The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Loud House - full transcript
Lincoln is worried that he's lost his manliness from growing up with all sisters, so he and Clyde go camping. Lincoln gets Lori a job at a pizza arcade, but when he starts to ask favors of her, Lori gets in hot water.
- ♪
- [ship's horn blasting]
- MALE TV ANNOUNCER:
Will our captivating captain
find her first mate,
or will it be man overboard?
Find out tonight
as we set sail for love
on "The Dream Boat."
- [ship's horn blasting]
- Eeeee! Karen should
totes pick Bronson.
He's so gorge,
I can't even...
- No way, dude.
What about Brock?
He wrote her
that sweet jam.
- [accordion music]
- I like Bram.
- [birds cawing]
- Ew, he gives
me the creeps.
- Exactly.
- I like Bryant.
[sniffing]
He's so romantic.
- Karen, I'll be
your North Star,
'cause no matter where
this journey takes you,
I'll always be there
to guide you home.
- North Star? Ach, poppycock.
Tree moss is a far more reliable
means of navigation--
given that it only grows on
the north side of trees.
- SISTERS:
[groaning]
- I like Blaine.
I bet he can bench
300 pounds,
maybe 320 with his bod.
- Blaine? But he wore flip-flops
to their first date.
I mean, I can't even...
- SISTERS: [chattering]
- Lincoln, it's so much fun
watching this show with you.
You're like literally
one of the girls.
- [gasps]
One of the girls?!
- This mud mask is both
cleansing and invigorating.
- Oh, my pores are tingling.
- Thanks, Lincoln.
I always mess up my right hand.
- Hey! Someone put her dirty
old dress in the wash
with all my pageant gowns!
[roaring]
[bonks head]
Oh, I can't rip you apart,
if you're already dead!
- Back two over one.
- You got it, bro.
These accessories will make
our outfits rockin'.
- R-R-R-Rockin'!
- Lincoln,
how's that hem coming?
- Almost done.
- Thanks. I can wear this
poncho for all five seasons.
- Yikes! Is spending all
my time around girls
turning me into one?
Nah, I'm sure I'll
turn out fine.
- DAD: What did I miss?
Did Blaine finally
put on some loafers?
- This show's lame.
Let's watch guy stuff.
- SISTERS: Hey!
- MALE TV ANNOUNCER: A lifetime
in the extreme wilderness
has made Rip Hardcore as tough
as a two-dollar steak.
- Now this is
my kind of show.
- [scoffs] Since when?
- DAD: Oh, no, turn it back!
We're gonna miss
the anchor ceremony!
- [punching, smacking]
- It's mine! Gimme it!
- Let me get this straight.
You think living with the girls
has made you unmanly,
so, we're spending a weekend
in the extreme wilderness
so, we can turn into steaks?
- Uh, close enough.
Now, are you ready
to get extreme?
- You know it!
- [chests thudding]
- Wait, I promised my dads
I'd stay in their sightline.
It's supposed to be
a really nice B&B.
- Clyde, how are
we supposed to toughen up
with your dads
watching over us?
- They were willing
to bring us
some of their complementary
welcome scones.
- Now this spot looks perfect.
- But the sign says no camping
here, extreme danger.
- Exactly--extreme.
Our first order of
business--securing shelter.
- My dads used this tent
on a safari last year.
It has its own verandah.
- Tough guys don't
sleep on verandahs, Clyde.
They build their own shelter.
- What a beaut.
- All in a manly day's work.
Now how about we rustle
up some grub?
- Great. My dad made
my favorite--
Swiss chard frittata.
- Forget the frittata, Clyde.
Tough guys eat beans.
- Were you thinking chili
or more of a cassoulet?
- Mm! Mm! Mm!
Good stuff, right?
- Very...tasty.
- I think I'll save
the rest for later.
- Yeah, for breakfast--
or never.
- Well, we're burnin'
daylight here.
Better get started
on our campfire.
- Way ahead of you.
This baby's got
LED lights, silk flames,
and a realistic
crackling sound.
- [flames crackling]
- [crackling stops]
- Clyde, tough guys
make real fires.
[smacking stones]
[blowing air]
- [thuds]
- [shivering] R-R-Really tough
guys don't even need fires.
They brave the elements.
- [farts]
Sorry. Musta been the beans.
Or the loss of feeling
below my waist.
- No need to
apologize, Clyde.
Tough guys let it all out.
[huge fart]
- [laughs]
Well, in that case...
- [huge belch]
- [huge belch]
[laughing]
- [farting]
- BOTH: [belching,
farting, laughing]
- [bird screeches]
- [owl hoots]
- [yawning]
All this extreme ruggedness
has worn me out.
