The L Word (2004–2009): Season 6, Episode 6 - Lactose Intolerant - full transcript

"Oompa Loompa"

Are you sure
this is appropriate?

- Don't children get killed?
- No, they got punished, Bette.

And it was
Max's favourite story.

Where are the Willy Wonka bars
that you promised?

I wouldn't have made 'em if
you'd told me that it was her idea.

What do you want me
to do about it?

What I want you to do?

I want you to dump her.

It's not that easy, Alice.

Excuse me?



How do you know Max?

Oh, I haven't met him yet.

I invited her. I hope you don't
have a problem with that.

Max won't care. She's helping me
with my enduring test on monday.

The ice cream cone needs
to go exactly in the corner.

I want to get back
in the bed.

I tell you what. We go in,

we have a quick drink,

- we say, "Hey, baby shower".
- Hi the baby shower.

And then we leave.

Okay, you promise?

- "Shooting Start" by Les Baxter -

Welcome.

- Wow!
- Oh my gosh...



Yes, I've done such a good job.
That's quite magical.

- You did. You did a great job.
- Big parties are all the rage.

- That's lovely.
- Thank you.

You guys look really happy
together.

- Thank you.
- I'm very happy for you both.

- So am I.
- Me too.

I'm really, really, really happy
for you both.

- I'm gonna get you a drink.
- I wanna give you

a big hug, Missy. Come here.
You...

You passed the test
with flying colors.

I'm so happy for you.

We were watching you
when we saw

how at Hit you rebuffed
Nikki Stevens

even though she could have
helped your career,

and it was just so incredible.

- It was very, very impressive.
- What do you...

What do you mean you saw...
What does she mean she saw?

- Saw what?
- That I passed the test.

When we were watching her
with Nikki Stevens

on the big monitors at Hit.

Everone was watching me when I

had my meeting
with Nikki Stevens?

No, I mean... Well, that's not
exactly how it happened.

- It was...
- No, there is,

there is no need to lie.

I will fix this.

When one begins a relationship,

you must start
with a clean slate

and be completely honest.

Which is what we're doing now.

- You'd just better...
- Nikki Stevens

- was a test?
- No, no, that...

Dylan, that's not exactly
what happened.

Do you know what?
It wasn't really,

it wasn't even my idea.

I'm gonna fucking kill you,
girlfriend!

Surprise!

- Happy baby shower day.
- Baby shower day!

Okay, here is your golden ticket.

And here is your hat.

And here is a balloon.

Would you like
some milk and cookies?

{\a6}I'm Jamie.

{\a6}It's nice to meet you, Max.

{\a6}Hi,
I heard so much about you.

{\a6}She's the
only non-friend here.

{\a6}She's just so inappropriate.

She's gone!

- "Boca Chica" by Les Baxter -

Sorry. Oh my god!

I don't know what to do.

Helena, I'm so sorry.
I truely am.

Call her. Try to call her.

- Call her? Okay, I'm calling.
- Okay? Try to call her.

- Hi, how are you doing?
- I tell you, welcome co-worker with Alice.

I'm sorry I didn't get the chance
to talk to you.

Oh, no, we had a great time.

I cannot believe
Jenny said that.

{\a6}What can't you believe?

{\a6}Whe should just grap Shane
and make a run for it.

{\a6}Maybe she didn't mean
for it to be so malicious.

{\a6}Oh, yeah, no, no, no,
Jenny's not malicious.

No, not at all. Just

completely and totally evil.

Okay, fine, she's malicious.

Oh no, I was sure
that I had it right.

But I think that... Look,
mine is just as short. So

- I already lose.
- Ours is shorter too.

Yeah, ours is shorter.

{\a6}Yeah, yes, it is.

{\a6}Okay, you're next.

I'm sorry, Max.

Come on.

Alright.

Yeah! Everyone,
Shane is the winner.

I wonder what she won.

So,

{\a6}I think it's time
for another game.

Do any of you guys
have any suggestions?

- Chocolate in a diaper!
- Oh my godness, you're right!

That's exactly
what the other game was!

{\a6}You have to guess

{\a6}what kind of chocolate
the shit is.

It's so disgusting!

{\a6}- It's gross! I want...
- What is this?

{\a6}Is this we need the
chocolate bars that you made?

- Again with this.
- Fast and out.

Why are you putting your nose
so close to it?

- It's a Skor bar!
- You're right, Tina.

You know your shit,
so to speak.

- Thank you.
- Good job, babe.

- "Twinkle Twinkle" -

Good. She always wins this,
at every shower...

Thank you. Would you like it,

- Miss Crankypants?
- Fuck off, Jenny!

- Hey, do you know what you're having?
- No, not yet.

You didn't see anything?
You didn't wanna...?

You don't wanna know?

I guess if Tom were here,
it'd maybe be easier.

