The L Word (2004–2009): Season 5, Episode 6 - Lights! Camera! Action! - full transcript

What the fuck can she
possibly know about my life?

What can she know?

Pee, pee, pee...
pee... pee.

You're not going to shoot
the pee stream, are you?

I might,

So just keep on going.

I'm ovulating.

Oh, my god,
i'm ovulating!

Honey!

Bev, come here!

Where do i
enter from?



Um, where
your mark is.

How exciting,
you're ovulating.

Okay, so then
i look at the stick,

And i kiss her...

Yeah.

Okay, i'm fine
with all that, um,

But then it says that i "f" her
against the sink.

I just... i'm not really
sure what that means.

Really?

Okay, well, that's why
we're rehearsing,

To work out all this stuff.
Can you hold my cup?

Sure.

Okay, so this is what
i want you to do.

Can i just be you?



Okay, so you are
going to look at her,

And you're going
to take her,

And you're going to throw her
up again the sink-- Bam!

And you're
going to look--

Look at her with passion,

And then you're--Don't worry,
i won't kiss you--

You're going to take her,

And you're going to
kiss her with tongue...

And then i want you
to reach down,

And then i want you
to finger-Fuck her

And give her
the best fucking oasm ever.

Go for it.

Oh, you mean
with my hand?

Yeah.

Unless you have some other apparati
that i don't know about.

How exciting,
you're ovulating.

I'm ovulating.

Let's make a baby.

Passion!

That's okay.

Okay.

Wow, it looks like you guys
are sort of doing, like, a dance.

You won't be able
to see my hand.

I'd like to.

It might be nice if you look like
you're actually giving her pleasure

Rather than moving furniture.

Okay.

You know...

That looks...

It looks like you're sewing up
a hole in her jeans.

Yeah... i don't really know
what i'm supposed to be doing.

Neither do i.

Step away!

Move away from her.

Just step away
from each other.

Adele, can you,
uh, schedule time for me

And the other actresses
that have sex scenes?

You guys really don't
know how to fuck women, do you?

You guys are going to learn
how to fuck.

I'm getting a lesbian
sex coach to teach you.

Oh, please.

That would be great.

capture:frm@??????
sync:frs@demon ????

The.L.Word.S05e06

Shane, shane, shane.

What can we do for you?

I'd love to talk
to you two.

If you don't mind.

My girlfriend and i
are listening.

Good. Well, then do you
want to grab a table?

No.

Okay.Um...

I came here to apologize.

I didn't mean
any disrespect,

Not towards you
or to your relationship.

I apologize.

And i'm sorry for the way
i treated you

When you came into my house.

I was just a little...

I wasn't me that night.

So i'd like to make peace.

And if there's anything i can do
to even the playing field,i...

Well...

There's just one thing
i can think of.

Okay.

Jenny schecter.

She's your roommate, right?

My best friend
and my roommate. Why?

Well...

Come closer.

I won't bite.

Get her to use shebar as a location
in her big hollywood lesbo movie.

I don't know, dawn,
that's...

Well, what?

You're too
small-Time, shane?

Just a lil' ol'
hairdresser?

??I never said i was big-Time
to begin with, did i?

No.

All right. I'll ask her.

I can't promise you,
but i'll ask her.

You know,
you make that happen,

We might be
talking detente.

Okay.

All right.

- See you.
- Okay.

Oh! Oh...

There's just, uh,
one more thing.

I knew there would be
with you.

It has to be called
shebar in the movie.

Not the "pluto cafe,"

Or whatever the stupid
thing was called

That's supposed to be
the planet.

What?

Shebar is such
a better location.

I can't believe they were
going to pay $50,000 a day

For that wanna-Be "peach pit"
of a shithole.

You're too much.

I can't do it.

What?
What can't you do, shane?

Other than make
my girlfriend come?

Listen, i didn't realize that's
what you wanted. I can't do it.

Of course that's
what we want.

Kit's my friend, man.

You have problems with me,
you stay with me,

You don't fuck over
my friend,

And i'm sure not going to
fuck 'em over for you.

