The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 23 - Lucy Is a Soda Jerk - full transcript

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Mom! Oh, Mom!

Oh, did I wake you, Mom?

No, I always fall on my face
when you come home from school.

Hi, Chris.

Oh, Hi, Aunt Viv.

Mom, the dreamiest
thing happened today!

Really? What's his name?

Oh, Mom, it's not a
boy. It's even better.

What's better than a boy?

The band had tryouts
for drum majorettes,



and Cynthia and I were
two of the six chosen!

Oh, honey, that's marvelous!

Oh, I knew you'd be excited!

Congratulations, darling!

We're gonna have a
celebrity in the house.

How about that?

Oh, thanks, Aunt Viv.

Gosh, it'll be a blast...

Marching with the
band, twirling a baton.

Well, Viv, like mother,
like daughter, huh?

Mom, were you a drum majorette?

Was I a drum majorette?

I want to tell you
I was a champion.

You know, I won a silver cup
for the Jamestown High School.



Did you really?

Yup, I really did.

Yep, I saw the cup.

In the freshman
preliminary twirl-off,

she was the 19th runner-up.

Well, a cup's a cup.

So, you see, Chris, you're
a chip off the old block.

Now, naturally, if
you want any help,

I'd be glad to give
you a few pointers.

Thanks.

Oh, you don't know
what a thrill you're in for...

Marching in front
of your school band,

cheering on the Danfield Bears,

strutting along, holding
your head up high

and twirling your baton.

Oh, Mom, I'll need $40.

Forty dollars?!

Uh-huh. I have to
buy a special outfit.

Chris, don't you get enough
exercise in your gym class

instead of stomping around in
front of some noisy old band?

But you just said
you were delighted.

Oh, that was $40 ago.

Why so much? When I
was a drum majorette,

my outfit only cost $7.50.

Sure, but that was a
long, long time ago.

You make it sound like our
team mascot was a dinosaur.

Well, wasn't it?

Oh, you be quiet!

I'll bet your mother gave
you the money for your outfit.

She did not. I had to get
a job and earn my money.

Oh...

Hey, that's a thought.

Maybe you could get a job.

What kind of a job?

I don't know how to do anything.

Like mother, like daughter.

Will you be quiet?!

Now, look, honey,
there must be something

that you're able to do.

How about babysitting?

No, that would take me too
long to make enough money.

Yeah, that's true.

I know what kind
of job I could get.

What?

I'll be a movie star!

Well, honey, don't you think

we could try to get
a job somewhere

between a movie
star and a babysitter?

Get it, Chris, it's for you.

How do you know it's for her?

We haven't gotten a call
since she became a teenager.

That's true.

Hello? Oh, hi, Cynthia.

Oh, what'd your mother say?

That's exactly what
my mother said.

Yeah, well, we can
get part-time jobs

and pay for the
outfits ourselves.

Oh, she did? Oh,
that sounds marvy!

Neato!

Yeah, I'll talk to you
later, okay? Bye-bye.

What? What? What?

Cynthia knows
where we can get jobs.

Where?

Her Mom knows Mr. Wilbur
at the Ice Cream Parlor,

and he said he might
hire us part-time!

Marvy!

Oh, neato!

I wonder if Doris Day
started as a soda jerk?

Here we are, Cynthia,
one chocolate soda

and a hot fudge sundae.

Thanks, Chris.

Could I try the next
order, Mr. Wilbur?

I don't know. Do you
think you're ready?

Oh, yes, sir.

I've been watching
you for two days now.

All right, here you
are, your own scoop.

Oh, look. Hi.

Doesn't she look adorable?

Anybody would look adorable
surrounded by all that ice cream.

Sit here.

All rightie. Oh, thank you.

Oh, thanks, son.

Look at that.

Ooh, there's Cynthia.
Hi, Cynthia. Hi.

How do you like your new job?

Gee, it's swell,
Mrs. Carmichael.

You look so cute in that outfit.

Thank you, Mrs. Bagley.

Congratulations on
becoming a drum majorette.

Oh, thank you, Sherman.

Aren't you going to say
something nice to Cynthia?

I'll have a banana split.

A banana split?
That'll spoil your dinner.

