The Last Man on Earth (2015–2018): Season 3, Episode 10 - Got Milk? - full transcript
The beginning of the viral outbreak is revealed.
You're watching
The Last Man on Earth.
Yes!
Catch all-new episodes Sundays.
And check out
our other Fox programs,
Bob's Burgers--
Whoo!
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
and Family Guy.
-Can me and Ramon
go ride shirtless bikes?
-(sighs)
Only on Fox.
(gentle jazz music playing,
indistinct conversations)
(tapping glass)
Hello, everyone.
(applause)
Everyone, can I have
your attention, please?
Hello?
Ron, Lily, nice to see you.
Welcome, everyone.
As you know,
my name is Pamela Brinton.
And I always say
it feeds the soul
to do good deeds.
So, tonight,
I want all of our souls
to get absolutely stuffed.
Ha-ha!
(scattered, brief laughter)
As you know, my tireless work
with the Pamela Brinton
Foundation
has saved 4,000 lives.
That's 28,000 lives
in dog years.
(crowd chuckles quietly,
Pamela laughs)
Yep.
Canine hip dysplasia.
It robs a dog of its mobility,
its dignity,
its very cani-ninity.
(quietly):
That's not a word.
What was that, Catherine?
Uh, that's not a word.
(laughter)
Please, continue.
Imagine how scared you would be
if you lost your mobility,
your legs, all the...
Allen. Thank you for coming.
Didn't know you were
gonna be here tonight.
Nice to see you.
Okay, auction time.
Seems like everyone here has got
the fever for the flavor.
Well, except for Catherine,
avowed cat lover.
No judgment. Judgment.
I kid! (chuckles)
(chuckles): Well, my nickname is
Cat, so...
I suppose my husband Robert
is the real Cat lover.
(laughter)
Well, I guess
my name would be Dogela
'cause I like dogs.
(laughs):
Doesn't mean anything.
(people gasping)
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
Th-That's just Leonard.
He's just trying
to make tonight about him.
Get your own
charity, Leonard.
Stop trying to
horn in here.
(people murmuring)
PAMELA: Um... (chuckles)
All right, well, let's get
this auction started, right?
♪ Who let the auction out? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ♪
♪ Who let the auction out? ♪
♪ Who, who. ♪ (laughs)
Ooh, Jeremy, yes, you
are, you're my cutie.
Ah, thank you, Christina.
That will be all.
Alana, what are the headlines?
ALANA (automated female voice):
Flooding in Tennessee
is expected to continue
through the weekend.
President Pence plans to visit
the affected areas.
The Federal Pandemic Agency
has released new guidelines
for combating
the emerging viral outbreak.
Ooh, Alana. Little dark today.
How about a joke?
Why did the banker
quit his job?
He lost interest.
(laughing):
What?!
Interest!
Oh, I needed that.
(laughs)
Oh, guess what I heard about
Catherine and Robert.
They bought another home.
Guess where it is.
London?
They wish. (chuckles)
It's under the ground.
What do you mean?
It's a bunker.
It's, like, a bomb shelter
or something where
paranoid people go and live
when they think
it's the end of the world.
It's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
I mean, talk about overreacting.
It's just a bad flu season.
You wash your hands, you don't
buy a bunker. Am I right?
What are they, mole people?
(laughs):
Mole people?
Benjamin!
Oh, you are giving Alana
a run for her money.
(chuckles)
Mole people.
(chuckling)
(sighs)
♪ ♪
(gasps)
Oh, no.
(man coughing)
This place is an
absolute pigsty.
Where in the hell
is Christina?
Oh, Christina texted. She died.
What?
Her daughter or someone texted.
You okay?
There's got to be a vaccine.
Pamela,
we talked about this.
There is no vaccine.
Well, something fishy's
going on, if you ask me.
You mean to tell me the
President of the United States
doesn't have a vaccine?
Yeah, right!
NEWSMAN: And there's
the presidential hearse,
as they head towards
Arlington Cemetery.
Michael Richard Pence,
46th President
of the United States,
dead at the age of 61.