- Well fuck, Tom!
- I'd be more ready for this.

Yeah, you know what, Max?
I'm sorry, but, what an asshole.

- Yeah, such an asshole.
- He's not an asshole. He's just

- scared.
- Have you spoken to him?

He changed both his numbers.

- Oh, that's horrible.
- What an asshole!

Seriously.

- It's so wrong.
- And you know what, Max?

Don't be scared, really.
I mean,

don't. I mean,
when the baby is born

and you hold that baby
in your arms,

you're gonna know
exactly what to do,

I promise you.

- "3 Blind Mice" -

It's finally cool
to hang out with you.

- Alice talks about you a lot.
- Really?

It's nice to hear.

She keeps
get over me these days.

Oh yeah, well, she's
a little mad at your girlfriend,

so I guess she probably
hates you too.

You're being serious?

No, I'm just kidding.

She thinks of you as
a really good friend. She, like,

she admires you and...

That's sweet.
I'm glad to hear that.

I mean, it's nice to hear this,
I even, it's uh...

Thank you. That's actually
really sweet compliment.

- Do you want more?
- That's really good.

- I know.
- I hadn't smoke that in a long time.

Do you want more?

- Maybe one more hit.
- Sorry.

I just, uh,
I just wanted to tell you that

it's your turn for the game.
So...

And also, that,
I don't mean to be like

a narc, but the...

The pot is just drifting
and Max is getting...

Okay. I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go play the game.

Why did you do that?

Do what?

What "do what"?
I was talking to her!

Oh, come on,
you were flirting with her.

- "Here we go round" -

Maybe, I was.

Yeah, so what if you were,
I don't care.

Really?

I swear like you were giving me
a weird look over there though.

'Cause I was just coming
to tell you

that it was your turn.

I'm not kidding!

- Guess what?
- What?

I got you a present.

I made something for you.

What is it?

- I can't tell you.
- When am I gonna find out?

Let's play the game.

Why are you... What's wrong?

Oh they're everywhere
these days.

'Cause I love you.

- "Frere Jacques" -

I love you too.

- And that person would be?
- It would, well...

It's present-cake time,
mom-dad.

Self sufficient, I guess.

Hey be careful tonight, please.
And don't destroy anything.

Oh, look at the cake.

- Look at that cake.
- It's cake time!

- Oh, Kit, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, no, it's okay.

Happy baby, Max!

- Wow, it's really big.
- Do you wanna cut the cake?

I'm not so good at it.
Maybe, you wanna...

- I can cut it.
- Would you mind?

- Here's Kit's present.
- Yeah, open the present.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, it's right.

Did you take... Do you have it?

It's right here.

Don't worry.

You have to hold it up, Max,
so we can all see what it is.

It's a little baby tee-shirt.

Those are actually called
onesies.

Oh my god, it's like Jenny!

Thanks.

Oh look, there's a little
punk rock baby.

- Oh, there it is.
- And here is our present.

- That's fancy.
- Tada!

- It's so amazing!
- A stroller...

But you see, it's more than a stroller.

You can just take this little
part up and it's a car seat.

And if you take little handle,
it's also a craddle.

You can turn it this way
so you can drink a coffee from here,

- eat your babas.
- Does it do the dishes?

No, just your taxes.

And then
there's two little things here,

you can have your coffee
and a bottle...

There's also

- instructions down here.
- It's really liked.

It also comes with a DVD.
It's about an hour long, so,

- if you have any questions.
- Bette has read the instruction manual

- from cover to cover.
- You think?

- So, any questions?
- It's really safe.

Thanks.

I appreciate it.

- You're gonna need it.
- I guess I'm gonna need

- a stroller, huh?
- Whose are you opening next?

- Max, do you have a birth plan?
- Time for presents.

- No, not yet.
- Oh my god!

Our birth plan? It went
right out of the window.

I mean,

I was to do a homebirth,
in a tub, with a midwife,

and we ended up
in an emergency room,

- having a C-section.
- Open the present.
- But I still,

- I think it's good to have a plan.
- No, you should have a plan.

I don't blame 'em when they have
a C-section, because either,

- you know, you get all torn...
- Open it.

- ... or you have an episiotomy.
- What's that?

It's when the baby's head
is too big

to go through the vagina
and they have to...

- cut it.
- Just cut it with scissors.

- Oh, you guys!
- But the...

- It's just the perineum and...
- Really?

- they numb it.
- Open the present.

It's better to actually have
episiotomy

- than to have it ripped because...
- It's really gross.

- ... when it's ripped, it's like crocked.
- Gross to talk about.

Open the present.

If they cut it, it's just like...

- Open the present!
- Can we just look at

- sweet baby clothing stuff?
- What is this?

Hey, it's a present
in your lap.

- Look at that.
- Open up!

