The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 19 - Morgan Freeman/Ruth Wilson/Sean Murray - full transcript
Morgan Freeman (Momentum (2015)); Ruth Wilson (The Affair (2014)); Hello Games co-founder Sean Murray.
And now, a "late show"
exclusive.
Stephen colberts interview of
Chris wallaces interview of
president trumpch.
Stephen: Mr. President,
thank you for sitting down with
me.
I think im doing a great job.
Stephen: Well you are
sitting down, so, yes, in that
respect, you nailed it.
Now, you just appointed Matthew
Whitaker as your acting attorney
general.
Hes a very smart person.
Stephen: That is debatable
because he was on the board of a
company that believes sasquatch
is real.
Do you believe sasquatch exists.
100%.
Stephen: So would you
appoint big foot to your
cabinet, maybe have him replace
John Kelly as your
commander-in-chief of staff?
Probably.
Stephen: You know hes a
mythical April creature, right?
Lets see what happens.
I have three or four or five
positions imty hing about.
Of that, maybe its going to end
up being two.
But I need flexibility.
Stephen: Now, recently, you
had to answer some written
questions from Robert Mueller.
Its not a big deal.
Stephen: Great.
But im going to ask you a
couple more.
How would you describe Vladimir
putin?
A perfect little wonderful
innocent angel...
Stephen: And how would you
describe your marriage to
melania?
The whole thing is a scam.
Stephen: Final question,
what grade would you give your
presidency so far?
I hate to do it but I will do
it.
I will give myself an a-plus.
Is that enough?
Can I go higher than that?
Stephen: No, because if you
think you deserve an a-plus, you
could not be higher.
Announcer: Its the "the
late show with Stephen Colbert."
Tonight, Stephen welcomes mill
mill, Anthony salvanto, and
musical guest Josh groban,
featuring Jon batiste and "stay
human."
And now, live on tape from the
ed Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
( Theme song playing )
Stephen: Hello!
Whoo!
Have a seat.
Jon, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome!
Stephen: Welcome to "the
late show."
Im Stephen Colbert.
You know the holidays are coming
up, and its a time when I have
trouble with impulse control
because if you put gravy on it,
I dont care what goes in my
mouth.
( Laughter )
The presidents a little
different.
He doesnt care what comes out
of his mouth.
( Laughter )
Case in point: Yesterday, he
went after admiral bill mcraven,
the commander who oversaw the
killing of osama bin laden and
the capture of Saddam Hussein.
That is a hell of a resume.
Special skills: Captured more
villains than the Batman.
( Cheers and applause )
Mcraven has been critical of
Trump, and yesterday on fox news
Sunday, Chris Wallace asked the
president about it.
Bill mcraven, retired
admiral, Navy seal, 37 years,
former head of U.S. special
operations...
Hillary Clinton fan.
Special operation...
Excuse me, Hillary Clinton
fan.
Who led the operations
commanded the operations that
took down Saddam Hussein and
that killed osama bin laden,
says that your sentiment is the
greatest threat to democracy
in his life.
Okay, hes a Hillary Clinton
backer and an Obama backer and
frankly...
Hes a Navy seal.
Would it have been nicer if
we got osama bin laden a lot
sooner than that, wouldnt it
been nice?
( Audience reacts )
Stephen: (As Trump) "No,
hold on a second here.
They only killed him once.
If it was up to me, I would have
killed him many more times.
And much deader.
No ones seen this kind of dead.
I know all the deadest people ."
( Laughter )
Jon: Wow
( cheers and applause )
Stephen: They dont always
tickle me that much.
Admiral mcraven responded, "I
did not back Hillary Clinton or
anyone else.
I am a fan of President Obama
and President George W. Bush,
both of whom I worked for.
I admire all presidents
regardless of their political
party, who uphold the dignity of
the office and who use that
office to bring the nation
together in challenging times."
Aw, snap!
You just got seal team dissed.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Hey!
But today, Trump doubled down on
his second guessing:
"Of course we should have
captured osama bin laden long
before we did.
I pointed him out in my book
just before the attack on the
world trade center.
President Clinton famously
missed his shot.
We paid Pakistan billions of
dollars and they never told us
he was living there.
Fools!
Dot-dot..."
( Laughter )
Yes, its always the good guy
shouting "fools!"
( Laughter )
Jon: Yeah, thats right.
( Applause )
Stephen: Oh, those fools,
they said I was insane, but I
will show them whos insane when
I sow that chimp head on to a
duck.
( Laughter )
And Trump did mention a dire
threat in his book "the America
we deserve."
Its right there on
the cover: Donald Trump.
Trump explained to Wallace that
he is humble enough to admit his
mistakes, like not visiting that
French cemetery:
I dont mind getting bad news
if im wrong.
If I do something wrong, like,
for instance, the cemetery.
I was not allowed to go because
of the secret service.
Stephen: Yes, Trump is
willing to take the blame, hes
just never to blame.
Its like the famous sign on
trumans desk.
"The buck would stop here, but
the secret service wouldnt let
it."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Give em hell, Harry!
If the secret service lets you
give them hell.
At one point, Chris Wallace
asked Trump a dangerous
question.
Can you envision a situation
well into your second term where
you think youre so good for the
country and so essential to the
progress of the country that you
would try to amend the
constitution so you could serve
a third term?
Stephen: Chris, what are you
doing!?
( Laughter )
( Applause )
Ixnay on the esident-pray for
ife-lay.
( Laughter )
Trump said hes not going to do
it, and we know he never lies.
Jon: Mm-hmm, yeah.
Stephen: Wallace then moved
on to trumps
acting Attorney General, Matt
Whitaker, and his history of
criticizing the Russia
investigation.
Did you know, before you
appointed him, that he had that
record and was so critical of
Robert Mueller?
I did not know that.
I did not know he took views on
the Mueller investigation as
such.
Stephen: If he didnt know
about his views on the
Mueller investigation, why did
he hire him?
(As Trump)
"Look, we need a new attorney
general... get that "masculine
toilet" guy!
( Laughter )
At my age, every time I sit
down, the whole golf bag ends up
in the water trap, if you catch
my drift.
( Audience reacts )
Ooh, hes a lawyer too?"
Thats just gravy.
Jon: Needs medical
attention.
( Laughter )
Stephen: Besides, Trump
says hes
cooperating with the special
counsels office.
Your team is preparing
written answers to questions
about...
No, no, no, not my team.
Im preparing written answers.
My... I... im the one that does
the answering.
Stephen: Its true.
And we have one of his written
answers right here:
"No colushun, Bob!
For a good time, call vlad.
Space force!"
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
( Laughter )
Theres one person who doesnt
believe trumps appointment of
Whitaker was accidental: The
next house intelligence
committee chair, and man whod
mistakenly thought his
temperature would be taken
orally, Adam schiff.
