The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 22 - Love Is a Fallacy - full transcript
Thalia attempts to teach Dobie the art of thinking, Maynard thumps out a jazz beat to "cogito ergo sum" on his school desk and new girl Whitney threatens to shake up the status quo.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- MY FEELINGS ABOUT
THALIA MENNINGER
ARE ALL MIXED UP.
SOMETIMES I FEEL ONE WAY,
SOMETIMES I FEEL ANOTHER.
SOMETIMES I FEEL
BOTH WAYS AT ONCE.
LIKE I SAY, MY FEELINGS
ARE ALL MIXED UP.
THALIA MENNINGER'S
FEELINGS ABOUT ME,
ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE
CLEAR. CRYSTAL CLEAR.
- DOBIE GILLIS, I HATE YOU.
- THALIA, YOU CAN'T MEAN IT.
- I CERTAINLY DO. I HATE YOU.
- BUT WHY?
- BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
- I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
- WHY, IT MAKES ALL
THE SENSE IN THE WORLD.
NOW, WHAT DO I WANT
MOST OUT OF LIFE?
- MONEY.
- ALL RIGHT, SMART APPLE.
- SOMEHOW THIS IS
GOING TO GET AROUND
TO YOUR FATHER'S
KIDNEY CONDITION, I FEEL IT.
- WELL, LISTEN. MY
FATHER WORKED HARD
TO MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL.
LET'S TAKE BRACES, FOR INSTANCE.
- BY ALL MEANS,
LET'S TAKE BRACES.
- NOW, LOOK AT THIS SMILE.
- GORGEOUS.
- TRUE. GORGEOUS.
WHY, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
MONEY MY FATHER SPENT TO PUT BRACES
ON MY TEETH SO I COULD
HAVE A GORGEOUS SMILE?
- HUH-UH.
- OH, A FORTUNE.
- BUT WORTH EVERY PENNY.
- NOW, LOOK, DOBIE,
IN ALL CONSCIENCE,
HOW CAN I USE BEAUTIFUL
EXPENSIVE TEETH
LIKE THESE TO CAPTURE
A PAUPER LIKE YOU?
I MEAN, WHY, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
THE BAIT IS WORTH
MORE THAN THE FISH.
- BAIT? FISH?
THALIA, I'M STILL A
LITTLE CONFUSED.
- WELL, YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE A LITTLE CONFUSED,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE A PAUPER.
TO GET RICH YOU NEED
A QUICK, SHARP MIND,
AND WELL, YOU'RE ALL
MUDDLED AND MIXED UP
AND CONFUSED,
CONFUSED, CONFUSED.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- AND THAT'S WHY I HATE YOU.
OH, IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU, OH,
I'D BE GOING WITH SOMEONE
WITH A BRILLIANT FUTURE.
SOMEONE WHO'D
REPRESENT A FAIR RETURN
ON ALL THE MONEY INVESTED
IN THESE TEETH AND
HEAD AND THIS BODY.
- TOUGH, THALIA, BUT
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WE'RE STUCK FOR EACH OTHER.
- YOU'RE STUCK, BUSTER.
I'M PACKING YOU IN.
- THALIA, IF YOU GIVE
ME BACK THAT HI-WI PIN
ONCE MORE, YOU'RE
GOING TO BREAK THE CATCH,
AND WHERE AM I GOING
TO GET THE MONEY TO FIX IT
SO YOU CAN PUT IT
ON AGAIN TOMORROW
WHEN YOU TAKE IT BACK?
- NOW, I TOLD YOU, DOBIE,
WE ARE THROUGH,
FOREVER. GOODBYE.
- THALIA!
THALIA, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
YOU'RE KIDDING, AREN'T YOU?
THALIA?
YEP, SHE DID IT.
SHE BROKE THE CATCH.
[ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD!
MAYNARD, WHERE DO YOU
GO WHEN YOU TAKE OFF
ON THESE STRANGE
FLIGHTS OF YOURS?
- OUT, MAN. FAR OUT.
- BELIEVE ME, MAYNARD,
THERE'S NOTHING I'D LIKE
BETTER THAN TO LEAVE YOU THERE,
BUT I'M AFRAID THE LAW
REQUIRES YOU TO BE HERE
DURING SCHOOL HOURS.
- WELL, THOSE ARE THE BREAKS.
- YES. FATE COULD HAVE DEALT
US A BETTER HAND, BOTH OF US.
YOU KNOW, I ONCE TURNED
DOWN AN OPPORTUNITY
TO GO INTO THE
ALUMINUM SIDING BUSINESS,
BUT LET US NOT MOURN OUR FATE,
LET US ACCEPT OUR
LOT WITH A SMILE.
- YES, SIR.
- SMILE, MAYNARD.
THERE'S A GOOD SOLDIER.
NOW, MAYNARD, AND
THE REST OF THE TROOPS,
WILL YOU KINDLY
TURN TO PAGE 281?
- THALIA...
- GO AWAY.
- LOOK, THALIA, MY HI-WI PIN.
I HAD A CHAIN PUT ON IT,
LIKE A LITTLE LOCKET, SEE?
- I'M NOT INTERESTED.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- WHEN WILL YOU GET
IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD
THAT YOU AND I ARE
FINISHED, FINISHED, FINISHED.
- I'M DELIGHTED TO
HEAR YOU'RE FINISHED,
FINISHED, FINISHED, THALIA,
BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER
LIKE TO BEGIN, BEGIN, BEGIN.
AND DOBIE, WILL YOU PLEASE
APPLY ALL YOUR TINY
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO
TAKE UP THE STUDY OF LOGIC.
LOGIC IS NOTHING MORE NOR
LESS THAN THE SCIENCE OF THINKING.
IN OTHER WORDS, IT
NOW BECOMES MY TASK
TO TRY TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO THINK.
- [ SCATTING ]
- THIS LOOMS AS ONE OF
THE BLEAKEST UNDERTAKINGS
IN THE HISTORY OF
EDUCATION. HOWEVER...
- OOH.
- IS THIS MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS?
I WAS TOLD TO REPORT
TO MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS.
- YES. THIS IS
MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS.
- I AM WHITNEY.
- HOW DO YOU, MISS WHITNEY?
NOT MISS WHITNEY, WHITNEY.
- WHITNEY WHAT?
- JUST WHITNEY?
- NO OTHER NAME?
- OH, I HAVE ANOTHER
NAME OF COURSE.
- GOOD.
- BUT I NEVER USE IT.
I HAVE TO MAKE AN
IMPRESSION FAST.
- YOU'RE SUCCEEDING TOTALLY.
- GOOD.
I LACK SECURITY, YOU KNOW.
- YOU LACK SOMETHING.
- I JUST MOVED TO TOWN.
IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS
WE'VE LIVED IN FIVE
DIFFERENT TOWNS.
IT'S BECAUSE OF MY
FATHER'S BUSINESS
THAT WE HAVE TO MOVE
FROM TOWN TO TOWN.
- I SEE.
- HE BUILDS BRIDGES.
THERE'S OODLES OF
MONEY IN BRIDGES.
- HOW VERY PLEASANT.
- PERHAPS.
BUT MONEY WON'T BUY SECURITY.
HERE I AM IN A NEW
TOWN AND NEW SCHOOL.
BY THE TIME I GROW
ORGANIZED IN THIS TOWN,
WE'LL BE MOVING TO ANOTHER ONE.
THAT IS WHY I MUST
SNATCH SECURITY
WHERE I CAN.
- WHITNEY, I'M SURE
ALL OF US IN THIS CLASS,
IN FACT, IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL,
JOIN IN WISHING YOU SUCCESS.
NOW, WOULD YOU BE
GOOD ENOUGH TO SIT DOWN?
THERE'S A NICE SEAT HERE
RIGHT IN THE FRONT ROW.
- THANK YOU, BUT I
PREFER TO SIT OVER THERE.
- MAY ONE ASK WHY?
- I LIKE THE LOOKS OF THAT BOY.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
HE HAS NO GUILE.
HE WON'T BETRAY ME.
I NEED A BOY LIKE
THAT FOR MY SECURITY.
- AS I WAS SAYING,
TODAY WE WILL BEGIN
THE STUDY OF LOGIC,
WHICH IS THE SCIENCE
OF THINKING ITSELF.
AS THE PHILOSOPHER
DESCARTES SAID,
"I THINK, THEREFORE I AM.
COGITO ERGO SUM."
- OOH.
[ SCATTING ]
- I'VE HAD A HARD
DAY, EVEN FOR ME.
READ PAGES 281 TO 293
TONIGHT. WE'LL BEGIN TOMORROW.
RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO
THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE
AND LIE DOWN. CLASS DISMISSED.
- FELLOW.
- YES, MA'AM?
- YOU'LL DO. YOU MAY
GO STEADY WITH ME.
- ISN'T THIS A LITTLE SUDDEN?
- LOOK AT ME, FELLOW. I'M RICH,
BEAUTIFUL, AND GLAMOROUS.
TO YOU I REPRESENT
THE FULFILLMENT
OF YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.
