT.
- OH, DEAR.
- WELL, WHAT ARE
WE WORRYING ABOUT?
I'M SURE WHEN THIS
YOUNG MAN REALIZES
THE SERIOUSNESS
OF THE SITUATION,
HE'LL BE A CREDIT
TO HIS COUNTRY.
BESIDES, HE'S ALREADY
BEEN ANNOUNCED.
- PERHAPS WE SHOULD FILL THEM IN
BEFORE THEY MEET THE WAZIR.
- WAZIR?
- UH, YES, PRINCE
DUMAFAN'S CHIEF OF STAFF,
PRIME MINISTER,
AND AIDE DE CAMP.
- OH, THREE WAZIRS.
- MAYNARD.
- PRINCE DUMAFAN IS BUSY
ON A SOCIOLOGICAL SURVEY
OF AMERICAN CULTURE.
HIS EXCELLENCY, THE GRAND WAZIR,
WILL MAKE THE PRESENTATION.
- THEY'VE COME TO THIS
COUNTRY TO SIGN AN OIL TREATY,
AND FRANKLY, THE AFFAIR
HAS REACHED A CRITICAL STAGE.
[CLANG]
- HIS EXCELLENCY, THE
GRAND WAZIR OF AMBODIA,
ABDUL ALI HAKEEM.
- Both: YOUR EXCELLENCY.
- THE CEREMONIAL GRISAK.
AH-CHOO!
- GOD BLESS YOU.
- IMMEDIATELY.
- AT ONCE, O NOBLE WAZIR.
IT WAS CONSIDERED GRAVE
INSULT TO MY COUNTRY
WHEN SACRED LION
WAS ALLOWED TO ESCAPE.
HOWEVER, BRAVE BOY WIPE OUT
INSULT AND SHALL BE REWARDED.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU
BRAVE BOYS FOUND LION?
- YOUNG DREGS HERE.
- KREBS.
- LIKE, HI, WAZ, THIS IS
MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE.
HE HELPED, TOO.
- IS GOOD.
STEP FORWARD, BOTH OF YOU.
FIRST WE DRINK A TOAST
TO HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN,
PEARL OF THE ORIENT,
AVENGER OF THE EAST.
- WELL, I'M SORRY,
SIR, BUT MY FATHER
DOESN'T ALLOW ME TO
DRINK ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.
- MINE, NEITHER.
- OH, IT'S NOT ALCOHOL.
IT'S NATIVE DRINK OF AMBODIA.
GRIZAK, WHAT YOU
WOULD CALL, UM, MILK.
- OH.
- IS GOOD, HONEST GOAT'S MILK,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR.
AND NOW, DEAR BOY,
I GIVE YOU HIGHEST
HONOR OF AMBODIA,
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER.
WITH THIS ORDER COMES
SEVERAL CEREMONIAL GIFTS
SYMBOLIC OF HIS
RADIANCE'S GRATITUDE.
THE FIRST WILL BE A
POT OF RED RU... RU...
- RUBIES.
- ARUBA FROM ROYAL GARDEN.
ALSO A BOX OF EMA... EMA...
- EMERALDS.
- EMAVELOPES AND STATIONERY
FROM THE ROYAL STATIONERY STORE.
AND FINALLY YOU WILL BE GIVEN
ONE DOZEN VERY LARGE DIA...
- WE KNOW. DIAPERS FROM
ROYAL DIAPER SERVICE.
AH-CHOO!
- NO, DIAMONDS.
- Both: DIAMONDS?
- YES,
AS SOON AS THEY ARE
DISCOVERED IN AMBODIA.
SO FAR WE HAVE BEEN
DIGGING FOR 900 YEARS.
NO LUCK, BUT VERY SHORTLY.
CONGRATULATIONS, MY BOY.
WE SHALL MEET AGAIN
TOMORROW AT THE ZOO
AT WHICH TIME, HIS
IMPERIAL RADIANCE
SHALL PRESENT SACRED
LION TO YOUR CITY.
THAT IS, OF COURSE, IF, UH,
NO ONE ALLOWS LION TO ESCAPE,
IN WHICH NO PRESENTATION,
NO OIL TREATY, NO NOTHING.
