The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 18 - April Fools Rules/Cereal Offender - full transcript
Lincoln plans to avoid getting pranked by Luan on April Fool's Day this year, but must set off all of Luan's traps around the house before Ronnie Anne arrives. The Loud family goes to the supermarket, but Lincoln has other plans.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- You’ve been with us
a while,
and it really
doesn’t need to be said,
but in a family
as big as mine,
everything turns
into a competition.
- Okay, kids.
Time for bed!
- I can make it up
the stairs first!
[all yelling]
- Uh-huh, work it!
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.
- Kids, come bring in
the groceries!
- I bet I can literally
carry the most bags.
[all yelling]
- Yeah!
Go, Luna!
Most bags!
What? Bags!
What?
- [gulping]
[belching]
- [belching]
Go, Lola!
Biggest burp!
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
- I haven’t had a win
in forever,
but that changes today.
It’s our annual
garage sale,
and at 5:00 p.m. today
when the markets close,
the victory dance
shall be mine.
- [crying]
- Oh, what’s the matter,
Lily?
You need your blankie?
- [crying]
- It’s okay, Lily.
Your blankie’s right here.
[sucking]
[toy squeaks]
[jazzy music]
Hate to break it
to you, ladies,
but I’m outselling
all of you.
- That’s amusing from someone
who couldn’t sell
a negative charge
to an electron.
- Yeah? Well, you couldn’t sell
a rattle to a snake.
- Well, you couldn’t sell
a dress if it was 50% off!
Not even if it was
half off!
- Build up those appetites,
sales people!
We’re having goulash
tonight!
- Which will be served
on our refinished dining table!
Have fun out there,
kids!
- Yeah, have fun...
watching this rump
do the bump.
[clattering]
Dang it.
Check it out,
folks.
Low prices,
high quality.
Clyde, time to put Operation
Pretend-you’ve-never-met-me-
and-are-really-interested-
in-my-stuff-so-other-people-
will-buy-it-and-also-
think-of-a-shorter-name-
for-this-operation
into action!
- Sorry.
My walkie cut out.
Can you repeat that?
- [sighs]
Just get over here.
Excellent choice,
sir.
Not only is that
some state-of-the-art
head protection;
it also doubles
as a soup bowl.
- Whoa!
Is this a genuine
bowl-met?
I’ve searched every garage sale
in the state for one of these!
How much do you
want for it?
- Mm,
5 bucks.
- Well, I’ll give you 10!
- Actually, I was
about to buy that.
- Nice!
[bell tinkling]
Excellent work,
Clyde.
- Thanks, Lincoln.
For your next customer,
I’d thought I’d break out
the ole English accent.
’Ello, luv!
- Sweet!
No way my sisters are gonna
be able to compete with me.
- I wouldn’t be
so sure.
Looks like they’ve got
some game too.
- Exotic reptiles
for sale!
[chomp]
- Ah-ah-ah!
- Snakebite kits
for sale!
- Sold!
- Candles, cobwebs,
cauldrons.
- Rubbish!
- Free psychic reading
with every purchase.
- Free?
Well, now you’re speaking my
language, little psychic girl.
What’s your cheapest item?
- And now I’ll look
into your future.
Hmm.
Business will be booming.
- [chortling]
- Expired chemicals!
Buy one,
get one free!
- Ooh, did I hear
"free"?
- [babbling]
- New paint job,
space galore,
and it comes with
its own clicky thingy.
- You’re really
selling this?
- Hello!
It’s a garage sale.
- Eh, so they made
some sales.
My victory dance and I
aren’t worried.
- Wow, you’re handling
being in last place
better than I thought.
- Last place?
How has Lily sold $20
worth of stuff?
What am I doing
wrong?
[toy squeaks]
- Please be my...
[distorted] Friend.
- [screams]
- Uh, maybe I need
to upgrade the merchandise.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- And one, and two,
and three...
Come on now,
girls!
♪ ♪
- [grunts]
♪ ♪
Your mom’s
wedding dress?
- Eh, she never
wears it.
Let’s make some sales.
Can I see $60?
I see $60.
Sold to the mustachioed man
in the bandana.
Start the bidding
at $300.
We got $300, $400.
We got $500!
Sold to the man
in the blue jean tuxedo!
- Lincoln!
What are you doing?
This stuff
isn’t even yours.
- So?
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[all chattering indistinctly]
♪ ♪
- Lincoln, you only have
one minute until 5:00 p.m.,
and you’re $4
out of first place.
♪ ♪
[cash register clangs]
- That’s a wrap,
kids!
Goulash is served
in ten!
- Yes!
My losing streak is over!
Now feast your eyes
on my caboose,
’cause it’s leaving
the station!
[baby crying]
- Someone give Lily
her blankie!
- I don’t know
where it is!
