The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 3, Episode 7 - Crew Confessions/Haven't I Seen You?/Reunion - full transcript
(theme music playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard ♪
♪ It's love ♪
(theme music playing)
Excuse me, sir.
Uh, oh yes, thank you.
Let's see,
we've covered all
the social events.
Yes sir, I think so.
Now Gopher, what about cabin
110 on the Promenade Deck?
Ah, yes sir.
Well, the hole in
the ceiling is fixed,
but I recommend that from here
on we do now allow passengers
to bring their
trampolines on board.
Now, what about
Mr. and Mrs. Floreau?
Oh, sir. We're getting great
coverage on the Floreau story.
Look at that, huh?
JULIE: Isn't that romantic?
That makes me feel good
bringing together two people
who've been separated this long.
Forty years.
I would have given up hope.
Oh, not Mrs. Floreau.
She just wouldn't believe
that her husband was dead.
Wouldn't it be funny if
she finally gets together
with the guy and find
out she can't stand him?
Humor is important in life.
Well, I guess that's about all.
Yes, sir.
Let's, uh, keep on our
toes this cruise as usual.
No. This time, do it right.
Captain, a new book?
Uh, yes, yes. I joined this
book club a few years ago.
Uh, you know, six
best sellers for a dime.
You've got a library of
books you never wanted.
Right. Last month's
selection was
Starch, The History of
Laundry in North America.
Isaac, look at this.
This guy's from your
hometown, Oakland.
- ISAAC: No kidding?
- JULIE: Look.
Hey, dig this! He was
a high school dropout,
dishwasher, farm
hand and a bartender.
And now he's making millions.
Millions... of dollars?
They're the best kind.
Could have been a writer.
All you got to do is sit
down and write, right?
- Right.
- Right.
Right.
I could still be a writer.
I mean, how tough could it be?
Isaac Washington, author.
I'm going to the gift shop. Aha!
To get some paper and pencil?
No. A pipe
and leather patches
for my tweed jacket
and an ascot and
maybe even a monocle.
Yeah, a monocle.
Oh boy.
(up-tempo music playing)
Madame Floreau, a
few questions, please.
Oh, yes of course.
When did you see
your husband last?
Uh, 1939.
Do you think you'll
recognize him?
Oh, it has been a long time.
You were childhood
sweethearts in France?
Uh, yes.
How long were you married before
you were separated by the war?
Almost eight months.
Do you still love him?
Ah, all these questions.
Uh, fellows, fellows, please.
That's enough for
now. Thank you.
(upbeat music playing)
Hello.
Is there anything I
could possibly do... Oh.
Hey, I know you!
You're, um... you're um... Oh.
Herb Grobecker.
No, no.
You're... You're Devon
King. You're that TV star.
No, no. I'm Herb Grobecker,
the shoe salesman.
Are you sure?
Boy you... You
look just like him.
Yeah, I know. I know.
A lot of people think so.
But he's a rich,
famous TV star and me?
I just fit little old ladies with
orthopedic jogging shoes.
Incredible.
Well, not really.
People of all ages
are jogging these days.
Ah.
I'll see ya.
Uh, in just a few more minutes,
Mrs. Roman, and he’ll be here.
Yes.
Devon King?
Marla, you've waited
a long time for this.
Mrs. Floreau?
Gilbert?
(soft music playing)
(horn blowing)
(upbeat music playing)
You're Devon King, aren't you?
My sister and I never
miss your TV show.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You've got the wrong guy.
Hello, Devon.
Uh no. No, I... uh, uh.
Hi.
You don't recognize me, do you?
Well, you get around.
I'm not surprised.
Marla Sams.
Oh.
We met a disco party in
Beverly Hills about a year ago.
You said I had the most
beautiful eyes you'd ever seen.
Oh... Oh, you do. You
do... You definitely do.
You also have the
most beautiful, uh...
Why didn't you call me
as you said you would?
Uh... Uh... Well, uh,
you see, the fact is...
I... I'm not really, uh...
MARLA: You don't
have to apologize.
But the least you could
do is take me to dinner.
Aha, you don't understand, see.
You don't think
I'm worth dinner?
Oh... Oh... Oh, sure.
You're worth dinner.
You're breakfast, lunch, dinner,
maybe even a midnight snack.
Easy now, Devon.
One step at a time.
I'll meet you in the
dining room at eight.
Eight o'clock? Devon?
Well, you see, the
thing is, I'm not really...
What the hell? Why fight it?
Finished yet?
We thought you'd have
a sequel out by now.
Keep it up and both of you
are out of the dedication.
What kind of a book
is it going to be?
It's a western.
It's called Showdown
in a Forgotten Town.
Hey, that sounds great.
Here's how it starts.
It was one of those
scorching hot days,
the kind you only
get in Nebraska.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
overlooking the bleak
and desolate prairie.
I like it. Keep going.
Oh, that's it so far.
That's it?
DOC: One sentence?
You'll never finish that book.
These things take time.
How long did it take you to
get through medical school?
Six months.
I only went to learn
bedside manners.
Forty years... I am not sure I
would have recognized you.
I would have known you anywhere.
Remember this?
Ah, you still have it.
Ah, how young I was.
And how beautiful you still are.
I tried so desperately
to find you.
When Paris was
taken by the Nazis,
some friends sneak me
out the country to Denmark.
They hid me.
Then I came to live with a
family in the United States.
And after the war ended,
we all tried to find you,
but always it came to nothing.
I searched for you until 1950.
Then I came to
the United States.
I'm a citizen now.
I, too.
You, uh, you never remarried?
No.
And you?
Oh, no, no.
You were my husband. You
will always be my husband.
Deep in my heart,
I always knew that
somehow some time
this day would come.
(soft music playing)
Devon King,
I'm going to be the envy
of every woman on the ship
with you as my dinner companion.
Let 'em eat their hearts out.
Can we have a table
right in the middle
where everyone can see us?
Everyone?
Mr. Grobecker, good evening.
I'll have a table for
you in a minute, sir.
Thank you.
Grobecker?
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
see, uh... I know.
You're traveling incognito.
You're sick of everyone
making a fuss over you.
Right. Yeah.
One person's all I want
making a fuss over me.
Oh Devon, you're fabulous.
Why did you have to pick
such a dopey name, Grobecker?
Honestly.
Remember our wedding?
It was during the war.
Her father had saved
a bottle of champagne
and when the cork popped,
all our friends dived
under the table.
We thought we
were being attacked.
(lounge music playing)
Gopher, Doc. Listen,
how is this for a title?
Passion Under a
Forgotten Magnolia Tree.
This still a western?
No. It's a romance. Look,
this is how it starts out.
It was one of those
scorching, hot days.