What level of firmness
do you want?
- We don't need that.
The ground will be our mattress.
- Oh, so extra firm.
- We're tough guys,
not animals.
I'm really glad
we did this, Clyde.
Out here in the woods,
away from all the girls,
I'm starting to feel
like a real man.
- Me, too.
[farts]
[laughing]
Oh, I think I just
found a way to stay warm.
[farts]
- [sniffing]
- [birds chirping]
- [loon calling]
- [yawning]
Ah, nothing like
waking up and--
- Water!
We're in the water!
- Ah! How did this happen?
- [waves splashing]
- [waterfall thundering]
- BOTH: [scream]
Paddle!
- Hey, isn't that
our shelter?
- LINCOLN:
It's making a dam.
- BOTH: Yeah!
- We're saved.
And all because
we built our own shelter,
like the tough--
- BOTH: [screaming]
- Lincoln? Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I landed
on a really soft rock.
- [moose bellowing,
snorting]
- Not a rock! Moose!
[screaming]
- [moose bellowing]
- [screams]
- [sniffing]
- Ha! Nothing two tough
guys like us can't handle.
Right, Clyde?
- [moose thudding tree]
- Whoa!
- [thudding tree]
- BOTH:
[screaming]
- Oh! Clyde, are you okay?
- I'm fine. I landed
on a really soft rock.
- [bees buzzing]
- Not a rock. A beehive!
[screaming]
- LINCOLN:
[screaming]
This is still nothing tough
guys like us can't handle.
At least it's not raining.
- [thunder crashing]
- Is that all you've got?
- [mud sloshing]
- BOTH: [screaming]
[panting]
- Lincoln, I know this
probably sounds lame
to a tough guy like you,
but I'm hungry, and wet,
and cold, and I kinda wish
I was with my dads
at the B&B,
eating welcome scones.
- So do I.
[sighing]
I was kidding
myself, Clyde.
I'm no tough guy.
After all those years
around all those women,
it's too late for me.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna lie down on
this nice soft rock.
- [growling]
- Not a rock! Bear!
- [roaring]
- BOTH: [screaming]
- Clyde, quick, play dead.
- [sniffing]
[bonks head]
[feet padding]
- Lincoln, that was amazing.
How did you know
to play dead?
- [bonks head]
Oh, I can't rip you apart,
if you're ready dead!
- BOTH: [panting]
- It's something
I learned from Lucy.
- D-D-Does she know anything
about k-k-keeping warm?
- No, but Leni does.
- I can wear this poncho
for all five seasons.
The key is the faux
fur lining.
- Wow, it is so toasty.
- The key is
the birch bark lining.
Now, come on, Clyde,
we're goin' home.
- Which way?
- Why, it's just...
This way!
Lisa said that moss only grows
on the north side of trees.
- My dads are staying at
the North Valley B&B.
Follow that moss!
- [shoes "screeching"]
- How do we get up there?
- You got it, bro.
These accessories will
make our outfits rockin'.
- R-R-R-Rockin'!
- And if you braid
the strands real tight,
they're strong enough to
use as rope, right, Chuck?
- Right as rain, luv.
We're gonna need a bigger
window, though.
- Back two over one.
That'll hold.
- This is great, Lincoln.
What'd you make
this rope out of?
- This should help
the poison ivy.
Oh, my pores are tingling.
- It also soothes sunburn,
poison ivy,
and mild to moderate acne.
- ♪
- [shoes "screech"]
- [loud smack]
- [straining]
- How are we gonna
move this bad boy?
- [straining]
- Step aside. I got this.
[spits]
You've gotta lift with
your legs, not your back.
You see?
[grunting]
[grunts]
- [rock thuds]
- ♪
- [log creaking]
- Whoa! [gasping]
- How do you
balance in those?
- Eyes forward, chin up,
tushy clenched.
- ♪
- Good tip, Lincoln.
It really works.
- I don't think you
have to do the wave.
- Voilà!
- ♪
- Clyde, we did it!
We made it back!
[sighing]
- I'm pooped.
I'm just gonna sit down
and wait for my dads
on this nice soft rock.
- BOTH:
[screaming]
- Oh, this one's
really just a rock.
- I thought spending so much
time around my sisters
was a problem, when actually
it's just the opposite.
If it wasn't for them,
I'd probably be
a moose meal by now,
and now that I don't
have to worry about
what's manly or girly
or any of that junk,
I can go back
to enjoying this.
Who wants
strawberry muffins?