- Oh, no,
where could it be?
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Oh, no!
We must have sold it!
- Yeah, yeah, very sad.
Now if you don’t mind,
I’m about to do
my victory dance.
- [wailing]
[babbling shrilly]
- [sighs]
Oh, never mind.
I’m sorry, Lily.
I guess we all got a little too
caught up in our competition.
all: We’re sorry,
Lily.
- Sorry.
- So your big brother is going
to put the competition aside
and go find your blanket.
- Oh, no!
You’re not going to be
the hero.
I’m going to find
that blankie!
- Not if I find it
first!
- I am finding
that blanket.
[all chattering indistinctly]
- The victory dance
shall be mine!
[knocks]
- Hello, ma’am.
[grunts]
- Did you buy
a blanket--ah!
- From a garage sale
today?
- I didn’t buy
a blanket,
but I did buy
this hunk of junk.
[vacuum whirs and booms]
I want my money back.
both: Uh, she sold it to you.
- I’m getting
that blankie first!
Sir, sir!
Weren’t you
at our garage sale today?
- If you want to win,
you need a can-do attitude.
[laughing]
- Beat it, Lynn.
This is my house!
- No way!
That blanket is mine!
[both pound]
[upbeat rock music]
[dog growling]
- Whoops. Wrong house.
[dog barking,
both yelling]
- Hmm, I think I did
buy a blanket.
Why don’t you
come in?
- First to spot
the blanket
gets the blanket.
- It’s so nice
to have visitors.
Would you like to see
my collection of bingo ribbons?
- I win!
I found the blanket
in that house right there!
- That’s not a house.
That’s a restaurant.
- Order number six!
- And you’re holding
a napkin.
- Dang it.
- B-14.
Anybody? B-14.
- This woman does not
have the blanket.
Let’s get
out of here.
- Are you kidding?
One more number,
and I’ve got a bingo!
Spin it, sister!
♪ ♪
- Excuse me, ma’am.
Have you seen this blanket?
How about you?
Aha! Where
did you get this?
- [crying]
[smack]
- [yelling]
[clattering]
Lily’s blankie!
Hey, Flip,
you were at our garage sale
today, weren’t you?
- I don’t know, chief.
Maybe.
I go to a lot
of garage sales.
- I need to buy that blanket
back from you.
- No can do.
This blanket’s
working for me.
Really gets
the bird poop off.
- Please!
It’s important!
- Maybe we can do
business,
but it’s gonna
cost ya!
- [crying]
- Be right there, sweetie!
- Good news, Lily.
I found your blanket!
- No, you didn’t,
’cause I have it!
- Please.
I’ve got it right here.
- I’ve got it!
- No, I do!
- This is Lily’s
blanket.
- You guys,
I’m pretty sure
this is the right one.
I had to give Flip
all my garage sale money for it.
- I gave Flip all my money
for this one!
- Me too!
- So did I!
- And me!
- I even game him
my bingo ribbon.
- I bought a blanket
from Flip too!
- Uh, that’s
a welcome mat, dude.
- Dang it.
- I can’t believe this.
Flip fooled us all.
- Ugh, that
gasoline-selling swindler!
- Here you go,
sweetie.
Still hot from the dryer.
- [cooing]
- Are you literally
joking right now?
It’s been here
all along?
- What happened
to our furniture?
- Uh, see...
we kind of got caught up
in a competition.
- Yeah, and we kind of
sold everything.
- Well, you’re all
kind of grounded.
- We deserve it.
And believe me.
We’ve learned
our lesson.
No more competing.
- Yeah, seriously.
- Done and done!
- So over it!
- It’s too bad,
’cause I had a victory dance
that would put
all of you to shame.
- Psh.
I doubt that!
- The chances are slim.
- Oh, yeah?
All aboard!
Woot! Woot!
This caboose
is leaving the station!
Go, Lincoln!
Best butt shake!
Choo-choo!
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah!
Best butt shake!
- You call that
a victory dance?
Go, Lana! Go, Lana!
Uh, uh, uh.
- Mine’s better!
[grunting]
- Why do you even
have a butt,
if that’s all
you’re gonna do with it?
all: Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Kids!
Please!
This is how you do
a victory dance!
Uh-huh! Go, Mom!
Shake that booty!
- Ha!
Give me a break!
Get a load of the goulash
shakedown!
Go, Dad!
- Go, Mom!
- Shake it down now!
- Mm-hmm, oh, yeah!
- Well, now you know
where we get it from.
As they say,
the nuts don’t fall
too far from the tree.
Oh! Uh-hmm, mm-hmm.
Go, Lincoln!
Go, Lincoln!
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
[liquid plops]
- I’m loving these
two-for-one chemicals.
I’m going to make
a fortune
selling them
as windshield wiper fluid!
