The L Word (2004–2009): Season 6, Episode 7 - Last Couple Standing - full transcript

Hello and welcome
to the 2009 Los Angeles

Gay and Lesbian Center
dance marathon.

And remember, all contestors
must register.

Please fill out your paperwork

and you will be given
a registration number.

You must wear these numbers
on each of the parties.

I found more safety pins.

- "Magician" by Terry Dexter -

Front and back, front and back.
Hi.

Oh god! I'm so excited
you came.

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.



Listen, I hope you brought
your dancing blownics

because Tasha, Jamie and I

are gonna wipe the floor
with you.

Our routine kills.
It kills!

Do you wanna know
what it is?

Not really.

Oh, I see.

You're trying to psych me out.

Acting like you don't care.
I know you care.

Listen, you tell me yours,
I'll tell you mine.

These your outfits?

Don't touch that.

What? Is that,

is that all you've got?



Oh, yeah, yeah. First of many.
So many more to come.

Oh, good,
'cause I was worried.

- What do they look like?
- Why would you like to know?

- Why are you so competitive?
- Me?!

What about you?

Alright, I've got to tell you
something. Come here.

Come here. I have a secret.

- What?
- I plan to

sweep this thing, okay?

Win all three competitions,
best dance, most money raised,

- last couple standing.
- Last couple standing?

- You know, for charity.
- Okay.

You're good?

- Don't tell anybody.
- No.

Look at what you've done.

I know, right?

Aw, so cute. Okay.

- Okay, what did I say?
- Bette?

Hey! Oh god, I'm so sorry.
I kinda forgot to call you back.

I just that I had a

major collector on the
other line. I just got distracted.

- I'm sorry.
- Is Tina here?

She's on her way.
She just had a meeting.

Can I, can I, can I...

I would like to talk to you
privately, please.

Sure.

For me? Thanks.

Did you tell her what happened?

- When?
- After the opening.

When she was out of town.

Yeah, I told her all about it.

You told her
about you and Kelly?

How she came back to you house
and you had sex with her?

What?

It's not funny.
I saw you through the window.

You weren't even trying
to hide it, Bette.

Look, I don't know what you think
you saw, but I can tell you

that however it appeared,
nothing happened.

- Then what did I see, Bette?
- I don't know. You tell me.

What did you see, Jenny?

I know this is hard.

And I know that you're trying
to be better,

- and this isn't easy...
- Look, nothing happened.

Kelly came over, she was drunk,
she spilled her drink,

I cleaned it up,
that's the end of the story.

- Let it go.
- Tina's my friend.

You know how it works.
People find out about these things.

How did it go?

Good. Really good.

- I'll tell you about it later.
- Okay. Great.

I think we should get you
registered.

- Come on.
- Okay.

Where do I sign up?

{\a6}Five minutes from here.

{\a6}Our first decade
is the seventies.

{\a6}Please stay ???

{\a6}to designate an aera
for your posessions.

{\a6}Weezie promised she
would have the guest bedroom

{\a6}ready
by the end of the week.

{\a6}I think
when that's finished,

{\a6}we should just
move in upstairs.

{\a6}We can finally have
a little bit of privacy.

{\a6}Bette,
he offered me a job.

{\a6}- James Chamas?
- Head of production.

{\a6}For Focus Features?
That's fucking fantastic!

{\a6}- Did you know that he'd...
- No, no, no, I had no idea.

{\a6}We were in our meeting and

{\a6}he starts asking me questions
about producer credits and,

{\a6}I don't know! He just looks
at me all of a sudden and he says,

{\a6}"Hey,
are you happy at Shaolin?" and

{\a6}he knows everything
that's going on,

{\a6}he's totally cool
about everything and,

{\a6}bam! He just offers me
a job, right there.

{\a6}Shut up! Oh my god!
You are such a fucking rock star!

{\a6}It's in New York.

{\a6}The job's in New York.

{\a6}They want you
to move to New York?

Who's moving to New York?

Not you, guys.

No one, no one.
We were just...

- I got offered a job and...
- Right.

I'm not gonna take it.

