The L Word (2004–2009): Season 6, Episode 5 - Litmus Test - full transcript

Wait, let me write that.

- Hold on one second.
- Okay, what's the studio?

Okay, great.

- I'm so glad you like this base.
- Yeah, I read that treatment.

- No, it is amazing.
- Yeah, no, I hated it.

- No, frankly. Plus he's designed to...
- He's a real asshole to work with.

- Everybody say so.
- Absolutely. Every single aspect.

Yeah, actually she pitched it
to me on my blackberry.

- What? You are kiding me!
- Well, we couln't be more thrilled.

Absolutely.

- Half a million dollars?!
- I can't wait for you to meet Kelly.



No way!

- Great, we're looking forward to it.
- He's gonna be

- so pissed.
- Okay, what, you know?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, sure. No problem.

- Alright, we'll see you then.
- Really?

- Alright. Bye-bye.
- Wow! Oh my god!

You two have just really moved
your offices right on in here, huh?

- Wow, that's amazing.
- That's construction is a fucking nightmare.

- It's so different.
- The next time I get the bright idea

- to double the square foot of my house?
- Very commercial.

Please, talk me out of it.

Yeah, it's on tuesday.

- "Traffic Light"
by the Ting Tings -

- Guess what?
- What?



Jenny sold her script.

What? Wait... I didn't even know
she was working a screenplay.

- I didn't... Yeah.
- She goes to show you.

She was depressed and

someone stole her movie
right of from under

and she just sat
right back down and

she just banged out
another script.

Just cranked it out?

- Good for her.
- Yeah.

There was a bidding war.
Guess how much it sold for?

- How much?
- Half a million dollars.

No, shit! Wow!
Half a million?

Yeah, you know,
I would have been on it myself,

but you know Aaron,
he's such a shortsighted prig.

- He hates Jenny.
- Well, that's great for her.

Wonder what it's about
this time, huh?

MUSIC

Should I be worried? I mean,
did she go through the garbage

to make a pull new set of lies
about our relationship?

No, this one's completely
different.

It's an action-comedy

about a talk show host
and a cop.

And the talk show host gets
embroiled in this like murder mystery,

but the movie really revolves
around the romance

between the talk show host
and the cop.

It's kinda like a foul play,

- meets, uh...
- "Mr and Mrs Smith"?

Yeah, sort of.
So, for this it's gonna be

huge. It's a great concept.

- Oh my... You guys!
- Big blockbuster potential.

That's my story!

- What?
- What?

That's, that's my story!

Oh god!

Schecter is so fucking dead!

{a6}Half a million dollars?!

{a6}Excuse me?

{a6}You sold your screenplay
for half a million dollars?!

{a6}Yeah. I'm so relieved.

{a6}Shane's taking me out
tonight to

{a6}go to dinner to celebrate.
If you wanna come...

Jenny, you stole my idea!

What are you talking about?

{a6}The treatment that I gave you
about the screenplay

{a6}that I was gonna write!
With the,

{a6}with the talk show host
who falls for the cop,

{a6}who, who gets involved
in a murder plot.

{a6}I believe,
if I remember right,

{a6}you said
it was a terrible idea.

{a6}I think your exact words were

{a6}contrived, boring,

{a6}unsellable?

Right. That jumble of ideas
that you gave me?

- The treatment, yes.
- Oh, Alice.

In no universe would that
mish-mash of ideas

be considered a sellable treatment,
and for your information,

{a6}I've been working
on a screenplay of my own

{a6}for the last couple of
months and if it happens to bear

{a6}some ressemblance to
something that your jotted down

{a6}then it's pure coincidence.

{a6}- Oh my god!
- It happens all the time in Hollywood.

{a6}Where people steal
their friends' ideas and then

they sell them off as their own.
Is that what you're trying to say?

No, it's something called
the idea well, okay?

- Oh my god...
- There is a well.

{a6}All of the writers
drink from the same fountain.

