The Loud House (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 20 - The Loud House - full transcript
The sisters enlist the "Master of Convincing" (AKA Lincoln) to teach them how to ask Mom and Dad for money. Lisa gets her report card and finds she's failed "social skills". To bring up her grade, she must make a friend.
- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat rock music]
♪
- Why is your scarf
on my shelf?
- Maybe your shelf
is underneath my scarf.
Did you ever think of that?
- Yo, dudes, who
can spot me some green?
- [squeals]
I want to play.
Um, that sweater.
That plant.
Wait!
Are my eyes green?
- No, I mean I need cash.
There's a Mick Swagger
auction today,
and I really need to
buy this beauty.
Mick wore it every night
of his Mild Horses tour.
It still has his pit stains.
- Well, Leni and I
are literally broke.
Try Mom and Dad.
- Mom and Dad?
What's the point, dude?
They'll just lay that whole
"big family, small budget"
rap on me.
Bogus!
- [screams]
Lori.
I think my eyes are stuck.
- Lincoln, where are you?
I thought we were
getting ready together?
- Yeah, we gotta
put our faces on
if we're gonna
hang with them rock stars.
- Hold on.
Smooch is having a special
VIP concert tonight,
where you get to go backstage
and meet the band.
In the immortal words
of my sister Luna,
it's gonna be rockin'!
I'll be right over.
I just gotta get
the money for my ticket.
- What? You haven't
asked your parents yet?
- Guys, don't worry.
You know I'm the
master of convincing,
especially when
it comes to my parents.
Got my suit dry-cleaned,
my speech written,
my turkey tail slicked.
Yes, sir, I'm ready to go.
- You say good-bye,
and I say hello.
- Luna!
- Sorry, bro.
It's an emergency.
You gotta help me
convince the 'rents
to cough up the dough for this.
- I think that's
the wrong picture.
It looks like a sweaty T-shirt.
- Yeah!
Mick Swagger's sweaty T-shirt.
- I'd love to help you,
but I have my own business
to attend to.
- But, dude,
the auction ends in an hour!
Come on!
This is urge!
- Why do you need my help?
- You said it yourself, bro,
you're the master of convincing.
Please.
I ain't too proud to beg.
- [sighs]
Okay, fine.
- Radical.
So what's the plan?
You gonna write me a speech?
Do I get to wear the blue suit?
- No, no.
The secret to convincing
is to use your strengths.
- ♪ And that's why I need
♪ The pit-stained T
I say pit!
You say stain!
Pit!
[together]
Stain!
- Pit!
Both: Stain!
- Whoo-hoo!
Take the cash.
- ♪ The 'rents gave me money
for this crusty T ♪
♪ Thank you baby bro
for helping me ♪
- No problem.
Now it's my turn.
- Whoa, he helped you
get money from Mom and Dad?
- Yep, he's the
master of convincing.
- Watch the turkey tail.
- Ooh, can you help
me and Lori too?
We need a closet organizer.
- Yeah, I need a tuxedo
for Mr. Coconuts.
- I require certain isotopes
for my research.
- I need the preserved skeleton
of an 1840s gold miner.
- Guys, I can't deal
with this right now.
I have my own thing
to take care of.
- Oh, we get it.
You love Luna the best.
- We'll just watch her
enjoy the thing
you helped her get.
- Oh, sorry to
bother you, Lincoln.
We mistook you for someone who
cares about all of his sisters.
- [sighs]
Okay, fine.
Now, the key to convincing
is to use your strengths.
- Well, folks,
you've been great.
I'd stay longer,
but I have a family reunion
at the lumber yard.
Har-har-har.
[both laughing]
- Oh, Mr. Coconuts.
- I can't--I can't--
- You are too funny.
- Yeah, it's too bad he can't
go to the big comedy gala.
It's black tie,
and he can't afford a tuxedo.
Ah, coconuts!
- What?
He has to go!
[fanfare]
- Gee, Daddy,
if you got me a new engine
for my jeep,
I'd be the happiest
little girl in the world.
- And I'd be her happy little
grease monkey.
- Aw, how can I say no
to my adorable little girls?
[fanfare]
- Behold
a simulation of a future
made possible
by my latest research.
- Honey, this is amazing.
[futuristic electronic music]
- True, but
it can't come to fruition
until I get my hands on
the necessary isotopes.
- Then you shall have
those isotopes.
[fanfare]
- Wait, what is this?
[dramatic music]
- Uh-oh.
There's still a few glitches
in the system,
but I'm dealing with them.
[rousing music]
- Four-zip?
You are destroying me.
- That's what you get
for challenging your old man.
