The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 3, Episode 9 - Never Say Goodbye/New Woman, A/Trial Romance - full transcript
Two opposing members of a hung jury run into each other on the cruise; the Captain's estranged daughter runs away from home to be with Stubing; Julie tries to play match maker for a male passenger but he mistakenly thinks she is after him.
(theme music playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard it's love ♪
(theme music playing)
Oh, fan mail. Where's my stack?
A bill, a bill, a bill,
and a letter from Vicki.
Ah. Take a look at the
picture she sent me.
Oh, gee. She's grown.
Children have a
tendency to do that.
She's almost 12.
And turning into a lovely
young lady I must say.
What do you expect?
Takes after her...
I mean, her mother
was very beautiful.
And the fact that you and Vicki
have the same eyes
is just a coincidence?
(soft music playing)
So, how does she
like living in Mexico?
Ah, she's adjusting pretty
well all things considered.
She still feels the loss
of her mother very deeply.
I just thank heavens that
Vicki has her aunt and
uncle to take care of her.
She also has you.
Oh, no. To her, I'm
just Captain Merrill
the funny man she met once.
She'll never know anything else.
You don't plan on
ever seeing her again.
I'm afraid to.
The hardest thing I've ever
done was say goodbye to Vicki.
I know if I saw her again
I'd have to say it again.
I don't know if I could do that.
(cheerful music playing)
Can I help?
I'm Rose Kennicott.
And I have a feeling I
made a terrible mistake.
Well, it can't be too serious.
You are on the right ship.
Yes, but everything
else is wrong.
Look at those people. Kissing.
They aren't doing it right?
They're doing it in public.
Oh, well that's what
we call indoor games.
Uh, this younger generation.
Oh, we also have
plenty of outdoor games.
Shuffleboard, deck
tennis, ping pong.
You're going to have
a wonderful cruise.
Well...
Maybe we'll even find you a
partner for the indoor games.
(lounge music playing)
- Oh, sir.
- Excuse me.
My... my name is Barney Briscoe.
And I wonder if you can help me.
Yes, Mr. Briscoe. Let's
see. You're in cabin...
Fiesta 131.
Yes. That's right.
I, uh, I was wondering...
Oh, about your
dining assignment.
Yes, sir. Let's
see here. Table...
Table 32.
Right.
How does one...
Go about playing Jackpot Bingo?
Well, you just show up at the...
Acapulco Lounge.
Right.
You certainly seem to
have all the right answers.
- Except one.
- Oh?
How do you meet a lady?
Oh well, Mr. Briscoe.
You've certainly
come to the right place.
We don't call this the Love Boat
because we're
crazy about tennis.
This younger generation.
Oh.
(lounge music playing)
Oh, Lord.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm, uh, Harry Stuart.
I... I think I'm on
the Aloha deck.
Correct. Cabin 359.
And a nice
cabin it is, too, sir.
Oh, well. You won't
find me in it very often
because I just spent nine
weeks in a locked room.
Boy. My Mom just used to
make me stand in a corner.
No, no, no.
This was a jury room. I
was on the Hamilton case.
- Oh, wow.
- Wow.
When the wife tried to kill
him three different times.
That's the one.
Boy, she sure seemed
guilty to me, man.
Well, of course, she was guilty.
Eleven men good and
true knew she was guilty.
Well then, how come
the jury was deadlocked?
Because of this
stupid dumb woman.
A woman by the name of Noyes.
She kept saying
"She's innocent.
She's innocent."
She was innocent.
Noyes, Ann Noyes.
You!
Get off my ship! Go, go home!
I should leave?
Otherwise, it's going to be
another attempted murder!
Well, you have the
perfect weapon. Your head.
Ladies and gentleman
please. Hey, the trial is over.
Can't we just call a
truce? Come on now.
- No!
- Never.
Well, enjoy your cruise.
I intend to.
And so do I!
(mouthing)
She was guilty!
She was guilty, guilty as hell!
That was the Aloha
Deck, wasn't it?
Yes.
(horn blowing)
(cheerful music playing )
Dear Captain Merrill
thank you, thank you, thank
you for my birthday present.
A cruise director's uniform.
It's only the neatest thing
I ever got in my whole life.
Maybe someday I can be a
real cruise director on your ship.
Only I hope I don't have
to wait that long to see you.
I just made myself sad.
I miss you a real, real lot.
And I'm always thinking about
the time I came on the ship
because it was the
best time I ever had
and I wish...
Oh well, you know what I wish.
I don't want to go. Why
can't I stay here with you?
Vicki.
Why couldn't I?
Now look. You have an aunt
and uncle who love you very much.
You'll be much
happier living with them
than... with a
grouchy old seaman.
You aren't grouchy.
You're the best.
I love you, Captain Merrill.
I love you, Vicki.
(soft music playing)
Jenkins, this is
Captain Stubing.
I'd like to place a call
to Acapulco, please.
An hour? All right.
(theme music playing)
- Good evening, Mr. Briscoe.
- Good evening.
Well, tonight is
English pub night.
Are you coming to dinner?
Now look, when I said
that I wanted to meet a lady
you know, I meant
someone my age.
Now, I'm going to be blunt.
You're not my type.
Oh well. You can't blame
a girl for trying, huh?
Oh, good evening, Ms.
Kennicott. Don't you look lovely?
Thank you.
Ah, Ms. Kennicott.
Have you met Mr. Brisnoe'?
Mr. Brisnoe, Ms. Kennicott.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
Is anyone joining
you for dinner?
No.
Well, we like our
passengers to have company
and I won't take
no for an answer.
In that case, I'd love
to have dinner with you.
Young blonde whipper snapper.
Ah, here we go.
Thank you. Thank you, Isaac.
Not going to dinner?
No. No, I can't face it.
The fates have dealt me
a dastardly blow, Isaac.
I am sitting at the same
table as that woman.
I'm just hoping that I can
stall long enough whereas
she'll just eat and be gone.
Aw, come on. She
can't be that bad.
She let a murderer go free!
Now, she didn't go free.
I mean, she's
going to be retried.
And the husband didn't die.
Whether the husband
was killed or not
the wife attempted to murder
him at least three times.
First, by putting... by
putting poison in his meatloaf.
Second, by hitting him
with a heavy candle stick.
And third, by trying
to strangle him!
And what do you call that?
Bad planning.
(soft music playing)
Oh, good evening, Sidney.
- Are you in town?
- Aw.
It's fun around here.
Isn't it though?
Wouldn't it be more
fun if you were dining
with a handsome stranger?
Well, wouldn't it?