- WELL, I'M SURE THERE
WILL BE NO FURTHER TROUBLE
WITH THE LION, YOUR EXCELLENCY.
- IS BETTER NOT BE.
WAIT, ALMOST FORGOT.
IS ONE MORE GIFT
THAT COMES ALONG WITH
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER,
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.
- I KNEW IT. HE WAS
SAVING IT FOR LAST.
- WHOEVER HOLDS
ORDER OF GOLDEN DIPPER
ENTITLED TO ALL FREE,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR
GOAT'S MILK HE CAN DRINK.
FOREVER.
AH-CHOO!
- GOD BLESS YOU.
- HEY, LION, HEY, IT'S ME,
YOUR OLD BUDDY
MAYNARD FROM THE PARK.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
A CAGED-UP LION.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU
ARE, A CAGED-UP LION.
BOY, JAILSVILLE,
ALL COOPED UP WITH
PEOPLE STARING AT YOU.
NO MORE RUNNING.
NO MORE JUMPING.
NO MORE HACKING
AROUND THE WATER HOLE
WITH THEM OTHER LIONS.
YEAH, IF I WAS YOU,
I'D BE PRETTY MUCH
DOWN IN THE DUMPS, TOO.
I HAD A DUCK ONCE AND HE DIDN'T
LIKE TO BE LOCKED UP EITHER.
SO I LET HIM GO,
AND A BABY ALLIGATOR,
AND A CHIPMUNK.
THEY ALL GOT LET GO.
SO HOW COME YOU DON'T?
WELL, YOU AIN'T GONNA STAY
PENNED UP IN THERE NO MORE,
YOU HEAR? NO, SIR.
ANY FRIEND OF MAYNARD G. KREBS
OUGHT TO BE AS FREE AS
A BIRD, EVEN IF HE'S A LION.
- MAYNARD, DOES HE REMEMBER YOU?
- NO, I THINK HE'S, LIKE,
TRYING TO FORGET ME.
- OH.
- HEY, DOBE, I GOT AN IDEA.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD IT YET.
- I DON'T HAVE TO. I
KNOW YOUR IDEAS.
- NO, LISTEN, HAVE
YOU EVER THOUGHT
ABOUT HAVING A
LITTLE PET, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, ONE YOU AND I
COULD GO PARTNERS ON?
- WHAT KIND OF A PET?
- OH, YOU KNOW,
LIKE A LITTLE DOG
OR A CAT OR A
CHIPMUNK OR A DUCK.
- OR A LION?
- GOOD THINKING.
YEAH, IF YOU WANT
A LION FOR A PET,
WE CAN KEEP IT IN MY ROOM.
MY FOLKS HAVEN'T BEEN
UP THERE FOR YEARS.
- MAYNARD, PEOPLE JUST DON'T
GO AROUND STEALING LIONS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE GIFTS
FROM THE PRINCE OF AMBODIA.
- BUT IT'S SUCH A
VERY UNHAPPY LION
ALL SCRUNCHED UP IN
THAT LITTLE BITTY CAGE.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S AN
ABSURD, IMPOSSIBLE,
FANTASTIC, RIDICULOUS NOTION.
- NO, DON'T BE BASHFUL.
JUST COME RIGHT OUT
AND SAY YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
- YOU DON'T?
- NO, NO. MAYNARD,
PLEASE, PLEASE,
JUST FORGET ABOUT
THE LION, OKAY?
- HEY, DOBE,
CAN I BORROW YOUR
FATHER'S TRUCK TONIGHT?
- WHAT FOR?
- IT'S, LIKE, AN EMERGENCY.
- AN EMERGENCY?
- MY HI-FI'S BROKE.
- OH. OH, YEAH. SURE, MAYNARD.
THE, UH, THE KEY'S
UNDER THE FLOOR MAT.
- THANKS, DOBE, YOU'RE,
LIKE, A REAL HUMAN BEING.
- YEAH, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- [ROARING]
- GIVE ME THE POLICE.
YES, THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT, QUICK.