Oh, that's your present?

Both from Jenny-Shane?

- No.
- I didn't know it.

What's in here?

- What is this?
- That's a,

- it's a breastpump, so.
- Wow! That's a nice one.

Can I just show you?
You,

you attach it to your breast,

and, while you're lactating,
and then you,

the milk goes in here and
you can feed the baby in milk.

- No, I'm not gonna...
- You know, I'm not gonna do breastfeeding.

You do wanna breastfeed,
you do. I mean,

it's what's best for the baby.
All the doctors say so, and

it's a
wonderful bonding experience.

I had such a good time
with Angie.

You know what? I get,
I understand

that you identify as a man,
but I think it's important

as a parent that you can't
be selfish for the child.

She's been...
She's given life lessons now.

It's my own fucking choice
for the breastfeed.

Jenny, what do you know
about any of this?

Bringing up kids, family?
What do you know about that?

It's time for, you know...

I'll make a speech.

Big day, huh?

- "The City" by Les Baxter -

Listen. You,

mister, have had
the unusual benefit of knowing

what both sexes

go through and how they love
in all those kinds of things

and because of that,
you are gonna be

a very caring and
very fantastic father, okay?

Don't you? In this world, Max,
it can be harsh,

we know. You know
more than any of us about that.

But that's,
that's giving you knowledge,

you know,
and knowledge is gonna

give you strength and

you know, strength is gonna

be something you can
import to your child,

you know?
It's gonna help the two of you

on this journey that
you're gonna make together!

Sure, it's great
to have two parents,

like, hello! These two.

Exhibit A! Two adorable parents,
but, listen to this, Max.

You, being alone,

is better because you don't have to go
through all that bullshit,

you know? Like,

Of like figuring it all out
with someone else like,

"Let's circumcise" or
"No, we can't circumcise" or...

"Let them stay up late!", "I want them
to go to bed", you know, it's like,

much better if it's just you.
You and the kid, huh?

- What is she doing?
- Doing what she always does.

- Watch her. She's on a roll.
- You don't have to do that.

It's all you.

So, Max listen, to you.
Everybody, cheers.

This is amazing like
bringing a life into this world.

And I can only hope, really,

that this child, you know,

will turn out to be someone
who has values.

Who knows the real meaning
of honesty,

the real meaning of

trust and real friendship,
you know?

Someone who will stand up
to their girlfriend

when they know she's wrong.

I can hope, we can all
only hope that this

child will not grow up to be

a thief, someone who would

steal people's ideas and
lives and things like that.

So I pray, Max, for your child,

that they won't grow up
being malicious

- and manipulative and fucked up.
- Yeah! Good thing!

That's what I'm saying to Max!

To Max. This is just big
and, again,

it's your... Are you okay?

- I think...
- Oh, he's gonna throw up.

Is she throwing up?

- You're okay?
- She's gonna throw up! Oh my god!

I don't think
I can do this, okay?

I have to ask you something.

Do you think that maybe
you could adopt my kid?

Max, you don't know
what you're saying.

- And you know what?
- You're just such good parents.

We're already adopting
another baby.

- I know, but...
- It's already done.

You guys, I think
he's having a panic attack.

Listen, I have some extra
Diasopam in here.

- Give her air! Air!
- Xanax.

- I can't breathe.
- In our room.

- Okay, I can't breathe.
- Just breathe slow.

- It's in our bedroom.
- It's okay, it's gonna be alright.

Would you get the Lexapro?

- It's in... Where is my purse?
- Where is your purse?

Go get the valium
in the bathroom.

Oh my... Somebody can call 911?

Can 911.

I can't do this. I'm scared.

I have some Lexapro in my purse.

- Where is my purse?
- Okay, people!

People, she's pregnant.

You can't give
a pregnant lady drugs.

He.

- He is pregnant.
- "He", okay.

- He is pregnant, okay?
- He is pregnant. I'm sorry.

Okay, he's pregnant.

- She didn't... Just...
- I'm sorry.

I think we should get on the phone
with 911.

That's crazy, I can't breathe.
I don't wanna do this!

- "Max Shaving"
by Elizabeth Ziff -

So, the birthmother knows
you're lesbians.

Yes, we were very clear
with Marcy.

She's totally comfortable.

Except for her stepfather
and her mother.

Doesn't matter what they think.
They have no rights here.

I just need to make sure
that Marcy's committed

to seeing this through.

Well, she assured us
that we were her choice.

And she really doesn't like
the other potential adoptive parents.

Excellent.

Sounds like
you're in good shape.

I look forward to welcoming
a new addition to the

Porter-Kennard family.

So,

you heard the good news,
right?

Phyllis accepted.

Congratulations.

Damn!

We haven't set a date yet.

We're waiting
on Gavin's availability.