{a6}Okay? But,

{a6}it takes genius, talent,
craftsmanship,

{a6}to take a kernel
of an idea

{a6}and turn it into,

{a6}tada!
A sellable screenplay, okay?

Jenny, you are
so fucking full of shit!

Hey, what's going on?

Hi.

She's crossed the fucking line,
Shane. She has

fucking crossed it. I...
This is how it's gonna be.

If you, if you continue to

shack up with this

fucking lying, stealing

snake in the fucking grass,
I swear to God,

I cannot consider you
to be my friend anymore.

A fucking joke!

What... Jen, what's that?

I don't... I guess she has
some misguided idea that

I stole the idea of
her screenplay.

I don't know.

She is pissed off!

I guess she'll just have
to get over it.

MUSIC

What do you mean Jenny stole
your idea? That's crazy!

She doesn't even deny doing it.

She was like
"It happens to be similar".

You know what?
I feel bad about this.

Because I'm the one
that sent you...

It's not your fault. I mean,
how were we supposed to know

that she was gonna fucking
screw me over like that?

Can you sue her? I mean,

does Joyce do
copy right infrigement?

No, it doesn't work that way.

- What are you gonna do?
- I don't...

I can't even talk about it
anymore. It's just like I'm...

You know what I mean?

Why are you guys still here?

I'm working from home
and yet I have no home...

And ever since I've been accused
of stealing the negative,

it's too uncomfortable
to go to the office.

So, I'm just avoiding it.

I only have to go back
later on the day.

- What?
- What?

Oh, I'm going to Hit tonight,
you guys,

with Tasha and Jamie,
if you wanna go.

Is Jamie that girl

that you guys have been
hanging out with all the time?

Oh my... Yes!

Yeah. She's

awesome!
She's so cool, you guys.

We actually went to that sushi bar
you were telling me about,

on Mandchura. It was fun.

What?

You're having a third wheel crush.

- You and Tasha.
- Yeah, definitively.

Oh my god... We're...

Just friends.

She's a friend.

We love her as in friend love.

- It's friend love.
- You so are!

You have
all the telltale signs.

Signs, Bette? Really?
What signs?

Well, let's see.
It starts when,

you know, you've been dating
your partner for quite a while

and you're starting
to go bored with one another

and then you start fighting
all the time.

We're not fighting.

- What?
- Wait...

I mean, there's a little bit
of fighting. Maybe.

And then
you meet a new person,

and you start hanging out
all the time, the three of you,

doing everything together,
and you know what?

It's just great.
And this new person

starts to revatalize
the relationship,

pouring all this energy
and then excitment into it.

And this syndrome?
It can last

weeks, months,

or even

like...

- Remember Sally?
- Go-Go Lisa?

- That almost lasted the year.
- I know.

Just as long as it doesn't end...

- tip.
- Tip.

Tip?

Well, when one member
of the couple, you know,

falls in love with the third wheel
and then decides to act on it.

Because then...

- What, Bette?
- Well...

You're so wrong!

I can't even tell you
how wrong you are!

So you just check yourself
before you wreck yourself.

- Come on.
- What?

We think that Tasha and Alice
are having a third wheel cruch with

Jamie.

- Jamie?
- You know what, Helena?

MUSIC

Girl, honey,

that's dangerous business.

Dangerous business.

And speaking of
dangerous business...

I could do
without the segue, Kit.

What?

What?

I'm having

dinner with Dylan
on saturday night.

- Are you on crack?
- What?
- Let me tell you.

- Let me tell you.
- Are you crazy?

- You're a masochist?
- Plus mine. Totally.

Why?

I

can't help myself.

- Oh my...
- Dylan

has colonized my thoughts.

- Wow, that's deep.
- Really? Colonized?

She told Tina
I was the love of her life.

And now, I can't think
of anything else. And honestly?

- I'm sick of trying.
- Helena, this is a terrible,

terrible idea. I mean,

shouldn't you just make
a little bit of an effort to know?

- Know what?
- Know that she's not gonna

- fuck you over again.
- Thank you.

