The Last Man on Earth (2015–2018): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Spirit of St. Lewis - full transcript

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Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

But, Todd, what if she wanders off again?

She's a danger to herself and maybe to us.



We can't just let her roam around here.

We could lock her in that focus group room

with the two-way mirror,

keep an eye on her from in there.

Are you learning how to fly?

Figure if I get good enough,

maybe one day I can fly off to Tokyo and look for Mark.

It's creepy. It's like she can see us through the mirror.

You think she's still mad?

It's hard to tell.

She's just been sitting like that for the past hour.

It's very unnerving.

Bud, you're doing the right thing.

This is for her own safety.



Yeah, but it still doesn't feel right.

Well, why don't I go check on her?

I used to shadow the HR lady at the hot sauce company,

so I know my way around a psychotic episode.

Hi, Melissa.

- Well, that was not fun.
- What happened?

Well, she just said that Gail didn't go to Napa,

but she threw herself over a cliff

'cause I bugged her too much.

Hey, don't listen to Melissa, okay?

She's just trying to get under your skin.

It's a classic lash out.

Here, let me give it a try.

She said the last thing that Mike said before he died

was, uh, "Where's my brother?"

Here, let me try.

She hasn't known me for as long,

so she doesn't have any emotional ammo.

She said Mark is still alive.

Oh, that's positive. Oh.

And living with his new lover in Tokyo.

Oh, she got you on the flippety with that one.

Hi, Melissa.

Australia sank.

I'm getting fat.

No one likes a short man.

I'm pregnant with Mike's baby.

Racial slur.

I mean, she actually just said the words "racial slur."

Well, now I'm definitely not going in there.

I mean, she's already the most
pissed at me for locking her up.

Oh, Todd, she'll come around. Don't beat yourself up.

Judas.

Oh, Judas.

Two-way mirror... how can she tell where you are?

I'll never forgive you, Todd.

Wow, she's really nailing the
worst-thing-you-can-hear thing.

Yeah.

Nice takeoff, very smooth.

You're a regular Sully Sullenberger.

Sully Sullenberger? I hardly "knewenberger."

- You want a drink?
- Yeah. I could use one.

All right.

Where did you get all these?

Oh, come on.

We got an airplane.

If we didn't have tiny bottles,
we'd be gigantic "bott-holes."

Well, that one worked well.

Down the hatch.

Mm.

So, uh, when do you think that you'll be ready

to take, like, a real flight, get out there and go see Mark?

Technically, I've logged enough hours in here

to try a test run, but I don't know.

I just don't feel quite ready yet.

Well, take your time.

You'll know when you're ready.

You don't want to rush something like flying.

That's pure suicide.

Round two?

Ah, I probably shouldn't.

I want to get some more flights in here.

Hey, don't worry.

I got you a little Breathalyzer.

Breathalyzer? I hardly "knewalyzer."

See, it works with everything.

Does it?

Okay, you keep up the good simulating, huh?

Hey, guys.

Any, uh, leads?

Nothing yet.

Everything seems so similar,

and without any medical training,

it's hard to pin down.

Yeah, even doctors misdiagnose.

I once had a bunion removed.

Turned out it was a sixth toe.

How's Melissa doing?

Not great. You know, I-I got a baby monitor

so I can keep an eye on her.

Oh, I think the screen's broken.

- Looks like it's frozen there.
- Yeah.

No, she's just standing there.

Oh, my God. You know, we might not

want to rule out a standard possession.

This has all the tell-tale signs of a conjuring.

Maybe we just keep it to the, uh, medical world for now.

It could be general psychosis.

Oh, well, what are the symptoms of that?

Detachment from reality,

putting oneself and others in danger,

childlike regression.

Good afternoon, Vietnam!

Hey-oh!

Never mind. I think the odds of two people

in the group having that are slim.

Made a little run to the pharmacy,

and I think I might have just
come up with a little solution.

What are those?

Pills.

Pills? What pills?

Just a classic mix and match.

So now we're just gonna give her a bunch of random drugs?

Eh, it's kind of a "you know it when you see it" situation.

Hmm. Looks like he got some Lexapro,

Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa, Paxil,

Luvox, Latuda.

I've dabbled.

Tandy, we can't make her take pills.

What about shock therapy?

It worked wonders on my grandma.

My grandpa always said that before,

she was like, "Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba,"

and then afterwards, nothing.

Guys, we're not giving her drugs.

Okay? Or shock therapy.