HELLO? HELLO? THIS
IS HERBERT T. GILLIS
OF THE GILLIS GROCERY STORE,
AND I WANT TO REPORT
A STOLEN TRUCK.
SURE, I'M SURE.
I JUST WENT OUT
THERE IN THE ALLEY,
RIGHT OUT THERE
WHERE I ALWAYS KEEP IT,
AND IT'S STARK EMPTY.
THE ALLEY! HOW DO I
KNOW WITH THE TRUCK?
THE TRUCK ISN'T THERE.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I AM A TAXPAYER AND A VETERAN,
WITH THE GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL...
- TRUCK? DAD...
- AND I DEMAND THAT...
- DAD, DAD.
UH, DID YOU SAY TRUCK?
- OH, I SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THAT.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE TRUCK?
- HUH? WELL, I, UH...
- "HUH? WELL,"
OH, JUST A MINUTE,
I'LL CALL BACK.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN INSIDE JOB.
- ALL RIGHT, BOY. OUT WITH IT.
HOW MANY FENDERS DID YOU SMASH?
HOW MANY DOORS DID YOU RIP OFF?
- OH, NO, NO, DAD,
IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.
I, UH, UH...
- YOU, UH...
I-UH, OOH-UH, WHAT?
- LIKE, HI, MR. GILLIS,
SMOOTH-LOOKING TRUCK
YOU GOT OUT THERE.
- TRUCK? WHERE?
- WHERE? WHERE?
- LIKE, THERE, THERE.
- MAYNARD, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN WITH THE TRUCK?
YOU ALMOST GOT ME INTO TROUBLE.
- I GOT A CONFESSION, DOBE.
MY HI-FI IS ALL RIGHT, AT
LEAST IT WAS LAST NIGHT.
IT'S KIND OF SQUASHED NOW.
- SQUASHED?
- YEAH, JUST WHERE
THE LION SAT ON IT.
- THE LION?
- YEAH, MY ROOM IS
A LITTLE CROWDED,
SO I KIND OF, LIKE,
HAD TO CHANGE PLANS.
- MAYNARD.
- YEAH, ME AND THE LION,
WE'VE BEEN DRIVING
AROUND ALL NIGHT.
- MAYNARD, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU AND THE
LION... IN THE TRUCK?
- MM-HMM.
- DAD.
- DOBIE, COME HERE QUICK.
- DAD, WAIT.
- WAIT, WHAT?
THIS IS A RUSH ORDER. OPEN
THE TRUCK DOOR FOR ME.
- YEAH, LET ME HAVE
THOSE BOXES, DAD.
YOU GO IN AND TAKE A NICE NAP.
- A NAP?
IT'S ONLY 8:30 IN THE MORNING.
- WELL, IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO
TAKE A NAP BEFORE YOU GET TIRED.
- YOU ARE SICK, BOY,
NOW STOP YAMMERING
AND OPEN THE TRUCK DOOR.
- OH, THE DOOR'S, LIKE
NEW, MR. GILLIS, SEE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU CHARACTERS? LOOK OUT.
DO I HAVE TO DO
EVERYTHING MYSELF.
- DAD.
- LET GO OF ME, DOBIE,
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS...
- DAD.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
HAVE YOU FLIPPED YOUR
TROLLIES OR SOMETHING?
I'M TRYING TO GET
GROCERIES DELIVERED.
- DAD, I'M ONLY TRYING
TO SAVE WEAR AND TEAR
ON YOUR POOR OLD
BACK. COME ON, MAYNARD,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THESE
UP IN FRONT? GOODBYE, DAD.
- YEAH, LIKE,
BYE-BYE, MR. GILLIS.
- 8:30, AND I'M A NERVOUS
WRECK ALREADY.
WELL, IT'S TOO CHILLY TO STAND
AROUND HERE WORRYING ABOUT IT.
- COME ON, MAYNARD.
[BELL DINGS, COIN DROPS]
[DIALING]
- WHAT AM I GONNA SAY,
DOBE? I'M, LIKE, SCARED.
- JUST GET PRINCE
DUMAFAN ON THE PHONE
AND TELL HIM
YOU'VE GOT HIS LION.