( Laughter )
Congressman schiff
said publicly that Trump
installed Whitaker to hobble
muellers investigation.
So Trump responded in a measured
tone:
"So funny to see little Adam
schitt talking about the fact
that acting Attorney General
Matt Whitaker was not approved
by the senate, but not
mentioning the fact that Bob
Mueller... who is highly
conflicted... was not approved by
the senate!"
Yes, because the special counsel
doesnt require senate approval,
unlike the Attorney General.
You cant just use senate
confirmation to discredit anyone
youve decided you want to get
rid of.
( Cheers and applause )
(As Trump)
"Sorry, melania.
You were never confirmed by the
senate.
( Laughter )
Your appointment is null and
void.
My new wife is Tom Brady."
Hes gonna sail through.
But lets not gloss over the
fact that the president referred
to a congressman as "little Adam
schitt."
Ugh, what a miserable piece of
schiff.
Now, for the record, according
to network rules, I am only
allowed to say that word when
the presidents tweet appears
on-screen.
Like so, at which point I can
totally say it.
Am I going to take advantage of
that opportunity?
Is Adam schitt in the woods?
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Got to!
Got to!
Got to!
I just explained it.
( Piano riff )
This is a new high in low even
for Trump, so when it first
appeared, "commentators werent
sure if they were looking at a
typo or an insult."
Its so hard to tell, usually
when Trump makes mistakes he
either deletes them or hosts a
TV show with them.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Thank you.
The president writing schoolyard
taunts seems shocking, but lets
not forgot when George
Washington wrote, "these
federalist papers can bite my
wooden balls.
More like Alexander cameltoe, if
you ask me."
( Laughter )
Alexander cameltoe, whats my
name!
Wooden balls, the carpet matched
the teeth.
( Laughter )
Over the weekend, Trump visited
the areas devastated by wildfire
in California.
In the face of unimaginable
tragedy, the president was
consistent.
In the fire-ravaged town of
paradise, California, he said
this:
You dont see whats going on
until you come here.
And what we saw at pleasure...
What a name right now.
But what we just saw, we just
left pleasure...
Paradise.
Or paradise.
And what we just saw at paradise
is just, you know, is just not
acceptable.
Stephen: Pleasure,
paradise... its easy to get
them mixed up.
Just remember, Mr. President
"pleasure" is the dancer,
"paradise" is where she works.
( Audience reacts )
( Cheers and applause )
Trump also refused to
acknowledge that climate change
might be causing these fires.
Will seeing this devastation
change your opinion at all on
climate change mr president?
No, no, I have a strong
opinion.
I want great climate.
( Laughter )
Stephen: You want learn
grammar.
( Laughter )
I want new president.
( Cheers and applause )
Trump has claimed many times
that californias wild fires are
caused by poor forest
management, and he did it again.
Im committed to make sure we
get all of this cleaned out and
protected.
Got to take care off the
floors... you know the floors of
the forest.
Very important.
You look at other countries
where they do it differently and
its a whole different story.
I was with the president of
Finland and he said, "we have a
much different... we are a forest
nation."
He called it a forest nation and
they spent a lot of time on
raking and cleaning and doing
things and they dont have any
problem.
Stephen: You know what
Finland also spends a lot of
time doing?
Being covered in snow because
its right below the arctic
circle!
The same reason you dont have a
smoke
detector inside of your
freezer!
( Laughter )
When asked about it, finlands
president said he wasnt sure
whether he got the idea that
raking is part of the routine
for panging its forests.
Clearly the president has just
resorted to making up advice
from world leaders.
(As Trump)
"I was speaking to the supreme
imperial viking of Norway the
other day, his name is Arthur
Norway.
( Laughter )
And he said so many times they
prevent fires by moisturizing
the trees.
( Laughter )
And you know thats why they
look so young... most of the
nivea in Norway goes straight to
their forests.
( Laughter )
No, this is true.
Thats what the song Norwegian
wood is about.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Weve got a great show for you
tonight!
Mill mill I Millie Bobby brown I
here, but when we return,
melania Trump!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
"stay human," everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
( Singing )
Jon, im pretty excited.
One of my favorite guests will
be here tonight.
Millie Bobby brown is going to
be right there!
Shes fantastic.
Shes fantastic.
You know whats got me excited,
Jon?
Jon: Whats that?
Stephen: You know "whose
boat is this boat?" Right here,
which are comments that dont
help in the aftermath of a
hurricane, written by Donald j.
Trump by accident.
Are we number one right now?
I think were number two right
now because first lady Michelle
Obama, her book, "becoming" her
new book is number one right
now.
But thats fine.
Jon: Okay, I like that.
Stephen: You know why
thats fine?
Jon: Why.
Stephen: Because on this
show, November 30, Michelle
Obama will be joining us right
there.
( Cheers and applause )
Jon: Oh, man!
Thats going to be a good time!
Shes amazing!
Stephen: Always fun and
well have the battle of the
books that night.
Jon: Yeah.
Stephen: Speaking of first
ladies, it
turns out melania Trump may have
more power in the White House
than we previously thought,
because last week she called for
the removal of deputy national
security adviser and woman
dominating this staring contest,
Mira ricardel.
And while previous first ladies
have called for staffing changes
in private, melania made hers
very public.
Her communications director
released a statement saying "it
is the position of the office of
the first lady that she no
longer deserves the honor
of serving in this White House."
Thats very formal.
It was followed by an engraved
invitation to kiss my ass.
( Laughter )
After the statement, ricardel
was removed from her job in the
White House.
And while most people were
surprised by the first ladys
bold move, one person close to
her was not, saying "she can be
a knife fighter.
Shes a Trump after all."
Not entirely fair.
They dont let Eric near sharp
objects.
( Laughter )
( Piano riff )
Well, before we judge, I think
we should hear the first ladys
side.
Joining us for an exclusive
interview, live from the white
house, please welcome melania
Trump!
( Cheers and applause )
Good to see you.
All right.
Hello, Stephen!
Stephen: Madame first lady,
thank you for joining us!
And also, happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you!
I look forward to the annual
pardoning of the turkeys.
The only ones in the White House
who wont be going to jail.
(Rimshot)
Stephen: Good to see you
have your own drum player in the
White House.
Its the whole marine corps
band, actually.
Theyre all here.
Stephen: Well, I have to ask
about Mira ricardel.
Why did you call for her to be
fired from the White House?
She was lying, she was petty,
she was vindictive... and weve
already got all of that covered.
So...
( Laughter )
Stephen: Okay, now some
people are saying that asking
for her to be fired via press
release was a tad insensitive.
They are?