- I'm not.
- We still have to talk about it.

Yeah, you do
have to talk about it.

Look, our life is here.
We live here, okay?

- It's crazy. It's crazy.
- Your friends are here. Hello?

God!

And Bette, by the way
your work is here.

You just set a really big
gallery opening.

And we just rebuilt our house.

Yeah, about that, you guys.
Can we talk?

Are you really sure you wanna
have this girl moving with you?

This girl is
our birthmother, okay?

Her name is Marci, and
we're picking her up tomorrow,

- at 7' in the morning.
- At 7' in the morning.

That's why we can't stay
for the whole marathon.

Are you sure about that?

Why?
What are you trying to say?

Have you not seen "Baby Mama"?

Oh my god, it is so truthful,
it's like,

you're all gonna start happy
and then before you know it

you'll be waiting on her
hand and foot.

You're gonna be scared
to have sex in your own house.

And she's a teenager. She's gonna
hate you guys out of principle.

You know what?
She's 22 years old.

Okay, so she's gonna wanna
down like 50 beers after dinner

and you can't stop her.

- Or worse...
- What?

One of you guys could end up
having an affair with her.

Oh my god!

You guys, you could get on

loss in these
muchy mama feelings and

suck it to her one night.

- Okay, that's enough.
- I'm just saying

- it's a possibility.
- No, it's not a possibility.

I'm not some

fucking loose canon that just
fucks everything that walks, okay?

I can be trusted.

I didn't say
it was gonna be you.

Is Marci hot?

- Oh, you guys, you are...
- Freaking stop it!

You're bringing me down, M'am.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

your mister of ceremony
for the evening...

Peace, my sisters.

- Sunset Boulevard!
- Peace.

Alright, good evening!

- "The City Sleeps"
by The Charmless Hearts -

I see this goal here is empty.

But we'll fill it up, right?

We'll fill it up, alright.

Oh, here we go.

We are gonna fill it all...

Look at you.

That's my "Studio 54" look.

Give what you can.

Look, I'm sorry

about everything with Dylan.

I feel like we,

we pushed you into it.

Thank you for apologizing,
but,

I was complicit.
I wanted to know.

Great.

She's in love with you.

I'm gonna love you, ladies
and gentlemen. Let's do this.

Then where is she?

Now it's my great pleasure

to introduce you
to the director of

Children,
Youth and Family Services

at the Los Angeles
Gay and Lesbian Center,

Miss Jamie Chen.

- Wow, thank you guys so much.
- Here.

- Thank you.
- Come on.

There are thousands
of lesbian and gay

and bisexual and transgender
young people

living on the streets
of Los Angeles.

But we're here for them
to get them off the streets,

provide them food, shelter,
and counceling,

and just let them know
that they're not alone.

We are a family
and we stick together.

Okay. I would like to introduce
you now to someone

who's had a huge impact
in making this event possible,

our honoring co-chair and
I'm really proud to say my friend,

Alice Pieszecki.

Thank you so much.
I am not gonna bore you

with a really long story.
I will give you the overview.

Some of you might know that

I received a letter that I read
to millions of people on the air

when I worked on "The Look",

and since then
I have lost my job,

I met a really good friend,

I love my girlfriend
more than ever and

I owe this all
to someone very special.

There, I see you.
Marie, come here.

- Say hi.
- Hi.

Mary taught me something
very important and that's that

it's not a one-way street.

We can really
influence these kids, but

if you give them two seconds
of your time,

they can really turn
your life around.

And so I just wanted to thank you
for coming into my life, Marie.

Thank you.

Okay, our goal tonight is
to raise 250,000 dollars

for the
Jeff Griffith Youth Center.

Yes. I know you're all here
to have fun and dance

and that's great, but we also
wanna encourage you

to be very generous.
So if you feel like pledging,

please come up on the stage,
grap a microphone

and pledge.

So who wants to set the tone?

We do.

- We do?
- Yeah, we do.

Bette and Tina,
my really good friends.

They're amazing.

How much are you gonna donate?

We pledge 1,500 dollars.