Helena, she really put you
in the shit the last time.

What are you gonna do, Alice?
You're gonna make

- Dylan file a questionnaire?
- I don't know, Helena. I don't know.

MUSIC

You know what?

Maybe not a questionnaire.
Maybe more like a test.

- A test?
- You guys,

what if we thought of a test

that would prove
once and for all

whether Dylan is
this sleazy

gold digging opportunist or

is she this misunderstood,

reformed

filmmaker
who just happened to get

wrapped up with the wrong guy
who made her steal the money?

Oh yeah, that's good a test.

Wait, you can't test Dylan.

What?
There's a test for eveything.

- What would it look like?
- A love test?

No, it's more like a

test of character.

Yes, thank you.

'Cause there's things
we need to know, right?

I mean, one, is Dylan
just after you for the money.

Two, is she still a conniving
ambitious

who'd do anything to
advance her career up and...

or has she really changed?

Three, does she love you,
and only you,

or would she love anyone

rich enough or pretty enough to

offer her...

What if we hire an escort
to seduce Dylan?

No, that would just prove
she's a...

It's gotta be something bigger.

Like someone that
would advance her career.

That sort of thing, you know?

Nikki Stevens.

I mean, I think, really

this whole thing is incredibly
juvenile and ill-advised, but...

But?

You know, if you want to ensnare
Dylan in some kinda test

what would do is to get Niki
to pretend that she is in this

big movie
and she is interested

in having Dylan direct it.

I mean, it'd be tempting, right?
For a struggling film maker?

That would be great.
Nikki is huge right now

so that would be a major
payday for any new director.

And then we can have Nikki
hit on her

and then see if she sells Helena
out for the big time. Yes!

I don't know. I mean,

you just seem a little
over the top?

Don't you just wanna know?

I mean, don't you just
really wanna know

who's you're dealing with?
Once and for all?

Come on, it'll give you
peace of mind.

MUSIC??????

I suppose

I'd be curious to see
what would happen.

- That's the spirit! Yes!
- This is absurd.

- It will be fun.
- This is gonna happen tonight.

- It has to.
- We can't. We've got a dinner.

But it has to be tonight.
Her dinner with Dylan is tomorrow.

Yeah, you guys.
Tonight, for sure.

Okay. The only thing is
somebody needs to call Nikki.

Tina knows her.

Yeah, I do. But she's not
gonna do it for me.

We have to bring in
Shane and Jenny on this one.

I'm not talking to them
right now. Especially not Jenny.

- Fine, I'll do it.
- Doesn't Jenny hate Nikki?

Yeah, but she loves intrigue.

And she doesn't have
to have any contact with Nikki.

All she has to do

is impersonate her manager.

This is how
this is all gonna go now.

Shane will go

and talk to Nikki on the set
of her latest movie.

Nikki still a hot for Shane.

So it should be easy for Shane
to convince her.

So you want me
to seduce some girl for you?

Yeah, but
no need to sleep with her.

We just wanna check
if she's gonna be into it.

And what's in it for me?

Just the knowledge
that you're helping a friend.

Well, I can think of more
fun ways to help you, Shane.

Thanks, Nikk.

No problem.

And then I will corral Jenny
to impersonate Nikki's manager.

Jenny's had enough
runnings with her, so,

she should do a good job.

Nikki Stevens is hot, hot, hot.

She is turbo hot.

She is so hot,
I'm getting hot flashes.

So I say to her
"Who do you wanna work with?"

Who do you want
to work with? Spielberg?

Do you want to work with
Scorsese?

- Soderberg.
- Soderberg?

And you know what
she says to me? Shes says no.

That's not who I wanna
work with.

I wanna work with

Dylan Moreland.

It's weird. I've only directed
a few obscur documentaries.

She loves your documentaries!

She fucking loved
your documentaries!

So basically, here's the deal.
Nikki has a pep project, okay?

I want you to read it and...

- There's money.
- So...

And you will also
get lots of money.