The kind you only
get in Alabama.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
ISAAC: overlooking
the bleak and desolate
Mississippi river.
Well, that Dirk
really gets around.
Wait a minute!
The Mississippi river doesn't
even run through Alabama.
I know that.
I didn't want to say Mississippi
twice in the same sentence.
Bad writing.
Oh.
Well, that's it.
That's as far as I've gotten.
I think you've got
a hit on your hands.
Fine.
Maybe I'm not cut out
for writing romance.
You know what kind
of book I really like?
Science fiction.
Yeah. Think of the movie sales.
Movie out of my book.
(soft music playing)
GILBERT: What a beautiful night
to follow a glorious day.
Yes.
When we get back,
I want you to make
changes in my home.
It could use a woman's touch.
Listen to me. I keep talking,
and I haven't even
kissed you yet.
(soft music playing)
What is it?
Have I said something wrong?
No.
You said everything right.
I told you.
It takes time to
make up 40 years.
We have no years to make up.
You... You are not my husband.
(dramatic music playing)
It seems that phony name,
Grobecker's getting around.
Nobody's bothering you.
Well, I was just tired
of all the ballyhoo.
I know it's a big bore to
you, but I think it's exciting.
Ah You can't fool me
anymore, Mr. King.
I'm one of your biggest fans.
Now, I don't mean
to disturb you,
would you autograph
that for me and my friends?
Mr. King wants to be...
Wait a minute. Listen, these
are the people who made me.
After all, what's a
couple autographs?
Ah (whistles).
(up-tempo music playing)
Sometimes I wish I was a nobody.
(knock on door)
Come in.
I'm sorry.
How did you know?
I felt it from the first.
But I did not want
to admit it to myself.
Perhaps it was the eyes
or the touch of your hand.
I... But I couldn't
understand was
how you knew everything.
Who are you?
When I first met your husband...
You knew him?
Yes. During the war.
We were in the same
concentration camp.
We became the
closest of friends.
The Germans didn't
treat him as badly as me
because he was in the Army,
and I was in the resistance.
GILBERT: He used
to sneak food to me.
He would take care
of me when I was ill.
And when I thought I
couldn't go on anymore,
he was always there
to give me the will to live.
That is Gilbert.
And you are the
one he lived for.
He talked about you constantly.
Until I felt...
I knew you intimately.
And then during the winter,
he got pneumonia, and he died.
(soft music playing)
I'm sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
And then?
He knew before he died
that I was going to
be executed very soon.
So he urged me
to take his identity.
It was my only
chance for survival.
GILBERT: Our
coloring was the same.
GILBERT: Our height.
The camp was crowded,
disorganized.
It worked.
So only his name lived?
After I was freed,
I tried to find you desperately
to tell you about Gilbert.
And then, after so
many years, I gave up.
You have always kept the name.
It made life easier,
and once I came to America,
I had become Gilbert Floreau.
But when they finally located us
and planned all this,
why did you not
tell them the truth?
I don't know.
Somehow I thought, uh...
I mean, I hoped you would
believe I was your Gilbert.
Forgive me.
It is strange.
He has been dead for 40 years,
but for me,
he has just died.
Ah, nice to get some fresh air.
My dance card has
been filled up all night.
Hey, guys.
What?
JULIE (whistles): Hello.
Hi.
Hi. No luck?
Science fiction is a killer.
Hmm. Have you got a title yet?
Oh yeah.
Invasion From a
Forgotten Galaxy.
Ah. I even have an
opening sentence for you.
It was one of those
hot and scorching days,
the kind you only
get on the sun.
- Girk stood poised...
- Dirk.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
by the retro-rockets
overlooking the bleak
and desolate Planet Earth.
I'm not cutting it, am I?
Well, uh, maybe
you're trying too hard.
I always heard that you should
write about things you know.
Yeah, that way I wouldn't
have to make anything up.
Right.
Oh, thanks, Julie.
You're a big help.
Sure. Anytime.
Write about what you know.
Why didn't I think of that?
Well,
this is my cabin.
Devon,
let's be honest.
Huh?
You're one of the most sought
after bachelors in Hollywood.
Everyone knows what
a fantastic lover you are.
Uh, well, not everyone.
I know firsthand.
Ah, well, you know, you meet
an awful lot of people when
you're in the shoe business.
Shoe business?
Show business.
Well, to tell you the truth, I
don't remember meeting you.
Oh, I remember the night we met
even if you don't.
Uh, well, listen.
About that night...
It was wonderful.
I know I'm just another one of
the countless faceless women
who pass through your life,
but I never
regretted what I did.
Ah, you're irresistible.
Maybe it's some
scent I give off.
I want you, Devon.
Just as I did then.
Do you have any aspirin?
This time
I want to mean something to you.
Oh... Oh... Oh you do mean
something to me, Marla.
You... You really do, but you
see what you don't understand...
That's why I think
we should wait.
Wait?
Yes.
Well, if you want to.
Good night, Devon.
I'll never get through
another day of this.
Thanks, Mrs. Collins. I'll
see you in the morning.
Oh.
(baby crying)
This is a big night
for you my little love.
You don't know it,
but tomorrow you're
going to meet your father.
(theme music playing)
GILBERT: Is there
anything I can do?
Thank you.
I will be all right,
but we will have
to tell the Captain.
I wanted to bring you happiness.
Instead, I brought you pain.
Well, perhaps it is
better after all these years
to finally know the truth.
- Yes.
- But in a way,
I am sorry your
plan did not work.
(soft music playing)
Hey, Doc!
I finally figured
something to write about.
It hit me last night. Now, what
do I know better than anything?
Oakland on $5 a day?
No. The things that
happen on a cruise ship.
Hey, not bad. Not bad at all.
That could even be
a television series.
Listen, I've already
finished the first 15 pages
- if you want to read 'em.
- Fifteen pages?
That sure beats one sentence.
Pacific Passions by
Isaac Washington.
That's a good title.
Oh yeah, that's very good.
Very good!
What was that? What was that?
Oh, you sure got Gopher pegged.
As usual, his mouth was moving
before his brain was grooving.
That's funny.
Well, it's not really Gopher.
I mean, it's fiction.
Well, sure, of course.
Isaac,
this doctor... This
fictional doctor... Dr. Bones.
Yeah.
Now, what does this mean?
He's had more
wives than patients?
DOC: What does that mean?
Well, it's kind of a
way of putting it, Doc.
It's kind of like a joke.
- Like a joke?
- Yeah.
Isaac, would you mind if I
take this with me to my office
I'd like to look it over
a little more carefully.
No. I wouldn't mind at all, Doc.
Go right ahead.
Oh, good.
Oh, fantastic. Hey, uh, Doc.
What?
Uh, feel free to make notes.
(theme music playing)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Good
morning and welcome to Mazatlan.