- How about this:
if I can beat you,
you buy me a new basketball hoop
for the garage?
- It never hurts to dream.
[heavy rock music]
♪
- [cheers]
- Honey, can you get my wallet
from my pocket?
I think I sprained--
well, everything.
- Today, we remember Lucy Loud,
who lived to be 105
but never got over
the dashed childhood dream
of owning a real human skeleton.
- We get it.
You can have the money.
[eerie organ music]
♪
- Need a better closet system...
- Need a new closet organizer...
- Because there's an odd...
- Because some stuff is hers...
- Number of shelves and even...
- But some stuff is mine but...
- Okay, okay, take the money.
Just please stop talking.
[dainty music]
[tears bubbling]
- [wails]
[wailing]
both: Please, take the money!
- [giggles]
- Finally.
It's the master's turn.
And those are the three R's
of why you should fund
my ticket to
the VIP Smooch concert tonight.
A-thank you.
- Well, we always enjoy
your little presentations.
- A-thank you.
- And you are
looking sharp in that suit.
- A-thank you.
- And as much as
we'd love to help you,
the answer is no.
- Sweet.
Cash is fine,
but if you need to do a check--
wait, what?
- Whoo!
This baby flies now!
- That's what happens
when you're
packing six ponies
under the hood.
- Okay, don't panic.
You're still
the master of convincing.
You just need to
raise your game a little.
[engine revving]
But first,
back to the dry cleaner.
Mother, if I can have your
attention for just a moment.
Smooch, they've been called
one of the seminal
rock bands of our time.
- No, Lincoln.
- [whistling]
- Hi, Dad.
Thought you might be interested
in this graph, which
shows a direct correlation
between rock concerts attended
and a tween's
sense of well-being.
- No, Lincoln.
[playful upbeat music]
- You may be wondering,
"What's in it for us
if we buy Lincoln
that Smooch ticket?"
Well, I'll tell you.
A coupon for
five Lily diaper changes.
Max two poopies.
[together] No.
- I can't believe
I'm not going to the concert.
Me, the master of convincing!
- What's up, bro?
- [sighs] I had a chance
to meet Smooch tonight,
But I can't convince Mom and Dad
to buy me a ticket.
[sighs]
- How is that possible?
As you have amply demonstrated,
you are
the master of convincing.
- Did you remember to
play to my strengths?
- No, Leni,
you play to your strengths;
he plays to his.
- Okay, just saying.
It worked for me.
My skirts look so happy.
- Wait a minute.
You might be onto something.
Everything I told you guys
to do worked.
Luna, can I borrow your guitar?
- You kidding me, dude?
No way!
- Ah! I can't convince
anyone of anything!
- I'm just
messing with you, bro.
- [soft chuckle]
♪ And that's why I need
♪ A ticket to Smooch
I say Smooch,
you say ticket.
Smooch!
[together] No!
- Smooch!
- Lincoln.
- Wait, not done yet.
What kind of flowers do you
bring to a Smooch concert?
Tulips.
Get it?
- No, Lincoln.
- You know, tulips.
Like, "two lips."
- We get the joke.
But you still can't go.
- Not done!
If I make this shot,
I get to go.
Ooh!
- Son--
- Behold.
A simulation of a future
in which you bought me
a Smooch VIP ticket.
- I don't see anything.
- Please tell me this
isn't the bucket
we clean the bathroom with.
- Moving on.
[rumbles]
Today, we remember Lincoln Loud,
who lived to be 150,
but never got over
the dashed childhood dream
of hanging out with Smooch.
- Lincoln, please, we--
- Not done!
[dainty music]
If you get me that ticket,
I'll be the happiest
wittle boy in the world.
- You're not listening, honey.
We--
- Not done!
But I really want to go--
it's an amazing opportunity--
and I know I saw them before--
but this is different because
the seats would be better--
and I'm also going to
get to go backstage and--
- Lincoln.
- Hold that thought.
[crying]
- Lincoln.
It doesn't matter
how you ask us,
the answer is no.
- We'd love to get you the
ticket, but we're out of money.
We gave it all to your sisters.
- Maybe if you'd asked us
earlier in the day.
[music broods]
[downbeat music]
- Well, that's it.
I have officially missed
the entire VIP concert.
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
"VIB: Very Important Brother."
[upbeat rock music]
Huh?
- Hey, bro!
♪
One, two, three, four!
all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪
♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪
- ♪ He helped me get
this T that's sweaty ♪
- ♪ He helped me get
red-carpet ready ♪
- ♪ He helped us buy
that closet thing ♪
- I told you guys,
I don't want to sing.
- Wow, can you believe this?
My sisters are pretty cool.