Gavin Newsom,
mayor of San Fransisco.

He's officiating.

- Great!
- Well, a mayor.

Well, I think we have

one more trip to Nevada,
right? And

that's just to take Marci
to the doctor's office,

but other than that,
it's very routine.

She's from Nevada?

Why?

Well, Nevada's problematic.

It's one of the few states

that doesn't allow

gay couples to adopt.

Wait, but Marcy chose us.

Doesn't matter.
The state won't allow it.

This is crazy. There has to be
something we can do.

You can adopt
as a single parent.

- What does that mean?
- At the hospital in Nevada

one of you presents
as a single parent

and adopts the child. And
once you're back in California,

we do the second on adoption,
just like you did with Angelica.

- Fine.
- No!

- Let's do it! Come on.
- No, there's no way. We can't

start this whole thing out
with a lie.

We cannot lie about who we are,
escpecially when it comes to our family.

We can't do that to Angelica.

Or to our potentially new son.
We just can't.

You're right, you're right.

Thought you might take
that position.

There is one other thing
that you can do,

but I can't imagine

- you'd want to.
- What is it?

You can have the birthmother
come live with you in Los Angeles.

Arrange for her
to have the baby here.

If she gives birth in California,

then Nevada law has
no juridiction.

You're both so sweat.

You killed me.

Guys, I'm never ever
ever doing that again.

- It was fun.
- You know who's gonna be

really sore tomorrow
and actually next days?

- I'm dead now. I'm sore now.
- The quads, your quads

- are gonna be killing you.
- It was good though.

- My quads...
- Those stairs...

Oh please, what the hell
are you so tired for?

You did like two jumping jacks.

Don't start with me
when I did the whole thing!

- Oh really?
- I took a couple of breaks.

A couple as in many many ten?

- You did great. I was surprised.
- Really?

- You did like 15 of those.
- You're actually really good.

You could have easily
made the squad.

- Seriously.
- Oh god, no, I'm so out of shape.

What?!

Are you on crack?

- Oh my god!
- Really?

- Look at you.
- Yeah, you're really out of shape.

Shut up!

Oh sure, you're out of shape.

Okay, guys, I'm gonna go home,
and take a shower

and I'll meet you
at the restaurant.

Oh my god, no!
That would take forever.

Why don't you just shower here?

Yeah, but I don't have
any clothes

and I'm all sore, I'm really.

I could give you something
to wear. I mean,

we're like the same size,
right? But,

- I mean, you're a little smaller.
- No,

- we're about the same size.
- Yes, you are. But

I have something
that will fit you, I'm sure.

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

Remember where it is?

Sorry. I think theses are,

these will fit.

Yeah, these are perfect.

- Thanks.
- Okay, sorry.

What are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- What?

- But she's in the other room...
- Shh.

Are you serious right now?

That feels really good.

You're sure you wanna
fucking doing it?

Shut up!

She's finished. I'm gonna...

No! Dont stop, my god,
don't stop!

Not yet.

Oh my god!

Fuck!

That was crazy.

That was a really nice shower.

- Hey, are you done?
- Yeah.

- It's all yours.
- I'm gonna jump in.

Great.

Was it good?

- Yeah.
- Great.

I think I'm gonna go
shower with her.

- Cool?
- Oh, yeah, go for it.

- Go, I'll arrange myself.
- Alright.

Awesome.

Well,
Marcy seems pretty up for it.

Yeah, but you know,
who's gonna take care of her kids?

I just...

That's strange to me.

I think they're gonna stay
with her parents, right?

You know what I'm worried about?
I'm worried about the car.

- Will she need a car?
- I don't know.

Will we have
to drive her everywhere?

- That's hard.
- Well, I don't have the time

to drive her everywhere.
Do you have the time?

What if the house isn't done?

- Weezzie, how are we coming?
- Good news, ladies.

We're only three months
behind schedule.

Just a little
contractor humour there.

Actually we're ahead of the game,
ladies.

I guess my guys do
more than just look good, huh?

Actually I just wanted
to give you the heads-up that,

that we're expecting a houseguest
for about a month or so.

So what is it critical here?

So am I gonna have to do
some massaging of the boys

so I don't get to pull them
some extra hours?

I just want
the perks of the job, I guess.

Can I, uh, Weezzie?

Actually I wanted to talk to you
about the master bath.

There was supposed to be
a wrap around deck.

Oh yeah, changed that.
That's not gonna happen.

But don't worry,
I talk to the architect.

He's a handsome fellow, huh?

I wouldn't kick him out of bed
for leaving crumps, huh?

Okay, I am so confused.

- Are you confused?
- Oh, I'm very confused.

- She's a dyke, right?
- I don't know.

She doesn't know
she's a dyke.

- That's because she's a yikes!
- Yikes!

He's...
He's an handsome fellow.