Land tours will be leaving from
the Fiesta Deck in ten minutes.
You ever met a big
star before, sweetheart?
There you go.
I never realized how
demanding it is being a star.
Neither did I.
I don't feel like sharing
you with these people.
I wish we could go off to
Mazatlan like normal people.
Just for the day, I wish
you weren't Devon King.
I wish you were a plumber.
Close enough.
Uh, Captain Stubing
will be here in a minute.
Thank you.
If there's anything
I can do to help.
No, thank you.
Okay.
I feel foolish.
So do I.
It would have been
such a wonderful cruise.
Uh, have you sailed before?
Oh, no. There's never enough
money for luxuries like this.
What do you do?
- I'm a school teacher.
- Oh.
My students all chipped in
and bought me these new
outfits I have been wearing.
They call it my trousseau.
Oh, I am sorry.
I did not mean to hurt you.
CAPTAIN: Good morning.
Good morning.
- A lovely day, isn't it?
- Yes.
Oh, before I forget.
Some reporters are flying
into Cabo San Lucas tomorrow.
They want permission to come
aboard and cover the ceremony
when you reaffirm
your marriage vows.
Now, don't tell me
you've forgotten.
We have everything scheduled
for first thing in the morning.
Uh, the minister is ready
and apparently half
the United States
is just waiting to see you two
on the front pages
of the newspapers.
Aha.
So, uh, you wanted to see me?
No. I... I... I mean, yes.
Yes. You see, we thought...
Captain, when you
reaffirm your marriage vows,
does the woman wear a veil?
I don't know.
Muskrat?
What kind of a name is that to
give a human being, Muskrat?
Wait'“ you get to the good part.
Is this Janie McGuire
supposed to be me?
Even a low down disaster
couldn't wipe the pert grin
from our Janie McGuire.
Well, that's not so bad.
But I mean, he makes
me out to be some,
a bumbling clown.
And I'm the Don Juan
in the doctor's suit.
When was I ever pert?
Dummy up, the scribe!
Hey, what's happening?
Well, we're just
reading the first chapter
of Pacific Passions.
What do you think?
I've never been so
insulted in my life!
GOPHER: Well, I'd
tell you how I feel,
but I'm not speaking to you.
What's the matter with them?
Isaac,
there's a difference between
writing characters in a book
and making fools
of your friends.
Now, possibly you might
be open to a few changes?
I think you have the parts of
Julie and Gopher down pat,
- but the part of the doctor...
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Would you ask Tolstoy to
change War and Peace?
Haven't you ever
heard of artistic license?
The first amendment.
I'm fighting this all the
way to the Supreme Court!
Oh, that was wonderful.
I had a terrific time.
So did I, the best.
There's no business
like show business.
Would I love to sell her a pair
of shoes two sizes too small.
What?
Oh, nothing. Marla...
You do care about me a
little bit, don't you, Devon.
Oh, oh more than a little bit,
but Marla there's
something I have to tell you.
I want you to come with me.
- Marla.
- Shhh.
(baby talk)
Yours?
Boy or girl?
Boy.
He's beautiful.
What's his name?
Devon.
That's a nice name, Devon.
Devon?
Um-hmm.
That wouldn't just happen
to be a fantastic coincidence,
would it?
No.
I didn't think so.
Oh boy.
(theme music playing)
Isaac, what's the matter?
You look like you
lost your best friend?
Maybe all of them.
It's the book, sir.
Nobody wants me to write it.
Oh, well. Frankly,
science fiction...
No. This is a book
about the crew.
Oh, I see.
Hits a little too
close to home, huh?
Well, Isaac no one ever
said a writer's life was easy.
You keep plugging away.
Hang in there. Do
what you have to do.
Be your own man and don't
let anyone dissuade you.
Thank you, skipper.
You know, you're the
only one who understands.
I hope you straightened him
out about this book business.
Eh, I encouraged him to keep
writing if that's what you mean.
Really?
You don't sound like the holy
terror of the high seas to me.
Holy terror?
I'm quoting your protege.
Captain Merring, hmm?
Has a reputation for
being the holy terror
of the high seas,
but I've seen
inside the real man,
pure marshmallow.
Marshmallow!
Pure.
Captain,
I want you to know I really
appreciate that pep talk.
Yes, uh, well Isaac,
about your book.
I'm not writing it anymore.
I'm typing it.
Much more professional.
Listen, I thought about it.
Are you sure you want
to go through with this?
I mean, the vows and all?
Oh yes.
I could not make a
fool out of the Captain
after he has been so kind to us.
You are a good person.
But please, understand.
I do not like what we are doing.
Taking sacred vows
without meaning it.
We'll do it for the Captain,
and then when the
spotlight is no longer on us,
you'll go back to your school,
and I'll go back to my business.
Could we have some of
your white wine, please?
Well, you never have told me
about what you do for a living.
America has been good to me.
I manufacture a small piece
that is part of a locking device
for car doors.
Just one small piece?
Yes. That's what I make.
But it's in every
door of every car,
and I'm the only
one who makes it.
That is a very
large small piece.
What would you do if they found
a way to do without that piece?
Nothing. I would shoot myself.
Oh, your sense of humor.
(soft music playing)
(up-tempo music playing)
Excuse me.
Oh, hi, Mr. King.
I'm not Devon King.
I'm Herb Grobecker.
Come on. Let's not
start that again, okay?
I do have a little something
going for me up here. You know?
Here. Look.
Herbert J. Grobecker.
But what about the
autographs and all that?
Oh, I did it because of Marla.
She's the kind of girl Herb
Grobecker could never get near.
Now I think I'm
in love with her.
Good!
Bad.
She thinks I'm Devon King.
So show her your
driver's license.
You can only show
it once a day or what?
She has my baby.
I mean, Devon's baby.
She thinks it's my baby.
If I tried to tell her now
I'm not Devon King,
she'd never believe me.
She'd think I was trying
to get out of something.
Oh yeah.
Okay, well, what would you do
if you really were Devon King?
I'd marry her.
Well then what would
you do if she knew
that you were Herbert Grobecker?
I'd marry her.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll ask her to marry me
as Devon King and then I'll
tell her I'm Herb Grobecker.
Hey, thanks, Gopher.
Don't mention it.
He doesn't fool me.
That's not Herb Grobecker.
That's Devon King, right Gopher?
Gopher? My name is Muskrat.
(upbeat music playing)
I think the salt air
shrinks their brains.
(theme music playing)
(up-tempo music playing)
Can't we just make Isaac stop?
I mean, what if somebody
else reads his book
I'm never going to be
able to show my face again.
Especially your perky smile.
Actually, Isaac's
well within his rights.
Yeah, sure. So we end up
looking like the Three Stooges.
