The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Loudest Yard/Raw Deal - full transcript
Lincoln Wants Lynn to take his place on his school football team so he doesn't have to play in it./Lincoln Becomes a Hypochondriac after Lucy reads him a fortune, saying that his day will end in disaster.
- ♪
- LORI: Bobby,
Boo-Boo Bear!
- Hey, babe,
ready for an epic date?
- [gasps]
"A-truck-alypse Now."
This does not sound
like a romantic comedy.
- It's better--
an arena show where mutant
trucks crush each other!
- Yeah, I'm literally
not going to that.
Why don't you take Lincoln?
- LINCOLN & BOBBY: What?
What'll we even talk about?
- Come on, guys,
you'll have fun together.
I know it.
- LINCOLN & BOBBY:
Wahoo!
- That was an awesome
celebration
of senseless destruction.
- Right?
Bro handshake.
- I told you you guys
would hit it off.
- How do we end this?
- I have no idea.
- Boo-Boo Bear,
would you get my back, please?
- I can't right now, babe,
Lincoln just got here.
- LINCOLN:
Hey, Bobby!
- Lincoln?
- Yeah.
We had so much
fun yesterday
that I invited him
to hang with us.
Wooooo!
'Sup, bro?
- Hey, bro.
- Last one in the water
is a loser!
- Hey, guys,
sorry I'm late.
- Lincoln?
- No worries, bro.
We wouldn't start
without ya.
I challenge you to a duel,
Monsieur Lincoln.
- Oh, it is on,
Señor Roberto.
- [bread thwacking]
- [cell phone music]
- Boo-Boo Bear!
I haven't heard
from you all day.
You're where?
With Lincoln?
Stay right there.
I'm coming over.
[screams]
- [cell phone crashes]
- It was bad enough when they
treated me like a third wheel.
But now they're
hanging out without me?
I don't think so.
- [door slams]
- Oh, Edwin, I'm so glad
you're not like mortal men.
- LORI: Bobby,
this has got to--
- Hey, babe.
Look, I won you these.
Thanks for being so cool about
me hanging with Lincoln.
You know, all my life,
I've always wished
I had a brother,
and now I feel
like I've got one.
It's like Lincoln
completes me.
Sorry, what were
you gonna say?
- Uh...nothing.
I mean...
Go finish your game,
Boo-Boo Bear.
- Thanks, babe.
We're still on for the county
fair tomorrow, right?
- You bet. We're totes riding
the Tunnel of Love together.
- Sweet! Lincoln and I
will meet you there at 5:00.
- What do I do? I'm sick of
Lincoln crashing our dates.
But it makes Bobby so happy.
He says Lincoln's like
the brother he never had.
- I know. Why don't
you hang out with
Bobby's little sister
Ronnie Anne.
She could be like
the sister you never had.
- You know, this happens
in my book.
Griselda thinks
she's losing Edwin,
so she makes him jealous,
and he totally
comes crawling back.
Well, flying, actually.
- Ooh, that's perfect.
But how do I make
Bobby jealous?
- [doorbell ringing]
- Hi, Lucy,
is Lincoln around?
- Clyde, am I glad
to see you.
- L-L-Lori?
[groans, thuds]
- Clyde, how would you like--
- L-L-L-Lori?
[groans, thuds]
- Clyde?
- L-L-L...Lucy?
- I come with
a message from--
the sister-who-
cannot-be-named.
Said sister would like
you to join her
at the county fair tomorrow.
- I would love to accompany
the lovely L-L...
unnamed sister
to the county fair.
- Yay!
- CLYDE: [groans]
- How are you going
to make Bobby jealous
with someone who's lifeless
and covered in blood?
Oh, wait, that's
exactly what Griselda did.
- [carnival music]
- Hey, it's my fair maiden.
[laughing]
Get it? Ready to have fun?
- Totes.
But, since three
is an odd number,
I invited someone
to join us--Clyde.
- That's cool.
I love the Clydesdale.
Hey, I'm gonna grab us
all some mini-donuts.