I know, but what
a way to spoil it.

I'll have a banana split, too.

Fine. What'll you have?

Oh, I'll just have a
small glass of, uh...

My treat.

Oh, well, then I'll have
a hot fudge sundae

with a lot of chopped
almonds on it.

Would you like a cherry on top?

No, thanks, dear. I
have to watch my figure.

Oh!

I'll have a chocolate
soda, honey.

Coming right up.

You know, I think
I'll go over there

and watch Chris while she works.

My daughter made that.

Hi, Mr. Wilbur.

Hello.

You take care of
the banana splits.

I'll take care of the rest.

Okay. It was very
nice of you, Mr. Wilbur,

to let the girls work here.

It had nothing to
do with being nice.

I need a little extra help.

Cynthia?

Hey, you do that awfully well.

Thank you.

I think those are the best
banana splits I've ever seen.

Thanks. Hurry up
with the banana splits.

Okay.

Mom...?

What?

I've got a little problem.

What is it?

Well, we have to march in
our first parade Saturday,

and payday isn't till next week,

and I was kind of wondering...

Well, I don't know
how to say this, Mom...

You were wondering
if I would loan you $40

to pay for your uniform,
and you'll pay me back.

You're a mind reader!

No, I'm a mother.

Oh, thanks a lot, Mom.

Oh, that's all right.

Anybody that can make
a banana split like that is

a very good credit risk.

Cynthia...?

Coming, Mr. Wilbur.

Here you are.

Wow!

And another.

Hey, make that a good one now.

You know, that's
for your little brother.

Okay, Mom.

Enjoy! Enjoy!

Cynthia?

Here you are.

And another.

Two banana splits.

Here they come.

There they are!

Ooh, boy!

Oh, boy, look at that!

I'm finally glad
I've got a big sister.

Viv?

Are you ready to
have some dinner?

I may never eat again

after that orgy in
the ice cream parlor.

Yeah, the boys said
they didn't want any either.

I'll bet.

Chris, are you ready, honey?

I'll be down in a second.

She wants us to
see how she looks

in her new drum
majorette outfit.

Rave about it.

Have you seen it yet?

No, not yet. Okay.

Oh, Chris, that's just precious!

Precious?!

That's scandalous!

But, Mother...!

No daughter of mine is going
to go prancing around town

in that skimpy outfit!

Mother...! Excuse me.

Mother, all drum majorettes
wear outfits like this.

That cost $40?!

Two 20s would cover you better!

Lucy, maybe she
could wear this one.

That's worse than
the one she has on.

That's the one you
wore in high school.

Where'd you get that?

It was poked down inside
your little silver loving cup.

Well, Mother...?

Oh, come on
now, let her wear it.

Well, all right.

And as long as you're
gonna march in that parade,

I think I'm going to have
to give you a few pointers

on the art of baton twirling.

Oh... Now you sit down.

Do you mind if I
stay and watch this?

No, not at all.

I've got a lot to
teach you, honey.

I'm gonna have to teach
you how to march around,

and baton twirling and throwing
it up in the air and all that.

All right.

Now, the first one
is the figure eight.

Now watch carefully, honey.

Okay.

Now, you start slowly.

See, it goes like
that; figure eight.

See that?

And then you speed
it up, and you get...

Oh, my. You know, I haven't
done this in a few years.

It'll come back to me,
though. It's like swimming.

You never completely forget.

Now here we go, figure eight.

There.

Boy, if you were 19th runner-up,
that contest had to be fixed.

Never mind.

Here you are, Mom.

I know what I'll do.

I'll show you a
wonderful trick called

"under-the-knee" trick.

Now, you twirl the
baton, you keep twirling it,

and you lift your
legs real high,

and you pass the baton under
your legs twirling it all the time.

Real flashy!

Now let's see now.

You notice the stance? Yeah.

Watch that, will you?

My insurance doesn't cover
being hit by a flying baton!

I'm sorry, but you didn't
get hit, so don't squawk.

Well, you coulda hit me.

I know. I know one.

It's called
"bounce-the-baton" bit.

You bounce the
baton on the ground

and it goes high up in the air,

and while it's up there,
you make a complete turn

and catch it in the back.

It's a beautiful trick.