So pointless.

Now i'm just going to have to
put your friend out of business

The old-Fashioned way.

Is that...
is that a threat?

Are you still talking?

Are you still here?

Oh, that's another threat.

Done.

It's so on!
You're fucked.

- Shane, shane...
- What?

Call me.

There'all your stuff.

I'll get the suitcase
back to you.

Did you want to come in
and see if i forgot anything?

I trust you.

That's bullshit.
You don't trust me.

I trust you.

We're just not good
for each other.

I'm really sorry

That i fucked your life up.

I was gay
long before i ever met you.

Anyway, um, brown--

He had it in
for me, so...

I'm sure he would have
found something.

So, i heard you got offered some
big,what,talk show or something?

What is it?
The look?

Nah, they're just interested.
I still have to audition.

They're looking for a replacement
for kelly corrigan.

Wow, that's great.

I don't know if i'm
going to do it, though,

If i want to be, you know,
the replacement dyke.

Oh, come on...

No, you know,
because they want me to be out

And flamboyant and audacious,

And, you know,
it's on national television.

I don't know if i want to
be gay for the whole world.

This is why we're not good
for each other.

Why would you think twice
about something like this?

It's like a dream come true
for you.

You don't know
what i dream of.

You're right.

I'm going to go.

Can i come in?

Hey.

Kit and angie,they're not going to be back
from anaheim for a couple of hours.

I came early.

I hope
you don't mind.

Yeah, it's fine.

Are you having
a dinner party or something?

No,
it's just for angie.

I wanted to feed her
before you got here.

I told kit not to let her eat
a lot of crap at disneyland.

Yeah, right.

That looks fancy.
What are you making?

Ah, it's just

Stir-Fried chicken
and vegetables...noodles.

It smells amazing.

Did jodi teach you how to cook?
I hear she's a great cook.

Uh, actually, no.
I taught myself.

I sometimes cook for me and angie
when we're alone.

It makes me feel like we're,
you know,like a family.

I enjoy it.

I'll have to cook
for you sometime.

Bette...

Turn around.

Look, i know that
you don't want to hurt jodi...

No, i don't.

- What are we doing?
- Shh.

Oh, wait.

Don't.

Spread your legs.

Are you talking dirty to me?

You're so wet.

I just want to
fuck you.

???

Thank you very much.

So, jenny, we have
one more possibility

For bev and nina's house.
It's in kits.

Well, where in
the fuck is she?

Well, i don't really care
that it's a saturday.

Can you tell her that i'm working
on saturday because of her?

Yeah, well, i want you to
give her a messageor me. Okay?

I want you to tell her
that it's not going to work.

All right?
Vancouver doesn't pass as l.A.

And i'm not
going to shoot here

In this waterlogged,
provincial little city,

And it was a complete waste
of my time to come here

When i should have been
back in l.A.

Prepping for my first day
of shooting on monday,

- All right?
- If you want...

Jenny, actually,

There's been
lots of shows

That have shot up here
successfully,

So if you want to take
a look at the location--

Can you please
also tell her

That i don't appreciate

Her sending her
studio-Fucking-Narc to spy on me

And tell me
that black is white?

Okay?

Right.

I'll have you know that i have
absolutely nothing to gain

By convincing you
to shoot in vancouver.

Good, because i'm not.

And when the studio
pulls the plug on your movie

Because you're over-Budget,

I'll have another job
tomorrow.

Can you please
open up the door?

Hey!

I don't--

I want you to know

That i do not think that
you should be in this industry.

Okay?

I don't think

That you know how to
deal with artists.

Jenny, jenny, jenny!
William just texted you back.

- What?
- Okay, listen.

"What is this
vancouver folly?

Of course, we're shooting
l.A. For l.A.

I just secured a bond,
financing's in place.

Aaron knows.
See you on set monday morning.

Xoxo, william."

That's right, sally!

I am so excited!
I am so happy.

When did i text him?

I don't remember doing that.

I feel like
i'm going crazy.

Okay--

When did i text him?