- Great, donuts for bros,
or as I like to call them--
bronuts.
- BOBBY: [giggling]
Bronuts.
- What are you up to?
- Whatever do you
mean, Lincoln?
- I mean this--
he's not even conscious.
Oh, wait a minute.
I get it.
You're trying to
make Bobby jealous
by dragging
poor Clyde around.
- No, I'm not.
- Well, it won't work.
- Yes, it will! I mean--
[groans]
I wouldn't have to do
anything if you'd stop
hogging my boyfriend
and give him back to me.
- He's not just
your boyfriend.
He's also the big brother
I've always wanted.
- Let me guess.
He completes you.
- What? I would
never say that.
My point is there's plenty
of Bobby for everyone
and you'd better
get used to sharing him.
- Check it. I got
chocolate for Lori,
powdered for Lincoln,
matches the hair, bro,
and sprinkles
for the Clydesdale.
Here you go, dude.
- [groans]
- He'll eat it later.
- Come on, bro, let's
hit the Whirly Gig.
- Right behind you, bro.
Babe, you coming with?
- Totes.
Clyde and I will
be right behind you.
[straining, groaning]
- [heavy thud]
- You know what?
We'll meet you there.
- This is gonna be awesome.
I tipped the guy to
make it go faster,
so we get super-dizzy.
- Oh, what's that Clyde?
You want me to ride
to make you dizzy?
[laughing]
I do that to you?
[laughing]
Oh, you're so sweet, Clyde.
- Babe?
- Oh, hey, Bobby, check it out.
Some left a perfectly
good corndog in here.
- Sweet! Splitsies?
- [ride bell rings]
- BOTH: [laughing,
screaming]
- [loud thudding]
- LORI: Oh!
- [milk bottles clatter]
- A winner!
- Heya, babe.
- Oh, Clyde, thanks for
winning this for me.
You have such a good arm.
Do you work out?
- What's going on here?
- Uh, hey, Bobby?
Look, Tic Tac Toe,
or as I like to call it--
Tic Tac Bro.
- A winner!
- For you.
- Whoa!
I've always wanted
a remote-controlled airplane.
- [buzzing airplane thuds]
- LORI: [gasps]
- BOBBY: Come on, bro!
- Later, sis.
- [buzzing airplane thuds]
- [bell clangs]
- MAN: A winner!
- LORI:
[sighing]
One cotton candy, please.
- [machine whirring]
- [Clyde's head thudding]
- Hey, babe, you never eat
cotton candy off my head.
- Here, Bobby,
I got us snow cones,
or as I like to call
them--bro cones.
- Sweet!
Let's see who can
get a brain freeze first.
- BOTH:
[gasping]
- Yeah!
- Wahoo!
- Ew...
- [water squirting]
- CLYDE: [thuds]
- LORI: Oh, Clyde...
[laughing]
Here, snuggle in closer.
Oh? Hi, guys.
- Wait, babe, are you snuggling
with the Clydesdale?
- Bobby, check it out--
cowboys on dinosaurs.
Wanna take a broto?
- Good call, my man.
- [sighing]
Hey, guys!
- Babe, the Tunnel
of Love is our ride.
- I know, but you were
off with Lincoln, so...
- Bobby, look at that
ride--the Toilet Bowl.
Or as I like to call it--
the Toilet Browl.
- No way! Let's go
get flushed, bro!
- Bobby, wait!
- Join hands, you lovebirds.
- [ride bell rings]
- LORI: [groans]
- What an adorable couple.
- Oh, shut it.
This stinks.
This was supposed to be
a romantic date with Bobby--
and now look where I am.
No offense, Clyde.
It's just I should be on
this ride with my boyfriend.
Maybe I don't even have
a boyfriend anymore.
Bobby doesn't seem to care
about being with me at all.
Clyde?
- CLYDE: [plunks]
- Clyde!
- [alarm blaring]
- Got him!
We are five for five
this week.
- BOBBY & LINCOLN:
Toilet Browl!
- That was awesome!
Up for number two?