Even if I can't see Smooch,
this is definitely
the next best thing.
- Ladies and gentlemen,Smooch!
♪
How did you get Smooch?
- We've learned to be
pretty convincing,
thanks to some advice
from the master!
all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around... ♪
- Wow, the guys are never
going to believe this.
- We wouldn't,
except we're right here!
- ♪ Your sisters told us
that you went so far ♪
♪ To help them out
you're a real rock star ♪
♪ Everyone has had their fun
♪ The song is over so we gotta
♪ Run!
[rock musical flourish]
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-bow!
[Lily giggles]
[playful music]
♪
[bell rings]
- Okay, it's almost noon, kids.
Please clean up your toys.
I have an exciting announcement.
Today you'll be getting
your very first report card.
all: Huh?
[boom]
- Excellent.
The first installment
of my perfect academic career.
Let's see.
An A in Science.
[all giggling]
[electricity crackling]
An A in Writing.
[upbeat jazzy music]
An A in Math.
- One penny...
- That's 4 dollars and 11 cents,
or approximately
416 Japanese yen.
Also, I took the liberty
of preparing your tax returns.
An A in Physical Education.
An A in Vocabulary.
And an F in Social Skills.
Perfect.
Wait--what?
An F?
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
Excuse me, Miss Shrinivas,
there appears to be an error
in my academic evaluation.
If you could just
go ahead and remedy that,
I'll be on my merry way.
- Actually, Lisa,
that's not an error.
You got an F because
you haven't made
a single friend in class yet.
[thwack]
- I prefer to see
my classmates as co-workers,
or occasionally, test subjects.
[playful sting]
Look, how can
I turn this around?
In the future,
when I represent Earth
in the interplanetary council,
it's gonna be acutely
embarrassing to have an F
on my otherwise perfect
academic records.
- Tell you what.
If you make a friend,
I'll raise your grade.
- Done.
[tools whir]
There, I made one.
Behold the FriendBot 1000.
It can bring me things I need.
[chimes]
Thank you, FriendBot.
It can also chill juice boxes
with its ice vision.
[chimes]
[zapping]
[both yelp]
- Uh-uh, Lisa.
No robots.
Humans only.
Preferably a classmate.
- Hmm, a real stickler, huh?
Very well.
I will make a human friend.
However one
goes about doing that.
♪
- [babbles]
- Not now, youngest sibling.
I am trying to find
scientific guidance
on the forging of social bonds,
street name: friendship.
[sighs]
Unfortunately,
nothing in my vast library
addresses this topic.
[doorbell chimes]
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, pal.
[upbeat funky music]
- Hmm, who needs textbooks
when I can do field research?
[video game chiming]
- And left kick, right stomp--
wait, hang on.
Oops--ugh--it goes so fast.
- Don't worry, Clyde.
You're looking good.
[seedy music]
- Observation number one:
friendship seems to require
compliments and flattery,
whether deserved or not.
- [grunts]
- [grunts]
Nice snipe.
But you won't be
so lucky next time.
- Observation number two:
friendship also
appears to require
engaging in casual sport,
and/or play.
Whoa!
[grunts]
- Look at this dress I found
in the hand-me-downs
from Aunt Ruth.
- Wow!
It's so outdated,
it's back to being trendy again.
You're so lucky.
I wish I'd found it.
[whirring]
- Why don't we share it?
- [gasps]
Great idea!
- Observation number three:
friendship requires
the sharing of
goods and commodities.
- One, two, three, four!
[scatting]
[keyboard playing]
- Observation number four:
friendship requires
common interests.
- Man, we are so good!
- Also, common delusions.
Okay.
Compliments, sports and/or play,
sharing and common interests.
I'm ready.
I shall befriend
the first person
to walk through the door.
[groans] Not Petey Wimple.
He eats paste.
Hm, not Charlotte Yang.
She's a biter.
[gasps]
Darcy Helmandollar.
She'll do.
Greetings, Darcy.
I have observed that
your sneakers light up.
Though they appear to
lack purpose,
I would like to compliment
you on their whimsy.
- Thanks, Lisa.
I've always liked
your shoes too.
They remind me of my grandpa's.
- Compliment has been
administered.
Subject appears to be receptive
to pursuing friendship.
Greetings.
Would you car to join me
in casual sport and/or play?
- Sure!
Do you like the seesaw?
- Can't say I've heard of it,
but, uh, what the heck?
[seesaw creaking]
- Whee!
Isn't this fun?
- The subject's dilated pupils
seem to indicate
further cementing of friendship.
- I gotta tinkle.
- Oof!
Care to share
my homemade kelp leather?
Full of nutrients,
but zero taste,
so it goes down smooth.