I mean, come on, this is ridiculous!

Todders, what's wrong?

Seriously? We don't know what we're doing,

and we never will; we're not doctors.

Hey, we'll figure it out.

Oh, we'll figure it out?

Like we figured out how to do an appendectomy on Phil?

Yeah, that worked out great.

Or we are just gonna figure it out when babies start

popping out of that one. Huh?

Or that one?

Look, all the women in my family needed C-sections.

All of them.

What are we gonna do if one of them needs one?

Huh?

Wake up, bud.

It's all going south.

Hey, Lewis!

Come on, get that nose up, bud! Level those wings!

Straighten up and fly right.

Or left. You choose. You're the pilot.

Whoa!

You don't see that up in the air every day, huh?

What do you want, Tandy?

I want you to put that thing in park and come out with me.

I got a little present for you.

And... ta-da!

What's going on?

What's going on is you're ready.

Ready for what?

Your first flight... now.

You want me to fly that thing?

I've only flown in a simulator.

Do you think that Amelia Earhart

had a bunch of cracks at it in a simulator?

No. She just got into a plane and wung it.

Amelia Earhart crashed and died, Tandy.

Uh, we don't know that.

She might have got into a jogging accident, right?

Look, what are you getting so worked up about, huh?

I mean, it's very well known

that flying is the safest form of travel, right?

I mean, we had way more of a chance of dying

on the drive over here.

It's simple statistics.

Do those statistics take into account

someone who's never flown before?

Yes, they do.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Yes, I do, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you didn't know this. I never told you this.

I used to, uh, be a travel statistician.

You were a temp.

Yes, I... at a... a travel statisticiary.

Sorry, Tandy, not doing this.

Yeah, Lewis, wait. W-Wait. Look.

Melissa's sick, Todd's a mess, and, like, Carol and Erica...

They're freaking out now about C-sections.

And how does me flying make any of that better?

If we get you up into a plane,

there's a chance that you could find someone.

And who knows? Maybe that someone could be a doctor.

I don't know. It seems like long shot, Tandy.

Yeah, it's a friggin' long shot,

but we're fresh out of short shots, bud.

Look,

this is gonna be scary whenever you decide to do it,

but you got to take that leap one day.

Why not today?

It is a nice plane.

Yeah, it is, sure.

And I have put the time in.

Tremendous amount of time in there.

And I guess the sooner I get flying,

the sooner I get back to Mark.

There you go.

Solid logic.

Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna frigging fly.

You're gonna frigging fly!

♪ On the wings of Lewis ♪

♪ Up and above the clouds ♪

♪ The only way to fly ♪

♪ Is flying high upon ♪

♪ The wings of Lewis ♪

♪ Ah! ♪

Yeah!

Yes!

Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup!

Hey, guys, I'm just gonna take off,

take a short lap and sit it right back down,

so we really don't have to make a big deal out of this.

Oh, yes, we do.

Lewis, you haven't even gotten off the ground yet,

but you've already lifted our spirits.

Oh, and while you're up there,

maybe you could fly over Napa and see if Gail's doing okay?

Carol, you can just drive to Napa.

It's, like, an hour away.

Not the way I drive.

I drive very slowly.

Maybe one day you could fly me to Australia.

Uh... sure.

Why not? It's a date.

Really? Yeah.

Hey, listen, Lewis... Oh, my.

Oh. Excuse me.

Lewis, I just

want to thank you so much, all right?

Oh, geez. I mean, this means

so much... to me and Melissa.

Right, sweetheart?

Yeah.

Yeah, she's... giving you

a thumbs up there, so...

Thanks, Melissa.

I'd like to make a toast.

Raise your glasses, please.

Yes. Yeah.

- Galileo...
- Hmm.

...Sir Isaac Newton,

Thomas Alva Edison,

Doug Henning,

Pelé, Peter Frampton,

Jonas Salk,

Lena Dunham,

Shel Silverstein,

Kenny Loggins,

George Washington Carver,

Lewis.

Yeah.

This is so exciting.

Talk about front page news.

"Lewis Gets It Wright, Brother!"

Yup, it's the first edition of the Post Virus Post.

Lewis, you want one?

Uh, I'll grab one after the flight, thanks.

Roger Rabbit that.

Oh. Sorry.

It's all right.

I got you a little good luck send-off present.

It's traditional gear.

It's a bomber's jacket from Aeropostale.

Oh, no. Put it on, please. Now.