- DAD & SISTERS:
I do! I do!
[chomping]
- Oh, Blaine, please tell
me you're not wearing clogs.
- [ship's horn blasting]
- MALE TV ANNOUNCER:
Will our captivating captain
find her first mate,
or will it be man overboard?
Find out tonight
as we set sail for love
on "The Dream Boat."
- [ship's horn blasting]
- Eeeee! Karen should
totes pick Bronson.
He's so gorge,
I can't even...
- No way, dude.
What about Brock?
He wrote her
that sweet jam.
- [accordion music]
- I like Bram.
- [birds cawing]
- Ew, he gives
me the creeps.
- Exactly.
- I like Bryant.
[sniffing]
He's so romantic.
- Karen, I'll be
your North Star,
'cause no matter where
this journey takes you,
I'll always be there
to guide you home.
- North Star? Ach, poppycock.
Tree moss is a far more reliable
means of navigation--
given that it only grows on
the north side of trees.
- SISTERS:
[groaning]
- I like Blaine.
I bet he can bench
300 pounds,
maybe 320 with his bod.
- Blaine? But he wore flip-flops
to their first date.
I mean, I can't even...
- SISTERS: [chattering]
- Lincoln, it's so much fun
watching this show with you.
You're like literally
one of the girls.
- [gasps]
One of the girls?!
- This mud mask is both
cleansing and invigorating.
- Oh, my pores are tingling.
- Thanks, Lincoln.
I always mess up my right hand.
- Hey! Someone put her dirty
old dress in the wash
with all my pageant gowns!
[roaring]
[bonks head]
Oh, I can't rip you apart,
if you're already dead!
- Back two over one.
- You got it, bro.
These accessories will make
our outfits rockin'.
- R-R-R-Rockin'!
- Lincoln,
how's that hem coming?
- Almost done.
- Thanks. I can wear this
poncho for all five seasons.
- Yikes! Is spending all
my time around girls
turning me into one?
Nah, I'm sure I'll
turn out fine.
- DAD: What did I miss?
Did Blaine finally
put on some loafers?
- This show's lame.
Let's watch guy stuff.
- SISTERS: Hey!
- MALE TV ANNOUNCER: A lifetime
in the extreme wilderness
has made Rip Hardcore as tough
as a two-dollar steak.
- Now this is
my kind of show.
- [scoffs] Since when?
- DAD: Oh, no, turn it back!
We're gonna miss
the anchor ceremony!
- [punching, smacking]
- It's mine! Gimme it!
- Let me get this straight.
You think living with the girls
has made you unmanly,
so, we're spending a weekend
in the extreme wilderness
so, we can turn into steaks?
- Uh, close enough.
Now, are you ready
to get extreme?
- You know it!
- [chests thudding]
- Wait, I promised my dads
I'd stay in their sightline.
It's supposed to be
a really nice B&B.
- Clyde, how are
we supposed to toughen up
with your dads
watching over us?
- They were willing
to bring us
some of their complementary
welcome scones.
- Now this spot looks perfect.
- But the sign says no camping
here, extreme danger.
- Exactly--extreme.
Our first order of
business--securing shelter.
- My dads used this tent
on a safari last year.
It has its own verandah.
- Tough guys don't
sleep on verandahs, Clyde.
They build their own shelter.
- What a beaut.
- All in a manly day's work.
Now how about we rustle
up some grub?
- Great. My dad made
my favorite--
Swiss chard frittata.
- Forget the frittata, Clyde.
Tough guys eat beans.
- Were you thinking chili
or more of a cassoulet?
- Mm! Mm! Mm!
Good stuff, right?
- Very...tasty.
- I think I'll save
the rest for later.
- Yeah, for breakfast--
or never.
- Well, we're burnin'
daylight here.
Better get started
on our campfire.
- Way ahead of you.
This baby's got
LED lights, silk flames,
and a realistic
crackling sound.
- [flames crackling]
- [crackling stops]
- Clyde, tough guys
make real fires.
[smacking stones]
[blowing air]
- [thuds]
- [shivering] R-R-Really tough
guys don't even need fires.
They brave the elements.
- [farts]
Sorry. Musta been the beans.
Or the loss of feeling
below my waist.
- No need to
apologize, Clyde.
Tough guys let it all out.
[huge fart]
- [laughs]
Well, in that case...
- [huge belch]
- [huge belch]
[laughing]
- [farting]
- BOTH: [belching,
farting, laughing]
- [bird screeches]
- [owl hoots]
- [yawning]
All this extreme ruggedness
has worn me out.
What level of firmness
do you want?
