The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 2, Episode 28 - Lucy Enters a Baking Contest - full transcript

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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Oh, darn. I was afraid
you had that ten of spades.

Come on, Kathleen. Play.



I'm trying to decide
which card to lead.

Ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah. No signaling.

Who was signaling?

I was just getting the
lint off my diamond ring.

Oh!

Thanks a lot, Lucy.

Cheaters never prosper.

Oh, never mind.

Now, that's 3,500 to 120.

We won, Viv.

Oh, good.

For the 13th week in a row.

Say, Viv, what'd
you make this week?

Raspberry layer cake.



Oh!

Oh, it looks divine!

Mmm. It is divine.

Oh, say, Viv,
you've done it again.

You're a wonderful cook, Vivian.

Oh, well, my grandmother
and my mother

were both wonderful cooks.

So I really couldn't
help be a good cook.

It's a family trait.

Like modesty.

Oh, now, that's not a
very nice thing to say, Lucy,

just because you
don't know how to cook.

What do you mean, I
don't know how to cook?

I had a mother and a
grandmother, too, you know.

Oh, let's face it,
the only thing you

know how to cook is a
peanut butter sandwich.

Is that so?

Yes, that's so.

Do you remember
those chocolate brownies

she made for the bazaar,

that PTA bazaar? Girls,
you remember that?

- Oh, no.
- Remember?

We made a lot of money
off of them, though.

We sold them for a dollar
apiece to use as paperweights.

You know, I'll show you
whether I can cook or not.

I'll make the dessert for
next week's bridge game.

You'll make the dessert?

- Yes.
- Are you ready, girls?

How would you like your
peanut butter sandwich...

With chocolate
sauce or à la mode?

How you coming with your cake?

Oh, Lucy, you took that
out of the oven too soon.

It'll fall.

Viv, I'll make my cakes.
You make your cakes, okay?

Okay.

Now, don't take that
off while the cake's hot,

because it'll stick to the pan.

I don't need any advice
from the world's greatest cook.

Did you put enough
egg whites in the frosting?

Yes, I did.

Now, you can't frost
a cake while it's hot.

I know that.

Do you want me
to frost it for you?

Please, Mother! I'd
rather do it myself!

Okay.

Hmm. It's not bad.

Here are the girls.

Oh.

Oh, no!

No. No, no, no, please.

Please, don't.

Oh, dear. Please,
cake, come back up.

Please. Please!

Oh, no.

Oh...

Oh, please.

Oh...

And so, gentlemen, I
suggest we approve the loan

to the McQuillen
Construction Company.

We certainly have need here in
Danfield for additional housing.

Mrs. Hutton, I
thought I told you

I didn't want to be interrupted.

I know, sir, but you have a
very important telephone call.

She says it's a
matter of life or death.

Oh, really? Really?

Excuse me, gentlemen. Who is it?

Mrs. Carmichael.

Hello?

Mr. Mooney, are you still
coming by my house this afternoon

at 3:30 with those papers
you want me to sign?

Yes.

Will you... will you please...

Will you please go
by Trumbull's Bakery

and would you please pick up

a large sunshine
cake with white icing?

Mrs. Carmichael,
is this your idea

of a matter of life or death?

Believe me, Mr. Mooney, if I
don't get that cake, I'm dead.

Look, Mrs. Carmichael, I'm
in a meeting. I can't possibly...

Mr. Mooney. Mr. Mooney,
have I ever asked you

to do me a favor before?

Hundreds of times.

Oh.

Well, have I ever asked you

to pick up a sunshine
cake with white icing before?

There you have me.

Good. Then it's all
settled. Now, listen.

When you get here,
sneak in the kitchen door

and put the cake on a
plate that I'll leave there.

And then come around

to the front door
like you just got here.

Yes-Yes, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Good-bye, good-bye.

Oh, say, Viv, I ran
into Thelma Green

down at the Danfield
Tribune today.

She said you were going to enter

that pie baking
contest again this year.

That's right.

Yeah, well, then
I may not enter.

Me, either. You always win, Viv.

Oh, don't be such poor sports.

After all, I've only won
that pie baking contest

five years in a row.

What about you, Lucy? Are
you going to enter the contest?

- Well...
- Lucy? Oh...

She gave up
after the first year.

You know, she was
the only contestant

who forgot to turn her oven on.

Well, we all make
mistakes, Vivian.

How about that, Kathleen?

We did it again.
Double and redouble.

Hot dog. Good, partner.

We may beat them yet.

What goody did you
make for dessert, Viv?

Oh, I didn't make
the goody today.

Don't you remember?

Lucille wanted to make
the dessert for today.

Oh. Well, what are
we having, Lucy?

Sunshine cake with white icing.

Oh, that sounds delicious.

One club.

Uh, pass. Lucy, don't you think

it's time for you
to ice your cake?

No. There's no hurry.

I'll do it pretty
soon. One heart.

Pass.

One no-trump.

Uh, two diamonds.

Lucy, while I'm dummy,

I can go out and ice it
for you, if you want me to.

No, no. I'll do it. Uh, pass.

Pass.

Two no-trump.