Julie, I have been waiting
for the handsome stranger
for 30 years.
It's a good thing I
didn't hold my breath.
Nobody ever notices me.
I noticed you from the
first moment I saw you.
Doc, we're having
kind of a girl chat here.
I wonder if you couldn't
charm us out of our socks
another time?
Of course. Later. Cute thing.
Oh, thank you.
So anyway.
Who is that?
Our ship's doctor, Adam Bricker.
Oh, what's the use?
I never know what to say to men.
When the sexual
revolution took place,
I must have been
behind enemy lines.
Then Rose, isn't it time
you came out fighting?
Today's woman doesn't
wait for the phone to ring.
She places the call herself.
Really?
Yes. She refuses to float
down the stream of life.
She paddles her own
canoe and you can too.
- I can?
- Of course, you can.
Would you excuse
me just for a moment?
Um, Mr. Briscoe, it's now or
never. You know what I mean?
Young vamp.
Uh, excuse me. Would
you mind if I sat here?
Not at all. I was just leaving.
You've been very good so far.
You haven't mentioned a
word about you know what.
I won't if you won't.
Far be it from me
to be responsible for your
bursting a blood vessel.
Far be it from me to cause
your hair to get any grayer.
What do you mean?
Evening, folks.
Oh, good evening.
You like eating, or are you
here for the atmosphere?
Uh, I think I will have
- the, uh...
- Roast beef.
Mr. Stuart and I served
on the same jury recently
and that's all he ever ordered.
Roast beef.
I'll have the roast duck.
Don't be silly, Harry.
You don't like duck.
Why would anybody
want to eat duck?
With their little yellow bill
and the little webbed feet.
Yes, they look so innocent.
Ducks are guilty!
You're starting it again.
I didn't say anything
about the murder trial!
I was talking
about little ducks!
Little ducks who ought
to get a life sentence!
Would Madam like a
little innocent ducky too?
No, thank you. I think
I'll have, uh, meatloaf.
Meatloaf? Well, would you like
to have something along with it?
Peas, carrots, mashed potatoes
with absolutely not
a trace of strychnine.
Meatloaf, no strychnine.
It was strychnine
in that meatloaf.
That was definitely established
the third day of the trial!
There was evidence that
there was some strychnine
but absolutely no evidence
the wife was the one
who put the strychnine
into the meatloaf.
Well, if the wife didn't put
the strychnine into the meatloaf
how'd it get there?
Maybe she had a butcher
with a sense of humor.
If there was a law
against stupidity
you would get the chair!
I'd like to speak with
Senora Strickland, por favor.
Uh, look wait a minute.
Will you... will you
just slow down?
Every night I say
her prayers with her.
This morning is
not Vicki in bed.
It's only note.
Note says goodbye.
She takes clothes,
dinero, and no come back.
Oh, my Vickysita has run away!
Oh, my God.
JULIE ON P.A.: Launches
will be leaving for Acapulco
from the gangway on the port
side of the Aloha Deck level.
Those passengers who
signed up for bus tours of the city
should gather on the dock
when they reach shore.
The ship will be
sailing in ten hours.
That's precisely at midnight.
All passengers should
be back on board by 11:30.
Welcome to Acapulco.
(lounge music playing)
Did you call the chief of
police and tell him to expect us?
- Yes, sir.
- I'm coming too.
I want you all to
know how much...
Sir, it's nothing.
It is to me.
Captain, I think
there's a passenger
who needs your assistance.
Gopher, could you
take care of this?
(cheerful music playing)
Vicki.
Vicki.
Hi.
Young lady, do you have any idea
of how much trouble you caused?
We... we have been
worried sick about you.
A girl your age should have
some sense of responsibility.
I'm sorry.
(soft music playing)
Julie.
Oh, hi.
I have to talk to
you. It's about a man.
Oh, okay. Let's
go sit down. Yes?
Now would it happen to be
about that handsome stranger
I was talking to
you about, would it?
I had a feeling you
two were going to click.
We haven't clicked. We clunked.
I don't know how to
make the first move.
Oh, you just pick up the
phone and ask him for a date.
You mean, talk to him on...
- On the phone?
- Yeah.
Maybe I'll write him a note.
Equally good. Turn him
on in 25 words or less.
Julie, should I let him
kiss me on the first date?
No. You kiss him.
Pucker up, Dr. Bricker.
I've got you in my sights.
Watch out, Mr. Briscoe,
this could be your lucky day.
You see, Isaac, why I
don't go for today's women?
They're brazen. Totally brazen.
(soft music playing)
Ahhh.
Hey, hey come on, Gopher.
Knock it off with potato chips.
What?
Don't give me that innocent act.
Now, I had that basket
full of potato chips.
Now it's half empty.
And you're accusing
me of eating them, right?
- Mr. Stuart? Excuse me?
- Hmm?
Did you see me eat any
of these potato chips?
Uh, no, no I didn't.
Well, how could he? His
back was turned to you.
Oh, wow.
I didn't see you
eat the potato chips,
but there is salt
around your mouth.
Circumstantial evidence.
That could have come
from the sea spray.
That's exactly the addlepated
logic you used at the trial!
There is an ocean around us
and you do know
what's in the ocean? Salt.
And the salt air just
wafted across the deck
and landed in a perfect
pattern around his mouth?
Maybe he had a margarita.
I know better than to
discuss this with you.
Of course, because
as usual, I'm right.
Well, come on, folks.
It's... it's just potato
chips. It's not important.
No, no, no, no. This
is very important.
Did you eat those potato chips?
Go ahead, tell him Gopher.
I'm not saying a word until
my lawyer brings the onion dip.
- He's innocent.
- He is guilty, guilty as hell.
No, no. She's fine,
Carlotta. Not a scratch.
Now look, Senor
and Senora Strickland
are flying in
tonight, aren't they?
What time do you
expect them at home?
Well, I'll, uh, plan on bringing
Vicki out there around then.
Grades, Caflotta.
I don't want to go back.
Vicki, it was wrong of
you to run away like this.
Your aunt and uncle
love you very much.
If you have a problem,
you should talk to them.
But you love me too, don't you?
Of course I do.
More than Aunt Dolores
and Uncle Harry?
This isn't a contest, Vicki.
We all love you very much.
And this doesn't have something
to do with why you ran away
does it?
Do you really want to know?
I really want to know.
(soft music playing)
I found it in a
box of old stuff.
It's Mommy's diary.
I told Merrill tonight
that I'm marrying Tom.
It was the hardest
thing I've ever had to do.
Merrill doesn't know I'm
going to have his child.