Listen, i hope you don't mind,
but i just...

I took the liberty.

What do you mean?

Because i saw
how unhappy you were--

...and so i texted him myself.

I think that we need
to celebrate.

Okay,all right.

What do you
want to do?

That's what i want to do.

And the next thing
i'm going to do...

Is take you shopping.

You are
so beautiful, okay?

And i can see

That you're hiding
behind those glasses...

If i may be so bold,
i just...

We have so much to do.

We start shooting on monday,

And you have to approve
the costume breakdown.

You've got to finish
shot-Listing,

- There's tons--
- You know what?

I want to take you shopping.

- Sally?
- Jenny.

I have a job for you.

I want you to take us
to a place

Where fashionable
vancouverites shop,

'Cause we're going to transform
my lovely assistant.

Joyce is here
to see you.

Send her right in, please.

Hello, phyllis.

Joyce.

I know it was presumptuous
of me to call you,

And i'm not really
expecting too much sympathy...

I was just
wondering-- Um...

Maybe you could give me
some advice,make a recommendation--

I think we hit back
with a countersuit.

Leonard needs to know that
you're not going to just roll over

And gift him with everything you've
worked so hard for all these years.

I mean, he's got balls...
i'll give him that.

And his attorney,
joey monahan?

He's no slouch either.

So, luckily for you, i've got
a trick or two of my own.

You want to represent me?

Phyllis, you hired me
to represent you,

And then you fired me
so we could make sweet lov

And then
you broke my heart.

So, the way i seit,

You're down a lawyer,
i'm down a job.

Joyce, i didn't actually
expect you to represent me.

I was hoping for a recommendation,
for somebody else--

Phyllis,i'm the best
in the business.

I win cases,
it's what i do...

And i got a bum deal here,

So i'm not going to walk away
from a sweet piece of business

Just because
we didn't work out as lovers.

In fact...

I think you kind of owe me
this one.

Oh, good lord.

Can i help you
find something?

Um... yeah,
i was-- You know,

I was wondering
if you have anything

In the lower
price ranges?

Which range did you
have in mind?

- Like... 25 to 30?
- Excuse me?

Oh, she's kidding.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Adele, this is emile,
our personal shopper.

This is adele,
my assistant.

- Emile--
- Shall i?

Yes, please start a room.

And you, come here,

I want to show you
some chanel.

I don't know...

Do you like it?

Yeah, but what about
the fancy shoes?

You could wear the shoes.??

It's so expensive!

Adele, really,

The thing is,
we're making a film

About fashionable lesbians.

You know, so we have to
be fashionable, and...

Well, we're here
doing research.

Wait, this is coming
out of the wardrobe budget?

Shh.

We should get you some jeans now,
because,

Um, adele-- Adele?

The applique on
the back of your jeans,

Was declared an abomination
by the geneva convention.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Look.

Oh... wow.

Um, well, it's--
It's david yurman...

And maybe we're getting
a bit carried away here.

This is quite expensive.

Oh!

No, no, no-- Not for me.

It's for niki.

You know,just a little--A little gift
for the start of the production.

Okay.

We'll take it.

- Now, adele--
- Yeah?

You're the only one
that knows about niki ande.

I know, i know,and discretion
is imperative.

The only reason i told you is
that so you could protect us.

I'll make sure that nobody
has the slightest inkling.

Well, yeah, i mean,
the thing is,

If the other actors knew,

It would just cause
so much drama

And so much jealousy
on set, you know?

I know.

I mean, everyone always
falls in love with the director.

Wow.

Oh, my gosh!

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Do you like it?

I love it.

Thank you.

I love it,
i love it, i love it.

Mm, you know what?

I think we're going to wait until
we get back to l.A.To do your hair.

I think only shane should
be touching your hair.

Good morning, sweet pea.

Are you hungry?

Should we make pancakes?

Let me go check
and see what we have.

Okay, i'll go look.

Uh-Oh, we're out of milk.

I know what we should do.

What if we call mama b

And see if she wants to
have breakfast with us?

Hmm? Does that sound
like a good idea?