You know,

you're acting funny
about that cake.

Did it, by any
chance, fall? Pass.

A cake of mine, fall?
Don't be ridiculous.

Three no Trumbull. Trump!

- Pass.
- Pass.

Pass.

Lucy?

What?

If your cake was a failure,
don't be afraid to admit it.

I baked some nice
cream puffs yesterday.

There's several of them out in
the icebox. We can have those.

Viv, we are going to have
a beautiful cake for dessert.

We do not need your
day-old baked goods.

I will match my
day-old baked goods

against anything you can bake.

Oh, is that so?

It happens to be so.

Well, that's not a
very nice thing to say.

Girls, please. Please. Lucy.

If I get a chance I do
pretty good things out there,

but I can never
get in the kitchen.

Lucy, Lucy, since
you're the dummy,

go out in the
kitchen, ice the cake,

bring the cake
in, show it to Viv.

Viv, you look at it
and stop yakking

and let's play bridge, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Lucy, go ice the cake.

Come on, Lucy! Let's play!

Lucy, come on.

Well, here it is.

Oh, it looks delicious.

Ah, ah, ah.

No samples until I cut it.

Oh, that is absolutely
beautiful, Lucy.

That is the most beautiful
cake I've ever seen.

Well, are we going
to play bridge or not?

Deal, Kathleen.

Viv, Kathleen and I decided

to enter the pie baking contest

just to keep you company.

Oh, that's fine!

Well, that's it.

We bid four and made four.

Oh. That's game.
You and Kathleen won.

Good.

Now, time for Lucy's cake.

Um, uh, let's say we play
a few more hands, huh?

Oh, no, Lucy. I don't
want to play anymore.

I never held a good
card all afternoon.

I never had such bad hands.

I thought perhaps we could,
you know, play a few more

because we're on
such a winning streak.

What are you
doing with my cake?!

I'm just trying to help out.

Well, uh, I'll decide
when it's time to eat,

and it's not time yet.

Lucy, the game's
over. It is too time.

- I'm sorry...
- Come on, Lucy.

It's time for dessert.

I just don't think
it's time to eat yet.

Oh, it's Mr. Mooney.

Oh. Well, by George,
maybe it is time to eat.

Hi there, Mr. Mooney.

Hi, Mrs. Carmichael. Ladies.

Nice to see you.
You're just in time

for a nice piece of cake.

Oh, Lucy, that
cake's so beautiful,

it's a shame to cut it.

You know, if I hadn't
seen you bake that

with my own eyes,

I'd swear you bought
it at Trumbull's Bakery.

Why do you say that?

That's impossible.

I just passed
there. It's closed.

See? Closed?!

That's right.

Uh, uh... You know
something, Audrey?

You're right.

It's a shame to cut this.

Why don't we have some
of Viv's lovely cream puffs?

But you said they were
day-old baked goods.

Sure. But everybody knows

that cream puffs
improve with age.

Now, Lucy. Come
on. Cut the cake.

Viv, we are not going
to cut this cake, so let go!

Oh, I will not let go.

I think there's some reason
you don't want us to cut that cake.

What do you mean by that?

Well...

Lucy, what happened to the cake?

It fell.

I told you so.

"I told you so. I told you so."

So, that's what I saw in the
wastebasket in the kitchen.

I thought somebody'd
run over a volleyball.

You don't have to worry
about our diets, Lucy.

This cake is not fattening.

Go ahead and laugh.
Go ahead and laugh.

Look, I'm going to
show you that I can cook.

I'm going to... I'm going to
enter that pie baking contest,

and I'm going to win it.

Oh, you're going to win it?

Yes, I'm going
to win it, Vivian.

Uh, Mrs. Carmichael?

What? Are you still here?

Please sign these.

Mr. Mooney, you can have a
lovely piece of sunshine cake,

if you happen to have
a can opener on you.

Will you stop that, Vivian?

Oh. I didn't know there
were people gonna be here.

Oh, yes, we have an
audience every year.

- Hello.
- Oh.

Don't forget to
turn your oven on.

Oh, I will.

- Oh, hello, Eva!
- Good luck, champ!

- Oh, thank you.
- Who's that?

That woman's been here every
year since the very first year.

She's one of my most loyal fans.

Sweet.

Attention.

Attention, everyone. Attention.

Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen, and contestants,

to the Sixth Annual
Pie Baking Contest.

Now, as you know,

we are honored
to have in our midst

a five-time winner.

Let's give a nice
hand to Vivian Bagley.

Now, each contestant
is using her own recipe.

The ingredients you requested
are at your place, girls.

That's it.

Now, assisting me this
year in judging this contest

is one of Danfield's most
distinguished citizens...

Theodore Mooney.

Oh! Mr. Mooney!

Nice to see you!

Oh, no.

With Mr. Mooney
one of the judges,

I don't stand a chance.

Oh, they don't put
the names on the pies.

They just use numbers,
so they can be impartial.

Oh. Well, then I've got as
much chance as anybody else.

Yes, you have a big chance,
until the judges taste your pie.

- Oh, Vivian, really.
- Now, ladies,

is everything arranged
the way you want it?