NEWSWOMAN: President
Paul Davis Ryan Jr....
NEWSMAN 2: President
Rex Wayne Tillerson...
NEWSMAN 3: President
Steven Terner Mnuchin...
NEWSWOMAN: President
Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions...
NEWSMAN 4: President Betsy
DeVos, dead at the age of 61.
♪ ♪
Catherine?
Pamela!
(chuckles):
Is that you?
I love your bag...
outfit.
(chuckles): Yes, well,
safety first, you know?
And that's always in fashion.
(laughs):
Yeah.
Yes.
So...
interesting times.
Hmm.
How's Benjamin?
Oh, he's good.
We made love this morning.
Mmm.
With all the bells and whistles.
And, uh, Robert?
Oh, he's a little
under the weather.
So, um, when do you head off
to your little...
bunkery place?
We have to wait a little bit.
They make you take a physical
before you enter, so...
Just a precaution.
I didn't know you had a dog.
I don't.
Well, I, uh... (chuckles)
should be going.
(crunching)
(grunts)
Oh...
Benjamin?
Benjamin?
(Benjamin coughing)
(coughing continues)
Benjamin, the door's locked.
What are you doing in there?
I think it's best that I stay
in here for the time being.
Do you have it?
I think so.
Well, would, uh, you...
would you like me
to make you some soup?
Get out of here.
Who knows what I've touched?
It could be anywhere.
I'm not leaving you!
You have to.
Where would I go?
I don't know. Anywhere.
Just leave here now.
Oh, my God.
Now!
Fine! I'll leave!
But, Benjamin...
...I'm making you that soup...
...in my heart.
And I'm eating it in mine.
(knocking)
PAMELA:
Catherine?
Catherine?
Hello?
You here?
Oh, God, oh, God.
What am I doing?
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
What am I doing?
(gasps)
Catherine?
Are you alive?
I'm gonna poke your buns
a little bit.
(gasps softly)
Oh, God.
♪ ♪
Uh, thank you.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Okay.
(door closes)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Air seal initiated.
Whew.
(sighs)
Is this the master?
I love it.
She said, sarcastically.
Refried beans?
Why didn't you fry 'em right
the first time?
Ugh.
Gross.
Oh.
Well, this is fun.
Let's see what else we have.
Desert.
Rain forest.
City street.
Prairie.
Country field
with an old red barn.
Sphinx!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Mobile
surveillance system initiated.
Mobile what?
Use the control surface
to pilot your
Breathe Systems drone.
Drone? No, no, no, no, no.
Drone? No.
Uh, log off.
Log down.
Uh, Sphinx please. Sphinx?
(rapid beeping)
Unstable. Unstable.
Where am I? What is this?
Returning to charge station.
Yes, please.
(sighs) It's about time.
Sheesh.
(gasps) Sphinx!
There she is.
He?
Aren't you gonna eat?
Look, I know things are grim,
but at least we're safe here.
And I bet you there are
lots of other bunkers out there
just filled with scientists
working on a vaccine
as we speak.
And once they
figure it out,
they'll give us the all clear,
and we'll be able go back home.
So hang in there.
We just have to wait
for the all clear.
Until then, we'll make
our own fun, won't we?
(chuckles)
Okay. Dig in.
I made it myself. Come on.
(sniffs) Hey!
("Neutron Dance" by
the Pointer Sisters playing)
All right. All right,
there you go, Pamela.
Leveling off.
(gasps) Oh!
I can see everything.
♪ I don't want
to take it anymore... ♪
Well, well, well. If it isn't
news anchor Lester Holt.
Today's news: yum, yum.
(chuckles)
Happy Halloween, Jeremy!
(cackles)
♪ 'Cause I work so hard
to make it every day... ♪
Oh. What do we have over here?
(music stops)
(softly):
Oh.
("Silent Night" playing)
Well, it's been
a tough year.
But we made it through.
Without you, I'm afraid...
(sniffles)
...I'm afraid
I might have given up.
So thank you.