Shit!

- That's mean. That's mean.
- That's crazy!

- She's doing a good job.
- She's awesome.

- Alright.
- This,

- What is it?
- is the surprise,

- Oh really?
- that I was telling you about. Yep!

This is your own
photography studio.

Catch

your keys.

You don't have to share them
with anybody. Look at this, here.

Look, look, natural light,
you get all natural light.

This, here,

is your seamless

for when you wanna do
your beautiful portraiture.

And look at this, white walls.
Look,

white space, white space.
You know what that's for?

That's when you wanna have
your own photography show

so you never have to ask
anybody for a favor ever again.

These are your tripods,
right here.

These are you strobes,
right here.

This is your uh, your bats

for when you wanna do
the fashion photography.

And

this is the dark room.

What do you think?
Is, I don't know,

is this gonna be okay?

I don't deserve this.
I don't deserve any of this.

- Yeah, you do.
- No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

I haven't even been taking
that many pictures, Jen.

Well you should,

'cause you're

talented.

I just think that you should have

your own space
so you can work.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, T., your car is here.

I'm coming.

I just...
Doesn't it look crazy?

To have Marcy come here?
I mean,

- it's exciting, but it's...
- You know what?

We're doing the right thing.
I'm gonna stay with Weezzie

and make sure
that the room is ready.

Alright? I call you
from the gallery tomorrow.

- Okay, I just...
- I just what?

- It's a crazy time, you know.
- You have to go.

Don't worry about
missing the opening.

There'll be many many more.

I know. It's just

- never gonna be a first.
- You know what?

You just go to New York and
get this new movie off the ground.

Alright? That's your job.

- Kiss Angie for me.
- Every night.

- I love you.
- I love you.

??? me, okay?
Don't forget.

- You're okay?
- Jesus!

What are you still doing here?

You're putting pressure on me,
woman.

I'm not gonna let you down.

Oh, thanks.

Is you sister going to New York?

My sister Kit?

I thought her name was Tina.

Tina's not my sister.
Tina's my partner.

She's Angelica's other mother.

Yeah, I get that you're partners.
I just thought that you were sisters.

Is she a Wentworth?

What?

No, she's a Kennard.

Then why does she go
to New York?

Isn't she gonna be
at your opening tomorrow?

- So I won't see her, then.
- Are you going to the opening?

I'm pumped.

I hear the art openings
are a great place

to meet the fellows.

And I am looking.

I'll see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

- "Living for it" by Von Iva -

I'm just confused.

Hey, what you're doing?

Oh, you know.

Yes, yes, I see. Would you
get us some water?

I don't want water. I'm fine.

No, you're not fine.
You are a mess.

You had way
too much to drink here.

We need to get you home.

Come on, come on.

Kit, listen, I'm fine.

- Would you please just let me...
- You are not fine.

- Just let me stay here.
- No.

Would you get your...

You're not my fucking mother!

I know
I'm not your fucking mother!

You know,
it's not your fault, okay?

So where did you get this?

I got it from her.

- It's a present.
- You like it?

- I love it.
- This thing with Dylan,

it's a disaster!

She'll get over it, girlfriend.

She's got a good thing here
with you.

Helena messed up, okay?

And I really think she needs
to try and fix it up

with Dylan.
They belong together!

Helena and Dylan?

But, don't you love Helena?

Yeah, I love her. Yeah.

Then why do you push her
in someone else's arms?

You two, you have more
than just a romance.

You're partners.

And I think that you're good
for each other.

You actually thought
that I was a lesbian?

Well, you see,

my body, it doesn't respond
to his own kind.

You know?

But, like, this is ooh...

this is what I'm talking about
right here.

- Get out of my face.
- Listen,

I want you out, and you...

I gotta check this on before
it gets out of control, okay?

I'll meet you here at 8:00.

Look, Dagmar,
I'll be here at 6:00 A.M.

if you insist, but you know
Grace is gonna scoop you.

Why don't you just
swing by on your way?

I promise,
you will not be disappointed.

Okay, great.

Alright, see you then. Bye.

Dagmar Venas is coming

and so is Chris Knight
from the L.A. Time!

Wentworth-Porter
takes L.A., baby.

You can come down,
I'll do it. Thanks.

Any celeb's coming?

James, can you check if
we heard back from Nikki Stevens?

I put another call
to her publicists.

I invited her. She might come.

I also invited
a whole ??? of agents

- from C.A.A.
- Oh my god!

My ex just texted.

He wants a Dugo Gram.

- How's that?
- Left?

Any one in particular?

He wants a female nude,
of course.

I wouldn't begrudge him
liking a female nude.

No, I wouldn't either.

Just as long as
he's paying full price.

Oh, he's overpaying, my love.

How is it going in New York?

It's actually going
incrediby well.