Now, remember, we all
start together at the signal.

And may the best pie win.

- He scared me to death.
- Mm-hmm.

Are you having a little trouble?

Well, ladies, this looks
like the best bunch of pies

we've ever had.

My! Now, maybe you'd like
to freshen up just a wee bit,

because the photographers

are going to want to
take some pictures.

And right after that, we're
going to start the judging.

Isn't mine pretty?

Number nine is in the bag.

Well, I haven't got a chance.

My pie turned out to
be a complete failure.

Really? So how'd
yours turn out, Kathleen?

Oh, it's the best
pie I ever made.

Oh!

Maybe you'll win!

No, I won't... Looked
so good, I ate it.

Oh!

Which one's yours, Lucy?

Mine is number
eight, right here.

And mine is number nine.

Well, they look alike!

Well, they may look alike,
but that one has a crust

of pure cardboard.

I don't know about
that, now, Vivian.

My crust wasn't so bad.

And you did remember
to turn on the oven.

Viv, stop picking on Lucy.

Yeah, she still has a chance.

I mean, the contest
isn't over yet.

Well, it might as well be.

Viv'll probably win anyway.

After all, she is the
best cook in town.

I don't know why I even try.

Well, I think I'll go
back and fix my face.

If I'm gonna be a loser,

I don't want to be a
loser with a shiny nose.

Oh, poor Lucy,

I wish by some
miracle she could win.

So do I.

I can top that... so do I.

Really, Viv?

Oh, the poor little thing,

I shouldn't have
picked on her like that.

I feel like a heel.

Well, it's in the hands
of the judges now.

Let's go get ready
for the photographers.

Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

Don't be...

Huh?! Wha?!

What?

Don't be nervous.

Mm-hmm. Mmm.

Oh, oh, this pie is heavenly.

Mr. Mooney, the contest.

Oh, oh, sorry, yes.

Which one do you
think is the winner?

There isn't any doubt about it.

This is it.

Oh! That one gets my vote, too.

Good, good.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the winner is number eight.

Eight! That's me!

That's my pie! I won!

Oh, that's my pie!

Oh! Oh, that's my pie!

Oh, I don't believe it!

Oh, my... Congratulations.

I'm really glad you won.

Thank you, thank you.

On behalf of the Danfield
Tribune, it gives me

great pleasure to present
you with this gold cup

for the best pie in the contest.

Oh, thank you.

And may I add the
best piece of pie

I ever put in my mouth?

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Mooney. Thank you.

Would you care
to say a few words?

Tell us how it feels
to win the cup?

Oh, no, I couldn't.

I was just lucky, that's all.

Well, all right. Ladies
and gentleman...

Well, maybe a word or two.

I-I do want to thank everyone
who was pulling for me,

and I want to say that I
had the stiffest competition

that I have ever encountered.

Especially from the winner

of the last five
years, Vivian Bagley.

I almost didn't enter
this year, you know,

because I didn't want to
compete with Mrs. Bagley

and jeopardize our friendship.

But then because of my
friendship for Mrs. Bagley,

I decided to give
her some competition

so that when she won,
she'd have a real victory.

Of course, she
didn't win, she lost,

but, well, that's how
the pie dough crumbles.

So thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's been a real thrill.

I'd forgotten how insufferable

you become with
just a little success.

What are you talking about?

Well, you can keep
the cup if you want to,

but there's something I
think you should know.

I switched the pies,

so the pie that
really won was mine.

You switched the pies?

Yes, I did.

Well, I switched 'em, too,

and then I felt guilty
and I switched 'em back,

so my pie really won.

Now this is my pie.

I'd know it anywhere.

And this is the pie that won.

This is your pie, Lucille.

That is my pie.

This is not your pie.

It is mine.

No, that is mine.

This is mine, and this is
the pie that won, Vivian!

That is my pie,
so give it to me.

Oh, wouldn't I love to?

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, wouldn't I?

Oh, no, you...

Girls, girls, girls!

Lucy, Lucy, the
photographer would like

to take a picture
of you with your pie.

Oh, all right. Thank you.

And I think that
last year's winner

should be in it, too.

Come on, Viv, honey.

Wonderful. Mr. Mooney,

would you come up
here with the girls, please?

Oh, yes.

- Mr. Mooney, would you hold the cup?
- Okay.

Thank you. You can
sort of be presenting it

- to me, you know?
- Oh, yes.

I really should
be holding the pie.

Viv, I'm the one
who won the cup.

Well, I'm the one
who baked the pie.

Vivian, will you
give me that, please?

No, I won't. I baked the pie.

- It's mine. It's mine.
- It's not yours.

Will you give it to me, please?

Oh, all right.

Oh, hi, Ted. I'm just
washing my face.

But if I didn't do things
while I used the phone,

I'd never get anything done.

Stop washing?!

Well, I went steady with
Lux long before I did with you.

Listen, Lux softens my skin...

softens while it
cleanses while I talk.

Oh, I'll fix it, Aunt Viv.

You have my undivided attention.

She gets more like
her mother every day.

The Lucy Show was
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New in luxury.

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