- THEY'RE RINGING.
- JUST CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
- CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
- YEAH, YEAH,
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- CONFESS THE
WHOLE THING CALMLY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH.
- CALMLY. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- HELLO?
- LIKE, PLEASE DON'T LOCK ME UP.
I'M INNOCENT.
- MAYNARD!
COME ON, MAYNARD.
- HELLO, HELLO?
- THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- AH, YES, MR. KREBS.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- ASK TO SPEAK TO HIS RADIANCE.
- COULD I SPEAK TO HIS RADIATOR?
- MAYNARD, RADIANCE, RADIANCE.
- RADIANCE, RADIANCE.
- I'M SORRY, MR. KREBS,
HIS RADIANCE IS STILL BUSY
WITH HIS SOCIOLOGICAL SURVEY.
MAY I BE OF SERVICE?
- COULD I SPEAK
TO THE WAZIR THEN?
- HIS EXCELLENCY THE WAZIR
WILL NOT RETURN UNTIL NOON.
HE IS OUT WALKING
THE ROYAL POODLES.
- I'LL CALL HIM
BACK, LIKE, LATER.
HE WON'T BE BACK TILL NOON.
- OH.
- YOUR TRUCK?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH.
- WELL, GET IT OUTTA HERE!
IT'S IN A LOADING ZONE.
- YES, SIR.
YES, SIR.
- NOW WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, DOBE?
- YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE, MAYNARD.
IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, I TOLD
YOU A THOUSAND TIMES,
- Both: GET RID OF THE LION.
- YEAH.
- OKAY, GOOD BUDDY.
- GOOD LUCK, MAYNARD.
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH, LION, I'M THINKING.
I GOTTA FIND A PLACE TO HIDE YOU
TILL THAT PRINCE CAT GETS BACK.
BUT WHERE?
OOH, I KNOW, I'LL CALL
ZELDA. SHE'LL KNOW WHERE.
OOH, YEAH. CALL ZELDA.
[BELL DINGS, COIN DROPS]
[DIALING]
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH!
- HI, MAN, WHAT'S THE SCENE?
- LIKE, HI, RIFF. WHAT WERE YOU
DOING IN THAT PHONE BOOTH?
- THAT'S NO PHONE BOOTH.
THAT'S, LIKE, THE FRONT DOOR
TO OUR FAR-OUT COFFEE HOUSE.
- THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- WHAT ELSE?
- MAN, LIKE, IT'S
PRETTY SMALL, RIFF.
- DIG.
- OH, CRAZY.
- GET THE PICTURE.
YOU GOT CREDITORS,
YOU GOT TO PLAY IT
COOL? BE MY GUEST.
- YEAH, WELL, I GOT, LIKE,
A FRIEND ALONG, RIFF.
- CUCKOO, ANY CHUM OF YOURS
WILL NEVER BE LEFT OUTSIDE
AT THE INSIDE OF THE OUTSIDE.
- WELL, MAYBE I
SHOULDN'T MENTION
BUT MY FRIEND'S, LIKE, A
LION, YOU KNOW? RAHHRRR!
- LOOK, MAN, I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE DOES FOR A LIVING,
JUST SO LONG AS HE'S A CAT.
- YEAH, CRAZY, OKAY.
- LOOK, LIKE, ALIVE, PRUDENCE,
THERE'S CUSTOMERS COMING.
- COOL.
- [LOW GROWL]
[LOUDER GROWL]
- TABLE FOR TWO?
- MM-HMM.
- MAN, THIS CAFFEINE
SCENE'S A PROFOUND GAS.
A TABLE FOR TWO, HUH.
OF COURSE, IT GETS
A LITTLE MIXED UP
DURING THESE THREE-DAY SESSIONS.
CIGARS, CIGARETTES? CATNIP?
LIKE, NO THANKS.
- HERE YOU ARE, NICE
QUIET TABLE FOR TWO,
SOMETHING NOT TOO
NEAR THE ORCHESTRA,
- YEAH.
- GOT YOU COVERED.
[JAZZ PLAYING QUIETLY]
HOW'S THIS? NICE QUIET DEUCE.