Awww, no.
Stephen, you know me.
You know me...
( Laughter )
All I want is to end bullying,
and if you disagree with that...
I will crush you like a tiny bug
underneath my stilettos.
( Laughter )
Crunch.
Lau( Laughter ) Mmm!
Stephen: But isnt this
something you should have
handled with your husband in
private?
Oh, Stephen, I havent
handled my husbands privates in
years.
(Rimshot)
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: This is a side of
the public... the public hasnt
seen this side of you before.
But ( Bleep ).
Stephen, are you okay?
Stephen: No!
Im not okay!
This entire thing is very
upsetting.
Oh!
Stephen: This is a side of
you the public hasnt seen
before.
Before, but your friends arent
surprised, one of them even
called you a "knife fighter."
No, Stephen.
You know me:
I am just an innocent, little
first lady.
I am only called on for
harmless, ceremonial duties.
Like the carving of the white
house Turkey.
Stephen: Oh, I didnt know
there was a ceremony for that.
There isnt.
"Turkey" is my nickname for John
Kelly.
Stephen: Youve made the
administration look bad.
It is true.
Ive issued a new statement, it
is position of the office of the
first lady that melania Trump no
longer edeserves to they the
White House.
Fire me, next, Donald!
Please!
Let me out!
Stephen: Melania Trump,
everybody!
Well be right back with Millie
Bobby brown.
( Cheers and applause )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Hey, everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Lovely.
Folks, you know my first
guest tonight from her role as
eleven on the hit show,
"stranger things."
Please welcome back to "the late
show," Millie Bobby brown!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Hi.
Oh, my god.
Stephen: Its so good to
see you again.
Its so good to see you, too.
Stephen: How have you been?
I have been good.
Stephen: Busy.
I have been really busy, so
its nice to come back home.
Yeah.
Stephen: Good.
The last time we saw you, which
was a little more than a year
ago.
I was so young.
Stephen: You were so young.
You are crowned with many
winters now.
Since then, youve become the
youngest person ever on the time
100 list, wrapped the feature
film of Godzilla, monsters.
Shot season three of "stranger
things," and this one... this is
the one that really interests
me, which is youve become the
youngest unicef good will
ambassador.
( Cheers and applause )
Youve got the shirt.
So, first of all, youre making
us look bad by being so
productive.
So do you have time to hang and
just be?
Yeah.
I dont have many friends,
Stephen.
I like my family.
My family are my friends.
Stephen: Thats nice.
I have three best friends
that I love and adore and, you
know, everyone... you know, pi
family, my close friends,
special people in my life, I
feel like, you know, thats just
the most important thing to me,
and I think, you know, one thing
I like to do is I love to do
normal things.
Stephen: What is normal?
Go to this, like, grocery
store, you know.
Stephen: Thats very
normal.
Like, today, I walked through
New York and I just felt so
normal.
Its great.
Nobody asked for... actually,
no, they did.
Thats a lie.
Somebody did, but I was, like,
okay, its really quiet.
And I carried on and it felt
great.
I loved going to the
supermarket.
I was trying to look for my
favorite cereal cook yi crisp.
Stephen: Sure, quality
cereal.
Most of the moms post about
this on grams, Millie should not
be eating cookie crisp.
No, its likely good.
I recommend it.
Stephen: Doctors say it
gives you your recommended daily
allowance of cookie and crisp.
And it has a little crisp.
Yeah, so I went in there the
other day and I was buying it
and I had, you know, like, five
boxes and I was like, boom!
And the woman was, like... and I
was, like, hi.
Stephen: She recognized you
were Millie Bobby brown.
You said that so quickly,
Millie Bobby brown!
Stephen: Its a fun name to
say, Millie Bobby brown Millie
Bobby brown!
Millie Bobby brown!
( Laughter )
Anyway, shes scanning and
saist, what are you doing here?
I said what are you doing here?
She said, you know, youre
famous.
And I said, no, the girls got
to get some cookie crisp.
I have to eat.
Stephen: Youre at the
beginning of fame.
Later when youre most famous,
you just exist on applause!
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Thank you.
( ( Audience chanting )
Stephen: Please, please!
Im all full.
( Laughter )
Let me ask you about "stranger
things."
Okay.
Stephen: I know you cant
tell me about season three.
No.
Stephen: But can you clear
up some stuff about the...
Oh, god.
Stephen:... this photo
worried a lot of people.
You grammed this photo right
here and you scared some people
with this.
Is this the tear of, like, the
show is over or...
No, everybody is...
( Laughter )
No, im just a very emotional
person.
When it comes to my closest
people, im not good at
goodbyes.
Stephen: This is the last
day to have the season?
Of the season, not the show.
The season.
In effect called me after this
and said, cant say anything,
im, like, okay, got it
( Laughter )
Stephen: Wouldnt you be
sad?
My nose gets really red when
I cry.
I was really crying.
Thats real tears.
So, basically, what happened
was, right, im a very emotional
person.
I cant say goodbye to people,
it give me serious sadness and
anside.
When I said goodbye to my best
friend Sadie, I broke down.
And catering is a tough one.
Stephen: Catering?
Yes.
Stephen: Saying goodbye to
people who do the catering?
Yes, saying goodbye to people
who make my food.
Seriously.
Thats the people I live off of,
quite literally.
Stephen: Again, when youre
more famous you dont need any
food.
( Laughter )
Very nice of you.
Its an emotional time.
Stephen: Can I ask you
about the unicef thing?
Yeah, go ahead.
Stephen: On the lighter
note lets talk about the united
nations international childrens
emergency relief fund.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
What are your responsibilities?
How are you using this platform
to do something good for the
children?
Well, first of all, this is a
big deal for me not only because
first of all im being honored.
The newest and youngest unicef
good will ambassador.
Im the youngest, because im a
kid, im a child, its very easy
to talk about certain subjects
about unicef just because I feel
very passionate about it and,
you know, advocating for
childrens rights and making
sure that every child knows that
they have rights and just kind
of being a part of such an
amazing organization that let me
vocalize on subjects that, you
know, some people silence me on.
Its an important thing for me.
Stephen: Whos tried to
silence you?
Well, you know, sometimes
its just, like, dont mention
that.
Im, like, you know what?
Im going to do.
And unicef gave me that voice.
Stephen: Love your nails.
Thank you so much.
Stephen: Would you do me a
favor?
We have a bit of an issue.
You aint wearing blue, and im
wearing blue.
So im going to have to paint
the nails blue.
( Cheering )
Right, which hand?
Because apparently...
Stephen: I think that one.
Really?
Why?
Why not the other one?
Because its all torn up,
this one.
Im exposing him.
Stephen: Yeah, also, I
dont want to disappoint the
ladies by showing my wedding
ring.
