The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 20 - The Loud House - full transcript
- ♪
- [school bell ringing]
- [door opens]
- Oh, here they come.
These ladies are
definitely gonna ask us.
- Man, we're never
gonna get dates.
- Aw, I can't believe
we're going stag
to our first
Sadie Hawkins Dance.
- LINCOLN: Don't give
up hope, guys--
and come someone
pass the ketchup?
- Why are you guys
under the table?
- I'm hiding
from Ronnie Anne
so she can't ask
me to the dance.
- And I'm here
for moral support.
- Lincoln, I thought
you liked Ronnie Anne.
- I do, but there's a two-for-
one deal at the arcade tonight,
and there's no
way I'm missing it.
- [door opens]
- Yikes! Here she comes.
Remember,
I'm not down here.
- Hey, guys.
Have you seen Lincoln?
- Lincoln, uh...
- Uh...
- Nope.
- Never done heard of him.
- He's definitely
not under the table.
- [padding footsteps]
- [door thwacks]
- LINCOLN: Oh!
[whistling]
[gasps]
- So, did Ronnie Anne ask you
to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, um...
Uh...uh...
- I bet she was so excited.
The Sadie Hawkins
is literally
the most important dance
in a girl's life.
- Well, actually,
Ronnie Anne didn't even ask me.
- SISTERS: What?!
- Yeah, I waited
around all day.
But it just never happened.
- Poor big brother.
You must be devastated.
- Oh, you know, I'll get
through it--somehow.
What? I...I would have
told them the truth.
But, believe me,
they wouldn't have understood.
Sometimes a little
white lie
works out better
for everyone.
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom, I'm going to
the arcade with Clyde.
I'll see ya later.
- Hey, Lincoln,
you got a sec?
- Hey, I need to
talk to him, first.
- Dudes, urgent!
Mine is more important.
Guess what, bro?
I hit ya up with
a date for the dance.
- What?
- Hey, so did I.
- So did I.
- Me, too.
- W-W-Why?
- You were so bummed out when
Ronnie Anne didn't ask you.
I just wanted to
make you feel better.
- Me, too.
- So did I.
- Me, too.
- You guys...
I wasn't bummed out.
I didn't want her to ask me
because I wanted to
go to the arcade tonight.
- Then why didn't
you say so, ya yutz?
- 'Cause you made
me feel so guilty--
all that stuff about
"the most important dance
in a girl's life."
- Well, you're going to
the dance now, dude,
'cause my friend'll be wicked
bummed if you flake on her.
- Mine, too.
- Ditto.
- Yeah, 'cause no one
likes a flake.
[laughing]
But, seriously,
you're going.
- But, you guys, how am I
supposed to juggle four dates?
- That's not our
problem, dude.
- You dug your own
grave, Lincoln.
- Now you gotta lie in it.
- Lucky.
- [heavy sigh]
- [dance music playing]
- And here's your
raffle ticket.
- Oh, there's a raffle?
- Yep.
The winner gets to
have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge.
- Good news, Lincoln--
I've checked the entire gym
and Ronnie Anne
is nowhere to be found.
- Oh, that's a relief.
I can't let Ronnie
Anne see me here
after I've avoided
her all day.
It'll really hurt
her feelings.
Besides, I have enough on
my hands juggling four dates.
- Don't worry, I've
got everything we need
to make the night
go smoothly--
binoculars, stopwatch,
dossiers on each of
the lovely ladies,
and, lastly, a hidden
microphone and receiver.
I'll be your eyes
in the sky.
Now, let's move out!
- Hey, guys,
did you get dates?
- Nah, we're just
here for the raffle.
I've always wanted to
see the teachers' lounge.
- CLYDE [through earpiece]:
Lincoln, I'm in position.
I forgot I'm afraid of heights,
but I'll be okay.
- LINCOLN: [through headphones]
You're a true pal, Clyde.
- Don't mention it.
Now, at your 11:00 o'clock,
you'll see a girl
with purple streaks
in her hair.
That's Luna's friend, Tabby.
She loves sweatin'
to the oldies,
turning it up to 11,
and her ideal date is sound-
proofing a wall with egg crates.