And this is a pilot's hat

from one of San Jose's most respected Halloween stores.

Wear it with pride.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

All right, everyone, I guess it's showtime.

Wow, this is real.

This just got very... very, very real.

That's how you know it's right.

Okay.

Right.

Right on!

Nelson Mandela.

Jim Henson.

Hamilton.

The guy who did Hamilton.

I got it, Tandy.

I'm not finished.

Lewis.

You're ready for this, bud.

Now you get up there and kiss some clouds, okay?

Thanks.

Yes!

Just gave him a little pep talk. What'd you say?

Oh, I've been doing this thing where I say

famous people's names, then I put his name at the end.

It really lands.

Okay. Okay, let's get out of the way.
Come on. Out of the way.

Yes!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Was... not...

ready.

Well, he made the front page two days in a row.

We'll miss you.

Neil Armstrong,

Johnny Appleseed,

SEAL Team Six.

Ryan Lochte before Rio.

None of these people hold a candle to Lewis.

Was he a hero?

I would slap you across the face
if you even asked that question.

And since I just asked that question...

It took a turn fast.

No one here is disputing that.

The cleanup was, uh... messy.

Yeah, it was.

Lot of people would look at Lewis' test flight

and say that Lewis failed that test.

Not me.

I say he passed.

Passed away.

But now Lewis is safely in the arms of his partner Mark.

I mean, let's face it,

we all knew that Mark was dead.

Todd, uh,

do you have a song for us?

Yeah, Tandy, I prepared a friggin' song.

My girlfriend's trapped in a cage that I put her in,

but I abandoned her so I could stay up all night

and learn a bunch of lyrics.

So, a no on the song.

No, I prepared one. I just told you,

I stayed up all night.

Oh, good. Well...

♪ I... ♪

♪ Just want to fly ♪

♪ Put your arms ♪

♪ Around me, baby ♪

♪ Put your arms around me, baby ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ Just want ♪

♪ To... ♪

Fly.

Thank you, Todd.

You're welcome.

Now, would anybody else like to say a few words?

Yeah, I'd like to.

Every time hope comes into my life, it dies.

I fell in love with Phil. He died.

Mike came into my life. He died.

Lewis promised to take me to Australia.

Dead.

So, obviously, I'm cursed.

Oh, and we might as well make this a funeral for Gail, too,

because I'm starting to think Melissa's right.

Gail's dead.

And why? Because everyone I love always dies.

Thank you.

That was beautiful, Erica.

Good on ya.

I hold here what are probably Lewis' remains.

And a few bolts.

Yeah.

But now, Lewis, you're free.

Ashes to ashes,

bolts to bolts...

Say it with me.

Bolts to bolts. Ashes to ashes.

Ashes to ashes. Great.

Good funeral.

Hi there.

Took that thing off.

Couldn't remember if you believed in them or not.

Well,

I really miss Lewis.

If he's up there with you,

please, just tell him I'm sorry.

I was just trying to help.

Everything's such a mess right now.

I don't know what to do.

E-Every time I try to turn things around,

I just make it worse.

So if you have any idea

how to fix this,

please let me know.

'Cause I am just...

lost.

And now I'm found.

Thanks, God!

You see that? Boo!

♪ I don't wanna get left behind ♪

♪ Gonna love my baby all the time ♪

♪ If I don't wanna get left alone ♪

♪ I gotta move on down my baby's home ♪

♪ And if my baby isn't there ♪

♪ I'm gonna fill my gap and comb my hair ♪

♪ Gotta move ♪

♪ Gotta move, ooh ♪

♪ Gotta move ♪

♪ Gotta move. ♪

Right down this way.

Follow these cords.

Spoiler.

All right, thank you so much for coming out here. So, uh,

I had a little gab sesh today with the big guy upstairs...

Uh, talking about God... uh,

and, you know, he gifted me

with an epiphany,

something that will help us to honor Lewis

and to raise our spirits as well.

'Cause, let's face it, I mean, we've been going

through a pretty rough stretch, right?

So, hopefully,

this will help us see the light.

The rainbow!

A symbol

near and dear to Lewis' heart.

Let the healing begin!

Yeah, that's cool.

Pretty colors.

Lewis would've liked this.

Or been offended. Hard to know.

Right?

Wait, where you guys goin'?

Just kind of cold.

But really good job.

Nobody liked it.

Why'd you make me do that?

It was all for nothin'?

Uncle Stinky.

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