Okay, well, you know what?

We don't, we don't
have to talk about the money

right now, but,

you know, I think
I just need to read the script.

I'll messenger it to you tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
go meet her at

- Hit.
- Really?

She wants to meet at Hit?

Yeah, she definitively wants
to meet at Hit

- because she is, uh...
- Young.

Young! She likes to party.

And she is a whipper-snapper.
What are you gonna do?

I'll meet her there.

Dylan will then call Helena
because at this point

she's still playing
both ends against the middle.

She won't wanna upset Helena.
Not before she's... Nikki.

Hello? The Planet?

Listen, um...

I just got this really odd call
from Nikki Stevens' manager.

Nikki Stevens, the film star?

Yeah, I know, it's uh...

It's kind of strange, but,

she wants to meet me
tonight at your club

about a possible
directing job.

Right. No, I mean,
I'm sure that'll be fine.

It's an exciting
opportunity for you.

We're still on for dinner
tomorrow night?

If you don't get a better offer.

We just wait and see now.

MUSIC????

- You just missed Tina.
- I did?

Yes.

I'm tired.

Oh, guess what. She

and Alice

went kick, concoted
this very silly scheme.

Well, they're trying to get
Nikki to hook up with Dylan.

- I know.
- You know.

They brought me in.

- They did?
- Yeah.

How?

I'm doing that job on Paramel.

So Alice asked me to stop by
the studio of Nikki's movie.

- What?
- To see if she wanted to go out tonight.

- You saw Nikki?
- Yeah, for about 5 minutes.

She seemed into though.
I think she's gonna come out.

Well, you can't,

you can't do that.

Do what?

You can't

see Nikki. I forbid it.

- You forbid it?
- Yeah!

She betrayed us.

So you shouldn't go talking
to her like it's no big deal.

It isn't a big deal.

Jen, come on. I'm...

There is nothing.

There is nothing going on
between Nikki and I.

Nothing.

And trust me. I'm with you.

You are?

I'm with you.

- You believe me?
- Yeah.

So then

you don't have
to talk to her again, okay?

Jen, you can't forbid me
to see someone. I'm not 12.

I'm gonna see her
if she's around.

Obviously you can do
whatever you want.

- Oh, can I?
- Yeah, you can.

I just wanna say
one more thing, okay?

That girl betrayed us

in the most fundamental way.

She threatened to destroy
the foundation of our relationship

that we have created
over so many years

and I hate her!

I hate her so much for that.

And out of loyalty to me
you should hate her too.

Okay, you know what?
First of all,

that was me. I'm the primary
founder in that one because

she had no idea

or romantic feelings
towards me. In fact,

she was
profoundly in love with you.

So if you're gonna blame
anybody,

- you should blame me.
- I think that she seduced you

and I think that she really tried
to get in between the two of us.

And I think that she's trying to
get in between the two of us again.

And I think that
you're letting her do it.

I'm not letting her do anyhting!
What is wrong with you?

I'm not

being unreasonable.

When I think of
the two of you together,

it does make me
really uncomfortable.

And you said that you wanted
our relationship to be different

from all the other relationships
you've had.

Right?

So we both need
to make some changes, right?

Which should be pretty easy.

Right?

Unless you still have
feelings for her. Just...

I mean, I don't get it.

What language do I have
to tell this to you in,

so you'll get that I do not

have any feelings

- for Nikki.
- Okay.

Then it shouldn't be difficult

- never to speak to her again.
- Oh god! You know,

you've gotta back off.

I was wrong.

- What?
- I am wrong.

And I should trust you.

Did you just say
what I think you said?

I need to learn
how to trust you.

- Thank you!
- You're welcome.

That's all I wanted to hear.

- You have to trust me.
- Yes.

- No fighting.
- No fighting. Come on.

What?

MUSIC

So we were having
a fabulous time

and I said

Philip, you have to loosen up,
I mean,

life is too short
for boring men.

Bette, you never told me
your partner was such a firecracker.

Oh, my god.