If he ever does sense the truth
I hope he can understand
that I'm doing what's best
for both of us and for our baby.
Mommy didn't marry you
but you're my real
father, aren't you?
Aren't you?
Yes.
Please, let's stay
together always.
We won't ever say goodbye.
(cheerful music playing)
Mr. Briscoe, you're all alone.
Please, don't worry about me.
I'm all right. I'm fine.
Didn't you get the note?
What note?
It was sort of a love note.
I think it was a love note.
If I did get it, I would
have ripped it apart.
Rats! Mr. Briscoe, I think it
is time that somebody has to
take the bull by the horns!
Bulls and horns... all I wanted
to do is meet a nice lady.
Now, vamoose.
Ah!
- Are you all right?
- Oh, I'm fine.
I don't think you
understand, Mr...
Please! Please!
- Isaac?
- Mr. Stuart.
Yeah, Isaac, I want to
apologize for my earlier behavior.
Oh, that's okay.
But it's that woman.
She could drive St.
Francis of Assisi to Valium.
I can't help abut argue
with her. She's so dumb!
Well, didn't Miss Noyes
believe any of the evidence?
No.
The husband said that his wife
had five martinis to
bolster her courage.
And then that she tried to
brain him with a cattle stick.
But what did the wife say?
She said yes. She
had five martinis.
But she said she was cold sober
and the dumbbell
agrees with her.
I still do.
Ah, if it isn't Miss
Eleven to One.
Isaac, will you
please explain to her
that there was no way that
you can have five martinis
in one hour and not get drunk?
The man's right.
Oh, really? Five
martinis, please.
Five martinis?
I'm going to
prove a little point.
Isaac, let me have
five martinis too
because I don't have heart sober
to watch what's
going to happen to her.
Why didn't you write the note?
I did.
He said he didn't get it.
That's because I ripped it up.
Rose, this cruise
is almost over.
You've got to stop wasting
time and just go get him.
I guarantee the
man is interested.
Are you sure?
Believe me, you're just
what the doctor ordered.
Hmm. That's all
I wanted to hear.
(theme music playing)
GOPHER ON P.A.: Good evening.
The ship will remain in Acapulco
until 12 midnight.
For all those not dining ashore,
there will be a
main seating dinner
in the Coral dining room.
(theme music playing)
- Oh.
- Oh.
Well, I guess you and I
are the only two people who
didn't go into Acapulco tonight?
Did you want to see me?
Yes.
Well, come in, please.
Is there a problem?
Well, I've been having
these strange feelings here.
Well, you've come
to the right place.
How long have
you had this feeling?
Not long, but everybody tells
me nowadays you shouldn't wait.
You should do
something about it.
Good thinking.
Why don't you step inside
and uh, yeah. Take
your clothes off.
You mean like right
now? Just like that?
No time like the present.
Just call me when you're ready.
We can get started.
Wouldn't you
like to talk a little?
Well, in a situation like this
it's always a good idea
to take care of the body.
It's all happening so fast.
Just relax.
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable here on the couch.
Then I could lock the door to
make sure no one disturbs us.
Oh, Doc. You devil.
What are you doing?
I'm kissing you, but
you're not helping much.
Rose, please. I'm a doctor!
I know.
Rose. I must insist...
Excuse me, I must insist
Rose, I thought you came
here for medical treatment.
Oh my God. Oh,
I'm so embarrassed.
- Julie said...
- Julie?
She said you were...
Oh, I wish I could
die right on the spot.
I'm sorry.
What was I doing?
A silly old woman
trying to join a revolution
that's already past her by.
How could I ever have dreamed
that in one ocean
cruise I could find a man
who'd change my whole life?
(sad music playing)
Rose, we all change the
course of our life sometimes.
But it's better to
take that first step
and maybe stumble
than never to
take a step at all.
You're very kind.
No. I'm not just being
kind, believe me.
Rose, someone
is going to respond
to all those feelings
you have inside.
Whoever he is, wherever he is
he's going to be
a very lucky man.
Thank you. You've made
me see the light tonight.
Who knows? Maybe
some night soon.
You may see the stars.
And I thought you
were something special.
I beg your pardon.
But you're like all the rest.
Just another floozy.
Ah.
(soft music playing)
Where are your five martinis?
Boy. Slow service.
What are you talking about?
I've already drunk them.
Oh, what fast service.
- All of them?
- Count them.
I'll take your word for it.
Can I ask you a question?
What are we doing here?
I'm going to prove to you
that Hamilton's wife was
sober enough after five martinis
to know whether she tried to
clobber him with a candle stick.
Ah.
I drank five martinis
and I'm sober as a judge.
Well, I want to ask you a
few questions, your honor.
First of all
that's a ridiculous looking
robe you're wearing.
I think that proves my point.
That the husband on
the night in question
got bombed out of
his mind just like you.
Objection!
Then he passed out
hitting his head,
raising a bump.
I want that stricken
from the record!
I want the jury to ah...
Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
I rest my case.
Oh.
(soft music playing)
Can I steer the ship
when we leave tonight?
I promise I won't hit anything.
You're hardly big
enough to see out.
I'd be willing to grow.
(cheerful music playing)
Vicki, we have to talk.
Are you going to
tell me about sex?
No.
Oh.
Didn't your, uh, Aunt Dolores
tell you about all that stuff?
Yeah. She made it sound so dull.
I figured she must
have left something out.
Vicki
did you understand everything
you read in your Mommy's diary?
Not everything
but I get the part where
you're my real father
and Mommy marrying someone else.
Why do you think she did that?
Well, I guess she thought
you wouldn't be happy unless
you could be on your ship anymore.
That was part of it.
The other part is that
she wanted you to
have a normal family life
with two parents and
other kids and dogs, cats.
And a housekeeper
named Carlotta?
Your mother wanted
the best for you.
And so do I.
You're going to send
me back, aren't you?
You don't want me.
I want you more than anything.
I don't have the
right to keep you.
I thought you loved me.
(sad music playing)
Wake up.
Wake up!
- Uh.
- Aha.
Aha yourself.
What are you doing in my room?
Waiting for an apology. Well?
My mouth is dead.
Well, make it form the
words you were right.
Okay. You were
right! About everything.
Oh, thank you.
Except the trial.
She was guilty!
You are crazy, just look!
I stayed sober
after five martinis.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
How do I know you were sober?
Ah, Gopher.
Gopher helped me
bring you down here.
He'll testify to it.
The guy who was
stealing the potato chips?
You want me to accept testimony
from a guy with a record?!