What do you think?

Yeah! Let's call mama b.

Do you want to come sit with me?

Let's call mama b and see

If she wants to go to the planet
and have pancakes.

- Do you want some pancakes?
- Have pancakes.

Okay.

I would love to go for breakfast
with you and angie,but, um...

Oh. Yeah.
Right, of course.

Tina, wait--

Uh, i think we're going to pass
on breakfast.

Yeah, it's a really sweet idea.

Um...

But-- Yeah,
give angie a kiss for me.

Okay. Bye.

Don't you want to go
out for breakfast?

I'm kind of
in the mood to go out.

I'm not
in the mood to go out.

You know what?

I would really just like to
sit in my garden

And read the newspaper.

But, if you want to go
to the planet, and...

Do another podcast,
then that would be--

Oh, bette, i was just joking...

And i said
i was sorry, too.

Are you going to go on
punishing me forever?

I'm sorry.

I'm just...

I'm just stressed.

Do you want to go
and see some art?

Would that
help you to relax?

Or maybe we could
go to the beach?

Drive up the coast
to zuma.

I think i just...

I just need a little
sunday alone time,that's all,

Just to get ready for the week.
I mean, apart from everything else,

I have to appear before the board
to tell them

What i'm going to do
about the justin donovan

Little gun-To-The-Head
escapade.

What are you
going to tell them?

I really don't know.

Tell them your judgment
was ciouded

Because professor lerner is

An incredibly hot fuck

I'm so glad you guys met me.
I was feeling really lonely.

Oh, my god,
that's why i called shane.

Well, ladies, that's what
friends are for, what can i say?

But we're still going
to phyllis's tonight, right?

Yeah. Isn't bette going to be there?

Is that--I thought you guys
were getting along lately?

Yeah. Yeah.
It's not a problem.

Is tasha coming?

It's over, tina!

Do i look like
i want to talk about it?

Come on,this is crazy.
You two are so in love.

It doesn't
always matter.

I know, but can't you
just talk to her--

Did i not say i don't
want to talk about it?

Yeah?

Do you still want to
meet at the planet?

I'm here already.

With alice a shane.

Oh.

Well, i really...

I really want to see you, tina.

I can't right now.

Well, what about tonight?
I don't--I don't have any plans.

I'm going to your boss's house.

Puppies!

Bette, i'm going to
have to call you back!

Those aren't friggin' puppies!

But i don't have rats.

It's impossible!

I have the cleanest
establishmentthis side of--

Until further notice?
Come on!

Man!

I haven't seen that many critters
since we shut down paulie's pizza.

We'll be asking folks
to clear on out now.

Fuck, fuck.
Shit. Shit!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Kit?

How'd
this fucking happen?

I have a theory.

- Hey
- Hi.

Wild party, huh?

I thought you weret doing
anything tonight.

I wasn't.

Where's jodi? Is she here?

Um, no, she didn't want
to do a work thing,

And phyllis is work for us.

Right.

Tina?

Do you want to get out of here?

Are you going to dance
in your black bra?

You know, i was
thinking about it,

But i just
don't need one.

Oh, god.

Where's tina?

I don't know,
maybe she scored.

Oh!
Oh...

Wow.

Gettin' good, huh?

- Wow.
- What?

Who's that?

I don't know.

She's cute.

Mother!

You know, you can't
stay too long.

I have to be on set
at 7:00 in the morning.

Yeah, i know.
I know.

So this thing's
really going through?

I mean, jenny's going
to be directing a movie?

Apparently.

I don't know what to do.

You're in love with jodi,
right?

I adore her.

And i respect
and admire her.

But...

But what?

It doesn't
really compare.

* honey, honey
up in the trees *

* field of flowers
deep in his dreams *

* lead them out to the sea
by the east *

* honey, honey
food for the bees *

* honey, honey
out on the sea *

* in the doldrums
thinking of me *

* me on dry land
thinking of he *

* honey, honey
not next to me *

I've missed you.