Wow! That's amazing!

Is this... Isn't this easy?

You just come so
you can pick a microphone,

visualize the amount of money
you can give,

and just shut out a number.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to bring to the stage

the beautiful, the mystical,
the incomparable

Miss Kit Porter.

Oh my, my, my, look at you.

Oh no, look at you yourself.

- Now, I have a question for you.
- Ask, go on, sexy.

Would you be my dance partner
for this evening?

I don't even have to
think about it. That will be a

"yes" and then

"oh yes"!

Are you sure?

Oh, I'm sure.

- "Dances" by Elizabeth Ziff -

All numbers must be visible

on the front and back
of your costumes.

I'm really sorry about
what happened the other day.

Don't listen to anything
she says, Helena.

She's certifiable. Really.

Where is your number?

Hey, how come you all wear
the same one?

I thought it was 2 per team.

I know people who know people.

Helena,
you should dance with me.

Oh my god, you should.
You have to dance.

- Come on, you should do it. It'll be fun.
- Do it!

I don't want to disappoint you.
I'm not ready to step all night

- and dance?
- It's twelve little hours.

You can do that.

I stayed up all week
building my endurance.

I did. I mean,
Tasha stayed up with me.

Alright. And

where do I get
one of the number things?

It's your club? You don't know
where to get a number?

Come on. This way.
This way.

That was nice of you.

It's no big deal.
I'm happy to dance with her.

What?

If you don't know,
I'm not gonna tell you.

Now, the next twelve hours
we will dance the music

from the seventies, eighties,
nineties, and beyond.

The longer
you stay on your feet,

the more money you make
from your sponsors.

So the simple objective,
ladies and gentlemen,

stay on your feet.

Because if you sit,
you're out.

If you stand still
for too long...

...you're out.

Every three hours,

we're gonna have ourselves
a little dance contest.

All of you, beautiful contestors,

will be taught a simple dance.

It could be

the hustle.

The electric style.

A salsa.

A tango.

Now, now, if there is
no spring in your step...

...and no funk in your trunk,

you will be...

- ... eliminated.
- By one of our judges.

Well, the question is,

do you have
the staying power, huh?

Like can't you believe.

Everybody dance!

- "Discotheque" by Elin Lanto -

The 2009 dance marathon
has begun!

What?

Look who's here.

Who?

Look, don't let her
ruin your night, okay?

She's just probably here
to do some good.

You know?

I doubt it.

You know, when I first got here,
Jenny came up to me,

and she started talking to me
about...

- Remember I had the opening and...
- Guys, guys, guys, guys.

I have kind of a
weird feeling about tonight.

- About what?
- I'm not sure exactly.

You know what, Alice? I was just
really in the middle of something.

Is Jamie acting weird?

Not that I can tell.

- Alright.
- No, she seems fine.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

So anyway, I was saying, uh...

- After the opening...
- Like not even like,

a little, like a little vibe,
like no vibe over there?

Nothing weird?

- Not that I can tell.
- They're just dancing.

- Yeah, totally. Of course.
- I think.

Okay, dance. Dance.

What if they are?

That would so suck.

What were you saying?

Nevermind, it's nothing.
I'll tell you later.

I just wanna have fun.

You're all looking fantastic.

Now we're near
our first 15 minutes break.

But when we return,

we will be entering
our first competition round,

where you're gonna have
to learn

a line dance.

So watch and learn
from our experts

or you will be

eliminated.

You have 15 minutes.

Rest, drink, eat,

but whatever you do,
be back on the dance floor

in 15 minutes or
you will be disqualified.

- "Hurt Machine"
by Heidi Mortenson -

Excuse me.

How are you?

Are we really gonna do this?

What?

Not say hello.

And you believed her?

She thinks that she saw
something.

Nothing happened.

Really?

What exactly did she say?

- Goddamn it, Jenny.
- Now, listen up, everybody.

It's time to get back
to the dance floor.

- Fuck you, you fucking bitch!
- We are ???

a line dancing.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to
the line dance competition

and don't forget,
the judges here are

all around you. So please
do your best

'cause nothing less
will be tolerated.