(plot music playing)
Furthermore
you can't prove that she didn't
try to strangle her husband!
I certainly can.
- Ha!
- Ha!
Mr. Hamilton said his
wife tried to strangle him
while he was asleep, right?
So?
So, I'm going to prove that
she couldn't have strangled him.
Pretend you're asleep.
What?
Go lie down or do
you just want to, uh,
say that I'm right?
Okay. I'm asleep. So what?
So...
I couldn't possibly
strangle you. See?
You're not even trying.
Yes, I am. Your neck is too big.
What do you want
me to do? Trim it?
I know. Come on. Roll over.
- What?
- Roll over.
Now, let me see.
What if she tried this?
- You know what?
- What?
I think you're kind of cute.
I'm kind of cute while
you're strangling me.
I'm sorry.
You know something?
What?
I think you're kind of cute.
(theme music playing)
So, I told her I had
to take her back.
Did she understand?
She was very hurt,
and I can't blame her.
You sound like you're
blaming yourself.
No. It has to be this way.
Legally, I'm nothing more
than a friend of the family.
Well now that
Vicki knows the truth
maybe you should talk
to her aunt and uncle
Maybe there's some
way you could...
(soft music playing)
Merrill, I wish...
So do I, Adam. So do I.
(lounge music playing)
Vicki. Merrill, thank
you for all your trouble.
No trouble.
And you little lady.
You had a busy weekend.
Can I go to my room?
(soft music playing)
What am I going to do with her?
Eh, don't be too hard.
We all have the need for a
little adventure now and then.
I'm surprised it
took her this long.
All she ever talks about
is you and the ship.
She's crazy about
the both of you.
The feeling's mutual.
- Would you like a drink?
- No.
Tea?
Oh, please. Thank you.
- Dolores, there's something...
- Merrill, there's something...
I'm sorry.
- What were you going to say?
- Thank you.
Oh, I was just going to say that
there's something I
want to talk to you about.
Well, I was too. You first.
Oh, no. You go.
Well, I, uh, guess I'm going to
have to get used to saying this.
Harry and I are
getting a divorce.
I'm sorry.
We're still friends.
Maybe this way
we can stay friends.
Our only concern
now is the children.
Of course.
We haven't told them.
I think it would
be easier on them
if they could go
away for a while.
I think that's a wise decision.
But when it comes to Vicki
there's only one place
where she'll be happy...
With you.
(cheerful music playing)
You want Vicki to stay with me?
Only for awhile
until I'm settled.
Merrill.
Right now I'm sorry
I stopped drinking.
I'm afraid I couldn't
start something like this
knowing how it's going to end.
I can take Vicki, but
I can't give her back.
I'm sorry, Dolores.
I know you don't understand
why it's affecting me like this.
I do understand.
Georgina was my sister.
We didn't have many secrets.
Why didn't you say something
after all these years?
So that Vicki would be your
choice, not your responsibility.
You were free to walk away.
I don't want to walk away.
I want to enjoy every
moment I can with Vicki
even if it has to end someday.
Merrill, you hardly
know your daughter.
Take this opportunity
and live with her
learn what she's all about.
If it turns out that
she belongs with you,
then that's where
I want her to be.
You mean that?
All I want is
what's best for her.
That's all? That's everything?
VICKI: Captain Merrill?
I just came in to say goodbye.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
But...
How can I say goodbye if you're
coming back to the ship with me?
I am?
That is if you think you can
put up with me for awhile.
Forever and ever. I love you.
Oh, and I love you.
Thank you.
She really does have your eyes.
(theme music playing)
I wonder if the Hamiltons
ever had champagne in bed.
Huh, well if they did
I will bet you that
this was the moment
that he told her
she was beautiful.
Oh, there was never any
evidence he ever said such a thing.
Maybe that's what
made her so mad.
She wasn't mad. He was
just a dyed-in-the-wool nut.
- Like me.
- You?
For not having told you
that you're wonderful sooner
and I've never met
anybody like you.
Are you trying... are you
trying to say that, um...
That I'm falling in love?
Um-hmm. Yep.
I confess. I am guilty.
(seductive music playing)
Good evening.
Oh, it's you.
Who were you expecting?
That Casanova, Dr. Bricker?
He is not a Casanova.
And by the way,
I am not a floozy.
Well, I saw you kissing him.
But did you ever
give me a tumble? No.
You?
Look, I'm not a big swinger.
I'm... I'm bashful.
It isn't easy for me to
approach a stranger.
I... lady,
I've been wanting to
meet you this whole trip.
You have?
Oh, what's the use?
You probably find
me too old fashioned.
Now... now... wait a minute.
Would... would you think I was
forward if I bought you a drink?
No.
And if I ask you to take
me dancing afterwards?
No.
Well then, shall we?
Ooh.
(cheerful music playing)
Well, hello there, huh.
I hope you don't mind being
out with one of today's women?
No. Just don't get like her.
You know, she's
been hitting on me
ever since I got on this boat.
- Really?
- Shocking.
(theme music playing)
Sorry about the accommodations
but it's the best I can do
on the spur of the moment.
That's okay.
You know, I was wondering
what should I call
you from now on?
What would you like to call me?
I don't know.
Daddy doesn't sound right.
You certainly don't
look like a pop.
Thank goodness.
I guess Captain Merrill
fits you best of all.
Then why argue with perfection?
Captain Merrill I am,
Captain Merrill I remain. Okay?
Okay.
- Captain Merrill.
- Who?
- You know what?
- What?
I'd rather be here
than any place else
in the whole wide world.
So would I.
I bet if Mommy was watching
she'd be happy too.
You think she is?
I'm sure of it.
(soft music playing)
(theme music playing)
Sometimes things
get a little confused,
but all's well that ends well.
Thank you for everything.
And I'm happy you're happy.
I'm sorry things didn't
work out for the two of us
but don't give up hope.
I'm sure there's a man out
there waiting for you somewhere.
Darling, when you say that
the defendant is innocent,
then the defendant is innocent.
Oh, darling. You are
entitled to your own opinion,
but you were wrong
when you said I was right.
No, no, no. Darling.
You are wrong when
you say that I am wrong
when I am trying to tell
you that you are right.
You're so right.
What happened to them?
I don't know. Looks
like the jury is still out.
- Anybody see Vicki?
- Nope.
Hmm, not since breakfast.
Well, she's got to be
around here somewhere.
Eh, maybe she's on deck.
Sure.
(lounge music playing)
- MAN: Bye.
- WOMAN: Bye.
- WOMAN: Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Thank you for sailing with us.