* even if he wanted to *

* even if he wanted to *

* even if he wanted to *

* do you think he'd come back? *

* would he come back? *

* oh, no **

I'm going to go now.

Mm. Okay.

Jodi would be
so devastated.

She can't find out.

Well, i'm certainly
not going to tell her.

I'm sorry, i just...

I just need more time.

That's all.

I'm not pushing you.

I don't even know
what i want.

I know. I...

I just think...

...we both need to
take the time

To just figure out
what we want.

That's all.

You know,
what's right for us.

How to do
the right thing.

I think we just need
to take the time.

You need
to figure out

What's right
for you...

And i need to
figure out

What's right for me.

Right.

Wow, adele.
Can you believe this?

All of this because of a few little
words that i wrote on a page.

I know, and now
you're just going to

Bring it to life
before our very eyes.

Do you want me to take you
right to your room?

I would like to
go to my trailer, sir.

Um, that's your--
Ur room.

Right.
Your trailer.

Sir, please
stop here.

I'm going to get out

And walk along
the street of my dreams.

I'm so excited.

Let's go. Here,
let me take that.

Okay. Thank you.

Ready? Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Here we go.

Okay.

Wow.

So, the catering truck
is back at base camp,

If you want me to get
you some breakfast.

But, if you want
craft services,

You see that house
right there?

- It's in the garage.
- Ok

Oh, and that's
the camera truck,

- Right there...
- Right.

...and that's where
you can find sam the dp

In between set-Ups.

Wow, okay. How do you
know all this stuff?

You've never been
on a film set before.

I know, that's why
i came here

At 4:30 this morning
when they were loading in,

- Just to make sure i know
- Oh my gosh

Where everything is
for you.

Hey, are you girls
looking for extras holding?

It's right there.

Excuse me?

That is
jennifer schecter.

Hi. I'm jennifer schecter.

The director?

Oh... i'm sorry!

Kyle?
It's all right.

Kyle's your name?
No problem.

Yeah.
Hi.
Okay, thank you.

Jennifer schecter.

Hey. Get his name.

I did.

Blocking's up in 20.
Great.

I'm glad
you both are here.

I wanted
to talk to you.

Well, i wanted jodi
to have a say in the matter,

Before you and i
went to the board--

It's about
my daughter, molly.

I don't think
you've met her yet, bette.

And you didn't even go
to the party last night, missy.

I was working.

My daughter arrived
at the most inopportune time.

I was having fun.

It was harmless.

Now she thinks
i'm turning into

A promiscuous,
debauched lesbian.

And what can we do
to help you, phyllis?

I need you
to help me
convince molly

That lesbians can be

Respectable
and upstanding
and stable--

All the values her father
and i instilled in her.

Uh... how?

Just let her spend some time
with the two of you, together.

I want her to see two women

That have a stable,
honest and loving
relationship.

By the way,
we have to do something

About this boy who tried
to shoot himself in the head.

What? No, no,
no, no, no.
No, no, no!

He did not shoot
himself in the head!

It wasn't a real gun.
He did not shoot himself.

You propose...?

Well, i propose
that we have a press conference.

I'll make a statement,

And jodi can do
some form of a mea culpa.

I don't think
it's going to work.

The board
is out for blood.

Molly's here to see you.

Please send her in.

Oh. Sorry, i didn't realize...

Come on in, molly!

Wee almost finished.

Come on, sit down.

This is bette porter,
the dean of our school of the arts.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

And her partner, jodi lerner,

She teaches
in the sculpture department.

Nice to meet you.

This is tom,
he's jodi's interpreter.

Hi.

Th're lesbians.

I'm resigning.

What?

Justin donovan's piece

Was one of the best
student works
i've ever seen,

And i totally stand behind it.

But i know that, if bette
had known about it in advance,

She never would have
let me go ahead with it.

That is absolutely
not true.

I do not
want you to resign.

Well, neither do i.

I love teaching here.
I love my class.

But it sucks that your job
is jeopardized

Because of something
that i'm totally
responsible for.

So, i can't
live with that.

I'm resigning.

But, remember,
i have my work,

And, most importantly,
i have you,

So i'll be fine.