I can't believe you guys
are moving to New York.

Who said we're moving
to New York?

- "My Baby(It?s Just Love)"
by BETTY -

What?!

I see now
ladies are on the business.

These children...

And what about Angie
and the baby?

We go to New York,

they're gonna come with us.

Did you tell her?

Number 32,

you're out.

- You fucking girlfriend.
- Please, please,

I know you can't leave me here.

So you're inspired?

Yeah, I am actually.

Do you think there's something
going on between Tash and Jamie?

I don't know.

Are you gonna volunteer?

Yeah, I will.

I will.

Alright,

I'm holding you to it.

Good. Then I'll do it.

They seem too close?

Maybe.

Should I be worried?

Honestly?

- "Too Many Maybes"
by Suzie Rose -

Oh, lady night.

Disqualified.

Need you on dance
and you're out here alone.

Oh, no, I'm waiting for

Jenny.

She's my partner.

Oh, she didn't seem like
your partner last week.

Well, she is.

So anyway,
are you feeling better?

That's good. Look, I'm glad.

I'm sorry I didn't stick around.

No, don't apologize.

There's just some people who are
good in taking care of others.

Harsh, but earned.

So,

do you think I get
a second chance?

Oh, really?

Welcome to the
2009 dance marathon's

competition round.

Look, the winner
of tonight's competition

will receive 10,000 dollars

donated to
the Jeff Griffith Center

on their behalf.

So without further review,

let's get our first dance
who's out here.

Hilary Seems
and Victoria Prize.

- "Strut your stuff"
by Elizabeth Ziff -

So, you're competing, huh?

Yeah, Jenny wants to.

Bitch, I'm gonna kick your ass.

So what, you've got a routine?
What's going on?

What you're doing?

I don't know.
Something like that.

Oh, so you really
give a fuck, don't you?

Come on, Alice. This is,

does this look like
it's my thing?

What is your thing?
God!

What's gonna make you happy
these days?

Please, don't. Not today.
I don't wanna hear it.

Why?

Because, Al, this is
what it is.

No, it's not.
It's what you let it be.

That was respectable. That was
nice. That was respectable.

Okay. So next.

Let's have

Jennifer Schecter

and Shane McCutcheon.

- "Kurt?s Ballroom Tango"
by Kurt Faquhar -

Alright!

Very nice, very nice,
very nice.

Very nice.

Okay, they did fine.

Good work, good work.
Very nice.

Alright, come on now!
Let's get up.

What are you looking at?

Jump around!

I didn't know Dance Fever
was back on the air.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize Kriss Kross

was looking for a new member.

- "In The Back" by Elizabeth Ziff -

Nice cameltoe.

Fuck!

They're not fucking around.

They're serious.
They have costumes!

I see.

Wasn't it supposed to be fun?

- Fun?!
- Yeah!

Okay. Do you think
you need to go for ???

- I think I'm good.
- Do you think or are you sure?

Because you know what?
They've got wigs and spandex.

This is no fucking joke.
We have no idea

what they're capable of.

I'll do my best.

- Hydrate?
- Yeah.

Now here the next group.
They'll push it

really good.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

- Do this. Let's do this, Alice.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Alice, what's wrong?

- "Boomshake"
by Far East Movement -

I can't, uh, I can't...
I don't have rythm.

- What?!
- I've never had rythm.

Okay? I don't... This is

- What do you...
- ... a joke.

- And I was thinking.
- What are you talking about?

You were the lead in
"West Side Story".

Yeah, you said, "We're number one,
we can't be number two".

You guys,
everyone went traditional.

- We look like freaks.
- No, we don't.

We look good. Okay,
we look a little crazy, but,

alright, that's not the point.
Listen.

Alright? We can do this.

You know the routine,

you choreographed everything,
okay?

Another problem.
Why did you let me do that?

I don't know
how to choreograph shit.

- Put your wig on, okay?
- Come on.

- You're gonna do this.
- I was a terrible Maria by the way.

You're gonna do this, okay?
Just think of one thing. Think...