- You read my mind, dude.
Be right back.
- I was talking about
the ride, but that's cool.
- [sobbing]
- Miss, your
boyfriend's okay.
He's in the medical
tent drying off.
- He's not my boyfriend.
I literally don't think
I have a boyfriend anymore!
[sobbing]
- All right, dude.
Ready to hit
the broller-coaster?
- Listen, Bobby,
we need to talk.
I don't think we should
hang out anymore.
- What? No! What
did I do wrong?
- It's not you.
You're awesome.
But we're not being
fair to Lori.
She misses you.
- [whimpering]
- Be strong.
We can still do bro
stuff once in a while.
But, for now,
maybe you should find Lori
and take her on
the Tunnel of Love.
- Good idea.
The way you look
out for others--
it's what makes you
such a great bro.
I can't right now.
- Thank you for riding
the Tunnel of Love.
Watch your step, lovebirds.
- Hey, Linc, Bobby
told me what you did.
Thank you.
- No problem.
I'm sorry I was
hogging him.
Besides, I was running
out of bro puns.
- Bobby was right.
You're literally a great bro.
- You'd better get back
to your boyfriend.
- But what are
you gonna do?
- Don't worry about me.
Now that I think about it,
I've already got a bro--Clyde.
Where is he anyway?
- MAN ANNOUNCING: Would
the parents of a soggy boy
with cotton candy in his nose
please come to the medical tent.
- There's my answer.
Clyde, I hope you
didn't feel left out
while I was hanging
with Bobby.
- Are you kidding? I got
to have a date with Lori.
I just wish I could remember it.
- [knock at door]
- Hey, is Lori here?
- Yeah, come on in.
So, are we cool?
- Totally, dude.
- I appreciate you
being so mature--
especially after
the very romantic date
I'm told I just had
with your lady.
- ALL: Broshake!
- Clyde?
- ALL: [gasping]
- The sister-who-
cannot-be-named
would like to thank you
for hanging out with
her at the fair.
Further, she would like
you to have this gift
as a remembrance of
your time together.
- For me? L-L-Lori?
[thuds, groans]
- That's my bro.
- OTHERS: [laughing]
- LORI: Bobby,
Boo-Boo Bear!
- Hey, babe,
ready for an epic date?
- [gasps]
"A-truck-alypse Now."
This does not sound
like a romantic comedy.
- It's better--
an arena show where mutant
trucks crush each other!
- Yeah, I'm literally
not going to that.
Why don't you take Lincoln?
- LINCOLN & BOBBY: What?
What'll we even talk about?
- Come on, guys,
you'll have fun together.
I know it.
- LINCOLN & BOBBY:
Wahoo!
- That was an awesome
celebration
of senseless destruction.
- Right?
Bro handshake.
- I told you you guys
would hit it off.
- How do we end this?
- I have no idea.
- Boo-Boo Bear,
would you get my back, please?
- I can't right now, babe,
Lincoln just got here.
- LINCOLN:
Hey, Bobby!
- Lincoln?
- Yeah.
We had so much
fun yesterday
that I invited him
to hang with us.
Wooooo!
'Sup, bro?
- Hey, bro.
- Last one in the water
is a loser!
- Hey, guys,
sorry I'm late.
- Lincoln?
- No worries, bro.
We wouldn't start
without ya.
I challenge you to a duel,
Monsieur Lincoln.
- Oh, it is on,
Señor Roberto.
- [bread thwacking]
- [cell phone music]
- Boo-Boo Bear!
I haven't heard
from you all day.
You're where?
With Lincoln?
Stay right there.
I'm coming over.
[screams]
- [cell phone crashes]
- It was bad enough when they
treated me like a third wheel.
But now they're
hanging out without me?
I don't think so.
- [door slams]
- Oh, Edwin, I'm so glad
you're not like mortal men.
- LORI: Bobby,
this has got to--
- Hey, babe.
Look, I won you these.
Thanks for being so cool about
me hanging with Lincoln.
You know, all my life,
I've always wished
I had a brother,
and now I feel
like I've got one.