And Merry Christmas.
I love...
Oh. There he goes.
(playing off-key notes)
Milk.
Milk.
Milk.
Come on, you can say it.
Milk.
All right, fine.
That's enough for today.
(chuckles)
But mark my words...
you will talk.
(classical string music playing)
Milk.
Milk.
(classical music continues)
Milk.
Milk.
Milk!
Damn it, Jeremy!
You're not even trying!
Do you even want this?
Just say it!
(exhales angrily)
I'm not talking to you.
(classical music continues)
Beach. Mountain.
Desert. City.
Farm. Antiques.
Peru. Prairie.
Stream. Everest.
Dune.
Raccoon.
Roller coaster. Hilltop.
School. Fancy party.
(singsongy):
Oh, Jeremy.
Dinner is served.
Come on, Jeremy.
Come on.
Come on, you little dum-dum.
Good boy.
Do you know
you're eating cat food?
(chuckles)
And you look like a fool.
What would your parents think?
You'd be the laugh
of the kennel.
You give me that.
Did you want to eat it?
You can't have it.
Say "milk."
Just say it!
No, no. No, no.
Who did this?
Jeremy!
In or out?
Make up your mind.
You want to go out there?
'Cause you certainly don't seem
very happy in here.
Is that what you want?
Okay. Here's your chance.
So what's it gonna...
Jeremy!
Jeremy!
Jeremy!
Jeremy.
♪ ♪
(hisses)
(quietly):
Jeremy.
♪ ♪
Well, go figure.
You're a cat person
that eats dog food,
and I'm a dog person
that eats cat food.
I guess we're more alike
than I thought.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
Oh! Can you hear me?!
Oh, can you,
can you hear me up here?! Oh!
My-my name is, uh,
Pamela Brinton! Oh!
Look at me! Can you hear me?!
Can-can you see me?!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Battery low.
Drone returning to charge.
(beeping)
No.
No, no, no.
No, no, no battery low. No!
No, no, no, no, no!
(whimpers)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Mobile
surveillance system recharged.
(sighs):
Oh.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's real.
Hello! Can you hear me?!
I'm nice, too!
I'm not afraid! Hi!
My name is Pamela Brinton.
Uh, je m'appelle
Pamela Brinton.
I'm in a bunker!
Please come find me!
(exhales excitedly)
No!
(beeping)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Fatal error. Unit lost.
(beeping continues)
♪ ♪
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.
(dolphin chittering)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
You've just watched
The Last Man on Earth.
Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.
(gunshot)
(gunshot)
(retching)
(gunshot)
No one rode around
on a horse, screaming,
"The British are coming,
the British are coming"?
No.
I think I need to fix
something very important.
I have questions about
colonial Massachusetts.
It's urgent.
You have urgent questions
about colonial Massachusetts?
Yes!
I play a character named Dan,
who is a bit of a loser
and has figured out a way
to time travel.
A really big duffel bag?
It's a time machine.
I go to the past
every weekend.
Sometimes on Tuesdays.
Get in.
Never. No.
-You invented time travel.
-Yup.
When he goes back to the past,
he is instantly high status.
He's a stud 'cause
he's got all his teeth.
He smells nice
'cause he showers.
Doesn't have
any big diseases.
Right.
So I just gotta see
my girlfriend real quick.
What, you're dating
someone in the past?
Look, I told you,
I'm really popular
around here.
And I think that
that can be very appealing,
when you have a chance
to reinvent yourself.
You always know
just what to say.
You complete me.
Ah!
PALLY: Dan will be visiting
colonial times.
He'll be visiting
the early 1920s Chicago.
-I am Al Capone.
-(crowd gasps)
(chuckles)
He gets to deal
with Paul Revere.
Is it true that you've
been courting Deborah Revere?
Your girlfriend is
Paul Revere's daughter?
Yes?
The British can wait
until I find and kill
Deborah's suitor.
I'm Tom Cruise.
This is Magic Johnson.
PALLY: So his romance
may or may not
have screwed up
the American Revolution.