- [swallows]
Um, okay.
Thanks, Lisa.
It's so... chewy.
[gentle music]
[metal scraping]
♪
- Oh, I see
we have a common interest
in the Giraffa camelopardalis.
- Oh, you mean Rafo.
You have a stuffed giraffe too?
- No, but I have
a giraffe cerebrum
soaking in formaldehyde.
- [laughs]
You use funny words, Lisa.
- Okay, class,
it's sharing time.
Who wants to start?
- Ooh, ohh!
I have something to share.
It's my new friend, Lisa.
- Great sharing, Darcy.
And great social skills, Lisa.
You just turned
that F into an A.
- Now that
my academic record is secure,
and my seat on
the interplanetary council
is solidified,
I can return to
my beloved research.
Have you missed me,
electron microscope?
- Hi, new friend.
- Oh, uh, [stammers] right.
Greetings, Darcy.
- Are we playing
scientist today?
You always make it look so fun.
- [squeals]
This isn't really playing.
It's complex and
potentially dangerous research.
Uh--maybe we can engage in
play and/or sport later.
- Oh, okay.
I'll save you a spot
on the seesaw at recess.
- Slight complication.
I failed to consider
that the subject
might wish to remain friends
after I achieved my objective.
- Lisa!
Lisa!
- [sighs] Although,
she did help me secure that A.
- Hi, giraffe twin.
Rafo wants to play.
Did you bring your giraffe?
- Eh, mine does not travel well.
Now, if you don't mind,
I do need my REM sleep.
I have a lot of
short-term memories
I need to convert to long-term.
Oh, tell you what.
You, Rafo, and I can circle back
to that playdate post slumber.
Sound like a plan?
- "Naps are boring.
"Let's play now.
Maybe we can wake her up
with a tickle fight!"
Lisa!
My dad packed two cookies today.
One for me and
one for my new friend.
- Oh, that is very generous,
but I must decline.
Spikes in blood sugar
affect my mental acuity.
So just kelp leather
for me today.
- That's okay.
We can still sit together.
- Eh--actually,
if you don't mind,
I was hoping to use snack time
to brush up on my Mandarin.
I have a video conference
coming up
with some colleagues
in Singapore.
- Ooh!
I have a book too.
Reading twins!
"That...
"cat...
s-s-sat..."
- And now to add a single drop
of the concentrated acid.
- Hi, friend!
- [exclaims]
- I made you something
in craft time.
- What is this bizarre shackle?
- A friendship bracelet.
I can show you how to make one
for me too.
And then we can
be bracelet twins.
- [sighs]Darcy.
I'm afraid I'm not going to be
able to make one of these.
- I know it looks hard,
but I can help you.
- No-no-no-no.
See, you're a great kid, but
my lifestyle
isn't really conducive
to having friends.
To be perfectly frank,
I sought you out
to improve
my grade in Social Skills.
Now that that objective
has been achieved,
I feel it would be best
for both of us
if we went our separate ways.
I do appreciate
your assistance, though.
And if you ever need a reference
for another friend,
I would be glad to give you
a glowing recommendation.
- [whimpering]
- What's wrong?
Did some of the concentrated
acid get in your eye?
- No!
You hurt my feelings!
[sobs]
- Oh, dear.
Darcy,
please don't be despondent.
- Girls, what's going on here?
- Oh, uh, nothing to worry
about, Miss Shrinivas.
- Darcy, why are you crying?
- Lisa, [sniffs]
said she didn't want to be
my friend anymore.
[crying]
[moody jazz music]
- Darcy, why don't you
go get Rafo
and meet me in my reading chair?
Lisa, why did you
say that to Darcy?
- Look, Ms. S,
I understand that
friendship is
an academic requirement,
but to be honest,
I just don't see
the point of it.
- I'm afraid until you do,
I can't give you
that A in Social Skills.
Now, I'd like you to go
sit in time out
and think about
how you treated Darcy.
♪
- [sighs] Well, there goes
my perfect academic record.
What am I gonna
tell the other beings
on the interplanetary council?
[gasps] Now I might not
even make the council!
I might have to be an alternate.
- Lisa?
I thought you might like this.
- W--why are you
giving this to me?
- You looked sad.
I wanted to
make you feel better.
- But why would you
want to make me feel better?
- Because that's what friends
do for each other.
[bell dings]
- "Because that's what friends
do for each other."
Would you excuse me
just for one moment?
Research epiphany.
I have discovered
the point of having friends.
Not to check off
an academic requirement
or to impress a bunch of aliens,
but because
friends make your life better.
Thank you, Darcy.
Care to join me?