No one here seems
to care about the

mystery of the
stolen "Lez Girls" negative.

Can you put that
on my table, please?

And all they want
to talk about, you know,

gossip. They wanna talk
about movies. Interesting.

Don't you love New York?

I do.

I'm starting to see
what you were talking about.

How's the show?

God,
the gallery's looking great.

I wish you were here.

Yeah, me too.

My lunch today
is with Jane Rosenthal.

She's De Niro's partner
in Tribeca.

Well, that sounds exciting.

The meeting
I had yesterday,

it actually went better
than I expected.

- "Camera Whore"
by Nettie Rose -

We have a slight emergency.

Sorry, T., I gotta run.
Minor artist crisis.

Yeah, okay, no problem.

Actually I see my lunch
walking in the door.

I'm gonna be completely slammed
for the rest of the afternoon, so

I won't call you until late
tonight from the hotel.

Everything goes really
really well.

- And I love you.
- I love you too.

So, what's the crisis?

Okay, we're getting all
these last minute RSVPS,

and I'm just concerned

because I don't think
we're gonna have enough oysters.

Are you kidding me?

No, it's just
we're expecting 250 people...

No, I mean you're kidding me?
You got me off the phone with Tina

- to talk to me about oysters?
- I'm sorry.

I don't know. The call

it seemed like it wasn't so important.
It just looked like she was

- checking up on you.
- No, we don't do that to one another.

We support each other.

Then what's up with tonight?
I mean,

I don't think
that's very "supportive".

She would be here if she could.
She has business in New York.

More important than being here
for you?

Kelly, you know what?

It's taken us a long time
to get to this point,

but Tina's work

is just as important to her
as mine is to me

and that's a good thing.

It's good for our relationship,
it's good for our bank account.

I'm surprised, I mean,
I don't know she strikes me as

your wife.

No, not a wife.

That's good.

I'm coming!

Coming, coming!

- You look amazing!
- Really? I was gonna change.

I wasn't really so sure
about it.

No, you look great.
Who's this?

- That's Bubba.
- Hey, Bubba.

Did you tell him
to lead us in?

It's like this way.

Wow, this is amazing!

Thanks.

Really cool.

- It's really nice.
- Hey, mister.

How long have you lived here?

Since like 1999.

Wait, did you live here
with Mona?

Oh, for, first second
she moved in

and she moved out.

I actually got it well,
as you will see.

It's really cool.

These are your brothers?

Yep, and that's my dad.

Is that you and your mom?

Yeah, ???

She's really pretty.

Thanks. Hey, could you, could you
help me with this, it's like...

Sure.

What do you want me to do?
Zip it?

I haven't worn it for a while.

Yeah, like just...

I'm gonna pinch you.

There.

Thank you. Okay. What do you
think this one? Is this...

- Yeah, it's great.
- I don't like too ???

- You look nice.
- Really? Okay.

So I think of these
as exploratory paintings.

Really, but combinate

in a line
of three dimensional space,

you know actually when,
when I think of my life

it's really all about the search
for the fundamental substance

of the line and you know,

- when you think of this...
- Look at this.

My sister's back!

Wow, she really knows
how to throw a party.

The Grams were completely
sold out, I think.

- Are you serious?
- I think so.

- Can I just...
- It seems we're lucky.

I have to tell you that Elope...

- How are you?
- Oh, I'm just great.

- Oh my god! This looks fabulous.
- You like?

- Isn't this amazing?
- Wentworth-Porter.

- Spectacular. I'm Helena Peabody.
- I know.

- Good to meet you.
- Kelly Wentworth. You too, you too.

Guys, you know what?

Can we get, can we get
a couple of pictures?

- Sure.
- You look is fabulous.

Oh, that's a little close, no?

Could you back it up a little?

Hey, one full length just 'cause
we've gotta get the great shoes.

Oh yes, absolutely.

- Work it.
- Thank you.

- Thank you, that's great.
- Thank you.

You guys enjoy. You know what?
You can start up with that room.

- It's Dugo Gram.
- I think it's

- one of our favorite artists.
- And the paint is "Kelly Cooper".

- Okay.
- Great.

- I'm gonna get a drink first.
- Great.

- See you.
- Take it easy.

- Enjoy.
- Later!

Those are
two lovely art dealers.

Sleazeball.

You're here to look at art,

not women.

How are you?

- What?
- You gave me shit

'cause you think I'm flirting
with that girl, Jamie,

and now you're gonna do
the same?

- Don't flip me!
- Do not flip me!

- Isn't this cool?
- Yeah, this, this one in particular

- is really something.
- Yeah,

Bette has really outdone herself
with this art.

- You must be proud of her.
- I am proud of her. You know that.

Look at Miss Bette over there.

And it's a gorgeous gallery.

They do make
a very beautiful couple.