- Hi, Tabby, I'm Lincoln.
- Good to meet ya!
Wanna jam?
- Oh, uh, okay.
- Rockin' that piano.
You got some chops.
- CLYDE: Sky Guy to the
Ladies' Man, your time is up.
Move on to girl #2.
- Ooh, sorry, Tabby, my piano
elbow's acting up.
Gonna grab an ice pack.
- CLYDE: Okay,
at your 6:00 o'clock,
is Luan's friend from clown
school, Giggles.
A Virgo with
an infectious laugh,
Giggles' ideal date
is trying to figure out
how many people she can
cram into one car.
- Hey, Giggles, I'm Lincoln.
- Pleased to meet ya.
- [buzzer zapping]
- I heard a lotta
buzz about you.
[laughing]
- Good one.
You got something
on your shirt.
Boop!
- [laughing]
Touché!
- CLYDE: Wrap it up,
Ladies' Man.
Girl #3 is waiting.
Lucy's friend Haiku
is an up-and-coming poet.
Her dislikes include
kittens, sunlight,
and people who
smile too much.
- Hi, I'm Lincoln.
- Hi, Lincoln.
Wanna hear my poem?
"Empty. Lonely. Dark.
"The universe is weeping.
I have no tissues."
Okay, your turn.
- Uh, "Jack and Jill
went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water."
- Oh, yes, the futility
of teamwork.
Deep stuff.
- CLYDE: Time's up,
Ladies' Man.
Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby
teammate, Polly Pain.
I think she's over by the--
- [heavy thud]
- I found her, Clyde.
- Nailed ya, bro.
In roller derby,
that's a move I like to
call "The Booty Block."
And this is the "Helicopter"!
- Whoa! Oh! Oh!
- [heavy thud]
- Wow!
You didn't even barf.
I'm impressed.
- Thanks.
- CLYDE: That's time,
Ladies' Man.
Get ready for round two.
- [dance music playing]
- So...high...up.
- [dance music continues]
♪
- [wheezy breathing]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh!
- [loud crash]
- [barfing]
- How ya feeling, Sky Guy?
- Better.
I think I'm ready
to go back up.
- No way, Clyde.
You've done enough.
Thanks to your help, I've got
everything under control.
- [dance music continues]
- Ah! Ronnie Anne!
Clyde, what am I gonna do?
Ronnie Anne is here.
- Well, you can't
stay under here.
You're already 30 seconds late
for air harmonica with Tabby.
- I've got an idea.
Pssst! Guys!
- [head bonks]
Hey, what the heck, Lincoln?
- LINCOLN:
Get over here.
- You two sure like to hide
under tables, don't you?
- How would you guys like
someone to dance with?
- Sorry, Lincoln,
you're not my type.
- Not with me--with girls!
- ALL: Girls?!
- [gasping]
- On second thought, I think
I'd rather dance with you.
- Come on, guys, it's not
that big of a deal.
Pop a breath mint,
look 'em in the eye,
make sure your fly's up,
and you're golden.
- ALL:
[zipping flies]
- Clyde, I need
you to go, too.
- [zips fly]
- Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- [dance music continues]
- ALL:
[taking deep breath]
- LINCOLN:
Problem solved.
I'll just hide under here
until the dance is over.
- RUSTY: Whoa!
- [heavy crash]
- Dang it.
- Gee, that Polly
is quite a handful.
And I like it!
- [dance music continues]
- [butt thwacks]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh!
[sighs]
- [dance music continues]
- [gasps]
- [balls thudding]
- Whoa! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- [laughing]
Bravo!
Ever thought
about clowning?
- ♪
- [feet padding]
- Lincoln?
- [gasps]
- ♪
- [electronic voice]
All right, party people,
I wanna see you
on the dance floor.
- [dance music]
- Hot diggity dang!
Turn it on up to 11.
- I love turning it up to 11!
- [dance music continues]
- Haiku, I have
to be honest.
My heart belongs
to an older woman.
- That's okay, my heart
belongs to an older man.
He just turned 200.
- Unrequited love,
am I right?
- [scratching record]
- Hey, kid,
what are ya doing?
- [screams]
- Attention, everyone.