Bye-bye. I hope you
enjoyed your cruise.
- Come again soon.
- Bye.
We certainly enjoyed having you.
(theme music playing)
(theme music playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard it's love ♪
(theme music playing)
Oh, fan mail. Where's my stack?
A bill, a bill, a bill,
and a letter from Vicki.
Ah. Take a look at the
picture she sent me.
Oh, gee. She's grown.
Children have a
tendency to do that.
She's almost 12.
And turning into a lovely
young lady I must say.
What do you expect?
Takes after her...
I mean, her mother
was very beautiful.
And the fact that you and Vicki
have the same eyes
is just a coincidence?
(soft music playing)
So, how does she
like living in Mexico?
Ah, she's adjusting pretty
well all things considered.
She still feels the loss
of her mother very deeply.
I just thank heavens that
Vicki has her aunt and
uncle to take care of her.
She also has you.
Oh, no. To her, I'm
just Captain Merrill
the funny man she met once.
She'll never know anything else.
You don't plan on
ever seeing her again.
I'm afraid to.
The hardest thing I've ever
done was say goodbye to Vicki.
I know if I saw her again
I'd have to say it again.
I don't know if I could do that.
(cheerful music playing)
Can I help?
I'm Rose Kennicott.
And I have a feeling I
made a terrible mistake.
Well, it can't be too serious.
You are on the right ship.
Yes, but everything
else is wrong.
Look at those people. Kissing.
They aren't doing it right?
They're doing it in public.
Oh, well that's what
we call indoor games.
Uh, this younger generation.
Oh, we also have
plenty of outdoor games.
Shuffleboard, deck
tennis, ping pong.
You're going to have
a wonderful cruise.
Well...
Maybe we'll even find you a
partner for the indoor games.
(lounge music playing)
- Oh, sir.
- Excuse me.
My... my name is Barney Briscoe.
And I wonder if you can help me.
Yes, Mr. Briscoe. Let's
see. You're in cabin...
Fiesta 131.
Yes. That's right.
I, uh, I was wondering...
Oh, about your
dining assignment.
Yes, sir. Let's
see here. Table...
Table 32.
Right.
How does one...
Go about playing Jackpot Bingo?
Well, you just show up at the...
Acapulco Lounge.
Right.
You certainly seem to
have all the right answers.
- Except one.
- Oh?
How do you meet a lady?
Oh well, Mr. Briscoe.
You've certainly
come to the right place.
We don't call this the Love Boat
because we're
crazy about tennis.
This younger generation.
Oh.
(lounge music playing)
Oh, Lord.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm, uh, Harry Stuart.
I... I think I'm on
the Aloha deck.
Correct. Cabin 359.
And a nice
cabin it is, too, sir.
Oh, well. You won't
find me in it very often
because I just spent nine
weeks in a locked room.
Boy. My Mom just used to
make me stand in a corner.
No, no, no.
This was a jury room. I
was on the Hamilton case.
- Oh, wow.
- Wow.
When the wife tried to kill
him three different times.
That's the one.
Boy, she sure seemed
guilty to me, man.
Well, of course, she was guilty.
Eleven men good and
true knew she was guilty.
Well then, how come
the jury was deadlocked?
Because of this
stupid dumb woman.
A woman by the name of Noyes.
She kept saying
"She's innocent.
She's innocent."
She was innocent.
Noyes, Ann Noyes.
You!
Get off my ship! Go, go home!
I should leave?
Otherwise, it's going to be
another attempted murder!
Well, you have the
perfect weapon. Your head.
Ladies and gentleman
please. Hey, the trial is over.
Can't we just call a
truce? Come on now.
- No!
- Never.
Well, enjoy your cruise.
I intend to.
And so do I!
(mouthing)
She was guilty!
She was guilty, guilty as hell!
That was the Aloha
Deck, wasn't it?
Yes.
(horn blowing)
(cheerful music playing )
Dear Captain Merrill
thank you, thank you, thank
you for my birthday present.
A cruise director's uniform.
It's only the neatest thing
I ever got in my whole life.
Maybe someday I can be a
real cruise director on your ship.
Only I hope I don't have
to wait that long to see you.
I just made myself sad.
I miss you a real, real lot.
And I'm always thinking about
the time I came on the ship
because it was the
best time I ever had
and I wish...
Oh well, you know what I wish.
I don't want to go. Why
can't I stay here with you?
Vicki.
Why couldn't I?
Now look. You have an aunt
and uncle who love you very much.
You'll be much
happier living with them
than... with a
grouchy old seaman.
You aren't grouchy.
You're the best.
I love you, Captain Merrill.
I love you, Vicki.
(soft music playing)
Jenkins, this is
Captain Stubing.
I'd like to place a call
to Acapulco, please.
An hour? All right.
(theme music playing)
- Good evening, Mr. Briscoe.
- Good evening.
Well, tonight is
English pub night.
Are you coming to dinner?
Now look, when I said
that I wanted to meet a lady
you know, I meant
someone my age.
Now, I'm going to be blunt.
You're not my type.
Oh well. You can't blame
a girl for trying, huh?
Oh, good evening, Ms.
Kennicott. Don't you look lovely?
Thank you.
Ah, Ms. Kennicott.
Have you met Mr. Brisnoe'?
Mr. Brisnoe, Ms. Kennicott.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
Is anyone joining
you for dinner?
No.
Well, we like our
passengers to have company
and I won't take
no for an answer.
In that case, I'd love
to have dinner with you.
Young blonde whipper snapper.
Ah, here we go.
Thank you. Thank you, Isaac.
Not going to dinner?
No. No, I can't face it.
The fates have dealt me
a dastardly blow, Isaac.
I am sitting at the same
table as that woman.
I'm just hoping that I can
stall long enough whereas
she'll just eat and be gone.
Aw, come on. She
can't be that bad.
She let a murderer go free!
Now, she didn't go free.
I mean, she's
going to be retried.
And the husband didn't die.
Whether the husband
was killed or not
the wife attempted to murder
him at least three times.
First, by putting... by
putting poison in his meatloaf.
Second, by hitting him
with a heavy candle stick.
And third, by trying
to strangle him!
And what do you call that?
Bad planning.
(soft music playing)
Oh, good evening, Sidney.
- Are you in town?
- Aw.
It's fun around here.
Isn't it though?
Wouldn't it be more
fun if you were dining
with a handsome stranger?
Well, wouldn't it?
Julie, I have been waiting
for the handsome stranger
for 30 years.
It's a good thing I
didn't hold my breath.
Nobody ever notices me.