[BONGOS IMPROVISE]
- HEY, THAT'S A REAL COOL BONGO.
- THE IMP? YEAH, HE SWINGS.
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
YOU WANT, JUST GROWL.
- SEE, LION? WE'RE HOME FREE.
- [MELLOW ROAR]
- SHH.
- All: SHH.
- UH, LIKE EXCUSE ME, CATS.
- WHAT GIVES, DADDY-O?
- I DON'T WANT TO BUG
YOU, BUT THAT CAT'S HOT.
YOU GOTTA MAKE LIKE MANDRAKE.
- LIKE, WHY?
- LIKE FRIEND LEO
FROM LIONSVILLE,
HE'S, LIKE, WANTED.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE POSSE TIME, I
MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S A DEFINITE SPLIT.
- LIKE, I DON'T DIG.
- LIKE, READ.
- "SACRED LION STOLEN FROM ZOO."
LIKE, "THIEF HUNTED."
IT'S, LIKE, "INTERNATIONAL
INCIDENT THREATENED,"
LIKE, "ENTIRE POLICE
FORCE ALERTED."
- LIKE, "AUTHORITIES PROMISE
"QUICK AND MERCILESS
PUNISHMENT TO THE CULPRITS,
WHOEVER THEY MAY BE."
- MAN, LIKE, THE
FAT'S IN THE FIRE.
- YEAH, AND FUZZ
IS IN THE FOYER.
- THE POLICE?
- THE BOYS IN BLUE.
- RIFF, IS THERE ANOTHER
WAY OUT OF THIS PAD?
- OH, YOU CATS COOL IT.
WE'LL, LIKE, HEAD
'EM OFF AT PASS.
COME ON, TONTO.
- ALL RIGHT, WHO LEFT THAT
DELIVERY TRUCK OUT THERE?
- LIKE, WHAT DELIVERY TRUCK?
- CIGARS, CIGARETTES?
- NO, THANK YOU.
- THE ONE IN THE ALLEY.
- LIKE, WHAT ALLEY?
- LIKE, THE ALLEY OUTSIDE.
- OH, MAN. THIS IS THE
INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
WE AIN'T GOT NO OUTSIDE HERE
AT THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- LIKE, MAN, NO.
- LIKE, OUT OF MY WAY.
YOU, WITH THE FURRY CHIN.
- ME, SIR?
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- MY... MY NAME, SIR?
- YEAH, YOUR NAME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- ME, SIR? NOTHING, SIR.
- WELL, THEN SIT UP, BOY,
AND TELL ME YOUR NAME.
- KREBS, SIR, MAYNARD G. SIR.
- IS THAT YOUR TRUCK OUTSIDE?
- YES, SIR.
- WELL, YOU'RE
GONNA GET YOURSELF
A LITTLE PARKING TICKET, KREBS.
ORDINANCE 208.
ILLEGAL OVERTIME PARKING IN
A FIVE-MINUTE LOADING ZONE.
YOU DELIVERY BOYS HAVE BEEN
GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER.
YOU THINK ALL WE GOT TO DO IS...
HEY.
- OHH...
- [LION ROARS]
- SHH. WE'RE WANTED
CRIMINALS, SHH.
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
WHAT DID THE PRINCE SAY
WHEN YOU GAVE HIS
LION BACK TO HIM?
- WELL, NOT MUCH, DOBE.
- OH, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
- IT'S EASY. I DIDN'T GIVE
HIS LION BACK TO HIM.
HE WAS STILL MISSING.
- [GROWL]
- MAYNARD, GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
- WHY, IS YOUR FATHER AROUND?
- NO, HE WENT TO
A LODGE MEETING.
BUT WE CAN'T KEEP
THAT ANIMAL IN HERE.
- SURE WE CAN. HE'S GOT
A VERY SMALL APPETITE,
FOR A LION.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
- NOW, WE...
- [GROWL]
- GET HIM OUT OF HERE. HIDE HIM.
- WHERE YOU GONNA HIDE A LION?
- THE TRUCK.
- IT'S TOO LATE.
- UH, THE FREEZER.
- YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY PICTURE.
- YEAH, JUST, UH, DOING
A LITTLE DUSTING, DAD.
- WELL, IT'S DUSTIER DOWN HERE.
GET A BROOM, WHY DON'T YOU?
- DAD, I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO
AN IMPORTANT LODGE MEETING.
- IT WAS A VERY SHORT MEETING.
SOME LUNKHEAD FORGOT
TO BRING THE CARDS.
- OH, DAD.
- GET OUT OF MY WAY, WILL YA?
- ANYTHING I CAN
GET YOU, MR. GILLIS?
- YES, THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN GET ME.
YOU CAN GET OUT OF MY WAY.
- DAD.
- DOWN AT THE MEETING,
I MEET THIS OGILVY,
THE MEAT PACKER,
AND I'M GONNA TAKE
SOME OF THAT THIRD-GRADE
MEAT HE'S BEEN PALMING OFF ON ME
AND SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT.
- MEAT?
- LIKE IN THE FREEZER?
- WELL, IT AIN'T, LIKE,
IN A VEGETABLE BIN.
- DAD, DAD, WAIT.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[DOOR SLAMS]
- [LION ROARS]
- WINNIE!
[CRUNCHING, GULPING]
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
- HEY, DAD?
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- HEY, UH, BUSTER,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
IS TAKING HIM SO LONG IN THERE?
- HIS RADIANCE HAS BEEN DOING
EXTENSIVE SOCIOLOGICAL RESEARCH
DURING HIS TRIP.
HE HAS JUST RETURNED
TO THE HOTEL.
- WELL, I HOPE THEY DON'T
GO TOO HARD ON THEM.
AFTER ALL, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE NOT BAD BOYS.
THAT IS, THEY'RE
NOT BAD, BAD BOYS.
- YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE
NO PAUL REVERES, EITHER.
- DO YOU REALIZE THESE BOYS
HAVE JUST RUINED A TREATY
THAT WE'VE WORKED
ON FOR FIVE YEARS?
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK THEY'LL DO TO THEM?
- THAT'S FOR HIS IMPERIAL
RADIANCE TO DECIDE.
IT'S HIS LION.
- AND THEY DON'T CALL HIM
PRINCE DUMAFAN THE
AVENGER FOR NOTHING.
[CLANGING]
- HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PRINCE DUMAFAN,
PEARL OF THE ORIENT,
AVENGER OF THE EAST,
O PEARL OF THE AUDIENCE,
THY WILL SHALL BE DONE.
- THE IMP.
- THE IMP?
- YEAH, THE FAR-OUT BONGO PLAYER
FROM THE INSIDE AT THE OUTSIDE.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
- WHAT SAY YOU, SIRE, O
NOBLE AVENGER OF THE EAST?
- THE ONE WITH THE
BEARD IS A COOL CAT.
SO LEAVE HIM AND
HIS FRIENDS ALONE.
- AS YOU SAY, RADIANCE.
- OH, YES. WHILE WE'RE AT IT,
WE MIGHT AS WELL SIGN
THAT OLD OIL TREATY, TOO.
- YOUR WISH IS MY
COMMAND, RADIANCE.
- LIKE, UH, OO-BABA-DO
AND OO-BABA-DI,
I PLAYED IT COOL WITH YOU,
LIKE, NOW, MAN, DON'T
COP OUT ON ME, HUH?
- WELL, EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT FINE.
THE LION, WELL, HE'S ON
HIS WAY BACK TO AMBODIA.
THE IMP, UH, THAT IS,
HIS IMPERIAL RADIANCE,
PROMISED MAYNARD
THEY'D LET THE LION
LOOSE IN HIS OWN JUNGLE.
THE WASHINGTON BOYS,
WELL, THEY GOT
THEIR OIL CONTRACT.
ME, I GOT THE KEYS TO
TRUCK TAKEN AWAY FROM ME
FOR LETTING MAYNARD USE IT.
AND MAYNARD, WHAT DID HE GET?
WELL, HE GOT A
LIKING FOR GOAT'S MILK,
SLIGHTLY AGED FOR FLAVOR.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