Absolutely not.
( Cheers and applause )
So how is your wife?
I saw her at the emmys.
Stephen: My wife is
absolutely lovely in every way.
I love her so much.
Stephen: Yeah, shes
absolutely delightful.
Shes great.
Stephen: That is... yeah.
Look at that.
Anyway, ive got a quick
question to ask you.
Stephen: Ive got a
question for you, too, because
it is my show.
( Laughter )
How do you feel that the
spice girls have gotten back
together?
Because I cried.
Stephen: I did not cry.
I was interested when I found
out, but I did not cry when I
heard about the spice girls.
Oh.
Stephen: You really are
that excited about the spice
girls?
I think they have been broken up
longer than you have been alive.
( Laughter )
I dont think you shared the
planet with a fully formed
original spice girls.
( Laughter )
The thing, is right, age
aint nothing but a number.
Stephen: Ive heard that.
So true.
Youre very good at that.
Thank you.
I actually took online courses
to paint nails.
Stephen: Really?
Yeah, I was bored.
Stephen: Thats very
normal.
Which spice girl is your
favorite spice girl?
Well, two different
questions, really, because what
spice girl am I?
Im posh.
But what do I want to be?
Scary.
Stephen: Really?
Yeah.
Stephen: What are you?
What am I?
Im fairly sure that im ginger.
( Laughter )
Im ginger spice because she was
the first one to quit the band.
She was the first one to leave.
She got a social conscience and
everything, so I admired that in
her.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: World childrens
day is tomorrow!
Millie Bobby brown, everybody!
Well be right back with Anthony
salvanto!
Stick around!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Welcome back!
My next guest oversees all
polling for CBS news and is here
to help us make sense of what
happened on election night.
Please welcome, Anthony
salvanto!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Good to have you on.
Thank you for having me.
Stephen: I am familiar with
your work.
I never miss "face the nation"
on Sundays, and you did a long
study of voters all over the
2018 election to see how people
were shifting around.
Were you surprised at all about
the results of the 2018
election?
No, I think we saw a lot of
this coming, you know, but I
think the key was to try to
explain it.
You know, before the election,
we put out what would happen if
a lot of people turned out and
sure enough they did.
Stephen: Was that one of
the things that was predicted
that a lot of people would turn
out?
Predicted is a tricky word
for poll sphears.
We try to explain things.
Stephen: Was it expected?
People said they were going
to show up.
Stephen: Do people tell the
truth?
( Laughter )
Yes, they do, actually.
Yes, at a do.
People ask me that all the time.
Do people lie to pollsters, do
they admit who theyre voting
for?
And I always say why would you
bother to spend 15 minutes on
the phone with me, with folks
just to lie, to make stuff up?
Stephen: Well, to feel
important.
Well, maybe.
But I think what really happens
is they might say theyre going
to turn out, they might mean
theyre going to turn out but
things get in the way.
This year, we saw people were
motivated, people said they
thought this election was as or
more important than a
presidential year, right, so
they did actually turn out.
You got 16 percent of the
electorate said they never voted
in a medterm before.
We have half of the electorate
actually showing up, and that
was one of the keys.
Stephen: What happen that
was surprising?
We expected the house to go this
way and the senate to go that
way.
What happened that no one saw?
I think that that size was
probably a little high than
people thought.
I think the size to have the
Democratic gains were probably a
little higher.
You get out to Southern
California, a traditionally
republican place...
Stephen: Orange county,
first time since 1935 or
something, its all blue.
Yep, all blue.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
And I think that a lot of people
doubted whether young people
would show up, whether those
people who hadnt voted in the
midterms would show up and, in
fact, they did.
The pollsters job is to explain
what happened.
You showed this about the
emotions people were feeling,
right, we were tracking all
along people saying how would
you feel if the other side won?
They would be angry.
Like it or not, that was
motivating to people, it was
getting people out.
And the other part was the
president, he wasnt on the
ballot but on peoples minds in
historic numbers, for and
against.
People say they were coming out
to support or oppose the
president.
Stephen: He said, imagine
im on the ballot, and when they
lost, he said, I wasnt on the
ballot.
It was the highest level
weve seen in the exit polls for
people saying the president was
on their minds, definitely a big
factor.
Stephen: You have a new
book here, "where did you get
this number: A pollsters guide
to making sense of the world."
Who are the hardest group to pin
down about what they really
think?
Young people are hard to poll.
Stephen: Theres no mention
of them though.
They have other things on
their mind, not necessarily
engaged in politics, busy, might
not be at home to pick up the
phone.
Even though we do a lot of
polling and interviewing on the
line, you have to remind them to
take it.
So that part is going on.
And, look.
Its become hard.
We keep on doing it till we get
the microcosm of America.
Thats what a poll sample is.
Stephen: The man knows what
youre thinking and why youre
thinking it.
The book is "where did you get
this number," available right
now.
Anthony salvanto, everybody.
Well be right back with a
performance by Josh groban!
( Cheers and applause )
(Cheers and applause
)
Stephen: Coming from a sold
out Madison square garden show
last night and now performing
Billy joels classic, "shes
always a woman" ladies and
gentlemen, Josh groban!
(Cheers and applause
)
♪ ♪
♪ she can kill with a smile
she can wound with her eyes
♪ she can ruin your faith
with her casual lies
♪ and she only reveals
what she wants you to see
♪ she hides like a child
but shes always a woman to me
♪ she can lead you to love
she can take you or leave you
♪ she can ask for the truth
but shell never believe you
♪ and shell take what
you give her
♪ as long as its free
yeah she steals like a thief
♪ but shes always a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ she can wait if she wants
shes ahead of her time
♪ oh, she never gives out
and she never gives in
♪ she just changes her mind
and shell promise you more
♪ than the garden of Eden
then shell carelessly cut you
♪ and laugh while
youre bleeding
♪ but she brings out the best
and the worst you can be
♪ blame it all on yourself
cause shes always
♪ a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ she can wait if she wants
shes ahead of her time
♪ oh, she never gives out
and she never gives in
♪ she just changes her mind
she is frequently kind
♪ and shes suddenly cruel
she can do as she pleases
♪ shes nobodys fool
but she cant be convicted
♪ shes earned her degree
and the most she will do
♪ is throw shadows at you
but shes always a woman to me ♪
♪ oh
but shes always a woman to me ♪
♪ oh
ooh (cheers and applause
)
Ooh (cheers and applause
)
Stephen: Thank you, Josh.
His album, "Bridges" is out now.
Josh groban, everybody!
Well be right back.
Stephen: Thats it for "the
late show."
Tune in tomorrow when my guests
will be Michael Douglas, senator
Ben sasse, and chef Jose Andres.