I noticed you from the
first moment I saw you.
Doc, we're having
kind of a girl chat here.
I wonder if you couldn't
charm us out of our socks
another time?
Of course. Later. Cute thing.
Oh, thank you.
So anyway.
Who is that?
Our ship's doctor, Adam Bricker.
Oh, what's the use?
I never know what to say to men.
When the sexual
revolution took place,
I must have been
behind enemy lines.
Then Rose, isn't it time
you came out fighting?
Today's woman doesn't
wait for the phone to ring.
She places the call herself.
Really?
Yes. She refuses to float
down the stream of life.
She paddles her own
canoe and you can too.
- I can?
- Of course, you can.
Would you excuse
me just for a moment?
Um, Mr. Briscoe, it's now or
never. You know what I mean?
Young vamp.
Uh, excuse me. Would
you mind if I sat here?
Not at all. I was just leaving.
You've been very good so far.
You haven't mentioned a
word about you know what.
I won't if you won't.
Far be it from me
to be responsible for your
bursting a blood vessel.
Far be it from me to cause
your hair to get any grayer.
What do you mean?
Evening, folks.
Oh, good evening.
You like eating, or are you
here for the atmosphere?
Uh, I think I will have
- the, uh...
- Roast beef.
Mr. Stuart and I served
on the same jury recently
and that's all he ever ordered.
Roast beef.
I'll have the roast duck.
Don't be silly, Harry.
You don't like duck.
Why would anybody
want to eat duck?
With their little yellow bill
and the little webbed feet.
Yes, they look so innocent.
Ducks are guilty!
You're starting it again.
I didn't say anything
about the murder trial!
I was talking
about little ducks!
Little ducks who ought
to get a life sentence!
Would Madam like a
little innocent ducky too?
No, thank you. I think
I'll have, uh, meatloaf.
Meatloaf? Well, would you like
to have something along with it?
Peas, carrots, mashed potatoes
with absolutely not
a trace of strychnine.
Meatloaf, no strychnine.
It was strychnine
in that meatloaf.
That was definitely established
the third day of the trial!
There was evidence that
there was some strychnine
but absolutely no evidence
the wife was the one
who put the strychnine
into the meatloaf.
Well, if the wife didn't put
the strychnine into the meatloaf
how'd it get there?
Maybe she had a butcher
with a sense of humor.
If there was a law
against stupidity
you would get the chair!
I'd like to speak with
Senora Strickland, por favor.
Uh, look wait a minute.
Will you... will you
just slow down?
Every night I say
her prayers with her.
This morning is
not Vicki in bed.
It's only note.
Note says goodbye.
She takes clothes,
dinero, and no come back.
Oh, my Vickysita has run away!
Oh, my God.
JULIE ON P.A.: Launches
will be leaving for Acapulco
from the gangway on the port
side of the Aloha Deck level.
Those passengers who
signed up for bus tours of the city
should gather on the dock
when they reach shore.
The ship will be
sailing in ten hours.
That's precisely at midnight.
All passengers should
be back on board by 11:30.
Welcome to Acapulco.
(lounge music playing)
Did you call the chief of
police and tell him to expect us?
- Yes, sir.
- I'm coming too.
I want you all to
know how much...
Sir, it's nothing.
It is to me.
Captain, I think
there's a passenger
who needs your assistance.
Gopher, could you
take care of this?
(cheerful music playing)
Vicki.
Vicki.
Hi.
Young lady, do you have any idea
of how much trouble you caused?
We... we have been
worried sick about you.
A girl your age should have
some sense of responsibility.
I'm sorry.
(soft music playing)
Julie.
Oh, hi.
I have to talk to
you. It's about a man.
Oh, okay. Let's
go sit down. Yes?
Now would it happen to be
about that handsome stranger
I was talking to
you about, would it?
I had a feeling you
two were going to click.
We haven't clicked. We clunked.
I don't know how to
make the first move.
Oh, you just pick up the
phone and ask him for a date.
You mean, talk to him on...
- On the phone?
- Yeah.
Maybe I'll write him a note.
Equally good. Turn him
on in 25 words or less.
Julie, should I let him
kiss me on the first date?
No. You kiss him.
Pucker up, Dr. Bricker.
I've got you in my sights.
Watch out, Mr. Briscoe,
this could be your lucky day.
You see, Isaac, why I
don't go for today's women?
They're brazen. Totally brazen.
(soft music playing)
Ahhh.
Hey, hey come on, Gopher.
Knock it off with potato chips.
What?
Don't give me that innocent act.
Now, I had that basket
full of potato chips.
Now it's half empty.
And you're accusing
me of eating them, right?
- Mr. Stuart? Excuse me?
- Hmm?
Did you see me eat any
of these potato chips?
Uh, no, no I didn't.
Well, how could he? His
back was turned to you.
Oh, wow.
I didn't see you
eat the potato chips,
but there is salt
around your mouth.
Circumstantial evidence.
That could have come
from the sea spray.
That's exactly the addlepated
logic you used at the trial!
There is an ocean around us
and you do know
what's in the ocean? Salt.
And the salt air just
wafted across the deck
and landed in a perfect
pattern around his mouth?
Maybe he had a margarita.
I know better than to
discuss this with you.
Of course, because
as usual, I'm right.
Well, come on, folks.
It's... it's just potato
chips. It's not important.
No, no, no, no. This
is very important.
Did you eat those potato chips?
Go ahead, tell him Gopher.
I'm not saying a word until
my lawyer brings the onion dip.
- He's innocent.
- He is guilty, guilty as hell.
No, no. She's fine,
Carlotta. Not a scratch.
Now look, Senor
and Senora Strickland
are flying in
tonight, aren't they?
What time do you
expect them at home?
Well, I'll, uh, plan on bringing
Vicki out there around then.
Grades, Caflotta.
I don't want to go back.
Vicki, it was wrong of
you to run away like this.
Your aunt and uncle
love you very much.
If you have a problem,
you should talk to them.
But you love me too, don't you?
Of course I do.
More than Aunt Dolores
and Uncle Harry?
This isn't a contest, Vicki.
We all love you very much.
And this doesn't have something
to do with why you ran away
does it?
Do you really want to know?
I really want to know.
(soft music playing)
I found it in a
box of old stuff.
It's Mommy's diary.
I told Merrill tonight
that I'm marrying Tom.
It was the hardest
thing I've ever had to do.
Merrill doesn't know I'm
going to have his child.
If he ever does sense the truth
I hope he can understand
that I'm doing what's best
for both of us and for our baby.
Mommy didn't marry you
but you're my real
father, aren't you?