Think... Okay, look.

Everybody out there?
They're here for you.

Okay? Jamie and I

are gonna do this
crazy ass dance for you,

- alright?
- It's true.

I'm in a turquoise onesie
for you, okay?

So pull it together.

- Alright. Yes.
- Oh good.

- Yes, we can... We're gonna...
- You got this.

- ... win this fucking thing.
- We can do this. Yeah.

- I love you.
- Let's do it!

So let's get

Jamie Chen,

Tasha Williams and

Alice Pieszecki to stage.

- "Push It" by Salt n? Peppa -

How do you like me now?

You see? You see this cause
seemed to...

5.5?

- 5.5.
- 5.5...

- What's up with the 5.5?
- Yeah!

This is now officially
a competition.

Alright, and this is close.
It's close.

- "Low Ridin"
by Far East Movement -

We only get five minutes
to pie!

Next up we have

Bette Porter and Tina Kennard.

Come on out here, you two.

- "Back To Life" by Soul to Soul -

I'm so, I'm so sorry.

And we have our winner!

Let's get it on.
These guys were amazing!

That's the other better step.
Game on now.

Let's get it on!

That was great.
That was beautiful.

- Congratulations.
- Fucking fantastic.

Good.

Still friends, cameltoe?

Yep.

This is now officially
a competition.

And this is close.

It's close. So
let's get our final contestor

out here on stage.

Oh my god! You two
were so beautiful.

You're gonna win,
you're gonna win!

You're gonna win!

- "The Mating Game"
by Bitter:Sweet -

God, she's amazing!

How does she do that?

She's totally gonna win.

No, she's not.

She's totally gonna win.

Maybe.

Any regrets?

Not a one.

Jodi got three tens!

No, I don't know
how you get three tens.

- I've never seen anything like that.
- Did you know

- she could dance like that?
- I had no idea.

She must have practised
the routine for months.

You had us practising for months.

Your sense of fairplay is

annoying.

I'm just saying
don't be so a loser.

I'm not having lost yet
all the way.

Oh yeah, that's right,
two more.

Oh my god!

- No, I think you were the best.
- Oh sure, really.

You're okay?

You'll win the next two.

Oh my god!
That was so embarassing.

We stayed in the bathroom
45 minutes.

- Whatever! Right.
- Yeah, I know.

No, I'm not lying.

Whatever, but she looked
so hot tonight.

- I know, it just...
- Nikki, twelve o'clock.

No, the other twelve o'clock.

Behind you!

Can I speak to you?

Here. Uh, get up.

Go ahead.

- "Ghosts" by Client -

I'm not here to reprimand you.

I know.

So, you know
that this is a fundraiser.

Obviously. Why would I wanna
be here 'til this hour?

Right, exactly. So,

I was down there
and I was thinking

that the public is
very harsh with you.

And that you have
a reputation

for being shallow

and vain.

No, I don't.

You do.

And I was thinking that

it would be really cool

and great for your image

and great for the cause
if you were

to auction off a date
with yourself.

- A date with me?
- Yeah.

You would raise a ton of money
for the shelter,

you would stand up
on the stage,

you would start a bidding war.

People would think
you are super cool.

So much better
than just donating money.

What do you think?

I'll think about it.

Thank you.

What did she want?

Are you okay?

What?

This just...

This reminds me of
when I was about

14 and I would

sneak out of boarding school

so I could snog with
Bridget Crossings. Oh god!

Whatever happened to Bridget?

Oh she

hooked up with Jonathan Barcley,
this maths genius and

It kind of
broke my heart actually.

Doesn't really seem
that much has changed,

does that just seem
I can't believe in my heart.

Dylan, I'm sorry, okay?

- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, no.

Listen.

No, no more apologies.

I think,

I think that we need
to just start new.

Can we do that?

Alright. Yeah.

- "Petrol" by Client -

I'll meet you guys upstairs.

Excuse me. Hi.

I would like to make
a donation.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
the lovely

Nikki Stevens.

Thank you very much.

Thank you everyone.
Thank you, thank you.