- We don't need that.
The ground will be our mattress.
- Oh, so extra firm.
- We're tough guys,
not animals.
I'm really glad
we did this, Clyde.
Out here in the woods,
away from all the girls,
I'm starting to feel
like a real man.
- Me, too.
[farts]
[laughing]
Oh, I think I just
found a way to stay warm.
[farts]
- [sniffing]
- [birds chirping]
- [loon calling]
- [yawning]
Ah, nothing like
waking up and--
- Water!
We're in the water!
- Ah! How did this happen?
- [waves splashing]
- [waterfall thundering]
- BOTH: [scream]
Paddle!
- Hey, isn't that
our shelter?
- LINCOLN:
It's making a dam.
- BOTH: Yeah!
- We're saved.
And all because
we built our own shelter,
like the tough--
- BOTH: [screaming]
- Lincoln? Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I landed
on a really soft rock.
- [moose bellowing,
snorting]
- Not a rock! Moose!
[screaming]
- [moose bellowing]
- [screams]
- [sniffing]
- Ha! Nothing two tough
guys like us can't handle.
Right, Clyde?
- [moose thudding tree]
- Whoa!
- [thudding tree]
- BOTH:
[screaming]
- Oh! Clyde, are you okay?
- I'm fine. I landed
on a really soft rock.
- [bees buzzing]
- Not a rock. A beehive!
[screaming]
- LINCOLN:
[screaming]
This is still nothing tough
guys like us can't handle.
At least it's not raining.
- [thunder crashing]
- Is that all you've got?
- [mud sloshing]
- BOTH: [screaming]
[panting]
- Lincoln, I know this
probably sounds lame
to a tough guy like you,
but I'm hungry, and wet,
and cold, and I kinda wish
I was with my dads
at the B&B,
eating welcome scones.
- So do I.
[sighing]
I was kidding
myself, Clyde.
I'm no tough guy.
After all those years
around all those women,
it's too late for me.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna lie down on
this nice soft rock.
- [growling]
- Not a rock! Bear!
- [roaring]
- BOTH: [screaming]
- Clyde, quick, play dead.
- [sniffing]
[bonks head]
[feet padding]
- Lincoln, that was amazing.
How did you know
to play dead?
- [bonks head]
Oh, I can't rip you apart,
if you're ready dead!
- BOTH: [panting]
- It's something
I learned from Lucy.
- D-D-Does she know anything
about k-k-keeping warm?
- No, but Leni does.
- I can wear this poncho
for all five seasons.
The key is the faux
fur lining.
- Wow, it is so toasty.
- The key is
the birch bark lining.
Now, come on, Clyde,
we're goin' home.
- Which way?
- Why, it's just...
This way!
Lisa said that moss only grows
on the north side of trees.
- My dads are staying at
the North Valley B&B.
Follow that moss!
- [shoes "screeching"]
- How do we get up there?
- You got it, bro.
These accessories will
make our outfits rockin'.
- R-R-R-Rockin'!
- And if you braid
the strands real tight,
they're strong enough to
use as rope, right, Chuck?
- Right as rain, luv.
We're gonna need a bigger
window, though.
- Back two over one.
That'll hold.
- This is great, Lincoln.
What'd you make
this rope out of?
- This should help
the poison ivy.
Oh, my pores are tingling.
- It also soothes sunburn,
poison ivy,
and mild to moderate acne.
- ♪
- [shoes "screech"]
- [loud smack]
- [straining]
- How are we gonna
move this bad boy?
- [straining]
- Step aside. I got this.
[spits]
You've gotta lift with
your legs, not your back.
You see?
[grunting]
[grunts]
- [rock thuds]
- ♪
- [log creaking]
- Whoa! [gasping]
- How do you
balance in those?
- Eyes forward, chin up,
tushy clenched.
- ♪
- Good tip, Lincoln.
It really works.
- I don't think you
have to do the wave.
- Voilà!
- ♪
- Clyde, we did it!
We made it back!
[sighing]
- I'm pooped.
I'm just gonna sit down
and wait for my dads
on this nice soft rock.
- BOTH:
[screaming]
- Oh, this one's
really just a rock.
- I thought spending so much
time around my sisters
was a problem, when actually
it's just the opposite.
If it wasn't for them,
I'd probably be
a moose meal by now,
and now that I don't
have to worry about
what's manly or girly
or any of that junk,
I can go back
to enjoying this.
Who wants
strawberry muffins?
- DAD & SISTERS:
I do! I do!
[chomping]
- Oh, Blaine, please tell
me you're not wearing clogs.