Aren't you?
Yes.
Please, let's stay
together always.
We won't ever say goodbye.
(cheerful music playing)
Mr. Briscoe, you're all alone.
Please, don't worry about me.
I'm all right. I'm fine.
Didn't you get the note?
What note?
It was sort of a love note.
I think it was a love note.
If I did get it, I would
have ripped it apart.
Rats! Mr. Briscoe, I think it
is time that somebody has to
take the bull by the horns!
Bulls and horns... all I wanted
to do is meet a nice lady.
Now, vamoose.
Ah!
- Are you all right?
- Oh, I'm fine.
I don't think you
understand, Mr...
Please! Please!
- Isaac?
- Mr. Stuart.
Yeah, Isaac, I want to
apologize for my earlier behavior.
Oh, that's okay.
But it's that woman.
She could drive St.
Francis of Assisi to Valium.
I can't help abut argue
with her. She's so dumb!
Well, didn't Miss Noyes
believe any of the evidence?
No.
The husband said that his wife
had five martinis to
bolster her courage.
And then that she tried to
brain him with a cattle stick.
But what did the wife say?
She said yes. She
had five martinis.
But she said she was cold sober
and the dumbbell
agrees with her.
I still do.
Ah, if it isn't Miss
Eleven to One.
Isaac, will you
please explain to her
that there was no way that
you can have five martinis
in one hour and not get drunk?
The man's right.
Oh, really? Five
martinis, please.
Five martinis?
I'm going to
prove a little point.
Isaac, let me have
five martinis too
because I don't have heart sober
to watch what's
going to happen to her.
Why didn't you write the note?
I did.
He said he didn't get it.
That's because I ripped it up.
Rose, this cruise
is almost over.
You've got to stop wasting
time and just go get him.
I guarantee the
man is interested.
Are you sure?
Believe me, you're just
what the doctor ordered.
Hmm. That's all
I wanted to hear.
(theme music playing)
GOPHER ON P.A.: Good evening.
The ship will remain in Acapulco
until 12 midnight.
For all those not dining ashore,
there will be a
main seating dinner
in the Coral dining room.
(theme music playing)
- Oh.
- Oh.
Well, I guess you and I
are the only two people who
didn't go into Acapulco tonight?
Did you want to see me?
Yes.
Well, come in, please.
Is there a problem?
Well, I've been having
these strange feelings here.
Well, you've come
to the right place.
How long have
you had this feeling?
Not long, but everybody tells
me nowadays you shouldn't wait.
You should do
something about it.
Good thinking.
Why don't you step inside
and uh, yeah. Take
your clothes off.
You mean like right
now? Just like that?
No time like the present.
Just call me when you're ready.
We can get started.
Wouldn't you
like to talk a little?
Well, in a situation like this
it's always a good idea
to take care of the body.
It's all happening so fast.
Just relax.
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable here on the couch.
Then I could lock the door to
make sure no one disturbs us.
Oh, Doc. You devil.
What are you doing?
I'm kissing you, but
you're not helping much.
Rose, please. I'm a doctor!
I know.
Rose. I must insist...
Excuse me, I must insist
Rose, I thought you came
here for medical treatment.
Oh my God. Oh,
I'm so embarrassed.
- Julie said...
- Julie?
She said you were...
Oh, I wish I could
die right on the spot.
I'm sorry.
What was I doing?
A silly old woman
trying to join a revolution
that's already past her by.
How could I ever have dreamed
that in one ocean
cruise I could find a man
who'd change my whole life?
(sad music playing)
Rose, we all change the
course of our life sometimes.
But it's better to
take that first step
and maybe stumble
than never to
take a step at all.
You're very kind.
No. I'm not just being
kind, believe me.
Rose, someone
is going to respond
to all those feelings
you have inside.
Whoever he is, wherever he is
he's going to be
a very lucky man.
Thank you. You've made
me see the light tonight.
Who knows? Maybe
some night soon.
You may see the stars.
And I thought you
were something special.
I beg your pardon.
But you're like all the rest.
Just another floozy.
Ah.
(soft music playing)
Where are your five martinis?
Boy. Slow service.
What are you talking about?
I've already drunk them.
Oh, what fast service.
- All of them?
- Count them.
I'll take your word for it.
Can I ask you a question?
What are we doing here?
I'm going to prove to you
that Hamilton's wife was
sober enough after five martinis
to know whether she tried to
clobber him with a candle stick.
Ah.
I drank five martinis
and I'm sober as a judge.
Well, I want to ask you a
few questions, your honor.
First of all
that's a ridiculous looking
robe you're wearing.
I think that proves my point.
That the husband on
the night in question
got bombed out of
his mind just like you.
Objection!
Then he passed out
hitting his head,
raising a bump.
I want that stricken
from the record!
I want the jury to ah...
Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
I rest my case.
Oh.
(soft music playing)
Can I steer the ship
when we leave tonight?
I promise I won't hit anything.
You're hardly big
enough to see out.
I'd be willing to grow.
(cheerful music playing)
Vicki, we have to talk.
Are you going to
tell me about sex?
No.
Oh.
Didn't your, uh, Aunt Dolores
tell you about all that stuff?
Yeah. She made it sound so dull.
I figured she must
have left something out.
Vicki
did you understand everything
you read in your Mommy's diary?
Not everything
but I get the part where
you're my real father
and Mommy marrying someone else.
Why do you think she did that?
Well, I guess she thought
you wouldn't be happy unless
you could be on your ship anymore.
That was part of it.
The other part is that
she wanted you to
have a normal family life
with two parents and
other kids and dogs, cats.
And a housekeeper
named Carlotta?
Your mother wanted
the best for you.
And so do I.
You're going to send
me back, aren't you?
You don't want me.
I want you more than anything.
I don't have the
right to keep you.
I thought you loved me.
(sad music playing)
Wake up.
Wake up!
- Uh.
- Aha.
Aha yourself.
What are you doing in my room?
Waiting for an apology. Well?
My mouth is dead.
Well, make it form the
words you were right.
Okay. You were
right! About everything.
Oh, thank you.
Except the trial.
She was guilty!
You are crazy, just look!
I stayed sober
after five martinis.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
How do I know you were sober?
Ah, Gopher.
Gopher helped me
bring you down here.
He'll testify to it.
The guy who was
stealing the potato chips?
You want me to accept testimony
from a guy with a record?!
(plot music playing)
Furthermore
you can't prove that she didn't
try to strangle her husband!
I certainly can.
- Ha!
- Ha!