TO ME YOU REPRESENT SECURITY.
WHY SHILLY-SHALLY?
HERE IS MY HAND.
- JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT THIS MAN IS MINE.
- YESTERDAY YOU TOLD
ME I WAS A DUMBBELL.
- WHICH YOU ARE.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE, FELLOW.
- HOW COMES EVERYBODY
WANTS HIM IF HE'S SO DUMB?
- HE'S A DUMBBELL,
BUT HE'S MY DUMBBELL.
SO KEEP YOUR
COTTON-PICKING HANDS OFF.
- WELL, WHY DON'T WE LET THE
DUMBBELL DECIDE FOR HIMSELF?
- BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB.
- GOOD POINT.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
- DON'T DAWDLE, FELLOW.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
I NEED MY SECURITY IN A HURRY.
- I'VE GOT TO THINK.
- YEAH. ME TOO.
- I LOVE THALIA, ALWAYS HAVE.
- YEAH. BUT SHE
KEEPS DUMPING YOU.
- BUT SHE ALWAYS COMES BACK.
- AND DUMPS YOU AGAIN.
- TRUE. TRUE. NOW...
- YEAH, WHITNEY.
- WHITNEY ON THE
OTHER HAND IS RICH,
BEAUTIFUL, GLAMOROUS.
- AND KOOKY.
- WELL, WHAT WOULD
YOU CALL THALIA?
- KOOKY.
- YEAH. IT'S A HARD
CHOICE. HARD.
I'VE GOT TO THINK IT
OUT VERY CAREFULLY.
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- I GOT IT, DOBE. FLIP A COIN.
- OH, YOU DON'T HAVE A COIN
TO FLIP AND YOU NEVER WILL.
I'M TAKING YOU AS YOU ARE,
PENNILESS AND DUMB.
- AND SO WILL I.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, QUICKLY.
- YES, QUICKLY.
- THALIA, I'M YOURS.
- AH, HA HA HA.
- OH, YOU FOOL.
- WELL, MY GIRL, MY SWEET,
STEADY GIRL, WHEN
WILL I SEE YOU?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
CALL ME SOMETIME.
- AH-HA, SO THAT'S THE
WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.
MAYNARD, GO CATCH WHITNEY.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBE.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- STEADIES?
- STEADIES.
WHEN DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME?
- LATER. AND ALSO,
TONIGHT AFTER SUPPER.
- AND WHERE DO WE GO?
- WELL, THE FACT IS,
THALIA, I'M A LITTLE SHORT...
- YOU'RE A LITTLE SHORT OF CASH.
- YEAH. I THOUGHT
WE MIGHT GO FOR A...
- NICE, LONG, WALK.
- NICE, LONG WALK. UH-HUH.
- I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW,
LIFE WITH DOBIE,
ONE NICE, LONG WALK.
- HEY, DOBE.
- UH-HUH.
- I GOT, LIKE, AN IDEA
HOW YOU CAN BECOME
A BIG SUCCESS BY WALKING.
- HOW?
- BECOME A MAILMAN.
- THANKS, MAYNARD.
- MOM?
MOM, WOULD YOU
SAY I WAS A DUMBBELL?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- ASK ME, BOY.
- DON'T YOU DARE
CALL DOBIE A DUMBBELL.
- DUMBBELL?
WHY, THERE IS THE
SMARTEST KID I EVER SAW.
NEVER DOES A LICK OF WORK,
NEVER OPENS A SCHOOL BOOK,
SLEEPS 14 HOURS A NIGHT,
CHASES GIRLS ALL DAY,
HOW SMART CAN YOU GET?
- NOW, HERBERT.
- HE ISN'T WAITING TO
DIE TO GO TO HEAVEN,
YOU KNOW, HE'S
HAVING HIS RIGHT NOW.
- OH, HERBERT, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- OH, THIS BOY'S GOT IT UP
HERE. HE'S REALLY GOT IT.
YOU AND I ARE THE DUMBBELLS,
WORKING AND SWEATING
AND SUFFERING.
- OH, I SUFFER, DAD.
THESE CHEEKS MAY
BE YOUNG AND UNLINED,
BUT DOWN DEEP MY
SOUL'S ETCHED WITH SCARS.
- ETCHED?
- DAD, I DON'T
WANT TO CRITICIZE,
AND I KNOW YOU DO YOUR BEST
ACCORDING TO YOUR
MEAGER UNDERSTANDING,
BUT, DAD, WHEN A GUY COMES HOME
FROM A DAY OUT IN
THAT HARD WORLD,
IS IT TOO MUCH TO
EXPECT A LITTLE SYMPATHY?
DAD, DAD, I KNOW
YOU'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
- YOU'VE GOT TO
UNDERSTAND THAT BOY,
THAT'S WHAT YOU GOTTA.
HE REALLY DOES SUFFER, YOU KNOW.
HE'S AT THE AWKWARD AGE.
- WELL, I'M AT THE
AWKWARD AGE TOO,
OLD ARMS AND OLD LEGS,
AND NO HELP FROM THAT
YOUNG AWKWARD AGED BUM.
- KEEP SHOUTING, HERBERT.
THAT'S THE WAY TO LEARN THINGS.
KEEP SHOUTING.
- I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, WINNIE.
- THAT'S BETTER.
AS I WAS SAYING,
DOBIE IS AT A
DIFFICULT TIME OF LIFE.
HE'S NO LONGER A BOY,
AND HE'S NOT YET A MAN.
- BUT WHY ISN'T HE A MAN?
HE'S AS TALL AS A MAN.
HE WEIGHS AS MUCH AS A MAN.
HE WALKS LIKE A MAN.
HE EATS LIKE A HORSE.
WHY ISN'T HE A MAN?
- KEEP SHOUTING.
- ALL RIGHT, WINNIE,
NO MORE SHOUTING.
BUT EXPLAIN IT TO
ME, WILL YOU PLEASE,
SLOWLY. I'M DUMB.
I GUESS THAT'S
WHERE THE KID GETS IT.
- OH, YOU'RE NOT DUMB, HERBERT,
AND NEITHER IS DOBIE.
YOU'RE A FATHER
AND HE'S A TEENAGER,
AND YOU'RE BOTH ACTING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
- WHO MADE UP THIS PLAN?
- THE GOOD LORD, I GUESS.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT DOBIE'S SO DIFFERENT
FROM OTHER TEENAGERS?
- YOU MEAN THEY'RE
ALL LIKE THIS?
- OF COURSE.
- OH, THE MIND TREMBLES, KID.
- WHAT WERE YOU LIKE
WHEN YOU WERE 17?
- WELL...
- WELL?
- WELL, I WAS...
- YES?
- LIKE DOBIE.
- THERE, YOU SEE?
- OH, YOU'RE A WISE
WOMAN, WINNIE.
- AND YOU'RE A
WISE MAN, HERBERT.
- COME BACK.
- NO.
WISE MAN, LET'S GET TO WORK.
- OKAY. WISE WOMAN.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING I
STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- WHAT?
- WELL, IF YOU'RE SO WISE
AND I'M SO WISE,
HOW COME WE GOT SUCH
A DUMBBELL FOR A SON?
- WHEN I PICKED UP THALIA,
I THOUGHT SHE WAS
GOING TO BE UNHAPPY.
IN FACT, I THOUGHT SHE'D GIVE ME
THE ROUGH SIDE OF HER TONGUE,
BUT SHE WAS A DOLL, AN ANGEL.
SO SWEET, SO HAPPY.
I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT.
THALIA, I SAID, WHY
ARE YOU SO HAPPY?
- BECAUSE I FINALLY
FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO MAKE YOU A SUCCESS.
NOW, DO YOU REMEMBER
THE ASSIGNMENT
MR. McGRUDER GAVE US IN LOGIC?
- NO.
- SWELL. DOBIE, LOGIC,
IS THE SCIENCE OF THINKING.
- UH-HUH.
- WHY, DO YOU KNOW THAT
PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY BE TAUGHT
TO THINK?
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- NO. AND THAT'S WHY
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
WHY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE DUMB ALL YOUR LIFE.
ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
- YEAH, WONDERFUL.
COME ON, LET'S WALK
OVER TO THE MOVIES.
SOMETIMES THEY FORGET
TO LOCK THE SIDE DOOR.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
WHY, THIS BOOK HERE CAN WAKE
UP THAT SLUGGISH MIND OF YOURS.
- IF MY MIND'S SO SLUGGISH,
HOW AM I GOING TO UNDERSTAND
ALL THE STUFF IN THE BOOK?
- WELL, I'LL TEACH YOU.
I'LL COACH YOU, STEP
BY STEP, BIT BY BIT.
- THAT'S ALL WE'RE GOING TO DO?
- UNTIL YOU LEARN TO THINK.
NOW, LET'S GET STARTED.
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION.
BEFORE WE CAN LEARN
TO THINK PROPERLY,
WE MUST LEARN TO DETECT
THE COMMON FALLACIES OF LOGIC.
A FALLACY IS SIMPLY
A FALSE ARGUMENT.