[upbeat rock music]
♪
Hey, you want to
come over after school
and play with
my CAT scan machine?
- We have a kitty too.
Cat twins!
- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way
it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house
the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat rock music]
♪
- Why is your scarf
on my shelf?
- Maybe your shelf
is underneath my scarf.
Did you ever think of that?
- Yo, dudes, who
can spot me some green?
- [squeals]
I want to play.
Um, that sweater.
That plant.
Wait!
Are my eyes green?
- No, I mean I need cash.
There's a Mick Swagger
auction today,
and I really need to
buy this beauty.
Mick wore it every night
of his Mild Horses tour.
It still has his pit stains.
- Well, Leni and I
are literally broke.
Try Mom and Dad.
- Mom and Dad?
What's the point, dude?
They'll just lay that whole
"big family, small budget"
rap on me.
Bogus!
- [screams]
Lori.
I think my eyes are stuck.
- Lincoln, where are you?
I thought we were
getting ready together?
- Yeah, we gotta
put our faces on
if we're gonna
hang with them rock stars.
- Hold on.
Smooch is having a special
VIP concert tonight,
where you get to go backstage
and meet the band.
In the immortal words
of my sister Luna,
it's gonna be rockin'!
I'll be right over.
I just gotta get
the money for my ticket.
- What? You haven't
asked your parents yet?
- Guys, don't worry.
You know I'm the
master of convincing,
especially when
it comes to my parents.
Got my suit dry-cleaned,
my speech written,
my turkey tail slicked.
Yes, sir, I'm ready to go.
- You say good-bye,
and I say hello.
- Luna!
- Sorry, bro.
It's an emergency.
You gotta help me
convince the 'rents
to cough up the dough for this.
- I think that's
the wrong picture.
It looks like a sweaty T-shirt.
- Yeah!
Mick Swagger's sweaty T-shirt.
- I'd love to help you,
but I have my own business
to attend to.
- But, dude,
the auction ends in an hour!
Come on!
This is urge!
- Why do you need my help?
- You said it yourself, bro,
you're the master of convincing.
Please.
I ain't too proud to beg.
- [sighs]
Okay, fine.
- Radical.
So what's the plan?
You gonna write me a speech?
Do I get to wear the blue suit?
- No, no.
The secret to convincing
is to use your strengths.
- ♪ And that's why I need
♪ The pit-stained T
I say pit!
You say stain!
Pit!
[together]
Stain!
- Pit!
Both: Stain!
- Whoo-hoo!
Take the cash.
- ♪ The 'rents gave me money
for this crusty T ♪
♪ Thank you baby bro
for helping me ♪
- No problem.
Now it's my turn.
- Whoa, he helped you
get money from Mom and Dad?
- Yep, he's the
master of convincing.
- Watch the turkey tail.
- Ooh, can you help
me and Lori too?
We need a closet organizer.
- Yeah, I need a tuxedo
for Mr. Coconuts.
- I require certain isotopes
for my research.
- I need the preserved skeleton
of an 1840s gold miner.
- Guys, I can't deal
with this right now.
I have my own thing
to take care of.
- Oh, we get it.
You love Luna the best.
- We'll just watch her
enjoy the thing
you helped her get.
- Oh, sorry to
bother you, Lincoln.
We mistook you for someone who
cares about all of his sisters.
- [sighs]
Okay, fine.
Now, the key to convincing
is to use your strengths.
- Well, folks,
you've been great.
I'd stay longer,
but I have a family reunion
at the lumber yard.
Har-har-har.
[both laughing]
- Oh, Mr. Coconuts.
- I can't--I can't--
- You are too funny.
- Yeah, it's too bad he can't
go to the big comedy gala.
It's black tie,
and he can't afford a tuxedo.
Ah, coconuts!
- What?
He has to go!
[fanfare]
- Gee, Daddy,
if you got me a new engine
for my jeep,
I'd be the happiest
little girl in the world.
- And I'd be her happy little
grease monkey.
- Aw, how can I say no
to my adorable little girls?
[fanfare]
- Behold
a simulation of a future
made possible
by my latest research.
- Honey, this is amazing.
[futuristic electronic music]
- True, but
it can't come to fruition
until I get my hands on
the necessary isotopes.
- Then you shall have
those isotopes.
[fanfare]
- Wait, what is this?
[dramatic music]
- Uh-oh.
There's still a few glitches
in the system,
but I'm dealing with them.
[rousing music]
- Four-zip?
You are destroying me.
- That's what you get
for challenging your old man.
- How about this:
if I can beat you,
you buy me a new basketball hoop
for the garage?
- It never hurts to dream.
[heavy rock music]
♪
- [cheers]
- Honey, can you get my wallet
from my pocket?