So, in 2016, black people
and white people are friends?
Yes, exactly.
Not at all.
What?
The Last Man on Earth.
Yes!
Catch all-new episodes Sundays.
And check out
our other Fox programs,
Bob's Burgers--
Whoo!
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
and Family Guy.
-Can me and Ramon
go ride shirtless bikes?
-(sighs)
Only on Fox.
(gentle jazz music playing,
indistinct conversations)
(tapping glass)
Hello, everyone.
(applause)
Everyone, can I have
your attention, please?
Hello?
Ron, Lily, nice to see you.
Welcome, everyone.
As you know,
my name is Pamela Brinton.
And I always say
it feeds the soul
to do good deeds.
So, tonight,
I want all of our souls
to get absolutely stuffed.
Ha-ha!
(scattered, brief laughter)
As you know, my tireless work
with the Pamela Brinton
Foundation
has saved 4,000 lives.
That's 28,000 lives
in dog years.
(crowd chuckles quietly,
Pamela laughs)
Yep.
Canine hip dysplasia.
It robs a dog of its mobility,
its dignity,
its very cani-ninity.
(quietly):
That's not a word.
What was that, Catherine?
Uh, that's not a word.
(laughter)
Please, continue.
Imagine how scared you would be
if you lost your mobility,
your legs, all the...
Allen. Thank you for coming.
Didn't know you were
gonna be here tonight.
Nice to see you.
Okay, auction time.
Seems like everyone here has got
the fever for the flavor.
Well, except for Catherine,
avowed cat lover.
No judgment. Judgment.
I kid! (chuckles)
(chuckles): Well, my nickname is
Cat, so...
I suppose my husband Robert
is the real Cat lover.
(laughter)
Well, I guess
my name would be Dogela
'cause I like dogs.
(laughs):
Doesn't mean anything.
(people gasping)
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
Th-That's just Leonard.
He's just trying
to make tonight about him.
Get your own
charity, Leonard.
Stop trying to
horn in here.
(people murmuring)
PAMELA: Um... (chuckles)
All right, well, let's get
this auction started, right?
♪ Who let the auction out? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ♪
♪ Who let the auction out? ♪
♪ Who, who. ♪ (laughs)
Ooh, Jeremy, yes, you
are, you're my cutie.
Ah, thank you, Christina.
That will be all.
Alana, what are the headlines?
ALANA (automated female voice):
Flooding in Tennessee
is expected to continue
through the weekend.
President Pence plans to visit
the affected areas.
The Federal Pandemic Agency
has released new guidelines
for combating
the emerging viral outbreak.
Ooh, Alana. Little dark today.
How about a joke?
Why did the banker
quit his job?
He lost interest.
(laughing):
What?!
Interest!
Oh, I needed that.
(laughs)
Oh, guess what I heard about
Catherine and Robert.
They bought another home.
Guess where it is.
London?
They wish. (chuckles)
It's under the ground.
What do you mean?
It's a bunker.
It's, like, a bomb shelter
or something where
paranoid people go and live
when they think
it's the end of the world.
It's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
I mean, talk about overreacting.
It's just a bad flu season.
You wash your hands, you don't
buy a bunker. Am I right?
What are they, mole people?
(laughs):
Mole people?
Benjamin!
Oh, you are giving Alana
a run for her money.
(chuckles)
Mole people.
(chuckling)
(sighs)
♪ ♪
(gasps)
Oh, no.
(man coughing)
This place is an
absolute pigsty.
Where in the hell
is Christina?
Oh, Christina texted. She died.
What?
Her daughter or someone texted.
You okay?
There's got to be a vaccine.
Pamela,
we talked about this.
There is no vaccine.
Well, something fishy's
going on, if you ask me.
You mean to tell me the
President of the United States
doesn't have a vaccine?
Yeah, right!
NEWSMAN: And there's
the presidential hearse,
as they head towards
Arlington Cemetery.
Michael Richard Pence,
46th President
of the United States,
dead at the age of 61.
NEWSWOMAN: President
Paul Davis Ryan Jr....