Now stick around for James
corden.
Good night!
Captioning sponsored by CBS
captioned by
exclusive.
Stephen colberts interview of
Chris wallaces interview of
president trumpch.
Stephen: Mr. President,
thank you for sitting down with
me.
I think im doing a great job.
Stephen: Well you are
sitting down, so, yes, in that
respect, you nailed it.
Now, you just appointed Matthew
Whitaker as your acting attorney
general.
Hes a very smart person.
Stephen: That is debatable
because he was on the board of a
company that believes sasquatch
is real.
Do you believe sasquatch exists.
100%.
Stephen: So would you
appoint big foot to your
cabinet, maybe have him replace
John Kelly as your
commander-in-chief of staff?
Probably.
Stephen: You know hes a
mythical April creature, right?
Lets see what happens.
I have three or four or five
positions imty hing about.
Of that, maybe its going to end
up being two.
But I need flexibility.
Stephen: Now, recently, you
had to answer some written
questions from Robert Mueller.
Its not a big deal.
Stephen: Great.
But im going to ask you a
couple more.
How would you describe Vladimir
putin?
A perfect little wonderful
innocent angel...
Stephen: And how would you
describe your marriage to
melania?
The whole thing is a scam.
Stephen: Final question,
what grade would you give your
presidency so far?
I hate to do it but I will do
it.
I will give myself an a-plus.
Is that enough?
Can I go higher than that?
Stephen: No, because if you
think you deserve an a-plus, you
could not be higher.
Announcer: Its the "the
late show with Stephen Colbert."
Tonight, Stephen welcomes mill
mill, Anthony salvanto, and
musical guest Josh groban,
featuring Jon batiste and "stay
human."
And now, live on tape from the
ed Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
( Theme song playing )
Stephen: Hello!
Whoo!
Have a seat.
Jon, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome!
Stephen: Welcome to "the
late show."
Im Stephen Colbert.
You know the holidays are coming
up, and its a time when I have
trouble with impulse control
because if you put gravy on it,
I dont care what goes in my
mouth.
( Laughter )
The presidents a little
different.
He doesnt care what comes out
of his mouth.
( Laughter )
Case in point: Yesterday, he
went after admiral bill mcraven,
the commander who oversaw the
killing of osama bin laden and
the capture of Saddam Hussein.
That is a hell of a resume.
Special skills: Captured more
villains than the Batman.
( Cheers and applause )
Mcraven has been critical of
Trump, and yesterday on fox news
Sunday, Chris Wallace asked the
president about it.
Bill mcraven, retired
admiral, Navy seal, 37 years,
former head of U.S. special
operations...
Hillary Clinton fan.
Special operation...
Excuse me, Hillary Clinton
fan.
Who led the operations
commanded the operations that
took down Saddam Hussein and
that killed osama bin laden,
says that your sentiment is the
greatest threat to democracy
in his life.
Okay, hes a Hillary Clinton
backer and an Obama backer and
frankly...
Hes a Navy seal.
Would it have been nicer if
we got osama bin laden a lot
sooner than that, wouldnt it
been nice?
( Audience reacts )
Stephen: (As Trump) "No,
hold on a second here.
They only killed him once.
If it was up to me, I would have
killed him many more times.
And much deader.
No ones seen this kind of dead.
I know all the deadest people ."
( Laughter )
Jon: Wow
( cheers and applause )
Stephen: They dont always
tickle me that much.
Admiral mcraven responded, "I
did not back Hillary Clinton or
anyone else.
I am a fan of President Obama
and President George W. Bush,
both of whom I worked for.
I admire all presidents
regardless of their political
party, who uphold the dignity of
the office and who use that
office to bring the nation
together in challenging times."
Aw, snap!
You just got seal team dissed.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Hey!
But today, Trump doubled down on
his second guessing:
"Of course we should have
captured osama bin laden long
before we did.
I pointed him out in my book
just before the attack on the
world trade center.
President Clinton famously
missed his shot.
We paid Pakistan billions of
dollars and they never told us
he was living there.
Fools!
Dot-dot..."
( Laughter )
Yes, its always the good guy
shouting "fools!"
( Laughter )
Jon: Yeah, thats right.
( Applause )
Stephen: Oh, those fools,
they said I was insane, but I
will show them whos insane when
I sow that chimp head on to a
duck.
( Laughter )
And Trump did mention a dire
threat in his book "the America
we deserve."
Its right there on
the cover: Donald Trump.
Trump explained to Wallace that
he is humble enough to admit his
mistakes, like not visiting that
French cemetery:
I dont mind getting bad news
if im wrong.
If I do something wrong, like,
for instance, the cemetery.
I was not allowed to go because
of the secret service.
Stephen: Yes, Trump is
willing to take the blame, hes
just never to blame.
Its like the famous sign on
trumans desk.
"The buck would stop here, but
the secret service wouldnt let
it."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Give em hell, Harry!
If the secret service lets you
give them hell.
At one point, Chris Wallace
asked Trump a dangerous
question.
Can you envision a situation
well into your second term where
you think youre so good for the
country and so essential to the
progress of the country that you
would try to amend the
constitution so you could serve
a third term?
Stephen: Chris, what are you
doing!?
( Laughter )
( Applause )
Ixnay on the esident-pray for
ife-lay.
( Laughter )
Trump said hes not going to do
it, and we know he never lies.
Jon: Mm-hmm, yeah.
Stephen: Wallace then moved
on to trumps
acting Attorney General, Matt
Whitaker, and his history of
criticizing the Russia
investigation.
Did you know, before you
appointed him, that he had that
record and was so critical of
Robert Mueller?
I did not know that.
I did not know he took views on
the Mueller investigation as
such.
Stephen: If he didnt know
about his views on the
Mueller investigation, why did
he hire him?
(As Trump)
"Look, we need a new attorney
general... get that "masculine
toilet" guy!
( Laughter )
At my age, every time I sit
down, the whole golf bag ends up
in the water trap, if you catch
my drift.
( Audience reacts )
Ooh, hes a lawyer too?"
Thats just gravy.
Jon: Needs medical
attention.
( Laughter )
Stephen: Besides, Trump
says hes
cooperating with the special
counsels office.
Your team is preparing
written answers to questions
about...
No, no, no, not my team.
Im preparing written answers.
My... I... im the one that does
the answering.
Stephen: Its true.
And we have one of his written
answers right here:
"No colushun, Bob!
For a good time, call vlad.
Space force!"
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
( Laughter )
Theres one person who doesnt
believe trumps appointment of
Whitaker was accidental: The
next house intelligence
committee chair, and man whod
mistakenly thought his
temperature would be taken
orally, Adam schiff.