[chortles]
Suckers!
[plop,
explosion booms]
Well, the little psychic girl
was right.
Business is booming.
♪ ♪
- You’ve been with us
a while,
and it really
doesn’t need to be said,
but in a family
as big as mine,
everything turns
into a competition.
- Okay, kids.
Time for bed!
- I can make it up
the stairs first!
[all yelling]
- Uh-huh, work it!
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.
- Kids, come bring in
the groceries!
- I bet I can literally
carry the most bags.
[all yelling]
- Yeah!
Go, Luna!
Most bags!
What? Bags!
What?
- [gulping]
[belching]
- [belching]
Go, Lola!
Biggest burp!
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
- I haven’t had a win
in forever,
but that changes today.
It’s our annual
garage sale,
and at 5:00 p.m. today
when the markets close,
the victory dance
shall be mine.
- [crying]
- Oh, what’s the matter,
Lily?
You need your blankie?
- [crying]
- It’s okay, Lily.
Your blankie’s right here.
[sucking]
[toy squeaks]
[jazzy music]
Hate to break it
to you, ladies,
but I’m outselling
all of you.
- That’s amusing from someone
who couldn’t sell
a negative charge
to an electron.
- Yeah? Well, you couldn’t sell
a rattle to a snake.
- Well, you couldn’t sell
a dress if it was 50% off!
Not even if it was
half off!
- Build up those appetites,
sales people!
We’re having goulash
tonight!
- Which will be served
on our refinished dining table!
Have fun out there,
kids!
- Yeah, have fun...
watching this rump
do the bump.
[clattering]
Dang it.
Check it out,
folks.
Low prices,
high quality.
Clyde, time to put Operation
Pretend-you’ve-never-met-me-
and-are-really-interested-
in-my-stuff-so-other-people-
will-buy-it-and-also-
think-of-a-shorter-name-
for-this-operation
into action!
- Sorry.
My walkie cut out.
Can you repeat that?
- [sighs]
Just get over here.
Excellent choice,
sir.
Not only is that
some state-of-the-art
head protection;
it also doubles
as a soup bowl.
- Whoa!
Is this a genuine
bowl-met?
I’ve searched every garage sale
in the state for one of these!
How much do you
want for it?
- Mm,
5 bucks.
- Well, I’ll give you 10!
- Actually, I was
about to buy that.
- Nice!
[bell tinkling]
Excellent work,
Clyde.
- Thanks, Lincoln.
For your next customer,
I’d thought I’d break out
the ole English accent.
’Ello, luv!
- Sweet!
No way my sisters are gonna
be able to compete with me.
- I wouldn’t be
so sure.
Looks like they’ve got
some game too.
- Exotic reptiles
for sale!
[chomp]
- Ah-ah-ah!
- Snakebite kits
for sale!
- Sold!
- Candles, cobwebs,
cauldrons.
- Rubbish!
- Free psychic reading
with every purchase.
- Free?
Well, now you’re speaking my
language, little psychic girl.
What’s your cheapest item?
- And now I’ll look
into your future.
Hmm.
Business will be booming.
- [chortling]
- Expired chemicals!
Buy one,
get one free!
- Ooh, did I hear
"free"?
- [babbling]
- New paint job,
space galore,
and it comes with
its own clicky thingy.
- You’re really
selling this?
- Hello!
It’s a garage sale.
- Eh, so they made
some sales.
My victory dance and I
aren’t worried.
- Wow, you’re handling
being in last place
better than I thought.
- Last place?
How has Lily sold $20
worth of stuff?
What am I doing
wrong?
[toy squeaks]
- Please be my...
[distorted] Friend.
- [screams]
- Uh, maybe I need
to upgrade the merchandise.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- And one, and two,
and three...
Come on now,
girls!
♪ ♪
- [grunts]
♪ ♪
Your mom’s
wedding dress?
- Eh, she never
wears it.
Let’s make some sales.
Can I see $60?
I see $60.
Sold to the mustachioed man
in the bandana.
Start the bidding
at $300.
We got $300, $400.
We got $500!
Sold to the man
in the blue jean tuxedo!
- Lincoln!
What are you doing?
This stuff
isn’t even yours.
- So?
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[all chattering indistinctly]
♪ ♪
- Lincoln, you only have
one minute until 5:00 p.m.,
and you’re $4
out of first place.
♪ ♪
[cash register clangs]
- That’s a wrap,
kids!
Goulash is served
in ten!
- Yes!
My losing streak is over!
Now feast your eyes
on my caboose,
’cause it’s leaving
the station!
[baby crying]
- Someone give Lily
her blankie!
- I don’t know
where it is!
- Oh, no,
where could it be?
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Oh, no!
We must have sold it!
- Yeah, yeah, very sad.