Where did you two meet?

At university. Kelly was
my... in art history.

Oh, that is the boring answer

and the theme
of the evening is...

No bores!

- The truth is...
- Tell me.

Bette was in love with me.

So were you two...

- Never.
- No,

I missed my big opportunity.

But now she's taken
by the lovely Tina Kennard.

You never know.

Tina and I have been together

happily

- for a long, long time.
- Key word, happily.

- Happily.
- Key word.

So, Philip, are you uh...

Oh, I'm sorry,
I've got to take this call.

- Who is it?
- Excuse me. I'll be right back.

I think you should just
take it down, just a

- notch.
- Oh, come on, we're having fun.

I know, but I don't think
it's a good idea

to hit on an artist
especially a night

right. before the show.

Bette, I'm sorry. Can you
talk to Jason about tomorrow?

- He's confused.
- Sure.

Thank you.

Behave yourself.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm transporting

a number of pieces tomorrow.
Oh, it's just...

- a complete headache.
- No, no, don't worry.

Bette will work it out.
She's very brilliant.

- And um...
- Right.

- No, that was the first time...
- Very beautiful.

Always has been.

- But, um...
- To me, she's

the one that got away.

What a shame!

But, um...

As you said, she is taken.

Does it bother that I flirt
shamelessly with your girlfriend?

No, no, flirt away.

I mean, Bette knows that
if she were to ever cheat on me,

then that would be
the end of us.

So, if it makes you feel

scandalous and sexy to tease her
with her co-oed crush,

have at it.

Thanks. I will.

Thank you, Phylip.
What did I miss?

- Nothing.
- Thank you.

We were just talking.

These wines...

William and Aaron just
walked in

with Martine Lucas and
Susan Kalogridis.

They're two screenwriters

that I've been working
on a project with for three years.

So, what's wrong with that?

I wasn't invited.

That, in Hollywood, is how
you know that you've been fired.

MUSIC

Jesus! Helena!

Big Brother room?

Bo, it's Dawn Denbo's
security system.

She's got cameras
in every corner of the club.

Look, you can

zoom in.

It's got microphones.

We have them placed
at every table.

So you can hear everything
that's going on

anywhere in the club.
Every table.

Remember to never talk shit
about you, huh?

- Wow!
- Check this out!

Oh my god!

What is she doing here?

I really don't understand
what this is all about.

I just think
it's a huge misunderstanding.

- I really do.
- What?!

What about it
did I misunderstand?

Was it when Jenny

stole my idea or when she
sold it for half a million dollars?

I'm sorry, I really, I can't
be around you right now.

Alice, please.

Please just stop
acting like a child.

I did not steal your idea!

Alice, was it your idea
when a terrorrist

has a nuclear weapon that's
gonna blow up the building?

Or was it your idea when
the hero of a romantic comedy

has to rush into a wedding

in order to save his beloved
from getting married? Or,

wait, was "Beverly Hills Cop"
your idea too?

Can you just stop
slinging your bullshit at me?

I'm serious. Maybe Shane
is buying into your act,

obviously she is. But I,
I see you, okay?

It's like... Stay away from me
before I fucking kill you!

- Alright?
- Okay, okay, enough already.

She's here, she's here!

- Oh, shit, Nikki!
- Guys, I'll meet you in there.

What do you wanna do?

Oh, wait a second.

Right on schedule.

Alright.

Why does Nikki
have your phone number?

'Cause I gave it to her.

- Nik?
- Nikki Stevens, reporting for duty.

Hello! I see you.

Okay, hold on a second.

MUSIC???

I mean, you know, we're here,
with..., the cameras...

I mean, I think
you should do it.

Do it, do it, do it, Helena.

- Come on, girl.
- Do it.

Just do it.

Do it.

- Alright.
- Do it, do it.

Roger that.

Roger that.

Here she goes.

Oh my gosh,
that's Nikki Stevens!

I love her.

Oh my god, it's Nikki Stevens.

- Have a drink with us.
- Cheers!