The lucky student who gets
to have lunch with me
in the teachers'
lounge is...
Lincoln Loud!
- STUDENTS: [applauding]
- Uh, Lincoln?
Oh, where are you?
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- Lincoln?
Where have you been, mate?
You left me standing
out there.
- You? He's here with me.
- Wrong.
He's here with me.
- Actually,
he's here with me.
- You guys, I'm sorry.
I can explain.
- Wait, let me go first.
I'm sorry to say
this, Lincoln,
but would you mind if I hung
out with somebody else
for the rest of the night?
I really hit it off
with that guy, Liam.
- Yeah, and I'm having
a really great time with Beck.
- Yes, and I enjoy Clyde.
We share the same pain.
- Same with me and Rusty--
though the pain
is mostly his.
- Sure, no problem.
I'm glad you're
all having fun.
How about that?
I guess tonight worked
out for everyone.
- Hey, Lincoln.
- [screams]
Well, except for me.
Guess it's time
to come clean.
Ronnie Anne,
I'm really sorry.
I know I hurt
your feelings.
I should have just let
you ask me to the dance.
- What are you talking about?
- Isn't that why you were
looking for me today?
- [laughing]
To ask you to a lame dance?
No. I wanted to invite
you to the arcade.
There's a two-for-one
deal tonight.
Since I couldn't find
you, I just came here.
- [smacks forehead]
- Wait. So, you knew
I was looking for you?
- Yeah, I was kinda
ducking you. Sorry.
- Not cool, Lincoln,
but, to be honest,
if I thought you were gonna
ask me to the dance tonight,
I would have
ducked you, too.
- So, we're cool?
- We're cool.
- We're gonna close out
Sadie Hawkins with a slow song,
and if you liked what
you heard tonight,
I'll be spinnin' at
the Finestein bar mitzvah
this Saturday--peace!
- [slow dance music]
♪
- [rollers clanking]
- ♪
- RUSTY: Whoa!
- [loud crash]
- Should we do this?
- I'm game if you are.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Dance Battle starts!
- LINCOLN:
Oh, watch this.
- RONNIE ANNE:
Oh, I'm much better.
- [school bell ringing]
- [door opens]
- Oh, here they come.
These ladies are
definitely gonna ask us.
- Man, we're never
gonna get dates.
- Aw, I can't believe
we're going stag
to our first
Sadie Hawkins Dance.
- LINCOLN: Don't give
up hope, guys--
and come someone
pass the ketchup?
- Why are you guys
under the table?
- I'm hiding
from Ronnie Anne
so she can't ask
me to the dance.
- And I'm here
for moral support.
- Lincoln, I thought
you liked Ronnie Anne.
- I do, but there's a two-for-
one deal at the arcade tonight,
and there's no
way I'm missing it.
- [door opens]
- Yikes! Here she comes.
Remember,
I'm not down here.
- Hey, guys.
Have you seen Lincoln?
- Lincoln, uh...
- Uh...
- Nope.
- Never done heard of him.
- He's definitely
not under the table.
- [padding footsteps]
- [door thwacks]
- LINCOLN: Oh!
[whistling]
[gasps]
- So, did Ronnie Anne ask you
to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, um...
Uh...uh...
- I bet she was so excited.
The Sadie Hawkins
is literally
the most important dance
in a girl's life.
- Well, actually,
Ronnie Anne didn't even ask me.
- SISTERS: What?!
- Yeah, I waited
around all day.
But it just never happened.
- Poor big brother.
You must be devastated.
- Oh, you know, I'll get
through it--somehow.
What? I...I would have
told them the truth.
But, believe me,
they wouldn't have understood.
Sometimes a little
white lie
works out better
for everyone.
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom, I'm going to
the arcade with Clyde.
I'll see ya later.
- Hey, Lincoln,
you got a sec?
- Hey, I need to
talk to him, first.
- Dudes, urgent!
Mine is more important.
Guess what, bro?
I hit ya up with
a date for the dance.
- What?
- Hey, so did I.
- So did I.
- Me, too.
- W-W-Why?
- You were so bummed out when
Ronnie Anne didn't ask you.
I just wanted to
make you feel better.
- Me, too.
- So did I.