They're not a couple.

I know they're not a couple,
but they look like a couple.

They're just both tall.

And you have excellent taste.
Cheers!

Cheers! Thank you.

I don't know how you can
eat those things.

You don't like them?

I don't like them
because it reminds me

of a guy
coming in your mouth.

I'm just saying.

Don't throw...

Why, why would you try
to do that to me?

I just wanted to say that
that's why I don't like them,

you asked me
why I don't like them,

- so I said...
- Well if that's the case

then you can kiss me because
you know what that tastes like.

Don't!

This is my first showing
with this gallery,

but you know, I tell you
Bette and Kelly just

really inspired me
by all their work.

It's like a giant cat
threw up, huh?

What do you think?

- I don't get it.
- Well, it's art.

- "God?s Gonna Cut You Down"
by Costanza -

You see? Who is it?

- Nikki, over here!
- You know what?

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Alright, thanks guys.
Thank you.

- Over here, Nikki! Beautiful!
- Nikki, this way, over here!

Bye! Thanks guys. Come on.

Bye guys. Thank you!

No, no,
we didn't get to talk yet.

- Hi!
- Hey, it's Bette, right?

Oh gosh, I'm so flattered
that you remember me.

- Of course.
- How are you?

- This is my business partner, Kelly.
- Hi, Kelly, how are you?

Business partner?

Welcome.
You know, you know what,

do you mind
if we get a quick picture?

- Oh, no, not at all.
- Oh, great, thank you.

- That dress is gorgeous.
- We just wanna get a couple, okay?

Alright, just do it. Great.

Just a couple full length too.

Perfect.

- Thank you. Great.
- Thanks.

I'm gonna take a look around.
This is great. I mean,

I don't really know much about art,
but it looks awesome.

- Thank you.
- If you have any questions,

- you know, feel free to ask.
- Okay, great.

I don't know if you know but
Chris Knight is here from the L.A. Time.

Oh great.

Just, you know, ahead and we won't,
you know, they're not gonna bug you.

You're here, you're safe,
it's all good.

- I'm sorry. Enjoy.
- No, it's okay.

- Thank you.
- Take care.

What up sexy Shane?

What's up, Nik?

So uh...

I think I've seen enough
of this place.

- All in two seconds, you're done?
- All in two seconds.

Yeah, you wanna get outta here?

- You, uh...
- ???

- You have a car?
- I do have a car.

- Let's go.
- Alright.

We're gonna have to sneak
by these two at the door.

- Yeah, you go first.
- Alright.

- Come on, I kinda need a bluff.
- You go first.

- Are you guys going?
- Wait. No,

I just forgot something in my car.
I'll be right back.

- Alright, great.
- Shane's gonna come with me.

- Help me look find it.
- Yeah, you got it.

- Okay, cool. Cool.
- Have fun.

Oh, I wish those could be
one at a time.

I'm not doing, Kit.

I'm gonna go home.

You're gonna be alright.

Yeah, I'll just, uh,

I'll take a sleeping pill.

Good night.

You know, love sucks.

It really does.

Then again, it can be grand.

Have we met?

Briefly.

I noticed you earlier.

Right, right, right.

And I thought to myself

that's one of the most
beautiful women I've ever seen.

And I'd love
nothing more than to

take her home with me
tonight and

wake up in the morning

with her arms and legs
wrapped around me.

You know her?

Yeah, we work together.

Unfortunately she only
thinks of me as her girlfriend.

They're like the
ultimate power couple those two.

- "Jade Temple Budda"
by Shanghi Restoration Project -

Who? Bette and Kelly?

I know they're not a couple.
They just seem like one, don't they?

Look at the way
that they touch each other,

the way that they finish
each other's sentences.

Have any of you guys seen Shane?

- Did somebody say something?
- Alice, I'm serious.

- Have you seen Shane?
- We haven't seen her.

I feel sorry for her.

Don't!

She just wears
that she's been really damaged.

That's the one thing that
scares me about having kids.

I thought you did...
I thought you wanted them.

Oh, I do.

Without question, but,

at some point there's always
history you have to overcome.

And just parents can...

I know what you mean.

I thought you loved your parents.

No, I do, but,

I don't know, like, it scares
the shit out of me when I,

when I see myself
acting just like them.

- Behaving like them.
- Yeah, exactly.

Like my dad.

He was such an asshole.

I don't know how my mom
put up with it.

Did your dad pull any of that
macho military shit

- when you were growing up?
- Oh yeah, big time.

Yeah, so did mine.

It was just cops though.

He did never...?

What about your bros?

He'd beat the shit out of them.

I remember one time

he'd beat my oldest brother
so badly that

my mom had to keep him
from highschool like three days.

And then she covered
for my dad.

It's crazy.

God! My mom used to cover
for my dad too.