UNFORTUNATELY,
THERE ARE A GREAT MANY FALLACIES
BEING SPREAD AROUND DAILY,
AND MOST OF US HAVE NOT LEARNED
HOW TO DISTINGUISH WHAT IS FALSE
FROM WHAT IS TRUE.
NOW, UNTIL WE DO, WE
CANNOT LEARN HOW TO THINK.
THEREFORE, LET US TURN
THE COLD LIGHT OF TRUTH
ON SOME WIDESPREAD FALLACIES.
OH, ISN'T THIS EXCITING, DOBIE?
- THAT'S THE WORD, EXCITING.
- NOW, FIRST, LET US EXAMINE
THE FALLACY CALLED
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- DICTO SIMPLICITER.
HEY, CATCHY TITLE.
BET YOU MAYNARD
COULD SET IT TO MUSIC.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
WHAT YOU DOING?
- OH, I WAS JUST OUT
PICKING UP SOME TIN FOIL.
- OH, SAY, YOU KNOW,
MAYNARD'S GOT A BALL OF
TIN TOIL THIS BIG AT HOME.
- OH, NO. NOW IT'S THIS BIG.
- REALLY?
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT?
- OH, I PICK IT UP
AND PUT IT IN A BALL.
- AND THEN WHAT
DO YOU DO WITH IT?
- OH, I GO OUT AND
PICK UP SOME MORE.
- OH, EXCUSE ME, I
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
GOODBYE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU CATS DOING?
- STUDYING.
- THALIA'S GOING TO TEACH ME
HOW TO THINK.
- OH, YOU WON'T LIKE IT.
- MAYNARD, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO STAY HERE,
YOU BE QUIET.
FIRST LET US EXAMINE THE
FALLACY CALLED DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- OH, WEE, WOW, WHAT A BEAT.
♪ DICTO SIMPLICITER,
DICKY DICKY DOO ♪
- SEE, I KNEW HE'D LOVE IT.
- STOP IT. STOP IT THIS MINUTE,
OR I'M LEAVING.
- KNOCK IT OFF, MAYNARD.
- FIRST LET US THE EXAMINE
THE FALLACY CALLED
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
DICTO SIMPLICITER
MEANS AN ARGUMENT
BASED ON UNQUALIFIED
GENERALIZATION.
FOR EXAMPLE, EXERCISE IS GOOD,
THEREFORE EVERYONE
SHOULD EXERCISE.
- OH, I AGREE. I THINK
EXERCISE IS WONDERFUL.
- YEAH. IT LIKE
BUILDS YOUR BODY.
- THAT'S WHY I LIKE
NICE LONG WALKS.
THEY DEVELOP YOUR LEG MUSCLES.
YOU KNOW, I GOT THE
SECOND BIGGEST CALVES
IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
- NO KIDDING?
- WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?
NOW, THE ARGUMENT IS
A FALLACY. IS IT NOT TRUE.
OH, WHEN YOU SAY
EXERCISE IS GOOD,
YOU MUST QUALIFY IT, YOU SEE?
- UH-HUH.
- FOR SOME PEOPLE
EXERCISE IS NOT GOOD.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU
HAVE A HEART ATTACK
OR A KIDNEY
CONDITION OR LIKE THAT.
SO YOU CAN'T JUST
SAY EXERCISE IS GOOD.
YOU MUST SAY EXERCISE
IS USUALLY GOOD,
OR EXERCISE IS GOOD
FOR MANY PEOPLE.
- BUT YOU MUST QUALIFY IT FIRST.
- QUALIFY IT, YEAH.
- DON'T YOU SEE?
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- I GOT A QUESTION.
- YES?
- WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST?
- BIGGEST WHAT?
- THE BIGGEST CALVES
IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
- OH, MILTON ARMITAGE.
HIS ARE BIGGER. I'LL ADMIT THAT.
MINE ARE HARDER, AND
THAT'S WHAT COUNTS. HERE.
- ONE MORE CHANCE,
DOBIE, AND THEN I'M WALKING.
THIS TIME IT'S FOREVER.
- OKAY. OKAY. QUIET, MAYNARD.
- NOW, NEXT WE TAKE UP POST HOC.
- POST HOC, NO BEAT.
- SHH.
- HERE IS AN EXAMPLE.
LET'S NOT TAKE
BILL ON OUR PICNIC.
EVERY TIME WE
TAKE HIM, IT RAINS.
- SAY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW
A GUY JUST LIKE THAT,
WALTER FUNK.
REMEMBER HIM, MAYNARD?
- SURE. A LITTLE FAT
GUY WITH GLASSES.
- YEAH. THAT'S THE
ONE. REMEMBER,
EVERY TIME WE
TOOK HIM ON A PICNIC,
OR TO A BALLGAME OR LIKE
THAT, IT RAINED BUCKETS.
- YEAH. I WONDER
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM.
- PROBABLY DROWNED
IN A RAINSTORM.
- NO! DON'T YOU SEE? THE
ARGUMENT IS A FALLACY!
IT WOULD HAVE RAINED
WHETHER WALTER
FUNKY WAS THERE OR NOT.
HE DIDN'T CAUSE
IT, DON'T YOU SEE?
AND FOR YOUR
FURTHER INFORMATION,
YOU'VE JUST BLOWN YOUR
LAST CHANCE WITH ME.
I'M THROUGH WITH
YOU, THIS IS THE END!
- CAREFUL WHEN YOU TAKE IT OFF,
YOU'LL BREAK THE CHAIN.
YEAH, SHE BROKE THE CHAIN.
- TOUGH, GOOD BUDDY.
- MAYNARD, HOW AM I
EVER GOING TO GET THALIA?
- YOU AIN'T. SO WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE THE OTHER?
- WHITNEY? SHE'S A KOOK.
- YEAH. BUT SHE'S
AN AVAILABLE KOOK.
- TRUE.
AND WHEN A GUY NEEDS CHICKS
THE WAY YOU NEED CHICKS,
YOU BETTER GRAB
WHAT'S AVAILABLE.
- YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
- BELIEVE ME, DOBE,
THAT AIN'T NO FALLACY.
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO DO IT.
- GOOD LUCK, GOOD BUDDY.
- THANKS.
- YEAH. I'LL DIG YOU LIKE LATER.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- TO PICK UP SOME MORE TIN FOIL.
- HI, WHITNEY.
- HELLO, FELLOW.
- WHITNEY, I DON'T MEAN TO PRY,
BUT HAVE YOU FOUND
A STEADY GUY YET?
- NO. AND THE SANDS OF
TIME ARE RUNNING OUT.
I GROW MORE
INSECURE BY THE HOUR.
DO YOU HAVE ANYONE IN MIND?
- ME.
- SPLENDID.
WE'LL START TONIGHT.
- UH-HUH.
- I'LL GET THE
CONVERTIBLE FROM DADDY,
OR THE TOWN CAR IF
THE WEATHER ISN'T FINE.
- THAT WOULD BE NICE.
- JUST A MINUTE!
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
- YES?
- HE'S MINE, AND BUTT OUT.
- BUT, THALIA, LAST
NIGHT YOU SAID...
- THAT WAS LAST
NIGHT, THIS IS TODAY.
- YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME BACK?
- OF COURSE.
- I'M CONFUSED.
- IT'S SIMPLE, DOBE.
SHE ONLY WANTS YOU WHEN
SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS YOU.
- NO, THALIA.
THIS TIME I'M NOT COMING BACK.
- OH, DON'T BE
SILLY. YOU LOVE ME.
LOOK AT THESE TEETH AND
THIS FACE AND THIS BODY.
- YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT, DOBE.
- THAT'S A FACT.
- YES. SHE DOES HAVE A
CERTAIN FOLKSY CHARM.
WHILE I, ON THE
OTHER HAND, AM RICH.
- YOU, ON THE
OTHER HAND, SHUT UP.
DOBIE, DARLING, COME BACK.
- THALIA, I AM A
MAN WITH FEELINGS.
I'M NOT A YO-YO TO BE SENT AWAY
AND PULLED BACK WHENEVER
THE MOOD STRIKES YOU.
NOW, IF I COME BACK THIS TIME,
YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE
ME IT'S FOR ALWAYS.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE. I PROMISE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
I GET TIRED OF YOU.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
- YES.
- STEADIES?
- STEADIES?
- YEAH. UH-HUH.
- ALL RIGHT.
OH, HERE'S MY HI-WI PIN.
THE CHAIN'S BROKEN
AND THE CATCH IS BROKEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGURE
OUT SOME WAY TO KEEP IT ON.
- I'LL FIGURE IT OUT, DOBIE.
- YES, MY DARLING.
YES, MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL.
- AGAIN WHAT YOU'RE
DOING TO MY SECURITY.
- YOU'RE NOT HELPING
MINE MUCH EITHER.
NOW, IF YOU YOUNG
LOVERS CAN SUCCEED
IF DISENGAGING
YOURSELVES TEMPORARILY,
I'D LIKE TO START THE CLASS.
OPEN YOUR BOOKS TO PAGE 281.
