The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 3, Episode 1 - Lucy and the Good Skate - full transcript

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I still don't see why you
want to ruin this dress.

I'm not going to ruin it.

I just want you to shorten it.

They're wearing
them short this year.

Okay, I'll shorten it.

All right.

Viv, I don't want you to cut it!



I just want you to
turn the hem up.

They might be wearing
'em long next year.

Turn that big hem up?

It'll be up under your chin.

Oh, come on, now,
Viv, do it for me.

I fixed yours the way
you wanted it... skintight.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, boy, I sure want to wow 'em

at the country club
tomorrow night.

Lucille, would you mind
sitting this dance out?

Come on, come
on, slow down, girl.

I'm sorry. I'm so
excited about the dance.

Every eligible bachelor
in town will be there.



Yup, all two of 'em.

Come on, now. You
know you're just as excited

about this dance as I am.

Uh-huh.

You know, it's gonna
be a really fancy do.

They're having a buffet
and a reception line.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And they're even having a
doorman announce the people.

- Mm-hmm.
- Ma?

- Yes, dear?
- The guys want to know what time

next Sunday morning.

Oh.

Time for what Sunday morning?

Don't you remember?

Well, sort of.

Gee whiz. It's Sitting Bull
Day for the Indian Braves.

You're supposed to
take the whole tribe

out to the fairgrounds.

Oh. Oh, oh.

Uh, 9:00, dear.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Forgot?

How could anybody forget
Sitting Bull's birthday?

Oh, for heaven's sake, Viv.

I've been so excited
about this dance,

I've been neglecting my kids.

I completely forgot about
Jerry's Indian outing.

Lucy, you've been to ten
tribal functions this month.

Even a real Indian
could forget one.

Isn't this hem too low?

No, the hem isn't too low.

Your ankles are too high.

Mother?

Yeah, dear.

Don't worry if I'm
not home for lunch.

Oh, okay. Got a skating date?

Well, not exactly.

I'm going skating by myself.

Alone? Why no date?

Because I broke up with Wendell.

- Who's Wendell?
- Who's Wendell?!

Mother, Wendell is the
boy I was going steady with

for three whole days!

Oh, Viv, this is ter...

I'm a terrible mother.

I didn't even know
about Wendell.

Lucy, don't feel bad, honey.

It's easier to keep track
of the French presidents

than it is a
teenager's boyfriends.

Well, it worries me.

Chris and I are getting
farther and farther apart.

Oh, now, you still fit
in lots of her clothes.

No. Come on, now. Be serious.

I hardly do anything
for Chris anymore.

You do, too.

Name one thing I do for her.

Well, you send her
to the store a lot.

See what I mean?

And she's at
such a critical age.

Gee, it seems like overnight,

she took her fingers
out of her mouth

and stuck 'em in
a telephone dial.

So she's growing up.

Well, it's not that simple.

I-I've just got to start doing
more things with Chris.

Now, what more can you do?

Well, for one thing,

I-I could have gone
roller-skating with her.

Roller-skating?!

By golly, that's just
what I'm going to do.

I'm going down to Carlisle's
sporting goods store

and buy some skates.

Now, listen, Lucy.
Mr. Mooney said

if he caught you buying
one more luxury item,

he was going to kill you.

Oh, Mr. Mooney. And
he's not going to catch me.

All I'm gonna buy is skates,
and those are a necessity

if it's gonna bring
me any closer

to my daughter.

Come on, get me out of this.

- Oh, Lucy, this is so silly.
- Come on, zip it.

You don't know how to skate.

Well, it'll all come...

You haven't been
on a pair of skates

- for years and years and years.
- Never mind.

Never mind, Viv. It'll
all come back to me.

Oh, it'll all come back to you.

Yeah, I'll practice a little
before I go with Chris.

You better practice a little.

Come on, let's get going.

Okay, wait till I fix my hair.

Oh, come on, Viv.