How far behind are we?

Oh,
only an hour and a half.

Jesus

Has niki stepped down?

Oh, great.
Here she comes.

Hi!

I'm so excited!

This is the first
shot of the film.

Okay, so what
you're going to do

Is we're going to
walk up here,

You're going to be
sniffing the rosemary...

Where's the, uh,
prop person with the, uh--

The... sprig?

Okay, so you're going to
be sniffing this.

Yeah, i don't know why
i'd be holding that.

I mean, it's stupid.

Because, um, tina
gave it to you out back,
by the pool,

And we just
rehearsed it.

Yeah, but who walks around
with a plant for no reason?

I mean, why would i still
be carrying it around?

Jenny, we've got to go,
we're out of time.

Okay.

Fuck the rosemary.
That's cool.

Okay, here we go!

And... roll
sound, please.

Sound speaker.

Okay.

- "Action."
- Oh, right!

Action!

Yeah, well...

I don't want to
write about
being a student
anymore, you know.

I'm done with
that part of my life.

You might
change your mind
when you get older.

I'm actually thinking about going
back to school to start a new areer.

Oh, you should do it.

Maybe in
a couple of years.

Right now, i'm trying
to get pregnant.

Oh, my god!

That's so great.

Hey. Cut!

- That's cut.
- Sorry.

Hey, where's that contin--

That's-- That's not
the line, okay?

The scripted line is,

"Jim said that you and bev
were a couple."

So you're confused
how she could have a baby

Because she's a lesbian.

Well, that's retarded.

Everybody knows lezzies are
having babies all over, jenny.

Right, but the character...

In my script...

Has just arrived
to l.A.

She's from the midwest.

She's naive.

She's never
met a lesbian before.

She's never met
a lesbian before?

What about ellen
and portia?

I mean, does she
not have a tv?

Hey, how about
you say the scripted line?

Oh, come on.
Come on...

No, no, no.
Don't get upset.

She's an artist.

What

You want to go
take care of it?

Hey!

Niki!

Hey.

What's going on?

Hey.

We hookeup
the other night, jenny.

I know!

And now you're just treating me
like i'm some random actress,

Like you don't even know me.

No! I thought
that it was really...

I thought that
it was really amazing.

Did you get the necklace
that i gave you?

I don't care about
some lame-Ass necklace.

You didn't even come in
to see me this morning.

It's like you don't
care about me at all.

No, that's not true.

I didn't come in
to see you this morning

Because i don't want all
these fucking dimwit actors

Gossiping about you.

Or gossiping about me.

But you know what i wanted to do
when you walked on the set today?

I really wanted to kiss you.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

You're still mad.

I thought
that you were angry!

What?

Come here.

What?

I can't believe
i'm going to fuck you.

Oh, my god,
i'm going to fuck you.

Are you wet?

Oh, my god.

Hey. Hey!

You might want to
check this out.

Oh, my god.

Oh, fuck!

(???)

Don't come yet!

Fuck!

- Mr. Kornbluth!
- What?

Mr. Halsey just
arrived at base camp.

Oh, that's great.

William's here!

I can't wait
for him to hear

What's happening on the set
of his little lesbian movie.

Here you go,
mr. Halsey.

An egg white with
white asparagus omelet,

Just for you.

Oh, this is so great.

Look at this!

That is the prettiest omelet
that i've ever seen.

Mr. Halsey.

- Hi.
- Hey!

I'm adele channing,
jennifer schecter's assistant.

Would you like an omelet,
adele?

They're making them
with the yolk, or without.

Oh, no, thank you.

Thank you,
but, no, thank you.

I just... uh, jennifer wanted me
to find you,

To let you know that there's been
a little problem with niki this morning.

Really?

Well, let's go see what's wrong.

The thing is,
mr. Halsey...

I think-- I think
you should know that...

Jennifer and niki
are kind of involved
with one another.

What do you mean,
romantically involved?

Um... yes. Yes.

So, the, um...

Director of the picture

Is sleeping with the star?