DOES ANYONE HERE HAPPEN TO
KNOW HOW I GOT INTO TEACHING? NO?
WELL, IF YOU FIND
OUT, TELL ME, WILL YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, HERBERT.
HERE HE COMES NOW.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
WINNIE, I AM NOT...
- YOU BETTER.
- ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
- YOU BET.
I'LL BE WAITING UPSTAIRS.
- OH, COME ON IN HERE, BOY.
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU ARE?
- YEAH. COME ON, BOY.
LET'S YOU AND I HAVE
A HEART TO HEART TALK
AND GET TO UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER BETTER.
- DAD, I'VE GOT A DATE.
- BREAK IT.
- WITH THALIA.
- BREAK IT.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I SAID BREAK IT.
YOUR MOTHER WANTS US TO
HAVE A HEART TO HEART TALK
AND GET TO UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER BETTER,
AND BY GEORGE, THAT IS
WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.
- DAD, LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DO WE WANT TO
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER FOR?
WE'VE GOT SUCH A
SOLID RELATIONSHIP NOW.
GOOD, CLEAN, HONEST HOSTILITY.
I MEAN, WE KNOW WHERE
WE STAND. WHY LOUSE IT UP?
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE RIGHT, BOY.
- SURE, DAD. SEE YOU LATER.
- SEE YOU LATER, TOO.
- OH, DAD, I DON'T
SUPPOSE YOU'D LET ME
HAVE SOME MONEY, WOULD YOU?
- THAT'S MY DOBIE WHO SAID THAT.
- YOU MEAN YOU WILL?
- I MEAN GET OUT OF
HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU.
- GOOD OLD DAD.
- YEAH.
- HI, MOM.
- HI, DEAR.
- BOY, DON'T MAKE
ME TELL YOU NO AGAIN.
IT'S A... WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER, WINNIE.
WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
- YEAH. I HAD A DATE
WITH THALIA, ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN CALL IT A DATE.
- NO. NO. NO.
DOBIE. NOW, I'LL TRY ONCE MORE,
AND PLEASE, PLEASE,
TRY TO CONCENTRATE.
- OKAY.
- OKAY.
NOW, THE FALLACY IS
CALLED FALSE ANALOGY.
AN ANALOGY IS A
COMPARISON BETWEEN THINGS.
GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
- OKAY. FALSE ANALOGY.
- OH, HI, WHITNEY.
- BON JOUR, FELLOW.
- BON JOUR, FELLOW.
- HERE, SIRS.
- NEVER MIND... PAY
ATTENTION TO THE LOGIC.
- YES, THALIA.
- NOW, FALSE ANALOGY.
HERE'S AN EXAMPLE.
STUDENTS SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO LOOK AT THEIR TEXTBOOKS
DURING AN EXAM.
AFTER ALL, SURGEONS
HAVE X-RAYS TO GUIDE THEM
DURING AN OPERATION.
LAWYERS HAVE BRIEFS TO
GUIDE THEM DURING A TRIAL.
CARPENTERS HAVE BLUEPRINTS
TO GUIDE THEM WHEN
THEY BUILD A HOUSE.
SO WHY SHOULDN'T STUDENTS
BE ALLOWED TO
LOOK AT THEIR BOOKS
DURING AN EXAMINATION?
- RIGHT. BEST IDEA
I'VE HEARD IN YEARS.
- DOBIE, IT'S A FALLACY. NOW,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? THINK.
THINK. THINK.
- SURE IT'S A FALLACY.
DOCTORS, LAWYERS, CARPENTERS,
THEY'RE NOT TAKING
TESTS TO FIND OUT
IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING,
BUT STUDENTS ARE.
SO HOW CAN YOU
MAKE A COMPARISON?
- RIGHT. 100% RIGHT.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- OH, YOU CAN THINK.
YOU'RE NOT ALTOGETHER DUMB.
- YEAH.
- NOW WASN'T IT WORTH
ALL THAT WORK AND STUDY?
- YEAH. I GUESS SO.
- OH, I KNOW SO,
BECAUSE NOW ONE
THING IS OBVIOUS TO ME.
YOU HAVE GOT A BRAIN.
- OH, DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- DO WHAT?
- YOU JUST MADE A
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
HOW CAN YOU SAY FLATLY
THAT I'VE GOT A BRAIN?
YOU'VE GOT TO QUALIFY IT.
SAY I MIGHT HAVE A BRAIN.
OR IT'S POSSIBLE I HAVE A BRAIN,
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
GOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE
TO MAKE A GENERALIZATION.
- OH, I'VE GOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT A
WHOLE CAKE TO KNOW IT'S GOOD.
- OH, FALSE ANALOGY.
I'M NOT A CAKE. I'M A FELLA.
- WELL, MY GOODNESS,
YOU HAVE LEARNED YOUR LOGIC.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- AND I'M PROUD OF YOU.
RIGHT BEFORE MY BEAUTIFUL EYES
I'VE SEEN A LUMP OF CLAY
TURN INTO A THINKING MACHINE.
- YEAH. I'M KIND OF
PROUD OF MYSELF.
AND I AM GRATEFUL TO
YOU, THALIA, REALLY I AM,
FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO THINK.
- OH, FORGET IT.
WELL, WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU, THALIA,
BUT NOW THAT I'VE
LEARNED TO THINK,
THE FIRST THING I'M
GOING TO DO IS DUMP YOU.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
I'M LEAVING YOU.
I'M THINKING AT
LAST, THANKS TO YOU,
AND I'M THINKING I GOT
NO FUTURE WITH YOU.
- OH, BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- TRUE. I LOVE YOU
AND YOU LOVE MONEY.
SO MAYBE YOU STICK
WITH ME A FEW MONTHS,
MAYBE EVEN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
BUT FINALLY A GUY WITH
MONEY COMES ALONG
AND TAKES A LOOK AT
THOSE BEAUTIFUL EYES
AND THOSE TEETH AND
THAT HEAD AND THAT BODY,
AND IT'S GOODBYE, DOBIE.
SO LET ME SAY IT
FIRST. GOODBYE, THALIA.
- DOBIE.
- YOU CAN KEEP THE HI-WI PIN.
BYE, THALIA.
- [ WHINING ]
- WHITNEY, MY DEAR?
- YES, FELLOW.
- WHITNEY, I'VE RECENTLY
LEARNED TO THINK.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU.
- THANK YOU.
AND I'VE MADE UP MY MIND
TO ACCEPT YOUR OFFER.
I'LL GO STEADY WITH YOU.
- THE BOAT HAS SAILED.
- BOAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I HAVE BEEN
WATCHING YOU, FELLOW.
I HAVE BEEN WATCHING
THAT THALIA PERSON
TEACHING YOU HOW TO THINK,
AND I KNEW IT WAS
ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
UNTIL SHE SUCCEEDED TOTALLY.
AND FELLOW, I DON'T
WANT A BOY WHO CAN THINK.
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE A BOY WHO CAN
THINK IS A BOY WHO CAN PLOT,
AND A BOY WHO CAN PLOT
IS A BOY WHO CAN SCHEME,
AND HOW COULD I HAVE A BOY
LIKE THAT FOR MY SECURITY?
- I SEE. LISTEN, WHITNEY,
I DON'T THINK ALL
THAT GOOD, HONEST.
- TOO LATE.
I HAVE SELECTED ANOTHER.
- WHO?
- LIKE, HI.
- MAYNARD.
- COME SIT BY ME, FELLOW.
- MAYNARD, MY BEST FRIEND.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
- WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
- OH, MAYNARD.
- BUT YOU'RE WITH THALIA
AREN'T YOU? I MEAN, WEREN'T YOU?
- OH NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT MAYNARD.
- I MEAN, I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU...
- HERE, YOU TAKE
HER IF YOU WANT HER.
- ALL RIGHT. SIT DOWN,
MAYNARD. YOU KEEP HER.
I WISH YOU A LONG
LIFE AND HAPPINESS,
BOTH OF YOU.
ME, I'LL-I'LL GET ALONG SOMEHOW.
- WHAT'S WITH HIM?
- HE'S LEARNED TO THINK.
- POOR DEVIL.
- MAYNARD, PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
PROMISE ME YOU'LL
NEVER LEARN HOW TO THINK.
- OH, NOT A CHANCE.
NOT A CHANCE.
- LONELINESS ISN'T TOO BAD
ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT.
- YOU DON'T NEED TO BE
LONELY ANYMORE, GOOD BUDDY.
I'M BACK WITH YOU.
- WHAT ABOUT WHITNEY?
- MOVED TO CLEVELAND.
HER FATHER'S, LIKE,
BUILDING A BRIDGE.
YEAH. I WONDER WHAT THEY
NEED WITH A BRIDGE IN CLEVELAND?
- GEE, I'M SORRY, MAYNARD.
- OH, I DON'T MIND,
BECAUSE IT'S YOU AND
ME AGAIN, GOOD BUDDY.
JUST YOU AND ME,
AND THAT'S THE WAY
IT WILL ALWAYS BE.
- I'M AFRAID SO, MAYNARD.