Now if you don’t mind,
I’m about to do
my victory dance.
- [wailing]
[babbling shrilly]
- [sighs]
Oh, never mind.
I’m sorry, Lily.
I guess we all got a little too
caught up in our competition.
all: We’re sorry,
Lily.
- Sorry.
- So your big brother is going
to put the competition aside
and go find your blanket.
- Oh, no!
You’re not going to be
the hero.
I’m going to find
that blankie!
- Not if I find it
first!
- I am finding
that blanket.
[all chattering indistinctly]
- The victory dance
shall be mine!
[knocks]
- Hello, ma’am.
[grunts]
- Did you buy
a blanket--ah!
- From a garage sale
today?
- I didn’t buy
a blanket,
but I did buy
this hunk of junk.
[vacuum whirs and booms]
I want my money back.
both: Uh, she sold it to you.
- I’m getting
that blankie first!
Sir, sir!
Weren’t you
at our garage sale today?
- If you want to win,
you need a can-do attitude.
[laughing]
- Beat it, Lynn.
This is my house!
- No way!
That blanket is mine!
[both pound]
[upbeat rock music]
[dog growling]
- Whoops. Wrong house.
[dog barking,
both yelling]
- Hmm, I think I did
buy a blanket.
Why don’t you
come in?
- First to spot
the blanket
gets the blanket.
- It’s so nice
to have visitors.
Would you like to see
my collection of bingo ribbons?
- I win!
I found the blanket
in that house right there!
- That’s not a house.
That’s a restaurant.
- Order number six!
- And you’re holding
a napkin.
- Dang it.
- B-14.
Anybody? B-14.
- This woman does not
have the blanket.
Let’s get
out of here.
- Are you kidding?
One more number,
and I’ve got a bingo!
Spin it, sister!
♪ ♪
- Excuse me, ma’am.
Have you seen this blanket?
How about you?
Aha! Where
did you get this?
- [crying]
[smack]
- [yelling]
[clattering]
Lily’s blankie!
Hey, Flip,
you were at our garage sale
today, weren’t you?
- I don’t know, chief.
Maybe.
I go to a lot
of garage sales.
- I need to buy that blanket
back from you.
- No can do.
This blanket’s
working for me.
Really gets
the bird poop off.
- Please!
It’s important!
- Maybe we can do
business,
but it’s gonna
cost ya!
- [crying]
- Be right there, sweetie!
- Good news, Lily.
I found your blanket!
- No, you didn’t,
’cause I have it!
- Please.
I’ve got it right here.
- I’ve got it!
- No, I do!
- This is Lily’s
blanket.
- You guys,
I’m pretty sure
this is the right one.
I had to give Flip
all my garage sale money for it.
- I gave Flip all my money
for this one!
- Me too!
- So did I!
- And me!
- I even game him
my bingo ribbon.
- I bought a blanket
from Flip too!
- Uh, that’s
a welcome mat, dude.
- Dang it.
- I can’t believe this.
Flip fooled us all.
- Ugh, that
gasoline-selling swindler!
- Here you go,
sweetie.
Still hot from the dryer.
- [cooing]
- Are you literally
joking right now?
It’s been here
all along?
- What happened
to our furniture?
- Uh, see...
we kind of got caught up
in a competition.
- Yeah, and we kind of
sold everything.
- Well, you’re all
kind of grounded.
- We deserve it.
And believe me.
We’ve learned
our lesson.
No more competing.
- Yeah, seriously.
- Done and done!
- So over it!
- It’s too bad,
’cause I had a victory dance
that would put
all of you to shame.
- Psh.
I doubt that!
- The chances are slim.
- Oh, yeah?
All aboard!
Woot! Woot!
This caboose
is leaving the station!
Go, Lincoln!
Best butt shake!
Choo-choo!
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah!
Best butt shake!
- You call that
a victory dance?
Go, Lana! Go, Lana!
Uh, uh, uh.
- Mine’s better!
[grunting]
- Why do you even
have a butt,
if that’s all
you’re gonna do with it?
all: Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Kids!
Please!
This is how you do
a victory dance!
Uh-huh! Go, Mom!
Shake that booty!
- Ha!
Give me a break!
Get a load of the goulash
shakedown!
Go, Dad!
- Go, Mom!
- Shake it down now!
- Mm-hmm, oh, yeah!
- Well, now you know
where we get it from.
As they say,
the nuts don’t fall
too far from the tree.
Oh! Uh-hmm, mm-hmm.
Go, Lincoln!
Go, Lincoln!
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
[liquid plops]
- I’m loving these
two-for-one chemicals.
I’m going to make
a fortune
selling them
as windshield wiper fluid!
[chortles]
Suckers!
[plop,
explosion booms]
Well, the little psychic girl
was right.
Business is booming.