NEWSMAN 2: President
Rex Wayne Tillerson...
NEWSMAN 3: President
Steven Terner Mnuchin...
NEWSWOMAN: President
Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions...
NEWSMAN 4: President Betsy
DeVos, dead at the age of 61.
♪ ♪
Catherine?
Pamela!
(chuckles):
Is that you?
I love your bag...
outfit.
(chuckles): Yes, well,
safety first, you know?
And that's always in fashion.
(laughs):
Yeah.
Yes.
So...
interesting times.
Hmm.
How's Benjamin?
Oh, he's good.
We made love this morning.
Mmm.
With all the bells and whistles.
And, uh, Robert?
Oh, he's a little
under the weather.
So, um, when do you head off
to your little...
bunkery place?
We have to wait a little bit.
They make you take a physical
before you enter, so...
Just a precaution.
I didn't know you had a dog.
I don't.
Well, I, uh... (chuckles)
should be going.
(crunching)
(grunts)
Oh...
Benjamin?
Benjamin?
(Benjamin coughing)
(coughing continues)
Benjamin, the door's locked.
What are you doing in there?
I think it's best that I stay
in here for the time being.
Do you have it?
I think so.
Well, would, uh, you...
would you like me
to make you some soup?
Get out of here.
Who knows what I've touched?
It could be anywhere.
I'm not leaving you!
You have to.
Where would I go?
I don't know. Anywhere.
Just leave here now.
Oh, my God.
Now!
Fine! I'll leave!
But, Benjamin...
...I'm making you that soup...
...in my heart.
And I'm eating it in mine.
(knocking)
PAMELA:
Catherine?
Catherine?
Hello?
You here?
Oh, God, oh, God.
What am I doing?
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
What am I doing?
(gasps)
Catherine?
Are you alive?
I'm gonna poke your buns
a little bit.
(gasps softly)
Oh, God.
♪ ♪
Uh, thank you.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Okay.
(door closes)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Air seal initiated.
Whew.
(sighs)
Is this the master?
I love it.
She said, sarcastically.
Refried beans?
Why didn't you fry 'em right
the first time?
Ugh.
Gross.
Oh.
Well, this is fun.
Let's see what else we have.
Desert.
Rain forest.
City street.
Prairie.
Country field
with an old red barn.
Sphinx!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Mobile
surveillance system initiated.
Mobile what?
Use the control surface
to pilot your
Breathe Systems drone.
Drone? No, no, no, no, no.
Drone? No.
Uh, log off.
Log down.
Uh, Sphinx please. Sphinx?
(rapid beeping)
Unstable. Unstable.
Where am I? What is this?
Returning to charge station.
Yes, please.
(sighs) It's about time.
Sheesh.
(gasps) Sphinx!
There she is.
He?
Aren't you gonna eat?
Look, I know things are grim,
but at least we're safe here.
And I bet you there are
lots of other bunkers out there
just filled with scientists
working on a vaccine
as we speak.
And once they
figure it out,
they'll give us the all clear,
and we'll be able go back home.
So hang in there.
We just have to wait
for the all clear.
Until then, we'll make
our own fun, won't we?
(chuckles)
Okay. Dig in.
I made it myself. Come on.
(sniffs) Hey!
("Neutron Dance" by
the Pointer Sisters playing)
All right. All right,
there you go, Pamela.
Leveling off.
(gasps) Oh!
I can see everything.
♪ I don't want
to take it anymore... ♪
Well, well, well. If it isn't
news anchor Lester Holt.
Today's news: yum, yum.
(chuckles)
Happy Halloween, Jeremy!
(cackles)
♪ 'Cause I work so hard
to make it every day... ♪
Oh. What do we have over here?
(music stops)
(softly):
Oh.
("Silent Night" playing)
Well, it's been
a tough year.
But we made it through.
Without you, I'm afraid...
(sniffles)
...I'm afraid
I might have given up.
So thank you.
And Merry Christmas.
I love...
Oh. There he goes.
(playing off-key notes)
Milk.