NO OFFENSE, BUT I'M AFRAID SO.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- MY FEELINGS ABOUT
THALIA MENNINGER
ARE ALL MIXED UP.
SOMETIMES I FEEL ONE WAY,
SOMETIMES I FEEL ANOTHER.
SOMETIMES I FEEL
BOTH WAYS AT ONCE.
LIKE I SAY, MY FEELINGS
ARE ALL MIXED UP.
THALIA MENNINGER'S
FEELINGS ABOUT ME,
ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE
CLEAR. CRYSTAL CLEAR.
- DOBIE GILLIS, I HATE YOU.
- THALIA, YOU CAN'T MEAN IT.
- I CERTAINLY DO. I HATE YOU.
- BUT WHY?
- BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
- I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
- WHY, IT MAKES ALL
THE SENSE IN THE WORLD.
NOW, WHAT DO I WANT
MOST OUT OF LIFE?
- MONEY.
- ALL RIGHT, SMART APPLE.
- SOMEHOW THIS IS
GOING TO GET AROUND
TO YOUR FATHER'S
KIDNEY CONDITION, I FEEL IT.
- WELL, LISTEN. MY
FATHER WORKED HARD
TO MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL.
LET'S TAKE BRACES, FOR INSTANCE.
- BY ALL MEANS,
LET'S TAKE BRACES.
- NOW, LOOK AT THIS SMILE.
- GORGEOUS.
- TRUE. GORGEOUS.
WHY, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
MONEY MY FATHER SPENT TO PUT BRACES
ON MY TEETH SO I COULD
HAVE A GORGEOUS SMILE?
- HUH-UH.
- OH, A FORTUNE.
- BUT WORTH EVERY PENNY.
- NOW, LOOK, DOBIE,
IN ALL CONSCIENCE,
HOW CAN I USE BEAUTIFUL
EXPENSIVE TEETH
LIKE THESE TO CAPTURE
A PAUPER LIKE YOU?
I MEAN, WHY, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
THE BAIT IS WORTH
MORE THAN THE FISH.
- BAIT? FISH?
THALIA, I'M STILL A
LITTLE CONFUSED.
- WELL, YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE A LITTLE CONFUSED,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE A PAUPER.
TO GET RICH YOU NEED
A QUICK, SHARP MIND,
AND WELL, YOU'RE ALL
MUDDLED AND MIXED UP
AND CONFUSED,
CONFUSED, CONFUSED.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- AND THAT'S WHY I HATE YOU.
OH, IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU, OH,
I'D BE GOING WITH SOMEONE
WITH A BRILLIANT FUTURE.
SOMEONE WHO'D
REPRESENT A FAIR RETURN
ON ALL THE MONEY INVESTED
IN THESE TEETH AND
HEAD AND THIS BODY.
- TOUGH, THALIA, BUT
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WE'RE STUCK FOR EACH OTHER.
- YOU'RE STUCK, BUSTER.
I'M PACKING YOU IN.
- THALIA, IF YOU GIVE
ME BACK THAT HI-WI PIN
ONCE MORE, YOU'RE
GOING TO BREAK THE CATCH,
AND WHERE AM I GOING
TO GET THE MONEY TO FIX IT
SO YOU CAN PUT IT
ON AGAIN TOMORROW
WHEN YOU TAKE IT BACK?
- NOW, I TOLD YOU, DOBIE,
WE ARE THROUGH,
FOREVER. GOODBYE.
- THALIA!
THALIA, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
YOU'RE KIDDING, AREN'T YOU?
THALIA?
YEP, SHE DID IT.
SHE BROKE THE CATCH.
[ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD!
MAYNARD, WHERE DO YOU
GO WHEN YOU TAKE OFF
ON THESE STRANGE
FLIGHTS OF YOURS?
- OUT, MAN. FAR OUT.
- BELIEVE ME, MAYNARD,
THERE'S NOTHING I'D LIKE
BETTER THAN TO LEAVE YOU THERE,
BUT I'M AFRAID THE LAW
REQUIRES YOU TO BE HERE
DURING SCHOOL HOURS.
- WELL, THOSE ARE THE BREAKS.
- YES. FATE COULD HAVE DEALT
US A BETTER HAND, BOTH OF US.
YOU KNOW, I ONCE TURNED
DOWN AN OPPORTUNITY
TO GO INTO THE
ALUMINUM SIDING BUSINESS,
BUT LET US NOT MOURN OUR FATE,
LET US ACCEPT OUR
LOT WITH A SMILE.
- YES, SIR.
- SMILE, MAYNARD.
THERE'S A GOOD SOLDIER.
NOW, MAYNARD, AND
THE REST OF THE TROOPS,
WILL YOU KINDLY
TURN TO PAGE 281?
- THALIA...
- GO AWAY.
- LOOK, THALIA, MY HI-WI PIN.
I HAD A CHAIN PUT ON IT,
LIKE A LITTLE LOCKET, SEE?
- I'M NOT INTERESTED.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- WHEN WILL YOU GET
IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD
THAT YOU AND I ARE
FINISHED, FINISHED, FINISHED.
- I'M DELIGHTED TO
HEAR YOU'RE FINISHED,
FINISHED, FINISHED, THALIA,
BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER
LIKE TO BEGIN, BEGIN, BEGIN.
AND DOBIE, WILL YOU PLEASE
APPLY ALL YOUR TINY
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO
TAKE UP THE STUDY OF LOGIC.
LOGIC IS NOTHING MORE NOR
LESS THAN THE SCIENCE OF THINKING.
IN OTHER WORDS, IT
NOW BECOMES MY TASK
TO TRY TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO THINK.
- [ SCATTING ]
- THIS LOOMS AS ONE OF
THE BLEAKEST UNDERTAKINGS
IN THE HISTORY OF
EDUCATION. HOWEVER...
- OOH.
- IS THIS MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS?
I WAS TOLD TO REPORT
TO MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS.
- YES. THIS IS
MR. McGRUDER'S CLASS.
- I AM WHITNEY.
- HOW DO YOU, MISS WHITNEY?
NOT MISS WHITNEY, WHITNEY.
- WHITNEY WHAT?
- JUST WHITNEY?
- NO OTHER NAME?
- OH, I HAVE ANOTHER
NAME OF COURSE.
- GOOD.
- BUT I NEVER USE IT.
I HAVE TO MAKE AN
IMPRESSION FAST.
- YOU'RE SUCCEEDING TOTALLY.
- GOOD.
I LACK SECURITY, YOU KNOW.
- YOU LACK SOMETHING.
- I JUST MOVED TO TOWN.
IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS
WE'VE LIVED IN FIVE
DIFFERENT TOWNS.
IT'S BECAUSE OF MY
FATHER'S BUSINESS
THAT WE HAVE TO MOVE
FROM TOWN TO TOWN.
- I SEE.
- HE BUILDS BRIDGES.
THERE'S OODLES OF
MONEY IN BRIDGES.
- HOW VERY PLEASANT.
- PERHAPS.
BUT MONEY WON'T BUY SECURITY.
HERE I AM IN A NEW
TOWN AND NEW SCHOOL.
BY THE TIME I GROW
ORGANIZED IN THIS TOWN,
WE'LL BE MOVING TO ANOTHER ONE.
THAT IS WHY I MUST
SNATCH SECURITY
WHERE I CAN.
- WHITNEY, I'M SURE
ALL OF US IN THIS CLASS,
IN FACT, IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL,
JOIN IN WISHING YOU SUCCESS.
NOW, WOULD YOU BE
GOOD ENOUGH TO SIT DOWN?
THERE'S A NICE SEAT HERE
RIGHT IN THE FRONT ROW.
- THANK YOU, BUT I
PREFER TO SIT OVER THERE.
- MAY ONE ASK WHY?
- I LIKE THE LOOKS OF THAT BOY.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
HE HAS NO GUILE.
HE WON'T BETRAY ME.
I NEED A BOY LIKE
THAT FOR MY SECURITY.
- AS I WAS SAYING,
TODAY WE WILL BEGIN
THE STUDY OF LOGIC,
WHICH IS THE SCIENCE
OF THINKING ITSELF.
AS THE PHILOSOPHER
DESCARTES SAID,
"I THINK, THEREFORE I AM.
COGITO ERGO SUM."
- OOH.
[ SCATTING ]
- I'VE HAD A HARD
DAY, EVEN FOR ME.
READ PAGES 281 TO 293
TONIGHT. WE'LL BEGIN TOMORROW.
RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO
THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE
AND LIE DOWN. CLASS DISMISSED.
- FELLOW.
- YES, MA'AM?
- YOU'LL DO. YOU MAY
GO STEADY WITH ME.
- ISN'T THIS A LITTLE SUDDEN?
- LOOK AT ME, FELLOW. I'M RICH,
BEAUTIFUL, AND GLAMOROUS.
TO YOU I REPRESENT
THE FULFILLMENT
OF YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.
TO ME YOU REPRESENT SECURITY.
WHY SHILLY-SHALLY?
HERE IS MY HAND.
- JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT THIS MAN IS MINE.