Is that what you're saying?

Um. Yes.

And it's not always a bad thing.

- No?
- No.

How is it not a bad thing?

You know,
in the case of...

In the case of niki...

She's just so young
and so fresh and so green--

- Oh, really?
- Well, she is!

And, i've got
to tell you,

She was just really
nervous about this role.

And, the thing is,

Jennifer knew how much you wanted--
How much you needed niki for this role--

And when she sensed that niki
was about to drop out--

Well, she made her her lover.

Everything changed
after that.

Well, that's interesting.

That's a very interesting
approach, adele.

Yes, i think that
it saved the movie.

Well, i'm going to
have to really think about that.

Read your
contract, schecter!

I can replace you
with or without cause!

Calm down, aaron.
Is that your position?

No, it's not
my position, jenny.

I just... i think
it could be difficult
for production,

- But, no, it's nobody's--
- William. William--

I don't know
what you've heard,

But i have never--
In all my days

Of being in show business--
Had to put up--

Wow! There she is!

- I've missed ya!
- Give your daddy a hug.

He's being so mean to me!

Mean?

Don't you be mean
to my baby!

Okay.

That's the watch!
I'm wearinit.

That's the watch
i got for you!

Yeah.

Oh, you are really
something else.

That little niki stevens.

Her movie hasn't even
opened yet,

And already
she's out of control--

Well, she's a bit fragile.

Well, if there's anyone who can
take a fragile person

And glue them back together,

I think that would be you.

Now, didn't weake
an excellent decision?

???

Yeah.
Okay.

I know you don't...

Okay, alice.
Are you ready?

Yeah, just--
My eyes are tearing
from the mascara.

Allergic to it
sometimes.

- Take a breath.
- Yeah

- Okay.Okay.
- Great.

Okay.

- We cool?
- Oh, totally.

- All right.
- Great.

Rolling.

Hi! I'm alice in lesboland,

And we're here
on location.

It's a very special day.

We're here on the set
of jenny schecter's new film,

Lez girls.

It's about the lives
and the loves

Of lesbians in los angeles,

And we're going to meet
the star of the movie,
niki stevens.

And, um... that's it,
lots of girlie action.

Okay. Good?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm all right.

- Yeah.
- You sure?

We've got a problem
with some of the neighbors.

What kind of problem?

Thers a group
of neighborhood folks
over there threatening
to shut down the film.

They say they don't
want their neighborhood
portrayed as

"A hotbed of lesbian sex
and salaciousness."

We have permits.

I'll go handle it.

Well, they say
no one talked to them...

Let's take
the limo.

And from
what we know about it,

None of us want to
be associated
with this film, okay?

It's unrealistic,
it exploits...

Frankly, we're angry at how lesbians
are portrayed as conniving, promiscuous sex fiends.

Ladies, i don't know

Where any of you
got your information from,

But just want to
tell you guys--

Jenny,
that's dawn denbo,

She was at our party
last week.

- Does she even live in this neighborhood?
- I don't know,i doubt it.

She doesn't
even live here!

She doesn't even live
in this neighborhood.

She doesn't.
This is a personal thing.

That doesn't
really matter.

We have friends who live
in this neighborhood.

It doesn't matter.

You know what? Let me
tell you something.

Have you even
read the script?

- Yes, i've read the script.
- You have.

I've read some scenes,
and it sucked!

I auditioned for donna.
I gave her my sides.

So, how much do you think they want?Would 5,000 apiece do it?

No!

Who is this,your daddy warbucks?
What's up with this?

No, no, no, we don't--

No, we're not interested
in your money, okay?

No, it's the principle
of the thing.

No, we're not
interested in that.

- No--
- We'll take it.

Yeah.

Yeah, ladies,

If you'll follow,
i'll cut you
some checks.

Yeah, okay,
you know what?
Fi. What's that?

$25,000 out of
your pocket? Fine.

And you guys'll
pay a lot more
before it's over.

I got two of those
for you.

Fuck you, denbo!

And your dumb lover.

You're a rat fuck!

Bye, cindi!