- Me, too.
- You guys...
I wasn't bummed out.
I didn't want her to ask me
because I wanted to
go to the arcade tonight.
- Then why didn't
you say so, ya yutz?
- 'Cause you made
me feel so guilty--
all that stuff about
"the most important dance
in a girl's life."
- Well, you're going to
the dance now, dude,
'cause my friend'll be wicked
bummed if you flake on her.
- Mine, too.
- Ditto.
- Yeah, 'cause no one
likes a flake.
[laughing]
But, seriously,
you're going.
- But, you guys, how am I
supposed to juggle four dates?
- That's not our
problem, dude.
- You dug your own
grave, Lincoln.
- Now you gotta lie in it.
- Lucky.
- [heavy sigh]
- [dance music playing]
- And here's your
raffle ticket.
- Oh, there's a raffle?
- Yep.
The winner gets to
have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge.
- Good news, Lincoln--
I've checked the entire gym
and Ronnie Anne
is nowhere to be found.
- Oh, that's a relief.
I can't let Ronnie
Anne see me here
after I've avoided
her all day.
It'll really hurt
her feelings.
Besides, I have enough on
my hands juggling four dates.
- Don't worry, I've
got everything we need
to make the night
go smoothly--
binoculars, stopwatch,
dossiers on each of
the lovely ladies,
and, lastly, a hidden
microphone and receiver.
I'll be your eyes
in the sky.
Now, let's move out!
- Hey, guys,
did you get dates?
- Nah, we're just
here for the raffle.
I've always wanted to
see the teachers' lounge.
- CLYDE [through earpiece]:
Lincoln, I'm in position.
I forgot I'm afraid of heights,
but I'll be okay.
- LINCOLN: [through headphones]
You're a true pal, Clyde.
- Don't mention it.
Now, at your 11:00 o'clock,
you'll see a girl
with purple streaks
in her hair.
That's Luna's friend, Tabby.
She loves sweatin'
to the oldies,
turning it up to 11,
and her ideal date is sound-
proofing a wall with egg crates.
- Hi, Tabby, I'm Lincoln.
- Good to meet ya!
Wanna jam?
- Oh, uh, okay.
- Rockin' that piano.
You got some chops.
- CLYDE: Sky Guy to the
Ladies' Man, your time is up.
Move on to girl #2.
- Ooh, sorry, Tabby, my piano
elbow's acting up.
Gonna grab an ice pack.
- CLYDE: Okay,
at your 6:00 o'clock,
is Luan's friend from clown
school, Giggles.
A Virgo with
an infectious laugh,
Giggles' ideal date
is trying to figure out
how many people she can
cram into one car.
- Hey, Giggles, I'm Lincoln.
- Pleased to meet ya.
- [buzzer zapping]
- I heard a lotta
buzz about you.
[laughing]
- Good one.
You got something
on your shirt.
Boop!
- [laughing]
Touché!
- CLYDE: Wrap it up,
Ladies' Man.
Girl #3 is waiting.
Lucy's friend Haiku
is an up-and-coming poet.
Her dislikes include
kittens, sunlight,
and people who
smile too much.
- Hi, I'm Lincoln.
- Hi, Lincoln.
Wanna hear my poem?
"Empty. Lonely. Dark.
"The universe is weeping.
I have no tissues."
Okay, your turn.
- Uh, "Jack and Jill
went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water."
- Oh, yes, the futility
of teamwork.
Deep stuff.
- CLYDE: Time's up,
Ladies' Man.
Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby
teammate, Polly Pain.
I think she's over by the--
- [heavy thud]
- I found her, Clyde.
- Nailed ya, bro.
In roller derby,
that's a move I like to
call "The Booty Block."
And this is the "Helicopter"!
- Whoa! Oh! Oh!
- [heavy thud]
- Wow!
You didn't even barf.
I'm impressed.
- Thanks.
- CLYDE: That's time,
Ladies' Man.
Get ready for round two.
- [dance music playing]
- So...high...up.
- [dance music continues]
♪
- [wheezy breathing]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh!
- [loud crash]
- [barfing]
- How ya feeling, Sky Guy?
- Better.
I think I'm ready
to go back up.