- YESTERDAY YOU TOLD
ME I WAS A DUMBBELL.
- WHICH YOU ARE.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE, FELLOW.
- HOW COMES EVERYBODY
WANTS HIM IF HE'S SO DUMB?
- HE'S A DUMBBELL,
BUT HE'S MY DUMBBELL.
SO KEEP YOUR
COTTON-PICKING HANDS OFF.
- WELL, WHY DON'T WE LET THE
DUMBBELL DECIDE FOR HIMSELF?
- BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB.
- GOOD POINT.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
- DON'T DAWDLE, FELLOW.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
I NEED MY SECURITY IN A HURRY.
- I'VE GOT TO THINK.
- YEAH. ME TOO.
- I LOVE THALIA, ALWAYS HAVE.
- YEAH. BUT SHE
KEEPS DUMPING YOU.
- BUT SHE ALWAYS COMES BACK.
- AND DUMPS YOU AGAIN.
- TRUE. TRUE. NOW...
- YEAH, WHITNEY.
- WHITNEY ON THE
OTHER HAND IS RICH,
BEAUTIFUL, GLAMOROUS.
- AND KOOKY.
- WELL, WHAT WOULD
YOU CALL THALIA?
- KOOKY.
- YEAH. IT'S A HARD
CHOICE. HARD.
I'VE GOT TO THINK IT
OUT VERY CAREFULLY.
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- I GOT IT, DOBE. FLIP A COIN.
- OH, YOU DON'T HAVE A COIN
TO FLIP AND YOU NEVER WILL.
I'M TAKING YOU AS YOU ARE,
PENNILESS AND DUMB.
- AND SO WILL I.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, QUICKLY.
- YES, QUICKLY.
- THALIA, I'M YOURS.
- AH, HA HA HA.
- OH, YOU FOOL.
- WELL, MY GIRL, MY SWEET,
STEADY GIRL, WHEN
WILL I SEE YOU?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
CALL ME SOMETIME.
- AH-HA, SO THAT'S THE
WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.
MAYNARD, GO CATCH WHITNEY.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBE.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- STEADIES?
- STEADIES.
WHEN DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME?
- LATER. AND ALSO,
TONIGHT AFTER SUPPER.
- AND WHERE DO WE GO?
- WELL, THE FACT IS,
THALIA, I'M A LITTLE SHORT...
- YOU'RE A LITTLE SHORT OF CASH.
- YEAH. I THOUGHT
WE MIGHT GO FOR A...
- NICE, LONG, WALK.
- NICE, LONG WALK. UH-HUH.
- I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW,
LIFE WITH DOBIE,
ONE NICE, LONG WALK.
- HEY, DOBE.
- UH-HUH.
- I GOT, LIKE, AN IDEA
HOW YOU CAN BECOME
A BIG SUCCESS BY WALKING.
- HOW?
- BECOME A MAILMAN.
- THANKS, MAYNARD.
- MOM?
MOM, WOULD YOU
SAY I WAS A DUMBBELL?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- ASK ME, BOY.
- DON'T YOU DARE
CALL DOBIE A DUMBBELL.
- DUMBBELL?
WHY, THERE IS THE
SMARTEST KID I EVER SAW.
NEVER DOES A LICK OF WORK,
NEVER OPENS A SCHOOL BOOK,
SLEEPS 14 HOURS A NIGHT,
CHASES GIRLS ALL DAY,
HOW SMART CAN YOU GET?
- NOW, HERBERT.
- HE ISN'T WAITING TO
DIE TO GO TO HEAVEN,
YOU KNOW, HE'S
HAVING HIS RIGHT NOW.
- OH, HERBERT, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
- OH, THIS BOY'S GOT IT UP
HERE. HE'S REALLY GOT IT.
YOU AND I ARE THE DUMBBELLS,
WORKING AND SWEATING
AND SUFFERING.
- OH, I SUFFER, DAD.
THESE CHEEKS MAY
BE YOUNG AND UNLINED,
BUT DOWN DEEP MY
SOUL'S ETCHED WITH SCARS.
- ETCHED?
- DAD, I DON'T
WANT TO CRITICIZE,
AND I KNOW YOU DO YOUR BEST
ACCORDING TO YOUR
MEAGER UNDERSTANDING,
BUT, DAD, WHEN A GUY COMES HOME
FROM A DAY OUT IN
THAT HARD WORLD,
IS IT TOO MUCH TO
EXPECT A LITTLE SYMPATHY?
DAD, DAD, I KNOW
YOU'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
- YOU'VE GOT TO
UNDERSTAND THAT BOY,
THAT'S WHAT YOU GOTTA.
HE REALLY DOES SUFFER, YOU KNOW.
HE'S AT THE AWKWARD AGE.
- WELL, I'M AT THE
AWKWARD AGE TOO,
OLD ARMS AND OLD LEGS,
AND NO HELP FROM THAT
YOUNG AWKWARD AGED BUM.
- KEEP SHOUTING, HERBERT.
THAT'S THE WAY TO LEARN THINGS.
KEEP SHOUTING.
- I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, WINNIE.
- THAT'S BETTER.
AS I WAS SAYING,
DOBIE IS AT A
DIFFICULT TIME OF LIFE.
HE'S NO LONGER A BOY,
AND HE'S NOT YET A MAN.
- BUT WHY ISN'T HE A MAN?
HE'S AS TALL AS A MAN.
HE WEIGHS AS MUCH AS A MAN.
HE WALKS LIKE A MAN.
HE EATS LIKE A HORSE.
WHY ISN'T HE A MAN?
- KEEP SHOUTING.
- ALL RIGHT, WINNIE,
NO MORE SHOUTING.
BUT EXPLAIN IT TO
ME, WILL YOU PLEASE,
SLOWLY. I'M DUMB.
I GUESS THAT'S
WHERE THE KID GETS IT.
- OH, YOU'RE NOT DUMB, HERBERT,
AND NEITHER IS DOBIE.
YOU'RE A FATHER
AND HE'S A TEENAGER,
AND YOU'RE BOTH ACTING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
- WHO MADE UP THIS PLAN?
- THE GOOD LORD, I GUESS.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT DOBIE'S SO DIFFERENT
FROM OTHER TEENAGERS?
- YOU MEAN THEY'RE
ALL LIKE THIS?
- OF COURSE.
- OH, THE MIND TREMBLES, KID.
- WHAT WERE YOU LIKE
WHEN YOU WERE 17?
- WELL...
- WELL?
- WELL, I WAS...
- YES?
- LIKE DOBIE.
- THERE, YOU SEE?
- OH, YOU'RE A WISE
WOMAN, WINNIE.
- AND YOU'RE A
WISE MAN, HERBERT.
- COME BACK.
- NO.
WISE MAN, LET'S GET TO WORK.
- OKAY. WISE WOMAN.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING I
STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- WHAT?
- WELL, IF YOU'RE SO WISE
AND I'M SO WISE,
HOW COME WE GOT SUCH
A DUMBBELL FOR A SON?
- WHEN I PICKED UP THALIA,
I THOUGHT SHE WAS
GOING TO BE UNHAPPY.
IN FACT, I THOUGHT SHE'D GIVE ME
THE ROUGH SIDE OF HER TONGUE,
BUT SHE WAS A DOLL, AN ANGEL.
SO SWEET, SO HAPPY.
I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT.
THALIA, I SAID, WHY
ARE YOU SO HAPPY?
- BECAUSE I FINALLY
FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO MAKE YOU A SUCCESS.
NOW, DO YOU REMEMBER
THE ASSIGNMENT
MR. McGRUDER GAVE US IN LOGIC?
- NO.
- SWELL. DOBIE, LOGIC,
IS THE SCIENCE OF THINKING.
- UH-HUH.
- WHY, DO YOU KNOW THAT
PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY BE TAUGHT
TO THINK?
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- NO. AND THAT'S WHY
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
WHY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE DUMB ALL YOUR LIFE.
ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
- YEAH, WONDERFUL.
COME ON, LET'S WALK
OVER TO THE MOVIES.
SOMETIMES THEY FORGET
TO LOCK THE SIDE DOOR.
- NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
WHY, THIS BOOK HERE CAN WAKE
UP THAT SLUGGISH MIND OF YOURS.
- IF MY MIND'S SO SLUGGISH,
HOW AM I GOING TO UNDERSTAND
ALL THE STUFF IN THE BOOK?
- WELL, I'LL TEACH YOU.
I'LL COACH YOU, STEP
BY STEP, BIT BY BIT.
- THAT'S ALL WE'RE GOING TO DO?
- UNTIL YOU LEARN TO THINK.
NOW, LET'S GET STARTED.
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION.
BEFORE WE CAN LEARN
TO THINK PROPERLY,
WE MUST LEARN TO DETECT
THE COMMON FALLACIES OF LOGIC.
A FALLACY IS SIMPLY
A FALSE ARGUMENT.
UNFORTUNATELY,
THERE ARE A GREAT MANY FALLACIES
BEING SPREAD AROUND DAILY,
AND MOST OF US HAVE NOT LEARNED
HOW TO DISTINGUISH WHAT IS FALSE
FROM WHAT IS TRUE.