Mr. Hamilton said his
wife tried to strangle him
while he was asleep, right?
So?
So, I'm going to prove that
she couldn't have strangled him.
Pretend you're asleep.
What?
Go lie down or do
you just want to, uh,
say that I'm right?
Okay. I'm asleep. So what?
So...
I couldn't possibly
strangle you. See?
You're not even trying.
Yes, I am. Your neck is too big.
What do you want
me to do? Trim it?
I know. Come on. Roll over.
- What?
- Roll over.
Now, let me see.
What if she tried this?
- You know what?
- What?
I think you're kind of cute.
I'm kind of cute while
you're strangling me.
I'm sorry.
You know something?
What?
I think you're kind of cute.
(theme music playing)
So, I told her I had
to take her back.
Did she understand?
She was very hurt,
and I can't blame her.
You sound like you're
blaming yourself.
No. It has to be this way.
Legally, I'm nothing more
than a friend of the family.
Well now that
Vicki knows the truth
maybe you should talk
to her aunt and uncle
Maybe there's some
way you could...
(soft music playing)
Merrill, I wish...
So do I, Adam. So do I.
(lounge music playing)
Vicki. Merrill, thank
you for all your trouble.
No trouble.
And you little lady.
You had a busy weekend.
Can I go to my room?
(soft music playing)
What am I going to do with her?
Eh, don't be too hard.
We all have the need for a
little adventure now and then.
I'm surprised it
took her this long.
All she ever talks about
is you and the ship.
She's crazy about
the both of you.
The feeling's mutual.
- Would you like a drink?
- No.
Tea?
Oh, please. Thank you.
- Dolores, there's something...
- Merrill, there's something...
I'm sorry.
- What were you going to say?
- Thank you.
Oh, I was just going to say that
there's something I
want to talk to you about.
Well, I was too. You first.
Oh, no. You go.
Well, I, uh, guess I'm going to
have to get used to saying this.
Harry and I are
getting a divorce.
I'm sorry.
We're still friends.
Maybe this way
we can stay friends.
Our only concern
now is the children.
Of course.
We haven't told them.
I think it would
be easier on them
if they could go
away for a while.
I think that's a wise decision.
But when it comes to Vicki
there's only one place
where she'll be happy...
With you.
(cheerful music playing)
You want Vicki to stay with me?
Only for awhile
until I'm settled.
Merrill.
Right now I'm sorry
I stopped drinking.
I'm afraid I couldn't
start something like this
knowing how it's going to end.
I can take Vicki, but
I can't give her back.
I'm sorry, Dolores.
I know you don't understand
why it's affecting me like this.
I do understand.
Georgina was my sister.
We didn't have many secrets.
Why didn't you say something
after all these years?
So that Vicki would be your
choice, not your responsibility.
You were free to walk away.
I don't want to walk away.
I want to enjoy every
moment I can with Vicki
even if it has to end someday.
Merrill, you hardly
know your daughter.
Take this opportunity
and live with her
learn what she's all about.
If it turns out that
she belongs with you,
then that's where
I want her to be.
You mean that?
All I want is
what's best for her.
That's all? That's everything?
VICKI: Captain Merrill?
I just came in to say goodbye.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
But...
How can I say goodbye if you're
coming back to the ship with me?
I am?
That is if you think you can
put up with me for awhile.
Forever and ever. I love you.
Oh, and I love you.
Thank you.
She really does have your eyes.
(theme music playing)
I wonder if the Hamiltons
ever had champagne in bed.
Huh, well if they did
I will bet you that
this was the moment
that he told her
she was beautiful.
Oh, there was never any
evidence he ever said such a thing.
Maybe that's what
made her so mad.
She wasn't mad. He was
just a dyed-in-the-wool nut.
- Like me.
- You?
For not having told you
that you're wonderful sooner
and I've never met
anybody like you.
Are you trying... are you
trying to say that, um...
That I'm falling in love?
Um-hmm. Yep.
I confess. I am guilty.
(seductive music playing)
Good evening.
Oh, it's you.
Who were you expecting?
That Casanova, Dr. Bricker?
He is not a Casanova.
And by the way,
I am not a floozy.
Well, I saw you kissing him.
But did you ever
give me a tumble? No.
You?
Look, I'm not a big swinger.
I'm... I'm bashful.
It isn't easy for me to
approach a stranger.
I... lady,
I've been wanting to
meet you this whole trip.
You have?
Oh, what's the use?
You probably find
me too old fashioned.
Now... now... wait a minute.
Would... would you think I was
forward if I bought you a drink?
No.
And if I ask you to take
me dancing afterwards?
No.
Well then, shall we?
Ooh.
(cheerful music playing)
Well, hello there, huh.
I hope you don't mind being
out with one of today's women?
No. Just don't get like her.
You know, she's
been hitting on me
ever since I got on this boat.
- Really?
- Shocking.
(theme music playing)
Sorry about the accommodations
but it's the best I can do
on the spur of the moment.
That's okay.
You know, I was wondering
what should I call
you from now on?
What would you like to call me?
I don't know.
Daddy doesn't sound right.
You certainly don't
look like a pop.
Thank goodness.
I guess Captain Merrill
fits you best of all.
Then why argue with perfection?
Captain Merrill I am,
Captain Merrill I remain. Okay?
Okay.
- Captain Merrill.
- Who?
- You know what?
- What?
I'd rather be here
than any place else
in the whole wide world.
So would I.
I bet if Mommy was watching
she'd be happy too.
You think she is?
I'm sure of it.
(soft music playing)
(theme music playing)
Sometimes things
get a little confused,
but all's well that ends well.
Thank you for everything.
And I'm happy you're happy.
I'm sorry things didn't
work out for the two of us
but don't give up hope.
I'm sure there's a man out
there waiting for you somewhere.
Darling, when you say that
the defendant is innocent,
then the defendant is innocent.
Oh, darling. You are
entitled to your own opinion,
but you were wrong
when you said I was right.
No, no, no. Darling.
You are wrong when
you say that I am wrong
when I am trying to tell
you that you are right.
You're so right.
What happened to them?
I don't know. Looks
like the jury is still out.
- Anybody see Vicki?
- Nope.
Hmm, not since breakfast.
Well, she's got to be
around here somewhere.
Eh, maybe she's on deck.
Sure.
(lounge music playing)
- MAN: Bye.
- WOMAN: Bye.
- WOMAN: Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Thank you for sailing with us.
Bye-bye. I hope you
enjoyed your cruise.
- Come again soon.
- Bye.
We certainly enjoyed having you.
(theme music playing)
(theme music playing)