Cheers!

Alright, I need to go in there.
See you, guys.

Nikki Stevens,
can we get a picture?

Thanks.

Thank you so much for coming.

Yeah, I'm, I'm so grateful

and honestly a little surprised
that you wanted to meet with me.

Oh my god, no.
I have been a fan of yours

ever since I saw
"There's always something".

"The other side of nothing".

Right. Right.

Bring it back, Nikki.
Come on.

You know, it's really funny
you've picked this room.

- Why?
- This happens to be my luck spot.

Last week, I made out with
the most gorgeous woman ever,

right there.

That's...

...
- Do you want a drink?

- Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks.
- Oh, no, really, they make the best.

MUSIC

That is some fucking nerve, huh?

Hollywood is so tacky.

Aaron is a scum-sucking,
fucking miscreant.

I need to get some air.

Right? I'll be back.

Excuse me. Sorry.

I hope she's okay.

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

What needs to be done.

So I'll have legal go through
all the resource material.

It's Bette, right?

- It's Aaron, right?
- Yeah.

The bald impotent worm
we've all been talking about.

- Excuse me?
- It is fucking stupefying to me

how you can sit here with
Martine, Suzanne, right?

- Tina's writers and...
- Bette.

What?

What are you doing?

I'm defending you.

I do not need you
to defend me.

I'm perfectly capable
of speaking for myself.

- I know. I'm sorry.
- I'm so happy to be done with dykes.

What did you say?

I said I am so happy

to be done

with dykes.

You stupid fucking cocksucker!
How dare you

sit there with that
smug little smile on your face

and wine and dine my writers
on a project

that took me three years
to put together

as if you had anything,

anything to do with it!

He said
you're a talentless hacks.

Yeah, and I begged him,
I begged him to hire you.

I have put everything
into this job!

I have put my heart,
and my soul, and my talent

and to making you both look good,
time and time in again.

And how do you repay me?

By stealing my contacts
and icing me.

- Tina, keep your voice down.
- Shut your piehole, Aaron!

I have never, in all of my life,
work for such an

idiotic, mindless, juvenile,
cruel, pathetic loser

of a human being such as you.

You are souless,

and you are everything
about this

fucking Hollywood that I hate!

Oh this is really uncalled for.

Uncalled for? You know
what's uncalled for?

A billionaire stealing
the negative of his own movie

just so he can put in
a claim for insurance money.

- What are you talking about?
- ...

...

To forge my signature
on a letter

accusing me of theft and fraud?!

It's just
down right criminal, William.

And don't think,
don't think for a second

that you are gonna
fucking get away with it.

Because I know.

I know.

Enjoy your dinner.

MUSIC

She's flipped.

I think that this film should be,
you know, really beautiful

and glamourous, you know,
like

"Atonement", oh my god,
I love that movie.

No, I did too. But I kinda,

I disagree a little. I,

I think this is a small
delicat film,

and it should be spared
and naturalistic,

like uh,

like "Down to the Bone".

But that girl looked awful
in that movie.

I thought she was good.

I mean, she let herself be awful

because that's what
the character required.

I mean, she was real,

and compelling and,
and riveting.

Oh my god!

I mean, you are so right.
I mean, that's brilliant!

I mean, if you think about it,
if you really wanna win an oscar,

I mean, you've got to play
ugly, retarded or lesbian.

- She's totally right.
- I've totally said that before.

- It's true.
- Totally true.

I've already
played a lesbian, so...

Wait a minute, I'm so sorry.
What are you talking about?

I know, well, you just
do the math. I mean, okay.

Charlize Theron, "Monster".

Ugly, lesbian, oscar.

Nicole Kidman in "The Hours".
Plus that nose?

Really ugly.

Lesbian? Oscar.

Such a good nose too, right?

And Sean Penn in "I am Sam".

Retarded? Oscar note.

And Hilary Swank?

In "Boys don't cry"?

- Total lesbian.
- Right.

I get your point, I really do.