I'm not going to ask him
for an autographed copy.
You know,
if that's the way Isaac sees us,
then maybe that's the
way Isaac should see us.
Hi, Julie. Are you
still sore at me?
Oh, Isaac, sweetie,
honey doll face,
don't be a silly nilly.
What?
Oh, but by the by,
could I have two of those tasty,
tangy terrific
tequilas you pour?
It's for that pert little
couple over there.
Julie, it's just a book.
Of coursy woursy.
Well, I got to go now.
Huggy kissy, huggy kissy.
Julie is acting weird.
Oh well, it's nothing
new. Excuse me, man.
Ah! I spilled the bowl.
What I have done?
What I have done?
Well, they're
acting just like kids.
Rotten kids.
Callow, unthinking, immature.
That's exactly what
I was thinking, Doc.
Excuse me. I can't
talk to you now, Isaac.
Not with all these
beautiful women around.
Make yourself a drink
and give yourself a
professional discount.
I wonder if Harold
Robbins has to
put up with this sort of thing.
(lounge music playing)
This ship reminds
me of California.
Full of young people.
Present company excluded.
Oh.
What do you like best
about living in California?
Ah, that's easy.
My garden, flowers
12 months a year.
How lucky for you.
Not in Minnesota.
My favorites are
the morning glories.
I have a trellis
covered with them.
GILBERT: You know that
at night they actually close up
and go to sleep.
Sometimes in the
morning I go out at sunrise
just to watch them awaken.
It's like being born every day.
It takes a sensitive man
to appreciate flowers.
Excuse me. Do you know
what I just heard about you two?
I've heard that neither
of you has danced
with any other person
for the entire cruise.
Oh.
Now, will you give her up?
Well, I'll wait for you on Deck.
Thank you.
Ah.
(lounge music playing)
Mrs. Floreau,
to watch you two warms my heart.
It's rare to see so much love.
Ah.
(soft music playing)
Hi, Marla.
Oh, hello.
What have you been up to?
Oh, drinking, thinking...
or maybe it was the
other way around.
So what do you think?
Well.
Uh...
I want to marry you.
What?
I love you, and... I
want to marry you.
But... Look, do you love me?
I mean me. Not my name
or how famous you think I am,
but do you love the guy
you went into Mazatlan with?
Yes.
But that's what
makes it so awful.
Awful?
That you love me is awful?
I lied to you.
The child isn't yours, Devon.
Oh yeah. I know.
You know?
What do you mean?
Wait a second. What do you mean?
I never met you at any party.
You never seen me
before in your life.
I'm a woman with a baby
who doesn't have a father.
I was scared. I was desperate.
And when I saw you,
a rich, successful
bachelor, I thought...
I scraped together
every last dime
I had to take this cruise
just to meet someone like you.
I want the best for Andrew,
things I can't
afford to give him.
A good home, good schools.
I think even a shoes
salesman can manage that.
Shoe salesman?
Who happens to
look like Devon King?
Oh...
Oh.
I promise you one thing.
Andrew's going to have
all the damn booties
he can ever possibly wear.
(soft music playing)
I have something to say.
I got the point from that
act the three of you put on.
And it's obvious.
You don't want
me to write a book.
Uh, we don't mind
you writing a book.
It's this book.
Whatever.
If having a best seller
means losing my best friends,
I'll have to be satisfied
just being a bartender.
Oh.
What a dumb idea that was.
It was my idea, and
I feel about this tall.
I'll be your date if you don't
mind going with a shorter man.
(theme music playing)
Uh, can we talk to you?
Sure.
About your book...
Listen,
I already told you guys
I'm not writing it anymore.
Isaac, that isn't
what we wanted.
Well, what do you want?
I guess what everybody wants,
to be portrayed better
than they really are.
Sure.
Even the partial truth hurts.
DOC: What we're
trying to say is...
we apologize.
We had no right to interfere.
In fact, we want
you to keep on going.
You mean it?
JULIE: Uh-huh.
Honest?
Ah, oh... Oh hey, from now on,
these characters are going
to be like you guys really are.
Fantastic.
JULIE: Aw, Isaac.
Uh-oh. I just
remembered something.
DOC: Huh?
Captain Stubing.
CAPTAIN: Don't worry about
him. He's a marshmallow.
Isaac, I believe
this belongs to you.
Oh, my book.
Oh.
I don't know what to say.
CAPTAIN: Just
remember one thing.
When they make
this into a movie,
Robert Redford plays me.
JULIE: Sir.
(theme music playing)
Coming in here, stopping,
the rest is up to you.
Good luck.
Be ready.
Here they come.
I feel so deceitful.
But it's far too late
to back out now.
Yes.
Captain, oh, she
looks beautiful.
Come on, honey.
When this is over, we'll
go back to California,
and we will be married properly.
Perhaps in my garden.
Under a trellis of
morning glories.
At sunrise?
At sunrise.
Excuse me, Mr. Floreau.
But I think you should
wait until after the ceremony
to kiss the bride.
I'm just practicing.
(upbeat music playing)
(theme music playing)
(upbeat music playing)
Uh-oh.
What are you doing?
Not signing another
autograph as long as I live.
Look, it's Woody Allen!
(upbeat music playing)
How was it?
Couldn't have been better,
a marvelous ship,
a wonderful captain
and the perfect mate.
Oh.
REPORTER: Which wedding
was better, Mrs. Floreau,
this one or the
one 40 years ago?
Oh, I could not possibly say.
All I know is they were the
two happiest events of my life.
Aw, goodbye, Captain
and thank you again.
- Goodbye. Good luck.
- Thank you, Captain.
Of course, once I got
out of medical school
things really started to change.
First, I joined the Navy.
Isaac, hey.
Uh, listen, I just jotted down
some of the really funny things
that have happened
to me, you know?
Here you go
Wow.
Thirty-eight pages?
Yeah. Those are just
the really funny things.
JULIE: Isaac.
I found something to
help you with your book.
I don't usually do this,
but this is my diary.
ISAAC: Oh, wow. Now,
wait a minute, you guys.
Wait just a minute. I mean,
I'm just starting
out as a writer.
I don't think I'm ready
for a collaboration.
Isaac's right.
We should give him a chance
to be alone with his muse.
- Right.
- Sorry, Isaac.
- Sorry. Too pushy.
- See ya later.
No, uh... GOPHER: Okay. Okay.
It's wonderful.
Hey, don't forget the
story on page seven.
It's about the time I
wore a chicken suit
to my college graduation.
Well.
I see they're finally allowing
you to be your own man.
Yes, sir.
Good, good.
Did I ever tell you
that I was in the South
Pacific during the big war?
Uh, no sir.
It was one of those
scorching, hot days,
the kind you only get
in the South Pacific.