You're not gonna
worry about your hair.

I am not going to go downtown

with all these
curlers in my hair.

No one is going to
see you but Mr. Carlisle,

and he's 80 years old.

Yeah, but he's one of
the two eligible bachelors

in this town.

Viv, for heaven's sake.

Oh, Lucy, single
women can go down.

- I'm looking for a husband.
- Oh.

Married women
don't dare go d... Oh...

Why I had to come all
the way downtown with you

just so you could
buy a pair of skates.

I have other shopping to do.

Oh, Viv, just stay with
me for a few moments,

and then you can do
your other shopping.

- Okay.
- Just don't let me buy anything

but a pair of
skates, that's all.

Oh, I will do my best.

Mr. Carlisle?

Mr. Carlisle?

May I help you?

Oh, you're not Mr. Carlisle.

Not unless there's a fountain
of youth behind that curtain.

No, I'm Walter Kendricks.

Mr. Carlisle's out to lunch.

May I help you?

Oh, uh, you mean you work here?

Yes, Mr. Carlisle
has just hired me.

Well, if you work here, uh,
you must live here in town.

That's right.

Uh, well, how does your
wife like it here in Danfield?

I'm not married.

- Bingo!
- Bingo!

You want a bingo set.

- No, no.
- No, no, no, no, bingo set, no.

No, I'd like a pair
of roller skates...

Indoor roller skates.

All right, I'll show
you what I have.

"You don't have to take
the curlers out of your hair."

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Well, I thought
we looked all right

to come to a
sporting goods store.

We do. We both
look like Yogi Berra.

How is this for style?

Oh, that's just fine.

Now, what size do you take?

Uh, five and a half.

You know you take an eight.

I will get my foot
into a five and a half.

What are you going
to do with your toes,

carry them in your pocket?

Never mind.

Would you follow me, please?

Oh, would I.

I'm the one buying the skates.

I just want to watch.

Let's try these.

It seems tight.

Oh, no, it's-it's
fine, it's fine.

Really, Mrs...?

Uh, uh, Carmichael.

But you-you can call me
by my first name: Lucy.

My name's Vivian.

But you can call me Viv.

You can call me anything.

Anytime.

Doesn't that seem a bit tight?

No, it's fine.

What makes you think it's tight?

For one thing, I can't
get the shoehorn out.

Oh, well, well, once you get
the shoehorn out, it'll be fine.

You know, someone
with feet as nice as yours

should be sure
and get a good fit.

Oh, really?

Well, of course.

In Europe, long,
slender feet like yours

are a sign of great beauty.

I wear a nine.

Double X.

She stamps out fires.

Let's try another pair.

I want to take special care
to see that you get a good fit.

Oh, thank you.

Viv. Viv.

Huh?

Haven't you got some
other shopping to do?

Yes, I have.

Right here.

I've suddenly gotten terribly
interested in sporting goods.

Besides, honey, I want
to stay right here with you

and see that you get a good fit.

How much is it, Walter?

That's, uh, $59.60
for you, Lucy.

And $8.50 for you, Viv.

You sure are a good adder, Walt.

- Charge it.
- All right.

Mine, too.

I'll get your other packages.

Okay.

Oh, boy, were you ridiculous,
buying all those silly things

just so you could talk
a little longer to Walter.

I was ridiculous?

You're the one that
bought the three beanbags

and the polo whip.

Well, you never can tell when
you might want to whip a polo.

There you are.

Well, thank you.

Well, uh, don't forget, uh,
the dance tomorrow night.

You'll be there?

Oh, I wouldn't
miss it for the world.

Especially if both you
ladies will be there.

Yeah, we'll be there.

Good-bye.

- Good-bye, Walter.
- Bye, Walter.

So long. Bye.

- Viv.
- What?

- Mr. Mooney!
- Mr. Mooney?!

If he sees me with this
stuff, he'll clobber me.

And he'll use me for the club.