But I don't, I don't think
you have got to be ugly. I just,

you've gotta be real.

Yeah, that's what I mean.
Real.

- You are a genius.
- Dylan, she can't be

real! It's all an act!

I think Dylan's being completely
appropriate. Don't you think?

No, no, don't give her
that much credit yet because

Nikki is Nikki.
Look, look,

Nikki is about to make her move
right about

now.

Right now.

Oh my god, you're right.

How did you know?

Called...

Brace yourself, ladies.

That's so cute.

- Ooh, unnecessary touch.
- Thanks.

- Don't fall for it, Dylan.
- So is there anyone special?

Actually,

actually there is
someone very special.

Are you guys together?

I'd like to be.

But

I did something really really
fucked up in the past

and

it's not really something
you can undo.

Yeah, I've done a lot of
fucked up things in my life too.

Really?

Do you regret doing them?

Always.

But then, you know,

sometimes it just

feels so good at the moment,
you know?

How old are you?

Why?

I don't know. I just...

I tend to always be attracted
to older women.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

- What are you doing?
- What happened?

Sorry! Do something!

- Fix it!
- I'm trying, I'm trying. Hold on.

Okay, don't touch it.

- Don't touch it.
- ... really, really

exciting project.

Right.

In order for me
to do my best work,

I need a director that

I can really trust.

You know, someone that I can

be very close with.

You know,

I'm not really sure
where you're going with this.

You know exactly
where she's going.

I might be
out of line here, but

MUSIC

I can't get involved with you.

Why not?

Well, for one, it's unethical.

And it's not really
a good idea for

the director to get involved
with the star of the movie.

I guess
you didn't get that memo, huh?

- Fuck off.
- Plus,

there's someone
I'm in love with.

What she doesn't know

- can't hurt her.
- Okay, she's going in.

If you wanna

direct this film,

then you're gonna have
to come home with me

tonight.

I guess I'm not gonna be
directing this movie.

- Congratulations!
- Yeah!

I feel like this is really...

She passed!
What do you think?

She's not a scumbag.

- Oh my god!
- Congratulations!

You did it! I mean,
she did it, right?

...

- This is great.
- Smile.

It worked.

Uh, you're gonna come out?

Yeah, no,
I'll be there in a minute.

MUSIC

How did your meeting go?

Well, it's probably not
gonna work out.

Why not?

I just don't think I was
what she was looking for.

Do you mind if I...?

Please.

Tina told me
what you said to her.

That's all true.

You know, I came back
to L.A. after

all this time

because

I could never stop
thinking about you.

Never.

No, I'm madly in love with you,
Helena.

And

I always have been.

Always.

And I get it. Really.

If you wanna see me,
you don't wanna see me.

I understand. Really.

It just I was hoping I...

Nevermind.

Let's go somewhere
we can talk. This place just...

It's not private.

MUSIC

Jen, what are you doing?

- What were you doing?
- I was reading your text messages.

Yeah, no shit. You were
seeing if Nikki texted me.

I was seeing because
she has your phone number.

She's not texting me, Jenny, okay?

I wanted to see if she was...
If you were texting her.

I don't know why you guys...

I was like I'm...

I know, I was just like...

- What?
- I need your help, okay?

She's driving me fucking crazy.

And all I need is five minutes.
Will you please just keep her busy?

I'm not talking to her,
and you know that.

Yes, you are, you're gonna
talk to her because

I'm gonna go outside and
if she comes looking for me,

you're gonna call.

- For me?
- I said okay.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

Someone told me that
I left my headlights on.

So I'm just gonna go

- out a little bit.
- Can you please not leave?

It'll be five minutes.

It'll be five minutes.
Five minutes, Jen. Five.

That was taken
when I was in Thailand.

I don't

really know
what I'm doing here.

Maybe we can just talk?

When where you in Thailand?

About a year ago.

I had this job where
I was shooting rubber trees.

Do you want milk?

We'd get up really early
every morning and

this guy,
his name was Naniam,

he would show me
these rubber trees and...