Now then, let's see.

Mom, are you all right,
Mom? Does it hurt?

Oh, no, it just smarts a little.

I'll be all right,
I'll be all right.

I guess I'll go on to
the marching stuff.

I'll get a little practice later

and show you these other things.

Uh, I'll march around and
then I'll march outdoors

and I'll show you how to
throw the baton high up

in the air and catch it.

Okay. You ready? Do you want

to put on that record, Viv?

Yes.

Oh, you're gonna get the thrill
of your life, I want to tell you.

Are you ready?

Uh... yeah.

Okay.

Open the door!

Okay, Chris, stand back.

One, two, three...

and up she goes!

Sherman?

Yeah?

You see that tree
outside your window?

Yeah.

You see that branch
that looks like a baton?

Yeah.

Well, it is.

Would you reach out and get
it and bring it to me, please?

Oh, be quiet.

Here it is. Thank you, dear.

How'd it get up in the tree?

Never mind, Sherman.

Well, now, you think
you got the hang of it?

I think so, Mom.

Want to give it a
whirl? Okay, I'll try.

Okay, now, remember,
stance, stance.

Very important.

Now, do the best you
can; take it easy. All right.

Just go slowly at first.

Okay, put the record on.

All righty.

♪ ♪

And you were going to teach her?

Well, she's a very apt pupil.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Cynthia.

Oh, no!

What? What? That's rank!

Mr. Wilbur won't let us off
Saturday to march in the parade!

Oh, why not?

What?!

Oh, that Mr. Wilbur's a creep!

What's the matter now?

He said he'd fire us if
we don't work Saturday.

Well, now, I think
that's terrible.

Oh, what's the
matter with that man?

Now, don't cry, Cynthia.

Yeah, my mom'll
think of something.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Bye-bye.

Well, Mom?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

I know, I know, I'll
take your place, Chris.

Oh, that'll be quite a sight...

You marching down
Main Street in this!

I meant I'd take her place
at the ice cream parlor.

Hey, Mom, that's a super idea!

And Cynthia's mother

can take her place.

No, she can't. Why not?

Her folks are going
away for the weekend.

You mean they're not gonna to
watch her march in the parade?

No, her mother's trying to keep her
father from seeing her in her outfit.

Aha! You see, Chris?

I'm not the only one that
worries. Please, Mom,

we've got a bigger
problem than that.

Who's going to
take Cynthia's place?

I know.

Viv, how about you?

Oh, okay, I'd be glad to.

Oh, now, Viv, you can't refuse.

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Cynthia needs you,

and it's only gonna
be an hour or two.

Lucy, I said I'd do it.

How can you be that selfish?

This... You did?

What happened?

I just thought I'd save time.

I knew you'd talk
me into it anyway.

Well, we're ready.

Gee, it sure was nice
of you, Mr. Wilbur,

to let us take the girls' place.

I just hope you
can handle things.

I'm expecting a big rush
when the parade goes by here.

Oh, we can handle it, all right.

Yeah, don't you
worry about a thing.

You know what we've done?

We've memorized
all your flavors.

You want to hear them?

I know all my flavors.

Well, we learned them
in kind of a cute way.

That's nice.

Come on, Viv.

♪ Chocolate, strawberry ♪

♪ Rocky road, coffee ♪

♪ Coconut, tutti-frutti,
huckleberry, toffee ♪

♪ Peppermint, pistachio,
chocolate chip ♪

♪ Cinnamon, burnt
pecan, tangerine whip ♪

♪ Cranberry, fudge
ripple, lime, vanilla ♪

♪ Pineapple, lemon
crunch and marsh-milla ♪

♪ The flavor of the
month is... kumquat! ♪

Ha-ha!

Very nice.

Now, Mrs. Bagley...

Uh-huh? would you take this...

marsh-milla soda... Yes, sir.

Put it on a tray and take it over
to that table over there? Yes, sir.

Viv, remember, the tips for
the girls are very important,

so when you serve the
customer, be very charming.

Well, now, I'm glad
you told me that.

I fully intended to throw this
soda right in the customer's face.

Oh, you know what I meant...
turn on the personality. Okay.

Mrs. Bagley? Yes, sir?