Don't talk to
my girlfriend, shane!

Adele,
i like your makeover.

Thanks.

And i'm liking
those new jeans as well.

What,
these old things?

Come on, you know
you bought them yesterday.

I bought them yesterday.

Well, whenever
you bought 'em,
they look cute.

They do, they look
good on you.

Thank you.

So, what are you
thinking about?

Okay, i'm thinking

Just really long
and really straight...

Bangs, coming forward,
like this.

And then maybe
a couple pieces
on the side, here?

And a couple pieces
on the side, here,

All coming forward,
so, kind of...

Straight across
and forward here.

Like jenny's haircut?

Really? Oh?

I wasn't thinking
that it was like jenny.

Yeah, it is very much
like jenny's...

If that's what you want.

Well...

If you think--Then we don't
have to do it,that's okay.

Oh, i'm not saying--I know,
i just want to make sure that you knew.

So you don't mind having
your hairline

Be pushed forward a bit?
Like, this down?

No, that's good.

- Yeah, that looks--
- ...or even further?

Uh-Huh.

Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

That's what
you want?

Okay.

Shorter?
Right about there?

- Right above the eyes?
- Yes, right above the eyes.

I think that's what i want.

She was so noble.

She was going to
take the fall for me.

Oh. Well,
where's she at?

She's working,
but i think she's going
to come over tonight.

Bette, it sucks
that she has to resign.

I can't even tell you
how fucked up it is.

It's so fucked up.

I mean, jodi is really
the most anti-Gun person
i've ever met.

Really, for her,
the entire piece

Was about gun violence.

Well, i was thinking
about getting a gun.

No, you're not
getting a gun.

Ever since
the robbery--

I want to protect myself,
i want to feel safe.

You're not going to
feel safe with a gun.

Guns do not
make you feel safe!

You're not getting a gun.

Ladies, you can't
go this way.

- They're making a movie.
- I live in this neighborhood.

And we are friends
with the producer.

And the director.
Both!

It's okay.
They're with me.

Told ya.

Well, are you here
to visit the set?

If that's okay.

It's great! Come on.

I'll show you around.
You're just in time.

We're about to
have the martini.

Oh, martini?

Well, not for me.

No, no, that's the last
shot of the day, kit.

Oh.

I can't believe
you're here.

I couldn't resist.

So you guys go to
get out of the car,

And you're going to
pick it up from,

"I'm so glad that
we're home," okay?

Hey, everybody.

Look who's here.

How are you, guys?

Hi.

Be very quiet, please.

Come sit over here.

Okay, so you guys get
out of the car and...

Jenny is, um...

Fucking the star.

Oh--

Or should i say,
she's fucking herself?

- Oh, hey, how are you?
- You got your hair cut?

Oh, yeah, shane did it.

It was her idea.

Do you like it?

Seems like it's a pretty
popular cut around here.

What do you mean?

I mean, it kind of
looks like jenny's hair.

I don't think so.

It looks good.
Looks good on you.

You know those
fucking shebar girls?

They came and they tried
to shut the production down.

Get the fuck out.

- I'm not kidding.
- Yeah.

You know-- You know...

We're going to take 'em down.

That's it. It's on.
Are you guys with me?

Yeah.
I'm always
with you.

Seriously.
I am.

I wish tasha was here.
She'd know what to do.

Then give her
a call.

I'm just saying.

Come on.

This is
a really big deal.

It's pretty
amazing, isn't it?

And jenny's at the helm.

Yup.

Really interesting
hair choice on adele there.

I'm telling you,
it was not my choice,

But she just
insisted upon it.

What?

- What?
- She told me that--

That she was uncomfortable with it,and that you

Encouraged her to do it.

- She said--
- You did?

No! She said that?

Yeah, she said
she didn't want to do it,

You insisted.

Why would she say that?

It's freaky,
you guys.

You know what?

I think it's
going to be great.

It's going to be great
because
you're producing it.

Sandra, can we shoot?

- Yeah!
- Let's go!

* juliet *

* i can feel your glow *

* of passions *