And there I was facing
a wolfpack of submarines.
(theme music playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard ♪
♪ It's love ♪
(theme music playing)
Excuse me, sir.
Uh, oh yes, thank you.
Let's see,
we've covered all
the social events.
Yes sir, I think so.
Now Gopher, what about cabin
110 on the Promenade Deck?
Ah, yes sir.
Well, the hole in
the ceiling is fixed,
but I recommend that from here
on we do now allow passengers
to bring their
trampolines on board.
Now, what about
Mr. and Mrs. Floreau?
Oh, sir. We're getting great
coverage on the Floreau story.
Look at that, huh?
JULIE: Isn't that romantic?
That makes me feel good
bringing together two people
who've been separated this long.
Forty years.
I would have given up hope.
Oh, not Mrs. Floreau.
She just wouldn't believe
that her husband was dead.
Wouldn't it be funny if
she finally gets together
with the guy and find
out she can't stand him?
Humor is important in life.
Well, I guess that's about all.
Yes, sir.
Let's, uh, keep on our
toes this cruise as usual.
No. This time, do it right.
Captain, a new book?
Uh, yes, yes. I joined this
book club a few years ago.
Uh, you know, six
best sellers for a dime.
You've got a library of
books you never wanted.
Right. Last month's
selection was
Starch, The History of
Laundry in North America.
Isaac, look at this.
This guy's from your
hometown, Oakland.
- ISAAC: No kidding?
- JULIE: Look.
Hey, dig this! He was
a high school dropout,
dishwasher, farm
hand and a bartender.
And now he's making millions.
Millions... of dollars?
They're the best kind.
Could have been a writer.
All you got to do is sit
down and write, right?
- Right.
- Right.
Right.
I could still be a writer.
I mean, how tough could it be?
Isaac Washington, author.
I'm going to the gift shop. Aha!
To get some paper and pencil?
No. A pipe
and leather patches
for my tweed jacket
and an ascot and
maybe even a monocle.
Yeah, a monocle.
Oh boy.
(up-tempo music playing)
Madame Floreau, a
few questions, please.
Oh, yes of course.
When did you see
your husband last?
Uh, 1939.
Do you think you'll
recognize him?
Oh, it has been a long time.
You were childhood
sweethearts in France?
Uh, yes.
How long were you married before
you were separated by the war?
Almost eight months.
Do you still love him?
Ah, all these questions.
Uh, fellows, fellows, please.
That's enough for
now. Thank you.
(upbeat music playing)
Hello.
Is there anything I
could possibly do... Oh.
Hey, I know you!
You're, um... you're um... Oh.
Herb Grobecker.
No, no.
You're... You're Devon
King. You're that TV star.
No, no. I'm Herb Grobecker,
the shoe salesman.
Are you sure?
Boy you... You
look just like him.
Yeah, I know. I know.
A lot of people think so.
But he's a rich,
famous TV star and me?
I just fit little old ladies with
orthopedic jogging shoes.
Incredible.
Well, not really.
People of all ages
are jogging these days.
Ah.
I'll see ya.
Uh, in just a few more minutes,
Mrs. Roman, and he’ll be here.
Yes.
Devon King?
Marla, you've waited
a long time for this.
Mrs. Floreau?
Gilbert?
(soft music playing)
(horn blowing)
(upbeat music playing)
You're Devon King, aren't you?
My sister and I never
miss your TV show.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You've got the wrong guy.
Hello, Devon.
Uh no. No, I... uh, uh.
Hi.
You don't recognize me, do you?
Well, you get around.
I'm not surprised.
Marla Sams.
Oh.
We met a disco party in
Beverly Hills about a year ago.
You said I had the most
beautiful eyes you'd ever seen.
Oh... Oh, you do. You
do... You definitely do.
You also have the
most beautiful, uh...
Why didn't you call me
as you said you would?
Uh... Uh... Well, uh,
you see, the fact is...
I... I'm not really, uh...
MARLA: You don't
have to apologize.
But the least you could
do is take me to dinner.
Aha, you don't understand, see.
You don't think
I'm worth dinner?
Oh... Oh... Oh, sure.
You're worth dinner.
You're breakfast, lunch, dinner,
maybe even a midnight snack.
Easy now, Devon.
One step at a time.
I'll meet you in the
dining room at eight.
Eight o'clock? Devon?
Well, you see, the
thing is, I'm not really...
What the hell? Why fight it?
Finished yet?
We thought you'd have
a sequel out by now.
Keep it up and both of you
are out of the dedication.
What kind of a book
is it going to be?
It's a western.
It's called Showdown
in a Forgotten Town.
Hey, that sounds great.
Here's how it starts.
It was one of those
scorching hot days,
the kind you only
get in Nebraska.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
overlooking the bleak
and desolate prairie.
I like it. Keep going.
Oh, that's it so far.
That's it?
DOC: One sentence?
You'll never finish that book.
These things take time.
How long did it take you to
get through medical school?
Six months.
I only went to learn
bedside manners.
Forty years... I am not sure I
would have recognized you.
I would have known you anywhere.
Remember this?
Ah, you still have it.
Ah, how young I was.
And how beautiful you still are.
I tried so desperately
to find you.
When Paris was
taken by the Nazis,
some friends sneak me
out the country to Denmark.
They hid me.
Then I came to live with a
family in the United States.
And after the war ended,
we all tried to find you,
but always it came to nothing.
I searched for you until 1950.
Then I came to
the United States.
I'm a citizen now.
I, too.
You, uh, you never remarried?
No.
And you?
Oh, no, no.
You were my husband. You
will always be my husband.
Deep in my heart,
I always knew that
somehow some time
this day would come.
(soft music playing)
Devon King,
I'm going to be the envy
of every woman on the ship
with you as my dinner companion.
Let 'em eat their hearts out.
Can we have a table
right in the middle
where everyone can see us?
Everyone?
Mr. Grobecker, good evening.
I'll have a table for
you in a minute, sir.
Thank you.
Grobecker?
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
see, uh... I know.
You're traveling incognito.
You're sick of everyone
making a fuss over you.
Right. Yeah.
One person's all I want
making a fuss over me.
Oh Devon, you're fabulous.
Why did you have to pick
such a dopey name, Grobecker?
Honestly.
Remember our wedding?
It was during the war.
Her father had saved
a bottle of champagne
and when the cork popped,
all our friends dived
under the table.
We thought we
were being attacked.
(lounge music playing)
Gopher, Doc. Listen,
how is this for a title?
Passion Under a
Forgotten Magnolia Tree.
This still a western?
No. It's a romance. Look,
this is how it starts out.
It was one of those
scorching, hot days.
The kind you only
get in Alabama.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
ISAAC: overlooking
the bleak and desolate
Mississippi river.
Well, that Dirk
really gets around.