Are you really interested
in rubber trees right now?

MUSIC

You mind if I bum one?

No. Sure.

- Here.
- Thanks.

I've been trying to quit but
it doesn't seem to be working.

That was really sweet
what you did today.

No, no, it was my pleasure.

It was actually pretty fun.

I imagine.

Enjoy it.

What,
you're not gonna talk to me?

I shouldn't.

Why not?

Jenny is inside.

What about her?

We're together.

And

I don't think
she'd be terribly comfortable

if she came out here
and saw us, you know,

talking. Considering...

Yeah, I'm, I'm stupid.

I thought, when you stopped by
this morning, that uh,

- you know, maybe...
- Oh, no. Oh shit.

Nikk, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean that.

I think you're a super sweet girl.
I hope you know that.

And if Jenny wasn't
in the picture, maybe,

you know,
things would be different.

I'll see you inside.

Hey, if it uh, if it doesn't
work out between you two,

you know where to find me.

Come on, just because the rules
of Hollywood are doggy-dog

doesn't mean
friends need to act that way.

- I don't even know who you are.
- Okay, it may be none of my business.

- It's just what I think.
- You know what? It's okay.

- It's actually not your business.
- Oh, kill it, Jenny!

Alice brought you an idea

and then that idea somehow
ends up in your screenplay?

Come on, it's unethical!

Her idea is not
an original idea, okay?

So stay the fuck out of it.
This is so crazy!

Why are you letting this dumb
business affect our friendship?

- We're supposed to be good friends.
- Really? Jenny?

- Yes.
- Are we? I don't think so, okay?

I think we're friends with
other people who are friends.

- But you and I? Not so much.
- Oh, really? Shane! Please...

Can you tell her
that I did not do anything

- and that she is wrong.
- Oh yeah!

Just say that I'm wrong
and your girlfriend's right.

I'd really like
to hear you say that one.

Oh my god! Look what
you're doing to this poor girl!

You're making her take a side!

Look, look
what she's doing now.

Now she's forcing you
to take a side.

So you should pick a side.

- Pick one.
- I'm not picking a side.

- No!
- Oh, you're not? Okay.

Oh fuck! Oh come on, Jenny.

And there she goes.
You know, I gotta get out of here.

- You don't wanna ruin the night.
- I'm having the worst time ever.

- Come on, just have some fun.
- I'm about to...

- Tasha, I really wanna go.
- Alice, don't bother.

- She's the fucking devil!
- Don't give her your energy.

Let's have fun.

Jesus Christ,
will you talk to me?

Where were you?
Where did you go?

I was smoking.

- Oh, Shane, my god, we quit!
- You quit!

- I didn't quit!
- Why the fuck would you leave me

out there with them three?
To get... by the three musketeers?

Were you in the bathroom
fucking Nikki Stevens?

- Were you?!
- What the fuck are you talking about?!

Why are you being
fucking paranoid?!

Of course I'm being paranoid!
Because you're making me

act paranoid! You're making me
act crazy!

Okay, you know,
you've get to lay the fuck off.

'Cause I know
when you get all insecured

and paranoid,
all you wanna do

is control everything.

But you can't treat me
like I'm your fucking property!

So don't put me
in a fucking box!

- I'm putting you in a box?
- I am in a box.

Look at me right now. All I want
to make me do is act you.

- Is that a fucking trap?
- No!

- Okay, fuck you!
- Jenny, please, no listen.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm truely sorry.
I didn't mean that.

You're my dear darling friend

and I'm sorry
and we've been friends

way before all of this shit
happened, okay?

Right?

You're my best friend.

And I gotta say
if I had to choose today,

between this relationship
and our friendship,

I'd have to choose the friendship.

MUSIC

The only thing that's gonna
get in the way of our friendship

is if something gets in the way
of our romantic relationship.

I love you.

Me too.

I got it.

I gotta get out of here.

MUSIC

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

I'm scared.

I know.

Me too.

It's okay.