- Oh, we gotta hide.
- Gotta hide...

- Where, where, Lucy?
- Come here.

He's coming.

Hello? Anybody here?

Yes, sir, may I help you?

Oh, yes, I'm having
a shotgun repaired,

and some compressed
air cartridges

put in my inflatable boat.

Oh, yes, you're Mr., uh...?

- Mooney, Theodore J., yes.
- Ah, yes, Mr. Mooney.

Your boat is all
ready for you, sir.

I put in a new cartridge and
I fixed the release for you.

Oh, good. Thank you.

Now, your shotgun's been
repaired, but it will take me

a little while to assemble it.

Well, that's all
right. I'm in no hurry.

You just take your
time. I'll browse.

Yes, sir.

♪♪

♪♪

All right, Mrs. Carmichael.

How'd you know it was me?

Smokey the Bear told me.

And I see you have
Bullwinkle with you.

That's a pretty
sneaky way to catch us.

You know we're both
susceptible to a mating call.

What are you
doing in this store?

I wasn't buying anything; I
was just window-shopping.

Oh, well, the last time
you went window-shopping,

you bought everything,
including the window!

- Well, not this time.
- Oh, she's just looking this time,

- just looking around.
- Yeah, just looking and dreaming

of a time I'd have
my allowance again.

Yeah, w-we got to go.

- See you.
- Bye, bye.

Ladies.

Don't forget your packages.

Mrs. Carmichael, you have
been on another buying spree.

No, I haven't.

Why must you go through a store

like a shark through
a school of herring?!

Well, I really...
I'll see you later.

Oh, no, no, don't!
Don't! Don't pull that!

Get it back into place...

I don't know!

Come on, let's get out of here.

- Aunt Viv.
- Yeah?

Where's Mom?

Uh, she's out.

She'll be back pretty soon.

Oh, has she got
a surprise for you.

Ooh, what kind?

Now, if I told you, it wouldn't
be a surprise, would it?

- Chrissy.
- Yeah?

Give me a bite of your cake.

I thought you were on a diet.

Only during meals.

Now, come on, Chrissy,
just one bite of that cake.

Uh-uh, you can't have it.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Audrey.

No, she isn't here.

She's out roller-skating.

Yes, roller-skating.

I know, she thought she
and Chrissy were doing a...

Audrey, there's some...

Some of those kids are
throwing rocks at the door again.

I'll see you at the dance, huh?

Okay, yeah, tonight.

Okay, bye-bye.

If you throw one
more rock at that door,

I'm gonna tell your
mother and your father.

I have to...

What happened?

Everything.

Why have you got your skates on?

Because I couldn't get 'em off.

My feet are so swollen.

So is everything else.

Oh, I was silly to try this.

Oh, it didn't all come
back to you, huh?

No, nothing came back
to me but the falling.

Where does it hurt, honey?

Name it, it hurts.

My arm hurts, my leg
hurts, my ankle hurts.

Oh, and, boy, does that hurt.

Wait a minute, I'll fix
you some pillows, honey.

How did you get home?!

I drove home.

Boy, you haven't lived till you
shifted gears in roller skates.

Oh, honey.

You shouldn't have driven.

Well, what else could I do?

I couldn't stand still in one
place long enough to hitchhike.

Here.

Bend down, now sit.

Aah!

- Oh...
- Lucy...

Oh, boy.

How'd you like the
new roller-skating rink?

I hear it's beautiful.

I wouldn't know.

All I saw was the ceiling.

I crashed into everything
there was there,

including the popcorn machine.

Poor little thing.

Come on, let's get
those skates off.

Oh, be careful, be careful.

My feet are very unhappy.

Oh, I'll bet they are.

You know, when you
get these tight shoes off,

your ankles are going
to swell up like balloons.

I know.

Oh, Lucy, it'll be days

before you can squeeze
your feet back into shoes again.

Hold it.

Why?