It's like Lincoln
completes me.
Sorry, what were
you gonna say?
- Uh...nothing.
I mean...
Go finish your game,
Boo-Boo Bear.
- Thanks, babe.
We're still on for the county
fair tomorrow, right?
- You bet. We're totes riding
the Tunnel of Love together.
- Sweet! Lincoln and I
will meet you there at 5:00.
- What do I do? I'm sick of
Lincoln crashing our dates.
But it makes Bobby so happy.
He says Lincoln's like
the brother he never had.
- I know. Why don't
you hang out with
Bobby's little sister
Ronnie Anne.
She could be like
the sister you never had.
- You know, this happens
in my book.
Griselda thinks
she's losing Edwin,
so she makes him jealous,
and he totally
comes crawling back.
Well, flying, actually.
- Ooh, that's perfect.
But how do I make
Bobby jealous?
- [doorbell ringing]
- Hi, Lucy,
is Lincoln around?
- Clyde, am I glad
to see you.
- L-L-Lori?
[groans, thuds]
- Clyde, how would you like--
- L-L-L-Lori?
[groans, thuds]
- Clyde?
- L-L-L...Lucy?
- I come with
a message from--
the sister-who-
cannot-be-named.
Said sister would like
you to join her
at the county fair tomorrow.
- I would love to accompany
the lovely L-L...
unnamed sister
to the county fair.
- Yay!
- CLYDE: [groans]
- How are you going
to make Bobby jealous
with someone who's lifeless
and covered in blood?
Oh, wait, that's
exactly what Griselda did.
- [carnival music]
- Hey, it's my fair maiden.
[laughing]
Get it? Ready to have fun?
- Totes.
But, since three
is an odd number,
I invited someone
to join us--Clyde.
- That's cool.
I love the Clydesdale.
Hey, I'm gonna grab us
all some mini-donuts.
- Great, donuts for bros,
or as I like to call them--
bronuts.
- BOBBY: [giggling]
Bronuts.
- What are you up to?
- Whatever do you
mean, Lincoln?
- I mean this--
he's not even conscious.
Oh, wait a minute.
I get it.
You're trying to
make Bobby jealous
by dragging
poor Clyde around.
- No, I'm not.
- Well, it won't work.
- Yes, it will! I mean--
[groans]
I wouldn't have to do
anything if you'd stop
hogging my boyfriend
and give him back to me.
- He's not just
your boyfriend.
He's also the big brother
I've always wanted.
- Let me guess.
He completes you.
- What? I would
never say that.
My point is there's plenty
of Bobby for everyone
and you'd better
get used to sharing him.
- Check it. I got
chocolate for Lori,
powdered for Lincoln,
matches the hair, bro,
and sprinkles
for the Clydesdale.
Here you go, dude.
- [groans]
- He'll eat it later.
- Come on, bro, let's
hit the Whirly Gig.
- Right behind you, bro.
Babe, you coming with?
- Totes.
Clyde and I will
be right behind you.
[straining, groaning]
- [heavy thud]
- You know what?
We'll meet you there.
- This is gonna be awesome.
I tipped the guy to
make it go faster,
so we get super-dizzy.
- Oh, what's that Clyde?
You want me to ride
to make you dizzy?
[laughing]
I do that to you?
[laughing]
Oh, you're so sweet, Clyde.
- Babe?
- Oh, hey, Bobby, check it out.
Some left a perfectly
good corndog in here.
- Sweet! Splitsies?
- [ride bell rings]
- BOTH: [laughing,
screaming]
- [loud thudding]
- LORI: Oh!
- [milk bottles clatter]
- A winner!
- Heya, babe.
- Oh, Clyde, thanks for
winning this for me.
You have such a good arm.
Do you work out?
- What's going on here?
- Uh, hey, Bobby?
Look, Tic Tac Toe,
or as I like to call it--
Tic Tac Bro.
- A winner!
- For you.
- Whoa!
I've always wanted
a remote-controlled airplane.