Oh!

That was good. I did
that very well, didn't I?

Very well.

Cola.

Root beer.

Blah...

Strawberries.

Ooh, bleh.

Marshmallow. Pineapple.

Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Look, but don't taste!

Well, I was just trying to-to
find out about your flavors.

If I know all about 'em, you
see, I can sell 'em better.

I can tell you all about 'em...

They're all delicious.

Check the straw containers.

Yes, sir.

That one was sure filled up.

Mr. Wilbur? Mr. Wilbur? What?

There's a customer
over there who wants

four gallons of
kumquat ice cream.

He's giving his little
girl a birthday party,

and kumquat's her favorite.

Four gallons of kumquat?

I've only got enough
here for today's crowd.

You know, that's the
flavor of the month.

Yeah, we know. Yeah, we know.

♪ The flavor of the
month is... kumquat! ♪

I trust that'll be the last
floor show for today?

Yes, sir.

I'm not gonna lose
a four-gallon sale.

I'm gonna go
across to the factory.

I can pick up enough before
the parade goes by here.

Do you two think you can
manage while I'm gone?

Oh, sure, don't you
worry about a thing.

Good-bye. We'll take
care of everything.

Lucy? What?

I need two chocolate sodas.

♪ Two chocolate
sodas coming right up. ♪

Lucy, where are my
two chocolate sodas?

Coming right up, coming
right up, coming right up.

Are you ready with my
two chocolate sodas?

Coming right up.

What are you trying to do?!

Well, I was just trying to
do like Mr. Wilbur does.

Well, at least he
gave me a warning!

All right. Bagley!

Well, I gave you warning.

Oh, sure.

A hot fudge sundae, a
double cinnamon cone,

and a... and a chocolate malt.

A hot fudge sundae, double
cinnamon cone, and a chocolate malt.

Coming, up! Coming up!

Waitress? Waitress?
Yes, sir? Yes, sir?

We ordered two hot fudge
sundaes 15 minutes ago!

Well, I'm sorry,
sir, but we have

a new soda jerk
and she's very slow.

Miss, could you
please wait on me?

Yeah. All I want is
one ice cream cone.

All right, sir, what kind
of a cone would you like?

Well, what flavors do you have?

Uh...

♪ Chocolate, strawberry,
rocky road, coffee ♪

♪ Coconut, tutti frutti,
huckleberry, toffee ♪

♪ Peppermint, pistachio,
chocolate chip ♪

♪ Cinnamon, burnt
pecan, tangerine whip ♪

♪ Cranberry, fudge
ripple, lime, vanilla ♪

♪ Pineapple, lemon
crunch and marsh-milla ♪

♪ The flavor of the
month is... kumquat! ♪

Did you say you had burnt pecan?

♪ Chocolate, strawberry,
rocky road, coffee ♪

♪ Coconut, tutti-frutti,
huckleberry, toffee ♪

♪ Peppermint, pistachio,
chocolate chip ♪

♪ Cinnamon, burnt p... ♪ Yes!

All right, I'll have one
scoop of burnt pecan

Right. and one scoop
of, uh, let me see, now...

Did you say you had huckleberry?

♪ Chocolate, strawberry,
rocky road, coffee ♪

♪ Coconut, tutti-frutti,
huckle... ♪ Yes, huckleberry.

All right, I'll have one
scoop of burnt pecan

and one scoop of huckleberry.

Righto!

We're all out of burnt
pecan and huckleberry.

Aw. Uh, did-did you say
you had lemon crunch?

♪ Chocolate, strawberry,
rocky road, coffee ♪

♪ Coconut, tutti-frutti,
huckleberry... ♪ Forget it! Forget it!

I'll take a double chocolate.

♪ Choc... ♪ Yes!

Lucy! Lucy!

The parade is coming!

Wait a minute!
What's going on here?

How about my ice cream cone?

Okay.

Oh!

Listen, give me my cone!

Coming right up.

Lucy, they're almost here!

Lucy, there's Chris! Chris!

Where? Where?

Oh, no!

Aah!

There she is!

There's my girl!

Hey, hi, Chris!

Remember the stance!

All the way up, Chris!

Come on up here
and see my daughter!

March on, Chris!

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