NOW, UNTIL WE DO, WE
CANNOT LEARN HOW TO THINK.
THEREFORE, LET US TURN
THE COLD LIGHT OF TRUTH
ON SOME WIDESPREAD FALLACIES.
OH, ISN'T THIS EXCITING, DOBIE?
- THAT'S THE WORD, EXCITING.
- NOW, FIRST, LET US EXAMINE
THE FALLACY CALLED
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- DICTO SIMPLICITER.
HEY, CATCHY TITLE.
BET YOU MAYNARD
COULD SET IT TO MUSIC.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
WHAT YOU DOING?
- OH, I WAS JUST OUT
PICKING UP SOME TIN FOIL.
- OH, SAY, YOU KNOW,
MAYNARD'S GOT A BALL OF
TIN TOIL THIS BIG AT HOME.
- OH, NO. NOW IT'S THIS BIG.
- REALLY?
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT?
- OH, I PICK IT UP
AND PUT IT IN A BALL.
- AND THEN WHAT
DO YOU DO WITH IT?
- OH, I GO OUT AND
PICK UP SOME MORE.
- OH, EXCUSE ME, I
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
GOODBYE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU CATS DOING?
- STUDYING.
- THALIA'S GOING TO TEACH ME
HOW TO THINK.
- OH, YOU WON'T LIKE IT.
- MAYNARD, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO STAY HERE,
YOU BE QUIET.
FIRST LET US EXAMINE THE
FALLACY CALLED DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- OH, WEE, WOW, WHAT A BEAT.
♪ DICTO SIMPLICITER,
DICKY DICKY DOO ♪
- SEE, I KNEW HE'D LOVE IT.
- STOP IT. STOP IT THIS MINUTE,
OR I'M LEAVING.
- KNOCK IT OFF, MAYNARD.
- FIRST LET US THE EXAMINE
THE FALLACY CALLED
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
DICTO SIMPLICITER
MEANS AN ARGUMENT
BASED ON UNQUALIFIED
GENERALIZATION.
FOR EXAMPLE, EXERCISE IS GOOD,
THEREFORE EVERYONE
SHOULD EXERCISE.
- OH, I AGREE. I THINK
EXERCISE IS WONDERFUL.
- YEAH. IT LIKE
BUILDS YOUR BODY.
- THAT'S WHY I LIKE
NICE LONG WALKS.
THEY DEVELOP YOUR LEG MUSCLES.
YOU KNOW, I GOT THE
SECOND BIGGEST CALVES
IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
- NO KIDDING?
- WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?
NOW, THE ARGUMENT IS
A FALLACY. IS IT NOT TRUE.
OH, WHEN YOU SAY
EXERCISE IS GOOD,
YOU MUST QUALIFY IT, YOU SEE?
- UH-HUH.
- FOR SOME PEOPLE
EXERCISE IS NOT GOOD.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU
HAVE A HEART ATTACK
OR A KIDNEY
CONDITION OR LIKE THAT.
SO YOU CAN'T JUST
SAY EXERCISE IS GOOD.
YOU MUST SAY EXERCISE
IS USUALLY GOOD,
OR EXERCISE IS GOOD
FOR MANY PEOPLE.
- BUT YOU MUST QUALIFY IT FIRST.
- QUALIFY IT, YEAH.
- DON'T YOU SEE?
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- I GOT A QUESTION.
- YES?
- WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST?
- BIGGEST WHAT?
- THE BIGGEST CALVES
IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
- OH, MILTON ARMITAGE.
HIS ARE BIGGER. I'LL ADMIT THAT.
MINE ARE HARDER, AND
THAT'S WHAT COUNTS. HERE.
- ONE MORE CHANCE,
DOBIE, AND THEN I'M WALKING.
THIS TIME IT'S FOREVER.
- OKAY. OKAY. QUIET, MAYNARD.
- NOW, NEXT WE TAKE UP POST HOC.
- POST HOC, NO BEAT.
- SHH.
- HERE IS AN EXAMPLE.
LET'S NOT TAKE
BILL ON OUR PICNIC.
EVERY TIME WE
TAKE HIM, IT RAINS.
- SAY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW
A GUY JUST LIKE THAT,
WALTER FUNK.
REMEMBER HIM, MAYNARD?
- SURE. A LITTLE FAT
GUY WITH GLASSES.
- YEAH. THAT'S THE
ONE. REMEMBER,
EVERY TIME WE
TOOK HIM ON A PICNIC,
OR TO A BALLGAME OR LIKE
THAT, IT RAINED BUCKETS.
- YEAH. I WONDER
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM.
- PROBABLY DROWNED
IN A RAINSTORM.
- NO! DON'T YOU SEE? THE
ARGUMENT IS A FALLACY!
IT WOULD HAVE RAINED
WHETHER WALTER
FUNKY WAS THERE OR NOT.
HE DIDN'T CAUSE
IT, DON'T YOU SEE?
AND FOR YOUR
FURTHER INFORMATION,
YOU'VE JUST BLOWN YOUR
LAST CHANCE WITH ME.
I'M THROUGH WITH
YOU, THIS IS THE END!
- CAREFUL WHEN YOU TAKE IT OFF,
YOU'LL BREAK THE CHAIN.
YEAH, SHE BROKE THE CHAIN.
- TOUGH, GOOD BUDDY.
- MAYNARD, HOW AM I
EVER GOING TO GET THALIA?
- YOU AIN'T. SO WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE THE OTHER?
- WHITNEY? SHE'S A KOOK.
- YEAH. BUT SHE'S
AN AVAILABLE KOOK.
- TRUE.
AND WHEN A GUY NEEDS CHICKS
THE WAY YOU NEED CHICKS,
YOU BETTER GRAB
WHAT'S AVAILABLE.
- YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
- BELIEVE ME, DOBE,
THAT AIN'T NO FALLACY.
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO DO IT.
- GOOD LUCK, GOOD BUDDY.
- THANKS.
- YEAH. I'LL DIG YOU LIKE LATER.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- TO PICK UP SOME MORE TIN FOIL.
- HI, WHITNEY.
- HELLO, FELLOW.
- WHITNEY, I DON'T MEAN TO PRY,
BUT HAVE YOU FOUND
A STEADY GUY YET?
- NO. AND THE SANDS OF
TIME ARE RUNNING OUT.
I GROW MORE
INSECURE BY THE HOUR.
DO YOU HAVE ANYONE IN MIND?
- ME.
- SPLENDID.
WE'LL START TONIGHT.
- UH-HUH.
- I'LL GET THE
CONVERTIBLE FROM DADDY,
OR THE TOWN CAR IF
THE WEATHER ISN'T FINE.
- THAT WOULD BE NICE.
- JUST A MINUTE!
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
- YES?
- HE'S MINE, AND BUTT OUT.
- BUT, THALIA, LAST
NIGHT YOU SAID...
- THAT WAS LAST
NIGHT, THIS IS TODAY.
- YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME BACK?
- OF COURSE.
- I'M CONFUSED.
- IT'S SIMPLE, DOBE.
SHE ONLY WANTS YOU WHEN
SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS YOU.
- NO, THALIA.
THIS TIME I'M NOT COMING BACK.
- OH, DON'T BE
SILLY. YOU LOVE ME.
LOOK AT THESE TEETH AND
THIS FACE AND THIS BODY.
- YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT, DOBE.
- THAT'S A FACT.
- YES. SHE DOES HAVE A
CERTAIN FOLKSY CHARM.
WHILE I, ON THE
OTHER HAND, AM RICH.
- YOU, ON THE
OTHER HAND, SHUT UP.
DOBIE, DARLING, COME BACK.
- THALIA, I AM A
MAN WITH FEELINGS.
I'M NOT A YO-YO TO BE SENT AWAY
AND PULLED BACK WHENEVER
THE MOOD STRIKES YOU.
NOW, IF I COME BACK THIS TIME,
YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE
ME IT'S FOR ALWAYS.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE. I PROMISE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
I GET TIRED OF YOU.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
- YES.
- STEADIES?
- STEADIES?
- YEAH. UH-HUH.
- ALL RIGHT.
OH, HERE'S MY HI-WI PIN.
THE CHAIN'S BROKEN
AND THE CATCH IS BROKEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGURE
OUT SOME WAY TO KEEP IT ON.
- I'LL FIGURE IT OUT, DOBIE.
- YES, MY DARLING.
YES, MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL.
- AGAIN WHAT YOU'RE
DOING TO MY SECURITY.
- YOU'RE NOT HELPING
MINE MUCH EITHER.
NOW, IF YOU YOUNG
LOVERS CAN SUCCEED
IF DISENGAGING
YOURSELVES TEMPORARILY,
I'D LIKE TO START THE CLASS.
OPEN YOUR BOOKS TO PAGE 281.
DOES ANYONE HERE HAPPEN TO
KNOW HOW I GOT INTO TEACHING? NO?
WELL, IF YOU FIND
OUT, TELL ME, WILL YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, HERBERT.