( Laughter )
Congressman schiff
said publicly that Trump
installed Whitaker to hobble
muellers investigation.
So Trump responded in a measured
tone:
"So funny to see little Adam
schitt talking about the fact
that acting Attorney General
Matt Whitaker was not approved
by the senate, but not
mentioning the fact that Bob
Mueller... who is highly
conflicted... was not approved by
the senate!"
Yes, because the special counsel
doesnt require senate approval,
unlike the Attorney General.
You cant just use senate
confirmation to discredit anyone
youve decided you want to get
rid of.
( Cheers and applause )
(As Trump)
"Sorry, melania.
You were never confirmed by the
senate.
( Laughter )
Your appointment is null and
void.
My new wife is Tom Brady."
Hes gonna sail through.
But lets not gloss over the
fact that the president referred
to a congressman as "little Adam
schitt."
Ugh, what a miserable piece of
schiff.
Now, for the record, according
to network rules, I am only
allowed to say that word when
the presidents tweet appears
on-screen.
Like so, at which point I can
totally say it.
Am I going to take advantage of
that opportunity?
Is Adam schitt in the woods?
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Got to!
Got to!
Got to!
I just explained it.
( Piano riff )
This is a new high in low even
for Trump, so when it first
appeared, "commentators werent
sure if they were looking at a
typo or an insult."
Its so hard to tell, usually
when Trump makes mistakes he
either deletes them or hosts a
TV show with them.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Thank you.
The president writing schoolyard
taunts seems shocking, but lets
not forgot when George
Washington wrote, "these
federalist papers can bite my
wooden balls.
More like Alexander cameltoe, if
you ask me."
( Laughter )
Alexander cameltoe, whats my
name!
Wooden balls, the carpet matched
the teeth.
( Laughter )
Over the weekend, Trump visited
the areas devastated by wildfire
in California.
In the face of unimaginable
tragedy, the president was
consistent.
In the fire-ravaged town of
paradise, California, he said
this:
You dont see whats going on
until you come here.
And what we saw at pleasure...
What a name right now.
But what we just saw, we just
left pleasure...
Paradise.
Or paradise.
And what we just saw at paradise
is just, you know, is just not
acceptable.
Stephen: Pleasure,
paradise... its easy to get
them mixed up.
Just remember, Mr. President
"pleasure" is the dancer,
"paradise" is where she works.
( Audience reacts )
( Cheers and applause )
Trump also refused to
acknowledge that climate change
might be causing these fires.
Will seeing this devastation
change your opinion at all on
climate change mr president?
No, no, I have a strong
opinion.
I want great climate.
( Laughter )
Stephen: You want learn
grammar.
( Laughter )
I want new president.
( Cheers and applause )
Trump has claimed many times
that californias wild fires are
caused by poor forest
management, and he did it again.
Im committed to make sure we
get all of this cleaned out and
protected.
Got to take care off the
floors... you know the floors of
the forest.
Very important.
You look at other countries
where they do it differently and
its a whole different story.
I was with the president of
Finland and he said, "we have a
much different... we are a forest
nation."
He called it a forest nation and
they spent a lot of time on
raking and cleaning and doing
things and they dont have any
problem.
Stephen: You know what
Finland also spends a lot of
time doing?
Being covered in snow because
its right below the arctic
circle!
The same reason you dont have a
smoke
detector inside of your
freezer!
( Laughter )
When asked about it, finlands
president said he wasnt sure
whether he got the idea that
raking is part of the routine
for panging its forests.
Clearly the president has just
resorted to making up advice
from world leaders.
(As Trump)
"I was speaking to the supreme
imperial viking of Norway the
other day, his name is Arthur
Norway.
( Laughter )
And he said so many times they
prevent fires by moisturizing
the trees.
( Laughter )
And you know thats why they
look so young... most of the
nivea in Norway goes straight to
their forests.
( Laughter )
No, this is true.
Thats what the song Norwegian
wood is about.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Weve got a great show for you
tonight!
Mill mill I Millie Bobby brown I
here, but when we return,
melania Trump!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
"stay human," everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
( Singing )
Jon, im pretty excited.
One of my favorite guests will
be here tonight.
Millie Bobby brown is going to
be right there!
Shes fantastic.
Shes fantastic.
You know whats got me excited,
Jon?
Jon: Whats that?
Stephen: You know "whose
boat is this boat?" Right here,
which are comments that dont
help in the aftermath of a
hurricane, written by Donald j.
Trump by accident.
Are we number one right now?
I think were number two right
now because first lady Michelle
Obama, her book, "becoming" her
new book is number one right
now.
But thats fine.
Jon: Okay, I like that.
Stephen: You know why
thats fine?
Jon: Why.
Stephen: Because on this
show, November 30, Michelle
Obama will be joining us right
there.
( Cheers and applause )
Jon: Oh, man!
Thats going to be a good time!
Shes amazing!
Stephen: Always fun and
well have the battle of the
books that night.
Jon: Yeah.
Stephen: Speaking of first
ladies, it
turns out melania Trump may have
more power in the White House
than we previously thought,
because last week she called for
the removal of deputy national
security adviser and woman
dominating this staring contest,
Mira ricardel.
And while previous first ladies
have called for staffing changes
in private, melania made hers
very public.
Her communications director
released a statement saying "it
is the position of the office of
the first lady that she no
longer deserves the honor
of serving in this White House."
Thats very formal.
It was followed by an engraved
invitation to kiss my ass.
( Laughter )
After the statement, ricardel
was removed from her job in the
White House.
And while most people were
surprised by the first ladys
bold move, one person close to
her was not, saying "she can be
a knife fighter.
Shes a Trump after all."
Not entirely fair.
They dont let Eric near sharp
objects.
( Laughter )
( Piano riff )
Well, before we judge, I think
we should hear the first ladys
side.
Joining us for an exclusive
interview, live from the white
house, please welcome melania
Trump!
( Cheers and applause )
Good to see you.
All right.
Hello, Stephen!
Stephen: Madame first lady,
thank you for joining us!
And also, happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you!
I look forward to the annual
pardoning of the turkeys.
The only ones in the White House
who wont be going to jail.
(Rimshot)
Stephen: Good to see you
have your own drum player in the
White House.
Its the whole marine corps
band, actually.
Theyre all here.
Stephen: Well, I have to ask
about Mira ricardel.
Why did you call for her to be
fired from the White House?
She was lying, she was petty,
she was vindictive... and weve
already got all of that covered.
So...
( Laughter )
Stephen: Okay, now some
people are saying that asking
for her to be fired via press
release was a tad insensitive.
They are?
Awww, no.
Stephen, you know me.
You know me...
( Laughter )
All I want is to end bullying,
and if you disagree with that...
I will crush you like a tiny bug
underneath my stilettos.