Wait a minute!
The Mississippi river doesn't
even run through Alabama.
I know that.
I didn't want to say Mississippi
twice in the same sentence.
Bad writing.
Oh.
Well, that's it.
That's as far as I've gotten.
I think you've got
a hit on your hands.
Fine.
Maybe I'm not cut out
for writing romance.
You know what kind
of book I really like?
Science fiction.
Yeah. Think of the movie sales.
Movie out of my book.
(soft music playing)
GILBERT: What a beautiful night
to follow a glorious day.
Yes.
When we get back,
I want you to make
changes in my home.
It could use a woman's touch.
Listen to me. I keep talking,
and I haven't even
kissed you yet.
(soft music playing)
What is it?
Have I said something wrong?
No.
You said everything right.
I told you.
It takes time to
make up 40 years.
We have no years to make up.
You... You are not my husband.
(dramatic music playing)
It seems that phony name,
Grobecker's getting around.
Nobody's bothering you.
Well, I was just tired
of all the ballyhoo.
I know it's a big bore to
you, but I think it's exciting.
Ah You can't fool me
anymore, Mr. King.
I'm one of your biggest fans.
Now, I don't mean
to disturb you,
would you autograph
that for me and my friends?
Mr. King wants to be...
Wait a minute. Listen, these
are the people who made me.
After all, what's a
couple autographs?
Ah (whistles).
(up-tempo music playing)
Sometimes I wish I was a nobody.
(knock on door)
Come in.
I'm sorry.
How did you know?
I felt it from the first.
But I did not want
to admit it to myself.
Perhaps it was the eyes
or the touch of your hand.
I... But I couldn't
understand was
how you knew everything.
Who are you?
When I first met your husband...
You knew him?
Yes. During the war.
We were in the same
concentration camp.
We became the
closest of friends.
The Germans didn't
treat him as badly as me
because he was in the Army,
and I was in the resistance.
GILBERT: He used
to sneak food to me.
He would take care
of me when I was ill.
And when I thought I
couldn't go on anymore,
he was always there
to give me the will to live.
That is Gilbert.
And you are the
one he lived for.
He talked about you constantly.
Until I felt...
I knew you intimately.
And then during the winter,
he got pneumonia, and he died.
(soft music playing)
I'm sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
And then?
He knew before he died
that I was going to
be executed very soon.
So he urged me
to take his identity.
It was my only
chance for survival.
GILBERT: Our
coloring was the same.
GILBERT: Our height.
The camp was crowded,
disorganized.
It worked.
So only his name lived?
After I was freed,
I tried to find you desperately
to tell you about Gilbert.
And then, after so
many years, I gave up.
You have always kept the name.
It made life easier,
and once I came to America,
I had become Gilbert Floreau.
But when they finally located us
and planned all this,
why did you not
tell them the truth?
I don't know.
Somehow I thought, uh...
I mean, I hoped you would
believe I was your Gilbert.
Forgive me.
It is strange.
He has been dead for 40 years,
but for me,
he has just died.
Ah, nice to get some fresh air.
My dance card has
been filled up all night.
Hey, guys.
What?
JULIE (whistles): Hello.
Hi.
Hi. No luck?
Science fiction is a killer.
Hmm. Have you got a title yet?
Oh yeah.
Invasion From a
Forgotten Galaxy.
Ah. I even have an
opening sentence for you.
It was one of those
hot and scorching days,
the kind you only
get on the sun.
- Girk stood poised...
- Dirk.
Dirk stood poised
in the stirrups
by the retro-rockets
overlooking the bleak
and desolate Planet Earth.
I'm not cutting it, am I?
Well, uh, maybe
you're trying too hard.
I always heard that you should
write about things you know.
Yeah, that way I wouldn't
have to make anything up.
Right.
Oh, thanks, Julie.
You're a big help.
Sure. Anytime.
Write about what you know.
Why didn't I think of that?
Well,
this is my cabin.
Devon,
let's be honest.
Huh?
You're one of the most sought
after bachelors in Hollywood.
Everyone knows what
a fantastic lover you are.
Uh, well, not everyone.
I know firsthand.
Ah, well, you know, you meet
an awful lot of people when
you're in the shoe business.
Shoe business?
Show business.
Well, to tell you the truth, I
don't remember meeting you.
Oh, I remember the night we met
even if you don't.
Uh, well, listen.
About that night...
It was wonderful.
I know I'm just another one of
the countless faceless women
who pass through your life,
but I never
regretted what I did.
Ah, you're irresistible.
Maybe it's some
scent I give off.
I want you, Devon.
Just as I did then.
Do you have any aspirin?
This time
I want to mean something to you.
Oh... Oh... Oh you do mean
something to me, Marla.
You... You really do, but you
see what you don't understand...
That's why I think
we should wait.
Wait?
Yes.
Well, if you want to.
Good night, Devon.
I'll never get through
another day of this.
Thanks, Mrs. Collins. I'll
see you in the morning.
Oh.
(baby crying)
This is a big night
for you my little love.
You don't know it,
but tomorrow you're
going to meet your father.
(theme music playing)
GILBERT: Is there
anything I can do?
Thank you.
I will be all right,
but we will have
to tell the Captain.
I wanted to bring you happiness.
Instead, I brought you pain.
Well, perhaps it is
better after all these years
to finally know the truth.
- Yes.
- But in a way,
I am sorry your
plan did not work.
(soft music playing)
Hey, Doc!
I finally figured
something to write about.
It hit me last night. Now, what
do I know better than anything?
Oakland on $5 a day?
No. The things that
happen on a cruise ship.
Hey, not bad. Not bad at all.
That could even be
a television series.
Listen, I've already
finished the first 15 pages
- if you want to read 'em.
- Fifteen pages?
That sure beats one sentence.
Pacific Passions by
Isaac Washington.
That's a good title.
Oh yeah, that's very good.
Very good!
What was that? What was that?
Oh, you sure got Gopher pegged.
As usual, his mouth was moving
before his brain was grooving.
That's funny.
Well, it's not really Gopher.
I mean, it's fiction.
Well, sure, of course.
Isaac,
this doctor... This
fictional doctor... Dr. Bones.
Yeah.
Now, what does this mean?
He's had more
wives than patients?
DOC: What does that mean?
Well, it's kind of a
way of putting it, Doc.
It's kind of like a joke.
- Like a joke?
- Yeah.
Isaac, would you mind if I
take this with me to my office
I'd like to look it over
a little more carefully.
No. I wouldn't mind at all, Doc.
Go right ahead.
Oh, good.
Oh, fantastic. Hey, uh, Doc.
What?
Uh, feel free to make notes.
(theme music playing)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Good
morning and welcome to Mazatlan.