So, I have an announcement
to make.

That tonight I would like
to auction off

a date with myself
to the highest bidder.

- Would you help me out?
- That'd be lovely.

Oh, get ourselves ???
the 500 dollars.

- Yeah, 500 dollars right here.
- Come on, guys!

Do we have six?
Do we have 600 dollars?

700 right there.

Let's go to 1,000.
Let's go over the 1,000.

1,000! Oh, you know...

Let make this really interesting

and just go for 2,000 dollars.

I make really good pancakes.

Well, that sounds
what waking up for.

They're not gonna get to 2,000.

- This guy over here.
- 2,000?

25,000 dollars.

Could you repeat that again,
please?

25,000 dollars.

25,000 dollars...

Would you please
make your way up on stage?

Unless someone
is willing to outbid.

Motherfucker!

I do believe we have the largest
single donation of this event.

That's the second...
That's the second thing I lost.

Let's give it up,

- ladies and gentlemen.
- Can I just say something?

You don't have to fuck her
in the bathroom anymore.

You don't have to sneack around.

I don't want you to do that.

So I bought her for you.
So you can have her

whenever you want.

Thank you.

Holy shit!

DJ,

return of that music, please.

Everybody dance!

Listen,

I don't care!

You can fuck whoever you want,

whenever you want, fuck Nikki,
fuck whoever.

I know that you need it.

It doesn't scare me.

Because I know you.

Good morning all you
beautiful hearts.

You got almost get
the finish line.

And what you've done here
tonight is

so beautiful,
ladies and gentlemen.

These kids are going to be
so grateful

and you'll be so proud

of the work you managed
to do here tonight.

They'll go a long way,
trust me,

because when kids feel safe

and they ??? explore

the world ???

You should be proud
of yourselves.

We're back in three minutes.

So be on the dance floor
or be disqualified.

Congratulations.
Really, really

great.

I don't know why

I care of what you

think of me.

- "I?ve Been Waiting for you"
by Costanza -

But I do and...

Really? I'm gonna just...

I was crazy to think
that a fifteen minutes nap

would help.

I have to ask you a question.

What's up?

Do you have feelings for Tasha?

Oh god!

I would never do anything...

I know.

Do we tell Marci about New York?

You're really serious
about this?

It just feels
really right to me.

You know, I don't know
when another opportunity like this

might come along.

What about the gallery?

I can work from New York.

I'll probably have to be there
half of the time anyway.

And our friends?

I love our friends.

I love them a lot,
but, you know,

at a certain point
I have to trust

they're like a family.

You know? And just because

we leave L.A.,

doesn't mean
that we're leaving them.

It's really
gonna become healthy.

It will be a fresh start.

It's a new city.

It's gonna be so exciting.

Oh my god!

We have to apply for schools.

- Like right now.
- I know.

- "Distant Dreamer" by Duffy -

Who the hell is the guy
with the microphone?

Oh my god, just hang on
a second. Wait, wait, you...

You just can't come up
on the stage.

You were
at my sister's gallery.

I was.

Most of you know me as

Sunset Boulevard.

But my real name

is Sonny Benson

and I'm a straight man

who loves
this gay-lesbian family.

And I hope that
you could still accept me.

You lied to me.

- I tried to tell you.
- You lied to me.

- I never lied to you.
- You are a con man.

I never lied to you, girlfriend.
You assumed...

I trusted you!

I trusted... I told you things
that I would never tell a man!

What did you think I was?

The dress didn't change the fact
that I was a man!

You trusted me because

you felt I could be trusted.

Give me a chance. I know
I have you at a disadvantage.

And I know I know more of
your stories than you know mine, but

I'd love a chance to fix that.

You're one of the most
beautiful women I've ever seen.

And I'd love nothing better
than to

take you to dinner,

and to know you better.

It's, uh... I don't know.

Maybe she fell asleep
on the bus.

I want you to know

that I've never loved you more.

And I want you to be happy.

Do you wanna be with Jamie?

I don't...

- I don't know if...
- It's okay.

I'm not ready to let you go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have
our last couple standing.