I think I sprained--
well, everything.
- Today, we remember Lucy Loud,
who lived to be 105
but never got over
the dashed childhood dream
of owning a real human skeleton.
- We get it.
You can have the money.
[eerie organ music]
♪
- Need a better closet system...
- Need a new closet organizer...
- Because there's an odd...
- Because some stuff is hers...
- Number of shelves and even...
- But some stuff is mine but...
- Okay, okay, take the money.
Just please stop talking.
[dainty music]
[tears bubbling]
- [wails]
[wailing]
both: Please, take the money!
- [giggles]
- Finally.
It's the master's turn.
And those are the three R's
of why you should fund
my ticket to
the VIP Smooch concert tonight.
A-thank you.
- Well, we always enjoy
your little presentations.
- A-thank you.
- And you are
looking sharp in that suit.
- A-thank you.
- And as much as
we'd love to help you,
the answer is no.
- Sweet.
Cash is fine,
but if you need to do a check--
wait, what?
- Whoo!
This baby flies now!
- That's what happens
when you're
packing six ponies
under the hood.
- Okay, don't panic.
You're still
the master of convincing.
You just need to
raise your game a little.
[engine revving]
But first,
back to the dry cleaner.
Mother, if I can have your
attention for just a moment.
Smooch, they've been called
one of the seminal
rock bands of our time.
- No, Lincoln.
- [whistling]
- Hi, Dad.
Thought you might be interested
in this graph, which
shows a direct correlation
between rock concerts attended
and a tween's
sense of well-being.
- No, Lincoln.
[playful upbeat music]
- You may be wondering,
"What's in it for us
if we buy Lincoln
that Smooch ticket?"
Well, I'll tell you.
A coupon for
five Lily diaper changes.
Max two poopies.
[together] No.
- I can't believe
I'm not going to the concert.
Me, the master of convincing!
- What's up, bro?
- [sighs] I had a chance
to meet Smooch tonight,
But I can't convince Mom and Dad
to buy me a ticket.
[sighs]
- How is that possible?
As you have amply demonstrated,
you are
the master of convincing.
- Did you remember to
play to my strengths?
- No, Leni,
you play to your strengths;
he plays to his.
- Okay, just saying.
It worked for me.
My skirts look so happy.
- Wait a minute.
You might be onto something.
Everything I told you guys
to do worked.
Luna, can I borrow your guitar?
- You kidding me, dude?
No way!
- Ah! I can't convince
anyone of anything!
- I'm just
messing with you, bro.
- [soft chuckle]
♪ And that's why I need
♪ A ticket to Smooch
I say Smooch,
you say ticket.
Smooch!
[together] No!
- Smooch!
- Lincoln.
- Wait, not done yet.
What kind of flowers do you
bring to a Smooch concert?
Tulips.
Get it?
- No, Lincoln.
- You know, tulips.
Like, "two lips."
- We get the joke.
But you still can't go.
- Not done!
If I make this shot,
I get to go.
Ooh!
- Son--
- Behold.
A simulation of a future
in which you bought me
a Smooch VIP ticket.
- I don't see anything.
- Please tell me this
isn't the bucket
we clean the bathroom with.
- Moving on.
[rumbles]
Today, we remember Lincoln Loud,
who lived to be 150,
but never got over
the dashed childhood dream
of hanging out with Smooch.
- Lincoln, please, we--
- Not done!
[dainty music]
If you get me that ticket,
I'll be the happiest
wittle boy in the world.
- You're not listening, honey.
We--
- Not done!
But I really want to go--
it's an amazing opportunity--
and I know I saw them before--
but this is different because
the seats would be better--
and I'm also going to
get to go backstage and--
- Lincoln.
- Hold that thought.
[crying]
- Lincoln.
It doesn't matter
how you ask us,
the answer is no.
- We'd love to get you the
ticket, but we're out of money.
We gave it all to your sisters.
- Maybe if you'd asked us
earlier in the day.
[music broods]
[downbeat music]
- Well, that's it.
I have officially missed
the entire VIP concert.
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
"VIB: Very Important Brother."
[upbeat rock music]
Huh?
- Hey, bro!
♪
One, two, three, four!
all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪
♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪
- ♪ He helped me get
this T that's sweaty ♪
- ♪ He helped me get
red-carpet ready ♪
- ♪ He helped us buy
that closet thing ♪
- I told you guys,
I don't want to sing.
- Wow, can you believe this?
My sisters are pretty cool.
Even if I can't see Smooch,
this is definitely
the next best thing.
- Ladies and gentlemen,Smooch!
♪
How did you get Smooch?