Land tours will be leaving from
the Fiesta Deck in ten minutes.
You ever met a big
star before, sweetheart?
There you go.
I never realized how
demanding it is being a star.
Neither did I.
I don't feel like sharing
you with these people.
I wish we could go off to
Mazatlan like normal people.
Just for the day, I wish
you weren't Devon King.
I wish you were a plumber.
Close enough.
Uh, Captain Stubing
will be here in a minute.
Thank you.
If there's anything
I can do to help.
No, thank you.
Okay.
I feel foolish.
So do I.
It would have been
such a wonderful cruise.
Uh, have you sailed before?
Oh, no. There's never enough
money for luxuries like this.
What do you do?
- I'm a school teacher.
- Oh.
My students all chipped in
and bought me these new
outfits I have been wearing.
They call it my trousseau.
Oh, I am sorry.
I did not mean to hurt you.
CAPTAIN: Good morning.
Good morning.
- A lovely day, isn't it?
- Yes.
Oh, before I forget.
Some reporters are flying
into Cabo San Lucas tomorrow.
They want permission to come
aboard and cover the ceremony
when you reaffirm
your marriage vows.
Now, don't tell me
you've forgotten.
We have everything scheduled
for first thing in the morning.
Uh, the minister is ready
and apparently half
the United States
is just waiting to see you two
on the front pages
of the newspapers.
Aha.
So, uh, you wanted to see me?
No. I... I... I mean, yes.
Yes. You see, we thought...
Captain, when you
reaffirm your marriage vows,
does the woman wear a veil?
I don't know.
Muskrat?
What kind of a name is that to
give a human being, Muskrat?
Wait'“ you get to the good part.
Is this Janie McGuire
supposed to be me?
Even a low down disaster
couldn't wipe the pert grin
from our Janie McGuire.
Well, that's not so bad.
But I mean, he makes
me out to be some,
a bumbling clown.
And I'm the Don Juan
in the doctor's suit.
When was I ever pert?
Dummy up, the scribe!
Hey, what's happening?
Well, we're just
reading the first chapter
of Pacific Passions.
What do you think?
I've never been so
insulted in my life!
GOPHER: Well, I'd
tell you how I feel,
but I'm not speaking to you.
What's the matter with them?
Isaac,
there's a difference between
writing characters in a book
and making fools
of your friends.
Now, possibly you might
be open to a few changes?
I think you have the parts of
Julie and Gopher down pat,
- but the part of the doctor...
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Would you ask Tolstoy to
change War and Peace?
Haven't you ever
heard of artistic license?
The first amendment.
I'm fighting this all the
way to the Supreme Court!
Oh, that was wonderful.
I had a terrific time.
So did I, the best.
There's no business
like show business.
Would I love to sell her a pair
of shoes two sizes too small.
What?
Oh, nothing. Marla...
You do care about me a
little bit, don't you, Devon.
Oh, oh more than a little bit,
but Marla there's
something I have to tell you.
I want you to come with me.
- Marla.
- Shhh.
(baby talk)
Yours?
Boy or girl?
Boy.
He's beautiful.
What's his name?
Devon.
That's a nice name, Devon.
Devon?
Um-hmm.
That wouldn't just happen
to be a fantastic coincidence,
would it?
No.
I didn't think so.
Oh boy.
(theme music playing)
Isaac, what's the matter?
You look like you
lost your best friend?
Maybe all of them.
It's the book, sir.
Nobody wants me to write it.
Oh, well. Frankly,
science fiction...
No. This is a book
about the crew.
Oh, I see.
Hits a little too
close to home, huh?
Well, Isaac no one ever
said a writer's life was easy.
You keep plugging away.
Hang in there. Do
what you have to do.
Be your own man and don't
let anyone dissuade you.
Thank you, skipper.
You know, you're the
only one who understands.
I hope you straightened him
out about this book business.
Eh, I encouraged him to keep
writing if that's what you mean.
Really?
You don't sound like the holy
terror of the high seas to me.
Holy terror?
I'm quoting your protege.
Captain Merring, hmm?
Has a reputation for
being the holy terror
of the high seas,
but I've seen
inside the real man,
pure marshmallow.
Marshmallow!
Pure.
Captain,
I want you to know I really
appreciate that pep talk.
Yes, uh, well Isaac,
about your book.
I'm not writing it anymore.
I'm typing it.
Much more professional.
Listen, I thought about it.
Are you sure you want
to go through with this?
I mean, the vows and all?
Oh yes.
I could not make a
fool out of the Captain
after he has been so kind to us.
You are a good person.
But please, understand.
I do not like what we are doing.
Taking sacred vows
without meaning it.
We'll do it for the Captain,
and then when the
spotlight is no longer on us,
you'll go back to your school,
and I'll go back to my business.
Could we have some of
your white wine, please?
Well, you never have told me
about what you do for a living.
America has been good to me.
I manufacture a small piece
that is part of a locking device
for car doors.
Just one small piece?
Yes. That's what I make.
But it's in every
door of every car,
and I'm the only
one who makes it.
That is a very
large small piece.
What would you do if they found
a way to do without that piece?
Nothing. I would shoot myself.
Oh, your sense of humor.
(soft music playing)
(up-tempo music playing)
Excuse me.
Oh, hi, Mr. King.
I'm not Devon King.
I'm Herb Grobecker.
Come on. Let's not
start that again, okay?
I do have a little something
going for me up here. You know?
Here. Look.
Herbert J. Grobecker.
But what about the
autographs and all that?
Oh, I did it because of Marla.
She's the kind of girl Herb
Grobecker could never get near.
Now I think I'm
in love with her.
Good!
Bad.
She thinks I'm Devon King.
So show her your
driver's license.
You can only show
it once a day or what?
She has my baby.
I mean, Devon's baby.
She thinks it's my baby.
If I tried to tell her now
I'm not Devon King,
she'd never believe me.
She'd think I was trying
to get out of something.
Oh yeah.
Okay, well, what would you do
if you really were Devon King?
I'd marry her.
Well then what would
you do if she knew
that you were Herbert Grobecker?
I'd marry her.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll ask her to marry me
as Devon King and then I'll
tell her I'm Herb Grobecker.
Hey, thanks, Gopher.
Don't mention it.
He doesn't fool me.
That's not Herb Grobecker.
That's Devon King, right Gopher?
Gopher? My name is Muskrat.
(upbeat music playing)
I think the salt air
shrinks their brains.
(theme music playing)
(up-tempo music playing)
Can't we just make Isaac stop?
I mean, what if somebody
else reads his book
I'm never going to be
able to show my face again.
Especially your perky smile.
Actually, Isaac's
well within his rights.
Yeah, sure. So we end up
looking like the Three Stooges.
I'm not going to ask him
for an autographed copy.