Milk.
Milk.
Come on, you can say it.
Milk.
All right, fine.
That's enough for today.
(chuckles)
But mark my words...
you will talk.
(classical string music playing)
Milk.
Milk.
(classical music continues)
Milk.
Milk.
Milk!
Damn it, Jeremy!
You're not even trying!
Do you even want this?
Just say it!
(exhales angrily)
I'm not talking to you.
(classical music continues)
Beach. Mountain.
Desert. City.
Farm. Antiques.
Peru. Prairie.
Stream. Everest.
Dune.
Raccoon.
Roller coaster. Hilltop.
School. Fancy party.
(singsongy):
Oh, Jeremy.
Dinner is served.
Come on, Jeremy.
Come on.
Come on, you little dum-dum.
Good boy.
Do you know
you're eating cat food?
(chuckles)
And you look like a fool.
What would your parents think?
You'd be the laugh
of the kennel.
You give me that.
Did you want to eat it?
You can't have it.
Say "milk."
Just say it!
No, no. No, no.
Who did this?
Jeremy!
In or out?
Make up your mind.
You want to go out there?
'Cause you certainly don't seem
very happy in here.
Is that what you want?
Okay. Here's your chance.
So what's it gonna...
Jeremy!
Jeremy!
Jeremy!
Jeremy.
♪ ♪
(hisses)
(quietly):
Jeremy.
♪ ♪
Well, go figure.
You're a cat person
that eats dog food,
and I'm a dog person
that eats cat food.
I guess we're more alike
than I thought.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
Oh! Can you hear me?!
Oh, can you,
can you hear me up here?! Oh!
My-my name is, uh,
Pamela Brinton! Oh!
Look at me! Can you hear me?!
Can-can you see me?!
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Battery low.
Drone returning to charge.
(beeping)
No.
No, no, no.
No, no, no battery low. No!
No, no, no, no, no!
(whimpers)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Mobile
surveillance system recharged.
(sighs):
Oh.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's real.
Hello! Can you hear me?!
I'm nice, too!
I'm not afraid! Hi!
My name is Pamela Brinton.
Uh, je m'appelle
Pamela Brinton.
I'm in a bunker!
Please come find me!
(exhales excitedly)
No!
(beeping)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Fatal error. Unit lost.
(beeping continues)
♪ ♪
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.
(dolphin chittering)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
You've just watched
The Last Man on Earth.
Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.
(gunshot)
(gunshot)
(retching)
(gunshot)
No one rode around
on a horse, screaming,
"The British are coming,
the British are coming"?
No.
I think I need to fix
something very important.
I have questions about
colonial Massachusetts.
It's urgent.
You have urgent questions
about colonial Massachusetts?
Yes!
I play a character named Dan,
who is a bit of a loser
and has figured out a way
to time travel.
A really big duffel bag?
It's a time machine.
I go to the past
every weekend.
Sometimes on Tuesdays.
Get in.
Never. No.
-You invented time travel.
-Yup.
When he goes back to the past,
he is instantly high status.
He's a stud 'cause
he's got all his teeth.
He smells nice
'cause he showers.
Doesn't have
any big diseases.
Right.
So I just gotta see
my girlfriend real quick.
What, you're dating
someone in the past?
Look, I told you,
I'm really popular
around here.
And I think that
that can be very appealing,
when you have a chance
to reinvent yourself.
You always know
just what to say.
You complete me.
Ah!
PALLY: Dan will be visiting
colonial times.
He'll be visiting
the early 1920s Chicago.
-I am Al Capone.
-(crowd gasps)
(chuckles)
He gets to deal
with Paul Revere.
Is it true that you've
been courting Deborah Revere?
Your girlfriend is
Paul Revere's daughter?
Yes?
The British can wait
until I find and kill
Deborah's suitor.
I'm Tom Cruise.
This is Magic Johnson.
PALLY: So his romance
may or may not
have screwed up
the American Revolution.
So, in 2016, black people
and white people are friends?
Yes, exactly.
Not at all.
What?