- We've learned to be
pretty convincing,
thanks to some advice
from the master!
all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪
♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around... ♪
- Wow, the guys are never
going to believe this.
- We wouldn't,
except we're right here!
- ♪ Your sisters told us
that you went so far ♪
♪ To help them out
you're a real rock star ♪
♪ Everyone has had their fun
♪ The song is over so we gotta
♪ Run!
[rock musical flourish]
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-bow!
[Lily giggles]
[playful music]
♪
[bell rings]
- Okay, it's almost noon, kids.
Please clean up your toys.
I have an exciting announcement.
Today you'll be getting
your very first report card.
all: Huh?
[boom]
- Excellent.
The first installment
of my perfect academic career.
Let's see.
An A in Science.
[all giggling]
[electricity crackling]
An A in Writing.
[upbeat jazzy music]
An A in Math.
- One penny...
- That's 4 dollars and 11 cents,
or approximately
416 Japanese yen.
Also, I took the liberty
of preparing your tax returns.
An A in Physical Education.
An A in Vocabulary.
And an F in Social Skills.
Perfect.
Wait--what?
An F?
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
Excuse me, Miss Shrinivas,
there appears to be an error
in my academic evaluation.
If you could just
go ahead and remedy that,
I'll be on my merry way.
- Actually, Lisa,
that's not an error.
You got an F because
you haven't made
a single friend in class yet.
[thwack]
- I prefer to see
my classmates as co-workers,
or occasionally, test subjects.
[playful sting]
Look, how can
I turn this around?
In the future,
when I represent Earth
in the interplanetary council,
it's gonna be acutely
embarrassing to have an F
on my otherwise perfect
academic records.
- Tell you what.
If you make a friend,
I'll raise your grade.
- Done.
[tools whir]
There, I made one.
Behold the FriendBot 1000.
It can bring me things I need.
[chimes]
Thank you, FriendBot.
It can also chill juice boxes
with its ice vision.
[chimes]
[zapping]
[both yelp]
- Uh-uh, Lisa.
No robots.
Humans only.
Preferably a classmate.
- Hmm, a real stickler, huh?
Very well.
I will make a human friend.
However one
goes about doing that.
♪
- [babbles]
- Not now, youngest sibling.
I am trying to find
scientific guidance
on the forging of social bonds,
street name: friendship.
[sighs]
Unfortunately,
nothing in my vast library
addresses this topic.
[doorbell chimes]
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, pal.
[upbeat funky music]
- Hmm, who needs textbooks
when I can do field research?
[video game chiming]
- And left kick, right stomp--
wait, hang on.
Oops--ugh--it goes so fast.
- Don't worry, Clyde.
You're looking good.
[seedy music]
- Observation number one:
friendship seems to require
compliments and flattery,
whether deserved or not.
- [grunts]
- [grunts]
Nice snipe.
But you won't be
so lucky next time.
- Observation number two:
friendship also
appears to require
engaging in casual sport,
and/or play.
Whoa!
[grunts]
- Look at this dress I found
in the hand-me-downs
from Aunt Ruth.
- Wow!
It's so outdated,
it's back to being trendy again.
You're so lucky.
I wish I'd found it.
[whirring]
- Why don't we share it?
- [gasps]
Great idea!
- Observation number three:
friendship requires
the sharing of
goods and commodities.
- One, two, three, four!
[scatting]
[keyboard playing]
- Observation number four:
friendship requires
common interests.
- Man, we are so good!
- Also, common delusions.
Okay.
Compliments, sports and/or play,
sharing and common interests.
I'm ready.
I shall befriend
the first person
to walk through the door.
[groans] Not Petey Wimple.
He eats paste.
Hm, not Charlotte Yang.
She's a biter.
[gasps]
Darcy Helmandollar.
She'll do.
Greetings, Darcy.
I have observed that
your sneakers light up.
Though they appear to
lack purpose,
I would like to compliment
you on their whimsy.
- Thanks, Lisa.
I've always liked
your shoes too.
They remind me of my grandpa's.
- Compliment has been
administered.
Subject appears to be receptive
to pursuing friendship.
Greetings.
Would you car to join me
in casual sport and/or play?
- Sure!
Do you like the seesaw?
- Can't say I've heard of it,
but, uh, what the heck?
[seesaw creaking]
- Whee!
Isn't this fun?
- The subject's dilated pupils
seem to indicate
further cementing of friendship.
- I gotta tinkle.
- Oof!
Care to share
my homemade kelp leather?
Full of nutrients,
but zero taste,
so it goes down smooth.
- [swallows]
Um, okay.
Thanks, Lisa.
It's so... chewy.