- No way, Clyde.
You've done enough.
Thanks to your help, I've got
everything under control.
- [dance music continues]
- Ah! Ronnie Anne!
Clyde, what am I gonna do?
Ronnie Anne is here.
- Well, you can't
stay under here.
You're already 30 seconds late
for air harmonica with Tabby.
- I've got an idea.
Pssst! Guys!
- [head bonks]
Hey, what the heck, Lincoln?
- LINCOLN:
Get over here.
- You two sure like to hide
under tables, don't you?
- How would you guys like
someone to dance with?
- Sorry, Lincoln,
you're not my type.
- Not with me--with girls!
- ALL: Girls?!
- [gasping]
- On second thought, I think
I'd rather dance with you.
- Come on, guys, it's not
that big of a deal.
Pop a breath mint,
look 'em in the eye,
make sure your fly's up,
and you're golden.
- ALL:
[zipping flies]
- Clyde, I need
you to go, too.
- [zips fly]
- Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- [dance music continues]
- ALL:
[taking deep breath]
- LINCOLN:
Problem solved.
I'll just hide under here
until the dance is over.
- RUSTY: Whoa!
- [heavy crash]
- Dang it.
- Gee, that Polly
is quite a handful.
And I like it!
- [dance music continues]
- [butt thwacks]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh!
[sighs]
- [dance music continues]
- [gasps]
- [balls thudding]
- Whoa! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- [laughing]
Bravo!
Ever thought
about clowning?
- ♪
- [feet padding]
- Lincoln?
- [gasps]
- ♪
- [electronic voice]
All right, party people,
I wanna see you
on the dance floor.
- [dance music]
- Hot diggity dang!
Turn it on up to 11.
- I love turning it up to 11!
- [dance music continues]
- Haiku, I have
to be honest.
My heart belongs
to an older woman.
- That's okay, my heart
belongs to an older man.
He just turned 200.
- Unrequited love,
am I right?
- [scratching record]
- Hey, kid,
what are ya doing?
- [screams]
- Attention, everyone.
The lucky student who gets
to have lunch with me
in the teachers'
lounge is...
Lincoln Loud!
- STUDENTS: [applauding]
- Uh, Lincoln?
Oh, where are you?
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- Lincoln?
Where have you been, mate?
You left me standing
out there.
- You? He's here with me.
- Wrong.
He's here with me.
- Actually,
he's here with me.
- You guys, I'm sorry.
I can explain.
- Wait, let me go first.
I'm sorry to say
this, Lincoln,
but would you mind if I hung
out with somebody else
for the rest of the night?
I really hit it off
with that guy, Liam.
- Yeah, and I'm having
a really great time with Beck.
- Yes, and I enjoy Clyde.
We share the same pain.
- Same with me and Rusty--
though the pain
is mostly his.
- Sure, no problem.
I'm glad you're
all having fun.
How about that?
I guess tonight worked
out for everyone.
- Hey, Lincoln.
- [screams]
Well, except for me.
Guess it's time
to come clean.
Ronnie Anne,
I'm really sorry.
I know I hurt
your feelings.
I should have just let
you ask me to the dance.
- What are you talking about?
- Isn't that why you were
looking for me today?
- [laughing]
To ask you to a lame dance?
No. I wanted to invite
you to the arcade.
There's a two-for-one
deal tonight.
Since I couldn't find
you, I just came here.
- [smacks forehead]
- Wait. So, you knew
I was looking for you?
- Yeah, I was kinda
ducking you. Sorry.
- Not cool, Lincoln,
but, to be honest,
if I thought you were gonna
ask me to the dance tonight,
I would have
ducked you, too.
- So, we're cool?
- We're cool.
- We're gonna close out
Sadie Hawkins with a slow song,
and if you liked what
you heard tonight,
I'll be spinnin' at
the Finestein bar mitzvah
this Saturday--peace!
- [slow dance music]
♪
- [rollers clanking]
- ♪
- RUSTY: Whoa!
- [loud crash]
- Should we do this?
- I'm game if you are.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Dance Battle starts!
- LINCOLN:
Oh, watch this.
- RONNIE ANNE:
Oh, I'm much better.