HERE HE COMES NOW.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
WINNIE, I AM NOT...
- YOU BETTER.
- ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
- YOU BET.
I'LL BE WAITING UPSTAIRS.
- OH, COME ON IN HERE, BOY.
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU ARE?
- YEAH. COME ON, BOY.
LET'S YOU AND I HAVE
A HEART TO HEART TALK
AND GET TO UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER BETTER.
- DAD, I'VE GOT A DATE.
- BREAK IT.
- WITH THALIA.
- BREAK IT.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I SAID BREAK IT.
YOUR MOTHER WANTS US TO
HAVE A HEART TO HEART TALK
AND GET TO UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER BETTER,
AND BY GEORGE, THAT IS
WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.
- DAD, LISTEN TO ME.
WHAT DO WE WANT TO
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER FOR?
WE'VE GOT SUCH A
SOLID RELATIONSHIP NOW.
GOOD, CLEAN, HONEST HOSTILITY.
I MEAN, WE KNOW WHERE
WE STAND. WHY LOUSE IT UP?
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE RIGHT, BOY.
- SURE, DAD. SEE YOU LATER.
- SEE YOU LATER, TOO.
- OH, DAD, I DON'T
SUPPOSE YOU'D LET ME
HAVE SOME MONEY, WOULD YOU?
- THAT'S MY DOBIE WHO SAID THAT.
- YOU MEAN YOU WILL?
- I MEAN GET OUT OF
HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU.
- GOOD OLD DAD.
- YEAH.
- HI, MOM.
- HI, DEAR.
- BOY, DON'T MAKE
ME TELL YOU NO AGAIN.
IT'S A... WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER, WINNIE.
WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
- YEAH. I HAD A DATE
WITH THALIA, ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN CALL IT A DATE.
- NO. NO. NO.
DOBIE. NOW, I'LL TRY ONCE MORE,
AND PLEASE, PLEASE,
TRY TO CONCENTRATE.
- OKAY.
- OKAY.
NOW, THE FALLACY IS
CALLED FALSE ANALOGY.
AN ANALOGY IS A
COMPARISON BETWEEN THINGS.
GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
- OKAY. FALSE ANALOGY.
- OH, HI, WHITNEY.
- BON JOUR, FELLOW.
- BON JOUR, FELLOW.
- HERE, SIRS.
- NEVER MIND... PAY
ATTENTION TO THE LOGIC.
- YES, THALIA.
- NOW, FALSE ANALOGY.
HERE'S AN EXAMPLE.
STUDENTS SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO LOOK AT THEIR TEXTBOOKS
DURING AN EXAM.
AFTER ALL, SURGEONS
HAVE X-RAYS TO GUIDE THEM
DURING AN OPERATION.
LAWYERS HAVE BRIEFS TO
GUIDE THEM DURING A TRIAL.
CARPENTERS HAVE BLUEPRINTS
TO GUIDE THEM WHEN
THEY BUILD A HOUSE.
SO WHY SHOULDN'T STUDENTS
BE ALLOWED TO
LOOK AT THEIR BOOKS
DURING AN EXAMINATION?
- RIGHT. BEST IDEA
I'VE HEARD IN YEARS.
- DOBIE, IT'S A FALLACY. NOW,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? THINK.
THINK. THINK.
- SURE IT'S A FALLACY.
DOCTORS, LAWYERS, CARPENTERS,
THEY'RE NOT TAKING
TESTS TO FIND OUT
IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING,
BUT STUDENTS ARE.
SO HOW CAN YOU
MAKE A COMPARISON?
- RIGHT. 100% RIGHT.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- OH, YOU CAN THINK.
YOU'RE NOT ALTOGETHER DUMB.
- YEAH.
- NOW WASN'T IT WORTH
ALL THAT WORK AND STUDY?
- YEAH. I GUESS SO.
- OH, I KNOW SO,
BECAUSE NOW ONE
THING IS OBVIOUS TO ME.
YOU HAVE GOT A BRAIN.
- OH, DICTO SIMPLICITER.
- DO WHAT?
- YOU JUST MADE A
DICTO SIMPLICITER.
HOW CAN YOU SAY FLATLY
THAT I'VE GOT A BRAIN?
YOU'VE GOT TO QUALIFY IT.
SAY I MIGHT HAVE A BRAIN.
OR IT'S POSSIBLE I HAVE A BRAIN,
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
GOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE
TO MAKE A GENERALIZATION.
- OH, I'VE GOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT A
WHOLE CAKE TO KNOW IT'S GOOD.
- OH, FALSE ANALOGY.
I'M NOT A CAKE. I'M A FELLA.
- WELL, MY GOODNESS,
YOU HAVE LEARNED YOUR LOGIC.
- UH-HUH. YEAH.
- AND I'M PROUD OF YOU.
RIGHT BEFORE MY BEAUTIFUL EYES
I'VE SEEN A LUMP OF CLAY
TURN INTO A THINKING MACHINE.
- YEAH. I'M KIND OF
PROUD OF MYSELF.
AND I AM GRATEFUL TO
YOU, THALIA, REALLY I AM,
FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO THINK.
- OH, FORGET IT.
WELL, WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU, THALIA,
BUT NOW THAT I'VE
LEARNED TO THINK,
THE FIRST THING I'M
GOING TO DO IS DUMP YOU.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
I'M LEAVING YOU.
I'M THINKING AT
LAST, THANKS TO YOU,
AND I'M THINKING I GOT
NO FUTURE WITH YOU.
- OH, BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- TRUE. I LOVE YOU
AND YOU LOVE MONEY.
SO MAYBE YOU STICK
WITH ME A FEW MONTHS,
MAYBE EVEN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
BUT FINALLY A GUY WITH
MONEY COMES ALONG
AND TAKES A LOOK AT
THOSE BEAUTIFUL EYES
AND THOSE TEETH AND
THAT HEAD AND THAT BODY,
AND IT'S GOODBYE, DOBIE.
SO LET ME SAY IT
FIRST. GOODBYE, THALIA.
- DOBIE.
- YOU CAN KEEP THE HI-WI PIN.
BYE, THALIA.
- [ WHINING ]
- WHITNEY, MY DEAR?
- YES, FELLOW.
- WHITNEY, I'VE RECENTLY
LEARNED TO THINK.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU.
- THANK YOU.
AND I'VE MADE UP MY MIND
TO ACCEPT YOUR OFFER.
I'LL GO STEADY WITH YOU.
- THE BOAT HAS SAILED.
- BOAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I HAVE BEEN
WATCHING YOU, FELLOW.
I HAVE BEEN WATCHING
THAT THALIA PERSON
TEACHING YOU HOW TO THINK,
AND I KNEW IT WAS
ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
UNTIL SHE SUCCEEDED TOTALLY.
AND FELLOW, I DON'T
WANT A BOY WHO CAN THINK.
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE A BOY WHO CAN
THINK IS A BOY WHO CAN PLOT,
AND A BOY WHO CAN PLOT
IS A BOY WHO CAN SCHEME,
AND HOW COULD I HAVE A BOY
LIKE THAT FOR MY SECURITY?
- I SEE. LISTEN, WHITNEY,
I DON'T THINK ALL
THAT GOOD, HONEST.
- TOO LATE.
I HAVE SELECTED ANOTHER.
- WHO?
- LIKE, HI.
- MAYNARD.
- COME SIT BY ME, FELLOW.
- MAYNARD, MY BEST FRIEND.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
- WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
- OH, MAYNARD.
- BUT YOU'RE WITH THALIA
AREN'T YOU? I MEAN, WEREN'T YOU?
- OH NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT MAYNARD.
- I MEAN, I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU...
- HERE, YOU TAKE
HER IF YOU WANT HER.
- ALL RIGHT. SIT DOWN,
MAYNARD. YOU KEEP HER.
I WISH YOU A LONG
LIFE AND HAPPINESS,
BOTH OF YOU.
ME, I'LL-I'LL GET ALONG SOMEHOW.
- WHAT'S WITH HIM?
- HE'S LEARNED TO THINK.
- POOR DEVIL.
- MAYNARD, PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
PROMISE ME YOU'LL
NEVER LEARN HOW TO THINK.
- OH, NOT A CHANCE.
NOT A CHANCE.
- LONELINESS ISN'T TOO BAD
ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT.
- YOU DON'T NEED TO BE
LONELY ANYMORE, GOOD BUDDY.
I'M BACK WITH YOU.
- WHAT ABOUT WHITNEY?
- MOVED TO CLEVELAND.
HER FATHER'S, LIKE,
BUILDING A BRIDGE.
YEAH. I WONDER WHAT THEY
NEED WITH A BRIDGE IN CLEVELAND?
- GEE, I'M SORRY, MAYNARD.
- OH, I DON'T MIND,
BECAUSE IT'S YOU AND
ME AGAIN, GOOD BUDDY.
JUST YOU AND ME,
AND THAT'S THE WAY
IT WILL ALWAYS BE.
- I'M AFRAID SO, MAYNARD.
NO OFFENSE, BUT I'M AFRAID SO.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