[gentle music]
[metal scraping]
♪
- Oh, I see
we have a common interest
in the Giraffa camelopardalis.
- Oh, you mean Rafo.
You have a stuffed giraffe too?
- No, but I have
a giraffe cerebrum
soaking in formaldehyde.
- [laughs]
You use funny words, Lisa.
- Okay, class,
it's sharing time.
Who wants to start?
- Ooh, ohh!
I have something to share.
It's my new friend, Lisa.
- Great sharing, Darcy.
And great social skills, Lisa.
You just turned
that F into an A.
- Now that
my academic record is secure,
and my seat on
the interplanetary council
is solidified,
I can return to
my beloved research.
Have you missed me,
electron microscope?
- Hi, new friend.
- Oh, uh, [stammers] right.
Greetings, Darcy.
- Are we playing
scientist today?
You always make it look so fun.
- [squeals]
This isn't really playing.
It's complex and
potentially dangerous research.
Uh--maybe we can engage in
play and/or sport later.
- Oh, okay.
I'll save you a spot
on the seesaw at recess.
- Slight complication.
I failed to consider
that the subject
might wish to remain friends
after I achieved my objective.
- Lisa!
Lisa!
- [sighs] Although,
she did help me secure that A.
- Hi, giraffe twin.
Rafo wants to play.
Did you bring your giraffe?
- Eh, mine does not travel well.
Now, if you don't mind,
I do need my REM sleep.
I have a lot of
short-term memories
I need to convert to long-term.
Oh, tell you what.
You, Rafo, and I can circle back
to that playdate post slumber.
Sound like a plan?
- "Naps are boring.
"Let's play now.
Maybe we can wake her up
with a tickle fight!"
Lisa!
My dad packed two cookies today.
One for me and
one for my new friend.
- Oh, that is very generous,
but I must decline.
Spikes in blood sugar
affect my mental acuity.
So just kelp leather
for me today.
- That's okay.
We can still sit together.
- Eh--actually,
if you don't mind,
I was hoping to use snack time
to brush up on my Mandarin.
I have a video conference
coming up
with some colleagues
in Singapore.
- Ooh!
I have a book too.
Reading twins!
"That...
"cat...
s-s-sat..."
- And now to add a single drop
of the concentrated acid.
- Hi, friend!
- [exclaims]
- I made you something
in craft time.
- What is this bizarre shackle?
- A friendship bracelet.
I can show you how to make one
for me too.
And then we can
be bracelet twins.
- [sighs]Darcy.
I'm afraid I'm not going to be
able to make one of these.
- I know it looks hard,
but I can help you.
- No-no-no-no.
See, you're a great kid, but
my lifestyle
isn't really conducive
to having friends.
To be perfectly frank,
I sought you out
to improve
my grade in Social Skills.
Now that that objective
has been achieved,
I feel it would be best
for both of us
if we went our separate ways.
I do appreciate
your assistance, though.
And if you ever need a reference
for another friend,
I would be glad to give you
a glowing recommendation.
- [whimpering]
- What's wrong?
Did some of the concentrated
acid get in your eye?
- No!
You hurt my feelings!
[sobs]
- Oh, dear.
Darcy,
please don't be despondent.
- Girls, what's going on here?
- Oh, uh, nothing to worry
about, Miss Shrinivas.
- Darcy, why are you crying?
- Lisa, [sniffs]
said she didn't want to be
my friend anymore.
[crying]
[moody jazz music]
- Darcy, why don't you
go get Rafo
and meet me in my reading chair?
Lisa, why did you
say that to Darcy?
- Look, Ms. S,
I understand that
friendship is
an academic requirement,
but to be honest,
I just don't see
the point of it.
- I'm afraid until you do,
I can't give you
that A in Social Skills.
Now, I'd like you to go
sit in time out
and think about
how you treated Darcy.
♪
- [sighs] Well, there goes
my perfect academic record.
What am I gonna
tell the other beings
on the interplanetary council?
[gasps] Now I might not
even make the council!
I might have to be an alternate.
- Lisa?
I thought you might like this.
- W--why are you
giving this to me?
- You looked sad.
I wanted to
make you feel better.
- But why would you
want to make me feel better?
- Because that's what friends
do for each other.
[bell dings]
- "Because that's what friends
do for each other."
Would you excuse me
just for one moment?
Research epiphany.
I have discovered
the point of having friends.
Not to check off
an academic requirement
or to impress a bunch of aliens,
but because
friends make your life better.
Thank you, Darcy.
Care to join me?
[upbeat rock music]
♪
Hey, you want to
come over after school
and play with
my CAT scan machine?
- We have a kitty too.
Cat twins!
- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way
it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house