I mean, he never touched
me or my mom, but...

Actually he never noticed us.

I got more decorations
than any of my brothers and

this was the point like where

I said, "Yeah, he's gonna
notice me now", but

he still didn't give a shit.

That's why I quit the academy.

Right when I was in the
middle of it I realized that

I was doing it
just to get his attention.

The only time my dad
ever paid attention to me

was when I got my discharge.

And then he said that

that I'm disgraced
by my country.

Oh god!

You didn't disgrace anyone.

You are amazing.

You're amazing.

Why didn't you tell me
any of that? Ever?

I don't know.

Well, it doesn't really matter.

You know, it's how
it's always been.

It's not gonna change anything.

Well, you've got me.

I'm gonna give you
lots of attention.

Jamie, huh,
I've gotta thank you.

I mean, Tasha's never
opened up like that before.

I guess it's 'cause
you're a counselor. Maybe.

Anything I could do to help.

- "Angel" by Lucia Iman -

So what are you doing
right now?

I'm just focusing it.

That's good.

Is everyone
as old school as you?

Prehistoric devices?

Yeah, I really like to,
you know,

honor tradition.

And that's the image
right there?

Yeah,
that would be the image.

It just lightens up
the shadows a little bit.

We'll see.

Oh, you really know
what you're doing.

Not really. I've just like tried it
earlier one at the time.

This is so cool.

Don't tell me
you've never seen this before?

I actually have not.

I forgot
you were born in 2001.

Oh, good one.

It's alright, grandpa.

Wait, who is that?

Is that Molly?

She looks good on that picture.

Yeah, she does.

When did you take it?

I don't even remember.

Well, that's really beautiful,
Shane.

You think?

You're

quite the photog there, Shane.

Maybe sometime

- you could shoot me.
- What are you doing?

You know what I'm doing.

What's wrong?

What? What is it? Shane?

Oh god!

You don't think
you're contagious, right?

Shut up, Nikki.

I'm just going.

- Thank you so much.
- Oh, she was an angel.

I'm glad that it was such
a big success.

It was 60?

Did I not...? Oh no, sorry.

- Cool, I'll see you next time.
- Yeah, good night.

- Drive safely.
- I will.

- How are you?
- What are you doing here?

I was home and I just,

I just, I'm overly excited.
I mean this night was just

beyond, you know?
Can I, can I come in?

I just, I wanted to,

to continue celebrating with you,
so...

God, this is wow, amazing.

Hey, leave a message,
I'll call you back.

Hey, Shane, where are you?
I've been to the Hit,

I've been to the Falcon,
I've been to Truck Stop,

I've driving from one end of
Santa Monica Boulevard to the other,

I'm getting ready to go
to the fucking police station.

Can you...?

Where have you been?

Although I...

I think I ate something.

Here.

Oh fuck!

Come on.
It's time to go home.

Here, put your arm around me,
okay?

- Are you gonna be sick?
- Wait a second.

Oh honey,

my poor angel.

- It's okay.
- Fuck!

It's okay.

- Oh god!
- Are you gonna be sick again?

I'm coming!

Do you understand that everyone
knows about us now, okay?

- "Did You Tell Her" by BETTY -

The night was so amazing!
Everyone is calling me from

New York, Wentworth to Porter!

This is incredible!

The show pratically sold out.
Can I have some of that, please?

Shake it, don't fake it.

- Wentworth-Porter.
- Give me some.

Wait, wait, wait, Ed,
can we talk about Ed?

Ed, excuse me, Brocher,
was there, okay?

My dear friend. He comes
to all of my openings.

Come on, wait, tonight,
can I just say

that I would kill

- to show him what...
- Just take it easy.

Give it a couple of years

and maybe we'll approach him
???

- That would be waiting.
- Just trust me.

Cheers.

Good night.

It's gonna be better tomorrow.

I'm gonna be right next door
if you need me.

Good work!

Oh partner!

What are you doing?

I'm just cashing in on

a little rain check?

You think so?

- You're drunk?
- No, I'm not.

- Yeah, you are.
- I'm, I'm

telling you how I feel.

You're really drunk 'cause
you know what? That coupon

it

expired like 15 years ago.

- Oh no, I don't think so.
- Yeah, it did.

Read it closely.

Really?

I am in love with Tina

and I have no intention
or desire... Stop it.

- Nice move, Wentworth.
- ???

Jesus,

- I'm calling your mother.
- Oh my god!

Please tell me
these are not destroyed.

Sleep well.

Thanks for taking care of me.

Of course.

I'm always gonna
be there for you, Shane.

Good night.

How about you get a cab
and drive you home?

- Shit!
- I'm sorry. Are you okay?

- Yes.
- Oh my gosh...

We're just gonna forget
about this, okay?

I'm sorry.

Oh, Bette...