No shoes, no dance tonight.

So?

No dance, no Walter Kendricks.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, you poor little thing.

You're going to have
to miss the dance.

Hold it, I'm not
missing anything.

So long as I keep these
shoes nice and tight,

it'll keep the swelling down.

Well, you certainly can't
go to a dance with skates on.

Well, I can't go with shoes on.

Well, you certainly
can't go with skates on.

What'll the people
say when they see 'em?

What'll you say to them?

Will you say, uh, "I happened
to be in the neighborhood,

so I just sort of rolled in"?

Hold it.

I'm not going to say anything,

because they're
not going to see 'em.

What do you mean by that?

Did you take up the
hem on my dress?

Certainly I took it up.

Well, lower it.

Mr. and Mrs. Tom Baldridge.

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Maurer.

Mrs. Lucille Carmichael.

Good evening, Mr. Mooney.

Well, Mrs. Carmichael,
that was quite an entrance.

Even for you.

Well-Well, I have
on some new shoes,

and they're rather slippery.

New shoes... How
much did they cost?

Oh, Mr. Mooney, can't
you forget about business

even for one night?

For heaven's sake.

Where's Mrs. Mooney tonight?

Oh, she couldn't attend.

She had to go to a karate class.

I didn't know that
she was taking karate.

I didn't either until the
other morning at breakfast.

She chopped me.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go to the buffet table.

I'm a buffet buff, you know?

Mrs. Vivian Bagley.

Hello. Vivian. Vivian. Vivian.

Hello, Mr. Mooney.

Why didn't you wait for me?

How did I know it was downhill

all the way from
the parking lot?

Have you seen Walter Kendricks?

I came in here so fast,
I didn't see anybody.

Oh.

Listen, let me, let me
lean on you, will ya, Viv?

Okay. Hi, there.

Oh, there's Walter.

Where?! Where?!

Warn me before you move!

Hello, Walter.

Excuse me.

Hi, Walter.

- Hello, Vivian.
- Hi.

- Hello, Lucy.
- Hello, Walter.

How about a glass of
punch? Can I bring you some?

Oh, I'll go with you.

Oh, that would be...

How about you, Lucy?

Well, no, I'll stay
here with the pole.

I mean, I'll stay
here by the pole.

I'll just stay here.

- That's nice. Come on, Walter, let's go.
- All right.

I don't really like to eat
at night, but a buffet...

Ooh, what do we got?
What do we have, huh?

Oh, look at the wheat bread.

Oh, look at the ravioli and ham

and all of that marvelous st...

I thought I would
join you after all.

Say, why don't we
have something to eat

while it's not so crowded?

Oh, that's a good idea, yes.

Yes. Oh! Everything
looks so wonderful.

Here you are, Lucy.

I think I'd like some meatballs,

and, oh, and a little piece
of that ham and some...

pickles.

Oh, you're a wonderful
dancer, Walter.

Oh, Lucy, Walter is the
most wonderful dancer!

How about a dance, Lucy?
You haven't danced all evening.

Oh, well, thank you, Walter,
but I'm really not in the mood.

Can I bring you a cup of punch?

Oh, that would be nice.

- All right. Excuse me.
- Thank you.

Do you have to dance

every dance with him?!

Oh, don't be such a sorehead.

I've only danced
five dances with him.

Some pal you are.

Just because you know I can't
dance, you're monopolizing him.

Oh, okay, I'll find
somebody else to dance with,

and you can sit this one
out with him, all right?

- Thank you.
- All right.

Uh, Mr. Mooney? Mr. Mooney?

Would you like to dance?

Why, yes.

Do you know someone?

I meant me.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

You don't mind?

Waiter, would you
help me up, please?

Of course.

Thank you.

Oh, waiter!

Be careful! Careful!

- Look out!
- Make room for her!

Oh!

Look out! Look out!

I've decided to dance.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

When-When did they
put in that fish pond?

Oh!

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