- [buzzing airplane thuds]
- LORI: [gasps]
- BOBBY: Come on, bro!
- Later, sis.
- [buzzing airplane thuds]
- [bell clangs]
- MAN: A winner!
- LORI:
[sighing]
One cotton candy, please.
- [machine whirring]
- [Clyde's head thudding]
- Hey, babe, you never eat
cotton candy off my head.
- Here, Bobby,
I got us snow cones,
or as I like to call
them--bro cones.
- Sweet!
Let's see who can
get a brain freeze first.
- BOTH:
[gasping]
- Yeah!
- Wahoo!
- Ew...
- [water squirting]
- CLYDE: [thuds]
- LORI: Oh, Clyde...
[laughing]
Here, snuggle in closer.
Oh? Hi, guys.
- Wait, babe, are you snuggling
with the Clydesdale?
- Bobby, check it out--
cowboys on dinosaurs.
Wanna take a broto?
- Good call, my man.
- [sighing]
Hey, guys!
- Babe, the Tunnel
of Love is our ride.
- I know, but you were
off with Lincoln, so...
- Bobby, look at that
ride--the Toilet Bowl.
Or as I like to call it--
the Toilet Browl.
- No way! Let's go
get flushed, bro!
- Bobby, wait!
- Join hands, you lovebirds.
- [ride bell rings]
- LORI: [groans]
- What an adorable couple.
- Oh, shut it.
This stinks.
This was supposed to be
a romantic date with Bobby--
and now look where I am.
No offense, Clyde.
It's just I should be on
this ride with my boyfriend.
Maybe I don't even have
a boyfriend anymore.
Bobby doesn't seem to care
about being with me at all.
Clyde?
- CLYDE: [plunks]
- Clyde!
- [alarm blaring]
- Got him!
We are five for five
this week.
- BOBBY & LINCOLN:
Toilet Browl!
- That was awesome!
Up for number two?
- You read my mind, dude.
Be right back.
- I was talking about
the ride, but that's cool.
- [sobbing]
- Miss, your
boyfriend's okay.
He's in the medical
tent drying off.
- He's not my boyfriend.
I literally don't think
I have a boyfriend anymore!
[sobbing]
- All right, dude.
Ready to hit
the broller-coaster?
- Listen, Bobby,
we need to talk.
I don't think we should
hang out anymore.
- What? No! What
did I do wrong?
- It's not you.
You're awesome.
But we're not being
fair to Lori.
She misses you.
- [whimpering]
- Be strong.
We can still do bro
stuff once in a while.
But, for now,
maybe you should find Lori
and take her on
the Tunnel of Love.
- Good idea.
The way you look
out for others--
it's what makes you
such a great bro.
I can't right now.
- Thank you for riding
the Tunnel of Love.
Watch your step, lovebirds.
- Hey, Linc, Bobby
told me what you did.
Thank you.
- No problem.
I'm sorry I was
hogging him.
Besides, I was running
out of bro puns.
- Bobby was right.
You're literally a great bro.
- You'd better get back
to your boyfriend.
- But what are
you gonna do?
- Don't worry about me.
Now that I think about it,
I've already got a bro--Clyde.
Where is he anyway?
- MAN ANNOUNCING: Would
the parents of a soggy boy
with cotton candy in his nose
please come to the medical tent.
- There's my answer.
Clyde, I hope you
didn't feel left out
while I was hanging
with Bobby.
- Are you kidding? I got
to have a date with Lori.
I just wish I could remember it.
- [knock at door]
- Hey, is Lori here?
- Yeah, come on in.
So, are we cool?
- Totally, dude.
- I appreciate you
being so mature--
especially after
the very romantic date
I'm told I just had
with your lady.
- ALL: Broshake!
- Clyde?
- ALL: [gasping]
- The sister-who-
cannot-be-named
would like to thank you
for hanging out with
her at the fair.
Further, she would like
you to have this gift
as a remembrance of
your time together.
- For me? L-L-Lori?
[thuds, groans]
- That's my bro.
- OTHERS: [laughing]