( Laughter )
Crunch.
Lau( Laughter ) Mmm!
Stephen: But isnt this
something you should have
handled with your husband in
private?
Oh, Stephen, I havent
handled my husbands privates in
years.
(Rimshot)
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: This is a side of
the public... the public hasnt
seen this side of you before.
But ( Bleep ).
Stephen, are you okay?
Stephen: No!
Im not okay!
This entire thing is very
upsetting.
Oh!
Stephen: This is a side of
you the public hasnt seen
before.
Before, but your friends arent
surprised, one of them even
called you a "knife fighter."
No, Stephen.
You know me:
I am just an innocent, little
first lady.
I am only called on for
harmless, ceremonial duties.
Like the carving of the white
house Turkey.
Stephen: Oh, I didnt know
there was a ceremony for that.
There isnt.
"Turkey" is my nickname for John
Kelly.
Stephen: Youve made the
administration look bad.
It is true.
Ive issued a new statement, it
is position of the office of the
first lady that melania Trump no
longer edeserves to they the
White House.
Fire me, next, Donald!
Please!
Let me out!
Stephen: Melania Trump,
everybody!
Well be right back with Millie
Bobby brown.
( Cheers and applause )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Hey, everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Lovely.
Folks, you know my first
guest tonight from her role as
eleven on the hit show,
"stranger things."
Please welcome back to "the late
show," Millie Bobby brown!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Hi.
Oh, my god.
Stephen: Its so good to
see you again.
Its so good to see you, too.
Stephen: How have you been?
I have been good.
Stephen: Busy.
I have been really busy, so
its nice to come back home.
Yeah.
Stephen: Good.
The last time we saw you, which
was a little more than a year
ago.
I was so young.
Stephen: You were so young.
You are crowned with many
winters now.
Since then, youve become the
youngest person ever on the time
100 list, wrapped the feature
film of Godzilla, monsters.
Shot season three of "stranger
things," and this one... this is
the one that really interests
me, which is youve become the
youngest unicef good will
ambassador.
( Cheers and applause )
Youve got the shirt.
So, first of all, youre making
us look bad by being so
productive.
So do you have time to hang and
just be?
Yeah.
I dont have many friends,
Stephen.
I like my family.
My family are my friends.
Stephen: Thats nice.
I have three best friends
that I love and adore and, you
know, everyone... you know, pi
family, my close friends,
special people in my life, I
feel like, you know, thats just
the most important thing to me,
and I think, you know, one thing
I like to do is I love to do
normal things.
Stephen: What is normal?
Go to this, like, grocery
store, you know.
Stephen: Thats very
normal.
Like, today, I walked through
New York and I just felt so
normal.
Its great.
Nobody asked for... actually,
no, they did.
Thats a lie.
Somebody did, but I was, like,
okay, its really quiet.
And I carried on and it felt
great.
I loved going to the
supermarket.
I was trying to look for my
favorite cereal cook yi crisp.
Stephen: Sure, quality
cereal.
Most of the moms post about
this on grams, Millie should not
be eating cookie crisp.
No, its likely good.
I recommend it.
Stephen: Doctors say it
gives you your recommended daily
allowance of cookie and crisp.
And it has a little crisp.
Yeah, so I went in there the
other day and I was buying it
and I had, you know, like, five
boxes and I was like, boom!
And the woman was, like... and I
was, like, hi.
Stephen: She recognized you
were Millie Bobby brown.
You said that so quickly,
Millie Bobby brown!
Stephen: Its a fun name to
say, Millie Bobby brown Millie
Bobby brown!
Millie Bobby brown!
( Laughter )
Anyway, shes scanning and
saist, what are you doing here?
I said what are you doing here?
She said, you know, youre
famous.
And I said, no, the girls got
to get some cookie crisp.
I have to eat.
Stephen: Youre at the
beginning of fame.
Later when youre most famous,
you just exist on applause!
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Thank you.
( ( Audience chanting )
Stephen: Please, please!
Im all full.
( Laughter )
Let me ask you about "stranger
things."
Okay.
Stephen: I know you cant
tell me about season three.
No.
Stephen: But can you clear
up some stuff about the...
Oh, god.
Stephen:... this photo
worried a lot of people.
You grammed this photo right
here and you scared some people
with this.
Is this the tear of, like, the
show is over or...
No, everybody is...
( Laughter )
No, im just a very emotional
person.
When it comes to my closest
people, im not good at
goodbyes.
Stephen: This is the last
day to have the season?
Of the season, not the show.
The season.
In effect called me after this
and said, cant say anything,
im, like, okay, got it
( Laughter )
Stephen: Wouldnt you be
sad?
My nose gets really red when
I cry.
I was really crying.
Thats real tears.
So, basically, what happened
was, right, im a very emotional
person.
I cant say goodbye to people,
it give me serious sadness and
anside.
When I said goodbye to my best
friend Sadie, I broke down.
And catering is a tough one.
Stephen: Catering?
Yes.
Stephen: Saying goodbye to
people who do the catering?
Yes, saying goodbye to people
who make my food.
Seriously.
Thats the people I live off of,
quite literally.
Stephen: Again, when youre
more famous you dont need any
food.
( Laughter )
Very nice of you.
Its an emotional time.
Stephen: Can I ask you
about the unicef thing?
Yeah, go ahead.
Stephen: On the lighter
note lets talk about the united
nations international childrens
emergency relief fund.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
What are your responsibilities?
How are you using this platform
to do something good for the
children?
Well, first of all, this is a
big deal for me not only because
first of all im being honored.
The newest and youngest unicef
good will ambassador.
Im the youngest, because im a
kid, im a child, its very easy
to talk about certain subjects
about unicef just because I feel
very passionate about it and,
you know, advocating for
childrens rights and making
sure that every child knows that
they have rights and just kind
of being a part of such an
amazing organization that let me
vocalize on subjects that, you
know, some people silence me on.
Its an important thing for me.
Stephen: Whos tried to
silence you?
Well, you know, sometimes
its just, like, dont mention
that.
Im, like, you know what?
Im going to do.
And unicef gave me that voice.
Stephen: Love your nails.
Thank you so much.
Stephen: Would you do me a
favor?
We have a bit of an issue.
You aint wearing blue, and im
wearing blue.
So im going to have to paint
the nails blue.
( Cheering )
Right, which hand?
Because apparently...
Stephen: I think that one.
Really?
Why?
Why not the other one?
Because its all torn up,
this one.
Im exposing him.
Stephen: Yeah, also, I
dont want to disappoint the
ladies by showing my wedding
ring.
Absolutely not.
( Cheers and applause )
So how is your wife?
I saw her at the emmys.
Stephen: My wife is
absolutely lovely in every way.