You know,
if that's the way Isaac sees us,
then maybe that's the
way Isaac should see us.
Hi, Julie. Are you
still sore at me?
Oh, Isaac, sweetie,
honey doll face,
don't be a silly nilly.
What?
Oh, but by the by,
could I have two of those tasty,
tangy terrific
tequilas you pour?
It's for that pert little
couple over there.
Julie, it's just a book.
Of coursy woursy.
Well, I got to go now.
Huggy kissy, huggy kissy.
Julie is acting weird.
Oh well, it's nothing
new. Excuse me, man.
Ah! I spilled the bowl.
What I have done?
What I have done?
Well, they're
acting just like kids.
Rotten kids.
Callow, unthinking, immature.
That's exactly what
I was thinking, Doc.
Excuse me. I can't
talk to you now, Isaac.
Not with all these
beautiful women around.
Make yourself a drink
and give yourself a
professional discount.
I wonder if Harold
Robbins has to
put up with this sort of thing.
(lounge music playing)
This ship reminds
me of California.
Full of young people.
Present company excluded.
Oh.
What do you like best
about living in California?
Ah, that's easy.
My garden, flowers
12 months a year.
How lucky for you.
Not in Minnesota.
My favorites are
the morning glories.
I have a trellis
covered with them.
GILBERT: You know that
at night they actually close up
and go to sleep.
Sometimes in the
morning I go out at sunrise
just to watch them awaken.
It's like being born every day.
It takes a sensitive man
to appreciate flowers.
Excuse me. Do you know
what I just heard about you two?
I've heard that neither
of you has danced
with any other person
for the entire cruise.
Oh.
Now, will you give her up?
Well, I'll wait for you on Deck.
Thank you.
Ah.
(lounge music playing)
Mrs. Floreau,
to watch you two warms my heart.
It's rare to see so much love.
Ah.
(soft music playing)
Hi, Marla.
Oh, hello.
What have you been up to?
Oh, drinking, thinking...
or maybe it was the
other way around.
So what do you think?
Well.
Uh...
I want to marry you.
What?
I love you, and... I
want to marry you.
But... Look, do you love me?
I mean me. Not my name
or how famous you think I am,
but do you love the guy
you went into Mazatlan with?
Yes.
But that's what
makes it so awful.
Awful?
That you love me is awful?
I lied to you.
The child isn't yours, Devon.
Oh yeah. I know.
You know?
What do you mean?
Wait a second. What do you mean?
I never met you at any party.
You never seen me
before in your life.
I'm a woman with a baby
who doesn't have a father.
I was scared. I was desperate.
And when I saw you,
a rich, successful
bachelor, I thought...
I scraped together
every last dime
I had to take this cruise
just to meet someone like you.
I want the best for Andrew,
things I can't
afford to give him.
A good home, good schools.
I think even a shoes
salesman can manage that.
Shoe salesman?
Who happens to
look like Devon King?
Oh...
Oh.
I promise you one thing.
Andrew's going to have
all the damn booties
he can ever possibly wear.
(soft music playing)
I have something to say.
I got the point from that
act the three of you put on.
And it's obvious.
You don't want
me to write a book.
Uh, we don't mind
you writing a book.
It's this book.
Whatever.
If having a best seller
means losing my best friends,
I'll have to be satisfied
just being a bartender.
Oh.
What a dumb idea that was.
It was my idea, and
I feel about this tall.
I'll be your date if you don't
mind going with a shorter man.
(theme music playing)
Uh, can we talk to you?
Sure.
About your book...
Listen,
I already told you guys
I'm not writing it anymore.
Isaac, that isn't
what we wanted.
Well, what do you want?
I guess what everybody wants,
to be portrayed better
than they really are.
Sure.
Even the partial truth hurts.
DOC: What we're
trying to say is...
we apologize.
We had no right to interfere.
In fact, we want
you to keep on going.
You mean it?
JULIE: Uh-huh.
Honest?
Ah, oh... Oh hey, from now on,
these characters are going
to be like you guys really are.
Fantastic.
JULIE: Aw, Isaac.
Uh-oh. I just
remembered something.
DOC: Huh?
Captain Stubing.
CAPTAIN: Don't worry about
him. He's a marshmallow.
Isaac, I believe
this belongs to you.
Oh, my book.
Oh.
I don't know what to say.
CAPTAIN: Just
remember one thing.
When they make
this into a movie,
Robert Redford plays me.
JULIE: Sir.
(theme music playing)
Coming in here, stopping,
the rest is up to you.
Good luck.
Be ready.
Here they come.
I feel so deceitful.
But it's far too late
to back out now.
Yes.
Captain, oh, she
looks beautiful.
Come on, honey.
When this is over, we'll
go back to California,
and we will be married properly.
Perhaps in my garden.
Under a trellis of
morning glories.
At sunrise?
At sunrise.
Excuse me, Mr. Floreau.
But I think you should
wait until after the ceremony
to kiss the bride.
I'm just practicing.
(upbeat music playing)
(theme music playing)
(upbeat music playing)
Uh-oh.
What are you doing?
Not signing another
autograph as long as I live.
Look, it's Woody Allen!
(upbeat music playing)
How was it?
Couldn't have been better,
a marvelous ship,
a wonderful captain
and the perfect mate.
Oh.
REPORTER: Which wedding
was better, Mrs. Floreau,
this one or the
one 40 years ago?
Oh, I could not possibly say.
All I know is they were the
two happiest events of my life.
Aw, goodbye, Captain
and thank you again.
- Goodbye. Good luck.
- Thank you, Captain.
Of course, once I got
out of medical school
things really started to change.
First, I joined the Navy.
Isaac, hey.
Uh, listen, I just jotted down
some of the really funny things
that have happened
to me, you know?
Here you go
Wow.
Thirty-eight pages?
Yeah. Those are just
the really funny things.
JULIE: Isaac.
I found something to
help you with your book.
I don't usually do this,
but this is my diary.
ISAAC: Oh, wow. Now,
wait a minute, you guys.
Wait just a minute. I mean,
I'm just starting
out as a writer.
I don't think I'm ready
for a collaboration.
Isaac's right.
We should give him a chance
to be alone with his muse.
- Right.
- Sorry, Isaac.
- Sorry. Too pushy.
- See ya later.
No, uh... GOPHER: Okay. Okay.
It's wonderful.
Hey, don't forget the
story on page seven.
It's about the time I
wore a chicken suit
to my college graduation.
Well.
I see they're finally allowing
you to be your own man.
Yes, sir.
Good, good.
Did I ever tell you
that I was in the South
Pacific during the big war?
Uh, no sir.
It was one of those
scorching, hot days,
the kind you only get
in the South Pacific.
And there I was facing
a wolfpack of submarines.
(theme music playing)