I love her so much.
Stephen: Yeah, shes
absolutely delightful.
Shes great.
Stephen: That is... yeah.
Look at that.
Anyway, ive got a quick
question to ask you.
Stephen: Ive got a
question for you, too, because
it is my show.
( Laughter )
How do you feel that the
spice girls have gotten back
together?
Because I cried.
Stephen: I did not cry.
I was interested when I found
out, but I did not cry when I
heard about the spice girls.
Oh.
Stephen: You really are
that excited about the spice
girls?
I think they have been broken up
longer than you have been alive.
( Laughter )
I dont think you shared the
planet with a fully formed
original spice girls.
( Laughter )
The thing, is right, age
aint nothing but a number.
Stephen: Ive heard that.
So true.
Youre very good at that.
Thank you.
I actually took online courses
to paint nails.
Stephen: Really?
Yeah, I was bored.
Stephen: Thats very
normal.
Which spice girl is your
favorite spice girl?
Well, two different
questions, really, because what
spice girl am I?
Im posh.
But what do I want to be?
Scary.
Stephen: Really?
Yeah.
Stephen: What are you?
What am I?
Im fairly sure that im ginger.
( Laughter )
Im ginger spice because she was
the first one to quit the band.
She was the first one to leave.
She got a social conscience and
everything, so I admired that in
her.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: World childrens
day is tomorrow!
Millie Bobby brown, everybody!
Well be right back with Anthony
salvanto!
Stick around!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Welcome back!
My next guest oversees all
polling for CBS news and is here
to help us make sense of what
happened on election night.
Please welcome, Anthony
salvanto!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Good to have you on.
Thank you for having me.
Stephen: I am familiar with
your work.
I never miss "face the nation"
on Sundays, and you did a long
study of voters all over the
2018 election to see how people
were shifting around.
Were you surprised at all about
the results of the 2018
election?
No, I think we saw a lot of
this coming, you know, but I
think the key was to try to
explain it.
You know, before the election,
we put out what would happen if
a lot of people turned out and
sure enough they did.
Stephen: Was that one of
the things that was predicted
that a lot of people would turn
out?
Predicted is a tricky word
for poll sphears.
We try to explain things.
Stephen: Was it expected?
People said they were going
to show up.
Stephen: Do people tell the
truth?
( Laughter )
Yes, they do, actually.
Yes, at a do.
People ask me that all the time.
Do people lie to pollsters, do
they admit who theyre voting
for?
And I always say why would you
bother to spend 15 minutes on
the phone with me, with folks
just to lie, to make stuff up?
Stephen: Well, to feel
important.
Well, maybe.
But I think what really happens
is they might say theyre going
to turn out, they might mean
theyre going to turn out but
things get in the way.
This year, we saw people were
motivated, people said they
thought this election was as or
more important than a
presidential year, right, so
they did actually turn out.
You got 16 percent of the
electorate said they never voted
in a medterm before.
We have half of the electorate
actually showing up, and that
was one of the keys.
Stephen: What happen that
was surprising?
We expected the house to go this
way and the senate to go that
way.
What happened that no one saw?
I think that that size was
probably a little high than
people thought.
I think the size to have the
Democratic gains were probably a
little higher.
You get out to Southern
California, a traditionally
republican place...
Stephen: Orange county,
first time since 1935 or
something, its all blue.
Yep, all blue.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
And I think that a lot of people
doubted whether young people
would show up, whether those
people who hadnt voted in the
midterms would show up and, in
fact, they did.
The pollsters job is to explain
what happened.
You showed this about the
emotions people were feeling,
right, we were tracking all
along people saying how would
you feel if the other side won?
They would be angry.
Like it or not, that was
motivating to people, it was
getting people out.
And the other part was the
president, he wasnt on the
ballot but on peoples minds in
historic numbers, for and
against.
People say they were coming out
to support or oppose the
president.
Stephen: He said, imagine
im on the ballot, and when they
lost, he said, I wasnt on the
ballot.
It was the highest level
weve seen in the exit polls for
people saying the president was
on their minds, definitely a big
factor.
Stephen: You have a new
book here, "where did you get
this number: A pollsters guide
to making sense of the world."
Who are the hardest group to pin
down about what they really
think?
Young people are hard to poll.
Stephen: Theres no mention
of them though.
They have other things on
their mind, not necessarily
engaged in politics, busy, might
not be at home to pick up the
phone.
Even though we do a lot of
polling and interviewing on the
line, you have to remind them to
take it.
So that part is going on.
And, look.
Its become hard.
We keep on doing it till we get
the microcosm of America.
Thats what a poll sample is.
Stephen: The man knows what
youre thinking and why youre
thinking it.
The book is "where did you get
this number," available right
now.
Anthony salvanto, everybody.
Well be right back with a
performance by Josh groban!
( Cheers and applause )
(Cheers and applause
)
Stephen: Coming from a sold
out Madison square garden show
last night and now performing
Billy joels classic, "shes
always a woman" ladies and
gentlemen, Josh groban!
(Cheers and applause
)
♪ ♪
♪ she can kill with a smile
she can wound with her eyes
♪ she can ruin your faith
with her casual lies
♪ and she only reveals
what she wants you to see
♪ she hides like a child
but shes always a woman to me
♪ she can lead you to love
she can take you or leave you
♪ she can ask for the truth
but shell never believe you
♪ and shell take what
you give her
♪ as long as its free
yeah she steals like a thief
♪ but shes always a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ she can wait if she wants
shes ahead of her time
♪ oh, she never gives out
and she never gives in
♪ she just changes her mind
and shell promise you more
♪ than the garden of Eden
then shell carelessly cut you
♪ and laugh while
youre bleeding
♪ but she brings out the best
and the worst you can be
♪ blame it all on yourself
cause shes always
♪ a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ a woman to me
oh, she takes care of herself
oh, she takes care of herself
♪ she can wait if she wants
shes ahead of her time
♪ oh, she never gives out
and she never gives in
♪ she just changes her mind
she is frequently kind
♪ and shes suddenly cruel
she can do as she pleases
♪ shes nobodys fool
but she cant be convicted
♪ shes earned her degree
and the most she will do
♪ is throw shadows at you
but shes always a woman to me ♪
♪ oh
but shes always a woman to me ♪
♪ oh
ooh (cheers and applause
)
Ooh (cheers and applause
)
Stephen: Thank you, Josh.
His album, "Bridges" is out now.
Josh groban, everybody!
Well be right back.
Stephen: Thats it for "the
late show."
Tune in tomorrow when my guests
will be Michael Douglas, senator
Ben sasse, and chef Jose Andres.
Now stick around for James
corden.
Good night!
Captioning sponsored by CBS
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